This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• Bad Bunny’s Amazon stream —less concert, more mass pregnancy event. Nine months from now, maternity wards are gonna look like a merch line.
• Tylenol “causes autism” — which means the Amish either broke the system… or never stood a chance.
• Americans are having less sex — Netflix and Uber Eats are apparently better birth control than anything at CVS.
• Millennial dads are more “present” than ever — maybe too present, cause these kids are SOFT
• A guy managed to knock up a mom and her daughter....
• Someone fired a firework at another person and one of us can relate.
• And a man scuba-dived into a restaurant robbery — Ocean’s Eleven, brought to you by Florida.