{"href":"http://player.captivate.fm/services/oembed?url=http%3A%2F%2Fplayer.captivate.fm%2Fepisode%2Fac96ee45-1fdb-43bd-a755-ec058392325d","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Captivate.FM","provider_url":"https://www.captivate.fm","width":600,"height":200,"type":"rich","html":"","title":"Surrogacy Abroad and in the UK","description":"This week we are discussing Surrogacy, both in the UK and abroad. Our first guest is Anna Buxton, mum of three children through two different surrogates. Anna talks us through her decision of how they reached surrogacy after a long and painful gynecological history and was told Surrogacy was her only hope as she would never carry.\r\n\r\n\r\nNot carrying your child and grieving for that loss\r\nAnna voices the fear of so many people considering surrogacy, \r\nThey were able to create embryos yet still it was v.difficult. Feels like you are giving up on the hope of ever carrying a child, your husband seeing you pregnant, you feel lost. \r\nRipple effect\u2026 you think you are going to get pregnant, then you realize it's not going to happen as you thought. She couldn\u2019t find anyone to talk to about surrogacy. \r\nStarted in the UK - charities, and agencies but all had really long waiting lists and they\u2019d already spent 5 years trying to get pregnant, and couldn\u2019t deal with another wait of 3 years. She found a few couples to talk to but didn\u2019t have access to the Insta community that exists today. \r\n\r\n\r\nAnna talks about how she now realizes that Surrogacy was the light at the end of the tunnel for them and how incredible the women are who do it. She describes how Surrogacy is so complex of the process was something she buried herself in which helped her almost deal with the grief of not being able to carry.\r\n\r\n\r\nSurrogacy in India\r\nIndia had the longest reputation of surrogacy but had been shrouded in bad press and was halted for a while. They visited 10 clinics and found a Dr and clinic they loved who were running a lovely program all centered around the wellness of the surrogate. They started the IVF process in the UK and then had egg collection and embryos fertilized in India and then were found a surrogate. She still had nobody to talk to about this. \r\n\r\n\r\nComplications of Surrogacy Abroad \r\nThe first step is to find a lawyer who is really experienced. \r\nThe pregnancy was difficult - people weren\u2019t talking about it, so Anna didn\u2019t tell hardly anyone until about 24 weeks. \r\nIt felt hard to believe\r\nShe worried that people thought she was undeserved of being pregnant because she wasn\u2019t carrying the bump. Anna describes skulking around John lewis looking at prams, terrified someone would ask her why she was there and she was asked who she was buying the pram for and she said she mumbled \u2018it\u2019s complicated\u2019 and walked off as she wasn\u2019t ready to tell a stranger. \r\nAnna explained how you never know if someone is going to say \u2018congrats\u2019 or if they will ask complicated questions. She walked away and ordered everything online. \r\n\r\n\r\nTelling Work \r\nAnna explained how they talked to close friends who were really supportive but she was worried about work as she was the first person who had done it, was concerned about her position. She told them at 24 weeks, however, they had no policy for anyone doing surrogacy. \r\n\r\n\r\nHow they talk to their children\r\n\r\n\r\nThey\u2019ve talked about how children are bought into the world. They have pictures and memorabilia of India all around. They talk about how Mummy\u2019s tummy is broken and another mummy helped to grow her. They celebrated Divali, making sure to normalize her culture and how she was bought into the world. Isla - 5 Always say thank you to Sheparla her surrogate and India. They don\u2019t have a relationship with her as she didn\u2019t want to and also doesn\u2019t speak English. Anna writes a letter every year to her clinic with a picture of Isla both to Sherparla and her children. It\u2019s different with the twins as they are in touch with Holly, her surrogate in San Diago, and has pictures of her in their nursery. They are still in contact with her. Surrogacy is an everyday conversation. \r\n\r\n\r\nFeeling conspicuous by not carrying her children\r\nShe didn\u2019t enjoy the pregnancies as she was so worried and now her children are 2 and 5 she knows she is no less of a mother despite not ...","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300,"thumbnail_url":"https://artwork.captivate.fm/768b2ba8-5f55-4c7d-9a52-4201ff08105a/cover-image-kt56anuy-thefertpod.png"}