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Ep 125: Overwhelm 2 - In or Out?
Episode 12512th September 2022 • Lets Be Honest Before We Start Pretending • Kelly Mobeck
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Do you sometimes feel so overwhelmed that you can’t get out from under it?  I’ve been there too and it doesn’t feel great.  Today let’s explore internal and external overwhelm so that you can identify what happens for you?  Don’t worry I won’t leave you hanging, there are some tips and tricks on today’s episode too.  Moving right along...

Here are the highlights:

(01:43) Internal vs external overwhelm

(05:48) What are your priorities?

(08:11) FOMO

(13:30) Nobody cares about a missing comma

(20:03) Distractions can trigger overwhelm

(23:52) I have a challenge for you

(29:03) Here’s a couple of things you might experience

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Transcripts

Hey everyone. I'm Kelly Mok, a coach, and a leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your gifts. You're unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders don't wait.

They create, I know firsthand that life is gonna throw us curve. That we're gonna doubt our greatness, our ideas, and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe in yourself beyond reason, and I get to be a coach and a champion for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and most important in action toward your unique impact in this world.

So let's jump in. Hey there everyone. Welcome to let's be honest. Before we start pretending this is coach Kelly. This is episode 1 25. Welcome. Welcome. We are continuing our series on overwhelm. Except that we're not gonna just talk about overwhelm, like at nauseam, we're going to actually have some tips and tricks and strategies and things all along the way.

So last week we talked about what overwhelm is. How it feels. I shared some personal stories that generate some overwhelm for me. And, oh my goodness. Since then, like, I feel like there's already been so many other stories I can share. Holy moly. Right. And this week we're gonna talk about the two places that overwhelm comes from, and you might be saying, what two places.

Two places only two places. Have you seen my life? And I'm gonna say yes, two places so that we can break it down and, uh, help you with some resources. How about that? And then next week we are going to dive into many more ways to prevent overwhelm, which we'll have a lot to do with how we're managing our.

With time, this is gonna be super juicy. I'm excited for it. And then finally, we're gonna wrap up on how our energy and what we focus on really plays into overwhelm and, and have some practices every every week. We're gonna have some practices so that you can take things from theory and move it to practical application.

Hi, that's what we're here for. Yes, absolutely. Okay. So today I wanted to talk about the two areas. What, where overwhelmed comes from, and I may have spoiled it last week. On last week episode. I don't remember in this moment, but the two places that it comes from is either internal or external, internal. Or external.

So meaning internal inside, inside of me, inside of you, things that are happening inside external things that are happening outside of us, they could be circumstances, people, commitments, things like that. So we're gonna dive into that. So first let's take a look at internal internal, some of the things and these, I mean, we could speak about this for hours and hours and hours and hours.

We really could, but I'm not gonna do that because your time is valuable. Right. And I want you to really be able to wrap your brain around this. So some things that create overwhelm internally can be things. Decision fatigue, meaning it could be taking too long to make decisions, or maybe you have too many decisions that you've gotta make.

So you've got a lot of pile on. Okay. This one is really fascinating, really fascinating. And making decisions is something that we can tend to make hard. Some people make decisions. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, super easily. And some people don't. But even those that it's really easy. If there's like a pile on of decisions that you've gotta be making that can create overwhelm, which can create stress and exhaustion and burnout and all the things okay.

Or taking too long to make a decision. What happens when you make a decision? Is you automatically. Decide. And literally in that moment of decision, you've created a completion which releases energy and creates space space in your brain space, in your body. You're like exhaling. Okay. Decision making is so important as leaders make decisions, make 'em quick.

And change them slowly. Okay. Make 'em quick and change them slowly. Now I'm not just saying, make decisions on the fly, make them absolutely with clear purpose and outcome to them. Okay. Be thoughtful about it, but make the decision. We can spend so much time ruminating and overthinking things. And what, you know, you've heard me say this many, many times, this is another thing that will absolutely create overwhelm is uncertainty.

And when we don't make a decision, we are automatically generating uncertainty and our brain doesn't love that. So it's just gonna keep creating more overwhelmed for you. Okay. So get in the habit of making decisions quickly and changing them slowly. Okay. Making decisions quickly and changing them slowly.

And if you are someone that has a lot of decisions to. Where can you get some help with that? What are some of your resources? Where can you prioritize the decisions and maybe put some decisions over to the side? Maybe not right now. Okay. Sometimes we make up that there's like a, all these, the, the everything's really important.

And there's certain seasons in our life, certain times where we're gonna be popping decisions out left and right left. And right. That may not be as taxing on our brain or sometimes super taxing on our brain. And one of the things that I like to say is what's your priority? What are your priorities and the decisions that you've gotta make.

How do they align with your priorities? And are they, is everything a priority? Probably not. Okay. For my people out there that have ideas, like a ton of 'em you guys are the idea, generators, the visionaries just cranking 'em out left, and right. That alone can start to trigger that decision fatigue. Right.

Because now I've got all these ideas ruminating out there. Boo, boo, boo. What do I do? Here's what you do. Go put 'em in a. Get a notebook, call it my idea notebook and put those ideas there so that they are safe and that you can make decisions on them when it's time. Okay. You can have it all. You just can't have it.

All right now. That is a true story. You can have it all. You just can't have it all right now. Okay. That right there. So thinking about that decision fatigue, am I taking too long to make decisions? Am I like, is it like, oh, am I gathering like as many opinions as I can from everybody that maybe the decision has nothing to do with, and it's starting to confuse me and overwhelm.

Do I have too many decisions that I've gotta make right now and I'm not prioritizing and I'm not creating some boundaries around that or perhaps not asking for help. Okay. So that's one. So check in, check in with that. What are the decisions that I've gotta make right now? Are they in alignment with the priorities that I'm saying are important right now?

Okay, so that's one, another one.

It's FOMO. Now, I believe I did an episode on Jomo, which is the joy of missing out, right? The joy of missing out. It's such a great one. I'll link it to the, um, show notes. So you can go back and take a, take a listen to it, but the fear of missing out. Oh my gosh. And what happens when we have the fear of missing out?

Well, guess what we commit. To way too much. We overcommit. And often we commit to things that we haven't really stopped and looked again, is what I'm committing to in alignment with what my priorities are. What I say is important in my life personally, professionally you name it. Okay. Or am I making that decision?

Because I don't wanna miss out on something. Like there might be something better over there. What if I miss out? Oh my gosh. What if you miss out okay. And then what happens when we are over committed or we've committed to so many things, and now we've gotta do more things. All of a sudden, if you're starting to feel that like pile on that you've created yourself.

Again, this is internal. It's easy to say. I'm committed to all these things and that's external. Yes. However, the fear of missing out is internal. It's your own thing. It's some beliefs and some rules and things like that. You gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. Okay. It's really true. So FOMO internal, am I afraid I'm gonna miss out on.

Mm. Mm I'm gonna tell you, Jomo is where it's at the joy of missing out the joy of missing out, because what that means is that you're really not missing out on the things that are important to you. Your priorities. Okay. Just gotta get really solid with them, really solid with them. Okay. Here's another internal example.

Procrastination, procrastination. I don't want to, I don't feel like it. I don't know how this is way outside my comfort zone. I, this is a task that is just not really, that fun feels really mundane. What if I make a mistake? What if I don't get it right? Like those are all the limiting things that start coming in.

When we are in this procrastination spin, as I call it, you've heard me say this before. For all of my perfectionists out there, procrastination is just a, you know, it's, it's perfectionism is , it's like a sexier way to say procrastinate. Okay. Because again, we will spend so much time. Really working to get it just right.

Just right. I think there are some times where, you know, one of my dearest friends and fellow potty pot potty, that didn't sound correct. Podcasting buddy. Hello, Paige. Killian has the most amazing podcast on organization. Um, the mom's organization, motivation podcast, and she's also written this fantastic book.

I got your girlfriend. I got your girlfriend. She has a YouTube channel. So. So many resources, go check her out. I'm gonna link her in, in the show notes here too. And we giggle, we giggle so much about perfection because she is a master at organizing and. And can make things really appear perfect. Right.

Appear. Perfect. And so I'm not talking about that. We giggle cuz we're both recovering perfectionist we look constantly working on it. Um, but you know, sometimes you're gonna have those beautiful spaces and there's people that are so talented, like Paige that can really help you organize your life, where it feels really.

Sort of perfect. Okay. Sort of perfect. All right. Now you guys have heard me say this time and time again, there is no such thing as perfection, right there. Really, really isn't in the way of being human in being human. There are things that are perfect. Perfect. Cup of coffee had one of those this morning.

I'm not gonna lie in the business of being human though. We are not perfect. We're just not. And so sometimes we, when we're aiming for that perfection in something, we sometimes will make even more mistakes. We will think about it again too long. We will procrastinate because what if we don't get it just right.

Procrastination is decision making. Enemy. Okay. Enemy. We will not make decisions because we are procrastinating on making the decision. Okay. So they go hand in hand. These are some of those internal things, things that are happening internally. You've heard me speak to that are really tapping into our self-limiting beliefs, the ways in which we argue for our limitations, the rules that we make.

Wanting to just get it right. Afraid we're gonna miss out. This is internally what's going on. Okay. This is internally. What is going on and is, is creating overwhelmed. So if you think about it, think about it. You begin to think about those times where oh wow. Holy cow. That's right. I see where maybe I was really going for something to be just so perfect.

And it really didn't need to be perfect. Like what happened if I forgot a comma? What happened if I had too many commas, right. Probably nothing, honestly, except for someone who's really great at grandma grammar saw it. Okay. That's it. It's not it that's it. It's not that painful. Okay. So those think about those times where I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you this too.

I am really working so hard on getting ahead of the game in content creation, because I have a podcast that's content creation. I have the lifter program. There are many trainings and mindset Mondays and all sorts of goodness in that program. Content creation, customized leadership trainings that I run, content creation, lots and lots and lots and lots of content re content creation.

And you might all remember that I've told you I'm not a writer. I'm a talker. Well, guess what? When you are creating content, There's some writing , there's some writing and gotta have some space to be able to create space, to be able to get those ideas, get that knowledge out, get it out in a way that is gonna support the people that I'm supporting the podcast clients.

You get the picture. Okay. Now, one of the things, one of the challenges that I have right now is really working on batching, particularly this podcast batching, because when I do, I grab so much more time in my month. Okay. When I know exactly here's the theme, here's what we're gonna cover. I have a little system that I use so that we can take it from theory to practice and hit record and go hit record and go.

So I'm getting pretty good at it. Now I'm getting pretty good at it now, but I will tell you, like I was the, like once a week, once a week, I gotta do a podcast episode once a week. And it would create so much overwhelm inside of me because I was like, I'm so up against it. I got all these things, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Now what I've done given. Given that content creation is actually a priority of mine, cuz it's supporting my clients. It's supporting you all out there. Listening in podcast land, it's supporting the impact that I wanna make in the world. Guess what? There is no reason to have that internal overwhelm going on.

So what do you do? You create a content creation day. Hello. And then you get to the business of batching. It. Batching it. Now I'm gonna talk about a practice in a little bit, and I'll loop back to this, this to help illuminate that. But I wanted to drop that in. So let's move on and talk about some overwhelm that comes externally.

Okay. So what do I mean by that? Externally are things that are happening outside of us internally inside, externally outside. So what are some of those things? The news, social media. You heard me say it before overcom committing, and then you've made agreements. You've made promises. You said you were gonna jump in and join the party and you were gonna contribute.

And so then all of a sudden, when people are calling on like, Hey, did you do the fundraising going, Hey, and you start to feel. Overwhelmed because it's coming at you from all angles and you also have your own life, things like that. Okay. So it could come from your boss, your team, your employees, colleagues, peers.

Anything outside circumstances, circumstances, and cer we, we all have circumstances going on all the time. I was sharing last week. Some things that are, you know, creating some overwhelm in my life. And part of that is external. And part of that's. Internal. Okay. Part of it's external part of it's internal.

Certainly there's a circumstance. It was talking about my dogs, but I'm not gonna repeat the story. Go back and listen to last week. If you didn't and you'll hear it. Okay. We were talking about overwhelm is a choice and it is a series of choices that we make. Okay. Just as a reminder and it is super true.

So we, you know, I think about it. Oh my gosh. When I have, how about when you mix the two, you've got some internal overwhelm and then you're utilizing some external overwhelm and you're piling them together. For instance, let's just say I have some content. Right. I have some content creation and I wanna do some research on it.

I love to, I love to do research. I love to read and learn new things and get inspired and empowered and all of that. Okay. Okay. Well, we could go down a rabbit hole of research and then the next thing, you know, suddenly we've landed in social media land. I don't even know how click to link bam. There we are now.

I'm past the research on the topic that I want. And I'm sucked into the land of social media. Does that ever happen to anyone or you're procrastinating and you're like, I am certainly certain, there is something on social media I need to address or read or see. And the next thing, you know, 45 minutes an hour has gone by.

Mm mm. Okay. Okay. Now I'm not saying that, you know, I'm not saying social media is like, don't use it. I think social media is a, an amazing way to stay connected. It's do I have some boundaries around it? For sure. So one of the things that like in this example is if you've gotta research something, what's what put a time limit on it, put a time limit on it.

So it's not all of a sudden. You wanted to research for say 30 minutes and you're three hours down the road and you have gone way past the time you allotted for that actual particular project or content or whatever it is you're working on. Okay. So having some boundaries, having some boundaries around it, closing out.

Any social media tabs, any notifications, anything that's gonna take you out or distract you? Distractions high external absolutely can contribute to you being overwhelmed because you're choosing to engage with it. That's what I wanna say right there, choosing to engage with it. Okay. So just tuning out that the news, I don't watch much news.

I really, really don't. It's funny. My husband loves the news and I don't, I don't love it. I find myself getting anxious. He doesn't, now he doesn't watch a ton of news either. He gets the information and he goes, so he is not, you know, just sitting there for hours and hours watching it. I just it's for me, it, it can create some anxiety and there's so many different ways to get the news, but oftentimes depending on what you're watching, I like, I like, I like the local news, honestly.

I really like the lo I love our local news. Shout out channel five in Los Angeles. I really, really love the local news because I, I, they really keep it simple, really, really do. So we get the information and it's not pumping in a bunch. Fear and all sorts of stuff. It's just, it's just not so sometimes watching the news or reading the news or listening to the news can create overwhelm and anxiousness and things like that.

I think during the pandemic is a really great example and it wasn't just the pandemic. There are a lot of. Beyond the pandemic that are going on in the world in your perspective country, in the world. And wow, it's, I'm not saying not to be aware because there's things that you want to contribute to and things like that.

It's how much are you consuming it versus contributing. Okay. That's I think the distinction, is it an over consumption of it or am I getting the information I need so I can contribute and take action and make a. Those are some distinctions right there. Okay. So the other thing that I think is really interesting too, is if you think of yourself as your computer and you know, when your computer has way too many tabs, open way too many tabs open, and the fan is running like crazy and all of a sudden you get the little Spinney wheels.

Some of, some of em are blue, some of 'em are rainbowy. I don't know. There's a lot of different Spinney wheels. That's like overwhelmed. Your computer is overwhelmed. It's overloaded, which is overwhelmed and it's, it's overwhelmed. And what happens to it? What happens to it? Sometimes it'll just shut down, just like we do as human beings.

We can just shut down when overwhelm just becomes too much. We shut down. Sometimes it'll just fries, the system, right? Fries, the system. And it's no longer working. Well, that could be breakdown and exhaustion exhaustion, which leads to breakdown. Let me say it in that order, that could be exhaustion. That leads to burnout, not breakdown, burnout.

Okay. Exhaustion leads to burnout. See how the cycle happens. See how it can happen. Can either shut down, shut down. Game over for right now, or, you know, we fry the system and we are completely exhausted and burn out. So we really wanna make sure that we are managing our levels of overwhelm. And that is why you hear me say overwhelm is a choice.

We don't have to choose it again. I'm gonna say this again. We do not wake up in the morning and say, I'd like a big helping of overwhelm. Please make it extra crispy. I'd like, it really fried up. We don't, we don't do that. It's the series of choices that we're making, or maybe some of the, some choices we're not making.

Right? Like maybe we're not setting priorities. We're not setting boundaries. We're not asking for help some of those things. Okay. So what I thought would be. is to do a little experiment, take on a little challenge this week and notice what for you are some of your internal it, some things internally that create overwhelm for you.

What are some of the things for you write 'em down. Also some of the things externally that create overwhelm for. Okay. It's gonna be unique to everyone. Some of the things will have, you know, some similarities, but we have some unique things, write those down. Okay. And one of the things that we wanna practice and I would say practice it for a good start with 30 days.

Okay. Move on into 60 days. Move on into 90 days. Go on for the 120 days. Make it a year. Okay. But start with 30, let's start with 30 and practice something. Here's the thing. We all have things that we're up to priorities in our life and goals that we wanna achieve. We all have responsibility. We all have responsibilities in our life.

So I'm about to tell you to focus in on one goal, pick one goal, one goal that you have and go all in on it. And that's not to say that you're dropping all the responsibilities that you have in your life. It's that we don't give ourselves permission to take on one goal and go in a hundred. We wanna say I'm gonna have 50 goals.

okay. It's why those new year's resolutions drive me nuts. Okay. But what's that one? Thing. What's the one thing that I wanna go in while I'm holding the responsibilities that I have and my obligations that I have, the things I'm accountable for. You're not dropping those, but picking one. And what if you went ahead instead?

I'm gonna really master this or I'm gonna achieve this, or I'm gonna complete this. So remember when I was talking about batching podcasts, okay. Listen, in my business, I have a bajillion ideas and a bajillion different goals that I'd like to get done. And thankfully, I have a core of, you know, a core group of peers and colleagues that help me.

Keep it real, keep it real because I could have a bajillion things that I'm going for at once versus what's the very, most important thing. The very next thing in my business that I wanna really dive into and go all in on that. And what would get created there? It's brilliant. I'm just saying it's brilliant.

Okay. So pick one thing. Go all in. So I'm giving you the example when I was talking about batching the podcast. Okay. Batching the podcast. Now we are in August and I want you to, I'm recording this in August, by the way. Hey, it's August and you're listening to it in September. What, what guess what? Also August was already done and it just, I'm pretty stoked about this.

It hasn't always been that way. I'm practicing. I have a goal to get. Not one month ahead. Not two months ahead, but three months ahead in my batching. Okay. I'm also bringing guests in things like that. So we've got bringing guests back, you guys. So, so there's a lot that goes into it. Now, can you imagine if I, you know, I, if I trying to take that all on, like right away, right out of the gate, no, the end goal is to be, you know, A a quarter ahead.

If you think about it three months ahead, a quarter ahead. And so what I'm doing right now is on those content creation days. I am, and there's a lot of things that can draw my attention. Okay. But setting aside a set amount of time when I know it's a great time to batch. And, you know, it started out with, okay, look, oh, I did two episodes today.

Oh, wait. I did four episodes today. You guys, I am gonna hit having two months done this month. That's crazy making to me that is crazy making to me and I'm here for it. And by the end of the year, my goal is to. Be it that like three months ahead, it, it it's gonna be a game changer. Okay. But if I am attempting to do that with all the things that I wanna batch, right.

Whether it's in my lift, her program training, things like that. And I'm like attempting. To batch it that way with everything. Oh, it's gonna be challenging. So I picked one, what's one thing I wanna master batching so that I maximize my time and my efficiency. And so I chose the podcast. Okay. That's an example, one thing.

And I am in that, what I would call I'm I'm past the 30 day I'm in that 60 to 90, you know, continuing to practice schedule. And all of the things. Okay. So here's a couple things that you might experience. And so be patient with yourself, have some grace with yourself. You might experience some boredom. I don't love that word.

Boredom or bored. I really don't get bored, but sometimes. Distracted for sure. For sure. I can get distracted. I could be like, oh, squirrel there. That's who I am like distracted, but you might, you might experience like some boredom because you're doing the same. You're working on the same thing. Right.

You're working on the same thing. So, ah, I might feel a little boring push through the boredom, push through the boredom, reframe that for yourself. I'm not bored. I'm accomplishing, reframe it for yourself. Okay. You might feel restless. That's me. That's the one that gets me. I feel a little restless, you know, sometimes the shoulds come in.

I'm pretty certain I should be doing something else. Okay. Don't shut on yourself. It's not pretty. And push through the restlessness. I'm not restless. I am achieving. Okay. I'm not restless. I'm. Reframe it for yourself. The other one, this one's a, this one's an interesting one being in a hurry to achieve.

And. Get it done. Get it done. That can also, you can start to experience that because when you're working on the one thing and you don't feel like you're achieving it fast enough, it can be really easy to pivot over somewhere else and, you know, clean a toilet bowl because you've accomplished something okay.

Empty to dishwasher because you've accomplished something. All right. Stick with it, stick with it. And you gotta ask yourself, am I willing to stop the cycle? Overwhelm by really practicing one practice called focus on one thing at a time, one thing at a time. Cuz if you remember, if you remember the computer that we just talked about and you got a bajillion tabs open.

That computer is like a mirror for you. Right? So if you're one of those that I've got 55,000 tabs open, you might flip it around and go, Hmm. Is that how I'm running my day? Is that how I'm running my day? And let me close some things down and create some completions. Okay. So that I'm not having overwhelmed.

And, and, and when you remove those distractions, when you close the tabs, how much more time can you grab and remove. Overwhelm. Right. So that's gonna be the practice and challenge yourself, not just to do it for the week. Like this is gonna be ongoing, ongoing. What's the one thing that's gonna move you forward that you gotta practice and focus in.

And here's the good news. Once it's complete sweet. Pick another one. Okay. That's how that rolls. All right. I wanna hear how you all are doing with this or any thoughts that you have. So you remember the curiosity link that you can click on my website. There's always a link in the show. Show descriptions, show notes, so you can click on it and tell me what's happening with you.

Tell me what you're tell me what you're learning. Tell me what's happening. Tell me if you're challenged. Ask me any questions I'd love to hear from you because remember. We have a choice to lead our life or follow our circumstances. And it is always about knowing our passions, our purpose, our values, our priorities, and removing the choice to overwhelm or be overwhelmed.

Okay. It truly is so that we can create an impact in your, in our life and the lives of others. And who emerges from that? Well they're leaders taking the lead in their lives and they're authentic. They're vulnerable. They're courageous. They're really owning. What's true for them and making shifts and practicing one thing at a time to make those significant changes in their life.

It is not always gonna look the way we think it's supposed to show. We get to trust that more will be revealed as we move forward. So. Take some pauses, take some breaks. Let go of worry. Let go of doubt and live fully the best version of. Thank you so much for listening today. I trust there was great value for you and we are gonna slay overwhelm.

We're gonna slay that and, and take a look, take a look at where does it come for you internally or externally, and then take on the challenge. See what changes for you. Be willing to practice something new. All right, you guys have a great week ahead. I will talk with you next week and we are gonna talk about how.

Oh, how we can prevent it. That's what we're talking about next week. I am here for that. Okay. Have a great weekend. Remember if it's not shaping up the way you want it. Take the lead and create a fantastic one. I'll talk with you soon. Take care. Thanks for listening to another episode of let's be honest before we start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in your life.

Head over to Kelly J mok.com and connect with me on Instagram at coach Kelly Mok. If this episode was helpful for you, please feel free to share it with. Rate and review it on iTunes. That's apple podcasts now. And at any time, feel free to connect with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're working on.

I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening and here's to you taking the lead in your life.

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