Feeling Like You Don’t Fit In on Your Team? How Young Athletes Can Build Connection & Confidence
Host Valerie Alston discusses how common it is for youth athletes to feel like outsiders on a new team, when moving up age brackets, or transitioning from JV to varsity, and emphasizes that not fitting in doesn’t mean you don’t belong. She explains that teams aren’t necessarily friend groups; athletes don’t need to be best friends with everyone, but they do need trust, communication, respect, and support to compete together. The episode offers practical ways to find common ground: asking simple getting-to-know-you questions, giving compliments, communicating first, and bonding through shared practice and game experiences, while encouraging athletes to control what they can control, build confidence in being themselves, and aim for a few trusted connections. It concludes with conversation questions for families and ways to follow the show.
00:00 Feeling Left Out
01:11 Why It Happens
02:01 Team Not Friend Group
03:48 Connect On The Field
04:55 Find Common Ground
07:45 Small Circle Is Fine
09:27 Control What You Can
11:00 Conversation Rules
12:00 Guided Questions
16:21 Wrap Up And Resources
Discussion questions:
Have you ever felt like you didn’t quite fit in on a team? What made it feel that way?
What’s one small way you could connect with a teammate, even if you don’t have much in common?
Do you feel like you need to be friends with everyone on your team, or is it okay to just have a few close connections?
What kind of teammate do you want to be, even if others aren’t acting the same way?
Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go.
If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here.
