Ep. 194 FINAL

But bringing it to today's guest, Dr. Grace Reego, a quick introduction. Dr. Grace is a board certified doctor of acupuncture and Chinese medicine who operates a thriving private acupuncture practice in San Diego, California. She also works with coaching clients online in sessions of spiritual coaching and somatic inquiry, which incorporate the scientific understanding of German new medicine with a deeply healing process of identity alchemy called integrative somatic inquiry.

This was a really special conversation. Dr. Grace is so enlivened, so embodied, and. We were lucky enough to be able to record this conversation in person in my office in Costa Mesa just before Dr. Grace was about to head off to Bali for a whole month, and it was just such an aligned, kismet magnetic conversation.

Dr. Grace references a recent podcast episode that had come out, so I'll make sure that episode is linked in the show notes where I was sharing some personal updates and insights, especially related to my dad and some recent things that have happened. So I'll make sure that episode is linked in the show notes.

Our first session was two hours long, and I think we literally spent a full hour just talking, but not just about physical symptoms. This was like a life inventory with Dr. Grace, and I loved that so much because she truly is embodying the name of her business and her practice, practice in spirit, and just this philosophy that everything is interconnected.

So I was super, super impressed her. Her practice is beautiful. It's such a grounding, grounding, energizing place to be. I can't wait to get to go back for some follow-up sessions with her. And I think with that, let's get right into this conversation. Well, Dr. Grace, welcome to the Accrescent Podcast. Thank you Leigh Ann, for having me.

I'm so grateful. This is so fun. The audience won't be able to know the difference, but we're in person. You've come to ascent to be able to do this in person 'cause you're beautiful here, just over here in San Diego, which is so fun. Yeah. So tell us, I, I love an origin story. Okay. I've been on your page. I see your posts, but to, I love to just know.

No way. Yeah, so I was this, I would've guess volleyball with your weight. Yeah, it, a lot of people say volleyball and um, but yeah, I played water polo and that was my whole life, my whole identity. And I actually had multiple concussions back to back to back. Oh my gosh. At the very end of my career. And I now look back at it as God's wake up call that I need to really start to.

Um, detach from the, the, these identities, these constructs, these things that I was pursuing from a young age that I thought were the whole point of who I am. Mm-hmm. You know, go to the Olympics or just get good grades and get degrees and like get a job and just all of that like hustle, you know, attaching my worthiness to my sports performance and what does the coach think of me, because that's gonna determine if I'm having a good day or a bad day.

So am I a starter? Yeah. By the way, I played D two soccer. Oh my gosh. And see amazing multiple concussions. I'm preaching to the choir, have a lot of crossover. We're already discovering. Yes. So you remember the, the, the trembling inside of like, oh, I think I just messed up, or I don't think, you know, this teammate isn't happy with me, or The coach isn't happy.

I'm sure you, you know, that any, you know, especially female athlete, we take everything so to heart. Mm-hmm. Um, so that was basically the start. And then those concussions shook me out of a Western paradigm, literally rattled me out of it because I was raised very western. I never heard of, I thought acupuncture was this sketchy thing that was done in the back of a laundromat by Chinese people.

I don't know if you had post-concussive migraines, but it was a dark time. It was the only time that I ever had suicidal thoughts because I thought if I have these headaches every day for the rest of my life, I don't wanna live mm-hmm. The rest of my life. So, chronic pain, I understand very well. 'cause I did have daily migraines for almost a year and a half straight.

Oh my gosh. And I was, you know, going, starting acupuncturist grad school with these migraines and running to the school clinic to get treatments in the middle of class when I was nauseous and had a headache and couldn't see straight. So I, I remember, um, feeling like, okay, I only would have come to Eastern medicine.

So it was like, well you could try these other things that you find a little bit weird. Mm-hmm. But you could go see this acupuncturist that was recommended and he ended up being my first, I've had many mentors and I'm sure you understand, like those people that just come in your life. Mm-hmm. And just blow open the gates of your mind.

He was the first one. His name's Trevor. He still practices in la and I would walk out of his treatment room and sometimes he would just put his hands on me. Literally. Other times it was just his energy being around me. Other times it was a couple needles. It was very gentle and subtle work. But I would walk out feeling like.

Yeah. Like where, where has this been, you know, lurking in the background of my life that I never have had a healing experience like this. Not once. And one day I was on track to go to law school, but one day I'm lying on his table and I look over at him, and I'll never forget this moment. I said, Trevor, how can I become someone who makes people feel the way you have made me feel?

Yeah. And so I really do view my career that way. I view myself that way. I believe that acupuncture school really was step one, and that my acupuncture practice is a layer of what I do, but I also know that it's ever expanding. It's ever evolving. I'm, I'm gonna continue to attract the new mentor, the new person to blow my mind and consciousness.

And you've even opened my eyes today, Leigh Ann, to some new healing technologies. And I just, I'm, I'm very hungry on this path. There's a constant inspiration on this path. And that's, I guess that's my origin story. I've never told it like that. Thank you for inspiring. Yeah. Oh my gosh, that is so, no, I love that.

Yes. And then the identity crisis of finishing my five year UCLA ath athlete career with those concussions leading me to kind of a disappointing finish of my athletic career. There was a huge identity crisis and I didn't have the support or the tools, and now I actually, I practice something called integrated somatic inquiry, or ISI and I pair it with everything that I do.

Acupuncture, counseling, German new medicine, all the things I do. I always, you know, I'm incorporating this, this something my mentors taught me. Integrated somatic inquiry because, and I call it identity alchemy. That's my little phrase for what it really is. It, it just helps you alchemize old identities.

You know, I get, I had my UCLA degree, but I didn't have what I really wanted from my athletic career. And I was left feeling like, who am I, what's my purpose? Oh, I didn't, I didn't become the player I thought I was gonna be. I had all these injuries and I didn't, wasn't good enough to go to the Olympics.

And, you know, this worthlessness really was my baseline at that point when I was stripped of that attached identity. And I ended up, you know, falling in love very quickly with this Australian. And we got married and I was 23 and I, I just, I started to make those very scrambling, rash decisions mm-hmm.

But, you know, that's where I like to meet people is, you know, usually it's the person like me who says, yeah, okay, I've tried attaching to everything. A marriage, an athlete identity, a job, a a degree, and it's not working. Mm-hmm. Like, can you help, is there something else from life Yeah. That I, that I can receive.

And so that's kind of where I meet people. But I feel like I had to go through it first. I had to, I. Truly go to the end of everything. Like I had to go to the nth degree. I, my mentor calls it the fourth horse. Have you ever heard of that parable? No, I don't think so. I think you'll resonate with it a lot.

It doesn't need any correction, doesn't need to be whipped. It just goes up. The second horse, maybe it veers off one time, but as soon as it gets the whip, it's like, okay, I'll just go straight up with this. My master, the third horse, veers off a few more times and takes a lot more discipline, but eventually falls in line, goes straight at the mountain.

The fourth horse does not respond to any of the whipping. The fourth horse does not, you know, take heed when you know, he doesn't just take the easy path. It wants to have an adventure and it goes completely off course. And it takes it many months to get up the mountain because nothing, you know, the master cannot get it to fall in line with the other horses.

I was in deep depression. I was, um, chronically fatigued. I was having all these other issues come up, and every time I'd go to my mentor's office, I'd, I'd say like, I feel like I'm dying. Like I, I don't know what's happening to me. I was going through my, you know, huge dark night of the soul post-divorce, and he would just hold my hand and say, sweetie, you're the fourth horse.

You know, like, and it's all gonna be okay. You know, you're gonna have so much to share from the top. And I feel like if anyone out there needed to hear that, like. Maybe that serves someone. Yeah. Yeah. I, we were talking before, we did a little walk around the building before we started recording that you do, you're blending a number of different modalities or practices, um, within your practice.

If someone's listening going like, oh, is this someone who could be supportive for me? What is that kind of way? Or, you know, are there common symptoms or ailments or things that you're working with? Thank you for that question. 'cause I, I tend to go down like narrow rabbit holes. Oh, I love it. Don't worry. I, I'm really good at following you down and I'm really good at bringing us back.

You are. Yeah. You I'm the horse and I'm gonna let you lead me. Okay. Because yeah, I tend to, you know, I could go this whole podcast and not even tell anyone like my credentials 'cause I just get excited about conversation. But I guess to, just to put, put it out there, my credentials are that I'm a California Board certified acupuncturist doctor of acupuncture in Chinese medicine or DACM and then I'm also a new practitioner and still very much a student of German new medicine or, um, Germanic Healing Knowledge, G-N-M-G-H-K.

So those are, I would say, I have these three main camps of my work that I feel. Um, I don't know if you felt this land, but it's like, for so long on the journey of a spiritual seeker, I was like, I wanted to do every modality sound, te training. Great. I was reiki certified, now I wanna do this now I wanna do that hypnotherapy, this, that, the other.

And I feel like there's such a sense of peace in my heart now 'cause I feel that I have really found my lanes of life. Mm-hmm. And I just wanna go deep, you know, instead of going wide and shallow like I used to. I'm excited that I found these three lanes and I just wanna go deep down each of them. 'cause I know I could spend a singular lifetime on any one of them.

I'm a classical five element acupuncturist, and that is a very different type of acupuncture than what 99% of people practice. So most of what you'll find out there is called T cm Uhhuh. You might have heard of TC M, just traditional Chinese medicine. Exactly, exactly. So TCM people think that's actually the most ancient 'cause it's called traditional, but it's actually a conglomeration of different eastern acupuncture systems.

He wanted to get completely rid of it. God, he would not have, gosh, acupuncture on the face of the earth because he wanted, as China was opening its borders, he did not want it to extend outward beyond China whatsoever. He thought it was woo woo. You know, communist China was very much like no spiritual, no shamanistic, no, none of the woo woo.

We gotta be Western like we are the west. Now. It's, you know, we cannot have people looking down on us as village medicine people. Got it. So he wanted to get rid of acupuncture altogether, but then he. Was up in these mountains and he came, he contract, not contracted, but he just experienced Bell's palsy, the symptoms of Bell's pals, facial paralysis, and nothing worked except acupuncture.

That's exactly how they say it. Palatable to the west. Integrated with hospital systems, integrated with western medicine. Treat symptoms, you know, put collections of symptoms together. We're gonna call those patterns in TCM and we're going to have formulas that work for them and point. Protocols that work for them and it's gonna be very systematized and standardized.

So that's my education, right? To, to pass the boards. If you're going to school in America, you are going to a TCM school and you are learning TCM. But I wasn't satisfied. I was like, nuh, there's got to be the deep, you know, I know this is a spiritual medicine. I know that this is about running spirit through the electrical circuitry of the body.

And classical five element acupuncture is what he practices and he learned from the master JR. Worsley, who was a British man, who was the first white person that the village shamanistic practitioners of China who were outcasted. That was the first white person they ever entrusted to give a, um, transmission of the medicine to Wow.

And said, you need to, like, if you're serious about, they said, we trust you. You need to go share this medicine exactly as we show you. To the west. And he, and that JR Worsley, this British man, he was an osteopathic physician. He is the, the only you know white person to go to China and receive the transmission of the original ancient Daoist medicine, five element acupuncture.

And it is how I've been practicing all through school in my residency and, you know, treating in the school clinic as an intern and all in my practice, I, I treat very traditionally in the, the wisdom of classical five element. And it is the mo, it's considered the original shamanic branch of Taoism. So it blends Taoist principles of the five elements and how we are nature and that within us, just like without us, you know, earth as it is in heaven and man as it is on earth.

So that's how I practice in my private practice in San Diego, and I'm very passionate about it. But then I also love this identity work, and I bring it into every session. I bring it into every counseling, and I work with clients remotely as well. So some people that don't live near me, I do a hundred percent remote sessions and we dive into German medicine understandings of their symptoms, how the body is actually being wise and adaptable, and those symptoms are, there's a reason for them.

Mm-hmm. I would just say that all of my work goes back to there's a higher reason. That this is happening completely. Yeah. Oh my gosh. There every piece of this, like, we could do a whole episode just on probably five elements, acupuncture. We could do a whole episode on each of these already. I'm like, oh my gosh, I wanna experience her acupuncture because yes, I, I respond so well to energy medicine.

Because there, I think there's so much crossover here. Yeah. But I think what I wanna start with is, it's so funny, right before you, I was in, um, interviewing Brittany Piper, who is a somatic experiencing expert. Expert. She just has a new book out and we were talking about how somatics is an umbrella Yes.

It just means of the body. So there could be a number of DI mean there's so many different practices that are of the body somatic experiencing mm-hmm. Integrated somatic inquiry. Mm-hmm. Myofascial release, any number of different things. So this is the first time I'm hearing of integrated somatic inquiry.

But it's different. Yes. I think somatic experiencing is incredible. I don't know a lot about it myself, but from what I've heard and seen, it's absolutely incredible stands on its own. Um, and somatic inquiry is like that. It stands on, stands on its own, and it's very different though. But I could see how it would work really well with SE or somatic experiencing.

So integrated somatic inquiry, that phrase is a term that my mentor, Brandon Boar, who's incredible, I highly recommend anyone check him out as well. He's changed my life. So he created that term, but he pulled from all his mentors, um, and, and teach teachers and different things he learned on his journey as a coach and counselor.

And then if we go one step deeper to the where the unconscious is, that's actually where the unconscious identities are commanding the puppet show without us knowing, because it has to be buried in the unconscious because those identities are so painful to look at. It's what we're all running from.

It's what all addiction is running from. It's why there's so much, so many liquor stores. It's why there's so much addiction. It's why there's, you know, all, all of the addictions so much easy. All tv, social media, every addiction just goes back to not wanting to look at this belief. Not wanting to really sit with this might be in me and what if this is really true about me?

You're already living under the assumption that it's true in fear that it's true. Yes. So completely it's, it's this huge, I feel like my work is sometimes hard to speak about 'cause it's this huge hall of mirrors. Yeah. It, it just keeps leading back to what are you thinking and believing about yourself.

And that's also true anytime you're triggered. Mm-hmm. There's, you know, this changed my life forever. When my mentor Brandon said this, he said, anytime you are triggered every single time 100% of the time, it's because you are thinking and believing something to be true about you. For any longtime listeners or followers on Instagram, you guys will know that I have loved and used herbal face food for probably over five years now.

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Yes, yes, yes. That I just am bringing in processes. Even when I started my depth psychology program, I was like. Holy shit. I've been practicing depth psychology for four years and I never even knew this term. So I love that. It's really cool. But yes, and also I think this is what I'm excited to talk about even more is there's, there is a level of ownership mm-hmm.

And what you're repelling. Mm-hmm. And so how do I keep attracting in the same type of person? Mm. How do I keep attracting in the same type of financial situation? Mm. Or why am I repelling the type of financial situation I'm looking for? And again, that it's not, that's not where it ends. Right? Right.

That's just to understand a little bit of what is going on deeper. And the unconscious is only ever trying to protect us. Mm-hmm. It's just we need to get in there and understand what does it think it's protecting us from, what are the tools it's using to do that? Yes. Where did these narratives originate?

Like that's all of the inquiry. Oh wow. That's happening. But to that end, I do think sometimes. No one. I work with this, you know, no one I work with has expressed this, but I have gotten this on social media where people say things like, how dare you say breast? You know, cancer can be connected to emotions.

My body and spirit? Yes. Wow. I'm just like tingling with like electricity 'cause of this con I feel like we're very in sync. I think we do very similar work without. You know, using the same terms. Right. Um, but we've arrived at a similar place probably 'cause we have gone very deep within ourselves and experienced a lot of physical challenges, emotional challenges.

Like you still care to know where he is. You still care to know. 'cause at the time you were saying that he was homeless and that was very hard on you to, to acknowledge like, my dad's just out there, he's doesn't get to shower, he might not have a meal today. It's this, it kind of made you sick to think about that.

And I'm not a religious person, but I very centered in God, in Christ. And I believe that it's a, it's that constant whisper of like, love thy neighbor and treat others as you would treat yourself. And. This idea that we're all one. Mm-hmm. Like God is one. It's the law of one. And if I'm withholding love from even one singular person in my life, I'm withholding it from myself.

Like we are also in the mix with everybody else. You know, we're walking beside you, it's not a pedestal. So I love that you spoke to that because that's also been my experience, you know, to the nth degree. So with my mother, we had a big disconnect for several years. Hmm. And those years when I was, you know, holding a boundary against her, not speaking to her, not extending love to her feeling like I was very self-righteous and not engaging with her.

Yeah. Or sending love to her at all. Those were the worst years of my life. Those were the years where I had the worst physical symptoms. Those are the years where my body shut down. Those were the years where I had chronic fatigue. The migraines flared up again and I had the deepest depression I've ever known.

We're always going to do ourselves. We're gonna do the worst to ourselves because of the identities we carry. So, for example, in my case, my, my mother's a wonderful person, by the way. But my psyche at the time interpreted some of her actions as I'm just not good enough, or I'm worthless. And it's me actually outsourcing that power that she, another human being could make me worthless or make me enough or give me enoughness.

Uh, victimized, who I become towards her is I, I hate her. Mm, I wanna cancel her. I wanna withhold love from her. I don't wanna call her. I don't want her in my life. I'm not really sure how to proceed with her. Um, we get in shouting matches, and that was me hurting myself because as somatic inquiry would take me to this place, this is to answer your question about the process, to really ask myself, is it even true?

Is it even true that she could make you not enough? Even the worst thing she did, you know, some of the things she said, or if she, you know, invaded my privacy and I felt like I'm not free. Is it true? Is it true that you're not free? Mm-hmm. Is it true that you're not enough? No. No, and that's where we do come back to a sense of spiritual connection.

That there's no other human that could give me enoughness or take it away, even if they did the worst thing you could do to another human being. Mm-hmm. You know, there's children that have been left by their parents and they're in an orphanage, but would any of us say that they're just not good enough?

And it was when I was able to let go of those identities and see that nothing she could say or do could mean that about me, that I was able to ask, ask myself, well, who would I be in the absence of? I'm not enough and she could make me, so who would I be in the absence of, I'm not free in the keys of freedom or in her hands.

Mm-hmm. I would embrace her. I would say, Hey, I'm sorry for all the hate that I have thrown at you for years because I've been believing that I'm not worthy because of you. Mm-hmm. I can just see, I can just let you be who you are, which is perfect in itself and, and I, and now we have the closest relationship we've ever had.

And I really has brought me to tears to realize that there were several years where I couldn't feel a heart to heart connection with my own mother. Mm-hmm. And that is so painful. And unfortunately, I think there's a lot of therapists that will indulge people in saying, yes, you should go the rest of your life.

Just not engaging in that relationship or thinking about it or touching it at all. And they don't know that how much hurt is actually caused. When we withhold love from our parents, our siblings, our friends, it's hurting us to withhold that love. We're cutting ourself off from God's love. When we don't extend it, we have to keep circulating it to be in the flow of it.

If you need to go get love? Yeah. Oh, you're believing you're already at a deficiency of love. You're unloved. Mm-hmm. And you have to go get it from someone. Well, could anyone really package it up in a, in a gift wrap and bow and, and give you love? No. That's impossible. We can, we can receive love from God, from spirit, from truth, capital T, truth, and then we circulate it, then we extend it, and as soon as I extend it, I feel it.

Mm-hmm. As soon as I love you, I feel love. And when I stop loving my mom. And then I, I withhold love and then I wonder why I don't feel like love for her. Yes. Or why I don't feel that she loves me. Yeah. Like, oh, well she doesn't love me, that's why I don't love her. No, I'm, I've stopped extending it and I cut it off.

Um, one thing I will say is the. The dynamic is putting them in. Two of what we don't realize unconsciously is when I am saying, you give me value, weirdly, the pressure that's putting them under. Yes. Yes. You have to, you give me value. So you have to perform and be a certain thing so that I can continue to derive value and love for you.

Yes. And I think that also is like, what, what does, you know, what does the me need right now? Yes. And I've even said this just last night, I was saying this with someone where it's like right now. The, the level of relationship I can have with my father and not cause harm to myself is none. Mm-hmm. That might not be true 10 years from now.

Yes. Or 20 years from now. Yes. But also as I kind of was speaking to in that podcast, I can have no relationship with him and still be sending so much love his way. Yes. And, and so I say that because I do think sometimes I, you know, in my practice I often see what I call forgiveness as emotional bypass where mm-hmm.

Sometimes we can have distance and love can still be present. Mm-hmm. To that end. So I, I do my own work and I do evox and this unconscious work on myself. Yes. And I was actually in session with another evox practitioner I'm training right now professionally. Wow. And so we were doing a test session on me, and this was maybe a week or two after I had recorded that podcast episode that you're referencing about my dad.

And what was so wild Grace, you'll totally get this, because I actually had been talking to some of my spiritual mentors since this happened with him saying. I feel like there is some kind of energetic tether. Yes. Like I am absorbing something. I feel, I feel assaulted, I feel affronted. Something is lingering between us that needs to be released or severed or shifted, whatever the proper word would be.

Love it. And what came up for me was it just sort of happened spontaneously in my mind. I saw myself saying to my dad, I release you. Mm. Like none of us want. Ill for you. None of us want this for you. I, I don't want a relationship with you, but I don't want you. Ill, I don't want you homeless. I don't want you sick.

Yeah. And, but it was so powerful because those words just spontaneously came to my mind of, I release you from my ill will, and I'm severing the flow of my ill will onto you. And that was the thing that felt like whatever this energetic tether was cleared for me, which was so profound because before that I was like, he's putting something on me.

I feel it. He's projecting da, da, da, whatever, whatever it was. And then I kind of realized, I think the tether keeping us connected is. Coming from my end. Mm. So it was incredibly profound. And just, I think you probably have seen this in the somatic inquiry, that those dialogues, those inner conversations, the imagery you bring in your mind is really powerful.

That has been abused and my situation's very different. I was never abused by my mother. You know, she's wonderful. We just had like these big issues and we, we acted out of some deep wounds with each other. We were like the perfect trauma bonded pair for, for several years, but it was never that kind of abuse that you've experienced.

And so. Of course, that's not gonna be the kind of situation where you just merge back with that parent. Mm-hmm. Like I've gotten to do with my mother, of course. Mm-hmm. But as my, uh, my mentor has created this way of living resolution, resolution lived is what he says. And it's a reporting conversation, which is basically what you just organically had.

Okay. When this happened, you did XI made it mean thereafter that I'm just worthless or that I am, uh, bad. Mm-hmm. Or that weak. Whatever the identity is that was born, and I've been carrying that ever since. And when I believe that I'm worthless because of you, I have been sending you decades of ill will psychically sending you this, this meanness, this, ill will this.

Regardless of what was done. I now, like you said, release you with love and I really want nothing but peace over your life and peace over your heart. Mm-hmm. And I'm, I just wanna say sorry for all the years I sent you, ill will, and that's just, you know, the reporting conversation is me saying the truth, the highest truth, the godliest truth.

Right. Of what is, and also. And doing it for myself. Yeah, because like you said, the feeling like you were being attacked, you realized it was coming partly from this negativity you were sending without knowing it. Again, coming from a, again, that came from the unconscious identities, right? Mm-hmm. So it's unconscious, you know, to have to really dig to find it.

Mm-hmm. You know, so it's. Of course it took time and layers and work to get to this point where, okay, now you're able to have a session where you feel that releasing happen in your system. You feel the release of the cord. It, it takes time. You know, like there's no judgment at why didn't I get here sooner?

Yeah. And you spoke to that on that episode. But something that popped in my head as you were speaking was there's this quote from Marian Williamson in the book, A Return to Love, that I go back to almost daily. And she says, only that which I have not given can be lacking in any situation. Hmm. So if I'm not giving love, I'm gonna be like, why isn't he being loving or she being loving if I'm not being, uh, if I'm not bringing peace, there just will be no peace for me to receive.

Right? Right. And it's, I wanna hold the nuance here, and I think you do this so well too, because I do hear people saying, okay, so hang on, if my, I'm making something up, you know, narcissistic boss starts coming at me, it's, it's my fault. I've attracted this in. And it's never to place the blame in one court or the other.

Yes. So I'm always very interested in patterns. Yes. Patterns in people, patterns in life experiences, patterns in illness, patterns and dreams. 'cause it all is revealing so much. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Having been a long time lover of herbal face food, I was absolutely ecstatic when they finally launched the lotion.

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Mm-hmm. Which is called a context, by the way, that that's the, the word for it. So an unconscious identity that kind of controls us. Like, I'm worthless. I'm not enough. That's called a context. So I'm only coming from a context if I feel that I need to serve your ego for you to like me as a practitioner. So I'm using you to actually serve my ego and now I'm manipulating you.

Mm. So I don't do that. I've, I've gotten very clean. I used to do that. I used to kind of think about my work as very validating of my ego, but that's, I've done so much work on these contexts and I monitor it every day to make sure I'm not just people pleasing a client. Mm-hmm. Because I'm not gonna help them.

So people that do all this spiritual entity releasing work, which I used to do, I used to do cord cuttings and I was a psychic healer, and I've done all that stuff too. But I've come to the realization we don't need to do that. You need to just go do, go into your unconscious and stop agreeing with this egoic context that says you are worthless.

And so if I say something and you're triggered, it's because that context is being triggered in that moment. But we need that to happen in order for us to see ourselves. Mm-hmm. That's the whole reason we're here having this human experience, is to go deeper into seeing. Ourselves. With all of these veils we inherit.

I bet all your other family members are doing the same thing. And that's why you all, you all fight at Christmas. Yeah. Because, you know, 'cause none of you are, could give each other worth and you disappoint each other and now you hate each other and now you hate to go home in December. That doesn't have to be that way.

If you no longer believe that they're the ones giving you worth, that they're the gods of your life that ha reign power over you. Mm-hmm. If you stop agreeing to that and say, who would I be in the absence of I'm worthless and they make me worthy, who would I be in the absence of? There's anything my parent could say that could give or take this away.

To indulge your ego so that I'm people pleasing. Yeah. I You could walk outta my office 'cause you're so triggered and I'm not phased. Maybe 10 years from now you'll think of what I said and realize I was helping you wake up to this lie you're believing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I think where I, the, the language I would use around the context is what, what past version of me had an experience that created this narrative.

Yeah. And generational trauma is a big, big thing. So it might be what people in my ancestry had experiences Yes. That created these narratives. Yes. And I think maybe where it go, like it diverges a little bit in my work is sometimes I find the narratives, once we identify them, they'll shift like this, they'll shift in two seconds.

And then sometimes it's, oh, this one's deep. Okay. The 6-year-old version of you who created this narrative, you know what, let's stop trying to change her mind for a second. Mm-hmm. What does she need to say? What does she need to be heard? Yes. What did she not get to metabolize that still needs to be metabolized before she's, you know, ready, willing, and able.

Yes. To hear a new narrative. Yes. Well, that speaks to, so my mentor has taught me the integrated somatic inquiry. Right. And he's, he's incredible. Like in one hour he's gonna just bring your feet to the fire and help you alchemize those identities. And I do that too, but I, I feel that I take a slightly more feminine approach.

I do take my time, so I'm not going to just go right into the self-inquiry, the let's release this identity. Let's fi, let's ha I'm gonna get you to see that this is not true. Like I might not take someone there for the first five sessions. Mm-hmm. Based on where they're at. Some people have just need to sob in front of me for 30 minutes.

Mm-hmm. 'cause they haven't. Felt the grief of the molestation, the loss, the divorce, whatever it is. And that needs to happen. And if you go straight into inquiry when you're still experiencing the emotional unwinding, it's not gonna make any sense. Yeah. Because there's layers, right? The emotional bodies, the subconscious mind.

Yeah. It's not to say that like, I'm here to push you. It's, I will walk with you. But you have to be prepared to be triggered along the way, because that's how we know it's working. Totally. Well, those are the clues of, oh, that's where we need to go. Yeah. And spend more time. Exactly. Exactly. And I, I loved listening to your.

I keep bringing it up. But that episode, because when you were saying you had such a childlike curiosity over why you went into such a, some somatic panic. Mm-hmm. You know, with some of the things with your father happening in real time and you had a childlike wonder of, I wonder if I'm still feeling guilty.

That's me. That guilt is me. Mm-hmm. That shame is me. That fear is me. You're, you're detached enough because of how much work you've done that you can just say, I'm curious if I could be believing in my guilt. Right. I'm curious if a part of me a part, yeah. Could be feeling guilty. Yes. Completely. Yes. And also I think this is so key, and I think we're both saying this and do this in our practices, which is, it's not, I was just talking about this earlier today.

There is so much tending and nourishing that is lost in it. Which is why, because I take that tending approach. Yeah. Very feminine. Beautiful. Yeah, and I can, I can sit with that and go, you know what, this childlike curiosity might not make this feeling go away immediately. In fact, it might cause it to linger even longer, because I'm not trying to immediately attach it to one specific cause and then immediately get rid of it.

Mm. I'm just, if we think of, you know, if we think of a relational approach to this work, it's like, kinda like what you were saying, if we try to shift those, some of those narratives immediately, the part of me that created those narratives, it's like, it's like that part coming up and saying. You know, it's 20-year-old Grace going, you know, Hey, so I really wanna talk to you about this thing.

Yes. Which is coming from a context, it's like, oh, if that part of me still feels that way, I'm bad. I haven't done enough work, which means I'm not enough yet. Like, it, it just, it's so, it's such a, again, hall of mirrors. It all goes back to that identity of, and this is something that is interesting to note in my own clients, and I wonder if you experience this, but people that come in with, and I used to be this person.

Oh, a hundred percent. This was me. It was like there was such an agenda to the healing. It was like, totally gotta get rid of my migraines. Gotta get out of depression. Gotta get my energy back. 'cause I know you've experienced chronic fatigue too. I think you said that on the episode. So I did too. And it was like, got it.

So if I don't fix it, I have to go find the thing. I have to go get the healing. I have to go pay for it and do it and master it and release it and fix it so that I can be worthy. Mm-hmm. Because only healthy people are worthy or whate, like whatever the identity it's tugging on. And so then when I work with clients, unfortunately, you know, if they're living under that identity, we could have their migraines reduced from 20 a month to two a month.

But E, every time they get the headache, and this used to be me, it's like I'm a failure. Totally. I didn't fix it yet. I'm regressing, I'm regressing. I had gluten today and that's it. So it's my fault it's, I brought this on myself. Exactly. And so that's why I feel like I have to bring the identity alchemy into my work.

'cause that's. That's not true. Mm-hmm. And that is only going to bury you in a deeper hole because all our identities are self-fulfilling prophecies. That has been the greatest light bulb moment, and something I see as a hundred percent true with my clients. Mm-hmm. And what you said earlier about why am I attracting this situation?

If I can't find it, there's no evidence. I can't sustain the unworthiness, so, so I attract in people who I unconsciously already know will disapprove of me. Yes. To confirm that narrative and believe Exactly, exactly what kind of, what kind of person will you attract romantically if you believe you're just not worthy and that that person's supposed to come in and make you worthy?

Well, they're gonna have to disappoint you because first of all, nobody's perfect, nobody's God. And nobody's gonna just be unconditionally perfect and loving all the time. That's impossible. But what are we all doing? We're walking around wishing our parents we're still God in our lives and, and then we're disappointed.

And then we say, well, I hate you now. And, and as my mentor says, that's the definition of a love-hate relationship, which is not love. Mm-hmm. If it's love hate. Oh, when you did the thing I liked. And made me feel worthy. I love you when you did something that I really didn't like and it made, it made, you know, it made me feel unworthy.

Mm. Like I can be with you. I, you don't have to be something for me and I don't have to be something for you. And we get to actually find out what it means to be myself. Mm-hmm. And it's so beautiful in sessions when I'll take a client and ask them, you know, if you couldn't believe I'm unworthy and you know, my work makes me worthy, like, what would you do?

And you know, their answers are so sweet and childlike. It's like. I would paint, I would start a book club. I would travel. I'd just pick up and go to Spain tomorrow. And it's like, well, why aren't you? Well, they think their worth is tied here with the job. How could I, oh, my worth is here so I can't leave.

And it's, it's never gonna happen. Yeah. Yeah. Or safety. I think I, I say safety. I think everything boiled down to two things, right? Like we're, we go through a session and we're like, what are the narratives? No matter what the narratives are, they all boil down to narratives around worthiness or safety.

Somatic inquiry work. Yeah. 'cause they cannot be disintegrated. Yes. My narratives are affecting my body. My body are affecting, like it's all constantly Yeah. In communication and in dialogue. And I love, I don't do so much hands-on somatic work in any way, although I do use a lot of somatic processes and imagery in session.

Yeah. Yeah. But I think if you are trying to heal, heal from any illness. Unconscious work and the narratives and dialogues that you are carrying and may have inherited absolutely. Must be a part of that process. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So I just think that is so powerful and it's really fascinating and cool to me that you're doing both.

And she has had lifelong diarrhea. So just every single bowel movement is loose stools. And what's unfortunate, and maybe our listeners can relate, there's, and myself too, there's a lot of things we live with that we think are normal because it's so longstanding. Totally. It's like. I forgot to mention it on the intake form.

You know what I'm saying? Right. So she kind of came out later. She's like, by the way, I just only ever have diarrhea. I'm like, wow. Okay. So that is actually, she's in a biological conflict. I thought it was territory anger at first, and I'm still not convinced it's not. I think that, so German new medicine, there's different titles for these conflicts, and these conflicts are what control the SBS or special biological program that runs in the body and causes those symptoms.

You're actually probably sleeping less. Mm-hmm. You're actually probably high cortisol. So you have kind of that wired energy and you don't have the symptoms quite yet. I'm sure we all know what it well, it feels like when we're kind of on the fritz and we're kind of burning the candle, but we feel okay and fine.

And then the second we go on vacation, it's like we get sick. Totally. Because now we're in VE atonia, we're actually sending that. Okay, it's time to rest signal, and we go into all the symptoms that were associated with that biological program express. So interestingly, when you spoke on that episode about the kidney stones and the kidney infection, I did some research and that's most likely, I'd have to do more inquiry with you, but that's most likely a kidney collecting tubular KCT program in German new medicine, otherwise known as the refugee conflict.

And it will affect the kidneys as the collecting tubules kind of close up to retain water because it's like, let me hold onto water if I'm really thrust out of the the home. Yeah. So the healing phase, I love the symbolism we're already, and like the metaphor of German new medicine. Yes. Depth psychology, symbolism, metaphor, imagery.

So, and what's so interesting, Leigh Ann, which gets to a really spiritual point. Your father had just been thrust out of a home. I was literally gonna say that. Yes. I was like, oh my God. Of course. Yeah. So listen to that episode 'cause I've been referring to it lot. If you haven't, if you haven't, like three episodes ago, I think for you.

You had had that episode of sobbing crying before the infection, based on what you had said. That's, oh, that's a good question. I'd really have to think back to what happened first. I can't think of it right now, but if that's true, that would make sense. Because once we start to really release tears, that's when we, that that can be a demarcation that we're coming into healing phase.

Mm-hmm. We're actually processing, we're actually downgrading. We're actually going onic and letting ourselves feel. That would be where that would align with you. Then shifting into the healing phase of the KKCT refugee conflict and experiencing the kidney stones and the infection. Mm-hmm. And then being hospitalized because it's a big conflict and the conflict load was high and the healing phase was big.

Yes. Thank you. Okay. We are gonna need to do a whole other episode on German new medicine because seriously, I want to dive into this so deep with you. Yeah. Because yes, I mean, if I could leave the audience with anything that, that is so much the bulk of what I'm trying to do with, with clients and nations.

Yes. Yes. Is this, cancer is not here because your body hates you and is sabotaging. Amen. You, it is actually here because your body loves you so much. Yes. And is like, we've had these parasite infections, it's int for so long and I've been carrying this guilt and this grief for so long and I want you, Leigh Ann, to be free of it.

So it's like all of this is such a beautiful divine orchestration for our benevolent good. And so you are doing all of your cancer clients such a service by reminding them that there's an intelligence behind this. And there's also an innocence behind this. 'cause it could be linked to the, an innocent part of them was that was just trying to get love totally.

I had, it had to be expressed for me to get in touch with it and then just, I don't wanna leave the audience hanging. 'cause I did open that up about the client through just with this woman who was experiencing the diarrhea through just. One. I know that it was this session that demarcated, we did A-S-C-S-I session blending the German new medicine, understanding that she was experiencing territory anger and also what's called indigestible morsel conflict.

So she was in a hanging healing experience of indigestible morsel. So she would go back and forth between diarrhea and then like go a day without a bowel movement. Right? Diarrhea. So, but the constant diarrhea, she's constantly stuck in a hanging healing of indigestible morsel conflict. Which hits the, hits the digestive system.

And then she texts me and says, or the next week I see her and she's like. Oh my gosh. This whole past week I've had formed bowel movements. I've literally couldn't think of a time in my life I had a formed bowel movement. Wow. And it's been that way since. Like your stools are, are just have rec rectified.

Yeah. And she's gone into the full resolution because. The identities are linked to the biological program because every time she'd be triggered into feeling unlovable, whether it was something with a friend, school boyfriend, or her parents where it started it, anything in her environment that could trigger that identity would re-trigger the biological program because it's, she couldn't digest.

Yes. That's, that's coming. We need to work together. I'm so excited. But it's so funny 'cause colon cancer, the theme that I see and the question I always ask 'cause there's general questions and then there's very specific questions. But with colon cancer, I'm always asking, what can I not digest? Oh, I love that.

What can, what have I not been able to wrap my head around? Yes. Beautiful question. And there's always something that comes up. Mm-hmm. So, but that's, that's just so profound. But to that end, this is why I love what I do and it's, it's a piece of the puzzle. It's not the only piece, but I do feel that it is a foundational piece.

Why, what is causing my nervous system to be chronically dysregulated? What are the narratives? Yes. So I can do all the nervous system regulation. It is soothing a symptom. Mm. And I really do think the narratives are the, the core root cause, the identities, the context. Yeah. And sometimes those narratives go even before us, right.

We inherited many narratives and then maybe we had our own life experiences that then con, you know, seem, even if, to confirm even if we watch a parent model, a people pleasing pattern rooted in, uh, a not enoughness context, that's enough as a young person when our minds are in that theta state. Sub seven years being hypnotized by our parents constantly.

And yeah, just his work has been so foundational, but I, I use all his little phrases, but he says it's not like a little person is looking up at a Rolodex of identity options and says, I would love to feel like I'm unlovable the rest of my life. Or like, I would love to operate at an unconscious level under, I'm worthless.

Like, let's choose that. Mm-hmm. Like that. It's so innocent. And that's why as in a session with him, he'll always say, and now I've started to say it, you know, I'm, I'm definitely like taking a lot of his phrases. Yeah. He'll say, at no fault of your own, did you believe this for 30 years? Right. At no fault of your own, did you have the certain identity that was just the right formula for your biology that led to the cancer or whatnot?

There's not. Mm-hmm. Because we are all primed, indoctrinated and influenced when our brains are too, uh, underdeveloped to even undertand what's happening in the algorithms of our unconscious. And it's at no fault of all of our own that we may be carrying. But if you want to be that lineage breaker, that generational trauma ender, like the person that can truly end it with you, you're gonna have to be the one that can digest it and dissolve the identity mm-hmm.

I don't know if you've been there. Mm-hmm. And it's when I was able to release that identity that I'm embracing support and realizing that. That is nature's intention for all of us as social beings. Yeah. No, you know, you're not a success if you do it alone. You, you really can't go far by yourself. Mm-hmm.

You know, like, I feel that a conversation like this is a great example of that without your reflection, your questions and, and sitting and bringing your presence. To me, some of these insights and epiphanies I'm having in real time, you know, with this microphone I never could have had without you. Yeah.

And being in the fifth relationship where you get betrayed and like there's wisdom to that. There's power to that. You're not failing, you're not behind and you certainly don't have to continue alone. Yeah. A thousand percent. Oh my gosh, that's what a good place to sort of close it out. I think we both could have gone for much, much longer.

This is so wonderful, Leigh Ann. You such a beautiful. Presence. Oh, thank you. And I'm just so grateful that we connected. It feels like we talked about the word kismet, like yeah. Very divine. Yeah, I know completely. Thank you so much. Just so the audience can hear from you, we'll make sure it's in the show notes, but if people want to, where can they find you on website?

I have, you know, my acupuncture corporation in spirit, acupuncture alchemy, and then my LLC for my coaching services is in spirit alchemy. But everything in the website is in spirit alchemy. The word in spirit is one word, and it means be basically being inspired by spirit being, and it's also the. To like living in spirit.

It's this, it's hard to, it is hard to explain actually, but that word has been something I've, I meditate on almost every day. Like in spirit. In spirit, in spirit, because I've come to the realization that all healing happens in spirit. It's not this physical transaction. I'm gonna go get a nervous system, like you just said, healing.

So that's my whole brand, my whole mission in spirit, alchemy, alchemizing identities, and knowing that healing is in spirit. I love it. So I'm launching a cancer membership Oh, wow. Called Healing Alchemy. I love it. Healing alchemy. That's so perfect. Yeah. That's, and, and alchemy is like such a theme in depth psychology.

Yeah. But if you are in San Diego or Southern California, um, I have patients, uh, in La, San Diego and I also frequently do treat, uh, treatment trips up to Sacramento where I'm from. So I kind of treat all over the state of California. But if you're not in California, you can definitely work with me remotely.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much, grace. Thank you so much. This is so great. Oh, this was so nourishing. Yeah. I feel so bubbly inside. Yes.