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Your Past Does Not Define You, Unless You Let It | DFS 347
Episode 34719th May 2025 • Destined For Success • Jennifer Takagi
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Get all the inside secrets and tools you need to help you develop your intuitive and leadership skills so you are on the path to the highest level of success with ease. Tammy Vincent will share her insights to helping adult children of alcoholics heal from childhood trauma

In this episode you will learn:

  • How to have a better life
  • Reparent your inner child
  • Understand what you stand for!


Tammy Vincent is a holistic empowerment coach, NLP practitioner, and podcaster dedicated to helping Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) heal from childhood trauma. With over 16 years of experience in coaching, communications, and personal growth, she combines a trauma-informed approach with mind-body healing. Tammy supports her clients in reclaiming their authenticity, breaking free from dysfunction, and living empowered lives. She’s passionate about creating safe spaces for individuals to heal, grow, and thrive after adversity.



Find Tammy in all the places!


Tammy@tammyvincent.com

https://www.instagram.com/adultchildcoach/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/childrenofdysfunctionalfamiliesthrivingnow

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tammycvincent/


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Are you ready to tiptoe into your intuition and tap into your soul’s message? Let’s talk 

Listen in as Jennifer Takagi, founder of Takagi Consulting, International Inspirational Speaker, and 5X time Amazon.Com Best Selling-Author, shares the invaluable lessons she’s learned along the way. Each episode is crafted to provide tools, insights, and inspiration to lead with integrity.

As a masterful energy healer, Jennifer combines an extraordinary range of transformative certifications and modalities, including Emotion Code, Body Code, Belief Code, Energetic Magic, DISC Behavioral Analysis, Change Style Facilitation, Law of Attraction, and advanced coaching techniques. Her unique expertise enables her to guide clients through profound shifts, unlocking energy, mindset, and belief patterns to achieve deep alignment and lasting success. Known for her humor, Jennifer brings a dose of fun to each session, so expect some puns and perhaps a bit of sarcasm!

Tune in for motivational guests, impactful stories, and actionable tips that bring you closer to the success you’ve been striving coveting.

Please share the episodes that inspired you the most and be sure to leave a comment.  


Official Website: http://www.takagiconsulting.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennifertakagi/

Facebook: facebook.com/takagiconsulting


I look forward to connecting with you soon,  Jennifer


Jennifer Takagi

Speaker, Trainer, Author, Catalyst for Healing


PS: We would love to hear from you! For questions, coaching, or to book interviews, please email my team at Jennifer@takagiconsulting.com

Transcripts

Jennifer Takagi:

Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

Jennifer Takagi:

host, Jennifer Takagi, and today we're talking about a very

Jennifer Takagi:

important topic, and that is adults who are living with

Jennifer Takagi:

recovering from the trauma of growing up as children in

Jennifer Takagi:

households with alcoholics. And to speak to this today we have

Jennifer Takagi:

Tammy Vincent. Tammy, welcome to the show. Thank you for being

Jennifer Takagi:

here.

Tammy Vincent:

Thank you so much for having me. Jennifer,

Tammy Vincent:

appreciate it. How

Jennifer Takagi:

did you get into this? Like, what was your

Jennifer Takagi:

journey? What's your back story? How did you get into this very

Jennifer Takagi:

important

Tammy Vincent:

field? So I'll make it quick, even though it

Tammy Vincent:

was a long journey, both of my parents were alcoholics, so I

Tammy Vincent:

know firsthand I have a lot of lived experience as far as what

Tammy Vincent:

it can do to a child and how when that child grows up, all of

Tammy Vincent:

these things that they did to protect themselves and learn how

Tammy Vincent:

to survive in that environment follow them into adulthood. So I

Tammy Vincent:

spent 30 years trying to really figure it out before I finally

Tammy Vincent:

said, Okay, I can finally go out and help people. Now it's not my

Tammy Vincent:

healing. It's not my there's no emotional charge behind talking

Tammy Vincent:

about my mom who did some pretty horrific things. So I'm ready,

Tammy Vincent:

like, literally, I threw in my healing journey. I threw

Tammy Vincent:

everything at the wall that I could possibly think of to try

Tammy Vincent:

to get over all of these things. I learned NLP, I got hypnotized.

Tammy Vincent:

I did EMDR therapy. I learned how to EFT, tap. I I journaled

Tammy Vincent:

1000s and 1000s of hours. I did seven years of inner child work

Tammy Vincent:

like I really did everything because I wanted to not have

Tammy Vincent:

this follow to the next generation. And in that I

Tammy Vincent:

remember finally I was like, wow, I have all of these tools

Tammy Vincent:

after my dad passed, and my father was an alcoholic, but

Tammy Vincent:

there was really no hard feelings with him, because I

Tammy Vincent:

feel like he was kind of a victim in the whole thing too,

Tammy Vincent:

which sounds horrible, because I know we don't like to have that

Tammy Vincent:

victim Victor mentality kind of thing. We don't want to be the

Tammy Vincent:

victim. But my father was a very troubled soul, and with the

Tammy Vincent:

things that he went the unresolved trauma that he never

Tammy Vincent:

dealt with, I could only imagine why he drank. So we anyway, I

Tammy Vincent:

waited till after he passed to where I was like, Okay, it's

Tammy Vincent:

time to tell my story, it's time to help other people heal,

Tammy Vincent:

because it took me 30 years or 20 years to really undo some of

Tammy Vincent:

the things that happen that a lot of people out there, lot of

Tammy Vincent:

my clients, don't even know they're wrestling with these

Tammy Vincent:

effects, right?

Jennifer Takagi:

We didn't always connect the dots. I've

Jennifer Takagi:

through a lot of spiritual healing journeys I've been on. I

Jennifer Takagi:

had the first spiritual healer was like, you do this? And I was

Jennifer Takagi:

like, No, I don't. It's just like, Oh, you do, and this is

Jennifer Takagi:

why. And I was like, No, I don't. Then it was like, Oh,

Jennifer Takagi:

wow, you're, you're, you're right. And now, now that I'm

Jennifer Takagi:

aware, I have a choice,

Unknown:

exactly, exactly.

Jennifer Takagi:

Oh, yeah. So powerful. So you you have taken

Jennifer Takagi:

all your lessons learned for your own healing. And so what

Jennifer Takagi:

does that look like?

Tammy Vincent:

So right now I look, I mean, it's funny,

Tammy Vincent:

because I have clients that are literally, like 75 years old,

Tammy Vincent:

and one, one of them said to me the other day, Tammy, for the

Tammy Vincent:

first time in my life, I feel like I took back control of my

Tammy Vincent:

life, and I was like, kudos to you. Like, now go live your life

Tammy Vincent:

out. Because when you grow up like this and you care, let all

Tammy Vincent:

these characteristics follow you into adulthood, there's a couple

Tammy Vincent:

couple common ones, and it's the people pleasing, it's the lack

Tammy Vincent:

of security, the lack of self esteem, the just the inability

Tammy Vincent:

to say yes to yourself over someone else. And once you can

Tammy Vincent:

combat that, and you can literally realize that your life

Tammy Vincent:

is yours to live, it's like a whole different world. So that's

Tammy Vincent:

what I do. I work with a lot of people just reprogramming. I

Tammy Vincent:

mean, our why our brains are so they're like, Play Doh, like a

Tammy Vincent:

big ball of Play Doh. And they get wired to believe certain

Tammy Vincent:

things, and until you're aware of those certain things, you're

Tammy Vincent:

going to keep acting as if they're true. And then once we

Tammy Vincent:

rewire them, we're like, woo hoo. So that's what I do. I help

Tammy Vincent:

people just realize that. You know, if you're listening to a

Tammy Vincent:

podcast like this, and something gives you a gut punch, and

Tammy Vincent:

you're like, wow, that's me. I don't say no, you know, I don't

Tammy Vincent:

say yes to myself that life can be better. Life can be happier

Tammy Vincent:

and more joyous and just more authentic. Like, you know,

Tammy Vincent:

there's millions and millions of people out there in the world

Tammy Vincent:

right now walking around being what, what I like to call the

Tammy Vincent:

chameleon, and just, literally just blending in to be whatever

Tammy Vincent:

everybody wants them to be, because they don't even know how

Tammy Vincent:

to be themselves or have the confidence to do that. So that's

Tammy Vincent:

what I do. I help people just get there. I help people that

Tammy Vincent:

are kind of in that, ooh, is something wrong? Or. Or, you

Tammy Vincent:

know, why do I feel like I'm a five year old having a temper

Tammy Vincent:

tantrum? I'm like, because you are,

Jennifer Takagi:

no, I don't want to be. I don't want to be.

Jennifer Takagi:

So I love when you said, if you have that, like, that feeling in

Jennifer Takagi:

your gut, oh, that's me. I, I know a lot of of people live

Jennifer Takagi:

their life and they're like, Oh, it wasn't that bad. Like, there

Jennifer Takagi:

might have been drinking in the household, but it wasn't that

Jennifer Takagi:

bad. Like, nobody beat me, um, I wasn't assaulted, so it wasn't

Jennifer Takagi:

that bad, can you?

Tammy Vincent:

Oh, yes, I love to address that, because you

Tammy Vincent:

know what your trauma is. Your trauma when you were a child,

Tammy Vincent:

everything is that bad. So even though you look back at it as a

Tammy Vincent:

40 year old and you go, well, it wasn't that bad. You were an

Tammy Vincent:

innocent child, and it was huge at that time. So it changed the

Tammy Vincent:

way you looked at the world. It changed the way you saw

Tammy Vincent:

yourself. It changed the way you see other people. It changed

Tammy Vincent:

your perception of the safety of the world. So it doesn't matter

Tammy Vincent:

if you were assaulted or beaten. A good example, I have a client

Tammy Vincent:

that for years she just thought, she just felt unlovable by her

Tammy Vincent:

mother, and she's like but my mother told me she loved me all

Tammy Vincent:

the time, and it took us doing some timeline stuff and going

Tammy Vincent:

kind of back and I and we got to talking about our best friend,

Tammy Vincent:

and I said to her, did your friend ever talk about your

Tammy Vincent:

mother? And all of a sudden it was like she lit up, and she

Tammy Vincent:

said to me, oh my gosh, my mother got a new job one time,

Tammy Vincent:

and she was late three days in a row to pick me up for school.

Tammy Vincent:

And my best friend said to me, your mother must not love you

Tammy Vincent:

because she doesn't come up, come to pick you up on time. She

Tammy Vincent:

carried that with her for 45 years. That was the same effect

Tammy Vincent:

as my mother telling me she hated me every day of my life.

Tammy Vincent:

So there is no not that bad. There's no big T Troy. I mean,

Tammy Vincent:

there are big T traumas and little T traumas, but if it

Tammy Vincent:

changes the way you view the world, it was trauma, and it

Tammy Vincent:

needs to be unpacked.

Jennifer Takagi:

And sorry, I have to write notes. I'm avid

Jennifer Takagi:

about it. You're fine. You're fine. We have a recording, but I

Jennifer Takagi:

have to take the notes. Okay, like I I now recognize that I

Jennifer Takagi:

might have some of this trauma, not me personally, but I'm

Jennifer Takagi:

talking for the collective you, the person listening, I might

Jennifer Takagi:

have some of this trauma. So what? What's the first thing I

Jennifer Takagi:

can do now that I think I might like because I think sometimes

Jennifer Takagi:

stepping over that line of I might to acceptance of, yeah, I

Jennifer Takagi:

do can be kind of hard, but like, what's that first step

Tammy Vincent:

is give yourself some grace and know that

Tammy Vincent:

whatever it was, it wasn't your fault. And if you want a better

Tammy Vincent:

life, it's worth pursuing. That's the biggest thing,

Tammy Vincent:

because so much of especially when you're dealing with

Tammy Vincent:

addictive parents, so much there's so much manipulation,

Tammy Vincent:

there's so much just twisting of the way it really was, and you

Tammy Vincent:

have to decide, like, okay, nothing that I did, nothing that

Tammy Vincent:

happened to me was my fault, but I'm ready for something more. I

Tammy Vincent:

tell people, listen to these, these kind of podcasts, you

Tammy Vincent:

know, type in childhood trauma, type in adult child, type in

Tammy Vincent:

anything that's kind of in that area. And just start to listen,

Tammy Vincent:

and you'll see what resonates with you. And then find a tribe,

Tammy Vincent:

whether it's a group, a coach, you know, you can go to Allen,

Tammy Vincent:

there's Al Anon groups that are there's a COA groups, which is

Tammy Vincent:

adult children of alcoholic groups, and now they've actually

Tammy Vincent:

changed it to adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional

Tammy Vincent:

families, because they're finding that it doesn't

Tammy Vincent:

necessarily have to be addiction in the household that causes

Tammy Vincent:

these mindset changes. And I mean, it could be homelessness,

Tammy Vincent:

it could be job loss, divorce, a suicide. I mean, there's a

Tammy Vincent:

million different things it could be, um, but at the end of

Tammy Vincent:

the day, it leaves the child feeling unworthy and unloved and

Tammy Vincent:

unheard. So

Jennifer Takagi:

unworthy, unloved and unheard. Uh huh, you

Jennifer Takagi:

said those so quickly because you've said them so many times.

Jennifer Takagi:

But why? Yes.

Tammy Vincent:

And so when you start the healing, you go back

Tammy Vincent:

to that. And what, like the six or seven years of consistent

Tammy Vincent:

inner child work I did was going back and kind of re parenting

Tammy Vincent:

that inner child, which is really your subconscious mind.

Tammy Vincent:

It's the it's what's running the show. It's that little child

Tammy Vincent:

that never was, heard, loved, seen, whatever, validated

Tammy Vincent:

whatever it was, you know, told to be quiet and pushed into a

Tammy Vincent:

corner, whatever the what that scenario was. As an adult, we

Tammy Vincent:

act out as that young child, because that's what's stored in

Tammy Vincent:

our in our subconscious mind. I i.

Jennifer Takagi:

I'm not going to get this story right, but it

Jennifer Takagi:

there's somebody who speaks to the idea that you've got that

Jennifer Takagi:

five year old child driving the bus, and the bus is your life,

Jennifer Takagi:

and you're now 45 Are you ready to let that five year old quit

Jennifer Takagi:

driving? Are you ready to step into the driver's seat? But you

Jennifer Takagi:

don't just step into the driver's seat, right? You have

Jennifer Takagi:

to there. There's healing, and there's process that has to

Jennifer Takagi:

happen to be able to move that little five year old back into a

Jennifer Takagi:

seat, a passenger seat, and be the driver Exactly,

Tammy Vincent:

exactly. And sometimes, you know, it's just

Tammy Vincent:

like I said, These things are so ingrained in us. And there's

Tammy Vincent:

people that talk about generational trauma and

Tammy Vincent:

historical trauma and things that are built into our brains

Tammy Vincent:

that we have no control over, that take some reprogramming.

Tammy Vincent:

That's how I got into NLP, because a lot of that was kind

Tammy Vincent:

of taking a situation and reframing it and looking at it

Tammy Vincent:

in a different way. Or, you know, a lot of children I don't.

Tammy Vincent:

I have very little, very few memories. I have years of my

Tammy Vincent:

life that were really blacked out with amnesia because I

Tammy Vincent:

didn't. I blocked them out. I just didn't want to deal with

Tammy Vincent:

them. So what does your brain do when someone says goes, picture

Tammy Vincent:

your six year old self. You fill in what you think happened,

Tammy Vincent:

because you don't know. So I'm like, well, if I'm going to fill

Tammy Vincent:

in a story, let's make it a good one. If I'm going to make stuff

Tammy Vincent:

up anyway, let's make up some good stories. So I just, I

Tammy Vincent:

really like that idea of, you know, for a long time, I felt

Tammy Vincent:

like I was writing my story, but I wasn't holding the pen.

Tammy Vincent:

Somebody else was writing my story for me. They were telling

Tammy Vincent:

me who I was going to be, what I was going to do. I mean, I don't

Tammy Vincent:

know how many, even adults and people that I should have

Tammy Vincent:

respected said, Oh my gosh, because of your family, you will

Tammy Vincent:

never do anything with your life. You will never be anybody.

Tammy Vincent:

You're never going to change. You know, I went through tough

Tammy Vincent:

times. I went through times where I was rebellious. I went

Tammy Vincent:

through times where I was experimental. I'm like, Hey, she

Tammy Vincent:

seems to be doing good, and she's drinks herself to death,

Tammy Vincent:

drank herself to death, but she seemed to be happy in her own

Tammy Vincent:

world. Let me try that. I mean, I went through all of the

Tammy Vincent:

different things, and I didn't really get that support of, you

Tammy Vincent:

know, life can be different, and I think that's what I'm here to

Tammy Vincent:

do, is, you know, your past doesn't define you. It was just

Tammy Vincent:

something that happened you define you.

Jennifer Takagi:

I love that, and I love that when you know

Jennifer Takagi:

that's the the title of your talk, of your story, of what you

Jennifer Takagi:

share is your past does not have to define you. And I think we,

Jennifer Takagi:

my age group, anyway, kind of grew up in the idea of your kind

Jennifer Takagi:

of born into this class or this category and and that's all it's

Jennifer Takagi:

ever going to be. And I knew that was wrong, like I knew you

Jennifer Takagi:

could elevate yourself and do better, but one of my sisters is

Jennifer Takagi:

a elementary school principal, and all these kids had this book

Jennifer Takagi:

I was in to help with standardized testing, and they

Jennifer Takagi:

have to have proctors, and I was a proctor because I could make

Jennifer Takagi:

the time for that. And they had this book, and I was like, what

Jennifer Takagi:

is that book everybody has? And she goes, Oh, pick one up and

Jennifer Takagi:

just take it. They're everywhere. And I took it home

Jennifer Takagi:

and I got it read like just very quickly. It's probably written

Jennifer Takagi:

at the fourth or fifth grade level, probably, and it was

Jennifer Takagi:

called, I believe The Boy Who Carried Bricks. And it's a true

Jennifer Takagi:

story of a young man who was born into an alcoholic, abusive

Jennifer Takagi:

household, family, and when he was, like, seven years old, he

Jennifer Takagi:

decided, I don't want to do this anymore. And Kyle called Child

Jennifer Takagi:

Protective Services to come get him. He was like, I don't want

Jennifer Takagi:

to live in this anymore. And I've really, at various points,

Jennifer Takagi:

gotten really caught up in man. What makes a little kid decide

Jennifer Takagi:

this is not for me? He's now married with children. He's a

Jennifer Takagi:

preacher. He helps, you know, guide people, and he had come to

Jennifer Takagi:

the school and talk to the kids, and that's why there were so

Jennifer Takagi:

many books around and available to get his story out. Um, I

Jennifer Takagi:

just, I wonder, like, what is it? What Spark is it that we

Jennifer Takagi:

know there's more. There's something different. And I was

Jennifer Takagi:

in a training program in the last week or two, and the

Jennifer Takagi:

gentleman said, if you have a message to share, you have to

Jennifer Takagi:

share it, because if someone had sparked me earlier, I would have

Jennifer Takagi:

made some different life choices. Like, what are all

Jennifer Takagi:

those things? So how can we spark people not to go into like

Jennifer Takagi:

a pity party, and this is my life. It's terrible, but address

Jennifer Takagi:

the fact that there was trauma there, and I want to move past

Jennifer Takagi:

it. And I guess before that is I can move past it, there is a

Jennifer Takagi:

path. Like, how do we get that message out? Uh,

Tammy Vincent:

the only thing you can do is be like me and

Tammy Vincent:

have a podcast. Be like you have a podcast. Get up on this roof

Tammy Vincent:

and literally scream, there's a better life out there, and you

Tammy Vincent:

deserve it. Um, it takes one, literally, one comment from one

Tammy Vincent:

podcast. I've had so many people say to me, oh my gosh, I heard

Tammy Vincent:

that lady on your podcast say this, and it changed my whole

Tammy Vincent:

life. So if, if they heard it on my podcast, I mean, there's

Tammy Vincent:

millions of podcasts out there, so that's really what it takes,

Tammy Vincent:

because it's just educating people don't know they think

Tammy Vincent:

this was my life. This is what I born into. And kudos to that

Tammy Vincent:

gentleman for knowing that at seven years old, because

Tammy Vincent:

typically your brain is not even developed enough to make those

Tammy Vincent:

choices. What happens to most people is that those are their

Tammy Vincent:

caregivers. They they internalize and they flip the

Tammy Vincent:

blame on themselves versus blaming the person that is that

Tammy Vincent:

they're dependent on for their safety, their their everything.

Tammy Vincent:

So most kids internalize and flip it around. It wasn't until

Tammy Vincent:

I was 26 years old and had a couple suicide attempts and

Tammy Vincent:

depression and everything else that I was getting ready to have

Tammy Vincent:

a child, and that's what flipped me around, because I refused to

Tammy Vincent:

have a child and bring it into this world if I didn't know how

Tammy Vincent:

to do better than my parents did to me. So it really honestly,

Tammy Vincent:

when I started the journey to heal, it wasn't even for me, it

Tammy Vincent:

was for my child. You had a bigger purpose. I Yes, and we

Tammy Vincent:

all, and that's the thing. Like people need to understand,

Tammy Vincent:

everybody has a purpose. Like you said, if you have a story,

Tammy Vincent:

share it. We all have a purpose. It's not necessarily to take our

Tammy Vincent:

pain and turn it into someone else's learning. That's not

Tammy Vincent:

everybody's purpose. I feel like that's my purpose. I was given a

Tammy Vincent:

testimony or a test so that I could have a testimony, and I

Tammy Vincent:

use that to show you know, 1000 people throughout my life, told

Tammy Vincent:

me I would be nothing, but I still became a best selling

Tammy Vincent:

author. I have a podcast. I'm coaching. I love what I'm doing.

Tammy Vincent:

I get I I enjoy my life. When people, I don't know how many

Tammy Vincent:

people, said to me, I can't believe you're still around. I

Tammy Vincent:

talked to people in high school. They're like, wow, you survived.

Tammy Vincent:

I'm like, Wow,

Jennifer Takagi:

thank goodness I had a little more faith in

Jennifer Takagi:

myself than you had in me. Mm,

Tammy Vincent:

hmm, yep. And we have to find it in ourself.

Tammy Vincent:

That's the big thing. Is you have to really want it. And you

Tammy Vincent:

have to to know that there might not be a shining arm, you know,

Tammy Vincent:

a knight in shining armor to come save you, you have to save

Tammy Vincent:

yourself.

Jennifer Takagi:

Yeah, yeah. And that's so important. So I love

Jennifer Takagi:

the idea of listening to podcasts. Find a tribe. The ACOA

Jennifer Takagi:

group is a great one to get into. So if someone is

Jennifer Takagi:

listening, what is something on self care? Because, you know,

Jennifer Takagi:

that's such a big deal that we don't do. What is one thing that

Jennifer Takagi:

somebody listening could do for themselves today? Like, I'm I'm

Jennifer Takagi:

not ready to step out and join anything. But like, what could

Jennifer Takagi:

somebody do for themselves today? Start

Tammy Vincent:

treating themselves like their own best

Tammy Vincent:

friend. So you have that inner talk, you have that, you know,

Tammy Vincent:

if you have that guilt shame lifestyle where you're not good

Tammy Vincent:

enough or you're not deserving, EV be, start being aware of that

Tammy Vincent:

self talk. And every time something comes up and it hits

Tammy Vincent:

you when you you know, if you do something wrong and you got I'm

Tammy Vincent:

so stupid, because that's what will happen. Write it down and

Tammy Vincent:

say, No, I'm not and start challenging that. And instead of

Tammy Vincent:

comparing yourself to I mean, our expectations for ourselves

Tammy Vincent:

are way higher than they are for anybody else. So start comparing

Tammy Vincent:

it to how you would treat your own best friend. You know, if

Tammy Vincent:

your friend made a mistake, would you tell them they were

Tammy Vincent:

stupid? No, you they would say, hey, sucking up buttercup,

Tammy Vincent:

you're okay. I love you anyway. So start doing that to yourself.

Jennifer Takagi:

I love that analogy. I've heard that before,

Jennifer Takagi:

and it is, I had somebody stop me one time and they said, I

Jennifer Takagi:

just, I just love you too much to have you talk to yourself

Jennifer Takagi:

that way, because you're my friend, and I wouldn't talk to

Jennifer Takagi:

you that way, so you shouldn't. And I had a really big lesson a

Jennifer Takagi:

number of years ago, I was seeing a counselor, which I

Jennifer Takagi:

think are amazing people get the right one, and it's a phenomenal

Jennifer Takagi:

experience. And I said, Well, my friend at work said, blah, blah,

Jennifer Takagi:

blah. And I kept going with the story, and she stopped me, and

Jennifer Takagi:

she said, What did she say? And I repeated it, and she goes and

Jennifer Takagi:

who said that? And I said, my friend at work. And she said,

Jennifer Takagi:

No, that is not a first. Friend, a friend would never treat you

Jennifer Takagi:

that way. We need to redefine friend. That person's a

Jennifer Takagi:

coworker, she's a colleague, she's an acquaintance, she's not

Jennifer Takagi:

a friend. And so I think we often also get caught up in

Jennifer Takagi:

people are in our circle, and we just think that's the way it is,

Jennifer Takagi:

but they don't have to be in your circle. And that was a

Jennifer Takagi:

pivotal I can talk like I'm a professional here, but can get

Jennifer Takagi:

this out, that idea of I can choose who my friends are, and I

Jennifer Takagi:

don't have to spend time with everyone, exactly.

Tammy Vincent:

And I think that's part of you know, once

Tammy Vincent:

you start treating yourself like your own best friend, I think

Tammy Vincent:

that's the next thing, is to really understand your what you

Tammy Vincent:

stand for, and start setting some boundaries around that. And

Tammy Vincent:

one of the biggest things you're going to have, I mean, if you

Tammy Vincent:

start on a true healing journey, you are going to lose people in

Tammy Vincent:

your life, but you're going to lose the people that don't need

Tammy Vincent:

to be in your life anyway. I know I've had people that, even

Tammy Vincent:

clients that have dealt with family members, and I ask them,

Tammy Vincent:

I say, if they weren't in your family, would they be in your

Tammy Vincent:

life? And they're like, No, I'm like, than the people that just

Tammy Vincent:

consider them, the people that love you, your family, and those

Tammy Vincent:

are the and I know it sounds all hard and cold and everything

Tammy Vincent:

else, but you get to choose what stays in it. You know it. You

Tammy Vincent:

have a door to your heart or your door to your life, and you

Tammy Vincent:

get to choose who walks in and out of it. But until you

Tammy Vincent:

understand what you stand for. You'll never do that. And so

Tammy Vincent:

that's a big part of, you know, and that that takes some, all of

Tammy Vincent:

these steps kind of take an accountability, person, a group,

Tammy Vincent:

or some it's very hard to do the whole process on your own,

Tammy Vincent:

because you can, you know, it's like, I say, you can do

Tammy Vincent:

affirmations all day long. You can look at a picture of

Tammy Vincent:

yourself in the mirror and say, you know, I love you. You're a

Tammy Vincent:

wonderful you are amazing. But when the rubber hits the road

Tammy Vincent:

and you have to do something for yourself and make a split

Tammy Vincent:

decision, you are making it from whatever your internal beliefs

Tammy Vincent:

are. So

Jennifer Takagi:

getting out like you have to get out and

Jennifer Takagi:

interact with people. I had breakfast with a friend the

Jennifer Takagi:

other day, and she's got some hard things going on with her

Jennifer Takagi:

adult child. And I said, What are you going to do for you? And

Jennifer Takagi:

she mentioned several things, but they were all in the house,

Jennifer Takagi:

within the house. And I said, Don't forget, you have to get

Jennifer Takagi:

out. You. You have to get out and see that there's a bigger

Jennifer Takagi:

world out there, life is happening in different ways for

Jennifer Takagi:

different people. And if you just stay locked in your house

Jennifer Takagi:

with your own story, you you can't step out of that story,

Jennifer Takagi:

because you're just in it and cutting people out of your life.

Jennifer Takagi:

We don't want to take that lightly, right? No, it's a it's

Jennifer Takagi:

a huge decision. I I do have one friend who did need to cut her

Jennifer Takagi:

mother out of her life, and it was the right choice. But for

Jennifer Takagi:

other people, it's just reducing the amount of time you spend

Jennifer Takagi:

with them. Yeah, I like. I was given guidance once. Well, if

Jennifer Takagi:

Christmas is too long at that relative's house, go later and

Jennifer Takagi:

leave earlier. Mm, hmm. I didn't have to cut them out. I didn't

Jennifer Takagi:

have to have a big scene. I just right my own car and showed up a

Jennifer Takagi:

little bit later, and then I a little bit earlier. So it

Jennifer Takagi:

doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing.

Tammy Vincent:

No, it doesn't. And it can even be something,

Tammy Vincent:

you know, with like, the boundaries of having the courage

Tammy Vincent:

to say, you know, I really don't appreciate you talking to me

Tammy Vincent:

that way. If you do, I'm leaving, you know, and those

Tammy Vincent:

things, those are, those are the tough things. Family holidays

Tammy Vincent:

are really hard, because a lot of times we're with the people

Tammy Vincent:

that cause us the the trauma to begin with. And you want it to

Tammy Vincent:

be a nice environment, and you do the best you can, but you

Tammy Vincent:

have to be able to do that and also still be yourself and not

Tammy Vincent:

bend over backwards to please everybody else and not hurt

Tammy Vincent:

their feelings. And that's that's a balancing act. And I

Tammy Vincent:

always say, if a relationship is able to be mended, by all means,

Tammy Vincent:

work on mending it. I'm not saying cut everybody toxic out

Tammy Vincent:

of your life, but like you said, limit the time. Have some

Tammy Vincent:

boundaries. A good example is I have a lot of clients whose

Tammy Vincent:

parents are still drinking, and they have young children now,

Tammy Vincent:

and they're like, the holidays are so hard, because I know my

Tammy Vincent:

mom's going to be drunk on Thanksgiving. So you tell them,

Tammy Vincent:

hey, if you're drinking when we get there, I'm out. And then

Tammy Vincent:

it's their choice, because those boundaries are not to hurt the

Tammy Vincent:

other person. They're to protect you and your family.

Jennifer Takagi:

I read a magazine article years ago. I

Jennifer Takagi:

hadn't been married very long, and we were. Uh, struggle might

Jennifer Takagi:

be too big of a word, but we were trying to navigate the

Jennifer Takagi:

whole holiday season situation with my family and his family,

Jennifer Takagi:

and, you know, my sisters being able to come his brother, like

Jennifer Takagi:

we were trying to navigate all that. And I read this magazine

Jennifer Takagi:

article, and it was along the lines of, you're an adult now,

Jennifer Takagi:

you cannot recreate your childhood memories like the good

Jennifer Takagi:

ones. I'm talking about the good ones. You can't recreate those

Jennifer Takagi:

good memories and make them happen again, because there are

Jennifer Takagi:

different players. You have to create your own new traditions.

Jennifer Takagi:

And I think that would be very true here. Like the tradition

Jennifer Takagi:

used to be go to moms, but now mom's drunk every time we get

Jennifer Takagi:

there. Maybe the tradition needs to be it's at my house. It's a

Jennifer Takagi:

little earlier in the day and ends earlier. So mom hasn't had

Jennifer Takagi:

such a good run at kicking the day

Unknown:

off, right, right,

Jennifer Takagi:

right. We've gotta think through these

Jennifer Takagi:

things. So if somebody wants to work with you, we'll, of course,

Jennifer Takagi:

have all the links in the show notes. But, but how do you work

Jennifer Takagi:

with clients? Do you work one on one? Do you have group programs

Jennifer Takagi:

like, how do people work with you to get beyond this?

Tammy Vincent:

Uh, mostly it's one on one. I am have, I do have

Tammy Vincent:

a group program right now. I want to, I want healing and all

Tammy Vincent:

this to be completely in accessible to everybody. So I

Tammy Vincent:

have a group program, which I'm kind of revamping, which should

Tammy Vincent:

open back up, where people can just jump on and talk about

Tammy Vincent:

whatever, and like, three or four times a week. And it also

Tammy Vincent:

goes along with, I do have a, I guess you could call it like a

Tammy Vincent:

signature course. It's called trials to triumph. And so with

Tammy Vincent:

that course, why people are taking it, they have constant,

Tammy Vincent:

you know, message, access to me and everything, just for

Tammy Vincent:

support. And it goes through, really, every aspect of being an

Tammy Vincent:

adult child and what you've been through. But mostly, most of my

Tammy Vincent:

clients are one on one, and they could just reach out, book a

Tammy Vincent:

call. I just tailor packages to whatever. Some people just want.

Tammy Vincent:

Hey, I just want to work through this one thing. Most people find

Tammy Vincent:

that when, when they work through one thing, it's it leads

Tammy Vincent:

to another thing, another thing. So I just work out custom

Tammy Vincent:

packages forever. It could, you know, for everyone, it could be

Tammy Vincent:

a day, it could be three months, six months a year. So whatever

Tammy Vincent:

level of need and support someone needs, I don't, there's

Tammy Vincent:

no ABC to this journey. I could, I could have a plan. Who today

Tammy Vincent:

we're going to do this, and then you come in and you're at a

Tammy Vincent:

totally different place, and you might need some just, you know,

Tammy Vincent:

nervous system reset. Who knows? It could be anything. So I'm

Tammy Vincent:

very much into it. Needs to be flexible, but people I want to

Tammy Vincent:

work with, the people that want to make the transformation.

Jennifer Takagi:

Oh, that's so beautiful. Thank you, Tammy. I

Jennifer Takagi:

appreciate you being here today and sharing all of your wisdom

Jennifer Takagi:

and knowledge with

Tammy Vincent:

the audience. Well, thank you for having me. I

Tammy Vincent:

appreciate it. As we wrap this

Jennifer Takagi:

up, what is your final thought,

Tammy Vincent:

that you're worth it, that you were put on this

Tammy Vincent:

earth beautiful, divine and joyous, and that all the stuff

Tammy Vincent:

that happened in between, then and now was not your fault, and

Tammy Vincent:

you deserve to be that beautiful, divine, joyous

Tammy Vincent:

creature again. So every step you make in the right direction

Tammy Vincent:

is 100% worth it, and you're worth it, and you're perfect,

Tammy Vincent:

just the way you are right now.

Jennifer Takagi:

Oh my gosh, thank you for that. I'm Jennifer

Jennifer Takagi:

Takagi with destin for success, and I look forward to connecting

Jennifer Takagi:

with you soon. You.

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159. You ARE Destined for Success | DFS159
00:10:45
158. Law, Contracts and Relationships with Jay Razzouk | DFS158
00:39:49
157. You Get More of What You Focus On | DFS157
00:11:00
156. Welcome to the Destined for Success Podcast | DFS156
00:09:11
155. What Movies Are Playing in Your Head? | NMM155
00:10:32
154. If They Look Good, You Look Good! | NMM154
00:12:17
153. Unapologetic Optimism Will Take You Far! | NMM153
00:12:55
152. Attack the Problem, Not the Person | NMM152
00:12:55
151. How to Stay Involved - Consistently | NMM151
00:08:49
150. How to Stay Involved - Consistently | NMM150
00:12:11
149. Let Your People Lead! | NMM149
00:09:55
148. Don’t Sink the Ship | NMM148
00:10:49
147. Draw Clear Pictures for Your Direct Reports | NMM147
00:10:20
146. Magic Tricks in Managing | NMM146
00:11:59
145. Being a Manager Is It’s Own Thing | NMM145
00:11:39
144. Vanessa Zamy Shares Her Experiences With Management | NMM144
00:32:05
143. Reach Your Goals in 12 Minute Increments | NMM143
00:12:43
142. Growing as a Leader | NMM142
00:17:25
141. Traci Warren Talks Leadership Hits and Misses | NMM141
00:45:39
140. You Never Arrive; Keep Going and Growing | NMM140
00:14:41
139. How Do Others Perceive You? | NMM139
00:14:18
138. Time Management or Task Management | NMM138
00:13:48
137. Don’t be willy nilly! Be a dedicated leader! | NMM137
00:12:24
136. Tracy Bissett and Financial Fitness | NMM136
00:26:16
135. April 19 1995 21 Years Later | NMM135
00:14:32
134. Delegation Timeframes Look Like a Whale | NMM134
00:14:39
133. Who is Jennifer Takagi and what does she do? | NMM133
00:20:06
132. Be a Trustworthy Leader People Want to Follow | NMM132
00:12:18
131. Don’t Tell Me You’re Accessible | NMM131
00:14:39
130. There is a Line in The Sand | NMM130
00:09:35
129. Ostriches Stick Their Heads in the Sand | NMM129
00:09:44
128. What it Means to Be a Fair Leader | NMM128
00:09:30
127. Genius Zone Leadership with Ann Liebel | NMM127
00:30:01
126. Eye opening interview with Jen Miramontes – Cancer Fitness Expert | NMM126
00:30:21
125. Health is Your True Wealth with Melissa Deally | NMM125
00:30:08
124. The Graceful Leader – Interview with Alexsys Thompson | NMM124
00:40:02
123. Your Consistency Builds Trust | NMM123
00:13:59
122. Build Your Own Reputation | NMM122
00:17:37
121. How to Build or Rebuild Trust | NMM121
00:14:41
120. Encourage Input: you don’t have all the answers | NMM120
00:11:37
119. Two Ears and One Mouth: How does that help you lead? | NMM119
00:10:33
118. Open Door Policy: Fact or Fiction? | NMM118
00:13:06
117. Be the Example that People Want to Follow | NMM117
00:13:59
116. Empathy – What is it and how to show it | NMM116
00:12:10
115. R-E-S-P-E-C-T It’s a Give and Take | NMM115
00:10:07
114. Influence Others – Don’t Micromanage Them! | NMM114
00:10:45
113. Jessica Koch – Mother of 7 and Killer Entrepreneur | NMM113
00:49:23
112. Lifelong Learner or Slug | NMM112
00:17:36
111. Benefits of a Gratitude Practice at Work | NMM111
00:11:59
110. Cooperation in Company Culture versus Competition | NMM110
00:14:12
109. Strategic Planning:  What is it and how to do it | NMM109
00:12:27
108. Managerial Abilities Count Too! | NMM108
00:12:30
107. Loyalty is a Two-Way Street | NMM107
00:13:37
106. Enthusiasm is Contagious, but be Sincere | NMM106
00:09:40
105. Demonstrate Your Commitment to Drive Performance | NMM105
00:11:41
104. Angel Rich, named the next Steve Jobs by Forbes | NMM104
00:44:58
103. Accountability – does it even matter | NMM103
00:10:07
102. How to be Resilient in Trying Times | NMM102
00:13:58
101. Empower Employees for Maximum Results | NMM101
00:09:50
100. Kat Sullivan Interview Building a Business and Managing People | NMM100
00:42:30
99. Inspire Others to Build a Great Team | NMM99
00:12:44
98. Decisiveness is best and indecision is exhausting! |NMM98
00:13:40
97. Humanity First Organizations Reap HUGE Benefits | NMM97
00:12:44
96. Clarity in Directions, Goals and Piles of Work | NMM96
00:12:04
95. Positive Attitudes and Gratitude | NMM95
00:12:18
94. Alana Fulvio – WE Leaders | NMM94
00:38:32
93. Humble Leaders Excel | NMM93
00:13:10
92. Confidence During Uncertainty | NMM92
00:13:48
91. Integrity:  What does that look like? | NMM91
00:13:40
90. Cultivate and Applaud Creativity | NMM90
00:15:38
89. Show Appreciation to Increase Employee Retention and Productivity  | NMM89
00:13:53
88. Address FEARS For What They Are | NMM88
00:12:58
87. New Normals While Working From Home During Covid 19 | NMM87
00:14:41
86. Know Services/Benefits | NMM86
00:08:21
85. Where is the Tech Support? | NMM85
00:09:46
84. Communicate Frequently | NMM84
00:08:13
83. Control Freaks Beware | NMM83
00:10:15
82. Focus on the Mission | NMM82
00:09:00
81. Adaptability in Times of Crisis | NMM81
00:12:10
80. Problem Solving | NMM80
00:07:19
79. Diversity in the Workplace | NMM79
00:07:50
78. Priority Management | NMM78
00:08:20
77. Delegation Conversation | NMM77
00:09:19
76. Georgee Low Interview | NMM76
00:25:51
75. Goal Setting | NMM75
00:07:34
74. Perfectionism is a Killer | NMM74
00:08:15
73. Mindset of A Leader | NMM73
00:09:57
72. Make Friends with Human Resources | NMM72
00:15:12
71. NMM71: Build Your Own Reputation
00:08:18
70. NMM70:  Analysis Paralysis
00:07:11
69. NMM69: New Manager Mistakes
00:06:16
68. NMM68: Interview with Damian Nordmann
00:37:27
67. NMM67: Transition from One of the Gang
00:08:20
66. NMM66: Key Points When Negotiating
00:09:19
65. NMM65: Preparedness Drill
00:06:37
64. NMM64: How Does Santa Do It?
00:06:56
63. NMM63: Personal History of Culture Changes
00:11:50
62. NMM62: Always Saying NO Can Harm Your Team
00:09:17
61. NMM61: Influencing Change for a More Positive Company Culture
00:14:20
60. NMM60: Understanding Company Culture
00:14:35
59. NMM59: Leadership Qualities:  Lead Implementation
00:10:30
58. NMM58:  Leadership Qualities:  Lead Organization
00:10:09
57. NMM57: Leadership Qualities:  Lead Others
00:10:19
56. NMM56: Leadership Qualities:  Lead Self
00:10:17
55. NMM55: Creating a Team or Tearing It Down
00:09:02
54. NMM54: Passion for Your Work
00:06:59
53. NMM53:  Leadership Styles
00:06:32
52. NMM52: How Many Hours Do Your Work Each Week?
00:08:08
51. NMM51:  Understanding Millennials
00:11:06
50. NMM50: Take a Step Forward
00:08:08
49. NMM49: Take a Step Forward
00:09:08
48. NMM48: How to Survive Boring Meetings
00:09:17
47. NMM47: What Shadow Do You Cast?
00:06:03
46. NMM46: Employee Recognition Interview with Ashley Hurney
00:34:36
45. NMM45:  Habits of Gratitude
00:10:49
44. NMM44: Habits of Consistency
00:12:21
43. NMM43: Habits of Attitude
00:10:43
42. NMM42:  Habits for Finances
00:14:13
41. NMM41: Habits for Relationships
00:11:23
40. NMM40: Habits for Home
00:05:55
39. NMM39: Habits For Self
00:07:25
38. NMM38: Habits at Work
00:10:33
37. NMM37: Interview with Kyra Hardwick
00:42:51
36. NMM36: Interview with Tim Priebe
00:33:34
35. NMM35: Customer Service
00:06:33
34. NMM34: Seeking the Positive
00:06:46
33. NMM33: Time Management or Task Management
00:09:17
32. NMM32: Take 5% Control
00:14:42
31. NMM31: Take Responsibility
00:11:14
30. NMM30: Complainers, Blamers, Whiners
00:10:31
29. NMM29: Word Of The Year
00:08:47
28. NMM28: What’s Your Iceberg?
00:09:31
27. NMM27: Government Shutdown
00:10:50
26. NMM26: Expectations and Lessons
00:08:10
25. NMM25: Confidence
00:11:33
24. NMM24: Change, Innovation Spectrum
00:06:28
23. NMM23: Expect Resistance
00:10:30
22. NMM22: Ask For Volunteers
00:06:48
21. NMM21: Leadership Skills from Dave Stelmaszewski aka Dave Stelma
00:22:21
20. NMM20: Change; Opportunity
00:05:27
19. NMM19: Change; Hold Back
00:06:17
18. NMM18: Change; 3 Responses
00:08:28
17. NMM17: Leadership Skills from Former NFL Player, Jaron Mastrud
00:25:49
16. NMM16: What Do You Want Your Future To Look Like?
00:09:00
15. NMM15: Pray, Meditate, Be Grateful
00:09:44
14. NMM14: Quit Being a Crab!
00:07:20
13. NMM13: You Already Are a Success!
00:11:15
12. NMM12: Financial Freedom is One of the Keys to Success
00:24:21
11. NMM11: Interview With Bonita Owens
00:21:49
10. NMM10: Consider Leaving! You Aren’t Forced To Work Here
00:10:57
9. NMM09: Seek Counseling
00:09:32
8. NMM08: Ask for Help
00:08:50
7. NMM07:  The Mini-Vacay!
00:08:12
6. NMM06: Why Do I Work Here?
00:08:38
5. NMM05: Eat lunch – Anywhere Else but Here!
00:06:24
4. NMM04: Nurture Your Whole Life with Linda Edwards
00:22:32
3. NMM03: Nurture Your Whole Life
00:07:09
2. NMM02: Walk Away...Don’t Engage In The Heat Of The Moment!
00:06:54
1. NMM01: Sleep To Rejuvenate Your Body And Mind.
00:11:03