Artwork for podcast Your Sexyfied Life 🇬🇧/🇫🇷
No, you're not selfish
Episode 44 • 10th May 2024 • Your Sexyfied Life 🇬🇧/🇫🇷 • Dr Fanny Leboulanger
00:00:00 00:11:46

Share Episode

Shownotes

When did we agree that considering self-respect, self-preservation, honoring basic human needs, and wanting aliveness is selfish? We can be hijacked by our little voice saying we're "selfish" when we try to do things differently. But I'm almost 100% sure you're not 😏

Love Letters is a short and sweet format where I record for you snippets and golden nuggets of the love letters I send to my community. You can subscribe to get the emails (and all the wisdom I don't record too 😏) by clicking here

-------

Loved today's episode? Check these out, because you deserve to have fun and learn something useful : 

✨ 31. Finding Safety Within

✨ 22. Ditch the "I don't know"

✨ 18. Is your sexuality stuck in "Paint by Numbers" mode?

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

If you’re new here, hi, I’m Dr Fanny Leboulanger, French Doctor and Sassy Sex Coach, nice to meet you 😏 My mission? Helping people (like you ?) reignite theri alivness by stepping out of life auto-pilot, sexual boredom and self-hate. So that you can reclaim your own Lifegasm. Through 1:1 coaching and magic tools (food for thoughts, sexy education, reclaiming pleasure and inner healing), with a zero bullshit tolerance, we embark together on our journey towards your most Sexyfied Life. 

If you like my work, you can offer financial support on Paypal here.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

If you found that episode interesting, feel free to share it with a loved one (inviting them into our Sexy Family) and subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform, it's the number one way to support the spread of the Sexyfied Magic to the world. For extra-support, leave a review on your favorite podcast platform, it helps the show become more and more visible.


And if you want to discover other amazing shows from podcast friends, here is a selection of amazing podcasts & interviews :

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

This podcast is for educational purposes only. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein.

Transcripts

Fanny solo:

Hello, my friends in LA come.

2

:

Another love letter.

3

:

No, you're not selfish.

4

:

A few people in my life these

days, friends and coachees

5

:

brought me an opportunity to

think about what being selfish is.

6

:

So I did what I usually do, I had ideas.

7

:

I started to write a script that

for some reason takes forever, so

8

:

it might be two or three episodes.

9

:

But I'm impatient and I

wanted to share some ideas.

10

:

With you.

11

:

So, no.

12

:

You're not selfish.

13

:

One thing to do something just

for yourself and for you to enjoy.

14

:

Isn't selfish.

15

:

It's believing you're worthy of

interest, worthy of time and energy.

16

:

Saying no to something

that you don't want to do.

17

:

Isn't selfish.

18

:

It's self-respect.

19

:

Allowing you to enjoy the

most of an experience.

20

:

And absorb its juiciness and a lifeness

until the last drop isn't selfish.

21

:

It's being smart.

22

:

Because what would you enjoy

only half of something?

23

:

Fanny solo: Wanting to speak up and

voice out dislikes and ask repeatedly

24

:

and loudly for respect, isn't selfish.

25

:

It's self-respect.

26

:

This one is height.

27

:

Receiving.

28

:

Without having to give anything

back right away isn't selfish.

29

:

It's letting people who

love you take care of you.

30

:

And if some people give things

to you when they don't love you,

31

:

that's their problem, not yours.

32

:

You wanting to stop putting others

first all the time isn't selfish.

33

:

That's called survival instinct.

34

:

You having enough of giving your

time and energy to everybody

35

:

all the time isn't selfish.

36

:

It's called being smart because

you cannot pour from an empty cup.

37

:

So you need to fill your cup.

38

:

You enjoying the benefits of a

situation you have very little

39

:

control over isn't selfish.

40

:

It's called being smart.

41

:

There are benefits.

42

:

Why not take it?

43

:

You wanting to exit a situation

maybe at work or something that

44

:

sucks, even if people count on you or

people will suffer, is not selfish.

45

:

It's called being smart, because why

would you do something that will hurt you.

46

:

That's called self-preservation instinct.

47

:

You're not responsible of how's society

is twisted and is putting us in this

48

:

situation that somehow says this

self-preservation instinct is bad.

49

:

That's sad.

50

:

That sucks.

51

:

But the best thing you can do is to

show the people around you that it's

52

:

possible and that it should be the norm.

53

:

And not wait until you get sick, break

your foot, have the car accident, have

54

:

a loved one die to actually own that.

55

:

You refusing to be put in the middle

of people who can't figure out their

56

:

own relationship mess isn't selfish.

57

:

It's called self preservation.

58

:

Also it helps people evolve

and look at their own shit.

59

:

So it's not selfish and

it's getting them a favor.

60

:

A favor that may not be

comfortable, but it's a fever.

61

:

You taking space to share

your emotions and stop sucking

62

:

them all in isn't selfish.

63

:

It creates opportunity for connections

and it can inspire others to stop sucking

64

:

all of their emotions all in as well.

65

:

Sometimes also it helps people become more

comfortable with other's emotions too.

66

:

And we definitely need

more skillfulness in that.

67

:

You wanting to experience

pleasure isn't selfish.

68

:

It's your birthright.

69

:

Do you remember orgasm Morgan?

70

:

You having dreams and

desires, isn't selfish.

71

:

It's honoring your life impulse.

72

:

Remember desire is what creates

life, you know, sexual energy

73

:

creating babies, et cetera.

74

:

You stopping to pretend you're

okay when you're not is in selfish.

75

:

It's stopping playing the

persona pretending game.

76

:

You're doing everyone a favor by

showing you're a real human so that

77

:

people can be human around you too.

78

:

You allowing yourself to dream bigger,

even if you have a lot already.

79

:

Isn't selfish.

80

:

It's following expunsion impulses.

81

:

You wouldn't ask a flower

not to bloom, would you?

82

:

You keeping your answer of "no, I

am not doing that" when everybody

83

:

wants you to change your mind because

X, Y, or Z reason isn't selfish.

84

:

It is stopping putting

yourself last on the list.

85

:

And that is very smart because if you put

yourself last on the list, guess what?

86

:

Nobody will come and look at

the last part of your list.

87

:

They already have a lot of shit

to deal with, with their own list.

88

:

You wanting to feel more emotions

and step out of autopilot

89

:

and numbness isn't selfish.

90

:

It's reclaiming what should be the norm.

91

:

Instead of these doom and

gloom ambiance around us.

92

:

You wanting to spend money on yourself,

just for yourself and for you to enjoy

93

:

whether it's a massage, a trip, coaching

or whatever you want isn't selfish.

94

:

It's called expanding

your zone of tolerance.

95

:

Because let's be honest, we need to expand

our zone of tolerance of good things too,

96

:

And most of all, you allowing

yourself to shine isn't selfish.

97

:

You accepting to shine isn't selfish.

98

:

It's doing yourself a favor by

allowing your whole body, mind and

99

:

spirit to function in a harmonious

way, instead of consuming your energy

100

:

in maintaining tangled, societal

patterns, traumas, and mess around you.

101

:

It's way easier to walk around with a pile

of bowls, fitting into each other instead

102

:

of a pile of messy dishes of various

forms tangled with each other, isn't it.?

103

:

Fanny solo: You wanting

a Lifegasm isn't selfish.

104

:

You can have it.

105

:

Just be aware of how Lifegasm also

includes facing your own shit, head first

106

:

and not about being perfectly happy in

pure bliss and ecstasy 24 7, you're going

107

:

to get disappointed if you want that.

108

:

And also on a very basic level,

eating the last piece of chocolate if

109

:

nobody wants chocolate, isn't selfish.

110

:

Also, you can share chocolate, by the way.

111

:

When did we decide self-respect,

self-preservation, basic needs honoring,

112

:

and wanting aliveness is selfish?

113

:

I'll say that again.

114

:

When did we decide self-respect,

self-preservation, basic needs honoring,

115

:

and wanting aliveness are selfish?

116

:

It's time to change that.

117

:

It's a flower selfish, if she blooms?

118

:

Is she full of herself when

her colors shine bright?

119

:

Is she harming anybody when she blooms?

120

:

No.

121

:

She's actually taking her part in

this particular garden symphony.

122

:

Is a flower selfish when she

consumes oxygen, water and nutrients?

123

:

After all she's consuming resources

other flowers could use, or animals.

124

:

How dare she consume resources?

125

:

But what happens to that

beautiful flower when she dies?

126

:

She becomes compost Eden by warms

and she fertilizes the soil.

127

:

So she has value too.

128

:

If flowers could.

129

:

not take what they need...

130

:

What would happen if she did that?

131

:

What would happen to that flower

who didn't honor her need or

132

:

forbidding herself to bloom?

133

:

What wouldx happen?

134

:

She would be stunted, small, unhealthy.

135

:

The garden will look like shit, but

also what would happen when she dies?

136

:

She will bring, because she's so

small and stunned and unhealthy,

137

:

less nutrients to the soil.

138

:

With the societal conditioning, traumas,

patterns, aren't we all encouraged

139

:

to take as little space as possible?

140

:

Be quiet and be in service, but don't,

you dare take too much resources

141

:

for yourself, put others firsts...

142

:

What happens to a soil fertilized

by flower who didn't bloom?

143

:

I'll let you think

about that for a second.

144

:

And just in case that, well

then clear you are the flower.

145

:

But Nope you don't need to be dead to

for generalized the world around you.

146

:

When you allow yourself to receive,

to desire, to do what you want,

147

:

to experience emotions, to say

"fuck that" when you've had enough.

148

:

You show up differently in conversations.

149

:

So you impact people differently.

150

:

How would you feel in a

conversation where you have a

151

:

great time with people you love?

152

:

And another conversation with

people you really don't want to

153

:

see but quote unquote "have to"..

154

:

In which conversation will you be the

most present, the most available for

155

:

listening, for giving amazing insights?

156

:

So in honoring what you want,

spending this conversation with

157

:

people you love, and quote on quote,

being selfish, even if you're not.

158

:

You're doing others a favor to.

159

:

You're A better person to

talk to in this conversation.

160

:

Let's also acknowledge that

sometimes we have dinners, we don't

161

:

want to attend and still have to.

162

:

But we don't need to

go there all the time.

163

:

By helping yourself,

you do others a favor.

164

:

Period.

165

:

And I know you are aware of which

types of situation this applies to.

166

:

Respecting yourself.

167

:

Isn't being an asshole, but

I'm sure you know that already.

168

:

So, no.

169

:

You're not selfish if you want the basic

self-respect, self-preservation, basic

170

:

needs honoring, feeling of aliveness,

pleasure you are worthy of deserving,

171

:

just because you are you as a human.

172

:

With a fucking crown on your head,

lit because you're royalty by nature.

173

:

No, you're not selfish.

174

:

If you enjoyed this love letter, feel

free to read or listen to the others.

175

:

The links are in the show notes.

176

:

I can't wait to hear.

177

:

What do you think about it?

178

:

Thank you so much for sharing

your time and energy with me.

179

:

And I'll see you.

180

:

Next time.

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube