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It’s not about "what" you do
Episode 618th March 2025 • Remember Why You Are Here • Asia Suler
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The way we move through this world is

important. That who we are is important,

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that it's so much less about what we do,

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and so much more about acknowledging

that who we already are is the medicine

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that we need for this world.

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Hello and welcome back to Remember

Why You Are Here-a podcast for

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seekers and sensitives where

you can relax, receive,

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reconnect to yourself and remember

the most important thing of all:

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why you're here. I'm Asia

Suler, teacher, author,

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earth intuitive, and

in this episode today,

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we're going to talk about something that's

been really helpful for me for a long

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time, but especially recently.

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It's something I've been

reminding myself of a lot,

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and that's this concept

that it's not what you do,

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but how you do it.

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And I find that this concept

is important for everybody,

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but is especially super

important for other

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empaths and sensitives. Before

we really launch in though,

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I just want to take a moment and say

thank you to everyone who has left a

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rating or review for this podcast so far.

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I cannot express what it has meant to me.

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It has literally felt like y'all have

sprinkled Remember-Why-You-Are-Here fairy

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dust over my life, to help

me remember why I'm here.

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So thank you, thank you so much for that.

And there's so many amazing reviews,

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but I just wanted to read this one

excerpt of one that I read today that just

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made my day: Okay, this is from Valerie,

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and here's what she said "I'm absolutely

delighted by this new offering of hope

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and compassion and clarity during a time

that can feel anything but hopeful or

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clear.

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It'll be the first thing I listen to

each week and after only three episodes,

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it already feels like a pivotal part of

my personal journey, a handhold of joy,

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a roadmap back to myself.

Valerie, thank you.

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Thank you for that reminder of why I'm

here and thank you to everybody so far

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who has left a rating or review.

Just such a gift, such a gift.

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Okay, so let's get into

this episode together.

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So this concept of remembering that

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how you do something is so

much more important than what

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you are doing,

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is something that has been so

helpful for me throughout my life,

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and I think it's something

we all-particularly,

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right now-really need this reminder of.

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Especially when it feels

like there's so many inputs,

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so many cries for our attention,

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so many things that seem so

critical that we be doing,

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and yet there's way too many of them.

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There's no way we're going to

get to do all those things,

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and yet they all seem

so critically important.

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And in this time where it

can just feel like we're

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surrounded by "too muchness," just this

too muchness of all the things that

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we're supposed to be doing,

it's such a rewrite and reframe

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and resurrection to remember

that the most important thing is

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not what you, do but how you do it.

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And a reminder of this really came in

strongly for me when I was listening to

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another podcast called "Tell Me About

Your Pain," by Alan Gordon and Alan

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Ziv in collaboration with Curable.

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The podcast is about chronic pain.

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Chronic pain has been a really

big part of my life's journey.

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And in the podcast, which

was a limited edition series,

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they're guiding people through

exercises and reframes that are really

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helpful for releasing chronic pain.

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And this was one of the

things that they highlighted,

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especially for people who

are dealing with pain and who

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are really working on rewriting major

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patterns within their systems.

Like chronic pain as a...

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often a neuroplastic type of pain,

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is something that lives in our

nervous systems and our brains,

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and a lot of it is about learning

how to rewrite deeply set

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patterns to release this

holding pattern in your body.

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I wasn't surprised, but I was so delighted

to hear them talk about this again.

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And in this context of remembering that

"how" you do something is more important

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than what you do,

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in the context of literally

healing pain inside of our

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bodies.

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I think that this reframe and

remembrance is so important

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for sensitives and empaths and seekers,

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because what I have seen over my years

of guiding so many different people,

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is that the folks that I tend to work

with and that I feel like are drawn to

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this world of healing,

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we tend to be those who care a lot,

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and who really are dedicating

ourselves to our own personal

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healing,

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to the healing of the

world-and sometimes are very

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much overachievers,

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have built a life out of

getting the homework done,

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out of understanding the assignment.

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And so it can become a pattern where we

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actually stack up way more on

our to-do list than we could ever

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possibly accomplish. And we start

feeling like this is our job,

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this is why we're here,

this is what we have to do.

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And the doing of the thing

is the most important.

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And sometimes it can feel like pressure

and sometimes we don't even realize that

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we're creating that pressure on

ourselves because we've kind of tricked

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ourselves into thinking, Oh no,

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but these are just all things

I'm excited about doing.

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And while that may be true,

ultimately if we tune into, often,

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our nervous system, the

gentler sides of ourself,

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what we're finding is that

we're feeling overwhelmed by the

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too muchness of all the things

that we think we have to do.

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And this can come up so

profoundly on the healing journey.

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And I can attest to this very strongly

myself as someone who's dealt with

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chronic pain and chronic illness,

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that there's a part of me that always

wants to be the "A student." I'll do all

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the exercises, I'll do all the

things. And what I've noticed,

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and actually what they spoke to in

this podcast was that that mentality

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itself can actually be a

contributor to continuing or

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worsening symptoms-in my case of chronic

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pain and chronic illness, but for you,

it might look like something different.

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And so I really started to notice this,

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and you might notice it too,

the more that I talk about it.

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So here's a good example from my life.

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I have dealt with some form

of insomnia in my entire life.

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I don't really remember a time when I

didn't have some sort of trouble falling

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asleep, ever since I was very, very young.

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Something my mom has talked about a lot.

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My poor mom dealt with a lot between

me and my sister and lack of sleep.

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And when I became an adult,

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I really got into trying

to figure this out.

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How can I combat insomnia?

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How can I do all the things to

make sure that I get to bed?

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And I did all the research and I read

the books and I was listening to the

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podcasts, and it actually

wasn't getting any better.

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And I had this whole routine-I still

have this routine-where before bed,

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I lower the lights, I stretch,

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I meditate, I write in my journal,

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and I slowly downgrade the lights

and the stimulation over this time,

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till I'm literally just reading

by a red light headlamp.

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And there's nothing wrong

with this routine. In fact,

it is very helpful for me.

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I need an hour transition time. This

is something I've realized for myself.

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But what I noticed is that

when I got very into "the

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doing" the checklist of the things,

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there was a certain amount

of intensity behind it.

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And that intensity actually

was antithetical to

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the energy that I needed

in order to relax,

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to downregulate my nervous

system enough that I could sleep.

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And for me, in my experience with

insomnia, this is really the key.

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It's all about the nervous system

and it's all about whether I am in an

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activated mode or whether I can feel

safe enough to start going into a more

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down-regulated space.

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And I realized that even though

I was doing all the things,

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it wasn't working because

of how was doing them.

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And I saw this a lot over the

years working with different

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clients and students,

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that we can do sometimes all the things.

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And it can be so frustrating,

right? Because we're like,

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we're doing all the things.

I'm doing all the things.

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Why am I not healing?

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And it's because it's the

way that we're doing it.

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It's because there's a certain

amount of intensity behind

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what we're doing that is actually

antithetical to what our bodies,

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our psyches, our spirits are

needing in order to heal.

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And so this is really important

for the healing journey,

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but I also think it's really

important for our life in general:

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how we live into our mission,

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how we live into our

purpose here on this planet.

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One thing that I see over and over again

with sensitives, intuitive seekers,

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is that we're often really

hard on ourselves. I mean,

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just blanket statement: hard on ourselves.

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But also hard on ourselves

when it comes to our purpose.

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There's this deep intense

push inside of ourselves

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to find our purpose, to be on our mission,

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to understand why we're here.

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And so there's this constant

drive, this seeking,

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of what is the mission?

What is the purpose?

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How do I know when I'm on it?

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I want to live up to my soul's

potential in this lifetime.

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That's something I've

always felt really deeply,

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and I know a lot of you feel that too:

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this really strong desire

to live up to our soul's

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potential, why we came here.

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And the funny, paradoxical,

like, the universe laughs,

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kind of deal with this,

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is that often when we

come at it from that level

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of intensity-like, I'm

going to take this workshop,

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I'm going to read this book,

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I'm going to make this practice

a part of my life-it almost feels

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like that purpose keeps

slipping through our fingers,

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or we keep having to do the next thing.

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And that's just part of the culture we

live in too, where it's almost like,

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there's always this push

to be doing the next thing,

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consuming the next thing,

buying the next thing...

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Consuming in every way, including

reading something or producing something,

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you know, making something a part

of our life. There's just this,

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sort of this constant input.

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And yet the reality is that it's

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so much more about how we're doing

things. We could be doing way less,

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actually,

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than we often think we're supposed to

be doing if we just pay attention to

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how we are doing it.

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And this can be challenging

because when we slow down

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to pay attention to how

we're doing something,

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that's when all the

feelings can arise-including

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sometimes the feeling of frustration of,

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Why isn't this happening more quickly?

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Why am I struggling so much?

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I want to be at this place,

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I want to be at point C,

but I'm still at point A.

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Why is that? And what I have found,

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and the way I've described it before

is almost like there's a river

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or a creek or stream-a spring-fed

stream-that you're here to

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drink from.

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And that stream is actually

your own center of self.

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It's this place of calm and peace and

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wellbeing. And that's all you actually

need to fulfill your mission in

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this life. And to know what

the next right step is,

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is to be able to drink from that river.

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And yet in order to drink from that river,

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we have to walk through this line of fire.

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And that line of fire is

what's going to come up for us

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when we slow down enough to

pay attention to "the how,"

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when we slow down enough

to really feel ourselves.

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And for most sensitive people,

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we love being with ourselves. We

want more time with ourselves.

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We love relaxing and downtime and

peace and all of those things.

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And so it can be confusing to

us sometimes of like, well,

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why can't I slow down then? Why

can't I give myself that time?

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And it's because it's

that little wall of fire.

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I almost see it as a little brush

fire between you and the river,

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or between you and that spring-fed

creek from which you can drink.

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And we have to be willing

to walk through it.

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And the intensity of it, the

discomfort of it won't last.

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But to be able to slow

down enough to be with it

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is how we then get to that

creek, are able to drink,

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and are able to really start

to feel into our bodies,

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our nervous systems,

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of How am I actually doing this thing?

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Because oftentimes when

we are doing something,

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it can be coming out of

this place of fear or

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this place of lack or

this place of striving.

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A lot of us have programs around

"doing" and feel very safe in

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"doing." I know I do.

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I was literally a straight

A student in high school.

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It was very much for me...

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like I conceived of getting good grades

and being able to get into whatever

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college I want,

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as my ticket out of a very

difficult situation in my

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teenage years, a

difficult time in my life.

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And so I had a lot of overlapping

programs around "doing" as

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being something that keeps me safe,

busyness as sort of a trauma response.

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A lot of us have this,

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and so the slowing down to feel "the how,"

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there might be a level of

discomfort that comes up with that.

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But if that happens, no,

you're not messing it up.

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You're not messing up "the how" It's

like we have to feel that first layer of

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whatever part of us is saying, Oh, this

is scary. This is scary to slow down,

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this is scary to do less.

What's going to happen?

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Is everything going to fall apart? And

to just be with that part of ourselves.

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Sometimes it's helpful to

even imagine that part,

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to give a face, a body, to that

part. Maybe it's a part of you,

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a different point in your life.

Maybe it won't look like you at all.

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Maybe it'll be an animal or somebody else.

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But to just imagine that

part, and just sit with them,

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and hear them out, and say,

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"That makes sense." Whatever they're

telling you about why this is scary,

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to just say,

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"That makes sense." And often if

we're sitting with the part of

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us that is scared of slowing down,

if we sit with them long enough,

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they'll feel seen and heard and safe

enough that we can continue to walk to

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that stream. In a lot of ways,

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this is an invitation to be in our bodies.

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Like, "how." When you think about "how,"

the invitation of "how..." instead of

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"what?" how is a very somatic word.

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I can literally see bodies in motion when

I say "how." It is this invitation to

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be in our bodies and that

invitation will bring stuff up.

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But that's the journey. That's the

secret, right? Is that's the journey:

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is we're coming here as souls

on a mission on this planet.

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We're coming here to be in a

body. That was the delight,

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that was the opportunity.

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And so the more we get into our bodies

and explore "how," the more we're

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just naturally fulfilling this

mission. It's almost this concept of,

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what if the whole mission was

just you being in the "how?"

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What if that was the whole mission,

right? Of you just getting into a body,

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having a life experience and

really being attuned to how you are

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doing things.

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And what I have found is that

when we can connect to "how," it

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ripples out these effects in

every other area of our life.

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If we give ourselves permission

to slow down enough to be

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in the "how" in one area,

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maybe it's in our work life

or in our relationships,

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that will ripple out into all these

other places and it will ripple out into

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other relationships, into our

career, into our creative projects,

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into our healing journey,

into how we see the world.

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So when we ground in "how" it's

like we're really grounding in

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our soul's perspective of this life.

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And that's something that I think is

important for us to remember-especially as

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we're inside of this podcast,

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"Remember Why You Are Here." And its

whole purpose is to help you reconnect to

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and remember that-is that our

missions in this life are not so much

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about "what." I really

don't think they are.

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I think that "what" is like a pretty

package that can change over time.

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You know, what role you're playing,

what job you're in, it's like fun,

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fancy dress up clothes.

But on a soul level,

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it's so much more about the "how." That's

what we came here to learn, is how.

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How to be in a body, how to

remain connected to ourselves,

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how to remain connected to love,

as we do the things that we do.

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Over the years, I've loved listening

to near-death experiences or NDE

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experiences.

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I first started being fascinated

by near-death experiences in my

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teen years.

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I think I was probably 14 years

old when I read Raymond Moody's

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book about near-death experiences,

and Elizabeth Kubler Ross.

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And I just remember thinking

like "this." Not only

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do I love these stories

of dying and going home,

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dying and remembering your purpose,

dying and seeing the wider picture,

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but it brought up this full body

wave of remembrance inside of me.

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And it was a very somatic

experience of just like,

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I remember this, I remember

what this was like.

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And so I've always been fascinated by

NDEs and people's accounts if their

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NDEs. It's one of the things that I

do when I'm struggling with life on

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earth, is I'll listen to some NDEs.

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I find them to be very uplifting

and such a good reminder.

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But one of the things I see over and

over again in accounts of near-death

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experiences is people

talking about exactly this,

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that they die and have these

life review experiences where

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they're overlooking their whole life

and they realize all along it was never

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about what they did, it was

entirely about how they did it.

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And that's such a reframe for

our culture that we live in,

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where there's just so much

pressure on what you do.

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And it seems like that pressure

comes from all sides, right?

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It's like we might've had a certain

kind of pressure from our family or our

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society, our community, growing up of

what the right kind of "doing" looks like.

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You know, what kind of

achieving, what kind of doing.

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But then we move into other

worlds, maybe healing worlds,

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maybe creative worlds,

maybe worlds of activism,

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and then there's other layers

of what we need to be doing,

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different kinds of things. But it's

still a list of what we need to be doing.

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What if the most radical thing

of all, is reframing all of that?

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It's actually not at all about

what I do, but how I do it.

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And it reminds me of this one time

when I was traveling in Japan,

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I got to sit in a Japanese tea ceremony.

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And I'd never been in a

Japanese tea ceremony before.

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And I was really struck by how simple

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the ceremony actually was,

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but how powerful it was

because there were so much

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intention,

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there were so much emphasis

on the "how" in every single

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like the picking up of a whisk and the putting back down of that same

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whisk. It was poetry,

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it was pure poetry watching

this tea master operate.

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And it was entirely out of the

space of paying such exquisite

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detail to the "how."

Such exquisite detail.

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And so while the slowing down

into our "how" can bring up

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sometimes unprocessed feelings

and emotions and stuff,

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ultimately, and you might be feeling

this right now in your nervous system,

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ultimately, it's relieving.

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Isn't it relieving to

remember that like, Oh,

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I actually could never fail,

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because it's not about what I do or

don't do. It's about how I do the thing.

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And the "how" is this evolving process:

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it's like as long as I'm

paying attention to it,

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as long as I'm really paying

attention to "how," I'm

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doing it right.

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Because ultimately what

we would like is to be

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doing things out of a

place of peace and love

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and compassion and

openness and centeredness,

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but we might not always

feel that right away.

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But us just paying attention

to how we are feeling,

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is how we get there. It's almost like

the road we can't help but travel down,

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our natural state as

spiritual beings, as souls,

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is one of love, acceptance, openness,

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freedom, centeredness.

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And so anytime we just

pay attention, actually,

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to what's going on inside of us,

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anytime we pay attention to the "how,"

it's like it naturally just leads us

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to that place. And it

might not be right away,

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but that's always where every single road

is going, every single path is going.

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That is always where you're

going. It's where you come from.

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It's where you're going.

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It's the ultimate reality that

surrounds you at all times.

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And so I invite you today to

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really think about the things

that maybe you want to do in your

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life. And I'm sure you

have a list. I have a list.

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I have a long list.

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But to ask yourself with

the things on that list,

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And how do I want to do them?

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Because I've seen this over and over

again, I've seen this in my business,

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that when I do something

because I'm trying to

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get it done and I am

crossing it off the list,

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and it feels urgent in some way,

that thing only goes so far.

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But when I do something from this

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almost fluid flow-I think about someone

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practicing a martial art-that

kind of energy behind

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something. When I'm really in tune

with how I want to be doing it,

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how I want to be feeling when

I put it out into the world,

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it goes so much further.

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So you're amplifying anything

you do by just paying

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attention to this "how," giving

yourself permission to let go of all

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the "what," all the

things on the to-do list,

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and just paying attention to the "how."

And so asking yourself maybe today,

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out of that list of things,

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what is the most important

thing that you want to do?

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And then ask yourself, how, in your

ideal world, would you want to do it?

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How would you feel inside of yourself?

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What would that feel like in

your body to do it that way?

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To get specific if you can,

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with sensations that you would

want to be feeling in your body.

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How would you want to feel in your body?

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How would you want to feel in your life?

movement:

How would you want to feel

in your relationships?

movement:

How would you want to feel at the end

of the day when you're going to bed?

movement:

And like really feel this right now,

if you can, if you have a moment,

movement:

and the time, and now that you've felt it,

movement:

reframe it and realize that that's

actually what you want to do,

movement:

is you want to feel that way.

movement:

You want to do things in a way

where you're able to feel that way,

movement:

to connect into the "how." And

you have the ability to do this,

movement:

because this is your birthright.

This is just who you naturally are.

movement:

It's allowing who you naturally are to

be inside of everything that you do.

movement:

And so to ask yourself in this moment,

movement:

in what ways can I protect

my "how?" Because we

movement:

do live in a world where there is so

much pressure, there's a lot of fear,

movement:

there's a lot of urgency,

movement:

and it makes sense why it's

there. It makes complete sense.

movement:

And we will have to

continually do this work of

movement:

protecting how we want to do things,

movement:

of reminding ourselves

that it's important,

movement:

this "how" is actually

super important in this

movement:

world. Because at the end of the day,

movement:

it's not what you do that

will help heal the world,

movement:

it's how you do it.

movement:

And we can see this in

every single facet of the

movement:

world. I think about,

for example, gardening,

movement:

and the idea of building

soil, rebuilding soil.

movement:

It's not like "what" I produce

in my garden. Ideally, sure,

movement:

I'd love to be able to feed myself from

the garden and sort of exit some of

movement:

these global food systems that we're

a part of that are just... not good,

movement:

not sustainable, not going to last,

not beneficial pretty much for anybody.

movement:

And yet when we get so focused on

"the what" we're producing in this

movement:

garden, we can really forget

the "how," the process,

movement:

the slowing down enough that

I'm actually building soil,

movement:

this is regenerative,

movement:

I'm feeding the earth as I do it.

movement:

We've forgotten the energy

of "how" in our world today

movement:

and the energy of "how," that energy,

where we're invited to slow down,

movement:

connect to ourselves, be

aware of our inner states,

movement:

that's what's going to shift the world.

movement:

And so every time you're willing to

connect back into your "how," to give

movement:

yourself permission to realize

that it is how you do something,

movement:

and not what you do, that's the most

important. You are healing the world.

movement:

So thank you for tuning

into this podcast today,

movement:

for spending this time to be in

your "how," to attune to your

movement:

inner environment. It's such

an honor to be here with you.

movement:

It is such a reminder

for me of why I'm here,

movement:

and it's been such a delight.

movement:

And a reminder that I have a voicemail

movement:

now, so you can leave me a

voice message if you just go to

movement:

AsiaSuler.com/remember,

movement:

you will find my voice

answering machine there.

movement:

You can leave me a voice message.

movement:

I have been getting messages

that have been so fun so far.

movement:

And one thing I'm going to be doing

is sharing some messages here on the

movement:

podcast, possibly doing

some Q and A this way,

movement:

expanding on topics that

people want expansion on,

movement:

and also having some feedback or follow-up

information on the things that are

movement:

really lighting people up.

movement:

So in my intuitive reading

for March this year,

movement:

somebody asked me to share

my recipe for bee balm pesto.

movement:

And so I did that over on my newsletter.

So that's another really great thing:

movement:

if you want all the updates that I

will be doing as I get these voice

movement:

messages, all the auxiliary recipes, info,

movement:

just the gathering that happens there,

movement:

then definitely come on over

and sign up for my newsletter.

movement:

That sign up is on the website.

movement:

You can go to asiasuler.com/innercircle

and it'll take you right

movement:

there. And that's really

one of my favorite ways to

keep in contact and to be in

movement:

connection with you. So

thank you for being here.

movement:

Thank you for taking time out of your

day to sit in this moment with me,

movement:

to remember our "hows," to remember that

the way we move through this world is

movement:

important, that who we are is important,

movement:

that it's so much less about what we do,

movement:

and so much more about acknowledging

that who we already are is the medicine

movement:

that we need for this world.

movement:

So I am going to be tuning in next time

with a really exciting announcement of

movement:

something that I've been

working on for so long.

movement:

So tune in for that next week.

movement:

I have butterflies in my

stomach just talking about it,

movement:

but I'm so excited I cannot

wait to just spill the beans.

movement:

So with that, I hope you have

a wonderful rest of your day,

movement:

and I'll see you next time

on Remember Why You Are Here.

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