A Father's Forge with Alex Lopez (Ep 181)

Episode 181 • 27th August 2026 • My Ministry Mission • Jason McConnell

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Jason McConnell: Thank you for listening and welcome to the podcast. I'm your host, Jason McConnell. Let me ask you something. How many leadership books are on your shelf right now? Tony Robbins, John Maxwell, Grant Cardone, maybe a few others. Now let me ask you a different question. When was the last time you opened your Bible?

My guest today made that same comparison at a leadership conference a few years back, and what he heard stopped him in his tracks. A best-selling author looked at him and said, "For every quote I just gave you, every one, I can show you the Bible verse it came from." And something in him shifted that day and hasn't shifted back.

Alex Lopez is a former high school business teacher of 16 years, a Maxwell leadership certified coach, the founder of Real You Consulting, and the author of A Father's Forge, a 365-day devotional system that walks fathers through one page a day of scripture, reflection, and action built around six pillars: identity, discipline, character, strength, leadership, and legacy.

He also wrote Forged Sons, 128-day devotional for young men stepping out into the world on their own for the first time. You can find out more about his books, coaching, and speaking by visiting the links in my show notes for this episode. I hope you're ready to learn more about faith and leadership because I have a feeling this is gonna be a pretty awesome conversation.

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Jason McConnell: So welcome, Alex. Thanks for joining the My Ministry Mission podcast.

Alex: Thank you for having me here. Wow, that introduction was so good. I don't think you need me anymore.

Jason McConnell: Yeah, we're done. No, I- I'm excited to have you in here, and I love, uh, getting things rolling by giving the listeners an opportunity to get to know the people that I have on here.

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Jason McConnell: Uh, starting with the favorite Bible verse. Matthew 6:26 is what you sent me. Um, it's a, it's a new one for me. It's... goes: "Look at the birds of the air.

They do not sow or reap or store away in barns, yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" So tell me what that verse means to you. Why, why that one kinda stuck with you?

Alex: Wow, um, yes, uh, that's an incredible verse and, and I really like it because I, I think that, um, that it's a never-ending, uh, fight internally for me, and I imagine a lot of people. We're always worried about this and that and, um, we, we just can't help ourselves. I don't know if it's just our human nature or whatnot, but

Jason McConnell: Same.

Alex: so much about everything and anything.

And, uh, for me particularly, when I was still teaching and I wanted to leave the, uh, teaching field to pursue entrepreneurship, uh, I was really worried about obviously, um, making money and being able to provide for my family and whatnot. And when I heard that voi- uh, that verse, it just... I mean, it just really hit close to home and, and I literally started looking around, looking at the birds and looking at all the animals, and I'm like, "You know, uh, w- we're so spoiled." We're so spoiled. We get to stash away and whatnot. But, um, yes, uh, I, I believe that it's just a great reminder that, that God is in control a- and it's in His hands. And, and the minute we allow that to sink in and really, uh, believe it, then everything is better

Jason McConnell: Oh, I love it. I love it.

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Jason McConnell: You, so you told your wife you were gonna teach for three years and then get back to business, and you ended up teaching for 16. Uh, I mean, what kept you there? What, when did you finally know it was time to go?

Alex: Well, what kept me there was that I really enjoyed it so much. So, um, initially, I did not, uh, set out to become a teacher. My, my degree is in business, and I was doing real estate, and I was doing well, but then of course the, the market, um, took a plunge. And I had just gotten married and, and, uh, my wife was pregnant, and so I decided to play the safe route and go into teaching for three years.

I said, "Three years max, then I'll, uh... then I'll g- uh, get back and, uh, do what I'm doing right now," which was real estate, right? But it, uh, it didn't happen that way, you know? Uh, the minute I hit the classroom, I just enjoyed it so much. just really... I- it sounds really corny, but it is just such a rewarding profession.

You really do change people's lives. a- and it's not without its struggles. Uh, uh, teaching has become harder and harder, uh, but it's still a very rewarding field. What really, you know, brought me to, to go back into real estate or, or pursue entrepreneurship... So really when I, when I left, I didn't say that I was leaving for real estate.

I said, "I'm leaving for entrepreneurship," because I do believe that that's just another passion of mine. I've always been entrepreneurial at heart, and I've always liked all kinds of businesses. Even when I was teaching for the 16 years, I did have a, a separate LLC. I always had all kinds of side hustles and whatnot.

And, and, uh, I... once I started seeing a lot of my students, um, succeed in, in their own ventures, I started getting the imposter syndrome. I'm like, "Well, here I am teaching business courses, entrepreneurship, telling kids that they have to take risks in life," and I was playing it safe. So once I started feeling that, uh, it was time for me to what I preach, I, I decided to make that move.

Jason McConnell: Yeah. The, and you had a tough crowd. I mean, high school teacher, man, that's a tough age.

Alex: It really is. It really is

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Jason McConnell: So you've, you've moved through a lot of roles. I mean, teacher, coach, real estate speaker, author. Looking at it all from where you stand now, do you see kind of how those chapters all connected, or did it kind of feel like chaos and you were just stuck in the middle of it?

Alex: Well, overall, I've always felt my life is complete chaos. Um, that's, that, that is the truth. Um, well, that is the truth as I see it. Uh, what I'm starting to or, or, or believe is that it, it really wasn't, uh, chaos. It was part of God's plan. It's just that i- i- it seems like chaos because it's not going the way we want it to.

Jason McConnell: Right

Alex: Uh, but the reality is that, uh, every- everything that I've done through my life has had a purpose. Uh, it's been a clear, um, reflection of, of the decisions that I've made, and, uh, and that's part of what brought me to where I am right now. Writing this book was, really a reflection of, of my personal growth and, and how it came to be

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Jason McConnell: Yeah, and you, you've actually built... This is incredible. You've built a daily devotional habit that's now, I think when we talked last it was close to 900 days unbroken, right?

Alex: Yes, correct.

Jason McConnell: did... Wow, what did

Alex: now for sure.

Jason McConnell: day one of that look like compared to now, to a morning now?

Alex: Uh, funny you're asking that question because this morning I, I looked at it and I'm like, "Wow, you know, I've only got about 80 more days before I hit 1,000." And I'm saying only 80 more days 'cause now it just seems like really close. But day one did not look like that at all. So, um, one of the things that I've struggled with the most in my life is, is habits, you know?

And I think that's probably something most people struggle with. Uh, we have, you know, some habits that, that we do well and some really bad that really control us, right? And so, um, when I first started, uh, with that devotion or that a friend of mine kind of pointed me to that, I would start and I would keep up for six, seven days and then I would stop.

And then, you know, I would start again and, and, uh, the... I was using this app called the Glorify app, which is fantastic. I have no affiliation with it, but, uh, wish I did. But, uh, but it, it keeps the streak, you know? It keeps the streak and so it, it, it was really cool watching that, you know, that number get bigger, but then when it would fall off it was just very disappointing.

It was more of a, "Here I go again. There you are again," uh, like starting something and not finishing it, right? And so, um, it, it, it... I felt like that little counter was a little bit of a double-edged sword, but really the, the, the, the fire that I needed because it did sting every time that I would stop and my streak started all over.

I just... It was a reminder that here I am failing again. Here I am doing the same thing that I've always done, which is say I'm going to start something but then I don't finish it. And so it was very frustrating, to be quite honest with you. But, um, luckily it, it, it got to the point where right now it's just automatic.

I don't see myself missing it anymore because it's really become part of who I am now, you know? At, at first it became a goal that I, that I wanted to achieve, that consistency. now it's not just something that I need, but something that I crave. Uh, I'm looking forward to waking up early in the morning every single morning just so that I can go do my devotion.

Jason McConnell: I love it. Love it.

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Jason McConnell: And you are a father of two sons, and I, I have, um, kind of an honest question. As, as a dad, do you feel like you're more or less like your own father?

Alex: Um, yeah, that, um That, that's a tough question for me to answer because I just lost my father, uh, since last I

Jason McConnell: I'm so sorry

Alex: just lost him, um, July 5th. So y- to answer that question, I, I don't think I'm half the, the father he was, uh, half the man he was. Um, that's definitely the, the, the goal. Uh, I wish I was more like him. Um, but there's no denying that I am like him in a lot of different ways, and there's no denying that I carry a lot of his values, a lot of the principles, a lot of what I know and who I am, it's because of him.

So, know, I can't... I, I hate to compare myself to him. A- anybody that knows my father and, a- and me saying I'm like my father, they'd be like, "No, I don't think so," right? But, uh, but just because, um, those are very big shoes to fill, but everything, uh, good in me comes from him, so I, I, I would love, I would love to think that, that I am like him

Jason McConnell: I, I have a feeling that when your, when your boys become men and get out there and be fathers themselves, they're gonna say the same thing about you.

Alex: Uh, I hope so

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Jason McConnell: So, um, let's, uh, just get this going and move into some faith questions. You, you've described yourself as someone who always considered himself a Christian, but faith was kind of more background than foreground for a while. Um, like it was there, but you weren't really doing anything with it. Um, what did that season look like, and what eventually changed it?

Alex: Well, you know, um, I you're exactly right. And, uh, so m- my father, by the way, my father, who was an incredible man, was an incredible man, um, a, a person of faith, didn't go to church. He was a person of faith, but he was the first one to tell you that he just wasn't going to go to church. Considered a, a Catholic.

Um, my mom, completely opposite, very devoted, uh, Catholic, at church every Sunday or, uh, you know, um, reads the Bible on a daily basis. So I, I got to see both sides, right? And, um, and I guess for me, for the longest time, had my values. My father always taught us, "This is right, this is wrong," and it, it, it's really not that complicated. Um, uh,

Jason McConnell: Right?

Alex: and, uh... But I guess the older I got and, and the more I, I read and, and, you know, I, I think you, you mentioned it in, in the intro, o- once I started, um, devoting myself to person of growth, um, I started reading more books and whatnot. And then at, at, at a conference, I, I, I met, uh, Vinnie Fisher, which is the author of CEO Mindset, incredible person, incredible mentor. and he asked me a very important question that I'll never forget. He asked me, he goes, "Alex, if you read so many books, why don't you read the Bible?" 'Cause he asked me, "Do you read the Bible?" And I said, "Well, you know, sometimes I do, sometimes

Jason McConnell: Sometimes

Alex: "You don't." I was like, "No, I don't." Um, a- and, and that kinda shifted things for me.

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Alex: it really made me about what it w- what it is that I was doing. Here I am seeking advice and trying to get the best advice that I can from anybody that I can get my hands on. Uh, and you named a bunch of them, John Maxwell, Grant Cardone, Tony Robbins, you name it. Um- And then I also noticed that there was always inconsistencies in my behavior. And I said, "Well, why is there so many inconsistencies in my behavior?" Well, there's inconsistencies in my behavior because there's inconsistencies in my principles. Y-y-you know, a-and you read one book, and you start acting one way. You read another book, and you start acting another way. A-a-and I think, um, incidentally, that's how I discovered what I now call the identity first theory, you know.

Which my theory states that identity should be the foundation of human development because identity is the internal lens through which we interpret the world, and the things, and decisions, and beliefs, and everything that we do, right? And so I think, to me, everything starts with identity. and once I identified myself as a true Christian, then a Christian, then it was easy to understand which principles to follow.

Because you're gonna read conflicting books and conflicting ideas and whatnot, but God is, is very consistent, and is very consistent. So if you wanna stay consistent, just follow those principles. It's really that simple

Jason McConnell: Yeah, I'm, I'm seeing a lot of people, uh, talking to a lot of people who, who are in that, um, kind of in that boat that, that we, we don't always take our faith seriously. And, you know, it takes me back to, to Revelation, the, the Church of Laodicea, the lukewarm church, which is fun because I... And I didn't know this until I researched it recently.

Uh, on one side of Laodicea, I forget if it's north or south, but on one side, there's these, these cold, refreshing waters, and on the other side are these hot springs that are therapeutic and healing. But the water in Laodicea is lukewarm. So when he called them the lukewarm church, it was kind of a play on words for, for, for the, for Jesus.

But, um, but I feel like we run into that problem in faith. I think everybody does. At some point you have to look back and be like, "I am lukewarm, and I gotta fix that."

Alex: Yep. Uh,

Jason McConnell: So

Alex: Yeah

Jason McConnell: yeah, that is an amazing... So o- obviously that conversation landed harder than most. So you, you picked up devotional, started the habit, haven't broken the streak since.

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Jason McConnell: Um, but what changed in you? It's, it's not just the routine, but I imagine you as a man changed

Alex: Yeah. Um, mean, I, I'd like to think so, you know? A- a- and I think that whenever people start thinking or talking about changing, it, it can be a little bit, uh, scary, for some. But I think that the reality is that I've, I have changed. Uh, I'm still the same person that I was, I'm just a, an improved version, right?

I'm

Jason McConnell: There you go

Alex: by any means, by any means perfect now or, or, or whatnot, but I do feel that I'm different because my faith has gotten so much stronger than it was just a few years ago. I see things very differently. I react to things very differently, and it just, it has made a difference in, in almost anything that I do.

Um, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my wife, know, my habits, and it, it really is the pinnacle of personal development. That's

Jason McConnell: I love it

Alex: You're, you're looking for personal development, that's it. There, there's just no trick to it

Jason McConnell: Yeah, that's fair. I, I think it was Zig Ziglar, uh, speaking of another leadership icon. I think Zig Ziglar talked about a story about, uh, or he had a seminar on, on whether or not you respond to life or you react to life.

Alex: Correct

Jason McConnell: And then the idea is that if you have medication and it's working, you're responding to it, you know?

Uh, but if it's causing you more problems, then you're having a reaction to the medication, and that was how he, you know... It, it just, I don't know why that reminded me of that, but it sounds like

Alex: I, I, I think you're, you're, you're absolutely right. And, uh, this morning actually on the devotional it was talking about what's inside of you, it's what's gonna come out. And I, I think actually it was Zig Ziglar that also said this, right? He said, "If, if you're walking around with a cup of coffee and, and somebody bumps into you and you spill that coffee, why did you spill that coffee?" Most people will say, "Well, because somebody bumped into me." Uh, you know, or, "Because I wasn't looking," or, "I wasn't paying attention," or whatnot. He says, "No, you, you spilled coffee 'cause you had coffee."

Jason McConnell: Right

Alex: Whatever's inside of you is what's gonna come out. A- and if what you have inside of you i- is, is, uh, anger or stress or or whatever it is, if, if you're holding that inside of you, when somebody, you know, bumps into you, when your kid does something, your wife says something, or somebody cuts you off, that's what's gonna come out. And, and I think that's a, that's a, a good way of looking at things. Once you start carrying something better inside of you, at least for the majority of the day, obviously, you know, we're not robots. We're emotional, and one minute we're okay and another minute we're, we're not okay. But, the trick is to learn how to diffuse those moments when you're not okay bring yourself back to a better place, uh, internally and mentally and emotionally so that you can have a better day, then better

Jason McConnell: Yeah.

Alex: to better lives, right?

Jason McConnell: Yeah, absolutely. A- a- another one Zig Ziglar that stuck with me is, "If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."

Alex: I love that one. Oh, I'm gonna use that one.

Jason McConnell: I, sorry, got off on a track there.

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Jason McConnell: Uh, so n- I think you mentioned near the end of writing The Father's Forge, you, you hit a wall, and it wasn't because the words weren't there, but there was something worse than writer's block. Would you mind telling us about that?

Alex: Uh, yeah, so towards the very end, I, uh, I started having the self-doubt, the limiting beliefs that really made me question whether I should even finish the book, let alone publish it. started thinking to myself, you know... Well, it w- I don't think it was me. I think it was a devil talking to me and telling

Jason McConnell: Yes

Alex: "Nobody's gonna read that book," and, you know, y- you're not a perfect father. You know, y- why should you even be writing about fatherhood? And, and, and not in a, you know, not in a, in a challenging way, but more in a very defeating way, where it really made me question myself. And, and, and, and I think that really took me by surprise because, for the most part, in my entire life I've been an extremely confident person. You know? Uh, I've never been one to shy away from any challenge whatsoever. And yet writing this book, because it was a devotional and because it was about fatherhood, man, it really challenged me to the core. So much so that, I mean, there were mornings... 'Cause I wake up 4:30 in the morning to write. So 4:30, 5:30, i- in mornings are best for me.

That's, that's when I feel most creative. It would bring me to my knees, literally. Not figuratively speaking, but literally bring me down to my knees, crying. And, and, and I, I would put it away, of course. You know? I would, I would succumb to, to, that and just put it away and said, "You know what? I'm not gonna do this," and put it off for a week or two.

But then I'd, you know, I'd hear God telling me, "Nope. You gotta finish it. You gotta finish it." And, and here's the thing that, uh, that I don't think we talked about last time, but I kept hearing, "You've gotta finish it now. You've gotta finish it now. You've gotta finish it now." Right? And so some reason I gave myself, or God gave me, the deadline to finish it by the first quarter of the year, which was, you know, at the end of March. And, uh, and, and I, by the way, I failed. I didn't finish it till a little bit over that, right? But, but I kept feeling this urge to keep going, to keep going, to keep going. And, and I would ru- run into the same thing again, and, you know, n- nobody's gonna read it and who are you to be writing a book? And, and so I would put it down, but then I'd, you know, I'd start over again.

And, and, and it was just such a battle that it really started... I started questioning myself. I was like, "Why do I feel such a to finish it so quickly? Am, am, am I dying?" Like, I literally started thinking to myself. I was like, "Okay, God. Let's let's have a little conversation here. What's going on?" I was like... Um, I didn't understand it. I just knew that I had to finish it. I, luckily I, I finished it and published it by April 12th, so I was 12 days late. Uh, but I finished it, right? But I finished it. Um, now I feel that I, now I know the reason. Um, you know I, I, I didn't know it then, but my father was dying

Jason McConnell: Yeah

Alex: I didn't know it then. And I lost my father to cancer. Um, my, my oldest son, who's only 19 years old, um, is now a father to be. Um,

Jason McConnell: boy

Alex: by the way, the, the, the irony of things, right, was that, uh, I woke up one morning because I had been giving people my, my book out, and, and of course I didn't give one to him 'cause he wasn't a father yet.

But, uh, I had a dream that I needed to give that book to him. And so in the morning before he left to work and I said, "Hey son, I know you're not a father yet, but I just gotta give you this book, you know? And someday it's gonna help you. And I wrote it because of you and your brother, and, and I know this is prematurely, but I'm giving you this book." Well, that afternoon he found out he was gonna be a father.

Jason McConnell: Wow

Alex: So, you know, um, I mean, I think, uh, there was some divine intervention there for sure

Jason McConnell: Yeah, that's wild. Um, sorry, that threw me off.

Alex: Yeah.

Jason McConnell: story though.

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Jason McConnell: Um, so your, your whole mission seems to be, or maybe the, your primary mission seems to be reaching the man who's considers himself a Chri- Christian, but has basically gone quiet. No, no Bible, just kind of drifting. Um, if you were to meet him on the street, what was the first thing you would say to him?

Alex: Don't be afraid. Um, you know, I think that, religion could be a little scary, be quite honest. I, I, I think going to church could be a little scary. And I know that for those of you guys that go to church, and probably grew up going to church, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But for somebody that's never been to church or hardly ever goes to church, it's, it's a little scary.

You know? It's a little scary because, um, you feel that... Well, number one, it's kinda like going to the gym, right? You go to the gym for the first time, never worked out, y- you feel awkward. You, how do I act? What am I gonna do or, or whatnot? So I don't think it's very different than that. But also, like, I also think that there is a misconception that you're gonna be a completely different person and, and it's kinda scary if you like who you are, you don't wanna change, right?

It's like, I don't want somebody to change me, but I, I don't really think it's that way. I think we are, uh... Part of who we are i- i- is God-given, so, And, and the other part is, is forged through the decisions that we make, right? And so I think it's the missing piece, you know. Um, I really think that somebody that is dabbling with, "Should I read the Bible?

Should I go to church? Should I not?" You know, you're looking for something else. Don't overthink it, brother. Just pick up a Bible, start reading it, start having conversations. If you don't feel comfortable going to church just yet, then don't. Start reading the Bible. Start talking to God. You don't even need a Bible, just start talking to God himself a- and start listening more than anything, right?

Because we do a whole lot of talking, we do a whole lot of praying, but we don't do a whole lot of listening. and I think once you start listening to God, you, you, you're gonna see that He's always talking to us. I used to, I used to snicker about people that said, "Well, God told me this." I'm like, "Really?

Jason McConnell: Great

Alex: You talked to God? You're telling me you talked to God?" I used to, I used to laugh about stuff like that, but now I know that He does. It's just not in the, in the sense that we always think. Like, look, He didn't just show up knocking at my door, I open the door, and there He is, right? But, but He does communicate with us, and it's so clear when you're looking for it, and it's so clear when you're listening

Jason McConnell: Yeah, I think you nailed it there. Listening. I always-- I, I, I shouldn't say always, but I've come to recently tell people, you know, that are in distress or they need something or they have questions, I'm like, "Pray to God and then listen. Listen carefully." Because that's what we do. We s- we toss up a prayer, uh, and then walk away and just wait for Him to do something

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Alex: Uh, you know, and that's why I like doing my devotions in the morning. So really the, the prayer part of it is, is, uh, uh, sh- you know, read a, a Bible verse and then reflect on it and, and, uh, say a little prayer. But the majority of the time it's reflection. It's just literally just sitting in, out there. And what I like to do, I like to sit outside my back porch with my coffee in the morning and just, you know, at the birds and just, just listen.

Just like literally sit down and listen to what God is telling you. And, and,

Jason McConnell: Absolutely

Alex: you'll, you'll be surprised what you hear

Jason McConnell: Coffee with God, I love it.

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Jason McConnell: Um, okay, so what has fatherhood taught you about God?

Alex: Well, um, it, you know, somebody that's not a father may have a hard time understanding this, but there's almost nothing more important than your son or your daughter, right? And, and, and I guess, uh, what fatherhood has taught me that, well, loves us the same because He is our Father, right? And, and when you think of God dying on a cross for, for us, i- you're not a believer, you're like, "Why?

Why would anybody do that?" if you're a father, you understand it. You get it. There's no doubt in my mind that any father would do it. And so I, obviously I'm not comparing myself to God, but if us as humans, as mortals, we would be able to do anything for our kids, can you imagine God for us?

Jason McConnell: Yeah. That's a great answer.

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Jason McConnell: Um, wow. That's got something to think about. I thought about that question, and I'm like, it's... I mean, there's so much that you learn being a father. Um, you know, you, you learn God is going to, um, he's going to take care of you. May not be the way you expect. Not gonna keep you from harm, but he'll be there w- when things go wrong.

You know, he loves you. He's, he's gonna let consequences happen when you make bad decisions,

Alex: Yeah, absolutely. Look, the,

Jason McConnell: So

Alex: the similarities, I mean, it, it's exactly the same thing because it is the same thing. It, it looks like the same thing because it is the same thing, right? Um, why does God still love us even though we fail and we disobey and we sin? Tell me one thing that your daughter would do that would make you stop loving her

Jason McConnell: I, I can't think of anything.

Alex: You

Jason McConnell: at all

Alex: You can't, right? A- and so whenever you start putting yourself in that situation, you're like, "Well, okay, now I get it. I get why God still loves us even though we're sinners. I get it why, why God's still there for us even though we're disobedient and we mess up or, you know. I, I, I also get it why things don't always go my way," you know, because that's

Jason McConnell: Yeah

Alex: way it's supposed to be. Um, God knows better, just like Father knows best.

Jason McConnell: I have a friend who always says, "If you wanna hear God laugh, tell him about your plans."

Alex: Yeah, absolutely.

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Jason McConnell: But so Proverbs 22:6 tells us, "Start your chi- children off in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from you." Um, Deuteronomy 6 tells us that, that fathers should impress God's command on their children, taking-- talking about it at home, on the road, in the morning and at night.

So what do those passages look like in a real household with real chaos and real schedules, in your opinion?

Alex: Well, look, um, you, you, you can't hide who j- who you are, right? And so i- uh, in my book I talk about, how identity is partially is, is given and partially is, is forged, right? So part of it is, is what you're born with, your origins, you know, and, and the other part is the decisions that you make. So once you start living as a Christian, you don't even have to talk about it. It's gonna show. It's going to show. Obviously... By the way, when you start living like Christian, you do talk about it. You do talk about

Jason McConnell: Right

Alex: right?

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Alex: But, but what I'm saying is, is your kids will always learn more from what you do than from what you say. Simple as that, you know? And I think that's not a secret.

Everybody knows that your kids are not gonna do what you tell them. They're gonna do what they see. Um, and, and it's very simple. If you want your kids to grow up with principles, you have to become a man of principles, and you have to live by those principles. That's why I created that, uh, or those two devotionals, one for fathers and, and one for sons, I didn't want to write a book that just gives out information.

I'm an information junkie, and I'm very nerdy and, and can get into this theory and that theory, but what really matters is action, the action behind that knowledge that you have. And so my devotionals were meant to just give person a daily guide. Just read that on a daily basis, and default you're going to be becoming that person.

You're going to be acting what you're supposed to be teaching. And

Jason McConnell: I love it

Alex: start acting that way, forget about how good of a teacher you are. They're gonna get it. They're gonna pick it up

Jason McConnell: Coming from a teacher, I love it.

Alex: teacher, right?

[: 00:33:20

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Jason McConnell: So good segue, let's talk about the book. Um, when a father opens up "A Father's Forged" on day one, what is he gonna be looking at and what, what is the devotion gonna be asking him to do?

Alex: Um, my hope is that it, it's a reflection of, um, them talking to themselves. So my book is, is really me talking to me. Um, when I started writing A Father's Forge, it was basically grabbing everything that I've learned from books, religion, my father, myself, my own thoughts, and put it into something that my kids could actually read and learn, right? Um, and, and then I would scratch things off because I was like, "No, this doesn't make sense. This doesn't make sense," and, and, or, "This conflicts with this," and you know, and, uh, "I'm contradicting myself," and whatnot, right? And so A Father's Forge is daily lessons, but each daily lesson is connected to a Bible verse.

Now, I'm not explaining the Bible verse itself, and, y- you know, but I want everybody to understand that those principles are biblical principles. They're not coming from me. I'm not the standard, by the way. That's the first thing I wanna tell people. I wrote a, a book on fatherhood, but I'm not the standard, just so you know, right? Um, I think I'm a great father. Um, and I have a great relationship with my kids, with my wife. I had a great relationship with my father. Um, so I don't feel that I don't have the credentials. I feel I do have the credentials, I can also tell you that I'm by far a, not a perfect man. I am just as much of a sinner as most people are and, and I don't want people to pick up that book and say, "Well, let me see.

Let me take a look at what this guy's done and see if I should follow him." Look, you're not following me. Don't follow me. Follow God. Follow Jesus, and if it's not my book, then read another one. But,

Jason McConnell: Right?

Alex: read something that is, uh, that is founded on biblical principles. So

Jason McConnell: Это цеварест

Alex: book, that's, that's what it is.

E- each day is, is a lesson based on a biblical principle.

Jason McConnell: Awesome. Yeah, that's so honest. And it doesn't come from me. Get it somewhere.

Alex: Get it somewhere right. Yeah

[: 00:35:56

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Jason McConnell: So the book is built around six pillars, I mentioned in the intro: identity, discipline, character, strength, leadership, and legacy. And in, I think it's specifically in that order. Is that right? So, so why those, why that sequence? I mean, how do we pro-pro- how does the progress go through those, uh, walking as a father?

Alex: Sure. Let me, uh, and I, and, and I'm glad that you, you mentioned the sequence because it is important. One of the first questions that I got asked from somebody, he's like, "Well, there's no dates on this." I'm like, "What do you mean?" I was like, I knew what he meant. I was like, most devotionals, uh, has, has the dates, right?

April 1st, April 2nd, and so forth. And I said, "Well, I specifically left out the dates because I don't want you to pick up my book and say, 'Well, today is August 15th. Let's start with August 15th.'" No, you have to start with day one. So, uh, the, the first, uh, A Father's Forge, it's the first 90 days, uh, and in Forged Sons it's the first 20 days. So everything starts with identity. And, and, uh, and then identity is the first one. Second one is going to be discipline. The idea is that identity drives behavior, and I can make that argument from a biblical standpoint, which even in Genesis, God, you know, created Adam and Eve in His own image. He gave them an identity before He even gave them any rules or, or tasks to do. so I do believe that identity should be the first pillar that we attack. It is extremely important that we know who we are, because our identity becomes the, that internal lens through which we interpret life. And that drives our belief system, our beliefs about the world, and our beliefs about ourselves. Our beliefs drive our decision-making, which is, you know, of course your discipline. And then repeated actions become your habits. And then of course your habits become your character,

Jason McConnell: Yep

Alex: so in my personal opinion, and we-- I love leadership books, and I consider myself a leadership, uh, coach, and, you know, I, I recently launched, uh, an official youth leadership academy here locally. Um, I've been doing it for, for, for, for a while now, but not officially. But I, I preach identity first because I believe that that's the foundation. That's the starting point where everybody should begin. Because the most important thing that we can teach ourselves and our kids is how to make better decisions. I believe that the number one driving force that determines the course of our lives is the decisions that we, we make. God doesn't force us to do things, and that's what we sometimes fail as parents, 'cause we want to force our kids to be a certain way. But that's why God gave us free will. He gave us principles.

He gives us rules and regulations, but He gave us free will to make choices.

Jason McConnell: Yeah, if you ever wanted a good example of a free will, try, try convincing a toddler to do something they don't want.

Alex: Absolutely right. Uh, so yeah, so first is identity. Identity drives your behavior, which is your discipline. then your discipline, repeated, actions become your character. And then y- y- you only have character when your, your belief system, your identity, and your discipline, your actions match. Once those two match, then you actually have character. After character, enough time, you start building strength, right? Because you d- you do need to develop that strength. Doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, whether you're young, you're old, whether you've been a Christian your entire life or just new, you're gonna be tested.

Life is going to test you, right? And so we have to develop that strength stay strong under pressure. In my personal opinion, once a person has a good sense of identity, once he's established good discipline, repeated actions, he develops that character, then he develops that strength. he's ready to lead somebody else, right?

And so... And I'm saying that because I mentioned earlier that even I consider myself a leadership coach, and everybody wants to talk about leadership, and, and leadership is extremely important, but I think it, it's further down the line. First, you gotta lead yourself. And I know that's part of leadership, leading yourself, but you, you're never going to be ready to lead others you've developed those other four, uh, foundations, right?

And then after leadership is legacy.

[: 00:40:51

---

Alex: The last one, which is, of course, it's... Legacy is not what you see on social media right now. Everybody wants to talk about, you know, how much money I made and what cars I drive or whatnot. That's not legacy. Legacy is not about what you've built, but who you've built.

Like who have you impacted, you know? Just recently at, at, at my father's funeral, I was talking about his legacy. His legacy is, is the things that are gonna continue because of him.

Jason McConnell: Yeah.

Alex: That's

Jason McConnell: I love that

Alex: or not. He's gone now, but we s- but what continues because of him is the closeness of the family, the Sunday gatherings.

We're getting ready again tomorrow. We're gonna be making menudo. We're gonna get together at my mom's house, and, everybody comes over, my brothers and everybody comes over. And so it is extremely important, for me and for my family to continue that legacy. Uh, but he makes it very easy for us because he did it our entire lives.

And so now that he's gone, it continues. That's real legacy

Jason McConnell: I, I look at legacy, you can tell me think about this. I look at legacy as taking that leadership and, and the people you're leading, and you're leading them into identity, discipline, character, and strength

Alex: that. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, a- a- and, and I'm glad you're saying that because it is cyclical, right? And so even my framework, I, you know, I kinda, you know, it's kinda looks linear, but, but it's not, right? Because identity drives your behavior, your behavior drives your decisions, which is your actions, but your repeated actions reinforce your identity, right? So it is, it is cyclical. Yeah

Jason McConnell: Yeah, I can imagine. You, you don't just get to through character, strength, leadership, and you're done. No, you gotta keep, you gotta maintain it.

Alex: yeah, absolutely.

[: 00:42:42

---

Jason McConnell: So Forged Sons. So this, I love this idea of having something for young men stepping out into their world. Um, tell us a little bit about that book. Who's it for? I mean, what age would you recommend giving it to, to a young man?

Alex: So Forged Sons is, uh, I, I think it works best for college students really. First, and first-year college students. Um, I wrote it for my sons. Um, m- my, my youngest son, I just dropped him off, uh, last week, or my wife and I, we just dropped him off last week in, in Missouri. And, you know, we're in South Texas, so we're 18, 19 hours away from that, right?

And so, um, this is the time of year where all the parents are dropping off their kids, and it is just a rite of passage that is, that is extremely beautiful and extremely rewarding, uh, but also painful. You know, if we can be about it, it is painful. It's, it- it's the end of an era that we no longer have them at home. Uh, they're somewhere else. They're... You know, this is, this is the test, right? Like, th- this is where, where everything that we've taught them, okay, you know, did I do enough, right? And so I, I

Jason McConnell: Ja

Alex: that book as, as a way, as a reminder. Um, I remember my college days. You know, I left to the University of Houston, and for the first time I'm in a big city, and I'm in awe and I'm in shock and I'm like, "Wow, this is amazing," right?

And so you start falling into that trap that is new, this is bigger, faster, better, and you start thinking that everything that you're seeing or experiencing is better than what you had back at home or better than Oh, my parents

Jason McConnell: Yep

Alex: What are they talking about? This makes more sense, and so forth, right?

And so I wanted to find a way, uh, that they could continue, help them with that strength. This is where they're gonna be tested. They're on their own. Freedom is going to expose your kids. It's gonna

expose how strong or how weak they are. And, and I wanted to give them a, a little bit of help, you know? And, and, uh, if he's reading that devotional and he says that he is uh, if he's reading that devotional, it's really going to help him anchor down his belief system. Um, a- and also make him feel like, "You know what? Mom and Dad are still here," you know? "Mom and Dad are for me, uh, are with me." And, and, I hope that, that a lot of students pick up that book so that it can help them, because I know how scary going to college can be. I know it's fun, I know it's exciting, but I also know that it's a scary time.

Jason McConnell: Yeah, absolutely. It's, it's funny, I, I...

Alex: head for kids, right?

Jason McConnell: Right? I, I, um, lead a class at my church for preteens, you know, fourth, fifth grade kids, and I ran across some statistics that just astounded me, that children raised in a Christian home, after high school graduation, 50% of them walk away from the faith. And another, um, research showed that it takes...

It's a five-to-one ratio. You need five adults helping these teenagers lead them into their future to keep them in the church, to keep them committed to Jesus. And I'm just like, "Wow, that's, that's a big job."

Alex: Yeah, a- and it's scary. I mean, you know, me it's scary. It's scary for me to think that, wow, you know, um, I don't know who's gonna be in his ears now, right?

Jason McConnell: Yeah

[: 00:46:30

---

Alex: there's, uh, there's six forces that are always fighting for your identity. Six forces. And if you're not aware of them, then they're going to influence you one way or another.

Now, these are forces that influence who we are, but we have the power, 'cause we have the power to choose, right? Um, but I also think it's very important for parents and, and, and students to understand, uh, the first one is your, you know, your origins, right? Like who, who you're born, uh, the family that you're born into, your socioeconomic status.

So, the idea that, well, because I'm First generation to go to college, then maybe I don't have what it takes, or I don't come from a rich family, then, you know, maybe I wasn't meant to be successful. Um, there's a, a whole lot of different things, right? But the other one is performance, and performance is a big one. You know, kids in, in high school, if they perform well in, in something like football or anything, then that means that they're worth something. And if they're not performing well, that means that they're not worth something. And,

Jason McConnell: Yep

Alex: and those are fake, you know? Per- y- you cannot base your identity based on performance because your performance is gonna, you know, have peaks and valleys.

That's just the way it is , you know? A- and our, and our value doesn't. You know, we're, we're as valuable right now as the day that we were complete sinners, right? And, and I know for some people it doesn't really make sense, but ask God, ask, ask a parent, you know? Uh, just because your kid messes up doesn't mean they change in value.

Jason McConnell: Great

Alex: you know? Um, a- and, and there's a lot of other ones, right? Like, like culture, you know. Culture's a big one, and so really depending on what school they land in, what state and what city, it's, it's a different culture. So that's also going to be, fighting for our, for their identity and of course their purpose.

They're trying to figure out their purpose. And, and that's why I always like to start with identity because even in high school... And, and by the way, who... You know, when you're asking me who's this book for, well, this one was specifically written for college students and... But just so you know, Forts... Fathers and Forts, or, or, uh, Fathers Forts, sorry, and Fort Sons, it's the same book basically.

It's the same principles. They're, they all fall under the same, uh, six, uh, pillars, right? It's the same ones. It's just taught differently. That's something I learned as a teacher. It's called differentiated instruction. The way I teach identity to, to Jason, it would be a different way that I would teach it to Jason's daughter,

Jason McConnell: Yeah, that makes sense

Alex: And so when a father picks up, you know, a Father's Forge, he's gonna get it. But if a kid picks it up, they're not gonna get it.

Jason McConnell: That's fair

Alex: you know, Fort Sons because it makes sense, right? I'm, I'm even talking about, you know, for example, you're on your own. Nobody's telling you to wake up for, for a class and whatnot.

So I am in the process of rewriting that book for high school students and middle c- mi- uh, middle school students also and eventually elementary

Jason McConnell: I look forward to that. So, um, so let's plug you. Uh, if somebody wanted to connect with you, uh, bring you in to speak or to work with you through Real You Consulting, what's the best way to get ahold of you?

Alex: Well, um, they can go to my website and check it out first. All the, all the contact information is on there. My website is alexlopezofficial.com, right? Uh, there's so many Alex Lopezs in the world.

Jason McConnell: But you're the official one

Alex: the official. I'm not trying to make myself sound important or anything like that, but a- AlexLopez.com wasn't taken, right?

So it's alexlopezofficial.com. if they go to that website, they can learn about my books, about m- me, and of course, contact information, book a call, and all that

Jason McConnell: Awesome. So if you're listening and what you heard today resonates with you, Fathered Forged, uh, his books are on Amazon right now. Um, if you've got a son heading to college or stepping out into the world for the first time, pick up Forged Sons as well. Uh, Alex also works with fathers and leaders through his Real You Consulting, so I'll make sure the website and everything's in the show notes.

So if you didn't catch that, just go to the notes or description and click the links. It's easy. I make it easy on everyone. Uh, you can find more at his website, as he mentioned, so definitely go there and check things out. Alex, this has been a blast. Thank you for being here and the work that you're doing.

[: 00:51:04

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Jason McConnell: Do you have any final words for the listeners?

Alex: Well, uh, first of all, I wanna say thank you for having me here, and, and I think that the work you're doing is just phenomenal. Um, I think just

Jason McConnell: Thank you

Alex: people together and sharing their message is such a huge, huge, um, benefit for all your listeners and for everybody out there. And so what I would tell anybody is this: you're looking to improve your lifestyle, your, your marriage, or your relationship with your kids, uh, any area of your life that you want to improve, start with yourself, right?

I, I really think that you need to work on yourself before you work on anything else. A- and people always ask me, you know, uh, any book recommendations? First one, definitely the Bible. I, I never... I, I always used to throw out books like, well, you know, Think and Grow Rich,

Jason McConnell: Right?

Alex: uh, which is great books, right? Um, John Maxwell has, uh, so many books, uh, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, and, a- and all those books.

Th- those are all great. Pick 'em up. There's just so many books, but the first one you should pick up is the Bible, or pick up a devotional. Uh, if you wanna start small like me and get a glo- like the g- uh, an app like the Bible app, Glorify app, something like that makes it very simple. Um, but the key's gonna be consistency

Jason McConnell: I love that. That image of wisdom diluting from one generation to the next, of fathers passing on less than they received simply because nobody ever gave them a system. That's, I mean, that's gonna stick with me. And the fact that you built something to kind of break that cycle, one page at a time, rooted in scripture, that's the kind of resources that fathers need right now, es- especially for sons.

Um, to everyone listening, Fathers Forge, Forge Sons, both on Amazon. Go find them. Um, one page a day is all it takes to start building something that your sons will carry. Connect with Alex and find out more about his coaching and workshops if you're interested in that. And until next time, keep loving your neighbors, dive into God's Word daily.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and fill you with His peace. Take care. God bless. I'll see you the next episode.

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