In this episode of This Daring Adventure podcast, I address common feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt experienced by many women. I've heard it many times in coaching sessions and from myself! It happens to all of us - and none of it is true.

We'll explore the roots of these feelings in childhood, primitive brain functions, and societal messaging.

I offer some advice on recognizing and combating these negative thoughts through self-compassion, journaling, and seeking alternative, positive beliefs.

There's nothing inherently wrong with you and I encourage you to build a better relationship with yourself to achieve a more confident and fulfilling life.

00:45 You Are Okay: Addressing Self-Doubt

02:21 Understanding the Roots of Self-Criticism

08:49 Changing Your Thought Patterns

13:23 Practical Steps to Build Self-Compassion

Book a consult call and learn more about my newest program, the 6 Week Jumpstart to Building a Better Relationship with Yourself. This 1:1 coaching program with me will help you build the foundation you need to create the life you want. You don't have to stay stuck. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have and it is time to invest in it. You'll feel better, think better and show up completely different in your life and relationships. Book your call HERE and let's talk.

Connect with me on Instagram for more mindset inspiration.

Visit my website here.

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Thanks for your support!

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast,

where we work on bridging the gap between

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where we are and where we want to be in

order to live a bigger and bolder life.

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In this podcast, we will provide

inspiration, tips, and skills

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you need to make your life the

adventure you want it to be.

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Here's your host mindset mentor,

and life coach Trista Guertin.

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Trista: Hey, everybody.

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Welcome back to This Daring Adventure.

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My name is Trista Guertin and

I am a master certified coach.

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This is episode 75.

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Today, I wanted to talk about

the fact that You are okay,

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you are not doing it wrong, and

there is nothing wrong with you.

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One of the things I've been struck

by since I've started my coaching

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journey, and this is both being

coached personally and being a coach.

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Going through the entire certification

program, and the subsequent training,

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Programs that I've gone through being

a part of group coaching programs

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and coaching women one to one.

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I'm from, just myself.

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One of the things that I've seen

consistently that comes up for women is

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the idea that they're doing it wrong.

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Whatever it is, can be work, can be

relationships, it could be parenting or

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that there is something wrong with them.

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Somehow they're not good enough.

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They're not able to do it, or it

could be both they're doing it wrong

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and there's something wrong with them

and typically they blame themselves.

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And as I said, it really struck me

because this was happening consistently.

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In all of the coaching

containers that I was in.

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And what I just decided one day

was that this can't be right.

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That we all can't be wrong.

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if we're all thinking the same way,

then it has something to do with us.

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Not inherently that we are, wrong or that

there is some, that we're doing something

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wrong, but that there is something out

there that is causing us to think and feel

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this way and what I've discovered is Yes,

I mean there are explanations for this.

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The first is And you look probably at

traditional therapy, they will look

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at your family of origin, how you grew

up, your parents the environment that

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you grew up in, and, obviously, when

we are young, when we are babies, when

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we are children, our brains are very

impressionable, we're picking up a lot

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of information, we just take it all in.

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We don't have the capacity to.

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To analyze it or process it in a

way that we do once we're older

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and once our brains have matured.

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our brain just tries to

do the best that it can.

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And it will come up with certain

ideas, it will create certain beliefs

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and it makes an impression on us.

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The second is that it is To do with the

way our brain is, we have a brain that

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has a primitive part, which has kept us

alive for thousands of years as, evolving

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as a species for thousands of years.

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It likes to seek pleasure, avoid

pain and be as efficient as possible.

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part of that programming is to use

fear and doubt as a way to protect us.

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And so it will default to the negative,

it will look for problems, and a lot

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of times that is directed directly at

ourselves, it's directly at ourselves.

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so we will criticize ourselves,

we'll be quite hard on ourselves.

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We internalize all of the

issues and just believe that

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there's something wrong with us.

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We're not doing it right.

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And we also catastrophize everything

thinking that there's no hope for us,

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that we can't fix this and that there is

just something inherently wrong with us.

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then the third, what I've been

learning is, and I will put the book

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in the show notes, but it's Take

Back Your Brain by Kara Lowenthal,

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that we are also socialized this way.

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the messaging that we receive from social

media, from school, from books and movies

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and TV, and It's religion, culture.

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We receive these messages,

particularly as women, that we need

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to measure up to a certain standard.

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We need to be a certain way, whether

it's our weight or our clothing size

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or the color of our hair or our age.

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We get a lot of messaging that we

aren't good enough the way we are,

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that we are probably doing it wrong

and that we need to be doing things

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differently than we are, that somehow

we are not acceptable just as we are.

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And so we see this, we receive

these messages all the time.

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I think there is a certain

consciousness now about it.

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You do see that things

in the mainstream media.

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And in social media are starting to

shift slightly, questioning some of these

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standards and these ideas and This need

for us to conform, but we were raised

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like this when they think that like

probably, you'd be horrified to watch some

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of the TV shows that I grew up watching.

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I watched hours and hours of TV when I

was growing up and all I think of all

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the fashion magazines and all the beauty

magazines that I read growing up, all

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of that was full of messaging about.

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How to conform, how to live up

to that standard, how to be more

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beautiful, how to be a better wife,

mother, sister, brother, not brother.

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How to live in the perfect home

and have the perfect hair and the

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perfect size and all of these things.

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Yeah.

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which have an impact on us.

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it's not by accident that we think

we are not good enough, that we

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are doing something wrong or that

there is something wrong with us

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and that somehow we are to blame.

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we place a lot of value on

what others think of us.

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Whether people we, we know people

that we are in relationships with or

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just society in general, but we place

a lot more value on what they think

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than on what we think of ourselves.

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so my message here today is and so

the reason why I wanted to do this

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episode today was to reinforce the

message that there is nothing wrong

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with you and you're not doing it wrong

and you're not to blame for anything.

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The fact is, this is the

way we've been raised.

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This is the way our brain is designed.

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This is the messaging that we constantly

receive, and so it makes sense

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that this is what's going on in our

brains, and we can start to change it.

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We can start to think differently.

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Now, how do you do that?

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The first thing I recommend is

just to know that this is normal.

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There doesn't have to

be any shame around it.

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There doesn't have to be any

beating yourself up for it.

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Just know that this is okay, that

it's normal, and that if this is

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what's going through your mind at

any time, nothing has gone wrong.

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The second thing is that you want to

take a look at What do you believe?

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Take some time.

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Write it out.

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Think about what you believe about

yourself, about society, about your life.

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What comes up?

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don't censor yourself and don't edit it.

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But what are some of your beliefs?

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in particular, what are your

thoughts about yourself?

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Then, I would spend a little

bit of time just thinking about

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where these might have come from.

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Some you might be able

to trace back easily.

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It's something that your fourth grade

teacher said to you, or your mother

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said to you, or your friend said to

you, or an ex boyfriend, whatever it is.

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Others you might have to

dig a little bit deeper.

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I don't think you need to spend a whole

lot of time on this, but I think if you

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go through some of your thoughts and can

start to link them to see that they make

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sense because You've been exposed to

them or they've been said to you, or it's

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something that you've picked up at home or

at school or from the media and that you

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can understand where this is coming from.

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And it's just clear for you and your

brain and you're not just having this

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vague notion that it's somehow your

fault and somehow you have something

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wrong with you, And then you can, You

want to try and catch yourself as often

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as possible when this is happening,

like when these thoughts are coming up

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for you when you start to go down that

path of, Oh, I'm doing it wrong here.

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Or, I've done something wrong or

there's something wrong with me.

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Try and catch yourself, try

and gain that awareness of

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when this is happening to you.

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then that's when you can journal about

it, write it down, take a look at it,

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spend a moment or two making sense of

where it might have come from for you.

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then you can ask yourself a few

questions such as, is this helpful?

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Do I want to keep thinking this?

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What else might be true?

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You can ask your brain for evidence

for what else might be true.

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instead of focusing and running up a

list of evidence for the way you're doing

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something wrong, or you might be to blame,

or there's something wrong with you,

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ask your brain, what else might be true?

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then spend a few moments looking

for evidence for that, build

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that, ask your brain to focus.

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It's very important to give your brain,

that task, that job to look for it.

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And what you look for, you will find.

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Then you can ask yourself, ask your

brain to choose a better feeling thought.

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What's one thought that might

feel just a little bit better and

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it's a little bit more believable.

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It doesn't have to go to rainbows

and daisies and unicorns and that

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you're the most wonderful person

on the planet, but looking for

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just a slightly better thought.

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you can use a modifier you could just say,

it's possible that I'm not wrong here.

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It's possible that I might

not have done anything wrong.

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It's possible that I

could know what I'm doing.

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It's possible that I do have

relevant experience for this.

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Play with that a little bit

and see what feels good.

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It has to feel good in your body and

make sense and be a little believable.

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Then you want to have

compassion for yourself.

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Always have compassion for yourself.

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Don't judge yourself when you're having

these thoughts, when you're going through

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this process, just be kind to yourself

and tell yourself that this makes sense.

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Nothing has gone wrong here.

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It makes sense that I'm thinking

like this and It's possible

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that I can change my thinking.

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It's possible that I can

create some new beliefs.

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It's possible that there's nothing wrong

with me and be patient with yourself.

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That's always an important

part of the process.

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This is going to be a

marathon, not a sprint.

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And this crappy thinking

is always going to come up.

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But when you work like this, and

when you do the work on your thinking

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and your beliefs, not have such an

impact on you, you will be able to

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process and move through it quicker.

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Will it happen less and less?

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Possibly.

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But as long as you have a human

brain, chances are the crappy

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thinking is always going to come up.

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In fact, I don't even want to say

chances are, let me just say it's going

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to come up how frequently, maybe it

will come up more or less infrequent,

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maybe it will come up less frequently.

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But the fact is that what you want

here to do is not aimed for perfect,

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but you want to build the skills and

the tools So that you are responding

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in a way that is more helpful.

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therefore you feel better, you think

better, and then you do better.

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Your relationship with

yourself is a lifelong project.

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You're never going to be one and done.

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It's a marathon, not a sprint,

and it's not going to be perfect.

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Some days are going to

be better than others.

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I did an Instagram post this morning on

Waking up with anxiety and waking up with

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those thoughts, beating myself up saying

I should have, I should have done this.

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I'm not doing enough of this.

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I've made this mistake.

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It's too late for me here.

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It's all this.

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And you know what?

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It happens, but I am now better

equipped to deal with it.

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I don't make it mean

anything about myself.

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It's just happening.

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I know how to manage myself through

it so that I can overcome it and

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then focus my time and my energy on

creating what it is I want to create.

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Now I know how to move through

it and get to the other side.

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Again, there's no race, but it does

make me feel better in the long

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run and I do show up differently.

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finally, I want to urge you

to continue to get help.

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Listening to podcasts are a great option.

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Listening to these messages on a

regular basis can help to remind you

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and reinforce some of these ideas.

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Get coached, certainly building that

relationship with yourself is important.

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Building that self trust

and that self love.

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You're never going to

be done in this process.

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it's not about being perfect, but it

does equip you with tools and skills

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in order to constantly improve that

relationship and help you to approach

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challenges and goals and relationships

differently than you previously did.

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you do land up feeling better, thinking

better and showing up differently.

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think about what it is you think about.

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what are your thoughts about yourself?

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Spend some time going through

journaling on those, uncovering

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those and understanding where

they might have come from.

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Be patient with yourself and know

that this crappy thinking is going

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to come up from time to time,

but ask yourself, is it helpful?

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Do I want to keep it?

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And then what else could I think?

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What else could be true?

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Look for evidence.

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that something else could be true.

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Pick a thought that helps you

to feel a tiny bit better, and

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that moves you towards what it

is you want to think and feel.

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Remember, start the sentence

with, it's possible that it's

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possible that I'm not wrong.

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It's possible that I'm doing

better than I think I am.

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It's possible that I have

relevant inexperience.

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for this, whatever it is, however

it is relevant for you, tailor it

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to your situation, but know that

there is nothing wrong with you.

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There never was, you're not doing

it wrong and you're not to blame.

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We have picked up messages growing up,

from society, from media, from culture.

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this is partly how our brain operates.

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it makes sense that this is

what you're experiencing, but it

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doesn't have to slow you down.

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It doesn't have to hold you back.

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It doesn't have to keep you stuck.

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You can learn how to experience this,

manage it and move yourself forward.

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That's what I have for you today.

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If you're interested in learning

more, I will put the link to

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my calendar and the show notes.

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You can book a one hour consultation

with me and learn more about my programs.

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In particular, the six week

jumpstart to building a better

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relationship with yourself.

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This is where we do the work and I

introduce you to the tools and skills

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you need to start to build a better

relationship with yourself, the self

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love, the self trust, the confidence,

how to manage your thinking and your

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emotions so that you can get unstuck.

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You move yourself forward and you

start to create whatever it is you

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want in your life and become the

person that you want to become.

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If you feel like you're meant

for more, it's because you are.

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Click the link in my show notes.

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I'll see you there.

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Thanks everybody.

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Bye bye.

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Thank you for listening to

this Daring Adventure podcast

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with your host Trista Guertin.

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We hope you enjoyed the tips

and conversations on how to

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get excited about life again.

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As always, you can head to

tristaguertin.com for additional resources

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and to book a one on one coaching session.

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You can also follow Trista on

Instagram at tristavguertin.

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Don't forget to subscribe, rate,

and review us on Apple Podcasts.

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Thanks again for tuning in

and we'll see you next time.