In this episode of The CARTI Hopecast, host Adam Head sits down with LaKisha Johnson—educator, author, speaker, and mother of five—to share her remarkable journey of love, loss, and living forward.

After losing her husband Eric to complications from sickle cell disease and pulmonary hypertension, LaKisha faced the challenge of raising five sons while navigating grief, financial strain, and identity transformation. Through deeply personal reflection, she discusses the layers of caregiving, the mental toll of loss, and what it took to rediscover herself while holding her family together. Her story is a powerful reminder that hope, healing, and strength often grow from the hardest seasons of life.

Takeaways:

• Lakisha Johnson's journey exemplifies the profound strength that can emerge from personal loss and adversity, showcasing her resilience in the face of overwhelming challenges.
• The importance of community support and vulnerability becomes evident as Lakisha emphasizes the necessity of sharing one's story to inspire and uplift others navigating similar struggles.
• Lakisha's transformation from a grieving widow to an empowered advocate highlights the potential for growth and purpose following life's most difficult transitions.
• Through her narrative, she illustrates the concept that endings often signify new beginnings, urging listeners to embrace the continuous journey of life with hope and courage.
• Lakisha underscores the significance of recognizing one's inner strength during times of hardship, promoting the idea that personal trials can cultivate deep-seated courage and faith.
• The podcast reveals the profound impact of a supportive partner on personal development, as Lakisha reflects on her husband's influence and the wisdom he imparted to their family.

Referenced in this episode:

• The Launch: 10 Day Devotional For Anyone Who Wants To Start Anything
• Coffee and Conversations with LaKisha

Founded in 1976, CARTI delivers leading-edge cancer care in a compassionate, patient-centered environment. Our mission is to make trusted cancer care accessible for every patient we serve through compassion, innovation, and purpose.

The CARTI Hopecast shares authentic, meaningful stories that explore the human experience. Each episode features voices that reflect resilience, healing, and connection, creating space for listeners to feel seen and supported through life’s greatest challenges.

I remember one time we were walking into an event and I was behind him and he couldn't speak.

And he said, you're going to have to speak for me.

And I.

I said, I said, I cannot.

I whisper.

I said, I cannot feel your shoes.

And he said, you were never meant to.

You wear high heels.

As devastated as I am, as heartbroken as I am, there is some inner strength building that I don't even know I have.

If your hope can be restored through my story and it gives you a glimpse of.

To fight, because I think part of our making it or pushing forward is something inside of us tells us or gives us strength to fight.

And my story gives you a fight, then I'd rather give you my story so that I.

So that you can fight.

Today I have a conversation with Lakesha Johnson, educator, author, speaker and advocate for women navigating some of life's most difficult transitions.

Welcome to the car Tye HopeCast, where we explore stories that shape us journeys of resilience, hope and perseverance.

We seek the lessons that emerge when we face the unexpected and find strength in the struggle.

I'm Adam Head, your host and today I have the opportunity to sit down with Lakeisha Johnson, one whose story is filled with.

With hard earned wisdom.

From losing her husband and raising five sons through adversity, she's taken pain and turned it into purpose.

Lakisha, thank you for joining us today on the car Ty hopecast.

Oh, thank you for having me.

I'm excited to be here.

Well, before we get started, how are you today?

Good.

Today's a good day.

Today.

Today's a good day.

Always busy.

I'm a single mom now and so it comes with busyness but manageable.

Right?

So today is a good day.

That's good.

Taking it a day at a time.

You've lived through some seasons of deep challenge and transformation.

So I want to start by going back and just jumping right in.

If we can.

Can you share what life looked like for your family before everything changed?

Let me start here.

So my husband died 10 years ago.

It'll be 11 years this June.

And he was the stable force in our family.

I can be high wired at times and he's just mellow and grounded.

And I remember when he died, one of the things that I kept hearing habitually through the boys was I miss dad's wisdom.

I miss dad's wisdom.

I miss dad's wisdom.

And so that, that was.

That was what we were guided by.

He was one of the most loving, kindest men that I ever have ever just met.

And so our life was filled with a lot of him.

He filled a lot of the space in the home.

He brought things into perspective.

He gave us even a sense of purpose.

Before he made his transition, he used to wear a T shirt that said, no excuses.

It was a Nike T shirt.

And so he defined a lot for us.

To not quit, to not give up, to continue to have hope.

And I think we all held onto that so tightly.

So life for us, I always say, was full of grace.

We had many transitions because we dealt with many things in his health, but always so hopefully that whatever was happening wasn't the end of the thing.

It was just the beginning of something beautiful that could transpire.

That's the best way to put that.

Wow.

Well, after losing your husband, as you mentioned, specifically from complications from sickle cell and pulmonary hypertension, you suddenly found yourself parenting these five sons alone.

Yes.

If you would kind of take us back to that, kind of when that all hit and where you were with all that.

So the last two years, he also went into liver failure.

So sickle cell, like, you just have to understand sickle cell.

I always say it's the silent killer.

It's attacking those organs.

His liver had gone into failure.

We're dealing with pulmonary hypertension.

He's on 95% oxygen at home.

We've had multiple ICU stays.

We've got two sons in college, three still at home.

We're a homeschool.

He has a nonprofit organization that he is over and he is leading.

He has chaired the legislative task force in the state of Arkansas for sickle cell.

We have an adult clinic now because of his drive.

And just.

And so all of this is still going on while we're losing him.

He came to me, and he was just very bold.

He said, I'm taking myself off all my medications.

Besides pain, that meant everything for pulmonary hypertension, that meant every.

He said, I'm taking myself off all my medications.

I will no longer.

Because his doctor used blood transfusions just to increase the longevity of his life.

I'm not getting another blood transfusion.

And he was a man of faith, and he goes, if something miraculous has to happen, that I'm leaving it right in this position here.

But what I don't want to do is I don't want to live life like this any longer.

And we had a hospital Stay.

And he was just.

He called me up there, and he talked to me.

And I remember looking at him and saying to him, I'm losing you.

And he looks back at me, and then I.

And he just gives me this look.

And I say, and you're going to leave me here because there was some humor between us in strange moments, you're gonna leave me here with these five kids, and if permissible when we get to heaven, I'm gonna beat you up.

Like, that was what I said to him in that moment.

Because, like, five.

Like five and five sons, not a mix of daughters.

Five sons with all different personalities.

And he looks at me and he's like, but I gotta go.

He just was peculiar.

And I'm like, man, because this is not the life that I want you guys to live like.

And I know for a fact that your loyalty to me will allow you to take care of me for the rest of your life.

And I know that you were not designed for just that.

This world has need of you.

And it sounds amazing in the moment, but my heart was broken, grieved, overwhelmed.

And I'm thinking of pivotal moments in these transitions.

Yeah, we get to Easter weekend.

So East Easter weekend for us is not.

Not a celebratory weekend.

Because he was getting closer.

He was writing notes.

He was telling me, remember what this is?

He was purging the house, cleaning up things in the house, remembering projects.

And I'm gonna be honest.

At first, I'm like, man, we're getting ready to see this miracle.

Because he had energy like he never had before.

He's only taking a couple of pain pills a day.

And then we get to closer to, like, March or maybe April.

And we had a son graduating that year as well.

And he.

He says, I need you to do me a favor.

And he says, I need to talk to my sons before I can't.

And I need you to get the big boys home.

And so I have to make a phone call with as little information, you know, but as much.

Much information.

And I remember my one son in Arkansas State, the other son at Abilene.

And Mary, he's married at the time.

And I'm like, I need y'all to get home this weekend.

I'm transferring money to accounts.

Like, just get here.

And they're like, mom, what's going on?

And I'm like, I can't elaborate, but your dad needs to talk to you.

And they came in that weekend, and it was the most.

And my boys can eat, and I can cook.

I'm Southern cooking.

And I had cooked, but it was the most somber weekend.

He pulls them in the room.

And I always say this is when the transition began, because the minute he talked to them, it's almost like he cocooned.

He wasn't saying much after that, and he just shared with them.

He said, I don't know how much longer I have.

And he just talked to him about, I love you, Judah.

The baby was four at that time.

And he's like, I just need y'all to take care of mom.

I need you to watch out for your little brothers.

You know, just leaving all this thing.

And, like, my heart was breaking.

It wasn't a.

Like, it was broken in that moment.

And so I had to learn how to parent through heartbreak.

And I don't.

It's not easy.

It wasn't clear.

I don't know that I was always functioning.

I was slipping into a depression because we're also a home, school, family, and I'm having to make rapid decisions.

Right?

Yeah.

I'm still teaching, still running this organization.

We are also in the middle of a golf tournament and a camp for kids that he hosted every year for kids with sickle cell disease.

He's also telling me not to cancel the golf tournament.

He's also telling me not to cancel the camp.

And he knows my heart to let him lead.

Right?

So he's telling me these things, and I'm like, I got you.

So I think also in the moment, as devastated as I am, as heartbroken as I am, there is some inner strength building that I don't even know I have.

Like, I don't know that I have this kind of strength because for so long, he was my strength.

Like, he's.

When I don't know how I'm coming to him.

How do we.

How do I do this?

How do I manage this?

And so in that moment, as little as he's saying, I'm learning that I'm capable.

And so it was funny because I was saying to him, our son at that time was doing Christian hip hop.

He gets accepted to this national wide invitation to this competition called Legacy.

And I'm telling him these things that are happening, and I'm like, javen got accepted into Legacy.

And he goes, just like I thought.

And I'm like, okay.

And then I'm telling him, okay, all these sponsors are in place for the golf tournament.

And he's like, just like I thought, right?

And then another son of ours, something is happening.

He's like, just like I thought.

And I think, just Like, I thought for him was that everything is going to be okay.

Like, a sense of peace.

Does that make sense?

Like, everything is going to be okay.

And I don't know that that peace settled me in that moment, but it was.

It was making me come to terms with the reality that I don't know how long long is.

And we get to May, and our son is graduating, and he can't go because he physically cannot get on this road at all.

Like, we can't fly him there.

We can't drive him there.

He sees him graduate.

We get to graduation.

May was Mother's Day weekend.

May 10, May 11, and then June.

Between June 11 and June 14, he's there, but he's not there.

He's also asked me not to bring in hospice, which, if I had to do it again, I would have.

We should not have done that alone.

We should not have cared for him.

But I literally physically bathed and took care of him until I took him to the hospital.

So we get to this point where.

And I'm giving you this backstory.

Cause it's gonna help you understand.

We get to this point that as he transitions, he's making his transition that night.

And as he's transitioning, the only thing that I can think of is my son.

Like, he takes his last breath.

I tell people all the time, I feel like I walked him to heaven.

Like, he took.

He told me that night, he said, I'll stay longer if you need me to.

And I told him.

I said, I won't be selfish.

Like, because he was struggling physically.

I was like, I won't be selfish.

And I remember that the lady was giving him.

Because he was in intense amount of pain, she was giving him more narcotics.

And she was like, this could be the end of it.

And I just told her.

I was like.

Like, this medicine isn't what's ending it.

It's just his time.

But the first thing that happened when he took his last breath, because he.

He turned his face towards me, and he was.

He was still fighting.

And I know he was.

And I looked at him just based on our belief system, and I say to him, it's okay.

You can go.

And he.

And it was done.

But the first thing in that moment was not how I was feeling.

It was not about where I was.

It was not about my mom.

His mom didn't make it in time.

It wasn't about his mom.

On the way, I looked at my mom, and I said, will you close this out?

I have got to get home to.

My Son, you felt that weight immediately.

Like immediately, like it was not even anymore about me.

From that moment forward, it became about them.

Like, like, I've got to get home.

You know what I'm saying?

And it's crazy because my oldest son was back in Abilene and I have.

He's the first person I have to call.

My other son was at home already because summer was out, the other kids were home.

It was only one.

And I called him and I said, I called him before, I think.

And I was like, hey.

And Abilene is like a eight hour.

It was like an eight hour something.

Driver 11 Somewhere in there.

And I was like, hey, you need to get home.

And he was like, mom.

I said, just, you know, get home.

And so he and his wife got on the road and I remember getting to the house and going through the door and they just looked at me and they knew the habits that I don't come home without dad when if he's at the hospital, I'm locked in.

Like, that's where I am till he's.

And steady.

And I walk through the door and I have my cell phone in his hand, my hand, but his cell phone is in my hand.

And they looked, they knew and they were like.

And I remember my 17 year old that time just screamed no.

And I remember Judah, the baby goes, why do you have mom?

Why do you have that cell phone?

Like, he won't be able to FaceTime me.

And I'm in that moment locked in, going, how do you explain to a four year old?

Right?

Yeah.

Like, you can't, you can't.

Like, you can't.

And as devastated as I am, I just had to figure it out.

Like, I had to figure it out.

And I told someone the other day, you get in this space where your grief is very present.

And at first I was trying to manage their grief and you can't.

Like, you gotta let him feel what you feel because this also happened.

We buried him a week before Father's Day.

Oh, right.

Yeah, right.

Just another layer on top of that.

Yeah.

And so it's just.

It's so many layers.

It's so many things to peel back.

And so I couldn't.

I can't tell you what it was like at first because it's so blurred.

Everything was so mixed.

Trying to get everything handled, mind you, finish this golf tournament, mind you, he dies.

I have guest appearances at the radio station the next day that he normally handles.

Also, no one knows what's going on.

They don't know he's this sick.

They don't know he's.

At the end, we were very private.

We protected that.

Okay.

He asked me to his.

His life was very public.

We often journaled his story and fight with sickle cell.

But at the end, he became very.

So private.

I don't want nobody to know.

I don't want anybody.

There were only two few people he would let see him.

There were only a few people he would allow to talk to him.

And so I have all these appearances and I've got babies in tow.

And I'm just trying to figure it out.

And like, I don't know how to figure out.

And it's so funny because I am a woman of faith.

I have a set of belief systems.

But in that moment, I think I forgot everyone.

I'm just being real.

Like, it was coasting.

It was existing people in our space trying to.

And they were getting frustrated with that.

Like, they didn't understand the culture of the funeral.

Why are all these people showing up?

Why are they.

What is going on here?

Was our dad like, this is our moment.

And so trying to justify the existence.

This is just the culture of what happens for us.

This is people who want to love and to support you and trying to figure out also how to add closure to something you don't want to end.

And I will remember because he was on oxygen, I was still sleeping with the oxygen on in the room because I needed to hear the sound.

And Josiah, who was 10 at that time, came and got into bed and was like, mom, I know that he's gone, but my heart still searches for him.

And I was like, this is the perfect description of what I think we are all feeling.

And so after the funeral and after the burial, I think reality sits in, but it's not.

Maybe until six months later, I was not going to church.

I didn't really want to talk to people.

Yeah, I.

I didn't.

Because you build so much of us.

We, them, the Johnsons, the Johnson boys.

And then you get to this space and you're like, how do I do this next?

How do I become a mom?

And I was angry at my God.

And I laugh all the time because when I tell people that, they're like, how are you mad at God?

And I'm like, how could you not be like?

I was like.

I was angry.

I was angry.

And I remember that I just came to a moment where I felt like God and I met and it was just kind of like, okay, it's just an impression.

Tell me, tell me And I'm like, I'm.

Because God, my relationship with him is real.

And I'm like, I'm pissed off.

And God was like, okay, good, let's go to work.

And it was kind of my breaking point.

And I think I cried for days because I don't know that I had really cried.

Just hit the floor right there.

And I cried for days.

And I prayed for a wisdom to be able to lead his sons the way that he would want.

He would want me to in a way that would be helpful.

And I haven't been perfect in it.

I think I'm still growing.

Cause they all have different personalities.

They all have different places that they've gone and they've wanted to be in.

And so many transitions.

Like, it's crazy.

We've got two now graduated from college.

I actually have a son in prison.

That's a whole different part of our story.

I have a 20 year old now in college.

And then I have this baby boy.

Boy who I call him a super athlete who requires way more of my time that I could have imagined.

Right.

But it's possible and it's happening.

But it took.

It's taking.

I'm not going to say took because it's taking.

It's forever evolving.

It's taking a resolve to make peace with what happened.

Not that I like it, but to make peace that this, it is what it is.

Life happens.

Now what you gonna do?

Like, are you right?

Are you gonna sit here in it?

Are you gonna get up?

Because you still got five people that need to be fed.

You still got five people who have a destination and a, and, and a journey.

They have to go right?

And, and you're gonna have to snap out of it.

And let me say this carefully.

There was counseling in there.

This wasn't just, you know, me and some super whatever.

Like I had to go see someone and talk this process out so that I could gather my bearings so that it was possible.

Because you still, that makes sense.

And you've still got, as you mentioned, these five sons looking at you.

So you needed that safe space you mentioned with your sons.

You had one facing incarceration, another one, you didn't get into this yet, but another was also facing some serious health issues.

In just some of those early years following, what did you begin to learn about yourself?

That I could make it and that I could do it without him, but that he was also still with me.

Like the wisdom he had given, the ideas he had given, I learned I was courageous.

You know, courage is standing Courage isn't that it's all perfect and right, but courage is staring something in the face for me and saying, you're not going to get the best of me.

So I learned that I was courageous, and I learned that I had more faith than I knew.

I also.

I learned.

I learned to laugh at myself a lot because I think sometimes there's.

There's a.

I hope I can say this.

There's a movie.

It's called the Life of Timmy Failure.

It's a Disney movie.

It's one of my favorite movies in the world.

But he's get.

He's always getting into something.

And his mom is a single mom, and she is on him, and she is all.

And.

But he has this line.

He goes, mistakes were made every time she does something.

And so I learned to become a Mistakes were made mom, like, where I wouldn't have been at first, where I was kind of hard.

I was the harder person in the relationship.

We're gonna do this.

We're gonna do this.

We're gonna live by this.

We're gonna da, da, da, da.

And it was like, mistakes were made, like, and so how do we figure out how to get outside of this mistake instead of letting it, you know?

Yeah, that's gone, but that would want us to live.

Yeah, Dad's gone, but that will want us to be happy.

Right.

Like, so you just start if you choose to.

Now, I'm a.

I'm a serious, like, because you can let grief consume you, you can let moments consume you, but I think it's something inside of you has to click and open up and say, okay, this is not the end of the world.

It was the end of an era or a period or a season, but the journey is still there.

So what am I gonna do with this journey?

So I learned to.

I call it hoping forward.

I learned to let go of a lot of things in the past and hope forward.

Well, seems like your identity even started to evolve.

It did.

So it's funny, because most people see me and think I am the most extroverted person in.

But I am.

If I can hide behind a book, if I can stay in a book, if I could stay home for two or three or four weeks and not have any contact with anyone.

Energy.

People is not where I get my energy.

I.

I can relate to that.

Can you relate?

I can.

So I always tell people I show up in spaces where I have to be charismatic, where I have to be friendly, where I have to.

And so I really learned how to do that.

Well, because even in our journey with the nonprofit organization, even though I taught, I taught at a capacity.

And then I go to my office.

Like, if you were looking for me, I was in my office, my blinds down, my door closed.

And I remember one time we were walking into an event, and I was behind him, and he couldn't speak.

And he said, you're gonna have to speak for me.

And I.

I said.

I said, I cannot.

I whisper.

I said, I cannot feel your shoes.

And he said, you were never meant to.

You wear high heels.

I love that.

Right?

I love that.

And I was like, okay.

So then I started learning that there was just more to my destiny than I had envisioned.

And so boldness came out of this.

The pursuit, also learning how to pursue my happiness because I had been so much.

I remember my mom had a pivotal conversation, and she was like.

Cause I eventually closed the organization.

And she goes, good, now you can go do what you want to do.

And I had never thought that I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, because I thought supporting and being in the role of my family was all I was ever called to do.

Right?

And there's nothing wrong with that.

So she's like, no, you can go do what you want to do.

So in that, I start a podcast, which I've had for almost 10 years.

I host this program called Pillow Talk for Women by Women.

Just all these things start coming.

I wrote a book called the Launch for Anyone who Wants to Start Anything.

I write another book called 30 Days of Prayer, targeting our children's lives in prayer, because if nothing else, I learned how to pray for my kids in his absence.

And so, yeah, a version of me that I didn't know started coming alive and started being discovered.

And I learned that I like to change my hair all the time and that I have tattoos that are markers for places in my destiny that I never really had until after he died.

Like, just all these facets of me started being discovered in my journey.

Maybe they were always there.

Yeah.

Yep.

That's a good way to put it.

Maybe they were always there.

Use a phrase.

Sometimes.

Life.

Life.

What does that mean to you?

And how has that mindset helped you move forward, even when life was mysterious, overwhelming, unexplainable?

So I have two.

I have my son now.

He's 28.

He'll be home soon.

Thank you.

Who was incarcerated.

Yeah.

Amazing kid.

Full scholarship, full ride.

Made a bad decision.

He just made a bad decision.

So he gets arrested in Texas.

He winds up going to prison, and then my son Josiah, senior year, goes skating.

Freakiest accident in the world, goes skating, breaks his ankle, and this break turns into a.

Oh, potentially you can lose your leg.

We wound up getting an infection to the bone.

We wound up having multiple surgeries.

So when I say sometimes life just flies.

Yeah.

Sometimes life's just life.

And it's not because you're a bad person or it's not because you cause these things.

Sometimes it's just, you know, life, like.

And even for me, because of my faith, belief, people were like, just call.

When these moments were happening, people were just calling me, and I'm like, chill.

Like, sometimes life just life.

And so my thing is, things happen.

Bad things happen to good people.

Bad things happen at the most inconvenient moment.

You don't plan an injury like, Josiah was his senior year.

This also means he now can't drive himself, which means I also have to drive him around.

He's student government president, and he is not relinquishing his duties.

He has decided not.

Right?

And I'm like, okay, I've taught this.

Like, we taught this because you can't be mad, right?

I've taught this.

I've taught you indoors.

I've taught you no excuses.

We've modeled this in the house.

And so sometimes life just like something.

Sometimes bad things just happen.

And so for me, it's like, what do you do in the moment?

You take a pause, you catch your second win, and then you figure out how to manage the in between.

For me, that season was probably the season that I learned I needed people.

Yeah, right.

That was like my season that I let people in because I've always been so private.

That was my season that.

No, I need.

I need this.

This thing in life.

You cannot do this by yourself.

You're gonna have to let someone else in on your story.

You're gonna have to be transparent about how you feel.

You have to be transparent about your resources.

I remember somebody called.

It might be men like your wife.

I don't know.

We were at school, and somebody called and was like, we need to set up a meal train.

And I was like, yes, you can.

Like, I think it was hers.

Like, yes, you can.

Like, yes, you can.

Set up a meal train.

Yes, you can.

Somebody was like, can we take up a donation?

Y.

I can't think of a donation, because we were back and forth to the doctor, which limits my capacity to be able to work and contract fill contract obligations and stuff.

So it's, like, crazy at the same time.

But it's like, sometimes life Happens.

And you can't do anything.

Like, you can't do anything about it.

But for me, it's like, you gotta make peace in the moment.

You gotta be like, okay, it's one of my tattoos.

It is what it is.

Like, it is.

It is what it is.

And what do you have control over?

And what do you not have control over?

And whatever you don't have control over, make peace with it.

I don't have control over this.

I don't have control over my son's decisions.

He was raised, you know how we say, Right?

He was raised right.

He was raised right.

Like, he was raised right.

I didn't have choices over his decision.

I couldn't control Josiah breaking his ankle.

We couldn't control the infection.

We.

You know, we couldn't control the four months of antibiotics.

Like, there was nothing in our control.

And so it's like, man, it's happening.

Like, are you getting ready to try to control this?

Are you going to release this?

And trust.

I'm a Hunger Games fan, and trust that the odds are in your favor and trust that help is coming.

Right?

Like, of a Hunger Games.

The odds.

Trust that the odds are in your favor and trust that there's going to be some sponsors or there's gonna.

It's grace for me, but trust it there.

Right?

So it's grace for me, but I like to try to make things as plain that anybody from any belief system can get it.

Yeah.

So if you haven't watched Hunger Games, go watch it.

Like, trust that the odds are in my favor and trust that there'll be some grace, some help that we need along the way.

Well, you talked about shifting and using some of your experience.

I mean, you've done quite a remarkable shift.

Thank you.

From being an educator to being a community leader, an author, an advocate.

Can you talk a little bit more about this change and now kind of finding your footing in this new space?

My friends tell me I'm doing it well, I keep saying I'm figuring it out.

Like, I keep saying.

It's been amazing to see.

More like, I wrote the launch in Starbucks.

Like, I just started getting up every morning going.

And they were just, like, thoughts.

And it's just a short devotional.

And it was just about my process of starting something new.

I was also in a PhD program when my husband's liver went to failure.

So 90 hours in all but dissertation.

But I had to put that down because I was juggling.

You've got him, you've got the kids, you've got the nonprofit you're teaching and then you have this PhD and your skills are unbalanced.

Right.

So you gotta let something go.

So the PhD was the no brainer.

It's like, okay, I gotta.

I hated it, but this needs to go.

Yeah.

So life for me in that moment, I was going to work every day crying, and I did not know why.

I thought I was depressed and my therapist was like, I was trying to come see her and she was like, you really don't need me anymore.

And I was like, I do because I keep going to work and every time I pull into my parking space, I'm crying.

What is going on?

Well, it was just something inside of me saying, there is more to you.

So, Adam, I took risk and I just decided that this podcast I had started was working these consultings that I was running into, I wasn't even looking for them.

They were coming for me because I do non profit consultation.

Just these different things that these doors were opening and it's like, either you can close them back.

Yeah.

Or go explore.

Right?

Like go explore.

Here was a version of you that was necessary in the season in the classroom.

I always tell people the classroom was my pulpit in the classroom at uapb.

And I'm still connected to my, A lot of my students in the class here.

This version of you was fine for this season, but this season needs another version of you.

And even the podcast is Coffee and Conversations with Akisha.

And it's a daily devotional.

Even the day I started it, I pick up my coffee mug and I go, I guess we're going to call this Coffee and Conversations with Lakeisha.

And it's just crazy.

Like it's just grown.

Like I've had to learn lighting, I've had to learn sound, I've had to adjust.

I'm watching YouTubes.

I'm teaching one of my sons also because he's interested.

He's like, let's, let's flip your mic.

Let's change this.

Let's, let's do this.

Let's change the scenery.

And so it just became a space of discovery.

And it was like, I can make this fit into last season.

This is not where I am anymore.

And so when I figured out, I was crying because I didn't have joy in what I was doing anymore.

And I needed to choose.

Choose what was going to bring me joy.

And so that's what I've been doing.

Choosing.

That's like a, it's like a tagline.

It's like, okay, choose joy.

Is this Bringing you joy, then why are you doing, like, what?

Why is it important?

Why is it necessary?

And if it's not, if it's a must and you're not finding joy in it, then how do you make it purposeful?

I think what is attracted to us is attracted to the authenticity of who we are and not the.

The version of us that we like to hand people or the version of us.

And my mom is.

She was like, what.

What are you doing?

I don't come from, like.

Like what?

Like, we do not tell our business.

And I'm like, mom, here's my part of the journey.

And my part of the journey is being transparent and being vulnerable and letting people know.

Like, I don't have this all together.

People tell me all the time, they're like, you're a great mother.

I'm like, you don't know.

I just went off on.

I don't know.

Like, you see how love you said you're saying after the apology, Right?

Like, you're seeing me.

I had to apologize this morning because I wasn't patient.

Right.

Like, well, the vulnerability.

I mean, it.

It begets more.

Vulnerability does.

And so you allowed others to let their guard down.

Yeah.

And I think we need this.

I think we need that in this society that we're in that tells us a perfect image is more important than a broken image.

And I'm not talking about a broken image that stays broken.

I'm talking about a broken image that gets to be rebuilt, and then someone else gets to come back and grab your story and say, oh, me too.

Right?

Like, okay, if she's a single mom that can start her own business, that lost her husband, that had five sons, that is still dealing with adversity and construction and still in this fight and still making it and still trying it.

If your hope can be restored through my story and it gives you a glimpse of.

To fight, because I think part of our making it or pushing forward is something inside of us tells us or gives us strength to fight.

And my story gives you a fight, then I'd rather give you my story so that I.

So that you can fight and that that's just for real.

So I am.

I'm very.

And then something happened to me anyway, like, I'll be 52 this year.

And after I turn 50, I just say, whatever.

Like, my friends are like, should I wear this?

I'm like, that is the ugliest thing ever.

And they are like, did you just say this?

I said, but I said it in love.

And if I Looked, if I loved.

You, wouldn't say it if I didn't care.

No.

So I don't want you to go out looking like this.

So, yeah, we're gonna put some truth on this.

So looking back, you have been through so much.

When you look back at the lakeisha Johnson of then versus the lakeisha Johnson of now, what do you see?

The person that I am today is because of everything I've gone through and not just the good things.

It's built my character.

It's taught me to endure.

Oh, my God.

It's made me compassionate.

The compassion that I have for other people I did not know.

It's hard for me to be dismissive.

It's hard for me to see a homeless person on the street and go, oh, they're home.

No.

What's the story?

What's the thing behind it?

They're here for a reason.

Why are they stuck?

You know, like, why is this the end of.

So it's also given me a compassion, and I.

It's one of the things I.

I always say is, I'm here to deal you hope.

I'm a hope dealer.

So my friends are like, I'm here to help you see a different perspective.

And I didn't used to be that person because I feel more intrusive into the lives of people around me.

It's like I feel like I'm supposed to be evolved not to tell you how to do it, but to show you that there is an out, there is a way, there is a possibility.

And before, I wasn't that person.

I was trying to get this PhD done, trying to get published, focused on getting tenure.

It was me, me, me, me, me.

Now it's like, no.

How do I give my gift to someone else so that they can become who they're supposed to be?

Lakeisha Johnson, we appreciate you sharing your story with us today.

Thank you.

Being so vulnerable.

Thank you.

Is there anything else you'd like to share before we close?

No.

The only thing.

So I hate.

I don't have my sweatshirt on.

Life is to be continued.

And that has been my.

It's on my arm, too.

That has been my thing.

In this leg of my journey, if something ends, it's not the end of the thing.

It's the beginning of something else.

So life is to be continued.

I love it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

We appreciate it.