In this episode of "Make More Love," host Ellen Dorian challenges the traditional notion of work-life balance and the disadvantages of compartmentalization, advocating instead for work-life integration. She shares five key principles to help entrepreneurial men harmonize their business ambitions with personal relationships, ensuring a fulfilling life both at work and at home.

Part 1: Rethinking Work-Life Balance

Ellen critiques the outdated concept of work-life balance, highlighting its inefficiencies and the unrealistic separation of work and personal life. She introduces the idea of work-life integration as a more cohesive approach.

Part 2: Five Principles of Work-Life Integration

Ellen outlines five principles: designing your world to fit your needs, embracing authenticity, avoiding the work-life triangle, practicing intentional presence, and leveraging business skills in personal relationships. She shares personal anecdotes and practical examples to illustrate these concepts.

Part 3: Tips for Implementing Change

Ellen provides actionable steps for listeners to begin integrating these principles into their lives. She emphasizes starting slow, setting micro goals, and seeking support to ensure sustainable progress.

Key Takeaways:

- Work-life balance is not a useful concept. Integration offers a more effective approach for business owners.

- Compartmentalization and multitasking interfere with authenticity and presence.

- There are 5 principles one can apply in small, manageable steps that, along with expert support, will result in a more integrated, authentic approach to relationships and life in general.

Call to Action:

Listeners are encouraged to join the Passionate Partners Insider community, explore resources on the website, and book a free Relationship Reset Call with Ellen for personalized guidance.

Closing Thoughts:

Ellen emphasizes the importance of aligning business and personal goals to create a harmonious and rewarding life. She invites listeners to reflect on their current approach and consider the benefits of work-life integration.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

All links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian

Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional.



Make More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.show

Parent Company: The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.com

Join Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105

Contact Me Directly: Email: ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com

Or direct message me via social media:

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/

LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/

Or set up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me here:

relationshipresetcall.com

Ellen Dorian: 00:00:00

Hey there.

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: 00:00:01

Welcome to Make More Love.

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: 00:00:02

This is the show for driven

entrepreneurial men who want their life to

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: 00:00:06

be about more than just business success.

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They also want a passionate,

aligned, and fun relationship with

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their spouse that lasts a lifetime.

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I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is

your space for straight-up, judgment-free

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conversations about creating a life

where you handle the demands of

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business, relationships and everything

else in a holistic and fulfilling way.

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: 00:00:30

We're all about helping you be

extraordinary in every way that matters.

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: 00:00:34

If you're new to the show, be sure to

hit that Follow or Subscribe button

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: 00:00:38

right now so you never miss an episode.

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: 00:00:41

If you're serious about transforming

your relationship and your life, staying

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connected here is your first step.

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And, if you find today's conversation

helpful, please share it with

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: 00:00:52

a friend who could use some new

ideas for their own relationship.

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Today, we're going to talk

about Work-Life Balance.

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Work-life balance has been a buzz phrase

since the: 1980

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world first figured out it could squeeze

more productivity out of employees

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if they allowed them to take care

of their health and their families.

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Personally, I think work-life balance

is BS, especially for business owners.

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First off, even the expression "work-life

balance" doesn't make sense to us

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because we don't see work and life as two

separate things, so how are we supposed to

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balance something that's only one thing?

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Second, it emphasizes

compartmentalization, which leads

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us to split work, relationships,

personal interest and health into

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silos, which if you ask me is

a guaranteed path to burn out.

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Third, it brings constant context

switching and its evil twin multitasking.

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It drains us and tears us apart.

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It's hardly efficient, and frankly,

it's a painful way to live.

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and fourth, the whole idea behind it was

to pressure corporations into treating

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people like human beings, not machines.

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It's not like it was a self-care mandate.

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So, work-life balance may be

BS, but the problem is real.

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Your work is your life,

but so is your marriage.

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A big part of why you're doing this is

to provide your wife with the Good Life

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you promised when you married her, right?

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Of course it's tough when your

work and your wife are competing

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for your time and attention.

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You've got to figure out a way to satisfy

both or you risk losing everything.

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So, when you're at your wit's end

and you finally seek advice to be

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told that you need better work-life

balance is eye rollingly frustrating.

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So, what is the alternative

if work-life balance isn't it?

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We'll talk about that next...

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But before we jump into that, I want to

let you know about something special I

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offer to my listeners: A lot of you've

been reaching out with questions about

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your own relationships and I want to help.

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So, I'm offering this free

Relationship Reset Call.

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It's a quick 15 or so minutes.

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Just you and me, where we get the lay

of the land and we sketch out a plan to

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get you moving in the right direction.

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If you're thinking about

scheduling a call, here are a

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few questions to ask yourself:

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Would you like to be sure that you're

focusing on the most urgent and

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important issues in your relationship?

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Would it be valuable for you to learn

how to apply skills you've already

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mastered in your work to increase

the passion in your relationship?

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And.

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Would having an experienced

guide help you stay on track as

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you implement new strategies?

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If you answered "Yes," then let's connect.

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Just head over to relationship reset

call dot com , grab your spot, and we'll

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: 00:03:36

jump on a call and figure everything out.

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Because honestly, ...and you know this

as well as I do ...if you let your

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relationship slide, the cost to you

financially, socially, emotionally, and

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in every other way is just enormous.

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It will truly put a dent in your armor.

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So let's not let that happen.

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Let's get you on a trajectory to Make

More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife.

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And we are back.

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Part Two.

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5 Key Principles

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Okay, so far, I've shared four

reasons why work-life balance

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doesn't cut it for business owners:

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A: We don't see them as separate.

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B: It feeds into unhealthy

compartmentalization.

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C: It requires a lot of context

switching, which wastes a lot of energy.

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and

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D: It's not a prescription for self care.

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Instead, we need our life to adapt to

our needs, ambitions and relationships.

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That's where Work-Life

Integration comes in.

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Integration is work-life

balance that actually works.

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It blends business life, personal

interests, family life, and self care

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into a cohesive system where everything is

connected and flows in the same direction.

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If we hope to achieve this though,

we're going to need a new playbook,

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and I'm going to share mine, which

is based on five key principles.

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So let's break those down:

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Principle #1 is to design

your world to suit you.

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My own coach has often says it's easier

to change your world to fit you than it

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is to change yourself to fit the world.

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This one really hit home for me.

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Here's just one example from my own life.

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See...

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I'm a night owl.

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I always have been.

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I remember as a five-year-old having a

full on tantrum at a friend's sleeover

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because her dad made us go to bed early.

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My own parents tried their best, but by

the time I was 11 or so, they'd given up.

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They would just remind me to turn

off the lights when I was done,

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and then they'd head to bed while I

stayed up watching Midnight Special

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and Don Kirschner's Rock Concert.

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Fast forward a few decades....

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when I first got into coaching...

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and I forced myself to fit

in with my clients who were

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construction business owners.

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That's the original 5:00 AM Club.

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But, once I took my coach's

advice and started shaping my

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world to fit my true nature...

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like saying no to 7:00 AM meetings...

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my life improved.

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It turned out that my clients preferred

later times for our meetings too.

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After all, they were up at

5:00 AM because they were busy.

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So embracing our own needs, like my

night owl habits, moves us in the

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direction of integration, shaping our

world to fit us and moving us toward

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better flow in our lives overall.

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Now I'll ask you what is one step

you could take to redesign your work

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life, to better suit your true nature?

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Think about that while we

move on to principle number 2.

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# 2: Embrace your Authenticity.

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Are you living a Clark Kent-to-Superman

lifestyle, thinking you need

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to lose the glasses and put on a

cape so you can save the world?

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Interesting thing about Clark Kent.

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You know he didn't need the cape, right?

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He had all the superpowers anyway.

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He was really just compartmentalizing,

which is the opposite of authenticity.

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Now, a lot of really good coaches I know

use cues to switch between life domains.

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For example, my own coach wears

a certain color to become the

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"onstage" version of himself.

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And another coach I know wears

a wristband as a visual reminder

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to put his work persona away when

he's interacting with his wife,

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because he's not the boss of her.

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While those structures can be very

effective, they can also work against

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you if being authentic is your goal.

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The real key to authentic living

is mastering your attention.

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This is what will allow you to become

wholly yourself in every context.

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In future episodes, we'll do a deep dive

on that and I'll make my case for how

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mastering your attention will transform

your life, but it's too much for this

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episode so we're going to move on.

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Once you've embraced your authentic

self, the next step is to free our

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relationship from competitive tensions.

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# 3: No Triangles

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One of the biggest problems with

being a married business owner is that

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it's almost impossible to avoid your

business competing directly against

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your relationship for your attention.

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In 2014, INC Magazine ran a gut

wrenching article called, "The Start

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of a Company, the End of a Marriage."

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That article became my blueprint for the

problem I wanted to solve, both through

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my coaching and through this podcast.

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There's a copy of the article in the

Passionate Partners Insider Community,

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which is our private Facebook group.

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So if you haven't read it, you should head

over there after the episode and get it.

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In the meantime, I'm going

to read you this one passage

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and you will get the picture.

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"Sometimes the Passionate relationship

you form with your company begins

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to feel almost like, well, cheating.

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Said the entrepreneur

featured in the story.

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The first love of my life was my company.

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And even though I married my wife

and I loved her, I don't think

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it ever came up to the passion

that I felt for my company."

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Put yourself in that wife's

shoes, when she saw that in print.

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I'll bet good money that you do not

want to make your wife feel that way.

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The "work-wife triangle" is a direct

result of you falling into the role

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of serving your business instead of

designing your business to serve your

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life and by extension your relationship.

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Living authentically and realigning

your work so it doesn't compete with

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your relationship will set you up

to execute on the next principle,

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which is about engaging fully

and not just being in the room.

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#4: Intentional Presence

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I am not talking about some kind of

strict Nine-to-Five dream life here.

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I know that's not going to happen.

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You know, that's not going to happen.

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What I'm talking about is

making sure your mind is focused

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where your feet are planted.

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This means structuring your business so

you don't have to sleep with your cell

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phone on the pillow next to you....

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that you can take a vacation

and actually unplug...

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that you can go on a date night

and be up for whatever happens.

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I have a friend who is career military.

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He's away from home for quite long

stretches and his work is all consuming.

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He and his wife made a pact.

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She told him, 'I don't need you to

be here 100% of the time, but I do

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need 100% of you when you are here."

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And that is how they keep their

marriage a Passionate Partnership.

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When we're intentionally present, our

partner gets to experience us fully

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without distraction or divided attention,

making each moment count even more.

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Now we've tailored our world aligned

our true selves, prioritized our

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relationships and deepened our presence.

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The final principle completes

the integration by leveraging

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what we already excel at.

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#5: Use the Business Skills

You've Already Mastered and

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Apply Those to Your Relationship.

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One of the things I discovered by

combining business coaching with

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relationship coaching is it the same five

strategies that drive business success

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can also foster a Passionate marriage.

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I had a conversation with a colleague

once who said he was having trouble

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talking with his wife about making

their relationship work better.

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He asked how he could

even open up the subject.

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And I asked him, "Well, How

would you start the conversation

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with your business partner?"

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And he said, "Well, I'd

just set up a time...

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maybe we get a coffee and then

say, ' things aren't working

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the way I want them to.' Let's

figure out how to do this better."

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Then I asked him, "So what would it be

like if you did that with your wife?"

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And he said, "Well, it sounds

simple when you put it that way."

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That's what I mean about using the

business skills you've already mastered

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and applying those to your relationship.

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I've actually put together a formula

for this purpose, which is too

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much to share now, but I'm going to

share with you in a future episode.

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So, those are the five key principles:

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Design your world

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Embrace your authenticity

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No Triangles

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Intentional Presence

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and

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Leverage What You Excel At.

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These principles don't exist in isolation.

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Together, they form a framework that

enhances every aspect of your life.

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Next, I'll give you three practical

tips for implementing these principles,

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so you can start seeing positive

change as quickly as possible.

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Part Three.

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Putting the Principles into Action

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The pursuit of work-life

integration isn't about achieving

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this stereotypical dream life.

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It's about leveraging synergies.

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As you get started, you allow these

synergies to emerge and then slowly

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build momentum so you won't feel like

you're pushing a rock up hill forever.

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Here are 3 Steps to get you rolling:

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# 1: Start Slow

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This is not a time when going faster

is going to get you there quicker.

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Pick one strategy and take the

time to let it become habit.

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Before you move on to the next one.

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2: Set Micro-Goals

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Be honest with yourself

about how much change you can

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realistically make at one time.

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And, don't set yourself up

for failure by trying to meet

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impossibly high expectations.

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" Progress, Not Perfection is

a cliché precisely because

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it's been true for so long.

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And

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#3 is to Get Support.

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Work-life integration

is not a DIY project.

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It requires an outside perspective.

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Isn't that why you're here listening?

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It's definitely why I'm here talking.

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So why not book a call and let's

look at your specific situation.

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It's free.

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It's short.

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It might just change your life.

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Look for the calendar link in the

show notes for the free Relationship

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Reset Call and just pick a time.

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: 00:13:41

That fence you've been sitting

on is leaving marks on your butt.

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: 00:13:44

Creating an integrated life is

like crafting a masterpiece.

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It's an art and a science.

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Every day is an opportunity to

blend the different parts of your

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life in new and exciting ways.

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Your business goals and

personal dreams are not at odds.

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They're multipliers.

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and that is how you

#makemorelove in your life.

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Here are a few key points from this

episode that I hope you'll take with you:

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1.

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Work-life balance is an outdated

concept that doesn't fit the

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reality of business owners.

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Instead work-life integration is a more

effective approach, blending all aspects

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of life into a cohesive experience.

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2.

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The five principles of work-life

integration are: Designing your world

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to suit your needs, Embracing your

authenticity, Avoiding the work wife

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triangle, Practicing intentional presence.

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And Leveraging business skills you excel

at to enhance your personal relationship.

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To get started, choose small manageable

changes, set realistic micro goals for

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steady progress and seek expert support

to navigate the transition effectively.

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It also helps to keep the

big picture in mind...

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a harmonious and fulfilling

life that rewards you for

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everything you do, day after day.

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Alright.

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I hope today's episode added

some real value to your life.

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If you are ready for more support

ideas or just someone to brainstorm

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: 00:15:06

with here are three ways to get that.

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: 00:15:08

One is to join our private

and free Passionate Partners,

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: 00:15:12

Insider Community on Facebook for

exclusive content and resources.

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: 00:15:17

Number two is to visit our website

and our social channels to learn

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more about our programs, workshops,

and private coaching options.

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That's passionatepartnersproject.com

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And number three, if you want to dive

into your specific situation, book a

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free Relationship Reset Call with me.

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: 00:15:35

Whether it's a minor tune-up or

a major overhaul, we'll make a

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: 00:15:39

plan to get you back on track.

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: 00:15:41

Just head over to

relationshipresetcall.com to set that up.

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: 00:15:45

You'll find everything you need, including

the links to everything I've mentioned.

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And my personal email

right in the show notes.

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I'll be here whenever you're ready.

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And now I've got a request.

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: 00:15:56

I could really use your help to get

the word out about Make More Love.

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: 00:16:00

First, if you haven't already, please

hit follow and subscribe on whatever

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: 00:16:05

platform you prefer when you do that.

296

: 00:16:07

It helps more people find the show and

it makes sure you don't miss anything.

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: 00:16:11

And second, even more important

leaving a review will really

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: 00:16:15

help me grow our community so

we can reach even more people.

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: 00:16:19

And finally, if you know someone who's

struggling in their relationship,

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: 00:16:23

please share the show with them.

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: 00:16:25

A simple share from you could

be life-changing for them.

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: 00:16:28

So, thank you so much

for spreading the word.

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: 00:16:31

I believe you had good reasons

for choosing the partner you have.

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: 00:16:35

My mission is to help you reconnect

with those reasons and discover

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: 00:16:39

new ways to Make More Love in

Your Life and With Your Wife.

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: 00:16:43

I'm Ellen Dorian, and that's

what I've got for you today.