Curious about what it really takes to keep going when life throws its hardest challenges your way? This episode of the Marli Williams Podcast brings you an unfiltered conversation with Krista Ryan—executive coach, mental performance expert, and author of Keep Freaking Going. You’ll hear stories of resilience, vulnerability, and the raw truth about navigating trauma, isolation, and unexpected change. We touch on everything from overcoming shame to the power of asking for help, all wrapped up in Krista’s signature “KFG” (Keep Freaking Going) mindset.

If you’re interested in personal development, mental health, and leadership strategies for thriving through adversity, don’t miss this inspiring talk. Whether you’re facing burnout, loneliness, or want to become a better support for others, this episode offers powerful reminders that you’re not alone—and that authentic connection is just one text away.

Krista Ryan is a certified executive coach, facilitator, speaker, and Workplace Performance expert who is on a mission to help leaders thrive through chaos, change, and challenge.

She’s the CEO of KfG Coaching and a trusted coach for Bravely and Limitless Minds—where she brings the science of mental conditioning to the art of leadership. From C-suite leaders to elite athletes, Krista’s global clients turn to her when they need to communicate better, collaborate stronger, and perform under pressure.

With nearly two decades of experience as a Human Resources Director—and as a third-generation leader in her family-owned bank—Krista has lived what she teaches. Her no-fluff, deeply practical approach blends human insight with real-world strategy.

She’s the author of The Keep F!#ING Going*, a candid, energizing guide to navigating uncertainty and leading with strength in any season.

When she’s not coaching, speaking, or training, Krista is traveling the world in search of the best oyster bar—and fueling up with double-stuffed Oreos along the way.

Connect with Krista:

Instagram - @thekristaryan

Facebook - Krista Ryan

LinkedIn - Krista Ryan, PCC

Marli Williams is an international keynote speaker, master facilitator, and joy instigator who has worked with organizations such as Nike, United Way, Doordash, along with many colleges and schools across the United States. She first fell in love with transformational leadership as a camp counselor when she was 19 years old. After getting two degrees and 15 years of leadership training, Marli decided to give herself permission to be the “Professional Camp Counselor” she knew she was born to be. Now she helps incredible people and organizations stop waiting for permission and start taking bold action to be the leaders and changemakers they’ve always wanted to be through the power of play and cultivating joy everyday. She loves helping people go from stuck to STOKED and actually created her own deck of inspirational messages called StokeQuotes™ which was then followed by The Connect Deck™ to inspire more meaningful conversations. Her ultimate mission in the world is to help others say YES to themselves and their big crazy dreams (while having fun doing it!) To learn more about Marli’s work go to www.marliwilliams.com and follow her on Instagram @marliwilliams

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If someone's navigating something hard and you don't know what to do because it can be hard, number one, say I don't know what to do. I know you're going through something hard. I don't know what to do. Hearing that for that person can be like, thank you for not knowing what to do and acknowledging and calling that out. Grab this trusty old cell phone and send a text that has a heart emoji that is an act of care, consideration, love, and it reminds that person that they're not alone and you're choosing to reach out. I mean, it's beautiful, the connection that can happen.

What do you get when you mix bold leadership, mental performance and a lifelong love of double stuffed Oreos? You get our guest today, Krista Ryan, who is a certified executive coach, speaker and workplace performance expert who has spent nearly two decades helping leaders navigate chaos with clarity. She's the CEO of KFG coaching, a bravely pro coach and a room tilter with limitless minds. Her clients everyone from startup entrepreneurs to elite athletes to C suite execs. She's also the author of Keep Freaking Going, a no BS playbook for leading stronger and living Better When Things get hard. Get ready to rethink what resilience and performance really look like and welcome me and joining Krista Ryan on the Marli Williams Podcast today. Let's dive right in. Hey everyone, what's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams Podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator and speaker.

Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation and impact. Let's lead together. The Marli Williams Podcast begins now. Let's dive in. Well, hey everybody, what is happening? Welcome back to the Marli Williams Podcast where this week we are hanging out with Krista Ryan, who is a speaker, author, facilitator, performance coach and she's here to share some love, some magic with all of us to help us live out loud and keep fucking going no matter what. So, Krista, welcome to the show.

I love it. You didn't even sugarcoat the F word. You just came in for it.

This is an adult learning episode here.

Yeah, let it out loud. I love it.

We're coming in hot, baby.

Coming in hot on two wheels. That's my methodology.

That's right. That's right. It's so good. You know, we were just jamming and the tagline of this podcast is let's lead together. The thing is that leadership can be lonely. It can be isolating, especially when we're going through it. When we're going through it, we tend to hide and it's like, oh, nobody wants to deal with my shit, right? I would love for you just to kind of kick things off for the podcast crew to get to know Krista a little bit. You have a really inspiring journey, challenging journey.

Everything along the way, you know, that has gotten you to where you are, to speak to amazing teams, leaders, organizations all over the world about performance and how do we do this? How do we navigate this crazy, chaotic world that we're living in? How do we navigate change and challenge? So I'd love for you to just share like a little a bit about you and your story and your journey of what got you to this point. And then we can kind of take it from there and take it away. Take it away. Krista.

I always say let's talk life when life is life in. Let's unpack all of this. So I love you asking, like, how in the heck did you get to where you're at right now? Because as many of your listeners might feel the same way, like, how in the heck did I get here? It's just crazy. This where I'm at today. This is truly honest. I never, ever would have dreamt or put this on my life resume. This was not part of the plan. Guess what? No way.

So I come from HR. I say I'm a recovering human resources, you know, recovering human resources person. I worked in HR for 18 years and I got addicted to having conversations with people and trying to pull out, like, how do we keep growing and how do you become your best version? I got kind of addicted to supporting others, and in doing so, guess what? You're also supporting yourself. Fun fact. I became fully addicted to that. That this is going back to 2014 is kind of when I got addicted to this process. So at that time I decided, you know what? I think this is called coaching, right? I think this is called coaching. I'm going to go out and get a professional coaching certification.

So I found a program that was a two year program out in Boulder, Colorado. I went, you know, like full force and go big or go home. And I went into that program in 2015, graduated from that, and, you know, I just became obsessed with sharing stories and supporting people. My story took a pivotal turn and I think My life really began, Marli, in that I had graduated from this coaching certification, this program. And four days after I graduated, and this is no joke, my graduation, I flew home. I live in Minnesota, so I flew home from Colorado, and I was sitting on my patio. It was probably midnight, and I was looking at the stars, and it was beautiful evening. And I remember thinking, how am I going to utilize the tools I was just given to the best of my ability to impact this world? You know, I just want to make an impact.

And be careful what you question the. You know. You know, how you challenge the universe.

Yeah.

Because show me.

Yeah.

Someone was listening. It was like, you asked for this. Boom. I'm gonna put this right in your lap. So four days later, my husband and I flew out to Las Vegas, and we were involved in the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival mass shooting, which many know today is the Las Vegas mass shooting. So we were there that night, and we actually got separated during the shooting. So it's a lot of things that happened that night. So I saw things I was not mentally prepared to see.

It's still today. I hate saying this, because I feel like it's just. Ugh. It's just gross. But as of today, it stands as America's largest mass shooting. 58 people were taken off this earth that night by one act of evil. So the individual that chose to do that, I mean, unleashed a barrage of bullets for 11 minutes on a crowd of 22,000. So the things I saw that night and the things that I witnessed, I was not mentally prepared to see.

My husband and I were separated. It was chaos. So we kind of got separated in the commotion of it. I didn't know if he was okay. He didn't know if I was okay. Lost our phones, lost our shoes. It was really a survival experience. But the transition and the things that happened after that event is really the awakening for me, because when I came home, I was like, okay, I'm back to my normal.

I got to go back to my normal. You don't. You don't. When you navigate something like that, you don't go backwards. And I don't think any of us do. In life, when we navigate change, it's what's my new forward, what's my new reality? And what I found, Marli, and which aligns to your podcast. And really what you talk about is I was a fraud for two years because I was going in supporting organizations on a global scale. I was working through mindset training, workplace performance experts is what my title was.

So I Was pouring myself into my clients, pouring myself into supporting them and building their business and building their, you know, skill sets. And then I was coming home, and I was isolating. I lost who I was. I was making very poor choices. I was drinking a numb my pain. I did not forgive myself for a long time. The night of the mass shooting, some of the way that I was navigating in the moment was people were kind of pig piling on top of each other, you know, during the gunfire. And so we were all kind of hunkering down and taking cover.

And then someone would yell, okay, run, run, run. So we'd all jump back up and start running. And then we'd pig pile again. And I was seeing people that were shot or were hurt, and they were legit calling out for help. You know, I need help. I need help. And a lot of my journey was in that moment. All I could think of and all I could do is keep "effing" going.

I wanted to get home to my three children. It was my body's reaction of, you know, flight. And through that, I had to do a lot of. I had to unpack myself and say, like, okay, Krista, you have to forgive yourself for not reaching out and doing, you know, what you were trained or what you thought. That story we all tell ourselves, right? When I was growing up, I always told myself, if there's a building on fire, I'm gonna be one that runs into the building, and I'm gonna collect all the puppies and all the kids and all the people, and I'm gonna be a helper. Well, in the moment, there's no choice, right? There's just a reaction and a response. So I had to learn how to forgive myself. And I really had to unpack who I was.

The things that went south. And I had to figure out how not to isolate because I was so lonely. And I was choosing things that were so. They were intensifying the inner critic. They were intensifying the voice that saying, you're not a good mom. You weren't a good person that night. You're not a good wife. You're not a good friend.

You're not even a good business. You're not a good coach. There was all these things. And you know what was helping? Drinking. Well, here's what I was telling myself. Drinking, you know, a bottle of wine and listening to sad music to numb the pain. And realized there was a moment, Marli, that everything changed. Because I realized, you know what? If I don't figure this out, if I don't allow myself to actually sit with the emotions and the depth and the heaviness of that moment.

The person that decided to try to take as many lives off this earth, he didn't do it to mine. I was granted another chance. But if I don't figure this out, then guess what? He still wins. And I made the decision.

No way.

Like, there was a moment I was just like, no. No more. Because right now, I'm allowing him to win. He's not winning. I'm going to honor the people that didn't go home. They didn't get the chance. I'm going to honor them and their loved ones by doing the exact opposite. Unpacking, figuring out how to support myself and others that navigate something that's unexpected, an unexpected change in how do we live our best damn life, no matter what.

Life is life, not us. No matter what's handed to us. How do we take that and say, okay, I see you. Game on. I'm gonna live my best damn life, and I'm gonna do the opposite of what he intended to do. He wanted to destroy as many lives as possible. And I'm like, all right, challenge accepted. I'm going to wake the F up, and I'm going to figure this out.

I'm going to do all the hard work, and I'm going to make sure that he gave me the freaking fire in my heart to be like, we got one chance. Got one shot. He woke me the F up, and I'm like, okay, you thought you're going to destroy me now I'm reborn, Like, in doing that, it's like the big middle finger to him, you know, like, nope, not on my watch. But I had to wake up. It took two years.

Wow. Yeah. Such a powerful story to share because I think, you know, in this question of how do we navigate these unexpected changes that hit us, that come at us, that really kind of take us to our knees and where we, you know, the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves in those moments of how we handled something, how we didn't handle it, and how much shame and guilt and, you know, that. That people are experiencing. I just. I know. I just watched K Pop Demon Hunters with my friend.

Love it. I haven't seen it. Haven't you? Haven't seen it? I've heard. Yeah.

So the essence of it, it's very good. But it's kind of like the shame lives in the shadows and meaning, like, our shame gets bigger and bigger the more we hide, the more we isolate. And it's like, and sometimes it takes what it takes to wake us up. Sometimes it takes, like, maybe a tragedy, a moment. And then it takes for us to, like, acknowledge that and heal and really learn. Like, you know, when we go through those tragic moments, it's like, what is the lesson here that I am meant to learn for myself? And then, you know, I've had those moments where it's like, all right, my mission on the planet is, like, empowering women to say yes to themselves. And then, you know, I ended up in a relationship where I thought that I was saying yes to her and to me and to us, and she was saying yes to her and her dreams. And then it all fucking fell apart.

And then, similarly, I felt like a fraud. And, like, maybe people shouldn't say yes to themselves. Maybe I'm full of shit. Maybe this is a whole bunch of you know, it's like.

That's exactly right.

And it was like, whoa. I mean, different, you know, experience, but this idea that, yeah, sometimes those moments take us to our knees. And I remember, like, feeling so much shame, so much guilt for what happened, why it happened, like, how it all happened. Guilt for, like, you know, it's like I let myself down. I let her down. I felt like I let my mission in the world down. It was just like, so much of that can have be so heavy. And I think about how many people are walking around with these giant shame backpacks on.

Yes. Feeling like frauds. It's a terrible feeling to feel like a fraud of your own life. And when the reality is, we are not frauds. We're human. And we're not supposed to be perfect. We are supposed to be imperfectly perfect. And through our imperfections and through all of these things that happen that when we feel guilt and shame and, oh, these things didn't work out according to plan. That's not how it was supposed to happen.

Those are all opportunities to be like, ooh, pause. I get to choose how to navigate this. I don't get to choose what happens to me, but I do get to choose what to do with it. So it's amazing that if we can reframe when life hands us, you know, a challenging experience or moment, it's like, how do we pause and understand this is part of living, that we're gonna always go through something, and something's always an opportunity for something different.

It. It's hard. It's hard. And we start playing comparisons, you know, games.

Yeah. Sometimes I call it, like, the Oppression Olympics.

Yes.

I had this bad thing happen to Me and I had this bad thing happen to me. I just think it's so important too. I've heard people say it's like, treat people as though they've been through something challenging or they're going through something challenging because we all have. And, you know, so often we can have compassion for other people as they navigate their own grief or suffering, but it's like, can we turn that back towards ourselves and have compassion for ourselves in that journey as well? And how detrimental and draining it is to like, that inner critic and, you know, to know that, okay, it's like I did the best that I could with the tools that I had in a moment of, you know, survival, panic, instinct, fight, flight, free. You know, it's like we aren't thinking rationally. We're literally escaping a saber tooth tiger, which is. That's what I say. You know, it's like people and we're living in a world full of fear and chaos.

And there's a lot, I think, right now coming at people that we feel very out of control about, right? Like the things that are happening. And it's like every single day, if you turn on the Internet, the news or you're scrolling, it's like, it can feel sometimes like a saber tooth tiger is like chasing you down for your freedom, for your rights, for your this. And so, you know, today, and I know you have some really amazing, like, tools and frameworks to share with people because again, it's not about avoiding those things because it's like, if you are a human in the world, not able to avoid those things happening out in the world. And so it's like, how do we meet this moment in time? How do we meet, challenge and change? Like, I know that, you know, what are some ways that we can help the folks out here who are listening to this? They're, they're snapping their fingers. They're like, yep, the world is crazy. What do I do?

Yeah, number one is. And I hear this all the time whenever I tell the story or talk about where KFG. So I say, it's a. KFG is my motto of life. Keep freaking going. KFG, it's my formula. It's my reset of living. It's the action step of life.

Keep freaking going. Don't stop, no matter what. The night of the shooting, that's the only thing in my head. And that's where it was kind of the methodology came from. Because my clients were saying, Krista, what were you saying that night? I'm like, to be Honest. Keep going. Keep going. Run, run, run, run, run.

Keep going. So as I was healing and processing the next two years, I started to unpack it and realized this was an action step for survival. That night, guess what? This is an action step for living. Keep freaking going. And what that breaks down is K stands for no. That's like being honest and knowing where you're at, being honest about. I'm going through something. I'm not going to fake it till I make it.

Because guess what? That never works. You know, your body knows the difference. You're going to end up with anxiety, panic attacks. Like, fake until you make it is a bunch of bs. Don't ever subscribe to that. Like, no. You address what you're going through with brutal honesty. Brutal.

So that's the first step. Kfg. Know what you're going through. Be brutally honest with yourself. Like, am I okay? No.

If you say I'm fine. Fine is my most dreaded F word. It's bullshit. You're not fine.

Yeah, what do they say? Frustrate, irritable, neurotic and something.

Yeah, you're not fine.

You're actually not fine, right?

No. So be honest about it.

And I think it's so important for people, you know, again, this isn't about bypassing or overriding the fear, the sadness, the shame, the doubt, the grief, the heartache, whatever it is that you're going through. It's like, I think about, am I willing to tell myself the truth about myself to myself? Like, this moment of, like, wow, I'm really going through it right now and honoring that.

Honoring that, you know, allowing yourself to be, I mean, brutally honest without the shame and guilt. But saying, I see you, Krista, and I know this moment is hard and it's sad and it's lonely and it's frustrating and you're pissed and you're. And you can allow yourself the love to feel it. To feel it. Because guess what? It's not permanent. And the faster you acknowledge it and say, I see you. I see you. I'm not going to ignore you.

I see you. And you allow yourself to feel it. It's almost like you're allowing yourself to embrace it and then also begin the process of surrender. Like, okay, what do I do? What do I do? That's the second step is F is focus. So kfg, keep freaking going, everyone. Right? Kfg, Keep freaking going. But no, focus is the second part of this. Focus on who you are, your intentions, who are you and your values.

Like, who are you in this world, what makes you so beautifully unique?

When I was going through this, I forgot that my values are joy and connection. I am my best self if I am giving joy, feeling joy, sharing joy, and connected with others. And you know what? What? I was going through this. I was living on isolation island. I was avoiding people. I was making excuses. I was laying in bed. I was not connecting, and I felt no joy.

So it's like, remind yourself who you are and anchor in those values because they are your GPS and they will help support you in navigating any change that comes your way.

It's so good. You know, I think that. That, like, when I think about focus, it's like, where are we putting our valuable energy and attention? And so often we are focused on things out of our control versus the things in our control. And sometimes it's like we can spin out and we can ruminate. Like, I should have, could have, would have. I can't believe I didn't do xyz. We focus on that instead of focusing on, I did the best I knew how to do in that moment. And again, we don't get to control necessarily on the things that happen to us.

But it's like, I'm focused on, okay, who do I want to be now? And I think this piece of, like, what are my values? And what's really important am I spending time living those values.

That's being intentional with it, Being intentional with it and saying, like, I'm not. So what can I choose to do? I can choose to get out of bed and reach out to someone and say, I would really love a conversation. I would really love to connect with you or whatever your values are, not ignoring them or letting yourself disconnect further from them because they will support you more than anything. And being really dang intentional about it. Really intentional. I love to think about it. So I think about life as a vehicle, and we are in the driver's seat and think about, you just went through a construction zone, right? You're going from point A to point B, and you went through this huge, massive construction zone, and now you're behind, behind track by, like, two hours, and you're pissed off, and you're like, dang it, I'm behind. That made me mad.

That was annoying. That was sloppy. It's raining. I got my windshield wipers going on full speed. I'm pissed. And I'm gonna stare in that rearview mirror and be really upset about what happened back there. Is that benefiting us right now? No. Guess what? If you keep your eyes on the horizon and you understand that those windshield wipers are supporting you so you have a clear vision.

Right. They're helping you out. That's a support system. That's a tool. That's your squad. That's your network of people that are just waiting for you to say, I'm going through something. Can you help wipe my windshields? I need some more clarity here. I need some more vision.

But you can't do that if you're staring in the rearview mirror wishing all that construction never happened. Right. Got to look forward. You got to look forward and be like, it's a mess. It's crazy. I wish it didn't happen. It did. What can I do about the next moment? That's intentional living, 100%.

You know, like you said, you came back and you just, like, wanted everything to be the same. And it's more of, like, what's the new normal that's ahead of me?

You're a different person now.

You are a different person. And I think it's like, sometimes we force ourselves to stay the same, which is keeping us sometimes stuck in the past. Of like, who am I now? Who do I get to be? Because I've had these experiences that have, like, led me to this point.

Yeah. And this is so crazy because people, what I found is we navigate change so similarly. Like, we're so connected. We're so much more alike than we are different. So when people say, or even your listeners might be like, wow, I don't have a mass shooting experience. I can't relate. I disagree. Everyone's been through a change.

A job loss, a health diagnosis, the passing of a loved one. We all navigate those moments exactly the same. And it's through knowing what we're going through and being honest about it, focusing on our next best step. You know, how do I hold my intentions or hold my values and be intentional about this moment, caring for myself in the best way and therefore caring for others. And then the last part of it is, go, take action. Get your body up, get your body moving. Do the hard work. Like, we are built for moments like this.

Like, we are built for them. But now we have to be accountable and being like, I got this, and guess what? If I fall flat in my face, I'm human and I'm going to reset. I'm going to reach out for help and support. I call these my parachute people. They're the people that when you're in a free fall and you're like, oh, you know, they like, I got you. And they're gonna help pull that string, and you're gonna land a little bit softer because you're in it together. Those are my parachute people. We all have them, you know, like, hold out their hand and lift you up.

But you gotta be vulnerable and say, like, hey, I'm going through something. I need a little bit of support. I need a little bit of love. And through that. That is the purpose of life. That's why we're living.

It's so true, you know, And I think.

To be in service.

Yeah, to be in service. And I think that that piece of. It's easy to isolate because we think that we're being a burden to others because everybody else has got this and that going on. And I've done this exercise, like, in a sea of people saying, like, raise your hand if you love helping other people. It fills your heart. You feel like, you know, you feel valued. Raise your hand if you love helping other people. Right? Most people raise their hand and they say, okay, everyone put your hands down.

All right, second question. Raise your hand if you love asking for help. Who's in the room? Who do we got?

I love it!

Like, when you're going through it and you want someone to bring you soup or whatever, you know, it's like maybe one or two hands go. Barely go up or hesitate, and it's like, huh, okay. Room full of people. Love helping people. And then, you know, you think about what happens, like, when someone you love reaches out in a moment of vulnerability and says, hey, I'm going through it. Will you come over and sit with me? Have a movie? Come over and cuddle me and my dog, like. Or, let's go for a walk. Or, I could really use a friend.

It's like there's this moment of, like, you trusted me enough with the depth of who you are, not the shiny bits. So it's like, are we building relationships? It's like, who are my people? And I actually had to do a lot of work around. Like, I can go out in the world and network and connect. But I was like, I know a lot of people, but I don't feel known by many people. And I was. I had a breadth of connections, but I didn't have a depth of connections. And I was like, who are my people? When, like, shit hits the fan? Who are the people that I can call on or rely on? And I think in our moments of sadness, of grief, of vulnerability, of being in it, I think so often again, we hide, we isolate. It's like, Re wiring this pattern in our brain of asking for help as a sign of weakness.

And everybody's busy and they're doing their own thing. Whereas, like, asking for help is one. It's a sign of strength. And it's saying, I trust you to show up for me in this low moment. And that is what builds intimacy and connection and friendship and relationships. And I just.

And when it happens, to your point, when it happens, you feel so honored that someone had that thought of you. Like, hey, I'm having a hard time. Could you run to the store and grab me a gallon of skim milk? I'm so sorry, but you know, I just can't make it when that happens. Like, I got you. And then I'm so honored that they thought of me. And for some reason, it rewires our brain right now, that person. I feel like I know I'm on a soul to soul level. I feel like this isn't a surface relationship.

We're not going to talk about the weather. Like, we can talk about life. We can do hard things together. And it's just. It's why we're here. And I think if people think like, I don't have anyone like that, or I don't know what to do when someone's going through a hard thing. I always say, you're thinking too hard about it. You're thinking too hard about it.

Do something. So my favorite response to that is, if someone's navigating something hard and you don't know what to do because it can be hard, number one, say, I don't know what to do. I know you're going through something hard. I don't know what to do. Hearing that for that person can be like, thank you for not knowing what to do and acknowledging and calling that out. Grab this trusty old cell phone and send a text that has a heart emoji. That is an act of care, consideration, love, support. And it reminds that person that they're not alone and you're choosing to reach out.

I mean, it's a beautiful. The connection that can happen.

100%. You know, and I was just. Me and my partner were visiting a friend over the weekend who got diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago. And she was talking about this idea of like cancer ghosting, which is a thing, because they don't know what to do because they don't know what to say. They're like, ah, I'm out. And we. They like ghosts, they freak out and they don't do anything. And I'm like, that is the worst possible solution. I love Liz, my partner.

She, like, she has taught me so much about how to show up for people. She's like, the moment that that woman finds out that someone is sick, there is chicken noodle soup in an instacart delivered to their house, like, with some coconut water and some bath salts or whatever. And it's like 20 bucks. It's 20 bucks. And you can deliver it right to their house. We have a subscription. Delivery is free. It's like.

And sometimes I'm like, well, I don't know what to say or I don't know what to send. It's like, she does. Like, it doesn't fucking matter. Send a kombucha. Send them. You know, it's like, it doesn't matter what the thing is. Do they like chicken noodle soup? I don't know. The fact that you thought of them, that you sent something.

And again, as simple as an emoji. Him thinking about you, sending you so much love, and it's like. And I had to ask myself, am I being the friend that I want to have? Yes.

If this was happening to me right now, what would love and support look like? What would that act look like? Would it look like nothing, I promise. No. Okay, so go back a year and a half ago. I was diagnosed with stage three colorectal cancer. So that's another KFG moment, right? So I was 44. I was not at the age that you're even recommended to get screened anything. The only reason I went and got tested was because someone shared their story with me. And I kind of had a bubbly tummy for years where I thought I was gluten sensitive, all this stuff.

And I literally heard a whisper of, Krista, go check yourself. You know, just to double check, whatever. Went checked myself. Found out I had stage three colorectal cancer. So I went through four rounds of chemo, four surgeries, had an ostomy for a year while I was healing all things that was. But I anchored in no kfg, no focus. Go. Like living out loud.

I had learned in the past what not to do. So what I didn't do is isolate. Like, the second I got diagnosed, I lived out loud. I started telling everybody under the sun what was going on, you know, and saying, like, I need some help. I need some support. This is going on. I'm having a hard day. And through that, so many people were like, thank you, me too.

Or, this is happening in my life. You're living your life out Loud, without any apology. Like, you know, as a 44 year old woman, to talk about your ostomy, which if your listeners don't know what that is, it's a device that you don't go to the bathroom normally. You've got a bag attached to your body. That was a crazy experience. But I'm like, you know how many people have this that don't talk about it because they're full of shame? I'm like, I'm pulling the curtain back. I named her Blanche because I love the Golden Girls and Blanche doesn't take shit from anybody but me. And that is fucking hilarious.

Yeah.

So I would have my Devereaux days, which is where I just took a whole day off and relaxed and, you know, Blanche Devereaux was the queen of sass and all things. I just lived it out loud and brought humor into the experience. And people were like, whoa, you're talking about things that we don't talk about. And I'm like, that's life. I'm living my life out loud because we are so connected. We're so much more similar than different. And through ripping off the band aid and detaching from all of the, like, fear and negativity and living that journey out loud, I found myself connected to others on a level I never imagined possible. And I can sit here today, Marli, and tell you that my biggest gifts in my life were navigating a mass shooting and navigating a cancer diagnosis.

Those are the biggest gifts of my life because I learned a new way to live 100%. And it's through sharing our stories, which someone doing that for me saved my life. And now I share my stories and my experiences and all of my falling on my face and then getting back up and falling on my face and making my, you know, mistakes. And I live out loud because that's how we stay connected. That's how we get stronger and better, is through living out loud together, we are all navigating crazy shit, all of us.

Ain't that the truth, my friend? And you know, I just think like the power of vulnerability, or as I like to say, being "vulneragous".

Yes. I love that word. That is like my new favorite word.

Like, it takes courage to be vulnerable. And sometimes I say visibility is vulnerability. When you put yourself out there, when you share what's going on, we don't know who is going to show up or who's not going to show up. And I think like you said, when we share the truth of who we are, when we're honest with ourselves, about ourselves, and when we're honest and real and authentic and "vulnerageous" with others, like, that's what builds depth and connection. And it is the thing that is the thing that will help us get through anything. We are not meant to go through life alone. We are wired for belonging and for human connection. And that is, again, it's what brings meaning and joy and purpose to our lives.

And there's a quote that I love so much that it says, sadness shared is halved and happiness shared is doubled. Oh, so good. Yeah.

That's one that you could sit. We could have an hour conversation to unpack it. We could easily.

Right. When you share your happiness, it's amplified, it's doubled. We can celebrate. And. And I think it's like, sometimes we just think that being vulnerable is sharing all of our open wounds or all of our struggles. I think it's vulnerable to share your wins, your success, your joy. There's a word that my partner uses all the time. It's called compersion, which essentially means finding joy in other people's joy.

Yes. Cheering louder than anyone in the room.

And it's like. So I think it's not just, hey, will you come over and sit with me during this hard moment. That's a piece of it. But it's like, will you celebrate this win with me?

Yes.

Someone said, like, if you want to know who your greatest friends are, tell them your biggest wins and see how they react. Because some people, they want to cut you down. You're going on vacation. Someone's like, good for you.

Competitive, Competitive.

Good for you. You're going on vacation. Lucky you.

Must be nice.

Must be nice. Or like, yes, queen, go after it.

Like, yes, go live life. Like, I can't wait to hear about it. Like, take a million pictures. Yes.

And so I think it's both, you know, sharing the sadness, being halved of knowing if you're going through something, you don't have to do it alone. Right. And how powerful it is.

Oh, it's so good.

It is. It's so good. It's so good. Okay. So bringing things home, bringing things together. We've covered so much, and I just think this is. There's gold in this for people. What final words of wisdom or advice do you want to leave people with as we send them out into the world to navigate the changes, the challenges, the the life lifing them? What do you want people to walk away knowing and feeling?

Number one, I want them to know the Honest truth, that they're not alone. Even in the darkest moments when they feel like, Krista, I actually don't have a parachute person. I actually don't have someone I can reach out to. That's a false BS story that their inner critic, that. That is a wiring of their brain that is telling them something that's completely false. I'm here, you're here, the neighbor next door. Drive to the freaking gas station. And when you're checking out with your Sprite or your bottle of water, have a conversation with that person and say, like, tell me how your day is.

Tell me something fun about you. Ask a curious question. That person will share something with you. And guess what? You're not alone. You're no longer alone. So when you're telling yourself you're alone, it's BS and you're not. And you're not alone. You've got a million people that are just waiting for you to say, this is what I need, or I got you, or I'm here.

You're never, ever alone. We're in this together. And honestly, please, please, please understand the value in navigating life collectively. Together and living out loud. We all have amazing stories. And when we have the courage and vulnerability to share them, you are going to find so much freedom on the other side, but you're going to find that there is such a beautiful life that's just right there waiting for you to show up. And it is just. God, it's awesome.

No matter what's happening, just right there, we're right there, and it's glorious. It's not going to be easy. It's not supposed to be. This is a messy, wild ride of life, but it's right there. And I promise, just take a step into it and it's. It's glorious.

Thank you so much for that. I think it's so beautiful to just remind people that sometimes we do feel alone. And we live in a world, I think, that has told us, like, pull up your bootstraps and do it yourself and figure it out. And somehow if you can't figure it out by yourself, then you're broken. There's something wrong with you. All of these things. And it's like, we're not meant to do it alone. And when we do share our stories, we connect to each other in our essence, in our humanity.

And I think about being. What does it mean to be human? And it's like for thousands and thousands and thousands of years, we sat around fires and we told stories. That is what we did. That's what we did. And I think it connects us to each other. And the more that we hide, the more we hold back, the more we isolate, the more we pretend or put on the mask or create this illusion that somehow we have to be perfect to be loved where it's like, it's an invitation to, like, how can I deepen my love and my compassion for myself? Be honest with myself, Share that, Share the fullness of who I am again. At the end of the day, our days, we can look back and say, like, man, that was a wild ride. I showed up, I played full out.

I felt the sadness, I felt the fear, I felt the grief. I felt the love. I felt the joy. I lived out loud. Isn't that what we all want to say at the end of the day? And so it's like starting today, do something to help you live out loud and, like, use what we've shared here today. There's so, you know, keep effing going to be honest with where you're at to focus on your intentions and living your values and take bold, inspired action in service of your best bold dreams of what does it look like and sound like and feel like for you to live fully, to live out loud. What a gift. What a gift.

I love it. I just decided what's going to be on my tombstone. I'm going to share it with you on my tombstone. It's going to say, it's going to say, coming in hot on two wheels, living out loud. Kfg.

Yeah, kfg.

Or like coming in hot on two wheels, living out loud. Being perfectly imperfect, beautiful. That's what we're supposed to do. That's what we're supposed to do.

That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. Oh, my God. Krista, you are a gift to this world and I'm so grateful to have you here and I would love for you to share. Where can people, like find you your work, learn more about you in the world?

And the easiest spot to go is my website, kristaryan.com. So Krista K R I S T A Ryan.com Reach out. You can contact me directly from there and I encourage anyone listening to this that does feel alone or if you have a story to share. I'm here to be a support person and listen. You're never alone. So yeah. kristaryan.com beautiful.

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Thank you for having me.

Ah, it's such an honor. Such a gift.

Y' all. If you're listening to this, you love this, you like this, Rate it, review it, share it with a friend who needs to hear this message right now and what a gift that is to say, hey, I was thinking about you right? So thank you all KFG for listening. KFG Krista, thanks for being here and until next time, take care. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams Podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off.

See you next week.