Keri Laine interviews Dan Cross, Jr. a former pro basketball player, and founder of athlete connections foundation.

Well, Dan, welcome to Inroads. Thank you so much for joining us. We've talked about the nature and the spirit of these conversations being about your leadership story, but mostly about who you are and the person that you were when you were raised all the way through to today and some of the characteristic traits that you feel like helped bring you to the success that you've had. So, let's start. Tell me a little bit about you and where you're at in your journey today.

For sure. So, Dan Cross is my name. Born in Chicago, raised in Carbondale, Illinois, which is south of Chicago. I'm the oldest of five, four boys, one girl. Raised by my father, Daniel Curtis Cross senior. My mom, Lillian Cross, by way of Chicago. So grew up in Illinois, able to, to get a scholarship to go to University of Florida where I play basketball there. I was able to accomplish some really cool things at the University of Florida, and that has been my stepping stone to life. I've been able to meet some not only have really cool teammates, right, um, that were from all over the world, but have really good friends that were all from all over the world. And that allowed my journey to continue all over the world through the game of basketball. So I've lived in 11 different countries, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Finland, Cyprus, Venezuela, Israel. So, I've been to China, I've seen life at its finest.

And lots of different cultures back to going from Chicago to Florida and having different teammates from different cultures, then you start moving around the world, and you add all that into your experience.

So, all of these ingredients became a culture shock. Yeah. Which is, again, a part of this this life suit, right, that you want to get a taste of. Right? That's kind of what I how I look at it, not only the cultures, but the religions. You know, the, the races, you know, what you find out that you know, what people think about America.You know, versus you know, the rest of the world. And it makes you to appreciate America. But it also makes you to see a lot of the stains, and the sins not only of America and other countries as well. So just to be exposed to that life, it opened my mind up to, you know, to a world that is actually pretty small.

Yeah. Isn't that amazing how that works, where you think that the center is here. And as you continue to grow out, and you get those different perspectives and paradigm shifts that really, it's really interesting to see how that can shape shift and elevate your scope. Not only yourself, but other people for sure. So partly the intro then what are you doing today?

Yeah, so I run a foundation called ethic connections foundation, I found that while 16 years ago. Just do my own transitions of life and sports and the business behind sports. So, you know, the mission behind that is to utilize sports to teach kids life skills. So we provide not only the life skills portion, but the opportunity for kids to play a particular sport, in this case is basketball. Which allows me to find the blueprint and get these kids off to college.

And what was the inspiration for you to do that once you were done with your basketball career,

Someone had done it for me. A village had done it for me. And so when you understand where you come from, when you understand the people that helped you along the way that did not have to help you. When you understand struggle, and in this case, you know, my parents that are raising five kids. And they needed help. Right. And that dynamic hasn't changed. When you understand that there are no—there. The likelihood of a child being in a two parent home is not the normality anymore, right? So you're adding these different experiences that I've gone through again, just to pay it forward. And so this is my way of therapy. First of all, of being around the game, how I choose to be around a game, impacting life, how I choose to impact life, not being dictated to but being able to dictate to life what I want to do, how I choose to impact the people that I identify with the most.

So where do you think along your journey you built and cultivated those characteristics? Do you think it's nature versus nurture? Do you think that it was some of the experiences that you had to endure and all that travel where do you think some of those traits and beliefs that you have and being able to connect that forward and pay that pay it back but also appreciate the roots where you came from.

So, I'll first my instincts, they struggle. What I've gone through, struggling through life to try to figure out life. Struggling through life to how to figure out how to be a parent. Struggling life how to figure out how to be a single father, right. Struggling in life, where you've painted this American picture of the marriage, that the home, the picket fence, right. And realize and that just may not be my journey. Right? But I've gone through it, right. And I understand that I can either—I can feel bad about what I've gone through, or I can make the most out of what I've gone through, right. Once you understand that. So, I'm a sore loser. I hate to lose.

I don't know, you seem like you have a great disposition about you.

Well, once you struggle, you understand life humbles you, right. Once you've reached the top life also humbles you. You figure out that you can't win all the time. You figure out like, it didn't take me a week to learn how to dribble a basketball. Like it took me a long time to master how to dribble a basketball, how to shoot a basketball, how to work well with others. So, life doesn't give me any discounts whatsoever. Right? I look for the same coaches, I look for the same teammates, right? So that's, that's the purpose of happiness, right? Or the pursuit of happiness that I think everybody looks for. It just doesn't come easy. So, that has been my, and then I don't listen too well. I don't listen to instruction all the time. So when you have all these things, life will mold you. In a way to where, okay, life will listen to you but you also have to listen to life as well.

So, how did you come to terms to know that you, for example, weren't a good listener? Did somebody tell you that? Or did you just pick that up over time, and then I'm sure there was a period of realizing it, but then owning it, and then figuring out how to take that and utilize it for all the things you want to accomplish?

Great question. I'm very goal oriented. So, when you go orient and your focus, everybody doesn't always believe in what you're trying to accomplish. So, whether it's a coach, even a parent, uncle, grandmother, everybody has their own vision for what they believe you should do. So, once I've heard what everybody else thinks I should do, yeah, versus what I believe I should do. Like, God gave me this vision, right? God didn't give this visit to anyone else, right. So, I'm not expecting anyone else to understand my vision. But as you when you're young, you're told to do what you're told to do, or asked to do, whether from as a parent or an adult. I just, I didn't always heed to authority. And then once I understood what authority really meant, it freed me.

What does it really mean to you?

It means that I choose to do what's in my best interest. And in this case, as a father of my kid’s best interests. As a young man, what's in the best interest for my business? I surround myself and I ask God for wisdom and discernment. When I'm listening to others. What can I pick up from? I don't have to believe everything that they have to say. But what can I pick up from? Right, that can help me? And if it if it doesn't help me, then I have to be strong enough to say, that doesn't help me, they may have wished me the best. They may not have wished me the best or wanted the best for me. So that's the part of life right that you have to figure out. And that comes with a lot of failure.

Yes. Again, what I liked that you said the word listen, because I think it's not only listening to the inputs around you, but it's also listening to your own internal voice and the vision that you have for your life, but also keeping the counter check to make sure that you're living to that most authentic self. And that takes listening to so many different inputs. And so, along that way, setting up the boundaries and really standing strong and convicted in that, especially when you might not know because you don't know until you're actually there is, is it really the right thing? How is it gonna pan out and shake out? And it sounds like you just mentioned failures. So what would you say might be some failure that you really didn't expect? Or that happened that either may have tried to throw you off or reinforce some of these beliefs,

Unfortunately, life has my life's journey will most likely always experience some type of failure. It's just part of my learning experience, because I choose to do things most of the time my way. Which means I either have to be a better listener or I have to figure out this particular path that I'm on. I run straight. And when I run straight, I run straight to full steam. Don’t always slow down when I may need to, then always get off at an exit, you know. To gas up, to refuel. Refresh my memory, or refresh my mind as I need to. I just know I need to run to this goal. So, I think you know, what I am learning and what I have learned is to go with what my heart and my instinct tells me. You said a voice. Listen to a voice. It's actually voices that I listened to. But the voices aren't always good voices. I'm not crazy, right. But the voices can be the emotional voices. It can be a voice of fear, right. It can be a voice of doubt. Right. It can be a voice of motivation, right. So I put all of these voices into their own respective boxes, right. And then the voices that I am fearful of, because I'm also fearful, fearful of failure. Right? I identify with them. But I understand that these are emotions, right? And when you understand that their emotions and you can control these emotions, let me do what I can control, right. And when I can't control, I just leave with, like, life universe, God, my surroundings. To help push me through these learning experiences and time for what success should be defined as.

I think one of the things that makes this story and what you've been through so uniquely interesting is when you talk about looking at the different or listening to the different voices, there are certain people that suppress or ignore them, because they fear failure. So they bury the failure voice because they don't want to have to face what that feeling might be in anticipation of it actually happening. So they tunnel vision and overextend and one emotion or another, but you're saying that you look at them all. They all belong in their own place, and then you can choose which ones back to being most aligned with you and that goal that you're running towards? I can imagine with your growing up with all those brothers and sisters in you being the oldest but also throughout your career and, and being the court that there is a sense of competition. So, if we were on these roads that were on and you're in a traffic jam, everybody's headed the same place at the same time. What does competition mean for you? And how have you handled that in life as it relates to your achievements?

Well, it started with family, okay, being the oldest of five, there's competition in the home daily. Whether it’s a competition to be at the table first for food. If there's a competition, where we have a chance to race, or out on the basketball court, football field, tennis court, church, school, everything became competition. So, it always allowed me to be emphasis, and not only to lead, but I never wanted to get beat. So, that carries over to life, it carried over to my, from playing in parks to gyms, when you're the oldest or when you're perceived to be the best, or you know, you have this talent. Everyone wants to come after you, right. So, you can do one or two things you can either not practice, right, and feed into being the best or being the oldest, because that still comes with not only with a title, but it comes with a responsibility, right? So if you can't uphold to that responsibility, then you will get beat.

And then you know, you didn't ask for it. You didn't ask to be the oldest. And so that's just the path that the universe or—but that was your destiny to be that which adds them to the input of who you are and how you've learned and grown throughout the experiences that you've had.

I didn't even ask to have certain skill sets.

That's yeah, that's a good point. It was. So what would you say? That would be one that surprised you?

The ability to play basketball at the highest level? Okay, everybody's talented. Everybody can if you put in the effort, can shoot, dribble, accomplish things. Everybody should have the opportunity to get a scholarship to go to college, everybody has the opportunity to be the leader of their team. But why doesn't that happen? Like, who chooses you to be that person? That guy or that girl for the chosen reason? And then how are you able to live up to those expectations? So, now you start weeding yourself out? Right? So that's the skill set that I was able to not only possess, but to master, I was given this opportunity. And I took advantage of the opportunity. And I mastered it. And it came at the ultimate price. I've lost friends, I've lost family. I've lost. I've lost love. I've lost, you know, then there's the depression that says like, all these emotions come along with this with this experience, if you want to be the best. So, it's not a choice, right? God gives everybody some type of skill. Right? Some type of talent, some type of treasure? It's really up to you how you want to maximize it, it just comes at a cost.

It's not what's done to you. It's what you can do to it, whatever it may be. Yeah, I found that there are experiences like you said you shut off in certain phases of life or people or whether it's social or coworkers or teammates and you it starts to get a little bit more lonely, lonely, lonely, the closer you get to that alignment. But what I found also interesting is that there seems to be other people that run with that same kind of character trait heart who are also very lonely, right? Yeah, they won't say it. So what do you think we if you were to tell people how, from your perspective and opinion, how do they become more vulnerable or authentic to be able to connect more with those other people? What would that mean or look like to you?

I don't believe I can define that. It just happens. You put yourself in a right space, in the right arena, in the right room. You know, you find out that there's other people like you. Right. But that doesn't happen if you don't put yourself in these in these particular spaces. I think that's how I define vulnerability. I don't necessarily like to be around people, right. But I know it's necessary for me to be around people at times. Yeah, I know a lot of people. I don't have a lot of friends. So that's the vulnerable. That's the vulnerable part that comes along. When you expose yourself just to people, you'll find it's just, you know, life is a magnet, right? People are magnets, right. And the magnets that are supposed to kind of stick together, they'll naturally organically stick together, they find that's what I listen to. The others that you have to force and work hard relationships, business, relationships, whatever that may be. I, at my age, I've now use discernment to know, I'm not forced, I don't force anything. I don't chase after too many things. Right? I try to listen to where I'm supposed to be at what time I'm supposed to be there. It may not be what time you want me to be there. Right. But what time a schedule says for me to be there. Because I listen to life. You know, you look at news. And you see on news, so many tragedies that happen, you know, to people. And you look at yourself and say like, Man, if I would have left at that time, like if you're driving on the highway, and you know, you're supposed to leave an hour before. And for whatever reason you chose not to leave at that time. And you see a fatal accident, right? And you're like, alright, God, yeah. I appreciate that. Son may have called, daughter may have called, something may have gone on in the house, right, that you just had to take care of the last. So, I just, that's how I listen.

It’s a that sense of intuition and freedom of going with it? One of the things that you mentioned is you said you don't have a lot of friends. And I think that they the people that back to the magnets, there's fewer and fewer magnets, the more you live in tune with yourself. And some people can take that as being alone. And some people can take that as being lonely. I can see that being lonely. Sometimes those are the people that will push down some of those boundaries, or try to connect or live more externally, which is not intimate with themselves. But then it's if you're alone, it's okay. If you're alone, because you're content with who you are and what you're listening to in the space that you're filling. And you don't have to distract or fill it because it's not coming from a place of void. It's just coming from a place of contentment, where you are.

And the only person you can blame is yourself.

That's right. Yes, it's self-accountability. For no matter what circumstance you're in, if you were to take that feeling of being alone, and you were to have those moments where you were on E or you're you know, we all kind of depleted certain points. How would you recommend other people in a similar situation as you. How would you have them fill their tank or recommend that they fill their tank if it's not from the filling, just because there's other extra things outside of you? So how would you recommend people mentally and emotionally fill their tank backup?

So, I can only speak for myself my recommendations to people I am careful with, because everybody has their own journey. But my particular journey involves my family. I'm a family like, I believe I'm the best father and best dad that that since sliced bread. Yeah. So I must make sure that I'm around my son and daughter as much as possible. That gives me life. That is my fuel. My mom and my dad, thank God that I've been allowed and spare to see life and see their journey. They've been married for 50 years. Right? And I still have a mom and dad are still married. That, so, those two things right there right between a 50-year anniversary right? And them still being together. Both being still alive. Yeah. With not any major you know, cancers or health that right there gives me fuel. Right. My brothers and my sister. They give me fuel. And then my small circle of friends. Right. And they come in pockets they come and seasons. That gives me purpose in life because I need I need a little bit. Those are my ingredients, to say, all right. They know me better than anybody else. You know, they know how to pick me up. Right? I don't believe that they're telling me things that I just want to hear, you understand? So, that is what gives me life. For those that don't have parents, siblings, friends. I think it's important that you that you must wake up with a circle of energy, right? That gives you life, that gives you encouragement, right? Whether it's the Bible, whether it's, you know, positive You know, morning messages in the morning, right? Whether its sports and getting up to exercise, right. So now you have to create your own family. And it doesn't necessarily have to mean bodies. It just means something that you enjoy doing. That gives you life. Yeah. Right, that gives you health gives you strength, the foods that you eat. So, but I also incorporate that in because sometimes family isn't there, right.

But it goes back to what you said about it being up to you, for you to find what it is that gives you that fuel, and being able to listen to what those elements are that are most going to fill you whether it is family, or you know, working out or whether it is some people dive into work. Sometimes over index way, workaholic kind of a way. But you have to listen to that too.

Yes, yes. And again, that's the lonely journey, right? It doesn't mean that you're lonely, it doesn't mean that this may be something that you have to do alone, right, but there's a difference. But if that is your journey, and then however many years it takes, because there's no expiration date, right. On that there's no blueprint to say, this is when you're going to be successful. This is when this is gonna happen. This is when this person is going to come into your life. So, whenever that is like you have to you have to live that and stay focused. But what happens is there's so many distractions, right, and so many excuses that you can come up with, right that a lot of people will get off track. So, if I can just say anything to the audience that's listening to him he is to stay focus is not easy. But the goal…

But then you don't want to fill your tank with superficial gas, right? You want to be able to make sure that it is what's meant for you. And I think sometimes that's hard for people to identify. So I love what you're saying about listening to what's out there and following your intuition. Because that's going to be your internal GPS, so to speak, on how to get where you need to go. You mentioned the word success. So on the road to success, I wouldn't really arrived, right? you'd ever really end up at a point where this is it and hey, I'm here, we can get out of the car now. So, what when you think about success in itself? How would you define it? What does it mean to you?

Success continues to evolve in my world. Success is being able to accomplish something, give gratitude to life, give honor to God for allowing me to accomplish that. But what's next? Success is not holding on to what I was told to accomplish, and let the world know that I've arrived. That's just me. It keeps the tension off of me. Right. It keeps it keeps the voices and spirits in their place. Right. It keeps life respecting me. You accomplish this young man. But I have more I got more for you to there's something else. Right. Right. Success is not holding on and sitting in the king's throne. And just and just and sitting. So I've, I've experienced that by accomplishing certain things, just in sports, right. And thinking, I've arrived, right. So you see it with athletes actually just see it with professionals and executives all the time. They've accomplished some where there was a certain goal and yes, and now I don't have to do anything else. But there's somebody else looking at you when exactly what you want. Right. So there's, you know, there's a saying, you know, in the jungle, where the lion and the gazelle, they both get up at the same time. Every morning, they get up at the same time, the lion has one objective in mind. And so does the gazelle. The lion knows he has to eat and feed his family. Right? The gazelle he gets up, he gets up knowing I gotta run from the lion. Every morning. So, and knowing that, like, every everybody has purpose in their own definition of what they should be doing, including the animals of the jungle, right, then you have no time to lean on, you know what you've accomplished? In my world. So that's, that's my way of respecting life.

And everybody has their role and their place. And I find it interesting because people do reach the point not only if they thought they arrived from their own goals, but maybe it's from what society expected or wanted or assigned to them, when they get there. And if you accept that, or sit in that throne, and you don't accept that there could be more abundance for you, you almost stop, you almost stop learning and stop thinking in a certain way. And you don't really know what could be next. And it's the same way the failure right there. They're both two opposite ends of the spectrum. But if you fail, and you don't get through that you also don't know what could be next either way. So learning from either or, and how they actually really tie together. It's really interesting. So talk to me about what you think about when it comes to lifting up others on this journey. We've all had tow trucks that we've needed to pick us up once in a while, who and in what situation, have you had somebody help lift you and carry you for a little bit and what did that mean to you?

So first, allow me to Say, it isn't very important that you surround yourself with a team. Right. A team of people that think mostly like you, not think exactly like you, right? But people that can fill in these gaps in these voids where you have weaknesses. So I've chosen to surround myself with people that are mostly smarter than me, and help fulfill the weaknesses that I have identified with. Yeah. And I would like to say most of these people I call friends. Friends can be board members. Friends can also be business partners. Friends can also be family. Right? But I'm careful of them all. Friends can now be my son and daughter, whose 23 and 21 who I really can't treat like children anymore. Right. But I'm able to have conversations with them. And enter their world. Right. What helps me stay young, right. But these, this is that success to me. Because now it always keeps me grounded, right. I don't like hearing things all the time. That just make me feel good, right. It's nice to have that feeling. But I also want to be told, Hey, man, like, you messed up here. You can do better here. Have you thought about doing this? Right? These people want to meet you. Right. So that small team, which I'm used to being a part of. I have to have that in my next phase of life. I've always had to have that as I've looked back, right. So they say the only time you're supposed to look back is connect the dots. Right? So, that's the only time I really look back, connect these dots to see Man, these are the same patterns. Yes, right. Whatever else has gone wrong. My family has usually been there. These fans have been there. Right? When I was down and out and I lost everything. People could have. The people that did go along with me losing everything. That was their season to go also, right. For the people that stay there with me, I have to note that.

Yep. It's like the people that help you turn the mirror where you're vulnerable enough to see yourself, but the ones that help you see yourself, and that way that's ever changing. Those are the ones that fall in that circle. Yeah. With the whole inroads, purpose and mission of us to help inspire others. Thank you again, for being with us today. If you were to leave one parting word of advice for somebody that is listening to inspire them to find similar inroads to their own character virtue, assignment to themselves listening and all those things that we've talked about, what would you sum that up to be if you were to leave them with one piece of advice?

Follow your heart, be careful of what your mind tells you. If the heart agrees with the mind, then you have to listen to that.

Yes, that’s great alignment.

Be aware of the wolves that are dressed up in sheep's clothing, which means everybody does not have your best interests. Unfortunately, failure is going to come along with the experience, as you mentioned before, how you get up from the failures will determine what type of person that you are. Be careful of being institutionalized, whether it's in school systems, church systems, society systems. They're built and designed for control. If you're able to unlearn the trained mind, or unlearned, the learned mind. Which means, like you learn most of the information that we learn is from age 7-17. So, depending on what you learn what you're exposed to. A lot of times that will stay with you. If you can, somehow untrained that mind. It'll take you a long way, right. There's many people that look like you and I, but they don't speak the same language that we speak. They don't believe in the same languages. I mean, the same religions that we believe in, they don't come from the same cultures and environments. So really, what makes you different from me? Really, at the end of the day, there is an origin. Where everybody came from. So those are things those are just the nuggets of wisdom. They're not, there's not necessarily a rule book. There's a blueprint. So follow the blueprint. Or you can create your own following someone's footsteps, or you can create your own footsteps. I don't necessarily believe in rules, rules are broken. And they're made every three to five years. There's laws that everybody wants to abide to what the rules sometimes you have to create your own.

Meant to be tested in some ways. Yes, I love it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Loved hearing more of your story and appreciate your wisdom. And I'm so sure that this is going to do what our objective was, which is to help inspire so many others. So thank you so much for sharing with us.

Thank you. Pleasure’s mine.