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Your Top Dating Questions Answered
Episode 2414th April 2025 • Stop Chasing Unavailable Guys • Truly Eleanor
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I can’t believe we’re already here. It’s the season two finale! This journey has been incredible, and I’m so grateful you’ve come along for the ride. Whether you’ve been listening since episode one or just found the podcast recently, I wanted to wrap up the season by answering your burning dating questions. Because if you're a single woman over 40 looking for your Mr. Right and you’re tired of wasting time on emotionally unavailable men- this episode is for you.

But first, I do a quick recap of this entire season. Season two was all about getting super intentional about finding love. No fluff, no wasting time just practical, grounded advice on how to meet Mr. Right, especially when dating after 40 feels… overwhelming or exhausting.

Here’s what we’ve covered this season (in case you want to catch up or revisit any gems before season three drops):

  • Episode 1: How to meet Mr. Right now—not in five years. I shared how getting clear and intentional can lead to real results, faster than you think.
  • Episodes 2–4: The three surefire avenues to meet someone: through friends and family, at social/singles events, and yes… online dating. I broke down the mindset traps to avoid and how to use these paths effectively.
  • Episode 5: How to recognize Mr. Right when he does show up—and avoid second-guessing yourself into confusion.
  • Episode 6: Spotting Mr. Unavailable. Because recognizing the wrong fit is just as important as spotting the right one.
  • Episodes 7–9: My top dating advice for women over 40. This juicy three-part series covered internal prep, aligned action, and managing dating fears and anxiety.
  • Episodes 10–11: First date do’s and don’ts. From pre-date prep to red flag radar, I walk you through exactly how to show up with confidence.

And now… drumroll… in this finale episode, I’m answering some of the most common questions I get from women just like you:

What we cover in this episode:

  • “Which dating site should I use?”—I give you the honest truth (hint: there’s no perfect app, but the way you use it matters most).
  • How to use dating apps without getting completely burnt out or wasting your energy—yes, I believe in setting dating boundaries!
  • How to stop overgiving and start receiving—especially if you're used to settling or putting your needs last in relationships.
  • Why you might feel repulsed when someone actually treats you well—and how to rewire your heart to let love in.

Dating after 40 doesn't have to feel like a second job or a hopeless game. You deserve a love that feels like home and I’m here to help you get there with grace, clarity, and intention.

Want to help shape Season 3?

I’d love to hear from you. Make sure you’re on my email list so you can submit your own questions and ideas for upcoming episodes.


If this episode hit home, send it to a friend who’s dating after 40 and ready for a real love story. And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.

We’re just getting started. 💛


I hope you enjoyed the show! Please hit subscribe and leave a review and if you’re ready to take the fastest path to Mr. Right, be sure to join us for the Detox Unavailable Guys Challenge at www.stopchasingunavailableguys.com 

Goodbye Mr. Unavailable, Hello Mr. Right Toolkit: Ready to dive in? get your very own toolkit to help you find Mr. Right without wasting any more time on unavailable guys here


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Transcripts

Truly Eleanor:

If you're a single woman over 40 looking for Mr.

Right and you want practical dating strategies that help you stop wasting precious time chasing after unavailable guys, you're in the right place in this episode as an intuitive dating coach. Today is the season finale, and I'll be answering your burning questions on love and dating so you can get closer to meeting Mr. Right.

Let's get started. Welcome to the Stop Chasing Unavailable Guys podcast, where I teach single women over 40 the fastest path to find Mr.

Right so you can stop wasting time on emotionally unavailable guys. I'm your host, Truly Eleanor, and I'm here to give you the tools to find the love you desire.

After years of coaching women worldwide and breaking my own patterns to find Mr. Right in my 40s, I know love is closer than you think. Let's get started. Welcome to our season finale.

This is episode 12 of season two, and I just, just can't believe it. It's been such an amazing, awesome ride so far, and I wanted to cover your dating Q and A, your burning questions about love and dating after 40.

So we're going to get into that and it's going to be really good and juicy. But first, I wanted to give you a summary of the season in case you've missed any of the episodes or just kind of tie everything together.

I love doing that. Tying everything with a neat little bow. The end of season two, so you can kind of reflect.

If you have been following along with each episode, you can reflect on what you've learned over the season and what you might want to see for season three, which you can absolutely do. If you get on my mailing list, I'll have an opportunity for you to ask questions or let me know what you want to see.

All right, so let's go over a summary of the season. This was really season two was all about meeting Mr. Wright and doing it in a practical, grounded, intentional way.

Especially after 40, we have to really use our time wisely, so to speak, and not waste our precious time. We just don't have time like we might have had in our 20s and 30s, and you might be feeling really burnt out.

So this is a really practical season on meeting Mr. Right. And we started off episode one on how to meet Mr. Right now. Not in five years, not in 10 years, not in five months even.

I've seen it done pretty quickly if you get really intentional and get into your heart.

So we went over the ways to meet your mister Right now and, you know, this year or whatever time frame you really want to have and to figure out, you know, what you might be doing that's getting in the way of that. So that was a really amazing episode for that. That was episode one.

And then we went into a three part series which I wanted you to learn and really think about the ways to meet Mr. Right. The practical ways, you know, what are, what are the avenues you're going to meet someone and to get really honest with yourself.

Am I using any of these avenues, these surefire ways that you're going to meet someone or am I being like, oh, well, I'll just leave it up to the universe? We don't want to be doing that.

We want to be open, of course, your heart open and moving towards your desires and letting the universe surprise you and all those amazing things.

And also underline and also moving in the direction that is going to bring in somebody instead of being passive about it or instead of waiting, you know, in your apartment or whatever it is for the guy to come knocking on your door like that could just take a long time. So we've got part one was friends and family. That's a beautiful avenue.

And I also talked about, you know, if you don't trust your family to help you find someone, the things that you can do instead. And then the second part was around social and singles events, which is a beautiful avenue.

And I talked about the things I've heard from women, you know, saying this doesn't work and I never find anyone this way.

And so with all of these episodes, I really talk to you about the mindset piece and what you might be getting into, sort of these pitfalls of your mindset that are stopping you from meeting someone right away. So that was social and singles events. And then we did online dating because of course we cannot ignore online dating.

And I went into a lot of the, you know, mindset and also the reality that online dating is incredibly frustrating and weird and all those things, but it doesn't mean that you cannot use it as an online, you know, as an avenue to meet someone.

So hopefully I convinced you to give it a try again in, in my way, in my particular way that I help people in a really practical and intentional way without wasting your time. And then we went into, you know, how to recognize Mr. Right. That was episode five. Like, how are you going to know when you meet the right guy?

You really have to dive into that and dial into what are your deal breakers and how do you want to feel?

And all of these things, like having him show up and then second guessing yourself and kind of going around in all these loops that are keeping you further away from recognizing him. So we did a whole episode on that and then the second episode, of course we had to do how to recognize Mr. Unavailable.

Because you really need to be clear on who your Mr. Unavailable is. And throughout the season and any episode that I do, I'm always talking about what is going on for you.

Like someone who you know, loves a guy who's outgoing and the life of the party. It could be someone else's nightmare. So you have to know what is going to be your Mr. Wrong, so to speak.

And really know that as, as deeply as you know who your Mr. Right is. And it's all an individual thing. So you have to kind of figure that out for yourself. But I gave you some great guidelines on that.

And then we did an amazing series, a three part series on the best dating advice for women over 40. And I went into three specific ways to really grab onto how can I date best after 40?

How can I really date in a way that's going to feel good for me, that I can enjoy myself and that I can move towards what my heart's desire is, the kind of life I want, the kind of love relationship I want. And so that was a really juicy three part series on the best dating advice. And actually last season I did the worst dating advice.

So I wanted to balance it out so that you actually knew what to do. And it went along with the really practical themed podcast. Season of Season two was really practical. So we went into the ways to prepare internally.

And then the second part was around taking aligned action and how to do that and what does that mean?

And then part three was around dating fears and anxiety because I know a lot of women I've talked to and myself included when I was dating I had all these fears. I had tons of self doubt and insecurities and a lot of anxiety around it.

And so I give you some really practical ways to manage that and navigate those dating fears and overcome become them so that you can put your best self forward and be yourself. And really like I said, cut down on that time wasting because it is your precious time.

You know, you deserve to be able to meet someone in a timely manner. And then we did. I really wanted to do like a practical breakdown of a first date.

So I went into part one was first date do's and part two is first date don'ts. So the do's and don'ts of your first date and that included how to prepare yourself, how to navigate through the date and then after.

So we have a lot of questions. You know, I get a lot of, you know, what should I do before the date? And how do I know the date's going well?

Or, like, how do I know if it's a red flag or not?

And all these questions that come up, I really wanted to dive into that and just kind of walk you through the first date experiences from my experience of being an intuitive dating coach, and then also my own personal experience of being pretty much a hot mess and choosing all the wrong guys and going through that over and over again until I was able to overcome that and meet my husband, who is the love of my life. So I want that for you, too. So I wanted to walk you through that first date experience.

And now today, to get to the exciting part of today, I'm going to answer your burning questions around dating that you've put forward.

And so hopefully you'll resonate with these questions I can always do in season three, I can do another one if you really like it and you want to put in your own personal question. And I've picked the questions to speak to the majority of women that I've worked with and that I've helped over the years.

These are some really important themed questions that come up again and again. The first one is I'm just starting the dating scene. So this is for anyone who is.

Maybe they've had a long marriage and they're coming out of their marriage and they've had some time and they're finally ready to get back out there. And they're like, I. I've been off the dating scene for so long, I don't even know what is happening right now.

And so she was talking about starting the dating scene after a long gap. Are there any recommendations on which dating site to use? And I hear this a lot.

And now I just want to say, you know, I'm going to answer this more in depth, but basically, there is no one perfect dating site.

I feel like it's best to, you know, pick one or two that you have heard good things about, like match.com or whatever it is, and go with that for a little bit of time and do it in the intentional way that I help you with.

And you can always go back and listen to these episodes that you might have missed and specifically the one on online dating, which is episode four, and really dive into that practice and that process and give it a chance, because it's how you approach the dating app and how you approach dating, specifically knowing, you know, knowing Your deal breakers, knowing what you want, connecting into your heart's desires, following your intuition, all of these practices that I teach. It's going to work on pretty much any dating site.

You know, you can come at me if you want, but I can be sure to find somebody who is a nice guy or who's going to be the right guy for you. On any dating site it is a little more iffy with the ones that are mostly for hookups. I wouldn't really recommend those ones.

And because it's harder to find somebody who is really wanting a relationship and who wants a long term lasting love. So that's the only caveat I would say is just don't go, you know, what is the saying? Don't go to the hardware store looking for milk.

Like if it's a dating app that's for hookups, you're not going to really, it's going to be like a needle in a haystack. So that's my only thing that I would say for sure not to do unless that's what you're looking for. That's totally fine.

But most people, women listening to this and if you're listening to this, you're looking for a long term lasting relationship. That's really where you can be yourself, where you can feel at home with the person and really create that life that you're looking for.

So if that's what you want, then definitely don't go on those hookup sites. I like Bumble. I could be wrong.

There's some situations where you could use Bumble for relationships, but again, I wouldn't, you know, pick that one as the top. So pick one or two that you've heard about that are popular and just give it a try, but try it with this intentional process. Okay.

Second one is kind of a first cousin to this question is how to use dating apps and not become a slave to them or just get totally burnt out.

And that's another thing that I really work on and helping you to, to learn is how to manage your energy, how to manage your emotions, how to be in the best space that you can possibly be in while you're dating, and before, during and after your dates. So that's really something I hugely focus on.

So in a nutshell, I would say to know your deal breakers, to know what you're looking for beforehand, to have a boundary around how much time you're going to spend on the app, what days you're going to go on. So you basically make a calendar for yourself. It's Like a dating plan where you say, okay, for the next 90 days, this is my dating plan.

And I'm going to do, you know, Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I'm going to go on there for one hour. I'm going to prepare myself beforehand by looking at my list of deal breakers, how I want to feel, etc.

And then kind of create a goal for yourself where you're like, okay, I have a goal to talk to, you know, three high quality guys or three guys who I'm having an interesting conversation with, that's my intention, and then see where it goes from there. Or you can have an intention for the month where it's like, I intend to go on three coffee dates this month and I'm going to give it a try.

Even if maybe the person doesn't seem like they would be who I typically would go out with, but being more open, as long as they don't have those huge, you know, flashing signs that say, this is my deal breaker.

Like if they're, they live in another city or you know, they're much older than you are much younger than you, or they have kids, if you don't want kids, or the vice versa. So you want to make sure that, you know, you have those parameters for yourself, the deal breakers and all of those things.

And if you do it in that way, then you're going to have a really, a much more productive and confident feeling experience and you're going to be in a forward momentum with your energy if you approach the dating in that way. Okay, so the next question is she's talking about not knowing how to receive and expecting very little. So in other words, like settling.

And she's always given the person the world. So whoever she's dating, she's just over giving and she's not able to receive.

And she has kind of a low standard for herself and she's asking, you know, how can I overcome this pattern? This is a really beautiful question because it is pretty much my life story. It's like learning how to receive.

And that's why I call my framework Let Love in.

Because if you're constantly giving, if you're over giving, if you're over focused on the other person, if everything you do is focused outwardly towards making that person happy. First of all, we don't think about sometimes that the guy is really trying to give you that love and attention and you're pushing it away.

So have you ever done that where you're like, oh, that guy was so nice and I just felt repulsed by it, because you're not used to it. You're used to constantly giving.

And when someone who's really nice all of a sudden steps out and says, I want to do this for you, or I really want to show you that I care, or, you know, being a very giving and available emotionally in every way kind of person, if you start to get that ick factor or feel like, oh my gosh, I don't know if I can deal with this. That's where you can really do the inner work. And I would suggest doing an inner work before you get on the dating apps with how can I receive today?

You know, what can I do to help take in love and receive love?

So you can do that in the way where you're giving love to yourself through affirmations, you're spending time with pets and animals who give lots of love and just taking it all in, the hugs, the pets, the kisses, and just doing a love fest with animals and being really, really open to that. You can let love in by allowing compliments or being like, thank you so much. I receive that.

You know, and even just taking a breath and putting your hand on your heart and saying, thank you so much, or I've heard people say, I receive that, I receive that.

So it's just an intentional working with that part of yourself that's uncomfortable receiving and starting to see how you can do that on a daily basis in different ways.

And then during your date, receive the compliment, let him pull out the chair for you, let him give you a gift and a flowers or something like that into saying, wow, this is so nice. I received this. And one caveat I would say to recognize the difference between that and love bombing.

And love bombing is where you, you feel overwhelmed or you start to feel like you're nervous system is going, you know, crazy, or you're overstimulated, or it feels like almost like a high and you're feeling very confused or thrown off. That's where you're like, wow, this is too much. If someone shows up with candy, flowers, jewelry, I made this for you. I did this for you.

On the first date or the second date, that's when you're like, whoa, this is too much. So give yourself some grace.

If that happens, you're just learning how to receive and, you know, knowing what feels safe and what feels comfortable and what feels good in your body and just checking in with that and then spending time getting used to receiving. So that's a really great question. I really appreciate that one coming in. And then the last one I want to talk about is.

I hear this a lot as well, is how to overcome your cozy, introverted life and put yourself out there again. So, for example, I've heard a lot of women talk about how they have a good life. You know, they like to spend time with themselves.

They really enjoy being in their own company, and they like to spend time with themselves. And they've kind of got stuck in a rut in a way. So they're. They're living a really comfortable life.

But it's what some people have called a hermit life. And so I did this for 10 years. I was barely dating. I was just spending time holed up in my little apartment with my cat.

And I was like, I'm happy like this. I feel good.

And that's wonderful to learn how to love yourself and spend time with yourself, but sometimes it just swings to the other direction, where it's a little too far, you're a little too introverted, or herm. You know, hermody, where it's almost like, oh, I don't want to get out of my pajamas. I don't want to go on a date.

I don't want to spend time out of my cozy little life. And that's where I would say you're maybe having some fears. You.

You know, the less you do it or the longer this goes on, the more fears come up around getting yourself out there. And so that's where my preparation for dating comes in and doing the deal breakers.

Tuning in with your heart, getting connected with your intuition, and starting to ask yourself, like, am I really willing to do this for the rest of my life? Am I willing to have a isolated type of life? And again, I'm not talking to the people who have decided this is what they want.

If you're feeling uncomfortable with it, if you're having a bit of a, you know, you have a desire for something else, or you have these moments where you're like, I'm pretty lonely, but I'm nicely comfortable in this life.

That's where you're having a conflict internally, where you do want to get yourself out there, you do want to meet someone who's amazing, and you want to have a life that you're sharing with someone, but you're stuck in that rut. So if that's you, then I would just say start with the basics.

Allow yourself to journal for a little while and say, what am I looking for and what is it that I want, and what am I afraid of to go after that? What are Some of the fears that are coming up. And you can listen to episode nine around dating fears and anxiety and overcoming it.

And those will give you some really nice tools to start to put yourself out there.

But it all starts with letting that voice, that whisper of the heart to truly come in and start talking to you and giving you that wisdom that, you know, this is what we want, this is what I've always wanted, and allowing that part of you to speak to yourself. And with that, I wanted to just make sure to comment about this because my last video, I had a.

Either it was a bot or someone who was very upset with what I was saying and then at the end said, fun fact, the heart doesn't talk. And so I wanted to really make sure that everyone hears this and that you hear this deeply, that that is absolutely untrue.

And so anyone who is saying something like that is unfortunately not connected to their body and their heart. And that's what I teach, is how to get out of your head and into your heart. Because that's where everything changes.

When you start having a conversation with yourself, when you start connecting to your deep self, your true self, everything changes. And anyone who says that that is not a thing and is unfortunately very closed off and not able to connect to themselves.

Or maybe they're a robot, which means they don't have a heart, so they wouldn't understand in the first place. And they are programmed to discredit that truth. And I wanted to counter that with the truth. The truth is your heart speaks to you every single day.

Your intuition speaks to you every single day. It's just a matter of learning how to tune in and use that for your dating. Use that to help you to find love. Because it's the fastest path.

The fastest path is stopping chasing unavailable guys.

And really the mechanism behind that is to listen to your body, to listen to your heart, to tune into your intuition, trust your intuition and listen to your intuition. That is how you stop that pattern. Period, end of sentence. So please take that. If you take nothing else today, please take that one to heart.

No pun intended. And I wanted to just thank you so much for listening to season two.

I'm really, really excited to have you here and so happy to be giving you hopefully helpful tips and wisdom on dating after 40. And I'm going to be back at the beginning of May, so approximately in one month. So don't worry, I'm going to be back.

And in the meantime, you can listen to those episodes that you missed. Be sure to go to my website for my free Detox Unavailable Guys Challenge.

That's a perfect way to get started on a lot of these exercises and mindset tips that I've been talking about through the episode and to join my mailing list for weekly tips, resources and the community. To join the community of women out there dating after 40 and growing more confident every day and actually enjoying themselves and meeting their Mr.

Right. That's what I want for you. And I also want you to remember that love is closer than you think. And bye for now. I hope you enjoyed the show.

Please hit subscribe and leave a review. And if you're ready to take the fast, fastest path to Mr.

Right, be sure to take my Detox Unavailable guys challenge@stopchasingunavailableguys.com that's stopchasing unavailable guys.com I'm truly Eleanor. See you next time. And remember, love is closer than you think.

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