Did you know that humans have brains that are prone to addiction? So how do we protect our kids from addiction to excessive gaming and screen time? That's what we're going to discuss today with my special guest, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.

Yes - our topic is literally brain science and how we can apply what we know about the brain to help kids navigate screen time, social media and the pressures online.

Dr. Jill is profoundly gifted at taking complex scientific information and boiling it down into ideas that stick and are helpful in understanding humans and the way our brains work. One of my all time favorite quotes is from her. "Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room."

This interview was so insightful with so many aha moments that it's split into two podcast episodes. This is the second one. Please listed to the first one (episode 10) before this one! You'll get background information on the four sides of the human brain and how a child's brain and a teen brain is actually different than an adult brain and why that matters, when it comes to parenting and working with kids.

Grab a pencil. You're gonna wanna take notes on this one!

Guest information

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a Harvard-trained and published neuroscientist. In 1996 she experienced a severe hemorrhage (AVM) in the left hemisphere of her brain causing her to lose the ability to walk, talk, read, write, or recall any of her life. Her memoir, My Stroke of Insight, documenting her experience with stroke and eight-year recovery, spent 63 weeks on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list and is still routinely the #1 book in the category Stroke in the Amazon marketplace.

Dr. Jill is a dynamic teacher and public speaker who loves educating all age groups, academic levels, as well as corporations and not-for-profit organizations about the beauty of our human brain. She focuses on how we can activate the power of our neuroplasticity to not only recover from neurological trauma, but how we can purposely choose to live a more flexible, resilient, and satisfying life.

In 2008 Dr. Jill gave the first TED talk that ever went viral on the Internet, which now has well over 27.5 million views. Also in 2008, Dr. Jill was chosen as one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” and was the premiere guest on Oprah Winfrey’s “Soul Series” webcast. Her new book, Whole Brain Living – the Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life is a #1 release on Amazon in categories ranging from Neuroscience to Nervous System Diseases and Stroke.

Unplug & Plug in

We always end with this question for guests - What are you plugging into? And what are you unplugging from?

Dr. Jill didn't disappoint! She's plugging into her needs and desires in all four areas of her brain. She's plugging into technology for interviews like ours, to satisfy her Character One, but she's also unplugging and making time to play, to keep her Character Three happy.

Takeaway

"Ask yourself - what resonates with your soul - and go do more of that!" (Dr. Jill) is how we ended this episode and what a fantastic way to end!

I'd love to hear your a-ha moments!

Our sponsor

Our sponsor today is the Center for Online Safety. Their mission is to keep kids safe online and they offer training for parents and schools to protect kids from cyberbullying, predators, pornography and other inappropriate content.

Next Steps

• Follow the Unplug & Plug In podcast for parents so you can get future episodes delivered to your device. It's free!
• Please leave a 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating so our podcast will be seen by other parents.

Did you know that humans have brains that are prone to addiction?

So how do we protect our kids from addiction to excessive

gaming and screen time?

That's what we're going to discuss today with my special guest, Dr.

Jill Bolte Taylor.

She's a well known brain scientist and author, and hers was the first

TED talk to go viral way back in 2008.

This interview was so insightful with so many aha moments that it's

split into two podcast episodes.

This is the second one.

So if you haven't had a chance to listen to episode 10, Do that first, this

episode will make a lot more sense after you've heard the first conversation

about the four sides of the human brain and how a child's brain and a

teen brain is actually different than an adult brain and why that matters.

So in today's episode, episode 11, we talk about addiction and the human brain.

How do we protect our kids from excessive gaming and screen time?

We'll talk about how to empower teens and tweens to make good decisions.

In this episode, grab a pencil.

You're gonna wanna take notes on this one.

I am excited to introduce our special guest today.

She is profoundly gifted at taking complex scientific information and

boiling it down into ideas that stick and are helpful in understanding

humans and the way our brains work.

One of my all time favorite quotes is from her.

"Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room."

Dr.

Taylor is well known as both a Harvard trained and published neuroscientist and

a person who had a stroke at a very young age and spent eight years recovering.

Her memoir, "My Stroke of Insight", documents her experience with stroke

and the recovery process and has been on the New York Times bestseller list

for years and her second book, "Whole Brain Living: the Anatomy of Choice and

the Four Characters that Drive our Life" helped me understand my brain in new ways.

I highly recommend both of these books.

So welcome back, Dr.

Jill Bolte Taylor!

Thank you, Lisa.

I'm happy to be here with you.

I've been looking forward to this conversation cuz you're managing

a population that I don't often get to chat about and I love it.

So in episode 10, we were just starting to talk about

what creates power in the brain.

And it's not what you think.

It's not saying yes to everything.

It's actually pruning back and saying no to some things.

So that's where we're going to start today's episode- be sure and listen

to episode 10, if you haven't yet.

Power in the human brain is our ability to inhibit ourselves,

not our ability to excite ourselves.

Because I can come in and I can say, oh yeah, I wanna do this.

And I wanna do that.

And I wanna do this and I wanna do that.

And I wanna hang with them and I wanna do that.

And it's like, yeah, I'm gonna go do it all.

Well, there's no power there, right?

That's chaos.

That's outta control .The power in the human brain is our ability to inhibit

and to make reasonable, rational choices.

So really it's a matter, I think of, of asking little people: who do you wanna be?

So if somebody says, well, I wanna grow up and I wanna be a dancer.

And even if you know, they're never gonna be the best dancer on

the planet, fuel their dancing.

This is positive energy.

Well, then they wanna do this.

And then we, we say, oh, well, you know, you wanted to do that.

Now you do this and you're all over the map.

And it's like, you need to make decisions.

And it's like, mm-hmm, no, that's not what the teenage years are for.

The teenage years are for a healthy exploration of who

do I wanna grow up to be?

As I get older and it is the responsibility.

That's the beauty of being a parent to help direct them because

their brain's all over the map.

So our job is to inhibit, I would say I'm a CPA

by training, so super analytical.

And it sounds like you're talking about an opportunity cost.

If I'm doing one thing, I'm not able to do another.

And I understand that this is a good path forward.

Such a good idea to be thinking about Not the excitement piece, as much as what will

I be inhibiting to grow in the future?

Where 10 years from now would I like to see myself and how, what, you know, what

are the stepping stones to get there?

And that's a conversation that parents can be leading, can be having with

their kids because who isn't interested in their own self development,

self growth and, and feedback.

I love that.

Yeah.

And look at you here you are.

You're a CPA, which means you have to have a really strong Character

One, or you are not gonna be any good at being a CPA, right?

Yes.

And those of us who would never be a CPA, your CPA skills

are so much more well developed than mine.

Right.

But I might be more musical than you or I might be more artistic than you.

It's not good.

It's not bad.

It's the diversity.

So you need to spend your time doing something like this.

Yes.

I mean, here you are.

You're now having conversations with other people.

This is growth for you because you're not in a box working with numbers.

You're actually in a computer box communicating with other people

about a bigger picture issue that you care passionately about, which

is how you exercise your right brain.

So you are purposely choosing skill sets that allow you to be

a whole brain, whole human being.

So thank you for that.

And thank you for, for the messaging and the information that you're

showing up for most character ones.

They don't wanna do that.

They wanna go do what they do.

Right.

And you're saying, well, I care about this and I, you know, and it's good for you.

This has been very growthful for you.

I'm sure you've met very interesting people.

You've had very interesting conversations so much.

So then that you have shared them with your audience so that it's not just

about, you know your relationship with your clients who you're working for.

No.

You have become a much more whole brained person.

So congratulations on that.

And you're modeling that for other people.

Thank you, Dr.

Jill, and you know what?

It's uncomfortable moving from a place of Character One where I get feedback all the

time that I'm really good at what I do.

But what changed for me?

What shifted for me was I had kids and my heart got broken

open into Character Three.

This, we are all connected and I do care so much about society and other

people's kids and my own kids and the trajectory that I see them on.

Ha it shifted everything becoming a mom and watching the, the

struggles with technology.

It really shifted everything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think one of the, the other things, beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that one.

I think one of the things is what we say no to is just, you know mm,

the decision, the delicious, right.

So we have to be very careful about, as we go back to shaping and helping shape our

children in what are they saying yes to.

You know, there's a marvelous man named William Yuri, Bill Yuri.

And he is one of the leading negotiators on the planet.

And he does negotiation between places like Russian, the Ukraine.

I mean, he's at that level of negotiation and he's written a

collection of books that I encourage.

First of all, there are a couple of books that I would say to

parents "The Primal Teen" is my favorite book on the teenage brain.

I don't know if you know that book.

It is beautiful.

Beautiful book.

Yeah.

Read that book, have a book discussion on that book.

It is a beautiful book.

And then also look up the books of Bill Yuri, "How to Get to Yes".

Our power as human beings, it's not what we're saying no to,

cause I can say no, no, no.

"Oh, Jill, will you come over for dinner?"

My power is not in saying, "No, thank you."

My power is saying, I'm saying "yes" to tennis this evening.

And that's already said, so my power isn't in, and then you say, oh, come on.

You can play tennis anytime.

And it's like the no is a weak, the yes is the power.

So always ask when you're looking at your children, helping them figure

out what are they saying yes to?

And encouraging their yes, not just always coming in with a no.

mm-hmm mm-hmm , that's a powerful idea.

If you become that, no person, they're not gonna come to you

with, with questions anymore.

They're gonna assume they know the answer and you've lost them.

Yeah.

You're no longer a participant in shaping their future.

And when it comes to something like, say no to drugs, I mean, the war on

drugs was a horrible idea because all the brain heard was "drugs".

Didn't heart the no, right.

It doesn't hear the, no, we overstep the, no, what we do is it's like, yes.

I'm gonna go back to that little, that little, that text

that says, oh, ping, dopamine.

Somebody's talking to me.

And it's like, oh, mom said, yes.

Oh, ping dopamine.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, mom's gonna encourage me to do sports or mom's gonna encourage

me to, to do math or mom's gonna encourage me to say whatever.

So no is really counterproductive at so many different

levels, including the brain.

So, so really figuring out how to, to communicate with a teenage brain

where they are all over the place.

but then you also have to be careful.

Oh, well, if mom wants me to do it then so, and so then,

then I don't wanna do that.

And it's like, that's a deeper conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's so much here that we could explore for weeks to come.

A sneaky thing that I do, and hopefully it's a good thing, is to say "yes, when."

"Yes, when this happens.

Yes".

So "can I go hang out with friends?"

"Yes, when your room is clean.

Yes, absolutely."

Today's

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: That's exactly right.

Yeah.

It it's like, "no, you haven't cleaned your room".

I mean, that's who wants that?

It's a different energy, right?

That's a whole different energy.

And you're saying, "yes, I want you to go play with your kid, with your

friends after you clean your room."

And then it's like, oh, okay, ping.

I get the double.

I'm gonna get the clean room because that'll make mom happy.

And then.

I get my, the ping of my kid, my friends.

So the brain is all about this, "where do I get my ping from?"

And again, the diversity trying to encourage that level of diversity so

that all the power doesn't just hook into that addiction circuitry which can

then routinize itself into something that is unhealthy as a lifestyle.

It's just not diverse enough.

We wanna be diverse.

And, and if, if dad let's say, let's say mom's a CPA and mom is all that left brain

Character One, and she wants it all done like this, and the kid comes out and it

happens to be very musically inclined.

Well, if mom says "well, your music, that's a waste of time.

We're not gonna do that.

That's a waste of money.

You have to choose between this and math and you're not studying math,

so we're gonna get you math instead."

And the kid is going to hear no, you know, and, and, and

their brain is going to hear no.

All, all they're getting is the energy of no, no, no.

You're not gonna get any satisfaction ping.

And what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna run like hell from mom.

Every time I hear her voice, or I hear her steps on this, her feet on the steps.

I mean, we have this beautiful brain that allows us to look at the

bigger picture of what actually is my influence in my child's life.

mm-hmm mm-hmm and that child is going to hear

"I'm not good enough as I am.

My interests aren't valuable to my mom.

That's what she wants me to do".

That's so hard.

Last question, before we do our final question, can we talk for a minute

about in "Whole Brain Living", you talk about negative and positive

feedback systems, and I think this is really an important conversation

for technology in general, for screen time, social media, all of that.

You mentioned a negative feedback system, like "I'm hungry" versus the

positive feedback system of what is social media or screen time in general.

Can we talk about that?

okay.

Yeah.

So and now we're talking not emotionally positive or negative.

Mm-hmm we are talking about how cells communicate with cells.

Okay.

So there's a cell that says, let's say "I'm hungry, I'm hungry."

I feel hunger.

I eat food.

And that system then tells my myself, my cells, "satiation".

I have eaten.

Turn off the loop.

Mm-hmm

okay.

So, so, so I have a desire.

I satisfy the desire and then I walk away from the desire

because now it is satisfied.

All done.

Okay.

Yep.

So.

Yeah.

So, so so that's one loop.

The other loop is where I'm on my technology and I get a ping and I go

to the ping and I get this hit of "oh, excitement, satisfaction, that's good".

And then I want more.

Right.

I'm not satisfied.

I want more mm-hmm so I, I, instead of, so, and this is, this is how I

really encourage you, I'm so glad that you brought this up because do every

about everything that we do whether it's talking to a friend or talking

to some potential new relationship where, you know, I get a ping and

it's like, oh, and then I want more.

And then I want more and then I want more, or my technology.

Oh I put a post and oh, I gotta click.

Oh, I gotta click.

Oh, I gotta click.

Oh, I gotta like, oh, and then I want more, I want more, I'm

not satisfied with what I have.

Right.

So pay attention to the things in your life, the loops in your

life that are essentially negative feedback, not being negative "bad".

but I, I have it and that I'm satisfied.

I mean, that's a healthy loop.

Where we go, go, go, go, go, go- that's when we hook into the

addiction of more, I want more, I want more, I'm never satisfied.

I want more.

And boy, technology just, just was specifically designed and I'll also

say this, is that you know, I, I became famous because of a TED talk that I gave

and it was called "My Stroke of Insight" and it was back in '08 and it was the

first TED talk that ever went viral.

So it, TED and I got famous together.

So I meet all these, we did!

I, I, you know, I'm a Jill, I thought I was looking for a Jack.

No, I was really looking for a TED!

Who knew?

Right.

So anyway, so I meet all these amazing people at TED and some of these are the

people who create Twitter, who create all of these different social media.

And the last TED I went to was a, a few years ago before the pandemic.

And I sat down with one of these creators and I said," what are you doing now?"

And he said, "you know my colleagues and I, we've created a

monster and now I have children."

(Him saying) "now I have children and now I'm watching how my children,

we have so hooked into the addiction circuitry of the brain that because

of us and what we have created, they've made billions of dollars."

Mm-hmm

"but they have compromised the sanity of our society."

and now.

They feel bad about that.

And so now they're working on other tools that they can use to try to help the

technological addiction that they created.

So it's very, you know, it's interesting as, as humanity, their brain went ping!

Money, ping!

Money, ping!

Money, it didn't matter what we were doing to society.

Yeah.

It didn't matter how we were training the

human brain toward more addiction.

But now that they're older, And they're realizing, oh my gosh, look at the

negative thing that we did and how do we catch that monster and bring it back

mm-hmm

into the cage and calm it down?

And they don't know how to do that.

That gives me some hope.

Having perspective change and having them be parents and understanding,

you know, it's not just about hacking the brain and getting the brain to

want more and more and more of this.

But now it's about trying to manage as parents and as a society, and what

have we done, that gives me hope.

It also frightens me to death because there's always gonna be

that next generation who doesn't have that perspective yet.

So yes, I'm working legislatively.

Yes.

I'm, you know, working with individual parents and schools and all of that.

There's just so much to do.

I feel like we're far behind with this, the current generation, hopefully

the next generation will have more guardrails, but this current generation,

we wanna do what we can to not completely leave them to the wolves.

Well, you know, and, and here I am

gonna plug "Whole Brain Living".

Mm-hmm

in "Whole Brain Living" I do have a whole chapter on

our relationship with technology and how technology over the last hundred years

has shaped the anatomy of how we learn.

And the boomer brain was much more left brain based and our society is skewed

to the left, but the right brain became more prevalent as soon as our children's

very first relationship was with a, a little, a little bear that talked to them.

And so, so that changed everything.

And then the learning tools of technology is actually training our

right brain instead of our left brain.

So we, we actually are neuro anatomically different from our children's

brain and how they've learned.

And what that means is how they think, how they relate to the external world,

how they relate to their own peers, how they relate to the older population.

I mean, there's always been a generational gap.

Mm-hmm

, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: but this

gap that is new in the last a hundred years because of technology.

So if any of your audience is interested in that level of conversation they really

ought to pick up "Whole Brain Living".

I think it's a beautiful analysis of how over time we are actually at

that cellular level, very different from our millennial children

mm-hmm

and then our generation Z and then

the little alpha's coming in.

Mm-hmm , that's a great, I, I agree.

That's a great chapter to look at from a historical perspective and you

go back a hundred, a hundred years.

Talk about all of the things,

I go back a hundred years.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's fascinating.

All right.

I know we talk for days.

Last question is always the same on the podcast, and that is: what are you

consciously unplugging from right now?

And what are you plugging into?

I live on a boat half the year out in

the middle of a beautiful lake out in the middle of nowhere.

So I have pretty much unplugged from the chaotic world that we live in.

However, I do plug in.

Through the computer

mm-hmm

. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: So I am very

with technology versus how much time I spend doing my balance, which is nature.

So I, I live a very unique life.

Literally six months of the year, I am out here in glory.

Most of the week, I don't see another human being and unless

it's, you know, through technology.

And I'm very careful about my schedule and how much time on technology,

because I know this, you know, this is big energy suck for me.

Yeah.

So I say yes to you, but what I'm saying, saying

yes to next is I will have one more conversation with the world today,

and then I will unplug completely and go soak my head in the lake.

And play.

So I, I, but you know, I have built this life for myself and I think that

we do have much more power over who and how we wanna be in the world.

And so, to many, this would be, you know, the worst life that

they could absolutely imagine.

But for me, this is, this is the one that resonates with my soul.

And I think that ultimately that's, that's the question.

What are you saying yes to that resonates with your soul and then live your life.

There's so much, so many options here.

Explore "who are you" and "how do you find your balance and your

peace", and then embark on that?

Woo.

What a great way to end.

I hear you saying that you're living with intention, that you've created

a life that supports the different characters in your brain and

gives you pieces of what you want.

So I love that you're gonna go soak your head in the lake a little bit later.

That's fantastic.

That's fantastic.

Absolutely.

Dr.

Jill, I appreciate your time today and hope to get to talk to you in the future.

Thank you so much.

Perfect.

I would love to.

It's a great, great subject.

Thank you so much, Lisa.

Thank you everybody for listening.

Take care.

Don't you love hearing how Dr.

Jill says yes to what lights her up, both professionally and personally, and takes

care of the different parts of her brain.

I'd like to end with her quote, what resonates with your soul, do more of that.

Yes, go do more of that as always.

Thanks for listening to the Unplug & Plug In podcast.

Be sure to always have the latest episodes by following us on

your podcast platform of choice.

And how about leaving me a five star review?

It's quick and your feedback will help more parents see the podcast.

So thanks in advance.

If you're interested in more parenting tips around technology and relationships

with your kids, sign up for our newsletter at Center for Online Safety dot com.