On This episode:
1. You thrive in chaos because when you were in your developmental years, your brain
started to look at and assess the situations and scenarios you were in for
safety. After all, the brain serves one purpose, safety.
2. Confidence does not come from how your body looks. The confidence comes from the intention and effort you put in daily to move towards your goals.
3. Thrive in peace, compassion, empathy, sympathy, grace, companionship, joy, and love.
It's not that you can't have the ability to have resilience in the chaos because
you kind of need that, but that's not where you should thrive.
"If you want something in life, you have to earn it."
"What are you willing to do to have the life you want? No excuses, just results!"
"Authenticity is the highest vibrating frequency known to man."
"Action is a cure-all."
Connect With Michael Unbroken:
Connect with Joseph James:
Joseph: Hello, everyone and welcome to another great episode of Purpose Through Pain Podcasts. I have an amazing guest today, Michael Unbroken. This guy, I don't even know really how to describe him, but he is an entrepreneur, he's a podcaster, he is a coach, a mentor, and he has an amazing story about childhood trauma that he went through, but also he's helping people not only through his podcast, but his books that he's written number one bestseller and the programs that he offers now on helping people get past their childhood trauma and becoming their own hero, owning their story. Michael, thank you so much and welcome to the show, my brother.
Michael: Joseph, man, it's a pleasure, I've been looking forward to this for a while now, dude.
Joseph: Yeah, without a doubt. I just, I'm blown away, you know, we all go through pain in life. Everybody experiences pain and, you know, losing my dad and my wife, you know, all in the same month growing up in a very abusive home, you know, I never compare my pain to other people, but when you read certain people's story, you're just like, Oh my God, how in the world did they make it out, and when I read your books, when I hear your story and the things that you went through, Man mind doesn't even seem to scratch the surface and I know you're not one of those guys that compares pain ‘casue pain is pain no matter how you look at it, you know? But you went through some pretty traumatic events in your life and you know, I want you to take me back to as early as you can remember it, and just share some things with the audience about your childhood and what you experienced.n, and they rescinded that in:
Joseph: Was that something that you thought of or…
Michael: Yes, it was idea.
Joseph: What was awarded by your grandmother?
Michael: Yes. Well, and so it came from, dude again, my stepfather kicked the shit out of us all the time, like he was super violent, and my mom would do the same, and it was, I remember I sat down with my grandma one day and I was like, I need these guys outta my life for real or Joseph, I've only ever said this like twice on a podcast, I was like, I told my grandma straight up, I was like, I'm gonna fucking kill them, and I meant it, dude.
Joseph: Right. Let me ask you a question, what, of course, you were already into drugs, you're already into drinking, what kept you from walking in that same pattern of the abuse that you were raised with?
Michael: Yeah, well, let me tell you the rest of the story and you'll see. Yeah, cause I wanna create this context about this journey, cause I'm gonna make a really important point in a minute, and so I get this restraining order it turns out from there I actually get straight A’s for the first time in my life, I literally posted the report card on social media, it's there fucking proof. I got straight ass, and I'm in this last chance program, learning this is important, I'm learning how to write resumes and cover letters and do mock interviews and like all these things, it's crazy, it's totally different than regular school. And then my grandmother lets my mom move back in, my mom had got sober finally, first time in my whole childhood, and she moved back in, and what I didn't understand, Joseph, that I understand now the moment my mom moved in, like she went to herself soothing behaviors of drugs and alcohol, and she was back to being a full blown alcoholic within a month, and you can watch my grades go from that to straight F’s, and I get a call from my girlfriend my senior year of high school, we're like a week away from graduating, we're three days away, in fact, she calls me and she's like, you're not graduating, and I was like, fuck. Cause I like, I knew dude, I knew, but I was just like waiting to find out, and I go to school and I go up to Mr. Bush's classroom and my business teacher, ironies of all ironies, I walked up to him and I go, dude, how dare you fail me just being an honorary 18 year old, and he goes, dude, I didn't fail you, you failed yourself and then he taught me the most important thing anyone ever taught me, he said, If you want something in life, you have to earn it, you can't get by in your charms, in your good looks, yeah, and he's the only teacher who ever stood up to me like I know that's a weird thing to say, but it's true, and so I had to go to summer school, and I was super embarrassed, dude, I was the biggest loser in the whole school, I was a loser man, like capital L, I embarrassed my friends, I embarrassed my family, I embarrassed my girlfriend, I got uninvited to every graduation party, and then I get to fucking summer school, man, and this teacher pulls me aside and he goes, you know what, we're done with you, we're just gonna give you your diploma, get out, I'm like, what are you talking about, man, I just suffered through the greatest embarrassment of my life and now you're just giving me the thing that I didn't earn. And so I'm looking at my life, man, and I'm like, 18, and I got this bullshit diploma that doesn't even count, and I'm working at a warehouse job, I'm putting microchips into motherboards all day long, and I'm watching the desperation in people's eyes, man, you know that place where dreams go to die? You could just see it, man, got it and it sucked going in there every day, man, I was working bullshit job after bullshit job, after bullshit job, buy hair pay here, rent a car plate, man, it was crazy, and I got fired, man, because I was stone and I'm sitting in my car, Joseph and I was like, you know what, man? Hold on, there's a solution in here somewhere, I don't know why I thought this, but I was like, I wanna make a hundred thousand dollars a year legally by the time I'm 21, that legal part was super important, man, because I've been in handcuffs more times than I can count, I got multiple family members in prison for life right now, and my three childhood best friends have been murdered, dude, I knew where I was going, and so I made that declaration, and then think about this, I had all those skills from that last chance program, how to write a resume, how to write a cover letter, how to interview, and so I just started doing that and I landed a job at a fast food restaurant, and at 18 and a half I had 52 people under me in a leadership role as a assistant general manager doing a million dollars in cheeseburgers and fries, and of course I made every leadership mistake you can imagine, ‘cause what do you think 18 year olds do with other 18 year olds.
Joseph: Of course.s growing up and this is like:
Joseph: Oh God, that's a hundred thousand of me, man.
Michael: Well, right.
Joseph: You know what I'm saying?
Michael: A hundred thousand sounds better than 98,6k, right? And so, ‘cause I, dude, honestly, I thought I made it up. And you know, cause when you grow up, your memory kind of changes and misremember, and so I was like, I need to prove this. I've said this like 300 times on podcast, like, I need to know this is true. And so, you know, I'm making all this money and I'm thinking that that's the solution for all the homelessness, all the poverty, all the abuse, all the stuff I'd been through, but it wasn't, man, and I'm sitting here, I'm driving an $85,000 Cadillac, I'm wearing Sean John's suits, I'm going to $500 dinners, I'm partying my face off, I'm not investing in myself in any capacity, other than the bar. And now I'm heading into 25, 26 years old, I'm 350 pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep, I'm high from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I'm cheating on my girlfriend, my friends hate me, one of my brothers said never talk to me again, and I'm $42,000 in debt. Money did not solve that problem, and so after what I would call the worst night of my life, I'm laying in bed, I'm smoking a joint, I'm eating chocolate cake and watching the CrossFit games, and I'm like, that's rock bottom dude, that's rock bottom but something weird happened as that moment occurred, like I picked myself up and I walked in the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror, and I don't know why this happened, but I had this like intense, like PTSD flashback, and I remember being eight years old and the water company had come and turned off our water, now look, that was always happening, it turned off our water turned off our heat, electricity we're getting evicted, it's another Tuesday, right? It's really not new to me, right? But this particular day, blistering hot Indiana summer day, I go in the backyard, I grabbed this little blue bucket and I walk across the street to our neighbor's house, and for the first time I stole water, and I remember being like, man, when I'm a grownup, this will not be my life. And it wasn't financially right, it wasn't in a lot of ways, but I was still that hurt, lost little boy, man, and as I looked in the mirror, I asked myself a question, I got really real with myself, and I said, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And the answer was, no excuses, just results, and what that meant is I was no longer gonna negotiate with myself, I was no longer gonna play the fucking victim, I was no longer gonna blame everybody else, cause look, just, it was everybody's fault, it was your fault, my mom's fault, my community's fault, teacher's fault, Obama's fault, like dog, it was everybody, it was never Michael's fault, it was never Michael's fault, and in that moment in making that decision, I realized the truth, you're not culpable for the bad things that happened to you, that's not on you.
Joseph: That's right.
Michael: That's my Bible. But these dumb ass choices you're making, this is a hundred percent your fault. And you need to do something about it, and that set of trajectory.
Joseph: Yeah, and the comment on that, you know, a lot of people we hear plain victim, right? You know we've heard about it for years and I talk a lot about, it's like, you know, I can't, it wasn't your choice to be birthed by your mom, you had no, you had no say so in that, you know, you had say no say so and the way you were raised, you know, but at some point in time, your choices led you to where you were going because you continued to make the same thing without changing anything once you got out of that environment, you know, so that man that hits home, man, that hits home, because a lot of people just, we sit there and we blame, when instead of we go from blaming ourself because of the way we were raised to then blaming everybody else by the choices we're still making, you know.
Michael: And you know what it is, the thing that people don't understand that I hope that they will hear what I'm about to say, and that in hearing this, they will just at least contemplate the truth in what I'm about to say, those behaviors, the way I was treating myself, were in the same light as the way that my parents treated me. I was hurting myself the same way they hurt me. And so many people are, so many people are hurting themselves the same way their parents hurt them because here's why, dude, think about this, it's what you know, it's what you grew up in, it's your truth, it's your reality.
Joseph: It's what you were influenced.
Michael: People say this one, the first thing I teach my clients when they come into coaching with me, I go, all right, first we acknowledge and then we come to realize a truth that trauma survivors and people have been through massively dark situations in their life, often say this phrase and it's easily the dumbest shit you could ever say, they say, I thrive in chaos. How many times you heard that said, man, unbelievable amount of time. That's so dumb. Why would you not want to thrive in peace and love, compassion, empathy, sympathy, grace, companionship, joy, love. It's not that you can't have the ability to have resilience in the chaos, ‘cause you kind of need that. But that's not where you should thrive. And so the first thing I try to teach and explain to people is like, the reason you thrive in chaos is because when you were in your developmental years, your brain started to look at and assess the situations and scenarios that you were in for safety, right? Because the brain serves one purpose, safety, that's it, that's it. It doesn't care about anything else, so it starts to compartmentalize all these experiences, and whereas a normal childhood, whatever we can call normal, a child has the ability to fail with safety in their home, and in that they get the ability to learn and understand and reinforce their identity through those experiences, someone from a traumatic household, when they fail, they get their fucking head slammed into a wall and so what do you think that they do? Well, first and foremost, because the brain looks at that as, Okay, if I'm me, that's dangerous, so I can't be me because if I am me, then I am not safe, it starts to force you literally as a survival mechanism to chameleon yourself, to bend yourself, to be anyone other than you.
Joseph: Yeah, absolutely.
Michael: Dude, the most dangerous thing I could do as a kid was have an opinion, and so you look at that now as an adult and you look at your behavior and you look at the way that people thrive in chaos, well, of course you do.
Joseph: Yeah, you know, and it, you know, it's like what you were talking about, like the molding, so to say, is like, with my father, my father put me down, nothing was ever good enough, if I did make an A-instead of an A+, that wasn't good enough, you should have done better. So there was so much rejection for me that it molded my identity in terms of like, I didn't want to, when I was in my early twenties, even though I was in the Marine Corps, I had a chance to get into MLM, you know, and, but I didn't want to hear the word no. Because the know from a cell tied everything back to the rejection I had from my dad because it wasn't gonna be good enough, so I learned to survive by not putting myself in the situation. But what did, what did it do? Were you selling drugs? Some of the, some of the best salesmen I have ever made, I've ever met, we're on the streets, they learn from the streets, you know, because you're just like, well, if you say no, I'm just gonna go to somebody else, ‘casue I'll find somebody else.
Michael: Yeah, gotta eat, man.
Joseph: Yeah, and for me it was the opposite is, I was scared to death of the word of the word no, because when I felt the rejection, it always came with not just the words, but it always came with something else, you know, the beating, so one, it was one thing that led to another that led to another that ended up forming me to where yeah, how did I learn how to thrive by avoiding it instead of facing it, and it really wasn't thriving, I was learning a different way of surviving.
Michael: Yep. Yeah, and that's one of the things that's really interesting about the human capacity to pay attention to details around survival is that we will do whatever it takes, and so for someone like you in that scenario, it's avoid conflict at all time which then there's a really interesting dichotomy about being an enlisted person, right? And it's like, well, something in you needed to face, right, and you found a way to face that adversity and I think that for the people who are willing to face that adversity, you know, you find out who you truly are, and whereas most people will not have the willingness to do though, do so those who do are going to really find out how powerful they truly are and it's a scary journey, man, that the, I always want to create context around this ‘cause people are like, Oh wow, your story is so crazy and look at you now, I'm like, yo, you should have seen me between 26 and 30 years old, it was insane, it was one step forward, a million steps backwards. It was, man, I'm trying everything and nothing's working, it was all the limiting beliefs and all the self-sabotage and all the hurt and the pain and the suffering and all the loss and all the reading the books and going to the conferences and getting the coach and going through the whole process and figuring out who I am, and that's the thing, man, like, abuse it stills your identity, like that's the crux of it, it's not, I don't, it's not the scars, it's not the burns, it's not the cuts on my body that like carry that weight, it's the identity that was stolen from me that I realized that I had to rebuild, because at 27 years old, I recognized something really interesting, I had no confidence, none, and I never did and so I had to figure out how to build confidence, but, you know, then especially, I mean, we're talking about over a decade ago, it wasn't like I could just listen to a fucking podcast, right? You had that, It kind of, but not really, you know, it was at the infancy and it was like, it was like, yeah, there were personal development books, but I couldn't really align with anything. And so what it became for me was, I'm just gonna make myself do physically hard, that's what it came down to, cause I played four sports in high school, and then I put on all that weight and like the pain of being obese finally hit me, and look, you've seen me in real life and in person, like I'm, I'm 210 pounds now, I am not 350 anymore.
Michael: Right, but what it was is I recognized, how can I heal my mind if I don't heal my body? And so I had to like, not smoke, not drink, eat better food, go through the process of this really intensive healing journey and from 29 to 31, man, I was battling some major illnesses because of the way I'd treated my body for 10 years, I mean, you can't fucking smoke two packs a day and get drunk every night and expect your body to be okay, and I'm still paying the consequences of that, I mean, I'm much healthier, I'm healthiest I've probably ever been in my entire life, but like, dude, I started smoking at 12 years old, you know what I mean? And so it, in this journey, the thing that I will tell people that is so incredibly important, and look, I get beat up on social about this all the time, but I'm not gonna back down from it, if you want a healthy mind, you have to have a healthy.
Joseph: Absolutely Michael, I mean, you know what's so ironic, you know, from our listener standpoint of view is, you hear the things that you went through and people can be like, well, why didn't you change your mindset first? But it was your physical, it was the look of your physical body and then the PTSD episode of the water that brought you back to, I can't live like this, you know, and it's crazy, you know, and I kind of look at it, it's crazy that God would use the look of your body instead of the way you felt in your mind, because your mind wasn't going in any direction except for downwards, you know, but it took you looking in the mirror to be like, golly, man, not all am I embarrassed, I'm unhealthy, and then the episode of the water and just sinking back to that, it's just ironic, but you're a hundred percent right man, you want a healthy mind, you've gotta take care of your body, you have to, you have to have a healthy body.
Michael: Yeah. I would argue that that's how you create a healthy mind, like I really, truly would, because, it's due the physical endeavor that you figure out what you're capable of, and so in the beginning, like it was, I'm going to do yoga, now think about this, a decade ago in Indiana, you think there's men doing yoga?
Joseph: Oh no.
Michael: And so, and you're right, and so what I did is I ordered yoga DVDs from Diamond Dallas Page, the wrestler, he had this, he had this thing called yoga for regular guys, and I just threw the DVDs ‘casue I still only had a DVD player in my DVD player, and I just started, and I built up my confidence and my courage, and eight years ago, I actually just found this picture the other day, it was crazy, eight years ago, I walked into a hot yoga studio for the first time.
Joseph: Oh my goodness.
Michael: And Joseph, let me tell you this, I was fucking terrified, I've spoken in front of 10,000 people at Grant Cardone's events, and that is not even close to as scary as walking through that door that day, and it was because I was just, I sat in my car, I got there early, and I just watched all these fit people walking in, I was like, Oh my God, they're gonna judge me, they're gonna be, look up this fat asshole, he's a loser, he doesn't belong here with like, you name it, man, it's so crazy like I don't even like thinking about that, I got to feel gross even saying it, but that's where I was, and I sat there and I realized the truth about life is I had to make a decision, and I walked up and I walked through that motherfucking door and I put myself in that room and I faced the discomfort, and I just kept doing it again and again and again, and my body got healthier, and then from that it was like, I'm gonna go to the gym, and then from that it was like, I'm gonna do CrossFit and Muay Thai in jujitsu and I'm gonna run marathons and do 75 hard and all this shit, right? But it all started with getting a DVD. It all started with that.
Joseph: Yeah, it didn't start with confidence, but it ended with confidence because as you built your body, you know, you physically saw, you saw the physical change and then what, when we start to see the physical change, and this is why I'm a hundred percent believer in what you're saying is when we start with the body one, the mine will come behind it, because when we think of ourselves, you know, if we lack the confidence of looking good or hey, I look sloppy or whatever the case is, and we start building that, we start changing the outlook the way people see us as well. I see ourself differently.
Michael: And I wanna say something incredibly important that gets lost in this conversation all the time, the confidence does not come from how my body looks, the confidence comes from the intention and the effort that I put in on the day to day to move towards my goals.
Joseph: Yeah. I heard a great story not too long ago, and it was, it was a gentleman had hired a health coach or a personal trainer, and he says the personal trainer told this guy, he says, all I want you to, I want you to go to the gym, I want you to be there for five minutes and then leave, that's it, five minutes, seven days a week, five minutes, now you know you're not gonna get anything done in five minutes, you're barely even warming up by the time you even get to five minutes, okay? But that's all he would do and he did it for seven straight weeks and the personal trainer told him, he says, I'm not trying to get you in shape right now, I'm trying to build discipline just to get you into the gym, you know, but then as that came, the guy's like, I broke past my first five minute, I first, I just showed. That was the first thing I just showed up and then it went to a second show up and then a third show up, and then it's the transformation of the process that you're going through of, I can make that step, I can make this, if I can make two steps, I can make three or four, you know, and it's building, so it's like what you're said, it's not the change in the body that builds the confidence, man, it's the discipline behind it, it's the mindset behind it, it's the decisions behind it, it's the journey of just simply not giving up no matter what you face in life.
Michael: Yep, cause it's coming, man, like people, you know, I think about this all the time, people are always like holding back, they're like, I'll do this, when? I'll start the podcast, when? I'll leave the relationship, when? I'll invest in the course when? And it's like, Dude, you might not get tomorrow, for real, and this hit me so hard. So I was sitting in my living, and I got a text, and this was six years ago. And fuck dude, this is always so hard to talk about, but it's important, and I found out that my best friend, my childhood best friend got shot to death in his living room over a drug deal, and I had not talked to him in 10 years, because you remember that job I had at the burger and fries price? Well, I got him a job there too, doing the same thing I did, trying to help him get his life better, and a month in he quit, and I was so mad, dude, that I never talked him again. And that text came in six years ago and I was like, fuck, man, you're holding a grudge over nothing, because my ego was so big that I felt like if he doesn't respect this thing I did for him, then he can't be my friend anymore, and Joseph, he must have reached out to me 20 fucking times, dude, and then I just, the irony of the universe, I'd been thinking about him just that day, and here's that text, and that fucked me up bad, worse than the other friends that have been murdered, or worse than my grandmother's death, worse than any of the other things when it comes to time, and I realized something that day. (A.) I would never, ever, ever, ever get to say to him, how embarrassed and sorrowful I was for the fact that I let something that didn't matter come between a brotherhood. And (B.) that tomorrow is not a fucking guarantee, and that if you don't operate in a relationship of changing how you understand death and time and you move with urgency towards creating the life that you want, then when you die, the word that is gonna be the last word that's uttered outta your fucking mouth is going to be regret. And that is a life unlived.
Joseph: Yeah, without a doubt, Michael, and you know, and I experienced that, you know, after my wife passed away, I was, you know, going through things in the house and I ran across a journal and I remember my wife had, she was battling with depression because of her weight and things like that, you know, and she was seeing a counselor and I was a hundred percent for it, you know, and we said, Hey, look, you go to your sessions, and then when it's time for me to come in, then we go together. A hundred percent supportive, you know, but I was also working towards what I felt as a man, I've gotta provide for my family. So I was constantly working on my business, you know, grow my business, I was up to 3:00 AM in the morning, constantly working, if I wasn't training dogs at the time, I was at home, working on my computer, working on social media, and I remember her coming home, and this is what she said in her journal, she says, I came home to tell Joseph about my breakthrough that I had at the, and as I was talking to him, his head was buried in his computer, like if he wasn't even listening to me, and I read that after she passed away, and it crushed me, Michael, it absolutely crushed me because I'm like, I heard everything that she said, but what I didn't do is I didn't pay attention, to what she was saying, I was still working, you know, And even though my mind, I felt like my mind was in the right place, but it hit me, then you never realized how much time you have to spend with until they're no longer there to spend time with, you know, and no doubt your mindset at that time was definitely different than mine, you know, but it still had the same effect because I felt like I cried harder then than when I did, when I buried my wife, because I couldn't say sorry enough, and I couldn't say it loud enough for her to.
Michael: Yeah, yeah, and that's the hard part, man. I mean, loss is a part of this journey, like, it just is like, we ain't, nobody's getting out , you know, nobody's getting out alive, man, and it's like, you know, you think about that and, you know, I got unbroken tattooed on my knuckles, and I was on an airplane and this woman I could, dude, she was just judging me so hard, you could just tell you just, you see, I'm six foot 4, 2 20, covered in tattoos wearing a gold chain, I had my Tom Fords on, I might have had my 10 x necklace on that day too, and you know, she, her first thought was probably the dude's fucking asshole drug dealer, I hope he doesn't steal my purse, right, and it was just, you can tell the way people just, they situation, they move their bodies, they put their purse here, they, you know, edge over here and I just looked at her and smiled, man, and I said, hello and we had a conversation, and I realized this really incredible truth about life, man is like, you have got to be the change you wanna see in the world.
Joseph: Man, that's it brother.
Michael: You have to be like, kindness is one of my values like it really is and people are always like, kindness. Look at you, what do you know about kindness? I'm like, everything, everything.
Joseph: I wanna take that another step further, you have to be the change that you wanna see within yourself.
Michael: A hundred percent.
Joseph: Because if it doesn't start within you, you'll never reach the world.
Michael: Yeah, and you'll be a liar and they'll be able to see that. I don't know if you know Gary Brecka, he's amazing human being. He said something, I don't think he's probably the first person in history to say it, but I give him, you know, I'll contribute to him ‘cause he's who I remember saying it. He goes, Authenticity is the highest vibrating frequency known to man. And that's the same reason why, like if you're being au inauthentic, if you're full of shit, if you're a liar, if you're not showing up as the person that you know you are, people know man, they know, they feel it, and inauthenticity can be about these traumatic experiences and not taking ownership of it, because I remember I'd gotten another girlfriend had broken up with me ‘cause I cheated again because I was lying again. I'm like 26 or 27, this is that window I was telling you, one step forward, a million steps back, right. And I'm sitting with one of my friends and it just dawned on me, I was like, dude, I'm always lying to people, I'm always trying to create a life that is not about having openness and an open heart and an open mind and it hit me really hard because I had said something and I wish somebody would've smacked me in the face when I said this, but like, Oh, don't know, we were kids and it, and I said, the most dangerous sentence in the English dictionary and the English language, probably in the whole human language, however you translate wherever you live, I said, this is just who I am, and Joseph, man, that is the most dangerous thing you could ever say, it's the ultimate fixed mindset, this is just who I am, well, guess what? Keep being that fucking person, and watch your life, stay the same.
Joseph: Yep, yep, and it's not who you are, it's who you choose to be that's keeping you.
Michael: And that's the thing people don't wanna hear, man.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Michael: They don't want to hear that, and I didn't want to hear it either, like I've raised my hand all day about that, I had so many friends be like, dude, get your shit together, but it wasn't until I made the decision, and what I'm always trying to teach people is that your life can literally be different like that. If you're willing, I have got to figure out who said this quote, it's in, it's stoicism, and I wanna say that it was Marcus Aurelius, but I don't remember, so I'm gonna misquote who actually said this, but they said a coward dies a thousand deaths, a courageous man dies one, and I died a thousand deaths in my twenties, man, by not facing the truth, by not facing life, by not making the decisions to be the person that I am today, and that's the thing, man, like, you have to realize, like you gotta, It's hard, it's uncomfortable, it's ugly, it's messy, it sucks, it's not fun, it hurts, but if you don't do this, nobody else is going to, that's, there ain't no Disney moment and nobody's coming to save your ass, so you've got to make a decision and it sucks, and I'm sorry, and you have every right in the world to play a victim, Joseph, your story, man, I know your story, you have every right to play a victim, but what are you gonna do about it, man, and that's the thing like people have to hold onto, you see it all the time. I watch the desperation in people's eyes, the suffering in their eyes. I see them, I feel them, their energy, ‘cause we feel each other man. Just part of the human experience like, and anyone who argues about that isn't paying attention. And when you feel that energy about that person that is in the stuckness, it's like motherfucker, if you just make one decision differently than what you just made today, so over the course of a year, you would've made 365 different decisions. And if you make 365 different decisions, your life will be different, and I'm not even, I'm not even saying better. Let's be very clear about that.
Joseph: That's just different.
Michael: Different. That's it, a hundred percent.
Joseph: Yeah, you know, Michael, it's something I've been saying for a while now and it's something that I kind of realized through just my own podcast and just sharing my story and things like that, and you're right there is, I believe that vulnerability, us being vulnerable brings healing to us, but it's our transparency, and you said it, the authenticity, the, being authentic. It's the transparency that brings healing to other people, you know, because, I grew up, not only did I grow up in a faith-based family, but I also grew up with a dad that was a 20 year, Marine Corps veteran, I joined the Marine Corps, so everything was very hard driven to me. So my influence happens to be a way that I influence a lot. So when people are down in the dirt sometimes, just like, Man, I wanna stick a foot up your ass and like, get you moving. But yet some people, if we don't come across in a very loving and that that authentic way, that transparent way, that vulnerable way, people just feel like it's another beat down, you know, and they don't want to move, you know, and that's why I listen. I love being motivated just like anybody else does, but we know that motivation only lasts for what? 36, 48, 72 hours, you know? And then it's, you know, it's the influence that we have to make, it's that, like you said, is being authentic because you don't have to go far to realize someone's BS in you know, if you sell long enough, even something on social media or you're sharing something, you can tell who's BS in everybody, you know, and so that, going back to being authentic, man, I think you hit the nail on the head about that because it's, the world needs more people like you, not necessarily somebody that's gone through trauma, but somebody that's willing to share the story about what they've gone, because you're writing your own story right now, and every story has a villain and which one are you gonna be?
Michael: Yep, and look man, it's hard too. And I get canceled on the internet all the time, like I don't care, I'm not gonna stop. I'm un cancellable, you're not gonna stop me, because you don't like the way I think. And look, and I'll say this ‘cause this is really, really, really important, taken out of contact people will, you could pull a single clip from anything I've said and you could post it on social and people would destroy, right, because context is missing. So I want people to remember this, like, context is everything, don't listen to any gurus, don't listen to any coaches, don't listen to any podcasts, don't listen to any books, don't listen to shit except what feels true for you. That's, that's it, that's it, and part of that too is, is recognizing like you have to understand what works for you because I am, I'll kick myself in the ass all day because I spent 26 years of my life quitting.
Joseph: Yeah, dude, I'm right there.
Michael: And that doesn't mean I don't have compassion and grace and empathy ‘cause I do, but I can promise you when I sit here and I look at this whiteboard that you cannot see, and it is covered with tick marks for to-do list for things that I need to do to change the world, the high end goals, the ideas, the, the execution, the leadership things, the funnel things, the lead things, the sales things, all the things that it requires to be an entrepreneur, a business owner, and a purpose driven person, those motherfucking box aren't gonna tick themselves, and there are days I do not wanna do this, and there are days where I don't wanna show up, and there are days where I just, dude, there is nothing better than sitting at home, getting stoned, eating gummy bears, playing video games, eating pizza, and hooking up with strangers, but if I do that, as that authentic about the life that I want to create, and youve gotta have clarity about that. You've got to, and, and that's where you start this journey.
Joseph: Yeah, you know, you talked about just, you know, making, just doing something different once a day, every day of the year, you know, I think some people just over complicate, you know, when I, it's true, when my wife and dad died, I'm just like, man, I didn't wanna get out of bed, dude, depression was starting to hit me, and I would say that it wasn't, but I know that it was, you know, it was just hitting me different than probably some other people, you know, and I just didn't wanna do anything, I didn't feel sorry for myself, I just didn't wanna do anything, you know, but I realized that man, we all, we all hear about 1, 3, 5, 10 year goals, right? We've all done that at some point, our vision boards and different things like that. But when you go through either trauma or you're in the middle of it, you're in the middle of depression, you can't think one year at a time. Forget your 3, 5, 7, 10 year, whatever goals you want, man, you gotta think about, just, just do one thing, it may be just from laying down in bed to sitting up, Who cares about getting out of bed? Just sit.
Joseph: Just do some, and that's the thing, one thing different tomorrow you sit up and you put your feet on the floor, lay back down five minutes later, but do something different because that one little thing that you talked about the next day, the next day, it's the guy going to the gym for five minutes, eventually, he's like, I can't do this for five minutes anymore, I want more.
Michael: At the beginning of this journey, man, like for real, for real, when I was like at the bottom, it was like the one thing I could do was brush my teeth, and like now it's 10 years later, it's very different. The least thing I could do is brush my teeth, right? And the least thing I can do is pop on a podcast, write a book, created another course, well, but dude, at the beginning it was like, can I take a shower today? Can I take my fucking trash out? Can I clean my bedroom? Like, dude, I wish I had a picture somewhere of what my bedroom used to look like, disgusting, disgusting. And it's like, dude, we all start somewhere, like, don't, I'm not higher than, I'm not holier, I'm not mightier, I don't know shit, I don't, I'm just fucking disciplined now, and I'm still probably not as disciplined as I could be, but then I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this, compared to where I was, life is different.
Joseph: Yeah, a hundred percent man, a hundred percent. Michael, where did the name Think Unbroken come from?
Michael: So that came from about four years ago, I got in this massive argument with somebody, not like a physical altercation, not even yelling, just an, and they were like, you're broken, and I'm laying in bed that night, man, and I just, I can't sleep, and it was like three o'clock in the morning and I had a blog at the time under a totally different name where I was just sharing what I was learning, hoping that it would help people, and I was posting on social and stuff and, it hit me, I was like, man, you know what? That's not who I am, that's not how I act, that's not how I think, and it was like a lightning bolt, man, I was just like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, this is what it is, I'm supposed to be sharing my story and the tools that I've learned to get myself unstuck, to be the hero of my own story with people who are trapped, and all these years later, here I am, and you know, from that, it's been incredible, it's been having a business partner and an investment in Grant Cardone, it's speaking on the biggest stages in the world, it's having people on my podcast like Tim's story, Tom Bilyeu, Anna Lembke, Caroline Leaf being a guest on shows like, this, which I freaking love your shown what you do like ask, Gary V. Entrepreneur is on fire, it's writing a best selling book when mother a hundred agents told me no, right, it's having a top 10 podcast in the world when I first started the show under a blanket holding a Zoom recorder under my desk ‘cause I didn't know what I was doing and it was just like everything is just about one step at a time, and recognizing like think unbroken is literal, it's a literal thing, if you do not change the way you think, nothing about your life will be different, and it's all about understanding causation and correlation, creating reframes and giving yourself the space and the grace to fail knowing that every failure is going to lead you to better understanding who you are, and instead of beating yourself up about it, you simply acknowledge it and say, Oh, I learned something today.
Joseph: Right, yeah. Michael, what's something that you can share with the audience, like, you know, I mean, you've been through some hell, you know, we all go through it, you know, but what would be some tips, or what would be your encouragement to them if they find their themselves in a dark place, whether it's relative to my story, relative to yours, or even somebody else's, you know, cause we all have our own story. What's something you can share with them that helps them get them out of where the way they're thinking and where they're at?
Michael: Go back and listen to the tools are right here, pay attention, but most importantly, like that's, that's an easy answer, right? There's a lot, we covered a lot here, there's a lot of practicality in what we just talked about, but it's the execution that matters, action is a cure all, whether you like it or not, like people are always like, I wanna run a marathon, I'm like, motherfucker, you didn't even put on your shoes yet, right? People are like, oh, I wanna write a book, dude, you didn't even write a line, people are like, oh, I want to heal my life, you didn't even acknowledge that something happened yet, start where you're at and keep it real, stop worrying about 10, 20, 50 years from now and get focused on today, don't ruminate on the past, it's over, it's over. You cannot change it, I'm sorry, it fucking sucks, but you can't and don't catastrophize the future because you don't think you're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough ‘cause you don't know yet ‘cause you ain't tried, and what you have to do is get massive clarity about the person that you want to be, you take a piece of paper and you write it out and you get clear about your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual, financial, health, and you write down and define exactly who you are, you create your values, who are you? What do you stand for? You identify your boundaries, what will you and will you not allow in your life? You figure out your wants, your needs, your interests, you find a community you move towards every single day, creating the life that you have that you want to have, and you ask your and I'm telling you, dude, everything that I just said for the last hour is a complete waste of your time if you do not do one thing, you ask yourself this question, what am I willing to do to have the life that I want to have? And if the answer is anything short of no excuses, just results, then turn this the fuck off.
Joseph: That's good stuff, dude, he gave me freaking chill bonds, man, I just, ‘cause I know you're real, Michael, you know, and I know, you know, seeing you in person and talking with you in person at Grant’s, you know, and hearing your story repeatedly, guys, I can't tell y'all enough that Michael is not only just, you know, I think unbroken, but you know, he's the real deal, and when I say authentic, this is a man that's pouring out his heart, and guys, you're ruining your own life, if by not you're making big mistakes, by not taking his advice, you know, this is a man that's lived it and has gone from, you know, 30 different homes, you know, and how many months was it, Michael, just in a few short weeks?
Michael: Over four years, okay, always bouncing.
Joseph: Yeah, to not homeless, when people think homeless a think of just living under a bridge and that's it, you know, but you bounced around the emotional, the emotions behind that. I mean, the influence behind that that you had, you know, but yet you found a way to be where you're at now, and I know your story's not done, I can't wait to a year from now to see where you're at, you know, because I know you're not gonna be in the same place, even though you would probably say you're in a really, really great place right now, you know? Yeah. Michael, where, you've written a book, you've written more than one book, you know, you've got your podcast, what is the best way that people can find you? Is it going to your podcast? You wanna take this time and just share what you want to with people and how they can get connected with you?
Michael: Yeah, man, I'm everyone social at Michael Unbroken, and my team does not check my social media. I am the only one and so if you DM me and that's ‘cause sometimes people send me some heavy shit, I'm the only person who will see it, so you're a welcome to reach out to me at Michael Unbroken on all the socials to, everything I teach is literally for free, if you go to the Think Unbroken podcast, look up, Think Unbroken podcast on YouTube or thinkunbrokenpodcast.com, and my books are free, everything's free, literally all of it's free.
Joseph: And guys, just to say something about his book is I read his book not only for myself, but also things that I can learn from when it comes to my clients. And I've already actually already referred several people to his book because of men seem to be a harder people to break through emotionally, especially with to a man on man than women, women seem to open up a lot quicker, you know, so knowing that this has come from a man, I actually used Michael's content and his books, as a way to help people out because I know it's something that's helped me out, so, brother, I can't thank you enough for what you've done, you know, taking, not being a victim of your story, but truly being a victor, being prestigious, you know, and what you do and being a hero, learning to understand how to be a hero of your own story, you know, I like to say I'm still learning how to you and brother, I'm glad to call you a friend and truly, you know, truly honored that you would come onto the show and just, I can't thank you enough, brother.
Michael: Yeah, anytime my friend, it's an absolute pleasure, I'm proud of you and what you do, man, it's great to be a part of this and be a part of what you're trying to do and create in the world and be in that amount of alignment, and so it's an honor, and anytime, brother.
Joseph: Thank you my friend.