In this episode, Dr. Nicole and I talk about the very real emotional and social challenges that come up around the holidays when you’re on a fertility journey. From navigating food and family pressure, to handling pregnancy announcements and setting boundaries - this conversation is here to support you through it all. We also touch on how to protect your nervous system, connect more deeply to your “why,” and give yourself permission to slow down and enjoy the season on your own terms.
ABOUT DR. JANE’S PRACTICE:
Dr. Jane is a Naturopathic Doctor and a Natural Fertility Expert. She and her team of expert practitioners help couples navigate infertility for 1+ years, get to the root cause of their struggles, heal, and bring healthy babies home.
After having a family member struggle with infertility and experiencing a miscarriage herself, Dr. Jane realized how little support and education women receive. She is on a mission to change that. Since 2020, she has dedicated her practice to fertility, where she and her practitioners work with couples 1:1, running functional lab work, customizing treatment plans and providing her couples with the support they need to get pregnant, have a stress free pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Learn more about Dr. Jane’s practice: www.drjanelevesque.com/practice
Apply to work with Dr. Jane & her team: www.drjanelevesque.com/application
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 Navigating the Holidays: Dietary Choices and Emotional Triggers
03:02 The Importance of Hibernation and Emotional Well-being
06:01 Understanding Loneliness and Comparison in the Fertility Journey
11:50 Perseverance and Resilience in Fertility and Parenting
18:12 Setting Boundaries: Handling Questions and Social Pressures
24:00 Creating a Supportive Environment: Community and Self-Care
29:49 Making Empowered Choices: Food, Health, and Family Dynamics
TAKEAWAYS:
Navigating dietary choices during the holidays can be challenging for those on a fertility journey.
Emotional triggers, such as pregnancy announcements, can be heightened during the holiday season.
It's important to prioritize self-care and emotional well-being during stressful times.
Hibernation and slowing down can be beneficial for mental health and fertility.
Comparison to others can lead to feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.
Perseverance is key in both fertility journeys and parenting.
Setting boundaries with family and friends is essential for emotional health.
Creating a supportive community can help alleviate feelings of isolation.
It's okay to withdraw from social situations that feel overwhelming.
Making empowered choices about health and diet is crucial for long-term well-being.
ABOUT NATURAL FERTILITY:
Pregnancy is a natural process, so if it’s not happening or it’s not sticking, something is missing. Join Dr. Jane, a naturopathic doctor and a natural fertility expert, every Tuesday at 9am for insightful case studies, expert interviews and practical tips on optimizing your fertility naturally.
If you’ve struggling with infertility, pregnancy loss, women’s health issues or just want to be proactive and prepare yourself for the next big chapter in your life… this show is for you.
Individualized care is essential for effective treatment of chronic fertility issues.
Transcripts
Jane Levesque (:
Hi guys, welcome to another episode of Natural Fertility with Dr. Jane. Of course, I'm Dr. Jane and today I'm joined by Dr. Nicole, one of the practitioners on my team. Hi, Nicole, what are we gonna talk about today?
Nicole (:
Hi, I'm super excited to be here. love doing these, these podcasts and how regularly we've been doing them for today. I do feel like it is just such perfect timing to really talk about navigating the holidays and in a couple different areas. It's a theme that has come up quite a bit for me with clients, just asking for some support and some coaching around how to handle the dietary aspect of what they're trying to work on versus what their family and friends are used to doing.
navigating the conversations of, you know, not necessarily wanting people to know that they are making certain choices because of a fertility journey. And so just how to be a little bit more discreet and then also how to handle some of the questions and emotions that come up. a lot of different. Yes.
Jane Levesque (:
with the pregnancy announcements and when are you gonna have kids? And there's a lot of emotional triggers around this time. And I actually have been already handling some of that with my patients as well. And it's funny, forgot to think about the dietary aspect, but that is a huge component wherein you haven't seen some of your family members maybe for three months or some friends and all of a sudden.
maybe even longer than three months, and you're like this completely different person doing things and learning things. And it could be very difficult navigating that and all the questions that people, and even some of the judgments that people might place on you.
Nicole (:
Yeah, absolutely. And the pressure, right? Sometimes they pressure like, you know, one thing's not going to hurt you. And so I joke with my clients, but I'm like, a little bit of poison is still poison. So just keep that in mind when you're making your decisions.
Jane Levesque (:
And we talked about that last time. was like, be difficult. I want you to be difficult, but also realizing that I think it's, I always say, I want my clients to have food freedom. I want you to have exercise freedom. And what that means is like, you should.
The choices that you make is because you want to make those choices versus someone is telling you to make those choices. And whether that's internal or external pressures, because sometimes the internal cravings that you get are so strong and it's really hard for you to override them. And that's actually more of usually an imbalance in whether that's a parasite or a candida or yeast. And one of my clients, she's like, something that you said was really helpful because we've been working on like chronic candida yeast overgrowth, where she's like, is it the bugs or is it you that's craving this food?
Nicole (:
Yes.
Jane Levesque (:
she just had this switch of like, my God, it's not me, it's the bugs because it feels so out of my body and it feels like I just can't control it. Like I have to have it. And as soon as she made that realization, it's almost like that processed sugar didn't look as good and she didn't need it as much. And obviously everything else that we were doing is helping, but I do think that that's, you want to have a good time and you want to relax and enjoy the precious time that the holidays can and should be.
but you also don't want to do things just because of peer pressure. You know, it's like whatever party I go to, it doesn't matter. Like I'm just not drinking. It's like, that's not a thing that brings me joy in any way, shape or form, but I know that that is a thing for some people and it's difficult for them to say no. So.
Nicole (:
Absolutely. I think you touched upon an important, there's a couple of things there. You know, for one, I know we had someone in our, the group coaching who had said to you recently that her and her husband aren't fighting as much now that like some of the bugs have been cleared out and it's like, it was the bugs, it wasn't us. And so it gave me a good laugh to kind of see that and listen to that, but it's very much true. The other thing that you said that I want to touch upon is the slowing down.
Jane Levesque (:
Thank you.
Nicole (:
And I think that's a very important aspect of the holidays. even so much as like right before this recording, I was talking to a client of mine who's just having a hard time and she is spread so thin and gives so much of herself to all these different aspects and careers. And, know, she's working and she's teaching and she's doing all of these things. And it's like, this is a great time where the weather is colder and the days are darker earlier. And it's like,
a season of just hibernating and we've created this hallmark culture that's just go, go, around the holidays and we have to visit every family member and we need to buy gifts and we need to do this and everyone has to wear their matching outfits. And it's like, no, use this time to just hyper, especially if you're trying to conceive, like hibernate a little bit and then also valuing your emotions. Another client yesterday.
Jane Levesque (:
you
Jane Levesque (:
This is where a lot of animals do conceive. We have a buck in our yard right now, looking around for the females and they never come except in the winter. And then sure enough, we have the little baby deers that come in the spring, usually June, May and June. And I'm like, yeah, but there's a whole point of like the hibernation and the restoration because the babies that are born in the spring usually, right, they're coming from the early winter or fall.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Nicole (:
Yeah, absolutely.
Jane Levesque (:
in the human case.
Nicole (:
Absolutely. And it's also okay to withdraw a little bit. A client I spoke with yesterday, you know, she's in this place where her and a sibling have both been trying to conceive. They both have had quite a journey and her sibling, you know, just had a positive test. And it's like, she's in this place of having, you know, absolute joy and hoping that this works out for her sibling and wanting to be an aunt.
But at the same time, there is that little bit of a sadness and a heartbreak that shows up. And we had a really good conversation around your sister, considering she had this journey, will probably understand if you need to find this balance between supporting her and also withdrawing to protect your peace during this time. Because you want to be there, you want to be excited, you want to show up, but you also need to allow yourself to feel and to be able to heal.
It's also a great time to like take a break from social media because there's just everybody's throwing their here's our picture perfect matching pajama happy story. And it's like just feeding yourself that all day long can be a bit difficult this this time of year.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, had, I think it was last week or the week before that, one of my couples that I think as you're going through this journey, it is incredibly lonely.
I genuinely think it's not just the fertility journey that can be lonely, but the journey of like improving yourself and growing. it's, you know, I think about how many things that I do that most people won't do. And I used to have a complex of not fitting in and wanting to fit in and then making sure that it's like keeping up with the Joneses or whatever you want to call it, where you just can constantly comparing yourself as opposed to stepping back and being okay with the emotion of the loneliness and the sadness and actually giving space.
to process it, sit with it, get to know it, and see what comes out on the other side as opposed to trying to suppress it or pretend that that emotion isn't there. But one of my couples, a couple weeks ago, they were like, you know, we have this neighbor and she's 100 pounds overweight and she eats like crab and then, you know, they're like, we got pregnant and here we are.
basically doing everything that we can and we swear, you know, it's been three years or it's been five years and we're so exhausted and we're still not pregnant. How do you navigate that? And my advice to them was like, well, first of all, comparison is a thief of joy. And second of all is like, would you really want to be in that situation? Like, would you really trade places with this person?
Nicole (:
Mm-hmm.
Jane Levesque (:
and knowing what I know about pregnancy and postpartum and the generational impact of fertility, it's most of our, correct me if I'm wrong, but like most of my patients have had really unhealthy parents, have had some really big things that have come up and now...
Nicole (:
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Jane Levesque (:
they don't have the mitochondrial function that they need to. And they had a lot of disconnects with their body, because the mom had, or the dad had a lot of disconnects. And so they never learned how to actually take care of themselves. And so they didn't. And then there was big environmental exposures. And so when I see someone who is, quote unquote, unhealthy, it's like, I'm not sure what is in their karma and what they're supposed to learn from their experiences. But I do know that there is an impact. And that impact is quite great. And whether that's the child
as neurological developments, metabolic disease, cardiovascular disease, like you name it, it's hard not to compare yourself and also believe and trust that the work that you're doing is actually adding up to things, something bigger.
Nicole (:
Yeah. And in some cases, it's like you never know how close around the corner it really is. And that goes with anything. mean, personal story, I remember having like the holiday season with family and my sister had her first child and then she had her second child. And at this point, like I didn't have my spouse and it was just me and it was like bad relationship after bad relationship. And I remember sitting with my family one day and being like, you know what?
I'm coming to peace with the fact that I am just the fun aunt that travels the world, that goes on mission trips to Haiti, does all the crazy things, and that I will never get to be married or have kids. And like, I need to be okay with that. And then, you know, not even a month later, my husband and I start dating. And then a few months after that, I'm pregnant. And so it's like, but had you told me that just a handful of months prior, like I would have laughed at you and been like, there's no chance, you know, and there was.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, it's really dramatic too. You're like, I'm gonna die alone. I'm never gonna. It's like, why did we go to that depth?
Nicole (:
Yeah, I don't know, but I did sit in that. And I mean, it was, that was a very hard season for me, even so much as like, somebody hacked my bank accounts and they had taken everything. And then what's the most wild piece of this story. And, know, whether your faith is in the universe or, or God, or, know, wherever it is, if it's in something greater than yourself, this is kind of my testimony, but
Right before I found out I was pregnant, I was going to close that bank account because everything had been taken. The bank basically told me to kick rocks. They're like, keep putting money in it because otherwise we have to close the account. If we close it, we can't investigate it. And it's like, I'm putting money in there and I'm just seeing the money come out, international transaction fees over and over. I'm like, how are they not seeing that this is not me? And so I go to the bank and this manager there was like, let's just try one last time before you close it.
So he pushed it through the next day. All of the money that was added up and taken over that span of time was returned to me. Two days after that, I found out I was pregnant. And so it's almost like, I like to look at it as like, God took this money away from me because he knew that I was in a place of like being single and I was probably going to spend it. And I wasn't, you know, I was depressed because I was thinking I would never find my partner and I would never have my child. And so was like, he took this away and then was like, you know, she doesn't know these things are going to happen.
and she's been working so hard and it's right around the corner for her. And then boom, he gave it back. And it's like, I, you know, and I use that story when I talk to some of my clients about this time of year, cause it's like, I know that it's hard. I know that it's, so difficult. And I know that feeling like I can feel what you're feeling of that like ache, right? That longing that there's something missing, but at the same time, like you are doing the work you.
are progressing forward, even if it doesn't feel like it, you're, you're sitting across from us and you're listening to this podcast and you're taking advice and you're trying the things and you, all of that is, is propelling you forward. And you just don't know how much until you do get that positive and you do get that pregnancy and you do get that child. And then you look back and you're like, yeah, now I can see the progress I was making.
Jane Levesque (:
sure.
ook at. It's always hindsight:
What is it connecting to the energy of whether it's the universe God or even just to your baby? You know, do you feel your baby? And one of my clients and I she was in the fertility 101 group Marie who had, you know, eight years of infertility. And one of the things she shared on the podcast that I don't remember talking to her about it within the group, which is like I wrote to my baby every day. I just started to write to my baby. And she used that as a way to connect to that energy, to connect to herself, to ask the questions.
of like, who am I becoming? Who do I need to become? What do I need to do in order to be able to bring you into this world? You know, like I really want to meet you. And for her, that was putting trust in us and listening to the protocols and listening to the process and going through the difficult emotions and not hiding from them and actually just creating space and feeling them. That was a big game changer for me.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
I think.
One of the things you touched upon there with the meme in the cave, right? Is, you know, that ability to persevere and be resilient when you think that you're at the end of it and that there might not be any hope left. That is the point to really keep pushing forward. Even so much as like when you're giving birth and especially if you're having like an unmedicated birth, you will hit a point in your labor where you're like, I cannot do this. I need help. need to be transferred.
to quit, I am exhausted. And when you hit that very low point and any birth provider, any doula, any anyone can tell you, but when you hit that point, that is the sure sign that that baby is about to come out and you are, you just got to get through that. And so if you can start working through that, that, and I like the word perseverance, but if you can start working through that and teaching yourself how to do that now, it's going to make it easier on the other end, not just with a birth, but even with parenting.
There are so many days in parenting where you're like, I quit, this is hard, it's not what I signed up for. And it's like, you just have to learn to push through that because everything is on the other side of it.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, I love that you brought that up because I think the like my first birth was not that experience. Like I knew I needed help, but then the help that I got basically took me out of the equation. And so I think that there was a huge of like a lack of connection with my daughter because of that. And then the postpartum depression because of the lack of the connection. And there was a lot of things that led up to it, but I didn't feel like I did it. Like I just felt because I...
was pushing and then I had to go to the hospital and then as soon as the epidural is in, like I just couldn't feel anything and they had to use forceps and it's like I could feel the forceps and go, this is how I need to push, but it still didn't feel like this experience of like, I did it. It's that my body couldn't do it and it needed help, but I didn't, know, that wasn't the time to figure out because obviously it was a critical component. Whereas in the second,
birth, I was very much like almost asking my midwife for assurance like, am I doing it? Can I do it? And there is this piece where you're like, I don't think that I can and this is too painful or this is too, like it breaks you and then on the other side. And I think about that in the fertility journey where it does, it kind of chips at you, you know, and I don't know. That's one of the things that I said to the couple as well. I like, I don't know why some people have such a hard time. Like I don't, and I cried on our call, you know, yesterday talking about one of
cases and how it's like you just want to help these people figure it out and I do think that there is us where we come in and we do the physical component and even help you understand the mental and emotional pieces but then there is like the spiritual component of like
what do you need to learn from this? And what are you avoiding? Or maybe what are you, the expectations that you're putting on? And that's where it's hard for us to know what it is because it is your own unique personal journey with this baby that you're trying to bring in. I always, when I feel stuck, the question that I ask myself is like, hey, what am I not seeing? What do I need to see? And then I'll use things like homeopathics or even low dose psilocybin.
Nicole (:
Excuse me.
Jane Levesque (:
like microdosing and things like that to just help open up my consciousness because I know that I'm just not seeing something. I'm stuck. And so if I can open that up and see things differently, all of a sudden, you know, everything shifts.
Nicole (:
Absolutely. Yeah, I mean that's There's a component of like I'm fully prepared for lots of emotions this time of year from clients and to know it's completely okay and like I am here for it I need you to let it out and let that energy move and if this is a container where you feel safe to do that then this is where I need you to do it and then that being said to you, I mean the
Jane Levesque (:
risk.
Nicole (:
You had said something about like identifying who you need to become and the call that I had before this, like we had a really good conversation about just how busy she is. And so like I was saying earlier, she spreads herself so thin and then she tells me like, yeah, you know, I started working when I was 12 years old. And so then it was like, I was working and I was doing dance and I was coaching and I was doing this and there was a hundred different things. And I'm like, your nervous system doesn't know how to slow down for one, but then too, what is the story that you developed at age 12?
that you have stuck to and have carried all the way through? Like what is it that you're telling yourself that you have to be busy? Is it, you know, and like some examples, these weren't hers, but just examples I gave her is like, is it that, you know, you're not worthy if you're not working and showing up financially? Or is it that if you slow down, you're lazy? Like what is that underlying message? But then also like with her being so busy and so stressed, her ability for her body to say like, okay, it is safe for us to have this baby.
it's not going to be there because it doesn't know how to slow down. it's, you know, I'm like, at what point do you think you'd be able to? And she's like, well, I've always said, you know, when I have the child, I won't teach as much and I'll do this. And I'm like, okay, well, that's what you need to do right now. You need to start creating that space. Yeah. And start teaching yourself that like, we have space for a child in our life and in our home and, know, in the body.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, let's do that now.
Nicole (:
And so it's like, again, like this is a great time of year to start playing with that of how do we, especially as it comes to the end of the year, it's like, okay, let's start cleaning things up and make room for that new year. And maybe part of that is just cleaning up your nervous system and the space that you have in your life to welcome a child in.
Jane Levesque (:
Thank
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, and if I can bring some like physiology into this, because what happens at 12 years old and depending on when she got her period, but woman's brain starts to go into puberty about two years before she goes into having a menstrual cycle. And there's a really big shift in the brain, obviously during the first menarche in those puberty years, a lot of girls, and then obviously through pregnancy and postpartum and then menopause, those are some of those kind of hallmark changes. And so in the puberty,
Nicole (:
I'm sorry.
Jane Levesque (:
happens is you start to separate from the mom.
Meaning that your brain starts to grow and develop and you're starting to think about who am I in this world? What do I want to bring forward and carry forward into my teenage years, into my adulthood? Like who am I shaping up to be? And what are the things I'm going to leave behind? And so at 12 years old, you don't have a lot of consciousness. Like it just kind of happens because obviously like when I think about it, we just think of teenagers as being crazy and the choices that you make versus in postpartum depression. And this is all the stuff of course that I'm learning from Dr. Leah.
her gynecology course, but.
In menopause, that's the one where women can resonate the most with, where they start to have old traumas and old things come up. They're like, I haven't thought about this in decades. Why is this coming up now? And a lot of times they just don't feel like themselves anymore because their brain, their bodies are changing so much that they have to adapt to this new version of themselves. And the question becomes is, what are you bringing forward and what do you need to process versus what are you going to bury back deep in the brain again and, you know, quote unquote, not think about it?
And so I think that happens at puberty, like I know that happens at puberty as well. So then my question to that patient is always like, what was going on around that time and what is your mother like? And because typically you're going to be way more connected to the mom. Of course, the dad is still plays a huge role depending on what's going on there. But a lot of the times that connection between the mom and the daughter changes and shifts because the daughter now has to decide and she's either going to take qualities and be like, I want to be like my mom.
Jane Levesque (:
or I don't want to be like my mom and there is a component, you know, it's not so black and white, there's a lot of gray area obviously there. But I think about that because then it's why did you decide yes, your worth is determined by the amount that you work. And if I sit and I rest, that means I'm lazy, I'm not contributing. And again, it's coming down to I'm not worthy. But that could also happen with...
If I don't have children, I'm worthy and I'm not fulfilling my role. And so it's such a difficult thing to go through as a woman. And we see it on the methylation and nutrient and it's like, oh my God, the brain is really struggling and there's a lot of mold. And so if I can pull that mold out and bring this up all of a sudden, your thought process change and you can actually process some of these traumas.
and you understanding your parents deeper just helps you understand like, that's why I am the way that I am, you know?
Nicole (:
Yeah. Yeah. I've really been enjoying those. book you had brought to my attention called, It Didn't Start With You. And I've ended up sharing it with a few clients where I'm like, you need to read this book because there's so much here that really is going to help you just kind of see that relationship differently. And there is, like you said, there's some clients where, you know, I have one who told me she didn't feel very connected with her mom because the birth was pretty traumatic. And then she always felt like her mom was closer with her siblings than with her. And then she moved away from her friend group and she's living where she's a little more isolated.
isolated and so that when her and her husband aren't on the same page she feels that like loneliness again or that lack of connection and so it's like she wants a child so bad because she's craving that connection and I think that book is like a fantastic resource for her to kind of dive into and foster the understanding of you know what her mom went through and kind of how that plays into the the experience that she has and the emotions that she's working through and then where that shows up in her fertility journey.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, it's huge. Okay, well, let's talk. This is like, there's a lot of conversation here, but let's talk about like, how do you actually navigate someone asking the, I think the positive pregnancy test we.
Nicole (:
I know.
Jane Levesque (:
Acknowledge that where it's like you have to know when to draw the space because the truth is a lot of the times you're really excited and ecstatic for the other person But you have it's a little too close to home and so being able to set those boundaries blocking social media Explaining to the family or the friend what you need instead of just again overriding that like I'll just show up and I'll just be happy for her because that's what I should be as opposed to creating the space for the grief that you are feeling I think that's really important. What about
you know, the Christmas parties, being asked the questions of when are you having children even though you've been trying to conceive or then we can go into like the food component and how to handle that.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Yeah, the question is so hard. And so there's a couple of different ways to go about it, depending on personality type as well. Like I always tell couples to really lean into each other and to recognize like if a conversation is headed in that direction for the other partner to kind of intervene or have some kind of, you know, maybe there's a code wiggle your ear, whatever the case may be of like, hey, I need saving from this conversation, get me out. Or some like code word, like, hey, you want to go look.
Jane Levesque (:
Safety word. Make it something really funny. Have fun with it. Corn!
Nicole (:
Yeah, corn, you know, or you know, whatever it is like eggnog like we need to go look at it. but there is that component of like, you know, save each other before it gets there. But then there's also the piece of like when you are cornered and that question comes up, how do you handle it? And I always say like, yeah, emergency. my my tools in the box are like, be as neutral as possible or answer a question with a question.
Jane Levesque (:
Emergency! Just yell that out.
Nicole (:
Like that's such a great and easy way to deflect. When are you having children? But no, it's a great way. like some examples would be, you know, if somebody asked me that question, like, are you guys trying or, you know, when are you having kids? It's one of those where like, yeah, the conversation's open and then just kind of going into another question. And so it's like, they're talking about it. And it doesn't necessarily say like, hey, we've been trying or.
Jane Levesque (:
you
When are you having children?
Nicole (:
you know, we've been struggling or no, we don't know if we want to have kids where it's like that, you know, it doesn't feel good to say something that's not true. And so it just says like, yeah, the conversation's open between us. And then, you know, how's little Sammy doing? Is Sammy doing great? Awesome. And moving on from it. And I think that just kind of like neutralizes, but at least you addressed it. So then there's not the side secret conversations going on with family members of like, so what do think they're doing?
Especially to like when you are in the trying to conceive and I think one of the hard things is like You're not drinking alcohol because you know that it can have an effect on your fertility journey And then you're being specific about what you eat. Suddenly everyone's like I think they're pregnant and that part can be hard to Yeah, and you know and that's what I'll say to people sometimes it's like blame it on your labs like just say you know if you don't want come out and say I'm trying to conceive you can just say like I'm working with
Jane Levesque (:
I'm like, no, just want to be healthy.
Nicole (:
someone on bettering my health and like my lab showed me that I really shouldn't be having alcohol right now so I'm just not drinking. And it's like, people get that. Or like, my cholesterol levels were high. So, you know, I'm just being really particular.
Jane Levesque (:
And hopefully that will actually make people want to go get labs done too. We just had lives done yesterday. I know her because she's, she does all the private kits in this area. So she comes up a couple of times a year to our house. And I was like, I think people would be so much healthier if they just ran labs on a regular basis. Cause you would just see, my cholesterol is elevated. All my blood sugar is dysregulated. And I have, you know,
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Jane Levesque (:
A good friend, sent me her labs and she's like, I don't believe that my HbA1c is at this point. And I'm like, I do. You're in menopause, you're still eating the way that you're thinking that you should be eating. And, you know, a good friend from my CrossFit days. I'm like, that's totally like that happens all the time. And unless you see the labs, you're not going to make that change. So hopefully people will go, yeah, maybe I should run labs as well.
Nicole (:
Yeah. Yeah. And you never know either like the depth of the seed that you're planting. Like they may not come out and say it to you, but then they leave and it's like, you know, so-and-so is doing this. Maybe I should consider doing that too. and then the other piece is like, I have a client who was sitting with friends and her friends, have a child and they went the IVF route. And so they were pushing her like, you should just do IVF. Like, why aren't you doing IVF? And for them, it's like, they just want to do things differently. And it's like, in that point, you really need to anchor in.
Jane Levesque (:
Yes.
Nicole (:
to your why and your understanding of the human body. And it's like, you are on this journey because you want that healthier baseline, not just for you, but for that baby. And so, you know, I'm always really glad that IVF worked for her friends and that they were able to have their child. But also if she is to get to a point where she needs to do IVF and we need to have that conversation, like her baseline and her postpartum health is going to be so much more robust. And so it's like, you know, whatever direction it ends up going, it's she's taking a very, very important
in step right now versus just leaping into something and becoming depleted and then some haywire with her health later on.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah, there's, I mean, I've been getting some heat with some of the posts around like, and I'm just reacting to the posts. So I'm not making the, and some of them I am, but where it's like, oh, there's studies showing how IVF children born with through IVF have a higher rate of neurological and metabolic diseases and cancers and this, and it's like, we don't say this to create.
triggers and make people feel bad because we support couples going through ART all the time. But we also need to like know the reality of what we're doing. And there's so many people who are jumping into IVF thinking that it is a guaranteed solution or doing multiple rounds and then like just creating such chaos in their body and such distance in their body. And they're still not anywhere closer to having a baby. And now they spend over 100K and now they have all these health issues. And so it is important to bring those things.
things out. What I was going say to the party scenario, I am a fan of just yelling safety word because I think it's funny. You got to bring humor to the party. I also would ask you to like, is this what you want to do? Because for those
Nicole (:
Mm-hmm.
Nicole (:
to.
Nicole (:
Thank
Jane Levesque (:
And I used to be that person where I felt deeply like I need to like the FOMO I need to fit in. And so I want to make sure that I show up to the big events. And now I'm like, where are going? Why would we go there? Who's going to be there? Like Nate Bergazzi does a really great fit about that. When you're 20, you're like, I don't care. I'm going. And 30, you're like, where are we going? I'll drive myself.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Jane Levesque (:
In 40, you're like, I'm not going, I'm offended you even asked me to come, you know? And so like we do get stuck in those 20s though of like, I need to keep showing up, need to, but like people are expecting me to be there.
Nicole (:
Hmm.
Jane Levesque (:
Part of, when you become a parent is you have to say no to those things because you have a baby and you're on a baby schedule. And so maybe you have to start coming to that schedule now from a sense of like, do you actually want to be going to some of these events that you are going to? How many of them are actually mandatory, aka they're big family events? And then I do a lot of prep work for those kinds of events because you know, like energetically, it's draining. You are going to get asked questions and you are going to have to put on a face
or yell an emergency word or feel really heavy after those things. And so to me, it's like, I don't want to go to events that drain me. I want to go to events that bring me up. But that might not be your family events. Like the more that I work with couples, they're like, God, these events like really drain me. And I'm like, yeah. So maybe we don't have as many because that's how you're setting the boundaries. Because yes, you want to.
Nicole (:
Thanks.
Nicole (:
year.
Jane Levesque (:
meet and see your family and create the memories and blah blah blah. And most of the time I think people really mean well. They do when they're asking, they just want to try to connect. You know, they just want to know like, what's up in your life? Are you going to have kids? And they don't know what other questions to ask. So they're not doing it out of spite. But
it is still management for you, you know? So just being aware of like, do I actually want to go to these events? Do I need to go to these events? And then preparing for that mentally and emotionally and physically, like my people are taking protein powders before they go to an event. So then they're making better choices when they are at the event.
Nicole (:
Yeah, exactly. And I think too, that's, you know, the component of community who is similar to you or in a similar journey as you is important as well. So then when you do have to show up or you decide like, you know, this is my family, I haven't seen in a long time. I do want to see them. I know it's going to be hard, but then you can go and plug into that community that also fuels you on fire and helps, you know, recharge that battery reserve that you have and helps you with the resilience of getting through those events versus just trying to go at it alone.
Jane Levesque (:
Yes.
Nicole (:
and you know alone as in it could just be you or alone as in you and your spouse alone.
Jane Levesque (:
Yep, sure. Yeah, I take the opportunity because it's like, we'll still go to like, you know, some family events. And it's like, I've been really good at training my sister in terms of what to eat and how to eat and where to get. And I'm always sharing where I'm getting my stuff so then they can do that as well. But
with my in-laws, for example, that I don't see that often will like plant seeds here and there. But I'll actually just bring food when I'm like, let's make dinner and let me bring all these ingredients that I got from the farmers market and let me show you side by side the difference and how good it could be. And so I think about sharing the knowledge about versus like being judged for the knowledge. And there's people who are going to judge you anyways, but you just get better at like, yeah, that's okay. They don't really understand. You know, it's like my parents don't understand why.
Nicole (:
Thank
Jane Levesque (:
I spend so much money on supplements or labs or whatever yet, but they're already they're starting to see the difference to be like, what are you doing? Because usually it was wait till you turn 35 and then once you turn 35, then you're not going to be able to, you know, lose this weight or once you have your second baby or once you have so people don't want to see that.
there's a different way. They want to fall into the excuse and family is unfortunately one of the hardest people to convince. And so I say like, it's okay, they're not going to understand you and there's going to be judgment, but that's the cost of doing something different. The cost is that you're going to get judged, but.
Do you know why you're doing what you're doing? And if you do, then it makes it really easy for you to make that choice. Cause then it doesn't really matter what other people think, you know? But I realized it takes time to get to that place. You have to process the whole FOMO trash usually, which took me a really long time. And still, I still get it obviously at times, just at higher levels, but yeah.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Nicole (:
Yeah. And that being okay with being difficult. I know it was a couple months ago where a client visited friends and she was like, yeah, I just kind of ate things I shouldn't have. Cause I like, didn't want to be the difficult one in the group. And it's like, just be the difficult one. Like you have to protect yourself because you're going to have to do that when the baby's here too. Especially if you want that child to eat and live a certain way that's not, you know, common in our environment.
and it's like you're gonna have to be difficult and if you can't be difficult and advocate for yourself how are you gonna show up for that kid? So now is the time you know when you don't have the child to start practicing that skill set and develop it.
Jane Levesque (:
Yep.
For sure. And it's like, how crazy is that that being difficult means eating whole foods or saying, no, we're not drinking. Like, you know, at some point that's a very like as a teenage brain, you're really thinking about fitting in and finding your place in the world. But when you're like 30 or even in your 40s, when I'm eating couples and I'm like, you're still trying to fit in. Do you know what I mean? Like, why is that development? Why did that development not happen? And I think that there's a lot of pieces of cortisol and inflammation.
Nicole (:
I'm sorry.
Nicole (:
Thank
Jane Levesque (:
and stress and you know the dopamine and the being plugged into the phone and not having a lot of personal growth or people around you but we're kind of propelling that forward you know and so people who work with us they tend to be the leaders within their family of what they're gonna do they want to grow they want to do things differently and being a leader is hard you know like you said you went on a holiday and it's like yeah you have to tell like you can't feed this to my child or I'm not gonna go over here I'm not gonna do this or you know my sister invites me to stuff all the time and I'm like sorry
Nicole (:
Okay.
Jane Levesque (:
we're busy and I like we are because it's like I rather stay at home or do something else then go to this party or do these things because it's like I just don't want to expose my kids to that and I don't want to expose and I like I'm okay with making that choice you know and I feel bad but I feel bad and I do it anyways because I know it's the better thing
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Nicole (:
Mm-hmm.
Nicole (:
Yeah.
Exactly.
Jane Levesque (:
Anything else we want to leave people off with for the Christmas holidays?
Nicole (:
Have fun, enjoy the holidays. We gotta end on a positive note here, because it's a heavy conversation. Yep.
Jane Levesque (:
Yeah. Yeah. But on it, genuinely have fun. Like know that people are not out to get you and make the choices that you want to make. Like if you want to eat the thing, then eat the thing. But if you don't want to eat the thing, then don't eat the thing or drink the thing or whatever, or even go to the party. You know, it's like, I'll give you permission to say no. Yeah.
Nicole (:
Exactly, exactly. And it's a season and usually it's an event that's just a few hours. So you will make it through and you will get on the other side and things will feel nice and calm and positive again.
Jane Levesque (:
Yep, absolutely. Well, thanks, Nicole. Always a pleasure to connect and we'll see you again in a month or so. We'll see you sooner than that, but on the podcast. Thanks, guys, for being here. We appreciate you.
