Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the concept of gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation. They explore examples of gaslighting in relationships and the detrimental effects it can have on individuals. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and avoiding gaslighting, as well as the need for honesty and communication in relationships. The conversation also touches on gaslighting in the workplace and personal experiences with manipulation. They discuss the history and popularity of the term 'gaslighting' and caution against the overuse and self-diagnosis of gaslighting. The conversation concludes with the importance of recognizing manipulation and moving on from toxic relationships. In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the importance of moving on from toxic people and surrounding oneself with better individuals. They emphasize the need to hold higher standards and not tolerate negative behavior. They also talk about the importance of self-love and taking care of one's own heart before giving love to others. Additionally, they touch on the future of podcasting and the possibility of video podcasts on platforms like YouTube. The main takeaway from this conversation is to not settle for less and to prioritize one's own well-being.

Explicit

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And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina? It is a good day today. The things that happen. Yeah. I mean, I have a day off, but it's not if I had to call in sick today. So, but it's not a bad day. And there was a joke right before we went on. So it's just as funny. I was almost couldn't get the time. I couldn't actually couldn't get through the beginning. So.

I'm good, Rob. This is a good day today. And it is. Having a day off is not a bad day.

Hehehe

Hehehe

Um, anyway, how are you doing?

I'm good. I'm good. Today. Today is my like Friday.

Nice.

Oh, very nice. Very, very nice. And it's cool out. It's cooler.

It is cool out. Yeah, I heard it was raining, but it wasn't raining here.

Yeah, it was raining for me this morning. Very bizarre. I woke up and was like, what the hell? I keep looking at my app. I was like

Yeah. After

what's going on. After this I'm going out with a friend and I'm going to take my trike. So I'm excited today is a good day.

going on.

Yeah, and it looks like you're gonna get sun if you don't already have it.

Mm-hmm.

We have it. Highest 74 today. It's like beautiful.

So over here, it's only supposed to be 68. And it says mostly cloudy, but it says we're supposed to get sun. So that's kind of nice. Alrighty. Anyway, make sure to check out our socials and listen to this podcast wherever you can, Apple, Spotify, and all that fun stuff. Then check us out on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and all that good stuff. I came up with an idea because of some things of some people that are close to me.

Mmm.

Right on.

were happening to them. And the word gaslighting came up and I was like, oh, gaslighting, I've heard that before because lots of people have been using that word as of late. But I'll give you, it comes up probably more than it should, unfortunately.

Yeah.

comes up a lot.

Mm-hmm, and I think people instead of dealing with what's really going on They like to throw things back and then call people gaslighters. So

I think it's probably a little both. I think it's probably happening more mostly when you read the definition and I Kind of took it and was like, oh, yeah, cuz this person that's close to me It happened to him and I kind of thought it was gaslighting in a way So it says gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to show self-doubt and confusion in their victims minds

Yeah.

Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over another person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

Mmm.

which, yeah, I can totally see that happening in relationships. I know before we went on, I said that the word gaslighting these days is, you know, even used in like that the media gaslights us. And by that definition, I can totally see how that is true by only running certain stories or making sure that

Mm-hmm.

this angle is being done, it's easy to see how anyone can be a gaslighter really, you know what I mean? Where obviously in relationships is where you generally hear that word being used. It happened to someone I know very close to me where he was talking to this person for a long period of time, and I'm talking like months. And really...

Mm-hmm.

Every time something came up, like, oh, let's meet, there was always an excuse and there was always something else. In this case, it was really weird because there was no, I don't see the reason for the manipulation. It's not like he was sending her money or getting her things because in this case, I know for a fact that wasn't happening because the person just doesn't have a lot of money. So there was no none of that going on.

It was this more psychological manipulation. I just don't know for what reason, because in the end, it was just like, they made all these big plans, and then the day before she flaked on him and was like, oh, blah, and it's your fault, and then blocked him on everything. So either she was using this to gain something later on and was hoping that it would roll quicker, or...

It was just somebody, you know, using whatever they wanted to do for fun. But this person that I know, literally, it was like water on a duck's back. I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it was. And he was like, whatever. And like literally moved on and was like, you know, life happens and what it is. And another friend of his came to town this past weekend and.

He had a good time with her. So I think a lot of it seems to be that, obviously it's how you take it and obviously this wasn't a serious relationship.

So, but in a serious relationship, I can see how it could be very detrimental and psychologically frustrating.

Well, anytime there's any manipulation, that of course that doesn't leave a positive outcome for any relationship. You have to be honest and you have to be real with a person in order for things to go anywhere. So anybody that's gaslighting is basically breaking down the foundation they should be building up.

Mm-hmm. And I can see where, at least from multiple other friends of mine that have used the word either recently or in the past, it's...

It's usually, obviously, in some kind of power struggle. My Vegas friend, you know, her ex-husband would psychologically manipulate her at will. Like I said, like she was kind of a she was heavy in high school, but like really broke her down to this thing that she was tiny one last time I saw her and.

Mm-hmm.

In her head, she's not anymore because he's ruined her. He just makes her think that she's like, oh, he's too heavy and always broke down the oh, you know, who's going to want you here? You're 40 and have two kids, you know, that to me, that's super gaslighting. That's just using these horrible things against you to gain power and.

And I've seen it with other friends recently where, and I hate to say it, and maybe it's just me because of how I've seen it, but it's mostly guys that do this.

It's like this, I mean, it's a power struggle and these guys are using these things saying, oh, well, it's all in your head. And it's, and you know, maybe it's just you and things aren't really that bad. And then I hear the flip side of it and what these guys are doing. And I'm like, I don't know. Like they sound like horrible human beings. And I think that's another big thing is.

where you've been manipulated so long that you believe it and it's and it you have to question it with other people you know what i mean you're taking it to your friends and you're going you know he's doing this and this and

Mm-hmm.

I don't really know that I've ever dealt with somebody like that because if I don't get a good read on somebody or if I feel like they're just doing things that aren't right, I don't go any further with them. So everybody's talked about gaslighting, I'm like, I don't really know that I've had much of that in my life because the second I don't feel good about a person, I don't hang out with them.

Mm-hmm.

Right, I think a lot of this, at least from what I've seen through people, is that the gaslighting doesn't start right away. It's generally later on in the relationship when you're in it, and I hate to say stuck, because I don't think that's always what it is. My married friend, I think, was stuck. She was in it.

a long time and probably, you know, had a kid with this guy already. And, you know, probably seven, eight years into their relationship, he really kind of started. Pushing and this guy also had his own issues. He had a gambling problem. And I think what he did was manipulate her to keep his issues going.

Mmm.

you know, she'd go, you know, oh, we don't have money to pay this, this and this. And then he'd, you know, try to manipulate her to, you know, what do you, where else are you going to go if it's not for me? And then he would keep doing his nonsense. Um, everyone that I've known that has had this kind of manipulation is generally later on in the relationship. I haven't seen it because I think kind of like you, if I started seeing that shit early, I'd, you know,

Mm-hmm.

that I usually try to take a parachute on an airplane now. You know what I mean? Like when it comes to a relationship, I was just telling my kid the other day about it, like when you start getting into these heavy relationships, you have to have an out. And you should, but.

Hehehe

Of course, but should the relationship be all that heavy? I mean

No, but I think every person should think that way. You know, look, don't get stuck in a financial relationship that you're staying with somebody because you can't afford to leave. And these days, that's a huge thing. So you can gaslight that. You know, you can go to somebody and go, where are you gonna go? You can't live on your own. You can't move. You can't do this. I've kind of told myself and I've...

done my best to do it now, that I will always have enough money to get out of a relationship. I will keep enough money in my bank that I can go. See you later, and I'll get an apartment tomorrow.

Yeah, see, I didn't do that being married and when I decided to leave was during COVID. I didn't even have a job to go to and yet it didn't stop me. I just don't when I'm done, I'm done. When people don't treat me good, I don't stick around because I know the difference between being treated well and being poorly treated. So to me, it's like people are waiting too damn long if this could happen to them.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I agree. I think a lot of these type of people though, these manipulators, and I won't say that it's just men, because I don't think that's a fair assessment. I think their manipulation is probably to stay in something that's really good.

Oh no, women are master manipulators, so I'm sure it comes that way too.

You know what I mean? Maybe when a guy is thinking that he wants to get away out, they start manipulating them in different directions. Maybe it's the same on both sides. I shouldn't say that because I think a lot of it is probably that. I think with these things start happening later. Or they happen to people who are...

What's a good way of putting it? I don't want to say Socially weak because I don't think that's what I mean, but people who have don't have really good self-confidence so Men jump on that quick Right, so they'll start manipulating someone who might not have the greatest confidence in the world Because and then they lay that kind of shit on them where who's gonna want you, you know I'm gonna take care of you, you know

Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

I'm the one who's always helping, something to that nature. I've seen that with friends' relationships too, where they use the... If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd do it. And again, that's the most manipulative thing ever. Well...

That's the whole point of being in a relationship is that you're supposed to be partners, right? There should always be a partnership in either of that. And that's where gaslighting should be turned off fairly quickly. At least that's how I would see it. If someone started saying, well, you know, I do this more and be like, okay, well, you know, if you want to play tit for tat, then gaslighting should never happen because

Mm-hmm.

You know, they, like they say, you shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house. And, um, I would rather get that shit out of the way quick. Um, but I can see how easy people can be manipulated. Unfortunately, you when, once you get to the point where they have you thinking it's your fault. There's the, it's so hard to go backwards.

Mm-hmm.

because then you start questioning yourself. It's like, am I doing this? Maybe they're right. Maybe I am washed up because I'm 40 and have two kids and really who is gonna want me? And do you know what I mean? Where it's so easy to fall into a trap, at least I think.

Mm-hmm.

You know, because you're, you just don't know. Even if your close friends are telling you like, this is bonkers and you know, this and that, when the person that's in the same house as you is pouring it on, you know, or to the point where like, they're just giving you a small bit of it every day.

It's like microdosing, you know what I mean? To the point where you do question that shit and that's crazy. And my friend in Vegas, I always used to tell her because she was really pretty and her confidence level was complete shit. If you told her she was pretty, she'd be like, ah, no, no.

Mm-hmm

Does she have a dad around?

Oh yeah, mom and dad. Oh yeah, like very, very close family. But yeah, and, and it was wild to watch. But again, I think that this guy just made her feel, you know, so shitty about herself that

Really?

Wow.

You know that again she believed it she looked in the mirror and saw exactly what he said Even though everyone around her saw her for who she was and It was it was hard for me because like I've known her since grade school she went to school with me in junior high when does our high school and it was It was very hard to see this person that

Mm-hmm.

when she was young, even though she was a little heavier, she had this totally different attitude and this totally big smile. So somewhere in there, she was broken. And I haven't talked to her.

Seriously in a few years where like I was just checking in like I'll check in and say hi just make sure she's you know alive and kicking and doing alright and Lo and behold like I think two or three years ago. Maybe I Text her say hey, what's going on? Just checking it on you. Make sure you're okay, and she was like, oh, yeah I'm divorced now and he's finally gone Finally, yeah But it took it took him cheating on her to do it

Did she do that? Good.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, but freedom's freedom and I think that there's something to that as well. You know, I like to use the Shawshank analogy, you know, the end of that movie where he crawls through that pipe full of human waste and he falls into that, you know, big, the end, it's like water and he gets out and he's clean.

And there is something to that analogy that sometimes you've got to crawl through 200 yards of shit to get clean on the other side. And unfortunately for her, it took about...

Mm-hmm.

Oh, 17 years of marriage. Yeah, and I think they were together before that. So I would say 20 something years. So, you know, it's just, it's just kind of sad to see that the word, I mean, this definition has a word in the dictionary.

Jeeze-o-weeze-o.

because it probably happens more often than not. And I hear it a lot, you know.

Mm-hmm.

a lot. I don't, to be honest with you, until today I never really knew what it meant because I, you hear it thrown around and I'm like, it's just another term for people not taking responsibility for their own shit. And I just kept moving. You know, it was like gaslighting doesn't affect me. Let's just keep on rolling by that.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but I think we can all be gaslit in different ways. Like your boss could gaslight you. Anyone can do it. I think the, where when we generally hear it, obviously is in relationships because I think that's where more manipulation and places that you can start questioning your self doubt, where you're like, oh, maybe I am doing this stuff.

Mm-hmm.

And I've seen that also in the workplace, not with me, but with other people that management will gaslight people to think like, hey, maybe you're not doing this well, or you're doing this, and to try to move them in a different direction or make them quit or some other things.

Mm-hmm.

So I think that, you know, self-doubt's kind of a hard thing because we all have a little bit of it. And when someone jumps on it, it's worse.

Hmm

Well, I had a friend who was getting her hair done with me on a regular basis all the time. I couldn't get her to take care of her hair as in like brush it when you get out of the shower and style it and do things to it. And she ended up believing me. She said because she needed she needed somebody that was going to, you know, do these things for her. And I was like, well, you should go and find that person because it's not going to be any better with anybody else.

You know, you're the one that's not doing what you need to. But it was always like it was never good enough. I never did her hair right. There was always something to... And even the shit that I told her, just plain don't do this to your hair because it's going to look horrible. And she would do it. And...

You know, because she left, you always wonder what, what did I do wrong? But I was like, whoa, wait a minute. She doesn't even comb her hair. Fuck that. It's not your fault and move on. And, and that's exactly what I did. I didn't give it more than maybe two minutes of my time. So that.

I mean, that sort of thing has happened to me in the past. But again, people are so messed up, they will always take it out on their hair or they'll take it out on the way they dress. Like they'll if they don't have a good self-esteem, they start getting real dark with their clothing and stay really covered up and do these things. So if you see all that, those are all signs that, you know, maybe you shouldn't be taking everything they say into consideration. I mean, that's what it shows me.

I'm like, great, I didn't do your hair right. You should get another hairdresser by all means. And it killed our friendship. I mean, I don't normally reach out to her. I don't have anything against her, but I don't normally reach out to her because, you know, I'd rather stay with more positive inner circle people that I've built relationships with, but that's, you know, her gaslighting didn't go very far, and that's how people should treat this. Like, it shouldn't go very far.

Yeah, I agree. I think that you should start, you know, as soon as you feel like you're being manipulated, you should start questioning things as you know, as much as you can without burning a bridge or hurting a relationship, or, or really just kind of cut it off at the pass. With this person I was telling you about where, you know, he kept talking to this person in my head because he was telling me things.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

and you know my carny wrestler you're getting worked radar went into like i was like you know like look i've been around people where it was hard to see them for whatever reason right there was there was legitimate reasons why i couldn't see somebody but this person would if they could would always see me

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So I knew that they were real and I knew, you know, what it was is what it was. This one was just like, oh, she can't do it this time because of her sister. She's going to the doctor, she's helping her mom. It got to a point where I was like, dude, this is a little sketchy. Like, it just seems too...

easy to make an excuse for somebody that you talk to every single day.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, if you're talking to somebody every single day, you should be getting to know them. They should be sharing things not Not trying to make you feel weird. They should be getting to know you should be getting to know them And that should be the only thing that's really on the itinerary

Yeah.

And this person probably, well says, we don't even know if she legitimately lived there, but let's say she lived about 30 minutes from here. So 30 minutes, everyone has a car. Yeah, yeah, I mean, well yeah, you remember you dated somebody out here. So, I mean, and that says a lot, right? So you are willing to drive.

Hmm.

Even closer than me and I've been out there.

a good amount of time, this person didn't wanna see each other at any time. And I was like, not even for lunch, not even for like anything. So I thought it was a little sketchy and even he said something to me and he was like, well, after this, you know.

Mm-hmm.

And it's, it's over. Yeah. That's funny because you said even when we were dating, I'd go out there and, and we would go to lunch. I would go there just for a couple hours to see him on a break from work and then, you know, come or go and do whatever shopping they needed to do out there before I came back, just cause it was a different place to shop. And yeah, you do make, you do make concessions and you do find ways when you like somebody to, to spend time with them, not, not keep putting them off. Like.

Mm-hmm.

Not a million excuses. You know? Yeah. So like, yeah, cause I mean, I would go see someone, I'd drive two hours to see him for maybe a half an hour. So yeah. I mean, look, when you wanna spend time, when you wanna spend time with somebody, you find either a good reason to, or you find the time on top of that. So I just find it.

Mm-mm. Not even five. Ha ha ha.

You do what you gotta do.

Mm-hmm

you know, sad that so many people are being manipulated, you know, in society.

Well, and why do people want to manipulate other people? Like, what's the power gain in that? It doesn't make sense to me.

That's what I mean. I think the flip side of that, like, no one wants to be manipulated. But what drives somebody to do that? And, and I'm sure that there's, you know, obviously psychological issues with the people who are doing it, for whatever reason they're doing it. Not that it makes it okay. Because that's it definitely doesn't.

Mm-mm.

for sure.

But there's something wired different in someone who probably has done this before and they're gonna continue to do it. Like my friend in Vegas, there's no way that her ex-husband isn't doing this to the next person. Because it's like embedded in him, right? And I think that there's something to that. You can't...

Right.

People only change when they want to, right? You can be poked and prodded in saying, you're not doing this and I need you to be better. And unless you want to, you won't. It happened with me, even in my marriage. We didn't fight a lot, so.

Absolutely.

but things came up and I probably didn't change when I should have and near the end of my relationship, I did and I think that made it worse. So I ended up being, I ended up getting the, oh, now you're doing it. And yeah, which look, I think, look, in my relationship,

Oh, so you couldn't win either way. See, that's bullshit too.

with my ex-wife, years later I found out other things. So there was no fixing it. She didn't want me to change. You know what I mean? Like that didn't, so in, right. So it really didn't matter in my case, but I changed for me. So I think, I wasn't trying to change for her. I was trying to change to me.

That wasn't the end result she was looking for.

for me to be a better person, whether if it was gonna be with her or whoever I would be with next. You know, you have to want to be different.

If you don't, you're going to continue to get gaslit or you're going to continue to gaslight. You have to want to be a better person and do different things. I left my relationship going, okay, I've said it on here before and it's probably been a long time, but my whole thing going into any relationship is you have to dance, whatever the dance is. If...

Mm-hmm.

my ex-wife liked to go out and dance and I never went because I didn't like that kind of shit, but I lost out because I should have just went because she went to everything that I did and I was selfish. I was young and I think you know I didn't see the writing on the wall that like you have to be a partnership you have to do things together and you have to understand

Hmm

change is for you, not for your partner. And I've seen it with other people, like these guys don't wanna change because they feel better manipulating people and gaining control. It's kind of like letting your significant other go out by themselves. I don't think you should make a habit of it.

Right? Like a girls night out is great, but it shouldn't be a girls night out every weekend. I think that there's something to, I know, if you're in a relationship, be in one. And if you don't want to be in one, don't be in one and go out and have girls nights out every weekend. But I also think the flip side of that is you have to let your mate have those. They're important.

to be able to say, hey, I'm going to go out with the girls and you're going to have a good time. And you shouldn't have your thumb on either side. If your man wants to go to watch the game with his friends on a Sunday, it's OK. Let him do it.

I mean, unless obviously you're both into that kind of thing and you should go as a couple, there's nothing wrong with that. But sometimes you're going to end up doing things separate because it still keeps a healthy relationship.

Absolutely.

But you shouldn't be gaslit when you come home from that. And I think that's the other thing too. You know, you end up getting the people who go, oh, you know, all you wanna do is spend time with your friends and you don't wanna do this and blah, blah. And the next thing you know, you start believing like, maybe I just shouldn't hang out with my friends anymore. My, you know, and that's another form of gaslighting where it's...

Yeah.

It's so manipulative to think like you shouldn't look at all these guys that end up doing that shit where Their girlfriends haven't seen their family Like anyone parents kids nothing they'd like literally lock people in a box and That is the most unhealthiest shit that I've ever heard like and maybe just cuz I would be like no I'm leaving I don't care

Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, I think from the female side, though, is that there's so much physical violence that ends up through that. You know, they end up, you know, getting beating up their girlfriend or some shit, and then they'll never go anywhere because they know that that's the next thing that'll happen. And it's sad that that's another form of gaslighting. Just from a physical standpoint, you only have to do it one time and then you start.

putting people in check and manipulating them that direction. I don't know, I wish that there was a way of...

Mm-hmm.

I guess stopping it. I mean, this has been going on for centuries. It just has a name now. I was talking to my kid and he goes, it took my generation to name psychological manipulation. And I was like, I guess that's a good point. Although I don't.

All right, all of a sudden.

And how did you do that not having any real friends?

Yeah, I wonder where the name came from though. That's, I wonder what, let's see. Term definition, meaning, gaslighting, word, origin.

Mmm.

I don't know. I'm not a big fan of manipulating anybody into doing anything. If they don't want to do it with me, I don't do it with them. That's the way it goes. Like I invite...

You know, my friends will say, how can you be friends with so and so when she never goes out and does anything with you and she doesn't answer your calls back and yada, yada. I'm like, well, if she wants to be around me, she'll be around me. If she doesn't, it's not going to stop me from doing what I want to do. So I don't worry about it. And we have a great relationship because of that. You know, it's just that not everybody's going to be open and willing to do everything that you want to do. That's why you should have multiple friends. That's why you should have multiple interests.

Mm-hmm.

should reach out and talk to people you don't see all the time and ask them what they like to do or if they'd like to do something.

Make your world so big that nobody can bring you to that person that they could be manipulated like that They could they could go through life thinking their shit because that's just that's a waste of freaking time And me coming from somebody who was Always heavier set, you know, I heard it all the time you you're too big for this or you didn't do that I'm, so sorry. There's a lot of traffic outside my window. Um so

Hehehehe

You know, there's so many things and when people would start to say that should I be like next? I'm gonna find somebody that doesn't have a problem with me being this size I'm gonna have i'm gonna meet somebody that doesn't have a problem with me having an opinion And that's kind of how I just got through life was all right. You're gonna be that way cool I got something else to do because I built a A bigger world for myself so I didn't have to stay locked into shit. I could

go to this part of my world or that part of my world and, and have more. And lucky for me, it turned out to be really beneficial. I didn't have all the drama that most people did. Not that I didn't have my share. I did, but you know, you just don't let that get you down. There's, there's so many things in this world, so many things that could keep your interest, make you happy people that will, that will stand next to you and hold their ground too. And, and.

I think that if we hold ourselves to those standards and we are those type of people, we will meet those type of people and we won't have all this bullshit gaslighting stuff and need a term for people just being shitty people because that's what it should say in the dictionary. Shitty people, people that want to bring you down to build them up. Shitty people.

Shitty.

And if you can believe this, this term has been around for a long time. A long, long time. Matter of fact, it's been around since like 1938.

Is it really?

Okay, so tell your kid that he did not get this one.

Right, well, sort of. The term has been around for quite a while. It's gas lighting is also called carressive control. It basically comes from a British play in 1938 called Gaslight, go figure. And it was, a movie was made in 1940 about it. Basically it's about

Mmm.

uh, husband wife gaslighting each other, um, in the Victorian era. And it's been used here and there since then, but it became a popular term in, let's see, where did it come up? Uh, right here, I read it, 2016 and 17 is when it really started being used again.

Mmm.

like to the point where it's where we've all been starting to hear it. Obviously the same way in politics. Really during 2008 there was a book that came out that basically was telling you how political manipulation has been done through the media. So, oh it is rampant.

Oh, it's rampant through the media.

In 2022, gaslighting was the word of the year in the dictionary due to its vast increase in channels and technologies used to mislead the world. So this is also like just from that in itself, this is something that's being used to control everyone. You know, it's, wow, man, it's a scary

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

know, the dictionary has it's a word of the year because it's happening so much or being used so much.

Yeah.

or people are, you know, in this day and age, everybody is a psychologist or a psychiatrist and they all come up with their own, what's the word I'm looking for? Their own diagnosis.

of what their problems are like, oh, I'm ADD, I'm ADHD, I'm OCD, I'm this or that. Like, this is just another way of, of putting a label on it. You know, that's

Yeah, and I think that that's probably good and bad. It's probably overused.

Yeah, because it's self-diagnosed and it's not, you know, who are these people that are diagnosing this? Because clearly they don't have a brain if they're allowing that shit to happen and they're complaining about it and not doing anything. So we could just go right there.

Yeah, well, and again, I also think that some people will use the term probably correctly and say, I think they're trying to gaslight me, where I think that they see what's coming. It's not that they're.

Mm-hmm.

You really think people say they think they go no, they're gaslighting. They're this they're that. That's all I've even when they're sitting in the chair. It's not I think he may be doing that or I think she may be doing that. It's oh, yeah, he's a gaslighter. He does this that and this like oh you diagnosed him great. Like now I know exactly what to avoid.

Uh...

Yeah. Right, yeah. The one person that I've heard it recently actually said, I think, I think that he's trying to gaslight me. And I think that that's coming from the step back mode of, okay, this person tries to see things for what they are before she jumps to conclusions. I think that it's just been

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't know a lot of the story, so I don't want to jump in and say, but from the small things that I've heard, I think that there's probably been way more said and that now she finally got to a point where she was like, I now I think that he's trying to use this against me. And I think that's a good thing. Just like the other person I was telling you about, like, he finally went.

I think there's more to this than meets the eye and I think he had already cut the cord well before that but he was holding on for hope and And I don't think there's anything wrong with that I think hope's a good thing, but I was glad to see when he finally Realized okay Fuck this

Mm-hmm.

It's more than I want to deal with.

And he and he went, yeah, fuck this. And literally that whole day went on with his business. And and you should.

Mm-hmm, and you should. Shitty people shouldn't take up time in your head. Let's be honest, shitty people shouldn't get a lot of time for anything.

Yeah.

shitty people need to be moved to a different place. If they're not trying to be better, they have to go. And I think that he saw, he had an old friend come visit him and they had a good time and hung out and went to the movies and kind of stepped backwards and went, okay, like, you know, there's more. There's more to life. And there's

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Oh, absolutely.

and there's better people. And I think that...

And if you hold your, um, if you hold your, your standards a little bit higher, you don't have to deal with this shit like.

Yeah, and he has some good self-confidence too. And I think that that's, nah.

He has, he's good. He's good, but yeah. So he didn't put up with that shit for very long. He's like, oh, let it happen, let it happen. Oh, now it's starting to bug me. I'm done. Good for him.

Yeah, I talked to him that morning and he seemed a little down and I went, don't let this shit kill you, move on, you'll be alright, there's other people. And then I got a phone call later that day and said, oh, I think she's gonna come down over the weekend and hang out. Perfect, dude, you're good. Go have a good time, go do your thing. And that's how you have to try to look at it. You can't be stagnant in thinking that life doesn't get better. It does.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And you can't let people take up space that don't deserve it. They just get rid of them. If people, I always say if we all start holding people to higher standards, guess what? They're going to come up and meet those because they want to be where they are. They want, if they want to be with you, if they want to be around you, if they want to be your friend, if they want to have a relationship, they will rise to the occasion every time. If they're good people,

Yeah, I agree and I think...

Mm-hmm.

Correct.

and they really want you. Now, if there's shitheads that you don't need in your life or they people that are taken from you and not giving or making you feel bad about yourself, get the fuck away from them. Quit being an idiot and thinking, oh, but I think, oh, I'm gonna give them another chance. Oh, I wanna be around. No, no. Walk away and don't look back because if you put your standards higher,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Guess what? Somebody will meet them and that'll be somebody that you don't have to deal with all the shit and self-diagnose and doubt yourself And have all these insecurities. You'll you'll have just been like fuck it I'm just gonna have faith that I will find somebody that loves me and it happens it happens Yeah

And then when you do, all those things go away, because they show you all of them. And I think that that's where he's at. He understands that the people who want him will always want him. And you're right, everyone will rise to the level of each other. And that's the biggest part of it. And if...

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And if you're already thinking about somebody's gaslighting you, guess what? They're not for you. You don't even need any examples. They're just not for you. Get away.

That's right.

Yep, you just gotta go like this to him. Right down the toilet and move on.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Because you know what? I never thought that about anybody I dated that they were gaslighting me. But guess what? They couldn't do it if they tried because I have my own opinion and I hold my own space and I don't let that shit happen. So hold your own space. Be more accountable to yourself. Like take care of your heart.

Yeah, and I agree with you. I think once you take care of your own heart, it's easier to give to somebody else. So, and that's what I told him.

Mm-hmm well It is easy if you if you love yourself and you take care of yourself It's very easy to give love away However, it's gonna take if you're giving your heart away to somebody that doesn't deserve it You're gonna have to take some time and figure that shit out and you should

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and you're going to have to realize that, even though you think you might've given it to the wrong person, you might have. You need to step back, find yourself, and then decide what it is you want.

And don't worry about it. So you had to learn some lessons, get the lessons and get the hell out.

Yeah, and then, you know, there'll be, there's always something on the other side. That's how I try to look at things. There's always, yeah, there's always something on the other side. Alrighty, well look at that, 45 minutes down, and we are done for the day. Make sure to check out our social medias again on the Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.

Hmm life is always moving

Absolutely.

And check us out and share, like, subscribe, send this to everybody, make them listen. We're on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, Google for now, but that's gonna be going away. And I think, and I'm looking into it right now, YouTube is going to have their own podcasting where it's both audio and video. So you can do both. At least that's what I'm hearing. Because Google owns YouTube.

Hmm.

Interesting.

And I think what they're gonna try to do is instead of it, yeah, but it'll be under the YouTube umbrella. So you can have both of those. And soon I'll be able to upload this video to Spotify as in one thing, like a video. So we're gonna be working on that and we'll go from there.

a smashup.

Nice.

Yay. That was so not what I wanted to do with my life. I'm like, yeah, I could be on something because it's more like radio. Nobody has to see me. I don't have to be all perfect. And now you're like, guess what T? We're doing it all. Great.

You gotta, you gotta be perfect. Yeah, I'll even shave and make sure you can't see the gray when I do it

Ugh, I might wash my face and put on more makeup. Like, I didn't do shit this morning. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, well, I mean, as you can tell, I didn't do anything as well. So, yeah. All right. Well, any last words on our on our gaslighting episode?

Yeah, you guys, stop putting up with bullshit. Period. If it's bullshit, get out. Get out and find something that's not. Get a friend, get a dog, get a life, get a hobby. Get away from bullshit. That's all I got.

There you have it. We'll leave it at that. This is an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday and listening. Until next week, this is my co-host Tina and I'm Rob. We'll talk to you later, bye.

See ya!