Shownotes
When did we agree that considering self-respect, self-preservation, honoring basic human needs, and wanting aliveness is selfish? We can be hijacked by our little voice saying we're "selfish" when we try to do things differently. But I'm almost 100% sure you're not 😏
Love Letters is a short and sweet format where I record for you snippets and golden nuggets of the love letters I send to my community. You can subscribe to get the emails (and all the wisdom I don't record too 😏) by clicking here
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✨ 22. Ditch the "I don't know"
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If you’re new here, hi, I’m Dr Fanny Leboulanger, French Doctor and Sassy Sex Coach, nice to meet you 😏 My mission? Helping people (like you ?) reignite theri alivness by stepping out of life auto-pilot, sexual boredom and self-hate. So that you can reclaim your own Lifegasm. Through 1:1 coaching and magic tools (food for thoughts, sexy education, reclaiming pleasure and inner healing), with a zero bullshit tolerance, we embark together on our journey towards your most Sexyfied Life.
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And if you want to discover other amazing shows from podcast friends, here is a selection of amazing podcasts & interviews :
- Badass Direct Sales Mastery with Jennier Bellinger
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- Peace of Me with Lexy Leigh
- The Little Blue Pill For Business with Michelle Nedelec
- The High Performance Interviews with Lucy Dutton
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Transcripts
Hello, my friends in LA come.
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Another love letter.
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No, you're not selfish.
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A few people in my life these
days, friends and coachees
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brought me an opportunity to
think about what being selfish is.
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So I did what I usually do, I had ideas.
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I started to write a script that
for some reason takes forever, so
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it might be two or three episodes.
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But I'm impatient and I
wanted to share some ideas.
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With you.
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So, no.
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You're not selfish.
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One thing to do something just
for yourself and for you to enjoy.
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Isn't selfish.
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It's believing you're worthy of
interest, worthy of time and energy.
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Saying no to something
that you don't want to do.
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Isn't selfish.
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It's self-respect.
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Allowing you to enjoy the
most of an experience.
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And absorb its juiciness and a lifeness
until the last drop isn't selfish.
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It's being smart.
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Because what would you enjoy
only half of something?
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Fanny solo: Wanting to speak up and
voice out dislikes and ask repeatedly
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and loudly for respect, isn't selfish.
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It's self-respect.
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This one is height.
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Receiving.
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Without having to give anything
back right away isn't selfish.
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It's letting people who
love you take care of you.
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And if some people give things
to you when they don't love you,
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that's their problem, not yours.
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You wanting to stop putting others
first all the time isn't selfish.
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That's called survival instinct.
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You having enough of giving your
time and energy to everybody
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all the time isn't selfish.
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It's called being smart because
you cannot pour from an empty cup.
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So you need to fill your cup.
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You enjoying the benefits of a
situation you have very little
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control over isn't selfish.
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It's called being smart.
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There are benefits.
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Why not take it?
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You wanting to exit a situation
maybe at work or something that
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sucks, even if people count on you or
people will suffer, is not selfish.
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It's called being smart, because why
would you do something that will hurt you.
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That's called self-preservation instinct.
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You're not responsible of how's society
is twisted and is putting us in this
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situation that somehow says this
self-preservation instinct is bad.
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That's sad.
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That sucks.
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But the best thing you can do is to
show the people around you that it's
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possible and that it should be the norm.
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And not wait until you get sick, break
your foot, have the car accident, have
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a loved one die to actually own that.
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You refusing to be put in the middle
of people who can't figure out their
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own relationship mess isn't selfish.
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It's called self preservation.
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Also it helps people evolve
and look at their own shit.
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So it's not selfish and
it's getting them a favor.
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A favor that may not be
comfortable, but it's a fever.
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You taking space to share
your emotions and stop sucking
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them all in isn't selfish.
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It creates opportunity for connections
and it can inspire others to stop sucking
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all of their emotions all in as well.
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Sometimes also it helps people become more
comfortable with other's emotions too.
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And we definitely need
more skillfulness in that.
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You wanting to experience
pleasure isn't selfish.
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It's your birthright.
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Do you remember orgasm Morgan?
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You having dreams and
desires, isn't selfish.
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It's honoring your life impulse.
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Remember desire is what creates
life, you know, sexual energy
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creating babies, et cetera.
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You stopping to pretend you're
okay when you're not is in selfish.
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It's stopping playing the
persona pretending game.
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You're doing everyone a favor by
showing you're a real human so that
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people can be human around you too.
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You allowing yourself to dream bigger,
even if you have a lot already.
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Isn't selfish.
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It's following expunsion impulses.
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You wouldn't ask a flower
not to bloom, would you?
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You keeping your answer of "no, I
am not doing that" when everybody
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wants you to change your mind because
X, Y, or Z reason isn't selfish.
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It is stopping putting
yourself last on the list.
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And that is very smart because if you put
yourself last on the list, guess what?
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Nobody will come and look at
the last part of your list.
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They already have a lot of shit
to deal with, with their own list.
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You wanting to feel more emotions
and step out of autopilot
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and numbness isn't selfish.
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It's reclaiming what should be the norm.
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Instead of these doom and
gloom ambiance around us.
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You wanting to spend money on yourself,
just for yourself and for you to enjoy
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whether it's a massage, a trip, coaching
or whatever you want isn't selfish.
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It's called expanding
your zone of tolerance.
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Because let's be honest, we need to expand
our zone of tolerance of good things too,
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And most of all, you allowing
yourself to shine isn't selfish.
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You accepting to shine isn't selfish.
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It's doing yourself a favor by
allowing your whole body, mind and
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spirit to function in a harmonious
way, instead of consuming your energy
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in maintaining tangled, societal
patterns, traumas, and mess around you.
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It's way easier to walk around with a pile
of bowls, fitting into each other instead
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of a pile of messy dishes of various
forms tangled with each other, isn't it.?
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Fanny solo: You wanting
a Lifegasm isn't selfish.
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You can have it.
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Just be aware of how Lifegasm also
includes facing your own shit, head first
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and not about being perfectly happy in
pure bliss and ecstasy 24 7, you're going
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to get disappointed if you want that.
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And also on a very basic level,
eating the last piece of chocolate if
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nobody wants chocolate, isn't selfish.
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Also, you can share chocolate, by the way.
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When did we decide self-respect,
self-preservation, basic needs honoring,
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and wanting aliveness is selfish?
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I'll say that again.
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When did we decide self-respect,
self-preservation, basic needs honoring,
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and wanting aliveness are selfish?
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It's time to change that.
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It's a flower selfish, if she blooms?
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Is she full of herself when
her colors shine bright?
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Is she harming anybody when she blooms?
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No.
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She's actually taking her part in
this particular garden symphony.
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Is a flower selfish when she
consumes oxygen, water and nutrients?
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After all she's consuming resources
other flowers could use, or animals.
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How dare she consume resources?
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But what happens to that
beautiful flower when she dies?
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She becomes compost Eden by warms
and she fertilizes the soil.
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So she has value too.
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If flowers could.
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not take what they need...
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What would happen if she did that?
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What would happen to that flower
who didn't honor her need or
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forbidding herself to bloom?
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What wouldx happen?
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She would be stunted, small, unhealthy.
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The garden will look like shit, but
also what would happen when she dies?
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She will bring, because she's so
small and stunned and unhealthy,
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less nutrients to the soil.
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With the societal conditioning, traumas,
patterns, aren't we all encouraged
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to take as little space as possible?
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Be quiet and be in service, but don't,
you dare take too much resources
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for yourself, put others firsts...
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What happens to a soil fertilized
by flower who didn't bloom?
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I'll let you think
about that for a second.
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And just in case that, well
then clear you are the flower.
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But Nope you don't need to be dead to
for generalized the world around you.
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When you allow yourself to receive,
to desire, to do what you want,
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to experience emotions, to say
"fuck that" when you've had enough.
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You show up differently in conversations.
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So you impact people differently.
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How would you feel in a
conversation where you have a
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great time with people you love?
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And another conversation with
people you really don't want to
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see but quote unquote "have to"..
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In which conversation will you be the
most present, the most available for
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listening, for giving amazing insights?
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So in honoring what you want,
spending this conversation with
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people you love, and quote on quote,
being selfish, even if you're not.
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You're doing others a favor to.
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You're A better person to
talk to in this conversation.
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Let's also acknowledge that
sometimes we have dinners, we don't
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want to attend and still have to.
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But we don't need to
go there all the time.
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By helping yourself,
you do others a favor.
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Period.
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And I know you are aware of which
types of situation this applies to.
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Respecting yourself.
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Isn't being an asshole, but
I'm sure you know that already.
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So, no.
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You're not selfish if you want the basic
self-respect, self-preservation, basic
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needs honoring, feeling of aliveness,
pleasure you are worthy of deserving,
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just because you are you as a human.
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With a fucking crown on your head,
lit because you're royalty by nature.
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No, you're not selfish.
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If you enjoyed this love letter, feel
free to read or listen to the others.
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The links are in the show notes.
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I can't wait to hear.
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What do you think about it?
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Thank you so much for sharing
your time and energy with me.
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And I'll see you.
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Next time.
