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Helping People Feel Like Part of Your Family
Episode 3317th June 2021 • Everyday Disciple Podcast • Caesar Kalinowski
00:00:00 00:40:21

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With more Christians and churches doing home-based micro churches and neighborhood-focused expressions, it's fair to ask: how are we making people feel when they’re in our homes or anywhere with us? In this episode, Caesar and his wife, Tina, let you in on a recent coaching call where they discuss treating people like family–not like guests—and the powerful heart change that happens for us and others when we do. In This Episode You’ll Learn:
  • How our language reveals our true hearts in this.
  • God's desire is that we treat everyone like part of his family.
  • Missional living is a beautiful, glorious mess!
  • Examples of what this looks like in your home and elsewhere.
Get started here… part of your family From this episode: “Life and community on mission are messy. But it's a beautiful mess. And just like we see people in messy situations differently when they're our family members than when they're not, once we start to see and treat everyone like part of the family, our heart response to this glorious mess shifts too. This is not the way we live because we're supposed to. We live this way and treat others this way because we get to.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Free Download of the Big 3 For Episode #331 Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living. Free Discipleship and Missional Resources   Join us on Facebook  

Transcripts

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It seems pretty apparent that life and community, our mission is messy, but it's a beautiful mess.

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And just like we see people in messy situations differently when they're our family members than when they're someone else.

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That's not.

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Once we start to see and treat everyone.

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Like part of the family, our heart response to this glorious mess will shift too.

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Like I've said many times before, this is not the way we live, because we're supposed to, we live this way and treat others this way because we get to, we get to love them and pursue them and treat them the way God does.

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And that shows him what he's like.

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God is pursuing this relationship of trust with us and with them.

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And he uses us to pursue them.

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It's beautiful.

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It's powerful.

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Welcome to the Everyday Disciple podcast where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.

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In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.

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This is the stuff your parents, pastors, and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.

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And now here's your host Caesar Kalinowski Hey.

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Hey, good to be back with you.

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Welcome to another edition of the Everyday Disciple podcast.

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Thanks for joining me.

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Hope your day's going great.

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Mine is.

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I'm still kind of buzzing from yesterday.

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Tina and I were invited to go to a baptism of the oldest daughter of some friends of ours.

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And I love baptisms and I love seeing my young little sister make her public profession of her faith.

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So a little shout out to the proctors and to their oldest daughter, Bridget...

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"B", as we call her.

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And it was such a privilege to be there.

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It was a bit of an intimate little situation and fun and just kind of some close people.

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And we were invited to be a part of that and it was wonderful.

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So what a great thing to see a young little sister.

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Commit herself to the mission and to Christ early in life.

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It was awesome.

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So anyway, having a blast with that, it was such a cool thing.

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Let me read a couple of reviews that have come in for the podcast, just to encourage you to maybe do the same thing, sort of pay it forward.

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That helps other people know what the show is about.

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This one says back to mission.

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It was by MD Edwards.

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Jesus gave the church one mission, and this is a podcast that will always call us back to that mission.

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Not through guilt.

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But the grace of the gospel keep up the awesome work.

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It's very encouraging.

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Well, thanks there MD Edwards.

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Appreciate that.

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Here's another one that came in from Meadowbrook MC.

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This is a must have podcast five stars also.

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Thank you.

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And they listed out it's a little numerical, little thing, one real life, practical ways to begin living in community on mission to the big three is genius.

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You have something in hand that summarizes the podcast.

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Awesome.

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And then third, he said, finally, something that's 25 to 30 minutes in length.

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Perfect.

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For when driving to and from work or doing errands.

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So that's kinda what I shoot for 25 to 30 minutes.

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If you're a regular listener, you know that sometimes I can shoot a little longer than that, especially when I have really good guests on and we just get rocking.

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I hope you'll subscribe on whatever platform you listen to the podcast on.

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And review it if they allow you to do that, star it, whatever.

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But if you subscribe and you can download them that way you don't miss out on episodes, if you need a new place to check out that type of thing, where you can see all the different places, the podcast is available, you can go to Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash subscribe.

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And it'll take you to a real cool little page with a whole bunch of stuff.

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Like it's got all the links to chill ever need.

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Okay.

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And before we get rolling on today's topic, I just want to mention if you're interested in learning a full framework for discipleship and Missional living in everyday life.

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Like a step-by-step we'll walk with you.

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I want to talk to you about that.

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If you want to grow in your gospel fluency in everyday life, I would love to set up a short zoom call to get to know you better answer any questions you have and tell you all about the coaching and mentorship that Tina and I do as couples as a couple for couples.

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All right, you can check that out, get some more information and contact us to set up that zoom call.

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If you'd like, you can go to Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash coaching.

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Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash coaching.

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Now today in just a little bit here, I'm debuting a new segment here as part of the podcast, it's called something to think about and in something to think about, I'm going to share just a little short thought on something that always sort of seems to come up within Christianity in our faith, but it's not been ever quite right.

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And I'll just.

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Maybe debunk those things and it'll give you something to think about.

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I'll be back with that at the end.

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Right after I do the big three.

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Now let's get today's topic.

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Today's topic is helping people feel like part of the family.

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And I have talked about this before in different ways.

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There was an episode, one 57, number one 57 rice, Tina and I were on together.

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Keith interviewed us.

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That was a really earlier episode of the podcast.

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And then in episode number one 89, I get into all the theology behind.

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Why we really do get to see everyone as family, because that's how God sees us all as his kids, because some people push back and say, no, no, no.

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It's just Christians that are our family.

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Well, not according to scripture, not according to God himself.

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And I won't go deep into that right now, if you want.

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That whole really, I mean, I go deep on it in episode one 89.

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Go ahead and look back for that.

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But I thought I wanted to talk about this again today from a little different angle, because with so many Christians and churches doing more home-based micro churches and neighborhood focus expressions.

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We just talked about that.

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A couple of episodes back, it made me wonder how are we treating people?

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How are we making them feel when they're with us in our homes or anywhere else?

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Because the church has gotten real good at setting up the worship service sort of experience.

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But we primarily sit in rows in silence in now, as people are moving outward, I really hope that people are being treated like family.

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Not like guests.

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And so I want to talk about that again, and I have to tell you right at the front end here, until you start to believe that God sees you as his kids, as his family, you're going to have a hard time treating others like family.

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Yeah.

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That's how it works.

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We really deep in our hearts have to believe what God says is true of us that were his dearly loved sons and daughters that we have nothing to prove nothing to earn.

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We're part of his forever family.

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We can come to him with anything, everything we need, he owns everything.

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We have authority and privilege as sons and daughters of the king.

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When we start believe in that and that God sees everyone else that way.

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And some of his kids aren't redeemed or they don't accept that free gift.

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Well, they're still as kids, it's just like, look at the prodigal son story, right.

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That was still his son.

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Couldn't wait for digging and back home.

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So until we really believe that that's how God sees us and sees what everyone else we're going to have a hard time treating people like family.

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And when we have over, we'll treat them like guests, and I'm going to go deep into that.

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And I think on top of that, before we get rolling too deep here, we really need to get rid of this.

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Who's in who's out mentality.

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That worried about who's a Christian, who's not who goes to our church, who doesn't all that it's not serving us.

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It's not serving the church.

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It's not treating others the way that God treats us and everyone else.

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And I, I just want to ask you to pray about that.

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If that's sort of been your upbringing or the way your church experience has taught you this whole who's in who's out mentality, we need to lose that.

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God is pursuing everyone to be part of his family.

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And we get to treat them the way God sees them as his kids and love them and invite them to a place at his table.

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Now, what I'm going to do today is I'm going to share with you a coaching session that Tina and I recently had with one of our cohorts, one of our coaching cohorts.

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And in that we're explaining to the folks who are living on mission and starting to walk in the ways of Jesus in everyday life with people and neighbors and people, of peace about why.

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We want to treat people like family, not like guests.

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And we give them a bunch of ideas and I want you to listen to all the way the end, because they ask some questions too, that are really good.

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And they may be questions that you would have.

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All right.

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So let's take a listen to this kind of a peak inside of one of our coaching sessions.

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And then I'll come back at the end to give you a few comments, give you the big three, and we'll look at that new segment.

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Something to think about.

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Here we go.

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We want to sort of take the next logical sort of just tipping in that family identity aspect.

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And that's the one that trips us up a lot in a lot of people don't like to serve, but they kind of feel like we're supposed to.

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And so they'll just swallow hard and do it, you know, or whatever.

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But the family one does start to trip our trigger.

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Oh, this is what I was going to say.

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Cam Cammie, when, when you, you were talking about people are like, don't have a healthy sense of family.

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That's going to be almost always everybody.

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Because no one had a perfect family, even, even like, okay yourself, you, you came from a great set of parents and all, but I I'm just guessing they're not perfect.

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But the point is everybody's got some brokenness there, but some people had really bad and we get to redefine, what does life look like when God's your dad?

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And Jesus is your brother and you're empowered by God's own spirit.

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And people will go.

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I don't know, but I'm getting a little, a little whiff of it.

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I'm getting a little sense of it.

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The more we hang out with you guys, and there's the openness to go, Hey, we're growing in this too.

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You want to grow in this with us see so at levels things out.

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It's not weird.

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It's not some, benevolent and stooping.

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I use that term, you know, like sometimes as Christians, that's how we treat people is like, we kind of know we should are supposed to.

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So from our lofty place of wealth and privilege, we sort of benevolently stooped down and help them.

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But that, that that's, that's not, Jesus came, right.

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He put on the robe, the scratchy robe and the beard and sandals.

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And he lived among them.

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It was just, he was one of them.

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Right.

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He worked his job there.

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He ate what they ate.

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He cooked fish on the beach, you know, it was all the normalcy of that.

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And we get to do that too.

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Come follow me, walk with me, you know, as he, as he opened their eyes to life in the kingdom and under the power of the holy spirit, we get to do the same thing.

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Now, as, as we look at this flow out of being family, like God's seeing his kids now, some folks, and we can go as deep as you want some folks.

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And I've, I've had more conversations about this that I can, um, Recall, but I, I got, I've gotten pushbacks.

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I've had people call me in and I have to sit down with our elders and explain what we mean.

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They're like, no, no, no, no.

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Only Christians are, are part of the family.

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Only Christians are and they lose their ish over it.

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Right.

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All hinged on one verse, generally that, you know, it's this, that, that, that are called the children of God.

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The truth is those are the redeemed children of God.

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Those are the people that know they are.

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But God sees everybody is their kids.

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And there's only about a billion verses that say that, you know what I mean?

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But that weird exclusionary who's in who's out mentality that the church always has because they had the wrong gospel.

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It was a gospel about.

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Some weird conversion event and Jesus in your heart, prayer, you know, the one Jesus never did before.

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And so, so that's, that was the marker.

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Well, who's done it.

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Who's been in who's in, who's out.

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Who's in, who's out.

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And the church I grew up in, once you said the Jesus in your heart, prayer and raise your hand.

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I see that hand.

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I see that hand.

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Once you do it, that then you were like, move, they moved you on.

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It was like next.

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And there was no disciple.

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She was just like, next check the box.

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Who's in, who's out.

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Then, depending on your denomination or church upbringing, and a lot of churches are still this way.

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I know it might seem hard to believe what I'm about to say, but they're based on who's in and who's out.

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They get super exclusionary.

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Or instead of being a missionary people, a priest of saints, a kingdom of priests to show the world what God's like.

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They're like, no, no, no, you have to, you have to separate yourself from the, you know, unclean who's in, who's out.

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Maybe that seems weird to you, but I'm telling you, it's probably still two thirds of the church in the world.

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Where there's a real heavy separation and exclusionary.

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Cause you know, you don't wanna get sin on you.

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You might get their sin on you.

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Yeah.

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Only homeschool my kids or send them to Christian school.

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I can't, they couldn't possibly go to public school and be with all those sinning kids, you know?

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And we've had parents since sob with us of like, there's this, these kids in the neighborhood and they're real rough.

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And they swear, and I don't want my kids around them.

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Okay.

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I understand.

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However, we exist our family.

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It's sort of like our family, you know, and Signia on the, on the family crest, we exist for the sake of others on to God's glory.

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And God sees everybody as his off spring, we get to as well.

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Now we also get to treat people like family, and we wanted to talk a little bit about treating people like family, not like guests.

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As you build out community, as you start to engage your People of Peace in invitation and challenge.

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Right.

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What's the next appropriate invitation to access to our time and relational challenge.

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And what's the next move relationally together.

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As we do that, we get to, we want to be treating people in our lives.

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Like family, not like guests when they're around.

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Do do you know the difference of like when you've been somewhere and you know, you're a guest there and maybe they're doing a great job.

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Like they're taking care of everything, but you're a guest there.

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Be it a hotel lobby, like a five-star hotel resort when you go to Disney, you know, cause that's what they specialize in church lobby.

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Um, someone's house.

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Do you know the difference?

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Did the feeling internally when you're being treated like a guest versus like family, we want to treat people the way God sees them and treats them.

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And we want to treat people like family, not like guests, that, that ruffles a lot of people, especially in the south, the whole Southern hospitality thing.

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Um, perfect house.

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Perfect.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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You gotta have your house.

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Perfect.

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And then you don't let you, everything's about keeping, you know, saving face and keeping it, you know, everything.

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Looking good on the outside to the point where you don't, it actually invite people even in to your front door, like you'd sit on the porch with them at first until you got to a certain thing and then you could have them inside.

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But then still, you gotta make sure the inside is perfect.

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And since it's not perfect, most of the time that doesn't happen very often.

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Um, C's mom was from the south from Savannah, Georgia, and she had a lot of this in her and it drove me crazy.

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Cause I grew up in the south too.

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I knew what she was struggling with, but I wasn't exclusionary.

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She wasn't exclusive treat everybody like a guest.

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Yeah.

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And so she, you know, could, you could barely help her do anything.

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She goes running her fingers off.

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And, and because of that, she would always just like serve the food on paper plates because, you know, she wouldn't have to like, you know, Wash 30 dishes after Thanksgiving.

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So we just ate on paper plates with disposable forks and knives, and I'm like, yeah, it really makes me feel welcome.

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You know, like how fast can you eat?

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Get out the door and I can clean up.

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And it doesn't look like you were ever here.

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And my older sister took that to the next nth degree.

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Like, like not a click, more like a hundred, he'd be eating and she'd be pulling the plate up.

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You're done with that.

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Right.

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Cause she just couldn't wait to get it all thrown away, cleaned up washed and get you out the freaking door.

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Yeah.

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Cause my sister we're at mom's house.

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I, you know, I can remember for years being sort of shamed because I would fall asleep like in, you know, in the recliner or on the couch.

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At my mom's house at a holiday or something, I've only worked like 90 hours this week.

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We got three little kids under five.

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I don't know.

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Maybe I'm a little sleepy.

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I'm home.

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What's the issue here?

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Well, the first time we get to host Thanksgiving, dinner or Christmas, I don't remember which one it was.

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And I used the China and they were like, what, what.

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Like we have kids and we're, who's going to wash it.

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I'm like, I don't know, but my kids all help and you know, many hands make light work and, and it was fun.

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And did I have some dishes left the next day?

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Yes, I still did.

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But.

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We a lot of that time that you spend washing up and cleaning up and like, you have some of your best conversations over those times, you know?

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So it's, I know it's a barrier and for most people they go, you know what?

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It's just easier for me to do it.

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Like, but it's not building community and it's not discipling people in certain ways.

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I can remember one time with, um, some of you know, who the banner stouts are.

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Right.

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And we lived right around the corner from them as we started sewing together untold hours, and our families were just offended.

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And I remember at one point we had already multiplied out and we weren't the same Missional Community, but I remember Janie starting to get a little wore down with the pace of community life and how often they were doing meals and people around.

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Fair enough.

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She got three little kids and.

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She was particularly in this case, she was getting upset that people were wanting to be family and help, but then she could never find the dishes.

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You know, like they were all being put away weird places and would take her twice as long to make dinner and, or they weren't loading the dishwasher the way she liked it.

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No, no, no forks go this way.

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Plates turn.

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And so Jeff just took everybody and said, Hey, you guys are so great at wanting to help.

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You all want to help.

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Right.

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And they're like, yeah, you don't want to really help.

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Janie is if she could take like 10 minutes and just explain a few things, it would be a blessing to her.

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Not that it's a huge deal, brothers and sisters, however, to really show her your love.

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If you could love the dishwasher in a way that.

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She prefers.

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And we can explain to you, here's where the plates go and here's where the pans go.

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You know, be helpful.

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No one had a problem with it.

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And after that, the problem was solved in a sense, it was just treating people like family until they'd been there enough times to figure it out accidentally.

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Or you could just say this.

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When we were on our little retreat this last week, we were making salami eggs for the whole crew.

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The last morning there.

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And some of, you know what that is.

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Some of you don't, if you've listened, you know, anyway that recipes all out there, but they were all like, oh man, team K, you know, we're going to do salamieggs.

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And so we were explaining everything to everybody and they were all doing their little jobs.

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And I had to go to one of the, one of the sisters just real briefly.

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And, uh, she was, I said, okay, three dozen eggs, crack them, poke, poke, stir.

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Right?

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You want to do the eggs?

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Yeah.

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She's but she starts cracking them on the counter.

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Well, we come from food service, owning a restaurant.

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You don't crack eggs on your counter.

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Cause that's everywhere in salmonella.

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I said, Hey, whoops.

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I said, Hey SIS, you're doing a great job there.

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Um, crack them bowl.

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That way it drips it drips in the bowl, you know, whatever.

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And now we don't have to wonder where all the drips went on the floor and down the front of the cupboards and all that.

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She just looked at me like, okay, No, I don't know internally.

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She might've been like a few, bro.

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I don't think so.

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That's not our heart, you know, cause we have a lot of a relational trust.

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Right?

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There's been a lot of imitation banked with them, but I didn't have fear to do that either because I also get to that's how I wanted to see it done.

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But also I wanted her to learn that like that's a safer, healthier way to do it.

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Right?

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Why not?

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What's wrong with it.

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There's nothing on it.

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But some people would be just be, it'd be easier not to.

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But not, if you love people, you speak the truth.

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Right.

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And you free.

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And then she could also say, screw you, I've done it this way.

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A million times.

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She gets too.

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And I'd go, all right, well then just make sure you clean the front of the counters, you know, the counter in the cabin.

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So, you know, like with sterile hot sterilized water or whatever, you know, I don't know you get, I get to, she gets to, you know what I mean?

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And that's part of being family with people.

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And the reality of that.

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And the other part of that, which I love is like, it is like what you're doing with your kids.

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And I love how being a family, like, I mean, our Missional Community is a family and it's kind of like what you would do with your kids.

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We're intentionally using every opportunity, whether it's sitting down over a meal or going out and serving or hanging out and having fun, you're using all these opportunities to try to continue to treat people like family and like your kids, you know, you don't just change their diapers.

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For 30 years, you know, you teach them to go to the bathroom and you teach them how to flush the toilet and would wash their hands.

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And you also teach them how to help clean up and how to cook and you know how to make their beds.

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There's like a million things.

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You're teaching people all along the way.

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And so me taking the time to teach people how to go grocery shopping, and find good deals and how to make, you know, decent food, like easily and cheaply.

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And, you know, the, like some people we had to teach them, like, you know, Hey, You really kind of need to take a shower every day.

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Like we had, I mean, I'm telling you like we, yeah, way back Michigan, not like once, you know, like lots of young men that were like, I want to be married so bad.

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You want to be married?

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Huh?

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You want to marry what?

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Like a woman?

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Yeah.

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A woman.

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Well, women marry men and right now you live like an eternal baby and you smell like one.

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So let's start working on this stuff in your life that a woman might actually want to marry.

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But right now, I would tell all the women in our community don't marry this baby.

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Anyway, that's part of being family.

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Trust me, like one of the guys we're thinking of in our head when he lived with our family for years, and he was raised by wolves and apart from all his siblings and our daughters treated him like family, they were hard on, they changed his life though.

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He's married to a beautiful woman now and.

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Praise God.

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Right.

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You know, it's just, and that's the way I feel.

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You know, when I, when I look at these, you know, so many people who've just had no one helping them, helping them move, you know, helping them learn, helping them be.

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Um, and, and it's not just even in the practical, I mean, it's in the spiritual too.

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That's all, it's all the same.

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And it's all the processes.

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Well, part of treating people like family, let's say when they're in your home and that's when we had that tendency to like, You know, like treat them like a guest, right?

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Even the language matters.

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Like you just said the word hosts, you know, like, cause it drips out of us.

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But even that, when we call that, like who's hosting, it puts us in this mode versus like, where are we doing this this week?

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Whose house are we?

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Do you know what I mean?

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There's so it's not evil if you use the word host or whatever, I'm just saying, like, we, we get to be careful with how our language does create culture.

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Cammie.

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You said, you know, we couldn't go to church Sunday.

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It's like, you never can go to church.

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Right.

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And everybody goes high and I, whatever, but it's it's identity issue.

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That's you know what I mean?

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And so let's, we just, we get to grow, grow in that and go forward.

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So part of how.

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Part of how we start to treat people and then disciple people to be like, and treat others, like family its in our language, language creates culture, but it also shows up in really little ways, like always in let people bring something, you know?

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Cause when you say, Hey, we're doing this like, well, what can we bring, excuse me, the first question people ask, be prepared.

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I say we do it every time we always go.

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Okay, great.

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What can we bring?

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And I would say probably eight, at least out of 10 times.

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Oh, nothing.

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Well, you know, you're gonna bring something anyway, right.

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Either.

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I don't know.

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Most people, you don't show up empty handed because that's not what family does.

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So you're gonna bring something.

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Why not go ahead and give people, like, treat them like family and go, well, we're having this and that.

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Well, what do you think goes good with that?

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What is your family like to have with that?

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Well, we, we have this cheesy potato thing we'd like to do.

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That'd be awesome.

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Is that, is that a hassle or could you do that?

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No, I'd love to bring that great.

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Great.

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And let me just say that, that's just invited me to two things.

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One is that you've asked them a question.

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You're getting to know a little their story, and you're giving them the opportunity to bring their story and then get to explain that story.

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And everybody to get to know them connected to that recipe.

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Like, where'd you learn now?

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My grandma used to make, you know, whatever, it's all just part of how family works.

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Um, it also is so let people bring stuff.

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We, we witnessed this like at a very, very high level.

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Once we were at, uh, uh, the Breen's house, Mike and Sally Breen's house.

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And they were having a whole bunch of people in, for a training, but like just opening up their home for the evening.

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And they, Sally gave every single person said, Hey, what can we do to which she had it all nailed now.

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Okay.

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Like literally out in their garage, they had this huge shelf of crackpots and she'd bring them all in.

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She had them all cooking on the couch.

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No, they were very good at community life, but every person said, Hey, what can I do to help?

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She invented something.

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I'm going to put you on ice patrol, make sure everybody gets ice and their glasses, whatever they need.

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It might've been a big thing, a little thing, whatever.

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Don't fear, actually even wait for people to ask, she would just grab somebody and she didn't necessarily know them like, well, but that's what family does.

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There's a guy in our community at a recent holiday thing.

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He, you know, he walks in and I don't know if it was Christmas maybe.

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And he's like, what's up?

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What can I do?

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And I'm like, um, you know what?

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We, we had brunch this morning.

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We're getting ready for the big, you know, the big meal.

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It's kind of a mess.

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Could you grab a broom?

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And, uh, sweep the kitchen up real quick for it before me he's like ma you know, so he was stoked guys, like a super well-known bartender in our town, but like part of our community he's sweeping away.

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And our first floor is all like contiguous hardware.

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And it's like a great room.

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It's pretty soon.

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He is sweeping everything.

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He's down the hall.

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He sweeping under the couch and I'm, you know, I'm and I said, Hey, bro, just the kitchen is all I needed.

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He goes, I'm sweeping, bro.

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I got it.

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You know, he wanted to, you know what I mean?

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And that guy's part of everything.

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And his sister and nephew just moved out of our daughter's house.

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They were there for, I don't know, six weeks or whatever in between, you know, losing their house and all this, you know, it's just how community works and everything we did.

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Over at Kristen's house.

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The last six weeks with them was treat them like that.

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You know, exactly normalcy, let people take out your trash, let them sweep, let them bring food, let them help load the dishwasher.

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You don't like the way they're low in it.

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Go, Hey, you know what I know, there's this, you know, eternal debate like up or handle up, you know?

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Okay, by the way, it's handle up.

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Just so you know, a hundred percent it is because otherwise, when you unload the dishwasher, you do what I just did.

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And then you grab the Frick and forth that they're gonna eat off of and you touch it.

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So I even saw that on the today show once.

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Cool in the restaurant.

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I'm just telling you it is.

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I were thinking, well, I want it up.

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So the water can spray it.

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More.

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Those baskets were made to be sprayed from the land.

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Well, you do what you want anyway, but in our house, we're going to load it, handle up.

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Yeah.

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But you see, it's just the normalcy of the treating people like family.

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And if there's mess, oh, you know, people, a lot of people we coach like this is really hard for me.

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I got to have my house super, super tightened down before I can have anybody in a, well, why.

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So then who, what's the who's this event about ultimately, um, me, but it's not about you.

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It's about God and his glory.

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And God sees that as your brothers and sisters.

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And, uh, he don't really care about the dust bunnies or the box in the corner, or, oh my God.

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There's laundry to be folded sitting on the, on the corner of the couch till whatever.

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You know, like whatever I just want, we just want to impress that upon you wherever you're at with that comfort level.

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That's where you're at.

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But you get to start to treat people like family, not like, yes.

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And I'll tell you what happens when we start to do this in our normal lives and everyday lives.

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So when you're hosting like an open table type of thing, you know, like a high invitation, low challenge neighborhood event.

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That's just ongoing.

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That is a, that's like a super power during that time because people were checking you out.

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And when they come around and they feel like family, or when your house has been perfect, when they walk in and it doesn't look like a hotel room, you know, that you rent it or whatever.

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You ever been to someone's house where you're afraid to set down because it's so perfect and clean.

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And why would you have white carpet?

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You know what I mean?

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Like, you know, what were you thinking with the white carpet?

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You know, the lines are still in it from vacuuming.

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You're like, okay, nothing wrong with that.

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Just know it's going to get messed up tonight.

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And so here's what happens when we treat people that way.

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And our heart kind of clicks where we're just, that's the mode I'm in.

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Not only is the pressure off because you got a lot more help.

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People are bringing food.

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They're helping clean up and they're folding your laundry, if need be their phone, your pastor's underwear, you know, whatever's needed.

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Right.

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The pressure gets off once you get past it, like it feels awkward.

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Okay.

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Well, we're growing in that.

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The other thing is, as you start to live that way outside, Like even last week on our vacation, I was, I was just struck by some of our own language, but also because we were with folks we've been coaching for quite a while, the way they just engaged like a bartender or someone at the grocery store at the meat counter or whatever, when we were getting, you know what I mean?

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It's like, it wasn't like.

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I'm treating that person, like someone who works at the store.

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So I, a slave they're getting paid mobile.

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You're treating them like family.

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Well, when you live in a community, I'm telling you people notice in the word gets out.

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And when we ran the Shaka, brah, when Tina Latina, I said, we, Tina ran our restaurant for eight years breakfast all day.

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The way we treated and talked to staff the way we treated our people, customers, how many of those customers got invited over for Thanksgiving or to a family barbecue or all of our staff being in our house.

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And some of our staff staying with us and other staff staying in some of our rentals, but for free.

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And it, the word gets out.

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Trust me, even in our neighborhood here, which is very much different than in Tacoma and gig Harbor.

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It's quite wealthier.

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Our daughter over time, who has her own little salon has picked up a ton of clients in the neighborhood and early on.

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So this is like humblebrag kind of in Christ, but just to prove the point, she said like mom and dad, like all the neighbors love you guys.

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They just love you and their kids love you.

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Cause like cut the kids hair too, you know, and all that.

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So we'll praise God for that, honey.

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But it's partly because we treat them like family.

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It's not like, cause we're doing something so freaking amazing, but the reputation does get out.

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We were just walking around last week.

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There was a new neighbor that moved in thecul de sac and it's just like five houses away.

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We hadn't met them yet with some other neighbors who I was thinking of as Jim earlier, you don't want to have a patio out front.

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These people, their house, they have a huge backpack, you know, and all this, but they build this little small little stone kind of slate.

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Patty will be telling you say it's like 10 by 10, between the two houses, always on the, on the sidewalk.

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And they put out last year, they put out two chairs and a little table to have drinks.

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They'd be out there all the time.

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This year, they have four just jammed in there, Adirondack chairs and the new neighbor and her kids were over.

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And then the other, all the other neighbors were introducing us.

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And it was like this glowing report of who we were.

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And I'm like, well, I'm so stoked to see us that way.

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Like, I, I think we're pretty normal, but we treat people like family, that's all I'm saying.

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So we're gets out and you start to live this way.

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And then you never know who else in the neighborhoods talking to who else, or you're treating somebody that way at the deli.

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And it turns out that's your neighbor's daughter that you've been trying to get over forever, but they haven't been over.

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So I could go on.

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I can just, I can tell you story after story, after story.

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So.

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What's your thoughts on how this feels?

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Do you have any pushback, any theological differences, any disagreements?

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Any?

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I agree, but I have fear of really what's your thoughts on treating people like family, let that flow out of our identity and how God sees them as true versus treating them like guests when they're around or even when you're out.

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Okay.

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So I have a group of friends that I've just been kind of telling them, talking to them about how we're trying to have people over and live initially in our neighborhood.

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And one of them.

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She said, well, you just gotta be really careful about your, um, your money.

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You'll, you'll end up spending so much money because people will expect you to feed them all the time.

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And so I told her, no, that's not what we're doing.

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Like we're telling people, bring, you know, something to put on the grill and we're all we're, we're, we're just going to treat people like family.

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And she said, well, That doesn't, that's not what that means to me.

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Not everybody thinks that family means that you bring stuff and share it because in my family, that's not what we do.

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And my family would go to my mom's house and my mom does everything and yeah.

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We might like send some money or something cause she'll feed like a huge family.

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But I thought that was interesting.

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I was like, oh, I didn't.

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I just assume when I say we're treating people like family that everybody would pitch in, but she just said that's not how it works.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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You don't even have to correct her.

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Yeah.

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We can just model a different way.

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And that's the thing.

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Sometimes we have to say, you know, in our family.

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I, you know, we all help.

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We all help cook and we all help clean up.

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You know, or whoever cooks doesn't have to help clean up, by the way, you know, that's the other rule.

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I kind of liked that my mom started that a long time ago.

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He doesn't like that role, but, but you, you know, everybody kinda has their, their kind of family way of being family.

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When, when you learn how to be a healthy family, right.

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With God as their father and Jesus as their brother and, and you're learning new ways to do that, then you can also say, you know, in our family, this is the way we do this.

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And then, and then somebody goes, oh, well, that's kind of a cool way of being family.

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I mean, that's how we've learned pushback on this because people live not out of their identity.

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They live do to be that's the beast.

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That's the world.

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That's the beast.

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And so you don't have to like verbally, correct?

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I mean, you can go well, we're, we're trying to live like that.

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And, um, people seem to respond, but you know, whatever, whatever floats your boat kind of thing, like let them see it and experience the difference that, but you're going to get that kind of fear pushback.

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And, but what about boundaries?

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And here's another, one's going to come up.

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Well, what if you're having neighbors over and your kids are around.

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Well, yeah, our kids live here.

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Well, what if there's creepers there's there is creepers.

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I don't know.

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There's always been creepers on a we.

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We were careful, but we don't.

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I, you know what I mean?

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Like we trust God and just like, we love people more than our budget and someone's, we did spend a whole lot on having people over, but as the community kind of grew and started to be more like family, it turned out it was the opposite.

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Everybody brings over like beverages to drink and food and leaves it over and they leave.

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And every week our frigerators full leftovers and I got more beer and wine than we know what to do with it.

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Okay.

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You know what I mean?

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It starts to go the other way, either way though, who got to work it out, God, he;s calling us, then he's always going to meet that need, listen, we've had stuff happen.

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Like, you know, like we've been robbed, we've had stuff stolen.

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Uh, I'm thinking about my favorite leather jacket that just left the house one night, you know, you know, like, but whoever has it and I love them more than my leather jacket, you know?

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And so, um, I liked my jacket, but Hey, probably not happening, you know?

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Um, we get to.

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You're you're going to get lots of pushback and that's okay.

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People are where they're at.

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Sure.

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Hope that is helpful.

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And again, you can go back and you can even dig deeper in this and hear more teaching.

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If you want to go back to episode one 57 or episode one 89, but it's, it seems pretty apparent, right?

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That life and community and mission is messy, but it's a beautiful mess.

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And just like, we see people in messy situations differently when they're our family members than when they're someone else.

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That's not.

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Once we start to see and treat everyone like part of the family, our heart response to this glorious mess will shift too.

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Like I've said many times before, this is not the way we live, because we're supposed to, we live this way and treat others this way because we get to.

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We get to love them and pursue them and treat them the way God does.

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And that shows him what he's like.

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God is pursuing this relationship of trust with us and with them.

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And he uses us to pursue them.

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It's beautiful.

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It's powerful.

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Well, I want to give you the big three takeaways from today's topic.

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You don't want to miss these three principles, and if you want a printable PDF of the big three, you can get that as a free download by going to Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash big three Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash big three.

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Now, here we go.

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Here's the big three for this week.

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Don't miss this.

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If nothing else.

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Number one, God sees every person on earth as one of his children.

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So that makes them all your brothers and sisters in sort of the big eternal sense.

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Some of his kids are far from him or don't know and trust him yet, but that's why we're here.

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We get to start showing them how much our heavenly dad loves them and desires a relationship of trust with them.

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Number two, God sees you.

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As his beloved child and part of his forever family, he's your perfect father.

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And Jesus is your brother.

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Do you believe this, regardless of how imperfect your earthly family may have been?

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We have a perfect eternal family and our position in that family is now secured by Jesus himself.

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It's when we start believing this and believe in it's true for us, for others that we'll start to see and treat others as part of the family as well.

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And number three, begin to see your house as a tool and resource for building community and the kingdom and family viewing your home, not as a refuge or a hiding place, but rather as God's house, this changes our view and the ethos of how we treat others.

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Who joined us there start having a weekly open table of some sort or anyone.

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Everyone gets invited in regularly and treated like a member of the family.

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Not as a guest, treating others like they are.

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Family is an extension of the good news to them.

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A place that your table is a place at our dad's table.

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All right.

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Powerful stuff.

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Hope you'll take that to heart.

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I'll be, let God move you towards that.

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All, everything we've talked about today.

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And again, if you're interested in learning more about this and learning a full framework for discipleship and mission, I'd love to set up a short zoom call with you to talk about what we offer in the way of coaching and mentorship.

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Again, Tina and I do this as couple and we coach couples.

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So if you're interested in that, go to Everyday Disciple dot com forward slash coaching.

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Love to set up.

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A time we can get together and tell you more, get to know a little bit of your story.

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All right.

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Right now it's time for the brand new something to think about segment.

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I thought it'd be good to kick off this new segment, talking about our dad's name.

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We were just talking about family.

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So I thought it'd be good to talk about our dad's name.

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I found that most of us don't actually know our heavenly father's name.

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That's weird.

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His name is not God.

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God's name is not God.

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He is God.

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The name he gave Moses to tell his people.

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And that's us now is I am that I am in Exodus 3 15 there he says, this is my name forever.

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The name you shall call me from generation to generation.

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And so we say it that way in English.

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I am that I am, but in the language that God spoke that.

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In Hebrew to Moses.

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He says, this is my name forever.

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Uh, yeah.

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Shear.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's our father's name.

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I, uh, I shear I, yeah, so awesome.

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And you can use his name when talking to him.

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Does God want us to know him intimately?

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Yeah.

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And call him by his name.

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Of course.

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He just said so.

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So try it out in your prayer time and call your father by his name.

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I, uh, I shear I, yeah.

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So by the way, when someone says, oh my God, this is delicious, or, oh my God, your kids are beautiful.

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They're not using the Lord's name in vain.

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His name's not God, that's a messed up old Sunday school stuff.

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So you can relax.

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Our father, God has a name and it is a shear.

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Okay.

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There you go.

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Hope that's a cool, fun thing.

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That's something to think about for you now.

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Time's up for today.

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I hope you'll join me next week.

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As we talk about seven challenges to cultural diversity in the church, seeing diverse believers, walk and work and worship together as a family.

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Isn't it.

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Beautiful things.

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However, there will be obstacles to overcome as we pursue that.

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I hope you'll be here for that.

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I'll talk to you soon.

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Thanks for joining us today.

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For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit Everyday Disciple dot com.