It’s time to unlock the secret to an unwavering confidence in the bedroom. In this episode, Ryan Carnes, an actor, producer, singer-songwriter, and screenwriter, discusses the importance of self-confidence and how it can be cultivated.  We’ll stress the importance of developing a sense of identity and purpose and emphasize the importance of communicating with your partner and yourself! Ryan also reveals some of his best strategic practices that will actively aid your bedroom performance. 

Ryan will be dropping so much gold here, so dive right in and let’s explore how to deepen your confidence and start having better sex. 

[00:00 - 07:57] Hollywood Actor Ryan Carnes Shares How He Built His Confidence

• An introduction to Ryan Carnes and his career.

• The effects of a lack of confidence.

• Ryan’s road to recovery from deep insecurities.

• Why it’s important for men to explore and find purpose in life to develop self-esteem.

• Getting back to “rites of passage” for young men.

[07:57 - 15:34] Taking Steps Towards Your Purpose

• Men have to find their purpose in life, and it is a journey.

• How to be alone and spend time with yourself to find answers.

• Defining what sexy is for you.

• The importance of physical beauty, intelligence, kindness, inner strength, and presence.

[15:35 - 23:01] It’s Necessary to Get Rejected 

• Rejection is redirection. It’s a part of life, and it's important not to take it personally.

• Sometimes, people reject you for reasons that are out of your control.

• It’s normal to take a dent in your confidence; this is how to move on. 

• How to take feedback neutrally and extrapolate what we need to in order to improve.

[23:02 - 37:44] How to Overcome Performance Anxiety 

• How to navigate taking or not taking responsibility for a partner's emotional response.

• Men need to learn how to communicate with their partners in the bedroom.

• Men need to develop confidence over time and through exploration. 

• The best sex is the sex that is mentally, emotionally, and physically connected.

• Why it’s important to have sex on a regular basis, the hormonal effects. 

[37:45 - 43:10] How Acting Turned into a Pursuit for Self-Discovery and Truth

• Ryan talks about why he turned to acting in the first place.

• It is an actor’s job to tell the truth in every moment given a particular set of circumstances.

• This is why acting is so enjoyable - it allows for exploration of the depths of truth.

• Ryan’s number one tip for attracting women - authenticity and confidence are underrated.

• Take risks, be bold, and break limitations. There’s no other way to build confidence.

[43:11 - 1:01:19] Enjoying the Journey (Sex), not the Destination (Orgasm)

• Sex is not always about the orgasm - it’s about the connection and present moment.

• Why Ryan sometimes communicates he will choose not to ejaculate during an orgasm.

• How to have incredible orgasms without ejaculation.

• Exercises that you can practice and examples from The Multi-Orgasmic Man.

• Mental distraction and visualization are also important in controlling the process.

• Communication is key in avoiding misunderstandings and tension in relationships around sex

[1:01:20 - 1:05:40] The Disservice that Pornography Does to Us

• Pornography can have a detrimental effect on men's ability to get erections and perform.

• It is not men's job to be "fuck machines."

• The health issues that men in porn face because of the pressure to perform.

• What we see in porn is not what we should be striving for.

[1:05:41 - 1:13:24] Ryan’s Diet and Workout Regimen 

• How to connect with Ryan.

• Working out without cardio. 

• The benefits of a clean, healthy diet to erectile capacity.

Quotes:

“At the end of the day, confidence has to be authentic… In order to get to confidence, we need to build self-esteem.” - Ryan Carnes

“If you haven’t been rejected, then you’re not playing a big enough game… Rejection is redirection” - Ryan Carnes

“The best sex is the sex that is mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically connected.” - Ryan Carnes

"Oftentimes, in playing a character, I'm confronted with myself, and that causes me to be in a position to have to understand what's true for me. I have to understand even greater truth about myself in order to be able to give what I need to give to the character." - Ryan Carnes

Be sure to connect with Ryan on Instagram. 

For all links and resources mentioned on the show and where to subscribe to the podcast, please visit https://sexualhealthformenpodcast.com/over-the-counter-ed-pills.

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