Shownotes
- Parenting is NOT primarily about behavioral modification.
- Why if you don’t believe God is truly great, you’ll try to control everything in your kids’ life.
- Truths about God that are behind all of your kids’ actions (and yours).
- 4 truths about God (his character and how he acts in the world) that dramatically speak into how we’re currently parenting.
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living. Everyday Disciple Workshop - Get Access Now! Get Caesar's Book TRANSFORMED today. Discipleship Resources from Missio Publishing
Transcripts
God is great, so I don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:So now think of a situation last time that happened.
Caesar Kalinowski:What if in the moment you went like, okay, God, you are great.
Caesar Kalinowski:I really can't control their choices and what comes out of their mouth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I'm gonna continue to parent them and explain what maybe why that hurt their sister, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:but full well knowing they might do it again because I'm not in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:What changes in your heart if you hand that over to God and say, God, you are great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, and there's probably gonna be consequences, and there'll be things in their relationship that they'll have to make amends for, but maybe that'll teach them how life works and how to get along with others that.
Heath Hollensbe:Well takes pressure off.
Heath Hollensbe:And then also the self-doubt that I like when I beat myself up over that.
Heath Hollensbe:Like it's not just the relationship between me and them in that situation, but I go like, man, I failed as a parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why can't I get it fixed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why can't I?
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I just wanna remind you, man,
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, God is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so you don't have.
Caesar Kalinowski:To be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Parenting is not controlling our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like we said earlier, it's not about behavioral modification.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith.
Heath Hollensbe:That naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey brother Heath.
Caesar Kalinowski:How you doing, man?
Caesar Kalinowski:Good.
Caesar Kalinowski:How are you doing?
Caesar Kalinowski:How's your kids doing?
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kids
Heath Hollensbe:are good.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, they're.
Heath Hollensbe:They're wild.
Heath Hollensbe:Wait, no, they're doing all right.
Heath Hollensbe:They're, they love learning, man.
Heath Hollensbe:They all learn differently.
Heath Hollensbe:Passionate about, we've got one that's really into science and one that is really into art and loves like a pottery sort of stuff.
Heath Hollensbe:Does
Caesar Kalinowski:it follow their personalities?
Caesar Kalinowski:Totally.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, absolutely.
Heath Hollensbe:, we were building, uh, even the other day, we, we had this thing with hairspray and a container with ice cubes and hot water, and.
Heath Hollensbe:No, you make
Caesar Kalinowski:hair fire.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh,
Caesar Kalinowski:. Heath Hollensbe: See like make your clouds in this glass.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's
Caesar Kalinowski:wild.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do not attempt this at home.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, don't do not
Caesar Kalinowski:But the kids are doing good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Awesome brother.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're so awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:We gotta get 'em over again.
Heath Hollensbe:I know.
Heath Hollensbe:It needs to, needs to happen.
Heath Hollensbe:Hey, uh, let's talk about a review we got, okay.
Heath Hollensbe:From Sleeper Guy 57.
Heath Hollensbe:I was thinking about kids and how I get no sleep and this sleeper guy is somebody I want to know.
Heath Hollensbe:There you go.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, because I need more sleep.
Heath Hollensbe:But he said, uh, The show and these guys are the real deal.
Heath Hollensbe:Every episode speaks to me.
Heath Hollensbe:The idea of becoming Gospel fluent is amazing and yet so foundational.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay?
Heath Hollensbe:How many of us actually live this way?
Heath Hollensbe:These guys in this podcast are definitely worth your valuable time to listen to and apply to your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, thank you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sleeper guy.
Caesar Kalinowski:57.
Caesar Kalinowski:57.
Caesar Kalinowski:I dunno if you're 57 or if you're born in 57 or you like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Steak sauce or what?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sleeps 57 hours, a hours a week, so, awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Good for you.
Caesar Kalinowski:But thanks for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a generous and gracious review, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright.
Heath Hollensbe:Caesar, today we're talking about parenting.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, you know it, I know it.
Heath Hollensbe:Parenting is really difficult.
Heath Hollensbe:I think every parent actually grasps this and understands
Caesar Kalinowski:it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I thought owning a restaurant was hard.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nothing compared to parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Parenting man, it's 24 7
Caesar Kalinowski:. Heath Hollensbe: You know, it's, it's sad because at times I wonder.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm sure like every parent, if I'm doing this right or if I'm actually really jacking up my kids and, uh, both.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm,
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm thinking that's probably.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thank goodness for grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thank God for grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now you're,
Heath Hollensbe:we, we, we tease you as the old buck sometimes, and you've got some kids, all your kids are outta the house and married and you know Justine, but now they're starting to have kids of their own.
Heath Hollensbe:You're in a different season.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next year my youngest turns 30.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm dating myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, my people are listening, going, no way, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're not that old.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was eight.
Caesar Kalinowski:Tina and I were eight when we got married.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Started having babies at 11.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I am not that old, but I'm kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:. No, I am an old buck.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, uh, no, Tina, your kids turned out well.
Caesar Kalinowski:They, you know what they really did.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, and I'd like to take all the credit for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if I was to physically, uh, emotionally, like take credit, I'd have to, truth would be, Tina would get most of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Heath Hollensbe: Well, when they were growing up, did you feel at times like, man, we are really screwing
Caesar Kalinowski:them
Heath Hollensbe:up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's why I can't take credit cuz I, I can look back and it's God for sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I look back and then, and I, I go, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now here's what's cool though.
Caesar Kalinowski:We have had a lot of conver, we have a lot of conversations with our adult kids who are some of our best friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know this Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, about those days.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or they'll bring up something now that they're parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they'll say like, I remember when you did this, or you and Ma said this, huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:That was whack.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:And we'll go, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, that's cuz that was sinful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I wanna tell you why and I wanna repent of it and I'm really, really sorry.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, so here's, here's the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Grace covers.
Caesar Kalinowski:More than you'll ever know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're honest and humble with your kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:In other words, right now, like when you screw up, tell your kids, you know what?
Caesar Kalinowski:That conversation yesterday that didn't go, that wasn't like Jesus would've had it, daddy was mad and I said this, her mom and I were, you know, we had just been talking about something and we were kind of upset about it, and that leaked on you.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I want to ask you to forgive me, like if you're honest, and that's the posture you have, even as an imperfect parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Grace covers it in the moment, but I'm telling you now, I look back or I look at my kids now in their adult life and I go, wow, it's a hundredth percent better than our, our parenting should have turned them out.
Caesar Kalinowski:It just is like crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Grace is so, so big, but I'll tell ya.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, Some of the stuff we're gonna talk about this today, um, is gonna help a lot and, and, you know, and, and we're not gonna talk about tricks and tactics and how to get your kids to do this and stop doing that and we'll leave all that stuff to James Dobson.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I've raised some very strong-willed kids and I'm thankful for his books, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I'm not gonna get into that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Parenting's not just about behavioral modification.
Caesar Kalinowski:And today I wanna address our own as parents, our underlying faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:And belief in who God is and how that speaks into how we get to parent our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we all would say, oh, you know, this is, yeah, I know God's this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm like, Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna guess as we get into this a little bit, um, that.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's different than you think and there's some unbelief going on in your heart and head as you parent your kids all the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it affects it a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is, this is gonna challenge you deeply today, I think.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it will, it, it, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hopefully it'll also change you.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, by the way, I wanna tip my hat to anyone listening, especially if you don't have kids and think this won't apply to you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, this stuff we'll talk through is gonna uncover today a.
Caesar Kalinowski:About our hearts and how we deal with people and Disciple people and lead others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you ever have friends or family or have a job or anything, this is still gonna be straight correlation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because it's not tips and tricks.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when your kid smacks, his little sisters say that it's not that today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:As our
Heath Hollensbe:listeners who listen every week may have recognized, you and I are kind of search dogs, always trying to figure out the thing behind the thing.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Regardless of whatever topic or issues that we're actually addressing.
Heath Hollensbe:And I think when it comes to parenting and the success, Failures or stress connected to all of it.
Heath Hollensbe:Stuff like that.
Heath Hollensbe:You've got some pretty powerful connections to several truths that are actually about God.
Heath Hollensbe:Mm-hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:and what he's like that personally have really set my heart free when it comes to my own parenting challenges.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's some of the stuff we wanna share today.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, and, and when it comes to parenting our kids, what we believe to be true about God is probably the most important factor in how we parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let me say it again.
Caesar Kalinowski:When it comes to parenting our kids, what we believe to be true about God, especially in the moment yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, is probably the most important factor in how we'll parent our kids and what we really think our job or our role is in raising babies to become adults.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so there are four eternal truths about God and his character and how he acts in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:, if we believe them, they dramatically speak into how we're currently parenting and how we get to parent in light of those truths.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, uh, we've actually talked about these four truths before we call 'em the four G's.
Heath Hollensbe:Mm-hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:, uh, they come from Tim Chester, who's a friend.
Heath Hollensbe:Right?
Heath Hollensbe:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we did an episode.
Caesar Kalinowski:Brilliant.
Caesar Kalinowski:Author.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And yeah, we just keep piling these four G's cuz they just, they apply to so many things.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you
Heath Hollensbe:know what's crazy?
Heath Hollensbe:Every context, like I was talking to a guy the other night after scars and theology and he's.
Heath Hollensbe:Man, if I had to take something I learned over last year applying the four Gs to every aspect of life.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:It's just Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Every situation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's why when we wanted to, you know, do an episode on parenting, I'm like, uh, do four Gs for parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the filters, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you might want to go back and listen to the last episode to get a full dose of these four eternal truths.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna read 'em first and then we'll go back over 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just let these wash over as you're hearing them, let 'em wash over your head and your heart connected to your parenting and your kids, just as I read through 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here, and we call 'em the four G's, cuz every one of 'em is something about God that starts with a G, the word G.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:So first one is God is great, and there's a corresponding statement that goes with him, okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is where like, ooh, the conviction starts to fall.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about your parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is great, so I don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next one is God is glorious, so I don't have to fear others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:On what they think, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a right pause conviction.
Caesar Kalinowski:, no joke.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just pause it.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's another eternal truth about him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everything he does is good, so I don't have to look elsewhere for my satisfaction way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do we unpack that one and then the fourth one, almost like a summary of all of 'em, but different is God is gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:so I don't have to prove myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:. So we'll, we'll start
Heath Hollensbe:even just hearing those again, man, by themselves.
Heath Hollensbe:It's convicting, uh, especially on some of the current aspects of my parenting.
Heath Hollensbe:Or actually maybe I should say Kathleen's parenting, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:. She listening to this . I hope not.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm calling her.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm tweeting.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm texting her right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right, let's go through these and just like with your van, if you're so graciously agree, we'll just kind of dig out and your parenting issue.
Caesar Kalinowski:? Yes, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Connected to each.
Caesar Kalinowski:So first one is God is, He's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's omnipotent, he's all powerful.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we all go, yeah, that's true.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nod.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, nod.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everybody nods.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I don't have to be in control of everything in my kid's life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Which, Is different than saying like, I don't have to be like, my kids can do whatever they want cause I don't need to be in control of that situation.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:Or I don't
Caesar Kalinowski:have to have concern or whatever, but Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't have to control every little thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because God is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:So let me, let's, let's diagnosis this a little bit or unpack this by saying, so what comes to mind when I say Heath?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like with your kids, what is something you go like, man, I feel like out of control there.
Caesar Kalinowski:They, they, when this one does this one, it bugs the heck outta me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I just can't get 'em to change.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:For me it's the, the name calling and the, the way that they constantly speak to one another cuz it gets in this, when you got four of 'em and you start the vortex of name calling and, and bashing, it's like good luck trying to, to break that thing up.
Heath Hollensbe:So I find myself constantly.
Heath Hollensbe:on edge listening to, to wait for that to start.
Heath Hollensbe:So then I have to step and attack it because I don't think, yeah, I, I have to be the savior in that
Caesar Kalinowski:situation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that's right.
Caesar Kalinowski:So see, you just said something key there.
Caesar Kalinowski:I have to be the savior.
Caesar Kalinowski:In other words, I have to be God in that situation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But how good are you at making that happen?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like as soon as you say it, does it just get better and they never do again?
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's only every few minutes.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You wouldn't be bringing it up if that was the case.
Caesar Kalinowski:So the truth is you're not in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because why?
Caesar Kalinowski:Because they're a little humans with choice.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now do you care about it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Of course but . God is great, so I don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:So now think of a situation last time that happened.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe it was right before you came over . Um, like what if in the moment you went like, okay, God, you are great.
Caesar Kalinowski:I really can't control their choices and what comes out of their mouth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Um, I'm gonna continue to parent them and explain what maybe why that hurt their sister, whatever, but full well knowing they might do it again because I'm not in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what changes in your heart if you hand that over to God and say, God you are great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And there's probably gonna be consequences and there'll be things in their relationship that they'll have to make amends for, but maybe that'll teach them how life works and.
Caesar Kalinowski:get along with others that
Heath Hollensbe:well takes pressure off.
Heath Hollensbe:And then also the self-doubt that I like when I beat myself up over that.
Heath Hollensbe:. It's not just the, the relationship between me and them in that situation, but I go like, man, I failed as a parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why can't I get this Heath isn't great fixed?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why can't I?
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I just wanna remind you, man, . Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so you don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:parenting is not controlling our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:We said earlier, it's not about behavioral modification.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Parenting them is helping 'em understand what's the thing behind their thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and honey, let's talk about why you called your sister that, do you think that, you know, and it, and they might do it a million more times.
Caesar Kalinowski:You've done your job as a parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:So thinking like there they go again.
Caesar Kalinowski:I must suck as a parent is going, I must suck at being God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, guess what you do.
Caesar Kalinowski:You do . That's true.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're not God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So God is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you're listening to this, fill in the blank, you still parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But the outcome is their choice and ultimately God's.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so it takes so much pressure off.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh my gosh.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I would say this too, when you're feeling that, and it's very real to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember that God's God and you're not in their life.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then remember, pray to God, talk to God about your kids' behavior more than you talk to your kids about their behavior.
Caesar Kalinowski:That seems impossible, but it'll change your parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's golden.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next one.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is glorious.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we've, we've said this plenty of times on the, on the show before, the word glory means the way God is.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's the original, he's the preeminent, he's the source.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's the most amazing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, God is glorious, so I don't have to fear others, meaning.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what?
Caesar Kalinowski:People look at me or they think about how I'm raising my kids or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God's the glorious one.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I just wanna tell you, he looks at you, Heath, he looks at everybody who's listening to this as parents today and he goes, I love you.
Caesar Kalinowski:I gave you those kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, those are really my kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:What I think about you is all that really matters.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So what, what comes to mind when you think about, oh God is glorious so I don't have to fear others Where.
Caesar Kalinowski:Where do you get uptight about what others are thinking about your kids?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, the first situation
Heath Hollensbe:that comes to mind is just the pressure that I put on my kids to, to be
Caesar Kalinowski:like, I'm sorry to do this to you man.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, it's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're like sweating bullets here.
Heath Hollensbe:Sorry.
Heath Hollensbe:That's good.
Heath Hollensbe:Um, so the other day at a friend's house and a couple that we absolutely adore.
Heath Hollensbe:They've got great kids, but very different.
Heath Hollensbe:I mean, Nothing's out of place.
Heath Hollensbe:It's quiet.
Heath Hollensbe:The books are, you know, they love to read and you know, and so I remember driving over there having a pep talk with my kids.
Heath Hollensbe:Like, I swear to God, if you guys show up to this thing and you're outta control the second, the second that happens, we're going home.
Heath Hollensbe:You're not gonna eat.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, and it was, Even as you're talking right now, I'm going like, who is glorious in this situation?
Heath Hollensbe:It's our friends, not God, like your friends the most, or explaining to our friends, like, oh, I'm sorry, they're, they're never like this.
Heath Hollensbe:I don't know why, what
Caesar Kalinowski:got into Then you're lying about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Cause they're always this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, totally.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're
Heath Hollensbe:kids.
Heath Hollensbe:But again, trying to
Caesar Kalinowski:put everyone else's kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:I just wanted everybody to know you have good kids, kids, they're just normal kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, they probably had the same pep talk with their.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kids before you showed up?
Caesar Kalinowski:No, the Hollensbes are coming.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're coming over.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're nice people.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's be on our best.
Caesar Kalinowski:Behavior.
Caesar Kalinowski:I swear to God, as soon as you don't, you're going to your room.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you look at the pressure of putting on on, so who was more glorious in that situation?
Caesar Kalinowski:The, the our friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Than God, the God of the universe who gave you those kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so think about what changes in your heart if you go the glorious one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your kids are kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:. And they might break something.
Caesar Kalinowski:They might be a little loud.
Caesar Kalinowski:They might get pouty and go sit in the corner and look weird.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But the glorious one says, I gave these kids, specifically these kids to specifically you two.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because I'm God and I know what I'm doing and I love you and I love your kids, and I already know how they're gonna turn out.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's all gonna be great, you know, for my glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't stress.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think what changes in your heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:I
Heath Hollensbe:mean, so much the, the pressure that I put on my kids too, like that is an immediate change.
Heath Hollensbe:The pressure.
Heath Hollensbe:I, because even my wife will say like, yeah, why are you so strung out over this?
Heath Hollensbe:Like, why?
Heath Hollensbe:Like why do we have these talk?
Caesar Kalinowski:They haven't even done anything
Heath Hollensbe:yet.
Heath Hollensbe:No, and I'm like, I'm expecting us to be leaving home embarrassed.
Heath Hollensbe:And so, , uh, man, God is glorious.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't need to fear Let that wash over you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, I don't want our listeners to hear like, so what?
Caesar Kalinowski:You just let your kids go ape nutty and, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, that's not the point.
Caesar Kalinowski:You don't, not parent, but see what shifts in your heart is you don't have to give 'em the pep talk and freaking beat 'em up and Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, threaten 'em on the way over and all.
Caesar Kalinowski:I still don't, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You just get to let 'em be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because here's what happens is when we.
Caesar Kalinowski:, and I'm not, I'm not pounding on you.
Caesar Kalinowski:I've done it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But here's the thing, when when we are that way, when we're so locked up with what everybody else is gonna think, and we have this fear of man thing is so big, everybody's so glorious, then.
Caesar Kalinowski:We pound our kids like before, during and after it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And what we do is we reinforce do to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're reinforcing in their little hearts.
Caesar Kalinowski:You have to act a certain way to be good kids or to be Or to be in my favor.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:In my favor.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You wanna go home with a happy dad tonight?
Caesar Kalinowski:You better act the way I'm telling you.
Caesar Kalinowski:So they go, God must be the same way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I gotta be a certain way and I gotta perform and be perfect for God to be happy.
Caesar Kalinowski:See this is big.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's huge, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's why, you know, we're telling people like, Hey, you don't have kids yet.
Caesar Kalinowski:This still applies to you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, think about other people in your life, the same thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like where I'm going nuts and I'm all stressed and I'm stressing on them cuz I'm worried someone else is gonna look at me and go, oh, what kind of parent are you?
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're not thinking that they're, they're not most cases.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's right, . Um, God is, this is the next one.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:He always does what is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:He only does what is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:We learned from the story so I don't have to look elsewhere for my satisfaction.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, you know how we uncover this one where we're not believing God is good in our family or in with our parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's what do we complain about or what do we wish was different about my kids or, you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what?
Caesar Kalinowski:What's that constant and dripping nagging thing where we wish was different?
Caesar Kalinowski:If only this, and it might not even be about them.
Caesar Kalinowski:It might be like, If only we made more money, then I could send him to this school, not that school.
Caesar Kalinowski:So my kid's acting up, but it's only cuz he's at this like dump school or what, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's like, well what we're believing is God's not good.
Caesar Kalinowski:See God, you're good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm wanna say, God, you're good.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're good to the universe, but not specifically my family.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're not good enough.
Caesar Kalinowski:You could be gooder when it comes to me getting my kids in this situation, or you know, what'd be gooder.
Caesar Kalinowski:If my oldest was this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Instead of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I'm saying?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So what, what comes to mind for you?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what.
Caesar Kalinowski:When you're thinking about is God really good and, and always good, so I don't have to look elsewhere for my satisfaction?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I think it's the way that I'm constantly comparing my kids to like, well, they're not, yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:It's conversations between me and my wife saying like, Why, why are our kids not normal?
Heath Hollensbe:Like why, why can't they like, you know, why can't they be like so-and-so, or why can't they be like a normal human?
Heath Hollensbe:Like there's no other parents in the world that have to deal with a kid that does this and it's this.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:It's like I'm not believing that God is good in
Caesar Kalinowski:that situation and he's not.
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:God gave you a defective kid.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Somehow escaped, you know, the factory and now he's got this thing going on, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:. And, and you know, and I want parents to hear this too, that have kids with special needs.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:. And he only does what is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he knows exactly who to give which kids to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And let me tell you this too.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is hard for us to hear.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just like in marriage, God gives us the spouse that we need to help conform us to Christ.
Caesar Kalinowski:God gives us kids preeminently so that together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:As we work out life and forgiveness and redemption, we're a picture of the Gospel happening.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's why we have kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So God gives us the kids that he knows will parent in a way that will give him the most glory, and he gives us kids that will transform us as a family most into the Gospel image that he's trying to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Display.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so we don't have to hope and wonder and grouse and freak out and look elsewhere for our satisfaction.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or sometimes it's not like, I wish they was different.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, well, when they're this age, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:When they get through this and then you find out, you know, next thing you know they're all out of the house and you, all you did was wait.
Caesar Kalinowski:Totally missed the mark.
Caesar Kalinowski:You missed it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I just want.
Caesar Kalinowski:What shifts if you just, if you, every day you got up and went like, God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:He made these kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like cuz we really didn't, you know, if we did, we'd make 'em different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we didn't have a choice.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, we had sex, we had fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe it was an accident, maybe it was on purpose nine months later, but, you know, maybe we adopted them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But God made those kids and he's now given us, us to steward and enjoy.
Caesar Kalinowski:But to show the world what he's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're good kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Back to creational order.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, they're very good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your kids are very good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everybody's kids listen to this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do they do certain things?
Caesar Kalinowski:You go, ah, that wasn't a good thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's not their identity.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not who God is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sees them as and his creative and o.
Caesar Kalinowski:If only we could see them as good as God sees them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly, man how beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Take it for granted.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, you know, take a deep breath, whatever you're facing today, and go, God, you're good.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I need to realign how I look at them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Personality traits or you know, like this one is so easy to hang out with one.
Caesar Kalinowski:This one's so I don't, not very fun hanging with them or whatever, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like you need to change your attitude about it in your perspective.
Caesar Kalinowski:Cuz God created 'em good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:He only does what is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:The fourth one is God is gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I don't have to prove myself, prove myself worthy, prove that I'm a good parent, prove to God like I'm not blowing it that bad, or, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or prove to or your spouse, like, you know, I know I've been working a lot lately, or I know I was gruff the other day, but, you know, so God is gracious, meaning you have.
Caesar Kalinowski:We have in Christ, all of God's unmerited favor, every sin, every bad attitude, every slip of our tongue, every intentional, unintentional sin, all forgiven, all paid for on the cross forgiven in Christ.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So to then say, well, let me try to earn now, you know, this approval, God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:By my actions, like, I'm gonna parent better this time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:You'll see in the next month I'm gonna, you know, it's actually almost.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think it's disdainful god's like, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:As if I didn't know, and that's why my son died.
Caesar Kalinowski:For you, it's
Heath Hollensbe:running to a law too, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Like it's, it's saying, well now I'll keep the law that'll fix me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, no, it's exactly fix you.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we're not believing that God is actually gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:When we're all locked up trying to prove ourself, like, well watch, I'm gonna prove.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:So what comes to mind?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like any areas where this affects your parenting or comes up?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah,
Heath Hollensbe:I, I was thinking about.
Heath Hollensbe:How hard Sometimes I come down on my kids and consequently to myself, and then I feel like there's this penance that I own.
Heath Hollensbe:So I, you know, if I'm, if I come down really hard on, usually my oldest, because he's the most like me, he's the most driven and, and stubborn, and I feel like, man, I have to, I've screwed up and in order to make God look beautiful, I have to like over, like over apologize, overdo it.
Heath Hollensbe:Buy stuff, buy gifts, take 'em out for daddy date.
Heath Hollensbe:. And I think that's the first thing that comes to mind is like, so, so
Caesar Kalinowski:right now, so now you're trying to prove yourself to them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're probably, I'm gonna guess, I mean, I don't know your heart, but you might also be trying to prove yourself to yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, come on, I'm not really that way and, and God and to my wife.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but what happens if you go, but grace, which is unmerited, For my screw-ups.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:For sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because if, when I'm, when I'm not, I don't need it, but it's, you know, grace abounds in sin, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Since I have God's Grace unlimited.
Caesar Kalinowski:, what changes?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, in our parenting I can,
Heath Hollensbe:well, I can rest in that, right?
Heath Hollensbe:And I can point, I can, I think this is the most beautiful time to be able to point your kids to, to the graciousness of God and
Caesar Kalinowski:be honest about where you fail.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's what I'm like,
Heath Hollensbe:we've really grown in that and going like, you know what?
Heath Hollensbe:Dad screwed up as a father and I'm not a perfect father.
Heath Hollensbe:I want to be, yeah, I wanna be like Jesus.
Heath Hollensbe:Like I wanna be like, God, he's a perfect father.
Heath Hollensbe:Here's where I screwed up.
Heath Hollensbe:Here's, can, will you forgive me cuz I need your forgiveness.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll tell you that Heath, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:What you're saying right there will transform your parenting and it, and it'll show that you believe in grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that you need grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So I think we live so often as Christians and as parents where we don't wanna look like we needed grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know, God, Jesus, I know you died for my sins wasn't that many were mine, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean the whole world's pretty small percentage were mine, you know, . Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's how we kind of think we look at everybody else and go, that guy though probably, probably die twice for him.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:, what are we modeling to our kids if we're always trying to prove ourselves?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then so now we, we parent the other direction, like you said, like, sure, now I'm buying 'em all this stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, you can stay up later.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So now we're not, not parenting very well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're saying, oh, you know what you, you don't need grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:You need to perform.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or you need to, it all goes
Heath Hollensbe:back to that do to be, which is crazy.
Heath Hollensbe:Cause I know in my life it's an overreaction to the way that I was parented.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:And so Sure often it is.
Heath Hollensbe:But the beautiful thing, even for the people listening to this show, they're like, I just, that feels really hard to me.
Heath Hollensbe:You're kids.
Heath Hollensbe:I've never once, no matter how bad I've blown it, and I've blown it a ton.
Heath Hollensbe:I've never once had my kid go, no, that's not a good enough apology.
Heath Hollensbe:They're so
Caesar Kalinowski:generous.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's always the opposite, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:My kids, of course, dad, they always gimme a pass.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm like, no, no, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't wanna pass.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was sinful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's why.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, and there's a tip too, when, when confessing to your kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was, that was wrong.
Caesar Kalinowski:Name.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sin and why?
Caesar Kalinowski:And own it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here was my unbelief.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was thinking this, I was trying to control you in the moment or I were think, I was thinking that, you know, if you would only be more like your sister and I said that to you and you know, honey, you be you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God's made you so good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm so, I love you so much.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm so proud of you and you know, you're, when you, when you can believe grace and show your need for grace and then go and apologize to your kids and name your sin and why, and ask them to forgive you, that is the, that is gold parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely not, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll, and I'll just, you know, you talk about my, your kids turn out great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not cuz of great parenting, but because of great grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're still getting to, we're still getting to have those conversations.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so here's also a little word of hope to everybody.
Caesar Kalinowski:You got, you got a long time to have these conversations.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And your kids will bring 'em up.
Caesar Kalinowski:My, my son in the last year has brought up at least twice to me, certain things that happened when he was a kid, or patterns of our relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:in pretty hard ways not to wound me.
Caesar Kalinowski:They were very much just us having a man-to-man conversation, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And now he's a father and we got to talk very honestly and openly about.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why that was wrong, how it hurt him, why that was sin, why I'm so grateful for grace, why?
Caesar Kalinowski:I can see that grace is evident in his life cuz he's not that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Not beautiful it, it's so beautiful, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now does it wound a little, yeah, but in the best way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, in the best way, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're
Heath Hollensbe:right, man.
Heath Hollensbe:That.
Heath Hollensbe:That relationship and the way that our kids are so forgiving and the way it's able now to be trans, like transposed between your relationship with little C and how he's coming to you still and that's gonna affect his relationship with his son.
Heath Hollensbe:I mean, it's just,
Caesar Kalinowski:yeah, it is.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's generation.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's amazing.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I can see, I can look back now and I can see where God is in fact.
Caesar Kalinowski:Great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, and I didn't have to try to control it like this part of their life or that all I did was drive a wedge.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, or I, you know, or I wasn't believing.
Caesar Kalinowski:He was the glorious one.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I wanted them to always be on their best behavior and perform and don't knock that over.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they did.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh my God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you know, he's been sick lately and I'm making all kinds of, you know, and I can see where God's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:All my kids are so amazing and unique and different, and they're good to people and they love people, and.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'll tell you, he's been gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I said, it's not the, I mean, all of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So hopefully this gives parents hope.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're feel like they're on their last rope.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, you know, our parenting and, and those changes, they don't start with behavioral modification.
Caesar Kalinowski:They start with us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Believing what's true about God and how he views us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, the thing I'm gonna brag about about this episode is that there's so many parenting books that, I mean, there's more parenting books than you can even imagine, right?
Heath Hollensbe:And they're.
Heath Hollensbe:Not all, but many of 'em lead to well do this, change this, like modify this, work harder on this, do more of this, do less of this.
Heath Hollensbe:And this is a totally different way of viewing, uh, Doing parenting in the way that
Caesar Kalinowski:you still parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But what's going on in your heart and in your relationship with your kids and therefore in their hearts?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Very different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Can be very different.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I know we've been moving quick.
Caesar Kalinowski:We could probably spend hours on this and maybe a whole book someday, who knows?
Caesar Kalinowski:But I love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll ask Tim
Heath Hollensbe:to write it.
Heath Hollensbe:. Well, let's do the big three for this week, and that's the three takeaways that we just want you to walk away with right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Minimally, the biggest things, don't miss these.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And you get 'em for free by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Print it out,
Heath Hollensbe:put it on your fridge.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, so Caesar, how would, what would you say the big three
Caesar Kalinowski:are for this week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, real quick.
Caesar Kalinowski:First one, parenting is not primarily about behavioral modification and getting our kids fed and to bed.
Caesar Kalinowski:I look back now at my parenting and so much of it felt like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, try to get 'em to behave, try to get 'em to not kill each other, don't make me look bad, get fed, get to bed, and like in 20 years you move out.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like how we parent our kids in light.
Caesar Kalinowski:And because of what we believe to be true about God will be a huge witness of, of your true faith to your children.
Caesar Kalinowski:Faith in word and action like you're letting your faith leak out in a big way, this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second one, God's love for you is not based on your performance as parents.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just let that soak in.
Caesar Kalinowski:It doesn't change.
Caesar Kalinowski:You might be the tiredest, laziest, angriest, whatever, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or gentlest and too soft or what God's love for you is not based on that.
Caesar Kalinowski:God loves you immeasurably and he's on your side, and we can be grateful that we have a perfect father.
Caesar Kalinowski:He is perfect, even though we're not perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:Guess what?
Caesar Kalinowski:We have the same Holy Spirit, his spirit, that perfect father's spirit that guided Jesus in his life perfectly, to now guide and comfort us through all the trials of parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hooray . That's so good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then believe that like if you don't believe in the Holy Spirit, then you don't believe in God, cuz he's, he is God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So you have that spirit of God in you to help you and your parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And third one, when feeling stress or tension as a parent, stop to ask yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:what you may not be believing to be true about God in that moment.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or in connection to the situation that you're facing with your child.
Caesar Kalinowski:So remember, God is great, so you don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is glorious.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you don't have to fear what others think right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's their issue.
Caesar Kalinowski:, yeah, God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you don't have to look elsewhere or wish your kids were different or some other situation in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's good and God is gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you don't have to prove yourself to your kids or yourself or your spouse or others, or.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love it, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I'm gonna also give you, in, in this week's big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, there'll be a link where you can print off a, a pretty cool little flyer of the four Gs.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's all designed and yeah, suitable for framing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, that's about it for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Again, if you haven't listened to the last week's episode where we really unpack the four Gs, we go deep.
Caesar Kalinowski:We dive in deep, and you can learn the true root of all human sin, your sin, my sin, others in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Go back, check out that episode right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're gonna dig it pretty sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, next week I have some special guests, some folks actually really good friends of mine who are true Disciple making practitioners, and they'll be talking with me about specific challenges they've faced in living out a lifestyle of discipleship and how they're overcoming those challenges.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna guess that you're probably gonna.
Caesar Kalinowski:relate to what they have and are experiencing as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:So please join me for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll talk to you soon.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.
