Are you ready for all things Social Security? On this episode of Retirement Equals Freedom, Host Josh Bretl is starting off a 360° look at this federal program that touches the lives of just about every retired American. (We promise, it’s exciting!)

This jam-packed show is focused on the system’s history – from how it got started to how its parameters have evolved. Established by President Franklin D. Roosevelt at the height of the Great Depression, as Josh says, “Social Security is a beast of a government program that has a huge impact on almost everyone’s lives.”

Along with Co-Host Dave Schmidt, we’re learning about why more people than ever are relying more heavily on their Social Security checks over longer periods of time (thanks to the evaporation of pensions and increasing lifespans).

Josh ponders how the Social Security system may be reformed – but never entirely replaced – and emphasizes the importance of strategizing about when to tap your benefits and how to supplement your income if that traditional “three-legged stool” retirement plan turns into a bicycle (tune in and it will all become crystal clear … along with a national need for an Alf reboot).

If you enjoyed the show, please do us a favor and us at Apple Podcasts to comment, rate and review Retirement Equals Freedom. It helps us stay inspired, boosts visibility and grows our audience. We really appreciate the support!

This episode was fueled by Cometeer Coffee, both iced and hot!

Click here to learn more about or listen to previous episodes of The Retirement Equals Freedom Podcast. Don’t forget to sign up for the show’s new weekly email at this link and definitely come join the conversation at our new private Facebook group, which you can find here.

But Social Security, it's a beast of

a government program, and it has a huge impact on

almost everyone's lives.

So there's a lot of misconceptions about it.

There's a lot of unknowns.

People get afraid of it.

They don't want to make the wrong decision with it.

So what I thought I'd do today is to get a good

basic understanding of it.

I thought we'd actually talk a little about the

history of Social Security.

Are you ready for all things Social Security?

Well, I hope so!

On this episode of Retirement Equals Freedom, we take

a 360 degree look at this federal program that touches

the lives of just about every retired American.

And I promise, it's gonna be exciting.

This jampacked show focuses on the system's history, from

how it got started, to how the parameters have evolved.

You'll learn why more people than ever are relying more

heavily on their social security checks over

longer periods of time.

You'll hear Josh's thoughts on how the social security system

may be reformed, but never replaced, as he emphasizes the

importance of strategizing when to tap into your benefits and

how to supplement your income.

Oh yeah, we also discuss the national need for an ALF reboot.

This is The Retirement Equals Freedom Podcast.

Your host, Josh Bretl, is the owner of FSR Wealth

Strategies, and for the last two decades, he's been

helping fine folks like you thrive in their retirement.

And me?

I'm Dave.

Josh's longtime friend, co-host of this podcast,

and fan of the new Starbucks Sugar Cookie Latte.

So now, let me let you let me, end this introduction

so you can get the low down on social security.

FSR Wealth Management is a registered investment advisor

located in Elmhurst, Illinois.

Information and opinions contained in this audio

have been arrived at by FSR Wealth advisors.

All information herein is for informational purposes

and should not be construed as investment advice.

It does not constitute an offer, a solicitation or recommendation

to purchase any security.

FSR is not providing legal, tax, accounting, or financial

planning advice in this audio.

These views are as of the date of this publication

and are subject to change.

Hi, David.

Oh, Joshua Edward.

Good morning to you.

You are still one of the favorite people in my house.

In your house, in your office,

in your life in general.

That was kind of sick.

By the way, I'm going to foreshadow a few things.

Ooh, by the way, that was one of the big words

I used on last week's podcast.

Foreshadow?

You were like, remember, you're like, hey,

what's this big word we used all the time in high school?

I'm like, therefore hence, foreshadowing.

And you got all excited.

You're like, plethora.

But foreshadowing was one of them.

Go ahead.

Was last week's podcast, the one where

you didn't know the way to use whatever word you

didn't know how to use?

Extrapolate.

Extrapolate.

That's true.

Yeah.

I got to pick the get to know Josh and Dave question today,

and that will come back, I think, to what we said here.

So no, I never thought that at this point in my life, I'd be

spending as much time and you'd be as integral into my life

as you've become, which is fun and scary all at the same time.

All at the same time.

So really quick, what's cool in my life is my dad's

in town, picked him up from Colorado on Monday.

Fun.

He comes out a few times a year.

Yeah, two or three times a year.

He is the Retirement Equals Freedom biggest fan, more

so than Al, I believe.

Oh, Al's going to be really upset when,

if your dad gets his own...

Where is it?

Where's my...

Top left?

Hashtag tax nerd.

If your dad gets his own sound drop, Al's

going to be really upset.

All right, well, I'll see what I can happen.

So he legitimately, we went to breakfast yesterday, and he

started telling me about that he has all these different notes

that he takes on every episode.

And he has funny stories to add on top of our funny

stories and questions about topics you bring up and so

on and so forth, to the point where he now works part-time

at Ikea to keep himself busy.

And he freaking loves it to begin with.

But he uses some of the customer feedback cards so

he'll take one, take a stack of them, flip them over, and

start writing notes that he just thinks of from previous

episodes of our podcast.

I am so impressed.

But he got a kick out of it because yesterday, this

would've been October 24th or fifth, I was recording the

introduction for episode 24 and I'm like, "Dad, come on in here.

Come see how the sausage is made, so to speak."

And he loved it.

He got to watch me record the introduction.

He didn't understand that shuffling his big old slippers

on my hardwood floor would get picked up in a microphone.

So I had to rerecord it like three times.

Well, I still don't think you understand things

get picked up the microphone.

Every little noise you make, it's like, oh listen to that.

Hey, studio version two is

going to be much better.

Oh, that.

Much better.

So it's really cool.

And we are going to have him on the podcast.

I think we're going to record a special episode with all of

his notes and feedback, and he's got great stories about us.

So yesterday you sent me a text that

I did not reply to.

I am famous for not replying to text messages.

And I looked at it in the middle of a meeting.

I had a text come through.

And you know how the picture preview pops up?

And it was just a picture of all of these note cards

spread out on a couch.

And I was like, I don't know what the heck this is.

I don't know.

So I just kind of let it go.

And then when I read it later, it was really very funny.

I know he's so excited.

He was a little offended that we keep talking about interviewing

my mom instead of him first.

So there's a battle.

There's a battle going on.

We can interview both of them, but I feel

like your dad will try and add a lot of humor, and

the humor will come from us making fun of your father.

Your mother is just humor in herself.

She comes with an energy level that is unbelievable.

That is so true.

Hey, how is your remodel going?

We are three weeks in, four weeks in.

So we've been waiting forever.

Actually, my wife and I were talking.

My wife's birthday was last week, and it was on her

birthday last year that we signed the contract with the

architect designer person.

And we're like, yep, we're going to start building in March.

We're looking forward to it.

We went and bought appliances in December.

And we thought, hey, we're good to go.

Well, demo didn't start until the end of September.

And that first day of demo, I remember coming home

from work being like, oh my God, what did we do?

But we're living in our living room, which is also,

I'll see if I can post a picture or a little video

of this onto our Retirement Equals Freedom Facebook page.

But it's our kitchen, our living room, our dining room, our

craft room, our homework room.

It has turned into every single thing except for our

sleeping in our bedrooms.

Well, do you have a port-a-potty

in your living room?

No, but there's one in our driveway.

So if you need.

And I feel bad.

We have a shared drive with our neighbors.

Our neighbors are the nicest people in the world, and they

have put the port-a-potty right outside their back door.

I feel bad for them.

But no, all bathrooms and bedrooms are still in use

upstairs, but it's a mess.

Wait, does Alex still have easy access to

his history of taxes books?

Oh, those are in his bedroom.

The history of taxes.

I mean, this might become one of Alex's favorite episodes.

We are going to do one on social security today.

Oh, man.

And we're going to talk a little bit about the

history of Social Security, which is really riveting

stuff, but I think maybe Al will get into Social Security.

He was trying to tell my wife all these

things about Roth IRAs.

And you know how your father is the biggest podcast fan we have?

Our wives are our lowest podcast fan.

There's people who don't know about us, and they obviously

aren't fans, but then there's our wives who know we do

this and still won't listen.

Did I tell you the quote that came from

Carla's mouth the other day?

No.

So it might have been the other night when my

dad was telling me about his favorite moments from the show.

And Carla was kind of giving a half laugh in the

background she heard us.

And she was like ha, ha, ha.

I'm like, Carla, tell us about your favorite

moment on the podcast.

And she's like, I am the least supportive wife ever

when it comes to your show.

I've never listened to any of it.

I'm more interested in TikTok videos.

Like, wow.

Dave, we need a TikTok account.

Oh, yeah.

Retirement equals freedom.

We should do it.

I mean, I'm all for it.

And then we should play the algorithm so that Carla

and Missy, that's all they see is our little snippets.

Oh, yeah.

We'll have to have some sort of celebrity hashtag then.

But at least your wife hears you edit these.

I don't think Missy has ever heard any of this.

Oh man, that's too bad.

Dave, today we talk about Social Security a

little bit, and this is going to be a multi episode topic

because it is so important.

And Social Security is one of those things that

everybody has to deal with.

I mean, I don't really care who you are.

I shouldn't say everybody.

We'll talk a little bit about that, but almost everybody has

to deal with Social Security and wants to deal with it.

And it becomes an integral part into everyone's retirement.

So there's a lot of misconceptions about it.

There's a lot of unknowns.

People get afraid of it.

They don't know.

They don't want to make the wrong decision with it.

There's fears that go along with it.

So what I thought I'd do today is to get a good

basic understanding of it.

I thought we'd actually talk a little about the

history of Social security.

Doesn't that sound riveting?

Only a true hashtag tax nerd would know

the history of Social Security.

Hashtag tax nerd.

I used to give a lot of Social Security workshops.

In fact, we stopped giving them a little bit.

I don't know why we stopped.

I think I'll blame COVID.

Yeah, we can blame everything on COVID, but I actually

was thinking, I'm going to start recording a Social

Security webinar just because it can be evergreen that

people can see whenever they want to that's out there.

But You did so well in US history that I actually

had to take some of your tests for you, I think, but

was part of the New Deal.

Do you remember the New Deal, Dave?

This was back out of the Great Depression.

Yeah, it rings a bell.

Yeah.

This came from President Roosevelt.

He was the one that concocted the idea of a social

insurance program, and they named it Social Security.

And the thought was every worker would pay into this

program and then when people retired, it would pay out

for the rest of their lives.

And it was a way to take care of retirees as people got older.

And that was the design.

Now I want to talk a little bit about the design because this

was back in the early thirties and a few things had to happen.

One is they had to pick an age at which you'd

start Social Security.

So it was signed into law in '35.

The first person who collected Social Security was in 1940.

Anything big happening around the forties?

Yeah, we seemed to have.

We just went out of Great Depression, and then we

went into World War II.

Oh, World War II.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of things that

occurred back then.

And Social Security might be the single biggest tax

change we've ever had.

I mean, it's a very social program.

It's for the greater good that everyone pays into.

And I'm not going to say good or bad on that.

Every listener we have, some are going to love it,

some are going to hate it.

But back then the design, they had to pick an age that people

could collect social security.

And do you know what age they picked back then?

Well...

Maybe you do, because you actually

listen to me sometimes.

I'm shocked by that.

Yeah, 65.

65.

Yeah, that was the age.

Wasn't it started by some German dude?

Well, that's what I was going to get to.

Do you know how they picked age 65?

I think I do.

Do you actually want me to answer?

Yeah, let's see what you got.

I believe, if I remember correctly...

Some German dude.

Well, I believe the idea back then by this

German dude was because...

Chancellor Bismarck is the German dude.

Dave Schmidt:

Chancellor Biz Markie.

Dave Schmidt:

No, that's the American rapper.

Dave Schmidt:

Oh baby, you got what I need.

Dave Schmidt:

Isn't that Biz Markie?

Dave Schmidt:

But you say he's just a friend.

Dave Schmidt:

Anyways...

The one thing I know less than movies is rap artists.

Yeah, sure.

But I believe it was because there were not enough jobs

for younger people, right?

So he started incentivizing older individuals

to stop working.

And he chose 65 because most people would be dead by then.

And it said that was kind of an arbitrary

line in the sand he drew.

And that was the 1800s.

And it had to do with the railroad.

Young people couldn't get jobs in the railroad.

So he just said, if you're over 65, Mr.

Biz Markie retired them and said the government will take care

of you from that point forward.

And Roosevelt said, worked for Bismarck, it'll work for us.

He picked 65.

Now here's the funny thing.

The funny thing was, do you know what the life expectancy of an

American male was in the 1940s?

I do believe, I think it was like 63 or 67.

It was only...

62.

Oh, man.

It was 62.

So the average American didn't live long enough at that point

to even collect Social Security.

And if they happened to live to 65, do you know how

average long they'd live?

Two years?

Three years?

Two years.

Two years.

They lived to 67.

So what that meant was there was a lot of people working and

not a lot of people collecting.

In fact, Erin as she was preparing our show notes,

found this really cool graph on the Social Security website,

a chart where it breaks down how many people were working

versus how many beneficiaries, how many thousands of

people were collecting.

Dave Schmidt:

Well, really quick.

Dave Schmidt:

We can post this in the show notes and on

Dave Schmidt:

the Facebook page too.

Yeah, no, that'd be great.

Okay, so in 1945.

1945, so we're really early into Social Security, there

were 46 million, almost 47 million people working

for Social Security.

So workers paying into Social Security.

And how they pay in, that's that FICA tax on your paycheck.

And there were 1.1 million people collecting.

So 46 million people paying in, 1.1 people collecting.

So you had, that comes to about a 42 to one ratio.

So for every one person collecting, there was

42 people paying in.

Wow.

How about that.

No, that sounds good.

That should work.

That's a Ponzi scheme that works.

And to take it one step further, the average American didn't

live long enough to collect.

And if they did live long enough, they collected for two

years and dropped over dead.

Social Security, that's built upon a...

That's structurally sound.

If that continued, we shouldn't be talking about

Social Security being bankrupt today, but things changed.

People live longer, medicine got better, the

life expectancy increased.

Today, the average life expectancy of an American

male comes in at like 78.

But that includes infant mortality and all the bad

things that can happen to you early in life.

If you get to be about Social Security age, you

on average are going to live to about 83 years old.

And you and I, we take care of ourselves

and eat the best foods.

Physical specimens.

I'm thinking like 115, 120 for you and I.

Oh yeah.

Easy, cool.

Easy, all right.

And I'm going to have a lot of fun

in that time period too.

Oh, yeah.

We'll be fit.

We'll be playing basketball at 100.

That'd be great.

I have to start playing basketball

in my forties first.

But that ratio kept decreasing because people

got older and older and older.

You had a smaller ratio.

In fact, it went from 42 to one all the way down

into 1970, it went to three to one, is 3.7 to one.

Wow.

That's only like 25 years later.

It wasn't...

It dropped drastically.

Dropped drastically at that point in time.

So we had a lot more people collecting for people paying

into the system, in fact.

But it stayed in that three range all the way through

until they actually stopped.

The government stops posting these numbers in 2013

because it dropped a 2.8.

To one.

To one.

So that was back in 2013.

It's gotten worse since then as the baby boomers

continue to retire.

And we're down supposedly under two to one.

I haven't found the exact numbers.

I did hear that as a rumor.

So that's not official.

But that Ponzi scheme doesn't work quite as well because

we have less people paying in for those that are collecting.

And they're collecting for a heck of a lot longer.

It used to be if you collected at 65, you collected for

two years on average and you didn't collect anymore.

Now you turn it on, you could collect for 20,

30, some people 40 years.

And it's a much different system than it used to be.

So no, they did make a big change.

Life expectancy increased by 13 years, and they

pushed the Social Security age back by two years.

By two years.

So two years.

It's a big difference.

Yeah, big.

But it's there.

It's still there.

Now so people always ask, will it be there?

Do I have to worry about it?

And I will tell you, you and I we're in our early forties, we

should expect social security.

Our kids who are below 10, I believe they'll

get social security.

It's just a matter of, it will look different.

I don't think it will be the same as we have now.

It'll have to change in some way, shape, or form.

Do you have ideas in how it will look?

I do.

I have predictions.

They'll definitely push the age back.

I think they'll push the age into the seventies, 75.

I don't think you and I should expect to receive

it in our sixties.

They're also going to change how they pay for it.

So the FICA tax is interesting.

For higher income earners, you stop paying into

FICA once you make about $150,000 for round numbers.

And so for people who earn a million dollars, the last

$850,000 of your income had no FICA tax on it.

They'll change that.

They'll make it so you pay FICA all the way up.

So those two changes will make social security solvent again.

Quick question, is an individual who is well off,

can you decline Social Security?

I've never had anyone decline Social Security.

I always tell people, even if you don't need it or want

it, find a good use for it.

Be charitable with it.

Even if you want to give it back to the government,

there is a donation page on the IRS website.

That no one uses it, but it's there.

I have never seen anyone decline it . I don't

even know if you can.

That's a good question.

I don't know who would want to.

But you could do better uses with it than give

it back to the government.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, without a doubt.

So Erin printed up some statistics for us, which

were pretty interesting.

So in 2022, for the average 65 year old, the Social Security's

going to replace about 37% of their earnings on average.

And the question comes, what part of their income

or what part of their expenses does that replace?

She had it here that the average Social Security benefit in

2022 was $1,614 per month or about 20,000 bucks a year.

So for a married couple, that's about $40,000 a year.

And if you spend 60,000 bucks a year, it's making up

two thirds of your income.

That's a big deal.

So if it's not there or if it's not as big as it used to

be, you have to find something else to replace that income.

And it takes a pretty sizable asset to replace 20 or

$40,000 a year of income.

So Social Security is important to a lot of people,

but here's why I think it's going to be there.

The government has a really hard time taking a

benefit away from somebody.

And for about 20 to 25% of our population, Social

Security makes up over 95% of their income.

Oh, wow.

What's that percentage again?

About 20 to 25%, the last numbers that I saw

of our population who are retired, Social Security makes

up over 90% of their income.

And so you can't take that level of benefit away from

such a large percentage of the population without

a massive social issue.

So the government knows that they have to fix it in

some way, shape, or form.

And so they're going to get there.

You will get Social Security.

It may look different, it may be taxed different, but But having

a plan for when you take it, there's all sorts of options.

And we're going to get into that in the next episode is to when

should you take Social Security?

It's probably the biggest question I get is when should

I take Social Security?

And there's all sorts of variables that go into it.

It is not black and white, but it's an important decision

because it will impact all the other retirement

issues that you have.

It's going to impact your other assets.

It's going to impact how much you can spend.

It's going to impact how much you leave to your kids.

It's going to impact all sorts of things.

You mentioned that as the most common

question that you get asked, but I have a different

question I'd like to ask you.

Why did you not shave this morning for our podcast?

I'm looking over at Scruff McGruff over here.

I pulled in the parking lot.

My mind was like shot this morning.

I think I was so excited to see you and record this podcast.

I don't blame you.

And I pulled in the parking lot this morning and I

touched my face, and I went, I forgot to shake this morning.

That is incredible.

And I was expecting to record videos

and everything with you today, but no one wants to see this.

I disagree.

I think that's you.

I'm not...

You are scruffy as just part of your look.

I'm Scruff McGruff.

Did I ever tell you I had an elderly client

when I was working at the bank, come in and sit down

and she looked at me and she said, I have never met a banker

who didn't shave their face.

And she was offended that I didn't shave my face.

I said, well, I'm Dave.

Hello.

You are either I love you or I

hate you personality.

You think so?

And you don't really care one way or the other.

No.

No.

I don't really care.

I think more people love you than hate you.

Yeah, I hope nobody hates me.

Geez.

Well, that lady at the bank did not care for you.

No, she just didn't like the way I looked.

I won her over with my charm later.

Believe you me.

But Social Security, it's a beast

of a government program.

And it has a huge impact on almost everyone's lives.

Dave Schmidt:

Three legged stool.

Dave Schmidt:

Do you see this in our notes?

Three legged stool, what's your question about it?

I'm just...

How does Social Security a three legged

stool come into play?

So the three legged stool is something that's been around

since the early eighties.

This started probably even early before that, with

identifying the different sources of retirement income.

I told you before that Social Security is for

people, is for the average person, 37% of their income.

But for some people it's greater, for

some people it's less.

You have to replace the rest of the income.

So they call it a three legged stool.

And traditionally prior, I mean this was not now.

But traditionally it was a third Social Security, a

third was a corporate pension.

And the other third was your own personal savings.

So why the Social Security has become so, so important

is because the pensions are pretty much gone.

There's not a pension anymore.

So that leaves Social Security and your own personal

savings as the only two vehicles that are out there.

So now we have a bicycle as opposed to a stool.

Took me a while to get that analogy, but I got it.

Yeah, yeah.

Two versus three.

So the three-legged stool is kind of like

they've had one leg kicked out from underneath it.

It makes those other two legs really, really important.

What do they call those apparatuses that clowns

and people at circus drive?

It's one wheel and they wheel...

A unicycle.

Yeah.

So you're my unicycle.

I don't need Social Security or pension or income.

I got Joshua.

I don't need more people.

No, you don't.

Oh Josh, you have been talking for a while.

Can we dance?

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Let's dance.

Yeah.

What, what.

Okay.

Hey Mr.

Josh, let's take a break.

You've been talking for so long and my ears are sore.

Let's not make them snore.

Listening shouldn't be a chore.

So let's get to know Josh and David watch a rating soar.

Oh, yeah.

You are so much fun to watch.

I add a little bit of extra beatbox in there.

Well, I got to pick our question

today and we foreshadowed it a little bit earlier.

And usually when I pick the question, I also

think of the answer.

So I didn't think of this answer for this one yet,

but I thought this would be a fun question to ask you.

Now sometimes you have these really high

expectations of my answers.

Yeah, I do.

I feel like I...

You let me down a lot.

I fail you?

Yeah, you do.

A lot?

I mean, every time I think, boy, Dave's got to

have a great answer for this.

And I know what it's going to be.

I'm so wrong.

Look, I love going for the yucks, but

sometimes I just don't have it.

So let's see what this is.

Well, this is not really.

Well, let's just see.

Okay.

What did your 15 year old self imagine you'd

be doing right now?

So that would've been like freshman year?

Sophomore year of high school?

Yeah, freshman, sophomore year.

We probably weren't friends at that point in time.

Yeah.

No, so that's when I really started getting into cooking.

So at that point, I'd already started planning

out my first restaurant.

And I was already starting cooking classes at York.

So I thought for sure I'd be a restauranteur.

Ooh.

Owning a restaurant, cooking in a restaurant, all that stuff.

Owning, yeah.

I did like cooking.

But I liked the idea of, again, using that creative side of me

of just starting restaurants.

Now, again, 15, you don't realize all the different

aspects of owning restaurants.

But I wanted to be in that industry for sure.

And now I cook more than you do.

You cook a lot more than me.

Yeah, I just don't like to cook anymore.

It's bad.

So yeah.

Joshua Bretl, at age 15.

How about you?

Age 15 was probably when I started

wanting to do something in the financial world.

I started...

Yes, yes.

That's when I always took after my father.

And I liked a lot of what he did and how he did it.

And I liked that he was always home for dinner,

coached all the baseball teams, all that fun stuff.

Before then, I actually wanted to follow in your footsteps.

I always said that in the summer I was going

to be a baseball umpire.

And in the winter, I was going to be a chef.

Oh, cool.

I mean, I had two jobs in my mind growing up.

I mean, most kids want to be firefighters or

doctors or whatever.

Nope, I wanted to be an umpire and a cook.

That's cool.

My brother-in-law Bill, his brother Chris

Schultz lives in Vegas.

I don't know if you remember this, but he made it really

far in umpiring to triple A

oh, that's right.

I forgot about that.

And it is a really hard career to break into.

It's very competitive.

Statistically, it's harder to get to the major

leagues as an umpire than as a baseball player.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah, and here we are now.

We sit and do a podcast about finances and food.

And food.

I'm actually thinking, what are we getting today?

I'm getting hungry.

Me too.

So that's awesome.

That's kind of fun.

Cool.

So I think it's going to wrap up the show today, except

for Dave relates to retirees.

That's my favorite part of the show.

Is it your favorite or is it the part

that worries you the most?

My therapist has helped me deal with

anxiety and how to handle it.

So it's where I have to start doing my breathing

and things like that.

But I'm used to it now.

So I'm going to relate to our dear retirees

and soon to be retirees.

We're talking about the history of Social Security, and I

do think it's important for everybody to know the history.

I've learned quite a bit myself today.

I compare it to the history of Josh Bretl and Dave

Schmidt, the history of us.

Oh, we have a history.

And there are so many direct parallels to our

friendship and Social Security.

What once started off as just a great idea, great thing has

now become a little bit scarier.

And it's scarier for you and I because you expect

me to do things for my food now and for my free stuff.

I don't know, do podcasts and help you with stuff.

And I find it kind of crazy.

Also, started off great, our relationship.

It got a little testy there when you had the audacity to go off

to college and leave me behind at art school all by myself.

All by myself.

So it's like when humans had the audacity to

start living longer and screwing up the whole Social Security

ratio, you had the audacity of going to the University

of Illinois to get smart.

Yeah, ridiculous.

However, you did redeem yourself by going to my

college graduation in which my wife did not attend.

No, but me and Matthew did.

You and Matthew did.

And just like Social Security is going to eventually redeem

itself, it's going to find a way to better integrate with

how we live as Americans.

We can hope.

We can hope.

Yep.

So Before this episode I was worried about Social

Security/our friendship ending, but now I'm not

because you have put me at peace knowing David, as long

as you're above ground, I will buy you whatever you want.

First off, I never said that.

But second, let's talk a little bit more about the

relationship there because sometimes you have stretches.

This one, I think I got a little bit.

Insert full house music.

I love the music.

Yeah, it's good.

I think when you and I first became friends,

we didn't ever think it would become this level

of important in our lives.

I now see you as much as I see almost anybody else in my

life besides my wife and kids.

And you have become difficult to replace.

That's what I like to hear.

And also a pain in the butt to deal with.

Yeah, that's true.

So you're just like Social Security.

Perfect.

And I actually think that I have learned

and we have learned how to work very well together.

And if it's going to be such an important part of our

life that we better make sure that we understand how it

goes together and how we can seamlessly live symbiotically

so that we can better the rest of both of our lives.

I mean, that is exactly how I

was thinking about it.

I mean, look, dear listener, he's even not shaving.

I don't shave.

What does that say about my influence on him?

I don't remember ever not shaving.

I can't remember I've ever pulled in the office and

went, oh, I forgot to shave.

I mean, I've laid in bed at night and been like, ooh, I

forgot to take my contacts out.

But I've never forgotten to shave.

And when I work here on Mondays, I pull

into your parking, be like, crap, I shaved last night.

It's just the opposite thing.

Look, I have a very certain image I need to maintain

when I walk into your office.

I need to be the one that brings levity, that

brings a certain level of cavalierness to everything.

Because let's be honest, you guys deal with really,

really, really important things for other people.

You got to be on your A game all the time.

And I see the stress level just go way down when I walk in.

Wah, wah.

And in our words of our friend ALF.

Why must you needlessly complicate everything?

That's what I say to your team.

I'm like, hey, let's just take a breath and have some fun.

We're going to end on this.

And you have a huge point right there.

And I was on a training last week and the number one

thing they kept saying over and over again is, clients

want clarity and simplicity.

Clarity and simplicity.

And in our words of ALF, I hope you are helping us bring that.

There have been several rumors of an ALF reboot.

Have I mentioned this?

No.

Seth Rogan is pushing for it.

And if he gets involved, it's going to be awesome.

So I will put money behind a Kickstarter campaign,

whatever it takes for an ALF reboot because who wouldn't

love a little alien life form invading our television sets.

Makes everyone happy.

It does, I know.

You know what else makes me happy?

Saying-

No!

Not having to shop at Buy Buy Baby.

So Deb, this is for you.

Bye.

I totally stole that from SmartLess.

That's how they do it.

I actually got it now.

Yeah, you got it.

I got that now.

All right, good stuff.