Email habits, communication boundaries, and the three little words that can mean everything or nothing at all. In Episode 3, The Traveling Saleslady sits down with Lauren Caulfield, Erin Thompson, and Angie Gray to talk about what decades in sales, coaching, and leadership actually teach you about how you communicate and how you protect your time and energy while doing it.

From the inbox anxiety of a high-pressure sales environment to setting hard stops on work hours, these four women get honest about what they got wrong early in their careers and what they'd tell their younger selves now. Plus: is "how's it going" a genuine question or just noise? The answer depends entirely on who's asking.

Learn more about The Traveling Saleslady Here

Takeaways:

• Effective email management is essential for maintaining productivity in high-pressure environments.
• It is crucial to discern between urgent emails and those that can wait for a response.
• Establishing boundaries between work and personal life can significantly enhance overall well-being.
• The manner in which one addresses inquiries about their well-being can impact interpersonal relationships.
• Honesty in communication can foster deeper connections, especially in a professional context.
• Learning to prioritize what to address in emails can alleviate stress and enhance focus.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Aspire for More
• High Performance Nursing
• The Traveling Saleslady

Produced by Brilliant Beam Media

Well, how about emails?

As we've kind of continue to go through our careers, have you learned anything about emails?

Do you jump to answer them?

Do you ever write an email that you let it sit for 24 hours to make sure you really should hit send?

Or how do you address emails?

Good, bad, and even the ugly.

Lauren, how about you?

How do you address emails?

Oh, God.

Emails were always the death of me.

Yeah, I try to answer them right away, but I scan emails, right?

So I'm not opening every single email up.

I kind of look and say, is this a cc?

Just kind of nice to know.

I'll look and see if it's important, but that's my problem.

They say you should have a designated time every day to answer emails.

I'm distracted by the emails.

I want to get it off my plate.

That's.

That's my.

That's kind of the way I am.

I need stuff off my plate.

I don't like it hanging.

But I always got overwhelmed.

And after 40 years in the business with emails and everything else, I never got a system down.

I really didn't, I'm embarrassed to say.

So don't look at me for advice on the emails because I'm not your girl.

Well, at least you're.

At least you're honest.

So we'll just make a mental note.

There will not be a training course on how to adequately and appropriate look at emails from Lauren.

And can we count on you for that course?

Sure.

I can tell you what not to do.

I, you know, inside the community, you know, high pressure, high urgency kind of environment, I would read my emails all the time, all the time.

And then I would sometimes respond in my mind, never send the email.

Then forget that I read the email and that I was supposed to respond.

And then I would feel like an email was a text message that required an immediate response.

And so I would respond very immediately.

And sometimes with the anxiety of the moment and not necessarily with the anxiety of the email, which is really unfair to the person who's reading the email.

You know what I mean?

And of course, when I get a response back, I'm like, why are they talking like that?

You know?

And I don't even realize that I was the one that generated the anxiety through the email.

I did learn that when you switch modes, okay, because a few years ago I had younger kids and like, when I'm at home, I should probably not be reading important emails during bedtime routines or during very busy mom moments, because it's a different person reading those emails.

And so I would read them and then keep them unread so I could reread them again when I'm in a different non mom mode.

But where I am now is I still read them, you know, all the time.

But I do wait to respond.

I'm understanding my awareness of or I think about it more than I used to.

And I realize there is no real urgency to most of these emails so I can give the best version of myself instead of the most anxious version of myself.

And then I realized that email is not a text message.

So there is a little bit of grace.

So that's my new mindset and philosophy on that from, from the original philosophy.

I like it.

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron 1.1 and Aaron 1.2.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about you, Angie?

What are your thoughts?

Gosh, I feel like I did so many things wrong.

The first part of my career, my Angie Gray Wellness part of my, well, there was nursing and then there was homeschool mom and then there was Angie Gray Wellness prevention education coaching and then high performance nursing.

So if I go with Angie Gray Wellness when I started entrepreneuring is really when those would come into play.

And I think at that time I just did everything all the time, 24 7.

And I missed out on so much life.

I missed out on so much of my family.

I was there, but I was not present.

And it can make me feel comfort right now just like, because, you know, I don't have regret and I'm grateful that I've learned the things I've learned.

But it makes me sad to know that, you know, for three or four years I was super not present.

And I don't feel shame around it.

Just it's, it's hard to think about.

So I learned from a really great coach, from her example.

She, she did her emails on Monday.

I'm not saying I do this, but she gave me the mindset that to remember that I get to control it.

I get to decide how I spend my time.

And so I do try.

I mean, I'm very good about work ends at three is my, my goal every day is my work ends at 3.

And then that gives me a little bit of time as I'm doing my workouts.

I'll still check my emails, but after, after four for sure.

I'm not checking any emails now.

That's very different from the people that I coach.

Right.

Or Aaron coaches because they, they.

Well, when we're talking to them, we got to figure out boundaries, you know, like, you know, those things are much different, but.

So it's not a perfect plan, but I just, I really, really, really try to keep work here and, and home life here.

And even though I only have one kid home kinda, Geez Louise, I'm talking to my kids every single day.

And that's.

Don't anybody, anybody that's got older kids, we can all tell Aaron that, that just, it does not change.

You are still 24 7, Mommy.

For sure.

Just different.

Anyway, that's how emails are for me and I would not open it last night.

In fact, I didn't.

It was an important email, but I like, no, I'm not going to answer that right now.

Yes.

But it was after work hours, you know, I'm like, nope, fine.

Yeah, so it's good.

You know, you talked about some of not having the regrets being away from your family.

We all went through it and I was a crazy workaholic.

Like I spent a lot of time, work, work, work.

And now that I'm one year into retirement, looking back, the perspective is so different.

And I wish that we could all retire and then go back to work afterwards because I don't worry about the small stuff.

I'm not.

I didn't realize how many emails were bogging my brain, how many work things were bogging my brain and I wasn't present.

Now all that's behind me and for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying life for myself.

Right.

And I'm not worried about all the stuff and I don't have a million things on the, on my plate with the mind chatter at night that is just bogging my brain down.

And I thought, oh my gosh, wouldn't it this been nice to learn those, those tricks of the trade 12, 13, 15 years ago and then go back to work because I didn't realize you, you kind of look back and you don't realize how stressed you are and how your mind is so just cluttered with stuff until you get away from it and you live your life for yourself.

Doing every day I get up every day and say, what will I do today?

Because today is all about me.

Which it never was between kids and you know, career and I ran a nonprofit and it was always so crazy busy.

So I, it just resonated with what you just said, Angie.

For sure.

Yeah.

So Aaron, this is a great question for you because I know you're the founder of Aspire.

For more with Aaron.

And so how honest should someone be who's aspiring to be more with a client or a leader if they ask how's it going?

How truthful are you or should a person be?

That's a good question.

I don't think that you should just vomit from the mouth about all the things that are wrong because that's overwhelming to the person listening because more than likely they're asking how things are going and they want a minute to.

A minute, 30 second reply, right?

So I mean, how many times have we called people and just, just said everything and they were like, I don't know what to do, you know, and so you can be honest and say something to the point where, you know it's going pretty good.

I have a few struggles that I'm working on, but overall, here's what's working, here's what's not, and be very, very specific.

It's almost like you're getting an email and there's 10 things that you have to do inside that email.

And that's very overwhelming.

And so you want to think about it the same way when you're actually telling somebody something.

Because my grandmother used to go into the store and I would take her to the store and of course she didn't have anybody to talk to unless somebody came to visit.

And so then the grocery store person asked her how she was doing and then the line was held up for 20 minutes, you know, every time, never failed.

And I'm like, don't say it.

And that was it.

That was it.

So don't be that person.

Right?

Don't be that person.

Don't be that person.

Okay, quick break.

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Angie, what are your thoughts?

I know you with your company, High performance Nursing.

I know you do a lot of coaching.

Does this topic ever come up?

How much information is too much when someone asks you, how are you doing?

Or do you be proactive and if you have an issue, do you speak up?

Ahead of the curve?

What are your thoughts?

That's very good.

My first thought is, Aaron, what you just said reminds me.

I think it's State farm.

I think it's state Farm or farm bureau, whatever.

And it's like, don't be your parents.

Yes, yes.

Oh my God, I am already there.

I find myself like already there and going, oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm Sorry.

Anywho.

So.

Yeah, but my husband's already there.

P.S.

He's already there 100.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

They don't care, I think.

Okay, so the question was, do you.

If.

Do.

If somebody asks you, how are you doing?

Are you honest?

How do you handle that?

My.

My answer to that is, it's only just being pleasant.

Those are pleasantries.

I don't really want to know how you are if you're my friend.

I do if we're having a camp, but if this is just like, hey, how you doing?

I just want to know.

I'm good.

Good.

I'm so glad you're good.

Okay, next.

You know, like, for real.

We all know.

We all know that's the truth.

And those are pleasantries.

And I was trying to think of what that's called.

That's just a.

It's a.

Isn't it just a cultural thing, like how we were raised?

We just do that here, you know,.

And that's like a common courtesy.

Yes, yes.

And it's rude if you just, like, don't ask people, how's it going?

You know, so, no, I don't think that's necessary to do that.

I am really, genuinely asking you or Aaron or Lauren or See it for sure.

But sometimes people don't have those boundaries.

And then that's like the plane situation.

When you're on a plane and you're saying, hey, you know, like, oh, I really did.

This was rhetorical.

Honestly, I really.

Any.

But my people that we coach.

I think.

Yeah.

I think what you said to sort of talk about, how are you doing?

Yes.

If you are not doing well, the whole.

One of the big parts of coaching is teaching or coaching people and training skills in how to have that hard conversation.

When I'm not doing great, I feel like I'm burning out.

I feel frustrated.

I need clarity, whatever that is, to train those skills in first, you know, self awareness.

Is this even a real thing?

Do I really need to go to my boss and talk about this or whatever?

But, yeah.

So that's like sort of prevention, you know, if that answers your question.

Yeah.

You just took me down a whole thinking path.

Isn't that funny when we have these conversations, a whole.

Because I think now we could really get into this.

Of how's it going?

Right.

Can be a common courtesy like we just talked about.

For people that we don't know and all relative, it's a common courtesy versus a deep care, but for people that we work alongside with or coach or lead.

If we've dedicated time to really ask how's it going?

I would want honest feedback then in hopes that I'd love to hear.

It's going great.

It's going awesome.

Yay.

We've got an employee, we've got culture.

That's all good or not so good.

Oh, why share, please.

Let's try and fix it or pivot it or whatever.

So now it's like this little, you know, how's it going?

Three words can really be bucketed into a bunch of different situations.

For sure.

That's a great point.

These guys know, but that'd be like, you know, your one on ones and how important it is to be able to ask open ended questions and probably how's it going?

Isn't the best question to begin a one on one with and there's other more, there's other better ways to do that.

But that's what you're talking about.

And I'm sure Lauren and Erin know that.

Yeah, that's a totally different thing.

Yeah.

And important.

Super important.

Yeah.

And now I'm thinking when I go to a Target checkout register, I'm not even going to say, how's it going?

I'm just going to say hello and shut it down before it even gets going.

Right.

You can start, you can be like, you look great today.

Those are nice things to say.

That's true, that's true.

You're doing a great job.

Now hustle it up, guys.

So much.

How about you, Lauren, Any input on this one?

Well, I think with my friends all day long, I'm going to say, how's it going?

What are we doing here?

How you feeling with clients?

I think there's two sides.

There's the pleasantries of how you're doing, which is just the way we all start out with.

And at that point, you know, if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, I probably just, hey, great, thank you, thank you for asking.

But in my role as a consultant and as a problem solver with customers, I always started out and it was literally like, how are things going?

You know, is there?

Because I was a problem solver, right.

So I really needed to know where they were at at the moment.

And I would say, what's working well and what is keeping you up at night?

So that I had a good sense of the direction of the meeting and any things that were really bothering them at the time that we needed to address.

So do we need to shift the agenda?

So in that case, it's very different than just me saying oh, how are you?

And giving the standard answer of oh, I'm great and you and I hope that answers it.

I just look at it in two different ways depending on on my role at the time.

Yeah, I think it comes with experience too because again, my mind is going all over the place with different avenues and flashbacks.

But I remember being young, in sales, early in my career and if I called a current customer and we had a project in the works, how are things going?

If they were to say not good, my heart would fall of, oh my goodness.

Now how do I even address that?

Like it was just a feeling of doom, gloom, not the answer I wanted.

Whereas now if I were, you know, fast forward many, many, many did I mention many years later if someone says, you know, if I ask that question, it would be okay, well help me understand, you know, and I really mean it without this doom and gloom of okay, let's dig in and let's figure this out.

But sometimes you forget for people that are starting out early in their careers that these little questions can really be big deals that keep them up at night not only, not only their customers.

I think we're probably going to say the same thing.

I bet we are.

All the more important it is to as it is as a leader and to train and develop our leaders in the skills of communication, relationship skills, how to have that kind of conversation that builds trust because you can ask that question all day long.

But if they don't trust you, they're not going to tell you how they feel.

Or if they don't have self confidence, those other things we talk about, then they don't want to do because they know that that's going to bum you out as my leader.

If you're my leader and I know you like me and you care about me, I don't want to bum you out.

Oh my gosh, so many people are like that.

But trust is just, it's.

Without it, you're never really knowing anything.

You really never do.

So it's super important.

Yeah, I think you have to.

You only ask that question a few times to the same person until you realize, I don't want to ask that question to the person who's going to tell me everything that's wrong in their life.

And then you're going to figure out how to have the niceties like there's somebody in my life that when you ask that question, you are not going to leave their presence for at least 15, 20 minutes.

And it's all Things that they carry with them all the time, the same stories.

We're never growing.

We're still in that.

And it's just like, oh, my God.

So you're gonna just.

You're just gonna be like, hi, it's so good to see you.

I love you.

And I'm headed this way, you know, so.

And to Angie's point, do you want to be the person?

If I said to you, how are you?

And then all of a sudden, I didn't really care.

Somebody else can feel that energy.

So to Angie's point, I want to be the person that actually cares about the answer.

And can I be that person?

And I think that that is an important distinction to make for us if we're going to ask that question.

Yeah, agreed.

And the person on the other end, too, to your point.

You made a good point, Aaron.

They have to understand, too.

I know.

Backtracking.

But when I first started out, one of the biggest pieces of good advice that has stayed with me for over 25 years is my very first manager.

He would always say, if you're going to come with a problem, that's okay, but you also must come with a solution.

And I'm not telling you we're going to use the solution.

I'm not going to tell you it's a great solution.

It's a bad solution.

But think about it before you come in this room with a problem and have a solution and then we talk.

And I loved that piece.

I still live by that piece of advice of be thinking about, don't just show up, throw up with the problem.

A problem.

But think about, could we do this?

Can we pivot this way?

What can we do?

And then to me, you're turning it into a brainstorming session with contributions from both parties.