{"href":"http://player.captivate.fm/services/oembed?url=http%3A%2F%2Fplayer.captivate.fm%2Fepisode%2Fe3a652f2-a26a-470e-9b41-8e86972b1fe3","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Captivate.FM","provider_url":"https://www.captivate.fm","width":600,"height":200,"type":"rich","html":"","title":"16 | When Self-Care Doesn't Work, Here's What Will","description":"She didn\u2019t see how badly she was hurting herself.\n\n\u201cI feel like I should be able to handle this,\u201d she admitted. \u201cI mean, she does so much for me. Who am I to complain?\u201d\n\nWe were halfway through our mentoring session. I paused, remaining silent on the other end of the phone line. The space between us told me to wait: I knew she wasn\u2019t finished yet.\n\n\u201cA part of me feels like I should just suck it up,\u201d she finished. Her throat tightened around her voice, holding back a tsunami of sadness.\n\nWhile spending Thanksgiving with her family, this incredibly deep, wise woman became embroiled in a familiar struggle with her mother.\n\nHer new haircut (too short), the mess her green smoothie made in the blender, how she wanted to go for a walk instead of visiting with the cousins-- her mom shot passive aggressive jabs at them all.\n\nNo matter how calm and compassionate this goddess was in her daily life, when she visited her family, it all seemed to fly out the window. Her mom seemed to know exactly which buttons to push, causing her to regress to a tempestuous five-year-old. Every time.\n\n\u201cLet\u2019s pause here,\u201d I inserted. \u201cI want to give some space to the part of you that feels like she can\u2019t handle this. The part of you who wants to complain. The part of you who doesn\u2019t want to suck it up. Can we let her be here, too?\u201d\n\nHer sadness swelled, and, through her sniffles, I could hear the tears starting to flow.\n\n\u201cYes, that\u2019s good,\u201d I encouraged, \u201cLet\u2019s give some space to the sadness.\u201d\n\nOver the years, I\u2019ve had countless conversations like this-- both with the women I mentor and with myself. \n\n \n\nWhen old wounds like this get triggered, no amount of self-care can soothe us. Why is this?\n\nAnytime there\u2019s an inner atmosphere of stress, we know that one of our inner family members isn\u2019t getting the attention it so needs and deserves.\n\nRather than colluding with our inner bully (and only increasing the emotional intensity we\u2019re feeling), we need to pause, listen, and be a good parent to ourselves.\n\nThis is the next step along our Heroine\u2019s Journey, which I spoke about on the second morning of our SHE Retreat in Mexico last month. \n\nAs the waves crashed to the shore in the background, and as we all settled deeper into our retreat together, I shared:\n\n*The root reason why life can feel like such a struggle. \n\n*The biggest challenge women face, and how to work with it. \n\n*The 2 things that need to be present to feel safe, loved, and accepted for who you are.\n\n*How to shift out of the stress response and inner turmoil -- immediately.\n\nAhhhhhh. Was that wisdom talk just what you needed to slow down, re-center, and reconnect to the sacred wholeness of your feminine being? I hope so, dear sister.\n\nWe women need to build rest, contemplative quiet, and loving connection into our lives. And it\u2019s incredible what 20 minutes here or there can do. \n\nImagine what would be possible in your life if you put this kind of pampering and spiritual practice on autopilot in 2016. If you had regular mini-retreats, daily self-care rituals, fiercely loving mentorship, and a supportive community to keep what matters most on your front burner. \n\nThat\u2019s just the beginning of The SHE School 2016: the only online course I\u2019ll teach next year. We begin our collective Heroine\u2019s Journey in February, but if your heart is already a YES, I\u2019m sharing a beautiful collection of early registration gifts: a LIVE tele-cast Visioning 2016 ritual, Life Design playbooks (where I share my favorite tools for health, life, business, and love), my women\u2019s yoga and meditation kits, and more. \n\nIf you\u2019re ready to transform in the year ahead\u2026 and your butterfly chrysalis feels a little lonely (or confusing!), I\u2019d love to welcome you to our growing circle.\n\nOur doors are open for Early Registration until December 12 \u2026 and I can\u2019t wait to welcome you.\n\nClick here to learn more about The SHE School 2016: www.TheSHESchool.com","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300,"thumbnail_url":"https://artwork.captivate.fm/a7ee2112-a804-49ea-b036-9f3de8b7be43/artworks-ttuzibyba2ax1fv3-76xuha-t3000x3000.jpg"}