Let Your Guard Down: The Power of Authenticity in Relationships

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Embracing vulnerability leads to deeper, genuine connections.
• Discover the surprising benefits of being open and authentic in relationships.
• Learn how sharing personal struggles can build stronger, more meaningful bonds.
• Find out why vulnerability is crucial for personal growth and emotional resilience.
• Uncover the misconceptions about being vulnerable and how it can actually empower you.

Hi. Today's episode is all about vulnerability. It is our intention for you hearing this, that you understand it, and that you're hearing it for a reason. And that is to become more vulnerable with those around you and make closer connections. Welcome to the five year you podcast, a show dedicated to helping you become the best version of yourself one day at a time.

I'm Andrew. And I'm Cat. And we promise to keep it raw, real, and relatable. Are you ready to grow? This podcast is intended to entertain, educate, and inspire you on a personal journey towards your best self.

We are in no position to give advice and are hot messes on the best of our days. Clearly, we're in no position to offer health or medical advice or really any life advice, but we want to entertain you. Just a reminder, this is not a replacement for proper medical care or therapy. If you are struggling, please seek help from a qualified health professional. Let's jump in.

Welcome to the show. Today's episode is called the art of vulnerability. We are really, really excited about this episode because this is something that can really bring people together, and it's not something that I feel is talked about that much anymore. How are you doing, Cat? I'm doing well.

I love that we're doing this, too. I feel like people who are comfortable being vulnerable are sort of in the minority, but then when you are vulnerable with other people, it's usually so appreciated. You'll feel less alone, and it helps build stronger connections. Yeah. So I know when we talk about vulnerability, I think there might be some misconceptions for it.

So do you have any way of, like, maybe making examples or just maybe defining it? Sure. I mean, a really easy example for me is to think about being a mother, interacting with other mothers, that there are times when mothers, let's say, oh, my baby, slept all the way through the night. Or, like, let's say they're, like, bragging on their kids and stuff, which is easy to do because we all love our kids. But I think a lot of people like to put on the best version of themselves, the Instagram version of themselves.

Everything's great. I'm doing great. My kids are great. Love being a mom. Super.

The best. But it's all events where I've sat down with a new mom and I've said, look, like, if these early days with your baby are dark, you're not the only one. If you're feeling really overwhelmed or you miss your life before you had kids, that's so normal. It's okay if there are some days where you miss what was before. And to me, that's an example of vulnerability, where I'm saying there are these thoughts and feelings that I have about whatever topic, and they might be a little bit counter to how you're supposed to be or supposed to feel or how you're supposed to present yourself, but everybody feels them.

And when we're vulnerable and we share things with people, we help others. So we can know about your kids. It can be about life in general. When. I love when people are, let's say, a big influencer on Instagram, and they talk about how they went through a period of anxiety or depression or, you know, when someone just tells me, like, they opened up to their spouse because, you know, they learned how important vulnerability was, and instead of trying to put on a show or act like everything was great, they said, look, like these things are not okay.

I'm feeling this kind of way. I just think that we're very big on authenticity here at five year, um, because we believe being authentic to yourself is the true path to a happy life. And being vulnerable is one of the best ways you can practice authenticity. I love that. I don't know if we're losing touch with it more or if it's never been there.

It's hard to say what I found as a man. And I use that with air quotes because I don't view myself as the stereotypical man. It's really hard to be vulnerable with people. And at the same time, in the last year, I have gotten ridiculously vulnerable, which it is what it is. I'm grateful for it.

But in doing that, I have been able to forge deeper connections with strangers and good friends in fast times. So, you know, I'm feeling moved right now, and I didn't was not thinking of doing this, but I'm just going to share a few things for my own sake because I think people will look at us and they'll look at us and our stories and everything like that because, you know, we post stuff on social and whatnot. You want to talk about the good things because those are fun. But the reality is, like, I've had. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life.

It's only in the last year that I actually took action on overcoming it and it's gotten a lot better. But, like, there are some really awful moments with that stuff. And, you know, I spent my whole life lying to everyone, including myself, just saying it was okay, but when I've been able to go to people and say, you know, like, how are you doing? It's like, you know, today's a good day or today's rough. I was crying on the phone to somebody last week who's probably never going to call at that time again during the day.

But, you know, this is somebody I had known for a really long time, and they were not expecting that. And I was just, I was having a moment. It was a rough moment. And I could tell that they didn't know what to do because I think as, I don't know if this is a man thing or what, but I think as guys, we're always kind of in problem solving mode, and we're like, you know, we talked about that in a previous episode in sympathy or solutions, but I was able to say, like, look, I don't need you to do anything. I just need to.

I'm in the middle of this right now. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I know I'm not going to feel like this. Maybe in ten minutes, maybe an hour, maybe tomorrow. I don't know when, but it's hard.

I've gone through some pretty big things in the last year, and there's been some great things that have happened, too. But when the hard things come, they always sting more than the good things feel good. But by being vulnerable with people, people are like, oh, he's real. He's not putting on an act, he's not putting on a show. And what I found to happen is that the people that are willing to, I'm going to use the term rise up, but I don't view it as like, being, you know, emotionally rise up and go, wow, I'm also having this problem, or, I got you, or whatever that connection is.

There's a deeper connection that gets formed when you're vulnerable with someone, and because of that, everything changes. Suddenly you don't have that issue. In fact, like, I, like I say on every episode lately, I'm incapable of having small talk, but that part of it is kind of like, I just, I want to know, like, I can be superficial with anyone. That takes no skill, it takes no talent. We can all put on a fake smile and be Instagram or social media or whatever thing.

A shiny face is easy to have. What's harder is to go to somebody and say, I'm having a hard time. And for that person to go, oh, I can help you. And if they're like, you know what? Sorry, this is, you know, this is not for me.

I'm just, I like to keep it where I'm at, I like easy going flow. That's great. I'd rather know that in the first day. I'd rather know that now than in two years when something happens. So when it comes to being vulnerable, you know, I'd like to say that it's easy.

It's not. I'd like to say that you're going to be able to keep everybody that you have. You're probably not. There's going to be some people that just aren't for that. But, and this is the main thing, the right people will stick around.

The people that you can forge a deeper connection to, if that's what you're craving, will stick around. And I would rather have five great friends than 50 fair weather friends. Yeah. It's not surprising that, as you're saying that I was thinking the same thing regarding friends. And in many ways, being vulnerable with somebody else is a courageous act, because you are taking a piece of yourself that could be taken in a number of different ways, and you're handing it to somebody else with trust.

And you're saying, here's this part of me that maybe I haven't been willing to share until this moment, and I could be judged for it. I could lose this friendship over it, I could lose this relationship over it. But it's so important to me to be authentic that I'm handing this to you with no idea how you're going to react. So it is a courageous act. And like you said, and we've both experienced this, sometimes you're vulnerable with people, and it's just a lot for them, or they're not in that mode, or they've got their own stuff going on, and you find out that a friend you really liked or care about just could not be there for you in that moment.

Other times, you take that piece of yourself and you have the other person, and it could be anything. It could be. I'm struggling with this. This is what's going on in my relationship. Oh, like with my sibling, I don't know how to deal with this thing with my spouse.

I'm having these intrusive thoughts all of the time, and I don't know if it's just me or if I should go to somebody about it. And you're giving that to somebody who might think that you're way put together all the time, and you're trusting them with that. And then that somebody might be like, oh, me too. Or, you're not the only one. Or, I know it looks like my husband and I get along great, but we deal with this, too, or whatever it is.

When you give that piece of yourself and they respond positively, it really does form a deeper bond. And those are the types of friendships and relationships and partnerships that make life a lot richer and more meaningful. Yeah, you're absolutely right. The visual that was coming to my brain was taking off the mask. Right?

The mask that you put on for everyone else and having the courage to go to that other person, take that mask off and go, look, this is how I actually am. And them knowing that they're going to accept you or perhaps move on, but let's just go with accepting, because I have found very few people that aren't. That is the truth. A few people were, but I kind of knew that's how they were. But most people are like, they're just relieved.

It's like they got their hands gripped so tight on the wheel of what they're supposed to look like, and you kind of go, you know what? I'm letting go. This is how I actually am. We'll just go with it. They can go, oh, wow, I can actually be myself with you.

I don't have to be Instagram or I don't have to be whatever facade I've been placing to the whole world. That is amazing when you have those people. Those people are worth their weight in gold. We were talking before, but I was at a hay house event last month, and it was so much fun. You know, when I go to these things, I am like, one of maybe five guys there.

Yeah. For those of you who don't know, hay house is a large publisher, and they publish a lot of self improvement books, books on spirituality, and they put on a conference every year, and it's a great conference. So Andrew went, I couldn't go this year because it was the twins birthday, but go on. Just in case people didn't know what. Hay house was, you were missed.

And so what they do is they have these breakout sessions, like, in each author will, like, do these kind of. Kind of workshops. Sometimes, like, there's mediums doing their thing. Other times, like, there's big talks about, like, you know, health topics, business. They do really vary, which is really nice.

And so I went to this one that I really, really, really liked, and, you know, this guy sat, like half a row across from me. There was nobody in between. And I go, that's cool, whatever. And he's like this big, kind of strong guy, kind of looked like an army guy. We got to like, okay, we're going to do a vulnerability exercise with the person next to you.

And I just kind of close my eyes, and I'm like, maybe he left.

Oh, no. And so I kind of do that kind of side glance and, like, kind of turn, and he does the same thing, and we kind of just give each other the nod. And, like, if you're not running, I'm not running. We're going to. We're going to do this.

We're doing this. Anyway, the exercise, it was a three minute exercise. It was. You basically sat there and just asked the other person. Like, you would say, Andrew, what do you need?

And you just answered, whatever came up. We did that. And you're looking, and then you thank them for what they would say. So I would say, Catherine, what do you need? I need a break.

Thank you. And what do you need? And you just kept doing that for three minutes. And three minutes is a very long time when you are staring a stranger in the eyes, unfolding your things, and it's like. Cause, you know, at the end of it, he's like, can I give you a hug?

I'm like, yeah, absolutely. And within three minutes of being completely vulnerable with a stranger, and I will say, like, that's not the normal thing. I find usually, like, that little bit of vulnerability instantly connects you with the right people. Yeah, for sure. But by the end of it, it's like, that dude.

If he called me up right now and said, hey, can I stay over? I'd be like, yeah, that's cool. I feel like I know him better than I have known people I've been friends with for 20 years. That's saying something big. I feel like, what was nice about that experience?

I think you told me that at the end of that, he thanked you for taking the exercise seriously so that you could both grow. And I loved that. Yeah. And he thanked me for being present, too. And that's something else.

With vulnerability is like, when you're truly present with someone, not wondering when the person's going to be, because you can be in the room with someone, but that's not being present. Being present is like literally paying attention to every word, not waiting for your turn to talk or what you're going to say next. It's just listening and being there for that person and then naturally coming up with whatever you are going to share or communicate or help with, whatever the case is. That's why I love being authentic and vulnerable with people, because there's a presence there that you just do not get in a lot of other places. And if I want people to be that way with me.

I know I have to be that way with people first. And it really is a benefit. Exactly. You know, if somebody is coming to you, like to take it the other way, you know, we're talking about how important it is to share how you feel with other people. But if someone comes to you and they trust you enough to share something that they're going through, it's a beautiful thing to view that as a gift from that person.

And when someone does that, they are reaching out for connection, and they are taking the courageous stuff. And so in order to be the friend that we want to have, it's great to, again, put the phones down, set things aside, not try to say, like, oh, yeah, that's happened to me, too, or, yeah, well, oh, like, you know, my friend did this worst thing, or my husband does this worst thing, or whatever it is. They just listen to what they have to say, ask if they want sympathy or solutions, which is sort of our big thing that we like to do. We have a podcast episode on that. Give your time.

Giving your time to somebody these days is like such a big act of love, given how busy the world is. But, you know, everybody's seeking more connection. Everyone, like, laments the fact that everyone's always on their phones and things like that. So you can be the initiator of these types of vulnerable moments, or you can be the person is there for someone else who needs to be vulnerable to you. Absolutely.

I think you nailed it on the head with, like, being on your phones and stuff like that. We're more connected than ever, but we feel more disconnected because it's not authentic. And being vulnerable is being authentic. It's cool to see who's down with who you actually are rather than who you might be pretending to be. Yeah.

One of the things that has really been complement to our dynamic, our working relationship with everything, is that we are vulnerable. I mean, like, we know exactly where the other person is, and part of that is just from being vulnerable earlier on. But now it's like we get that stuff out of the way because we understand that the person needs to let it out and that they're going to be better for letting it out, and that's going to form a tighter bond. So I think that is something from somebody who's, like, actively trying to do this. It really does strengthen your communication with people.

Thank you. And I do love that we are vulnerable with each other. And I will say you are excellent at holding space and just allowing me to feel however I feel and then always give good advice or, you know, just hang out until the tears over and we just move on to the next thing. But I will say, I know that it's going to be a fear of people because I think all of us as people, and this is probably goes back, you know, in our human evolution that we fear rejection. Right.

Because if you're rejected in primal days from your community, like, you'll die. And so this is a built in part of our DNA to fear rejection. And so I do think there's going to be people who are worried about being vulnerable. They don't want to be rejected or seen as, like, they don't have it together or seen as like, oh, they're crazy, or whatever it is. So I do want to share with people that you and I have been, quote unquote, rejected by other people before.

We've had, you know, business relations with a lot of different people. And we talked to a lot of people during the week for work purposes. And we have had a lot of, like, we've had surface level relationships with people that we've taken deeper, that have gone amazingly and led to amazing friendships. And we've had surface level relationships where we opened up about different things, totally freaked the person out and then they stopped talking to us. Yeah, I remember that well.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is that we're not coming to you as, like, be vulnerable and then all of your relationships will be amazing. We're coming to you saying, some people will stay, some people will go. Being authentic is worth it. Yeah, because you know what you're telling yourself when you are doing that, you're saying to your. You're communicating to yourself, look, I am worth being my best version of myself.

And I, the best version of myself is willing to connect with people below the surface. On a deeper level, I want to connect with people. And if you don't, that's cool. But you probably haven't made it this far into the episode, so. But, yeah, the rejection thing is big.

I was talking with someone about that. I can't remember if it was one of my energy sessions or what it was. But for the record, when I do my energy healing, most people, when they start out, they're very, very nervous to share things. So I openly share my stuff because I think there's, I've heard before where when you do this kind of work, people want to think of you as perfect. And I just strongly disagree with it.

Like, they think because you do energy healing or you have this is that you have it all figured out, and it's like, nobody does. So I just find that that's another way of being vulnerable, but I find that also helps people connect more. Yeah. For anyone who doesn't know, Andrew is a certified energy healer. He's taken numerous different levels of courses to learn how to help people and heal their energies.

So for those people who didn't know that or haven't listened to previous episodes, what he's talking about is when people come to him looking for help with their problems or any issues they may be having, that he shares a little bit about himself first and shows his own little dents in the can first. And that helps other people to open up, which allows him to help them better, because that's just how it works. When you can do that, you really do. You connect with people in a way that it feels right, I guess, is the way to say it. And I'm just talking in general about being vulnerable.

And I want to say one more example of vulnerability that was not modeled to me. But something that I do is I am vulnerable with my kids. And by that, I don't mean that. Oh, I tell them every little thing I'm worried about. There's obviously some that are not for children to know.

But I remember, like, and I maybe have experienced this, too. Like, does anyone remember when they realized that their own parents were, like, actual humans? You know, because you view your parents as, like, infallible, you know, like, they're. You grow up, you listen to your parents. They're who you look for for right and wrong, and then you become an adult yourself, and then you realize that everybody's got issues.

Or I, you know, might have learned that my parents were dealing with some problem in their business when I was this age, and whatever, whatever. And you're like, really? I had no idea. Yeah. So I let my kids see me cry.

I ask my kids, is there anything I can do better? Like, what's one thing you think mommy does really well? And what's one thing I think mommy could do better? That's hard. I get really interesting answers when I hear that.

The last time I asked my daughter that, she said, I can never find a face towel when I want one. I'm like, well, that's my laundry fail just staring me in the face right there. And so I'm like, but, you know, it was like, the simplest thing. You know? She was just like, I just want to wash my face.

I can never find a face towel. I'm like, okay, well, first of all, I need your help because you're ten and whatever. But then I ordered, like, a new stack of, like, ten white face towels, and I gave it to her the next day. She was so happy. But all because I asked, what can I do better?

I'm going to them vulnerable, saying, I know I'm not perfect. I know. I don't get it. Right? I also know I suck at laundry, so, like, how can you help mommy, like, get better?

There's the snort of episode. I suck at laundry. I do, you know, but that's me being vulnerable. I'm not acting like I have it all together, you know, just practicing what I preach. Yeah, just walking the walk.

First of all, I'm in my forties. They're still mommy and daddy, and I don't know their first names, so they are still perfect. No, I'm just kidding. It's kind of like how when you first see, like, a teacher that, you know, outside of school, and you're weighted, you're like, wait, you don't sleep in the school when I leave? You don't live at school?

Yeah, those little kidded revelations are great. But I think it's good because when you share a mistake with your kids, it shows them that it's okay for them to make mistakes. Like, recently, like, I think I sent out two emails in the wrong day, or I had a typo, and so I love to make mistakes so that I can bring it home to them. Like, oh, guess what mommy did today. She spelled this word completely wrong, and it looked so stupid, and it got sent out to 12,000 people today, and they were like, you did?

I'm like, I did. It was so embarrassing, because if you don't, like, show them that you make mistakes, too, then they think they have to be perfect all the time, or they think it's not okay for them to make a mistake, and they always try to live up to how you are. So every time we screw up, which is daily, I like to make mention of it to them. I like that. I have also gotten in the habit of apologizing to my kids when I mess up and just owning my humanity and.

Or my humanness. And, like, I mess up, I. You know, I'll show up, and they're like, did you bring this? Like, nope. Dad ate that cookie.

I'm really sorry. It was really good, though.

In what world did you think it was gonna be safe at his house? I think when it comes to being vulnerable, somebody out here needs to hear this. Being vulnerable is not the same as complaining. I think that's kind of a difference. Right.

Because, you know. Yeah, I think the ain't it awful club is big enough and I think the vulnerability club is like sorely lacking in members. So you can join that one for free. But I do think, like, just know that it's not about complaining about your situation or something, it's how you're feeling about something. And would you add anything else to that?

Or would you say that's kind of a good distinction? It's a great distinction. I'm glad you brought it up. When people complain, they're usually not looking for a solution. They're just trying to whine or they're just talking about something.

They're not looking for anything except they're complaining. When someone is vulnerable, they are looking for connection. Yes, that's exactly it. That's a great way to put it. So you're listening at home right now and you're probably wondering, what do I do?

Action steps for today's episode. Crack open the vulnerability door just a little bit. If you're really, really afraid, if you feel like you can share openly and you've just, you've been wanting to kind of create a better connection with someone, go all in, but give yourself permission to be vulnerable. Even if that's just looking in the mirror. If you can't bring yourself to say it to anybody else, say it out loud to yourself in the mirror.

Just look at yourself and say, I'm struggling with this or I could use some help with this or whatever it is. It might feel weird and it's going to be uncomfortable the first time, but name me something you did the first time that wasn't uncomfortable. I mean, everything is. It's going to be weird. Just accept that that's the feeling and go do it.

You're going to find that the more you do it, the better connections you have and the more valued you are as a. I don't know about anybody else, but that's what I am looking for. I'm looking for valued people in my life and I'm looking to be a valued person in theirs. I love that. I think that's a beautiful place to end.

And those are great action steps. And so at the very end of every episode we do something called glimmers, which are the shiny, happy, sparkly things that have made us smile lately and we like to share it just for kicks. So, Andrew, have you had any glimmers lately? Yeah, you know, this past month was really, really. It's been an amazing couple months, for sure.

But this month, I took my son to Atlanta with my mom, and I went to my first major league baseball game. And it was really, really fun. Like, I'm not a baseball fan by any means, but it was really, really cool to get to experience that first game with my son. Did you eat a hot dog? No.

Because, you know, meat and I aren't processed. Foods aren't really. We're not pals these days, which is, again, something from the last couple of months. It was just such a neat experience, and I know that he's going to carry that forward for the rest of his life. I know I will for mine.

And it's nice to have those experiences. How about you, Cat? What's your glimmer? I mean, my glimmer is something that, like, just happened last night when I woke up this morning. I guess it's kind of.

It's kind of sad because I did have to say goodbye to my dog, Julep. I had Julep for 15 years, and she was my first child, and I was very, very attached to that dog. And so that part is very, very sad that we had to put her down due to old age and illness. But last night, I had a dream about her. She visited me in the dream, and she crawled up next to me in my bed and curled, and it was just super, super vivid.

And I was petting her in my dream, and, like, it was so cool and interesting. And I woke up just with this amazing feeling, like I had hung out with her again in the night. And I don't know if this is depressing or sad or glimmering, but, like, it was a glimmer to me because, you know, so often when the people and the furry humans we love pass, we don't, you know, we don't often, we don't get to choose when we have a dream and get to see them again. So I got to hang out with Miss Julep last night, and it was awesome. That is so cool.

What a wonderful experience to get to have. Yeah, I'm happy, very happy that you got to experience that. Thanks. Well, everyone, thank you very much for listening. And get vulnerable.

Have a good one, everyone. Well, thank you for listening. Remember, it doesn't matter where you've started from or where you're coming from. It matters where you're going. And we are rooting for.