The real reason you're overcommitting—and how to stop.

If your calendar’s full but your body feels like screaming, this episode is for you.

This is a powerful reminder: saying yes when you mean no isn’t kindness—it’s self-abandonment. You’ll hear why so many women in midlife feel exhausted before they even show up, how your Human Design can guide clearer decisions, and how to reclaim your energy with one strong, unapologetic no.

Book a free Intro Coaching Call: ericavoell.com/booking

Welcome to Unfolding season two.

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I wanna start this season

with something tender...

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and a little spicy!

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Calendars.

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And I know you're thinking

how can calendars be spicy?

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So hear me out.

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It is that time of year again.

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School planners.

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Sports schedules.

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Group texts.

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Your calendar is filling out fast,

and if we're honest, part of you

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might want to run the other way.

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Have you ever looked at your calendar

and felt this pit in your stomach?

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Not 'cause you're overbooked, but

because you've said yes to things

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that you actually don't want to do?

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I have totally been there and I used

to say yes and then spend days trying

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to figure out how to get out of it.

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Sadly, praying for a rainy day

or a snow day or some other

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reason I couldn't be there.

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I didn't wanna be sick, but honestly.

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I did end up sick often.

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So let's talk about how powerful

it can feel to say no before your

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body has to scream it to you.

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Hi, I'm Erica.

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I am a Decision Mentor and Inner

Trust Guide, and I work with women

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in midlife to trust their gut,

understand their unique strengths, and

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stop saying yes to what drains them.

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I use human design coaching and reiki

and we clear the noise so that their no

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feels powerful and their yes feels true.

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So I'm back from a summer break.

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It was a crazy summer.

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I was learning how to be a full-time

coach while also having my 11-year-old

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home from March of the much of the time.

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And it was, it was interesting,

we'll just put it that way.

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But balancing this new thing with all

the things that I wanted to do, like

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going to the pool multiple times a week.

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Did they meet my expectations?

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Did I meet the expectations

I met for myself?

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No, but that's another

story for another episode.

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And now we're back in school and

between softball, girl scouts and

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school events, there are a lot

of dates filling our calendar.

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And you don't have to be a

parent to feel this though.

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Like people are coming back, they're

settling into their routines, they're

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coming back from summer travel, and your

calendar's probably filling up too, and

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your nervous system might be tightening.

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Just looking at it.

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So let's talk about what it really

means to say no and how your body

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might be already doing it for you

before your mind is even involved.

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Saying yes, when you

mean no is not kindness.

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It's really nervous system

sabotage and self abandonment

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does not make you generous.

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It really builds resentment.

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Confidence isn't about doing more,

it's about doing what's actually

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right for you and the most powerful

move you can make this fall.

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The strong clean, this guilt-free.

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"No."

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Kids are heading back to

school this time of year.

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The emails are flying, the

invites are rolling in, and

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the group texts are exploding.

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There's this collective pressure

to get organized, to be productive,

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to get your calendar locked in.

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And I get it.

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I love a good plan, but honestly,

it's really, really exhausting.

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And if you're like many women I work with,

this time of year does not feel fresh.

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It doesn't feel good.

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It feels heavy.

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It feels like too much, and

not because you're lazy and not

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because you're disorganized, though

sometimes it may feel that way.

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And think about it.

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When someone asks you to commit

to something, to join a group, to

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volunteer for a thing and to come to

an event, and your first thought is

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probably not, "how do I make it work?"

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Instead, it's "how do I get outta this?"

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Because your body is whispering

, "please don't do this again."

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And let's be honest, how many times have

you secretly celebrated getting sick?

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Because it meant that you could cancel

those plans that you did not want to do.

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It felt like this divine out,

and maybe it was just your

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energy waving this white flag.

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That that wasn't fate.

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That was your body saying what your mouth

would not what your mind would, not what

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your mind was trying to talk you into.

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That yes was never really true and

we don't talk about this mental

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spiral that we tend to get into.

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We tend to think, what excuse can I use?

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How can I cancel without seeming flaky?

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Will they be mad?

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Will they be disappointed?

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Will I regret going?

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I know you've been in that spiral.

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We don't talk about it enough about that

quiet dread that follows that false Yes.

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That, yes, that comes out of pressure.

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That yes, that comes out of obligation

because it's what you think you should do.

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And resentment, layered with guilt.

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It's really exhausting,

and I'm here to tell you.

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By thinking this and by getting

into this spiral, you're not flaky

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and you're not being dramatic.

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You're just really ready

to stop abandoning yourself

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and to stop that spiral.

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And we, when we look at this

from a human design perspective,

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a couple of things come up.

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If you have an emotional authority, that

means you need to sleep on your decisions.

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You're not meant for that instant yes.

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"Let me get back to you" is not rude.

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It's actually incredibly respectful

for your nervous system and honestly,

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it's respectful to the person

who's asking for your time too.

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You might feel this like slow building

wave, this starting of discomfort and this

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crashing into resentment because maybe

you said yes to as a school fundraiser

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and your chest immediately tightened and

you thought, oh, I don't wanna do this.

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That was your wave saying

we are not a yes this time.

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If you have this sacral authority

or what I call trust your gut, this

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means you're either a manifesting

generator or a generator.

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You probably have felt that pit

in your stomach when you say

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yes, but really you meant no.

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Your body is giving you that answer.

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That's wisdom.

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And now the work is to

really learn to trust it.

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And if you have an undefined ego center.

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That's the little off kilter

triangle in the middle of your

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chart, and that shows up white.

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You might say yes from a need to

prove and that proving that you

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feel like you're reliable, you're

proving that you're valuable,

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you're proving that you're liked.

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But what I want you to ask

yourself is, what if I didn't

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have to prove anything to belong?

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And also, if you have a splenic authority.

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It's usually this flicker, this

like hint that this isn't for me.

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And then your mind gets involved and it

jumps in and it tries to override it and

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it tries to give you a reason and tell you

all these things why you're wrong, when

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really your body is telling you everything

you need to know 'cause you really want

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to cancel, but you needed a reason.

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And because your body is giving you

that sensation, you're not trusting it.

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And no matter what your design

is, your authority is speaking.

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The work is you learning how to hear

it and to trust your body, and because

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your body will get really, really loud,

it will make you sick, it will take

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you down, and if you trust it before

your body has to get involved, then

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you've calmed that nervous system.

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And for so long I equated this.

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Yes, with kindness and reliability

and a no, with like being

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selfish and being difficult.

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There was a time in my life when I'd

always say yes almost automatically

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without even thinking it through.

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I thought.

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Well, that's what I should do.

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I should be the good mom.

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I should be the good partner, the

good friend, the good coworker.

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That's what they do.

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That's what makes people like you.

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And then I would find myself resentful of

the meeting that I had agreed to attend

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or the thing that I had committed to.

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And over time, I started to

notice a pattern that the

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yeses didn't always feel right.

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And they ended up costing me.

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They can cost me my energy.

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They cost me my time, and

they cost me my peace.

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Almost instantly after I hung

up or hit send, I would feel it.

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I'm a generator with an emotional

authority, so I get this instant

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hit and I need to sleep on my big

decisions, but I would feel this dread

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in my chest that instant regret that

like, oh crap, can I get out of this?

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Why did I say yes?

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And then I would immediately go into

this strategizing like, how can I cancel?

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How can I not sound flaky?

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Or indecisive?

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Maybe I can tell them I

forgot, or maybe I'll be sick.

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Or maybe it'll rain that day

and we won't have to be outside.

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And when I got sick, honestly,

there was this sense of relief.

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And I would think like maybe I wasn't

supposed to go anyway, and this was

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the universe's way of telling me that

I wasn't supposed to go, I got sick.

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When really, if I had said no in the first

place, I wouldn't have to worry about it.

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I wasn't this yes girl all the time.

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Those times that I did say no.

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I felt so strong.

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Like I had bent steel with my bare hands.

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I was a no.

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But they would also be that

part of me that was like, but

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what if they don't like me?

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What if they don't ask me next time?

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Because I said No.

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What if I missed out on something?

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But here's what I have learned.

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I didn't need to get

sick to listen to myself.

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I didn't need a stomach bug

or a sore throat to say no.

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When I started to trust those signals

in my body, that made such a difference.

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And I did get invited to things.

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I did get asked for things.

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That no one time was not a big deal.

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And now if I feel that sense

of dread or that sick feeling

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instantly, I know it's a no.

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'cause the more I've leaned into

noticing it, the more clearly and

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the more quickly it actually speaks.

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It's made me realize when I wait

until I'm sick or overwhelmed to say

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no, then I've really ignored myself.

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I've ignored my body for too long, and

I think about all the times I could have

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saved myself so much stress by actually

saying, simply, "can I get back to you?"

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Before I even committed?

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Or being by being strong in the

first place and listening to what

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my body was already telling me.

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Like my mind was always

like, you should say yes.

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My body was like, no,

I don't wanna do this.

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Why are we saying yes?

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I love the fact that now I don't

have an inner conflict happening.

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And for you this fall, I want

your calendar to reflect you.

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I want a calendar that like

actually lights you up when you

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look at it and you have these.

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Yes, I really wanna do that.

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I'm really excited about it.

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So then you have fewer

heavy, yeah, I'll do it.

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And I want you to say, let me check

our calendar and get back to you,

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because then that gives you the

space to feel into your body and

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what's really, really right for you.

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And you know, you might say no to

things that it'll come up and you'll

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be like, oh, I wish I'd gone, but

two weeks later, do you really care?

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Because the more nos that feel like

self-respect and not rebellion, because

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they will feel so good, not because you're

getting "good at making boundaries,"

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but because you're finally listening

to your body because you're finally

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living in alignment with your energy.

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So I invite you to try this.

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The next time you get a request or an

invite, I want you to ask yourself, "would

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I get relieved if this got canceled?"

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If the answer is yes, that's your answer.

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Your answer is no, that

you don't want to do this.

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Like if you would be so relieved

and feel so good that the event got

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canceled, then you need to say no

in the first place instead of saying

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yes because you feel obligated.

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So I want you to reflect where are you

still saying yes, when you really mean no?

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And what are you afraid of will

happen if you actually say no

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clearly and kindly if this hits home?

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I'm so glad.

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That means you are ready.

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You're ready to stop performing.

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You're ready to start trusting those nos.

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And if you wanna practice this kind of

trust with real support, I want to invite

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you into a free coaching call with me.

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To learn how to say these nos

really confidently and really

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like, oh yes, I said no.

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Or even I said no.

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Because that's what feels right for you

and that's really nervous system repair.

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And it's not through breath work though.

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I love that too.

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This is like honoring your

decision- making process that honors

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your design because your trust

isn't something you can force.

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It's something that you have

to practice over and over.

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And it really starts with that first.

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No.

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So let's start there.

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Like start with this strong

no, the kind that like.

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Makes room for so many more yeses.

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I was talking to a client today and I

was like, when you clean out your closet,

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think about how much space you have.

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And that space allows more things

and more opportunities to come in.

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So we want to learn how to create

that space by saying a strong no.

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A confident, no a no.

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That feels so right for us.

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Thank you for joining me.

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I'll see you next time.

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Have a good one.