Kathryn DeZur – Objects of Affection

The things Kathryn DeZur focuses on—a doll, a quilt, bookshelves, a gun, an ashtray, a table, a finial—in this book of 15 essays are things that connect her to and shape her memories, which is to say that inform her sense of self, her history, her culture, the people around her. Hence, objects of affection.

She is a daughter whose father was asked by her mother to leave the home before Kathryn was 1 and who did, leaving Kathryn to live in poverty with her alcoholic mother; and so, when Kathryn was 10, she had to pick out her mother’s burial clothes after the alcoholism took her mother’s life. She moved to live with her father, to a better life in some ways but he had two preoccupations, neither of which was Kathryn. Even in this carefully constructed sense of self, Kathryn shows, things and people can knock everything askew. Though even now she regards her father as that because he fulfilled the role, he wasn’t, it turns out, her biological dad.

Before this book of personal essays, Kathryn published a poetry chapbook, Blue Ghosts, and she maintains samples of her photography at KDZ Photography on her website at kathryndezur.com.

Individual essays by her have appeared in HerStry, Dorthy Parker’s Ashes, and The Nassau Review among other places. She lives and writes in the northern Catskill Mountains and she is a professor emerita in English at SUNY Delhi.

Topics Discussed

• The relationship between objects, memory, and personal meaning
• How memory shapes and reinforces our sense of identity
• The ways memory can be reconstructed, incomplete, or unreliable
• Growing up with an alcoholic parent
• Kathryn's childhood in Oakland and her move to suburban San Jose
• Childhood experiences of loneliness, belonging, and people-pleasing
• How art can provide distance and structure for processing difficult memories
• Kathryn's mother's artistic life and influence
• The story behind the Easy-Bake Oven
• Discovering that the man who raised Kathryn was not her biological father
• Using DNA testing to uncover family history
• Discovering six half-siblings later in life
• The ways genetics can manifest through mannerisms, speech, and behavior
• The significance of the essay "Nothing"
• The emotional meaning of home, safety, and permanence
• Being forced to leave a beloved home because of a threatening neighbor
• Kathryn's attempt to use minimalism and decluttering to regain a sense of control
• Why sentimental objects can carry profound emotional meaning
• The story of Tammy, Kathryn's childhood doll
• The connection between objects and feelings of belonging
• Letting go of possessions versus letting go of the past
• Finding a second "Tammy" later in life
• Self-forgiveness and the idea of self-abandonment
• How writing Objects of Affection became a form of reckoning with the past

Key Takeaways

• Memory is creative. We don't simply retrieve memories; we reconstruct them, fill in gaps, and sometimes reshape them over time.
• Objects can become repositories of memory. A seemingly ordinary possession can carry layers of personal history, emotion, and meaning.
• Art can help us approach difficult experiences. The structure and distance created through writing and photography can make painful memories easier to examine.
• Belonging matters. Homes, objects, and relationships can become tangible representations of safety and permanence.
• Decluttering doesn't necessarily erase emotional history. Getting rid of objects doesn't mean getting rid of the memories attached to them.
• Identity isn't determined solely by biology. Kathryn's discovery about her biological father did not fundamentally change her understanding of who she was.
• Loss and replacement aren't the same thing. The second Tammy couldn't replace the childhood doll, but it could take on a new meaning.
• Self-forgiveness can be part of healing. Sometimes an object or experience can help us recognize where we've abandoned our own needs and begin to forgive ourselves.

“Objects can serve as places of meaning and of memory and of experience and history.” - Kathryn DeZur

Find out more about Kathryn and purchase Objects of Affection on her website.

Follow Kathryn on Instagram.

This entire episode is also available for viewing on our YouTube channel.

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Recorded & Produced by Jon D PodCom

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