This episode delves into the profound reflections and inquiries that have surfaced in my life since the traumatic event in October, wherein a random shooting outside my residence not only endangered my family but also compelled me to reevaluate my understanding of faith and the nature of the divine. I recount the harrowing experience involving my wife, Tiffany, and our dog, Copper, both of whom were directly affected by this incident, and how it has since catalyzed an earnest exploration of theological concepts that challenge my previous certainties. As I navigate the complexities of existence, I grapple with the essence of God’s agency, the implications of suffering, and the significance of relationships in shaping our identities. This journey has instigated an array of questions rather than definitive answers, pushing me to consider the intersection of faith and uncertainty. Ultimately, I invite you to join me in this ongoing struggle, as we ponder these essential questions together, seeking understanding amidst the chaos of life.

Through an exploration of various theological perspectives, Joshua delves into the works of notable thinkers such as Kierkegaard and Paul Tillich, challenging listeners to consider the essence of existence and the role of God as the ground of being. He articulates the internal conflict between traditional views of God's omnipotence and the emergent understanding that perhaps God's power operates differently than previously conceived. This thematic dichotomy encourages listeners to wrestle with their interpretations of faith and the divine, particularly in light of personal and collective suffering.

As Joshua navigates through his personal journey of faith and intellectual inquiry, he poses critical questions surrounding the nature of certainty versus faith, the impact of relationships on identity, and the importance of actualizing the divine in daily life. In the closing segment, he leaves the audience with thought-provoking questions that invite further introspection, emphasizing that the pursuit of understanding God and one's faith is a continuous and evolving process, rather than a destination of definitive answers. This episode not only marks a return to the podcast but also serves as an earnest invitation to engage with the complexities of belief, existence, and the human experience.

Takeaways:

• This episode marks a significant return to the podcast following a traumatic event that impacted my family profoundly.
• I have engaged in extensive reading and study since the shooting, which has compelled me to question my faith and beliefs.
• The nature of God and the presence of divine agency in our lives have become central themes in my ongoing theological exploration.
• I am grappling with the complexities of faith, certainty, and the role of divine interaction amidst personal and communal tragedies.

Mentioned in this episode:

Anazao Ministries Podcasts - AMP Network

Check out other shows like this on our shared network: https://anazao-ministries.captivate.fm/

AMP Network

Have you ever wondered what happened to dummy for theology?

Well, if you have, you're in good hands.

We're going to talk about what has happened since October.

So if you're looking for a podcast with all the answers about theology, it's going to help you better understand your faith.

You've come to the wrong place.

If you're looking for a show, though, it's going to help you ask questions, struggle with differing opinions from smart theologians, leave you completely clueless, just as I have been.

Then you have found the perfect show for you, my friends, this is a show designed to give you more questions than answers.

I am Joshua Null.

I'm just a dummy who loves God and theology and hopes to show my love for God by studying and thinking deeply about topics that people smarter than me have been thinking about for thousands of years now.

Yeah, it's been a while since we've done the show.

I think there's some pretty good reasons.

And instead of going back to our season and not explaining it to you and just going back to logical fallacies, I want to break down what's happened because I think what's happened to me and some of the questions I've been wrestling with will be good questions to leave you all to wrestle with as well.

So here we are.

Since I last recorded, I have read and studied.

I had read and studied a lot for theology Beer camp last year in October.

That changed a lot of my views, made me kind of question a lot of stuff.

Already attended camp, more stuff made me question my views and all that kind of stuff.

Then there was a shooting at my house before I made it back from camp.

I was in the airport, actually.

Wife and dog were both shot.

That rocked my world in a way.

It changed everything.

And I'm still questioning a lot.

But the show is about questions, so I feel comfortable being here because I'm not going to provide you with any answer now.

I have this profound insight.

Nope.

But I do have questions, and I'm going to share them with you.

Since then, I've read the Tao Te Ching over probably four times now.

I read the Bible all the way through at least once a month, usually a little bit more than that.

I've done a lot of growing and struggling with myself, and I just kind of want to share where I'm at.

Basically, that's all this is.

So I'm gonna go through it kind of one step at a time a little bit.

So we'll get to the big stuff that maybe some.

All of you are here for a Little bit later.

First, I want to start with camping for.

With Kierkegaard.

So that's a book that I read last year written by Aaron Simmons, who I immediately read this book and was like, I want to be Aaron Simmons.

This guy's amazing.

And the book really focuses on the philosophy of Soren Kierkegaard, how Aaron's interpreting it through his own life and lens and using, like, camping, hiking analogies to kind of break that down.

One of the things Kierkegaard talks about is really thinking about and considering our finitude, which is appropriate given this is the season on Lent still right now.

And he talks about, like, what is worth your affinitude?

My limited time on this earth.

And that's a good question.

It kind of shook me because, like, as a Christian, a lot of times you're like, you're only thinking about the afterlife.

You're not thinking about, like, what do I do with my time here?

And the question is whether or not heaven exists.

Is what I'm doing with my time here actually worth my time?

And Aaron Simmons kind of breaks down, like, how even though he's teaching all this philosophy, a lot of it didn't quite hit him.

It didn't hit him when his kid asked him, like, hey, I don't.

Said he didn't want to be a professor because they never have time for the family.

Didn't hit him when all these different things happened until he actually slowed down during COVID and he realized what he was doing was.

Wasn't worth it.

He was just, you know, grinding, trying to make it up the ladder in the workplace, you know?

But is it really worth my finitude, thinking of that already?

I don't know.

Something was changing in me.

You know, last year, my plan was to try to keep podcasting and also become a lawyer.

So I was gonna go to law school, do all this stuff.

And I'm listening.

I'm like, yeah, but then I'm never home with my family.

Is that worth my finitude?

Which once my wife and dog both get shot, they're both alive now that even more made me think, like, a lot of lawyers spend 60 plus hours in the workplace.

Do I want to be with.

Away from my family that often for however long I have so they can make money and that maybe one day we could go do stuff?

Or do I want to live this moment right now like it's worth it?

What is it worth my finitude?

So it's a tough question.

So already starting soaring, Kierkegaard, rocking my world.

Aaron Simmons making me go, oh, hey, maybe I need to reconsider things.

For the record, now my plan is unsure.

I'm really not sure what I want to do because I don't want to just be that kind of person who like every little thing that happens, I suddenly change my whole trajectory in life.

But I also don't want to let this moment slip by without truly considering what does this inform about me.

What.

What do I want my limited time to be about?

So that.

That part is tough.

And that was earlier in the year.

But when it came closer to October, I started preparing for a panel I had at Theology Beer Camp, where I was talking to Ben Chica, Dr.

Ben Chica, about his work with Plain as the Other.

So he does a lot of work with both Paul Tillich and Immanuel Levinas, right?

So I was studying a lot of Paul Tillich because that was the real focus.

I also was gonna have a co host who does a podcast, Tillich Today.

So Taylor Thomas, she's awesome.

Shout out to you.

So I read, like, four or five full books from Paul Tillich, trying to understand his philosophy before going into this, because I know video games, but I'm talking about Paul Tillich and video games.

I wanted to know more about Paul Tillich so I could ask more informed questions.

And I was reading him.

He's got this whole idea of, like, God's agency being different than I ever really considered, right?

Like, instead of, like, maybe God controlling or stepping in and doing stuff, or, like, creating maybe the entire ground being the idea that we exist at all, the thing that allows us to exist is God.

So he is the ground of being not some other entity out there in relationship with us.

It's kind of the way Paul Till.

That's how I understand Paul Tlic.

Remember, I am a dummy.

And that was really intriguing to me.

Like, yeah, I owe our very existence to God.

Like, he is the reason for our existence.

And when we lean into the ways of God, that's why things work better.

And like, okay, yeah, some of that was starting to click.

I'm like, it kind of makes sense, but it also still kind of felt very atheist.

Like, God's not actually able to do anything.

It's like, well, it's the point saying, I believe in God.

Why not just kind of be like, hey, I exist, and I think this is a good way of existing?

So a lot of politics stuff didn't quite click, but it still challenged me to think about, like, what is God's role in our life?

I didn't I come across, you know, our good.

My good friend Dr.

Tom Ord.

And you know, thanks to my other friend Josh Patterson, I was reading more John Cobb and kind of doing that stuff, going into theology boot camp already, considering, like, how much power does God have?

What kind of agency does God have?

Can God control?

Does God love us?

What are the ways that God interacts with us?

Basically, right?

Like, is God all powerful and he can step in any time, just lets evil exist?

Is God powerful and lets us have choices?

Is God maybe not all powerful?

Maybe he's the most powerful, but not all powerful.

And that's why evil exists and we have to work with God, which is kind of what Tom Ord suggests.

John Cobb has this whole idea of like, maybe, maybe God is like, all these things are like, what is God?

This is what we're questioning.

So Tom Ward says God maybe isn't all powerful, but is the most powerful.

And his power is love.

So he comes up with instead of omnipotence, he is omnipotent, which is love power.

John Cobb, when I'm reading him, he's like, yeah, God doesn't exist.

God insists in each moment we choose to interact in a way that whether is worthy of the divine or not.

And we can look back.

Just like when you look back and be like, was justice done or not?

You can look back and be like, yeah, God was there.

It's like when I chose to love someone in.

In.

In a moment and I chose to be there for someone in.

At their lowest point, I look back, be like, God was there.

God's a calling, rather than God just existing.

He's an insistence for me, again, that like a lot.

John Cobb, not Tom Ward, John Cobb's version also, I'm like, I feel like I just don't need the language of the divine or God at that point.

Like just atheism to me, to me personally, maybe I just don't understand it.

And it never felt right because I feel like I do have this open relationship with God.

The Talmud is a little bit closer to me, but still, that whole thing about God not being all powerful, I was like, I don't know about that.

Because a lot of my doctrine is built on this idea that God created everything ex Nilo out of nothing.

God's not all powerful.

How could he create all things?

He must have all power to create all things.

That's just kind of how I understand it, which is why salvation matters.

So everything kind of builds on itself.

So for me, I'm kind of the atonement Mon of like, kind of close, like Christus Victor, I guess, where I think God literally defeated hell in the grave so that none of us have to ever experience eternal death or go to hell, that we all can be saved.

And I think in the end, we all will be saved.

So kind of like a Christian universalist, not regular universalism.

That's a whole different thing.

That's kind of where I'm at.

But none of that works if God isn't all powerful.

Because how did Jesus have the power over hell in the grave unless he created all things?

The reason hell exists, the reason the grave exists in the first place, was because Garai created all things and they had to exist or they were part of the design.

So for me, it all kind of builds on itself, and I just don't.

I can't quite make sense of that.

So my pushback on Tom Ward that we've discussed before, we're going to discuss more on.

On the whole Church podcast.

So check it out.

My pushback is more like I think we're talking about rather than how much power God has.

Maybe we're discussing what type of God power.

Power God has.

He says ambitance.

Love is God's power.

Yeah, cool.

I'm down with that.

But I don't think that negates God having all power.

God has all power.

That is love.

And of course, there's limitations to what it means to be all powerful and all that stuff.

And there's a long history of philosophers and theologians clarifying what we mean by that term, just like we clarify any term.

I'm really comfortable with that.

And Aaron Simmons has helped me understand a lot more.

He's way smarter than I, so check out his YouTube page.

He's great.

He's really good at helping you understand some of that kind of stuff.

But I'm wrestling with this whole idea of, like, who is God?

What is God's agency?

What is God's role in my life?

All that kind of stuff.

Reading through this, going to theology beer camp, hearing people talk about him.

These guys are smart.

Sounds like they know what I'm talking about.

And then again, there's that shooting at my house, right?

And all of a sudden, honestly, I get a little pissed off at different points.

I'm like, but if God's the way I think he is, he's in a relationship with me.

He's there.

He has all powerful.

Why did my dog get shot in the face?

Why did a bullet graze my wife's arm?

Why did These things happen.

Why would God allow that to happen?

It kind of makes sense of it.

And then going back through, you know, my evangelical would be like, well, it's because, you know, people have choices.

God has all power, but he lets us have choices.

And I'm like, and he couldn't have just stopped.

There's so many other instances where God just stepped in and did something.

And then, you know, sometimes I was like, well, you know, you're blessed.

Because it could have been a lot worse.

I'm like, but it could have not happened at all.

So all that kind of stuff just fell flat to me, you know, going back to Politilica, God being the ground of existence.

And like, so we're all grounded.

I said, you mean, like.

Like the stuff that happened there, the whole reason any of it exists is because its foundation isn't God.

So, like, some part of God must be evil then, because what happened was evil.

And if everything is in its existence is rooted in God.

Like, I couldn't round that for me, it couldn't round that circle.

I don't know.

John Cobbs, like, God is an insistent.

He calls out so that we can choose to have God in that moment.

So God just wasn't there then.

Well, that's not very comforting because I kind of actually want to believe that God was with my wife even through the worst times, even when it seems that God wasn't there.

I don't know.

That didn't sit well with me.

Tom Ord's like, God's not all powerful, so he couldn't have done anything.

We could choose to cooperate with God didn't.

He wouldn't.

It's like, well, was there no one in the area that could have chosen to cooperate with God?

My dog just can't cooperate with God enough for that not to happen.

Like my wife, you know, at that point, what's even the point of that God, for me personally, like, that's the emotions I was going through.

That's what I was feeling at that time.

So it all kind of shook me up.

But I know I believe in God.

I just wasn't sure how to make sense of it.

So I kept going through.

Right.

I go back to, like.

Weirdly enough, one of the big moments for me was doing a podcast on systematicology.

I've been reading Swamp Thing specifically.

There was like, a crossover comic event of Swamp Thing and Poison Ivy.

And I read it, and it talks about some of this process theology that I never, like, quite was, like, on board with.

I'm still not Quite on board with.

But some stuff really makes sense from it.

And I love and I hold on to what I like, and I don't hold on to everything.

I'm a dummy.

I can do that.

I don't have to pick a camp.

But in this comic book, Swamp Thing, he talks about how, like, we're all in a process of becoming, which is like, classic line from process theologians, especially if you listen to podcasts with Josh Patterson, Shout out.

J.

Patty, love you, man.

And the story that is told in that Swamp Thing and Poison Ivy comic is this girl dies alone in the bench.

And when we do this podcast, we wrestle with these ideas of, like, if John Cobb's right, God wasn't there in that moment.

He was an insistence in there.

When she died alone on that bench, God was not present because no one actualized the divine right there.

And that's a call to us to say, hey, we need to do better to actualize the divine.

You know, the comic kind of pointed out there's rich white guys sitting up in these buildings up above in their apartments, while this girl died alone on a bench, homeless, cold.

So I'm thinking that's how, like, we're all in a process, like, death isn't the end, that there's still more, that we can become more.

And I don't know, something about that was encouraging.

That death was not the end of this girl story.

The shooting wasn't the end of my family story.

If it had been worse, it still would not have been the end of the story.

There's more.

And that's where someone, Jack Caputo, John Caputo stuff has helped, you know, kind of make sense of.

Of things.

What helped actually more?

Jonathan Foster has his book, Indigo the Color of Grief, and it paints.

He talks about the loss of his daughter, and there's a lot of theopoetics.

So what's cool about Jack Caputo ethiopoetics?

Is it kind of this, like, God maybe?

It's like, not sure, but maybe.

And I found a lot of comfort in that.

Not having certainty gave me more comfort than any of the answers people were trying to throw my way.

It's just this idea of like, yeah, God was there.

In Jonathan Foster's book, he talks about a story he heard of these Jewish people being hung, and God was there dying with those.

With those boys.

And he read that and he thought about it, and it sat with him.

And then later, when his daughter was tragically lost her life, that God was with her in that truck.

And I don't have to make sense of why God was there, why God didn't do anything, any of that.

It was just, wow, that is comforting.

And for me to look back and go, yeah, it's all terrible.

None of it should have happened.

But when my dog was screaming, bleeding everywhere, no one thought he was going to live.

My wife was scared for her life, holding him in her kitchen.

God was there in that kitchen.

Why did it happen?

I don't know, but I know God was there.

So God, maybe they gave me a lot of comfort.

That's something I really hold on, something I'm still holding on to.

Moving on a little bit, other terrible things happened in the world.

Donald Trump got elected as president last year.

So I've also, just because of groups I'm in, been reading a lot more about Bonhoeffer.

So having Bonhoeffer in my mind, Donald Trump being elected, seeing all the things that's happening in American politics, bros.

More questions up for me.

You know, I'm supposed to be the church unity guy.

I'm looking at this going, how could I say someone's a Christian who supports.

I mean, who, by any normal colloquial use of the term, he raped a woman, Right?

And if you want to be technical, you're sexual assault, not raped.

Like, how can you support that man?

A man who openly hates the immigrants, the others, those who are lost, scared, who are like me and my wife that day, that's their normal life, and he just hates them.

And people call themselves Christians are supporting that man.

I'm like, how?

For me, church unity, at that point, I'm like, I kind of want to throw it out and kind of like, screw this guy, screw this.

But I actually realized there's a deeper calling there, that church unity is about actually being the church, the ecclesia.

So we're getting the ecclesiology here.

We can't have church unity unless we're in Christ supporting that kind of behavior, supporting that kind of man.

You're not in Christ if you support that.

And that's something I've been holding on to.

And that makes me more passionate about church unity because I'm like, we.

We got to go back and define what it means to be the church, what it means to be in Christ, as Corinthians talks about, right?

You know, I don't like to talk about myself.

Like, I like to say I'm just a dummy.

But you guys know I'm currently, I'm going for.

I have a degree in Bible.

I'm getting a master's in Bible.

I'm also getting a master's in legal studies.

Like.

Like, I'm not uneducated.

I'm not dumbing, but I'm not uneducated.

And I see what's happening.

I'm like, no, that's.

That's not what the Bible's talking about.

Nothing is happening here is what the Bible calls Christians to be.

And it breaks my heart to see the church stray so far from being the church.

And, you know, I've been wrestling with that.

I've been wrestling, like, I actually been wrestling, like, is Trump worse than Hitler?

Because I think there's a chance Hitler believes some of the stuff that he said.

I don't think Donald Trump even believes a lot of the stuff that he said.

Hitler got some of his stuff from, unfortunately, Martin Luther.

You know, I'm.

I'm a Lutheran now, and I'm like, I have to wrestle the fact that Martin Luther said some really terrible anti Semitic stuff.

That's where Hitler got some of his stuff.

You know, that's hard.

Donald Trump, though, I don't know where he gets his stuff other than just hate, evil, corruption.

I don't know.

They're probably.

Honestly, probably just as bad as one another.

But I'm living with Trump, so it's more in my face.

What feels worse than anything I've ever read.

You know, I know Hitler's actions were worse because he had more power, but I think if Trump had that same amount of power, I personally, I believe he would do worse things than Hitler.

And it scares me because he's getting that power slowly, but he's getting there.

Seeing this hypocrisy in the church, seeing how scary the world is, wasn't mean to have to like.

And then Bonhoeffer's call, when you read through his life and how he might have been part of an assassination to Adolf Hitler, and it was like, actually, no, I do believe in nonviolence.

Like, my principles are actually more important than any utilitarian action.

You know, I've always been against utilitarianism.

I still am.

I don't think the ends ever justify the means.

Look at this going, oh, man, there's something more important than stopping Donald Trump.

And so our principles, no action is going to stop him.

I hate to tell people this, because I hear a lot of people, even in my own circle, who are like, I'm not sure Kildoban was being like, they're hinting around this thing.

And I'm like, no, stop that.

Like, here's the Deal.

You want to know what killing Donald Trump would do?

By the way, I am against it.

I am saying non violence.

Attacking Donald Trump is going to create more Donald Trumps.

It's going to make him look like a martyr.

It's going to validate all these people.

Oh, see, we were right.

The other side is evil.

Violence will make things worse, not better.

And that's why I hate utilitarians, because there's this arrogance of like, you think you know what will happen if you killed our harm.

You think you know.

I don't know.

I'm pretty sure things would be worse, could be wrong.

But what if I'm right?

What if it does make things worse?

Everyone who does this utilitarian things, they're just so arrogant.

And I don't like to attack other people, but, like, that's why I call myself a dummy on the show is like, I don't want to fall into that trap of ever thinking that I'm so smart that I know what the outcome will be.

If you have the right theology, here's what will happen in your life.

I don't know.

I was like, if you vote for this man, here's what happened.

Oh, I don't know.

What I know is in each moment we are given the opportunity and I would say the responsibility to do what is right.

Violence is not right.

Lying is not right.

Supporting Donald Trump is not right.

Does not matter what you think the end outcome will be you do the right thing in each moment.

That's why philosophy is important to me, because that's a philosophical argument.

Utilitarianism.

And like, no, no, like that stuff.

Debunk it.

Like, like this does not belong in a Christian's heart or mind.

It does not belong in any ethical person's mind or heart.

In my opinion.

There's too much arrogance, too much evil has been done in the name of utilitarianism.

Eugenics happen in the name of utilitarianism.

Come on, guys.

The Chris Hayes happened in the name utilitarianism because everyone thinks that they have the answer.

They know what the outcome will be like.

No, you don't.

You are not God.

You are not the smartest person in the room.

We are all just dummies.

Kind of the point of the show.

Sorry, that stuff infuriates me.

But also I've been studying metaphysics.

Just moving on a little bit.

You know, I get to a manual caught and that's kind of where some of the stuff comes from.

It's like, like I don't really Believe in time in the way a lot of other people do.

So again, this is where philosophy is important.

I what I know for sure is that the moment I'm in exists.

What I don't know for sure is that the future exists.

All time might end right after this sentence.

There's no way for me to know the past I'm pretty sure exists.

I have memories of it.

There's all kinds of ways to explain why we think we have memories of things.

What I know for sure is that the present moment exists.

So in this present moment, I will do the right thing to the best of my abilities, and I will choose love and relationship.

That's where Alfred Whitehead's different version of metaphysics helped me a lot too.

So I got onto him next trip, Fuller and my friend Josh Patterson.

All them.

Why is basic metaphysical philosophy kind of thing is like, nothing exists on its own.

Everything exists in relationship.

You see this more in Emmanuel Levinas as well.

So Alfred Whitehead and Levinas have been like my pillars for developing some of my thoughts these days.

And I'm really going through a lot of change thinking of what I think it means to exist for myself, God, each other, anything.

And I think it does come down to this idea of, like, we only exist in relationship.

And I'll go back to a C.S.

lewis quote that really kind of, for me, solidifies this.

It's just the idea of, like, C.S.

lewis talks about how in friendship, the more of us, there's more.

So if you have friend A, friend B, friend C, you're all a friend group.

Friend B dies.

Friend A doesn't just lose friend B, but there's some part of friend C that only came out when friend B was around that he also loses that.

I experienced that with my brother when my Faupa died.

That was his best friend.

So I didn't just lose my paw paw, but I saw like, all these parts of my brother that only came around when my pawpaw was there.

They're gone now.

And like, it's because we exist in relationship.

Part of who my brother was only existed when Papa was around.

Who I am is if I'm a big relationship, part of the way I was thinking is because of my dog.

My dog brings out a lot of me.

My wife brings out a lot of them.

My best friends.

When I go camping, I feel like the most me I am not just because I'm in nature and connected, but like a lot of times your phones are laid aside and you're just there with your closest people in Relationship and connection.

And like, those relationships are what define you even down to the smallest particles.

Like, like all the cells that, that you see here on the screen if you're on YouTube or like, like, you know, that are me, if I look in the mirror, they're all different than they were like 10 years ago or something, right?

Like, Like I'm constantly.

And I don't have the same pieces that make me up.

Aren't the same pieces that I was with.

Some of these memories I think I have.

Right?

Gets weird when you get into the time stuff, right?

But.

But let's assume the past exists for now so that we can have this conversation and not sound like lunacy.

That's true.

What makes me me isn't my pieces.

You got to question your soul when you look into metaphysics and you're like, okay, so here's what I think my soul is.

And all of a sudden you see, well, if your brain's affected in this way, everything you said about your soul just then changed.

Your soul is like, oh, you love people and you do all this stuff.

Well, there are mental disorders that cause you to suddenly be an angry person.

People have become murderers because they lost their mind.

People, like, if someone's saved and they get dementia, they forget that they ever accepted Jesus and they go back to their old ways.

Like, what do you think of their soul then?

Physical bits, all these little pieces are interconnected, and it's like, it doesn't make sense.

If you hold to this like, everything exists because of the pieces argument.

You have to hold more to like, what, why it talks about with.

Like is the relationships of one cell to another.

That's the relationship.

One atom to another is what defines them all.

Right?

The.

All the cells that I am, the relationship to one another makes up my body.

My relationships to the people around me make up who I am.

I think God is also defined by his relationship.

God doesn't just exist in a vacuum on his own.

He's defined by his relationship with each of us.

Is he loving us?

Is he there?

Is he our ground of being?

Is he an open relationship with us?

Is he controlling us?

Who God is is defined by his relationship to each of us, to everything he created to himself, You, Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Nothing exists without relationship.

Which is also part of why I don't believe in time.

You know, when I look at Einstein stuff, what I'm interpreting is time doesn't exist unless it's in relationship to space.

There's something called space time, not something.

Not something called time.

There's not something called space.

There is something called space time.

We all exist in relationship.

Everything exists in relationship, which in a way goes back to that vinditude thing.

And man, then they make it scary when you realize anyone around you, you know, I've had a friend who was my age when he died of a heart attack in the season of Length.

I'm thinking a lot about that.

I'm like, oh, at any moment, people closest to me could just fall over and I'll just lose them.

I lose part of me because I'm defined by my relationships.

I lose part of my other friends because they're defined by their relationships.

Which also makes it really important.

The relationships you choose to hold on to, what you don't do.

I choose to prioritize.

These can't be trips.

I choose prioritize my wife or do I spend 60 hours in a law firm and defined by my relationships.

My relationships end up being defined by my choices.

What's worthy of my finitude sits at the back of all of this for me.

Then I mentioned I've been rereading the Dao Te Ching.

I've been more fully embracing the term of a Taoist Christian.

I believe Taoism really informs my Christianity and helps a lot of, like how I think about the world.

Some people call it other religions, some people call it a philosophy.

For me, I don't care.

I really don't care what you call it.

The teaching of Taoism are about finding the way and just connecting it, knowing what is right.

I don't need to know all the answers, but I can just be.

I need to know was God the ground of the being of the shooter at my house.

I don't need to know was God, you know, just could not be there.

Because no one shows the calling, the insistence of God in the moment of the shooting outside my house.

I don't even know any of that.

One of you knows my wife was holding my dog in the kitchen and God was there to me, that simplicity that when you read the Tao Te Ching, that's the way that's the Tao is that simple.

Like, hey, you're just going to know what's right.

I know what happened was wrong.

I know that Donald Trump is wrong.

You don't necessarily need to know all the reasons.

You can see this man, see him talk, like something in you knows that is wrong.

And that's what Taoism is.

It's about simplicity.

And I think we need a more simple faith sometimes.

You know, C.

Lewis wrote mere Christianity, maybe I Should write simple Christianity.

There's something about the simplicity that we lose.

You know, Daoism talks a lot about having an empty mind.

You, you crowd your head with all these thoughts of like, oh, is God?

The ground of being has got this, it's got that and that.

And like it's fun to think about.

I enjoy it.

I'm going to keep doing the show and keep asking those questions.

But if I crab my mind with all that, I'm filled with anxiety.

I can't find comfort and that's what I experienced.

But if I empty my mind and just God was there, I can find that comforter.

The Tao teaching also talks about being water.

We're not in competition with anyone that we can benefit all.

Something about that's just right.

I think that's the heart of Christ, benefit all.

The Bible talks about like the best of your abilities.

Be at peace with all men, be water.

Tao teaching, like, like it's the same thing to me.

Benefit all, be in conflict with none.

I don't need answers.

I need to learn to be.

I need to learn to find a way to be present.

And what I need is the I am.

The Bible talks about God as the I am as in I am present.

That's who God is.

That's what the dao is and that's what I need in my life.

That's what makes sense of all this to me.

It's going back to just simplicity.

And I find that in the dao teaching and it helps me read the Bible better and just go, hey, I have to pick everything apart.

It's fun and sometimes I'm going to because I enjoy it.

But sometimes I'm just gonna read shout out to my good friend who does the underground church Bible after hours show on same network as a podcast network.

I don't need that story.

I could read the story of Jesus leaving the 99 for the 1.

I can realize, hey, I was that one for a moment, right?

Like, man, I was in the airport.

I was lost, I was hurt.

Had a friend, Christian who was there for me, walked me through the airport.

I have no idea how I got where I was when I was in that moment.

God was there with Kristen walking me through the airport.

None of my friends called me and was there for us.

I had people who actually sent us money to help us with the dogs, you know, vet bills which were crazy.

God was there.

Those things are good.

What happened was bad.

Simplicity.

There's power in simplicity.

God is in simplicity.

I think we need to more embrace that simple faith that comes with some of God's promises.

I read that God has a promise not to destroy us all with that rainbow.

Don't need to pick it apart.

I can do that sometime.

You can do an exit Jesus and then preach a great sermon or something.

And maybe I should, but I also sometimes need to just read the stories of the Bible and let them be.

Just let them be what they are to me in that moment is okay, whatever it is.

All right, so going through practical theology, does any of this matter?

I think so, practically, you know, we look at all this abstract stuff that's usually.

You guys hear me Ran, you're like, wait, how are you gonna make that make sense?

How is that applicable to your life?

And I'm like, well, yeah, usually it sounds like a bunch of philosophical mumbo jumbo.

Does time real?

Is God the ground up our being or is he an open relig with you?

You're like, oh, practically doesn't matter.

Because in that moment when I'm trying to process what happened to my family, I want to know if God's there.

In that moment, I could look to the future, what could happen, what could have happened no matter what, I could think about that or I could be in the moment, present with the great I am.

Yeah, practically, it matters.

All of this matters.

Whether time exists matters.

It informed my choices in the present.

Instead of looking to utilitarian with the arrogance that I think I know what's going to happen, I can say in this moment I need to be with my family.

In this moment, I need to speak out against Donald Trump.

Why?

Because that's what's right.

Simple.

And it matters who insisted the divine presence.

You know, if I think any part of what John Cobb says is right, or Jack Cobb, you know, whatever, like Jack Caboodle.

I have to ask that question of like, who did insist the divine's presence?

Whether or not I agree with him, I think that's an important question to ask.

Where do I see God?

If he was an insistence, I don't think that's true.

But let me assume it is and ask that question.

Wrestle with it.

My friend who walked me through the airport, he was there.

My friends who were there when I was hurt, God was in that insistent moment, the people who said nothing to me.

And then after I spoke out against Donald Trump's like, oh, I'm concerned for your spirit and your well being.

This guy's not in that.

That's not the insistence of God.

That's the insistence that you think you're right.

That's the insistence of arrogance, pride, being there for someone when they're hurt.

That's the insistence of the divine.

Whether or not I think that's true, I think thinking about the insistence of God and what it looks like matters.

I've been also wrestling with.

You know what?

I kind of didn't let go of biblical inerrancy.

I stopped using the term because I think how I view the Bible isn't exactly what, you know, some of your furthest conservative people, like Al Muller then would think of it.

All the people who hear me say that I think I hold to a form of biblical inerrancy think I mean, that it's all literally true, which isn't what I mean.

So I stopped using that term.

And now I'm wrestling with, like, can some parts of the Bible do wrong?

And, like, what do I do with that?

You know, if we're gonna go with, like, who is God?

The Bible gives us some clear answers, but if I'm not sure about biblical inerrancy, those answers become a lot less clear.

There's more to wrestle with.

And I think the Bible has a lot of questioning of itself going back and forth.

A lot of, like, debate within the different biblical texts.

Push and pull, yin and yang.

And if that's true, I don't think the Bible can give us some clear answers on any of this.

So what comfort does it provide?

Like, I think the Bible's so important, it informs how we continue to have these conversations.

Not giving us solid answers for us to be prideful and think we know we're right, but rather questions to humble us, for us to wrestle with and think, okay, what does this say?

What do I believe?

Have conversations with the author and what the Bible is saying and build on that.

It's harder work, but the easy way is not always the right way.

But I'm not saying that I know biblical answer isn't correct.

That's just where I am now.

That's the thing I'm wrestling with.

This is something about me.

Guys, chill.

You know, historical theology, we see the mystics kind of wrestle with a lot of this stuff, right?

We see origin talks about, you know, maybe we do all make it to heaven.

And what does that mean?

What did God actually do there on the cross?

All this stuff plays a part.

And what we think of when we think of, like, who God is, what's his relationship to us, what is time?

All of these things matter.

They play together.

We see it throughout the history of the church.

We see it throughout the Bible.

None of it, none of it's easy to wrestle with.

And that's where I think these Taoist principles of simplicity, of just, you know, what's right, do it.

God is there.

Feel him.

He is the I am present with you.

Be with him.

As always, we like to end the show with three takeaway questions.

Not answers, but questions.

Not take away actions.

Who wants that?

So I have three questions for you all today.

Number one, how Taoist can I be still holding on to my creation identity?

I do think there are some things in Dao that's not quite right.

Luckily, the Dallas religion does not require you to hold its text as inerrant.

There's a lot of flexibility.

So I think, you know, I hold to what I believe is right within my Christian faith first.

Anything that conflicts with that I let go of.

But anything that helps me better understand, that helps me better hold on to the I am with simplicity the way.

So I don't want to, but I, you know, I don't have any clear answers, but I think it's important for us all to ask these kind of questions.

So that's something I'm asking myself.

How Taoist can I be and still hold on to my Krishna identity?

Number two, how do I differentiate certainty from faith in practice?

What does it mean to have faith in God, that God is there and to be certain that I know who God is and know all this stuff about God and what's the difference of certainty and faith practically?

What are the difference of those two things?

That's something I think we can all wrestle with.

Number three, I think it is important whether or not we believe Jack Caputo idea of God need to think of this like am I actualizing the divine in my daily life and in how I am process and in how I process trauma.

Like I, I have a lot to process right now.

I'm still asking questions, I'm still wrestling.

Is.

Is the way that I'm wrestling honoring to God, Am I actually divine?

Am I actualizing the divine in that or not?

That's something I have to wrestle with.

But I think we all need to wrestle with like are you actualizing the divine in your daily life and how you're asking your questions you have to wrestle with and how you're interacting with God and others.

Are you actualizing the divine or not?

So again, here's our three questions.

How Taoist can I be still hold on to my Christian identity?

How do I differentiate certainty from faith in practice?

Am I actualizing the divine in my daily life.

Well, guys, I hope you're all just as confused as I am.

If so, I'm sorry.

And I hope you're inspired to study these great theologians and thinkers like Jack Caputo, Immanuel Kant, Kierkegaard, Lenos, all the philosophers, too, you know.

I hope you're encouraged to study them more deeply on this topic going forward in your own faith journeys.

Again, thank you all so much for joining this dummy on my journey to learn more about God and to love him better.

I hope this has encouraged you to worship God in your own thinking and, of course, to keep on struggling until next time.