Ghosting is the hot topic today, and trust me, we’re diving deep into this modern-day conundrum that leaves so many of us scratching our heads! Nkechi and Gaby, join voices to discuss the ins and outs of ghosting—what it is, why it happens, and how it can mess with our heads. Gaby shares her personal experience that sparked this conversation, revealing how the guilt of potentially ghosting someone herself made her reflect on the impact of silent treatment in relationships. They chat about how ghosting isn’t just a romantic thing but can happen in friendships and even work situations, leaving folks feeling confused and hurt. Our hope is that this discussion will empower you to communicate better in your own relationships!

Takeaways:

• This episode dives deep into the concept of ghosting, a phenomenon that leaves many feeling confused and hurt, as we explore why it happens and how it affects relationships.
• Nkechi and Gaby share their personal experiences with ghosting, sparking a relatable discussion about the emotions tied to being left without closure or explanation.
• We emphasize the importance of honest communication in relationships; avoiding difficult conversations can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of abandonment.
• The hosts encourage listeners to check their own behaviors, asking if they might have ghosted someone, and how acknowledging this can lead to healthier connections.
• Understanding ghosting is not just about romantic relationships; it can occur in friendships and professional settings, making it a universal topic we can all relate to.
• Listeners are reminded that while ghosting may seem easier, addressing issues directly fosters connection and respect, ultimately protecting our peace.

Have an empowering story to share on an Empowering Bytes episode? Submit your request, for a chance to be a guest.

Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson

Great day, amazing human.

Yes.

Welcome to Empowered at My Skin podcast, where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways.

Empowered humans.

Empower humans.

So you are in the right place to become a lead domino for empowerment today.

My name is Nkechi Mwaho Robinson.

I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant optimist obsessed to bring you empowering content with every single episode.

We will bring you weekly content, alternating between longer episodes with featured guests and a shorter episode called Empowering Bites, where I will be joined by my co host, Gabby Memone.

So if you're ready, let the show begin.

Great day, amazing humans.

Yes.

And welcome back to the Empowered of My Skin podcast.

It is an empowering bites, and I'm here with my girl, Gabby 1B Mamona, who gives me life, who gives me joy, who gives me kindness, who is so beautiful and amazing and fabulous and fantastic, and we've been doing this for three years, girl.

Three years?

Yes.

Has it been three years, girl?

I don't know.

I just added.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, no longer than that.

Yeah.

Because pandemic was like.

I just.

I just actually erased the pandemic.

We did.

Yes, we did.

I remember that.

Yes.

Years.

Years, man.

Yeah.

Long time.

We've been through a lot.

Holy.

But time.

Holy time.

So Gabby and I often start like, oh, gosh, I know that there's.

Hold on, let me just mute this.

Yeah.

Gabby and I often, when we get together to record, we think like, we're like, what, what, what?

What inspiring topic do we want to talk about today?

So we actually have a couple in the coffers.

I think it's coffers or Q.

But then Gabby's like, there's one I really want to talk about.

And as soon as she said, I was like, oh, girl.

And the topic is ghosting.

And so I'm interested because I actually don't know.

Look at how excited I am to talk about the topic.

Have absolutely no idea.

She might be going through some really major pain of being ghosted.

I'm like, yes, let's talk about ghosting.

And so, Gabby, I give you space right now to.

To share why.

Why are we doing this topic.

Thank you.

I appreciate that you're allowing us to kind of go off the agenda of maybe what we were originally going to record, because when we jumped on, I was facing an immense amount of guilt.

So before I share why, I wanted to share this, because I know that this topic of ghosting is close to home for many, many people.

And we.

We've heard the word ghosting or I've been ghosted, and you know, do you ghost?

But then you really look at it.

Sometimes people just disappear without explanation.

And then you wonder why.

Why are they.

Why are.

Did they leave me hanging and wonder what just happened?

And why did they just all of a sudden stop being responsive?

And all of a sudden today, when I was looking at my to do list, there's one task on there that has been carried over from day to day to day, and it involves someone waiting for something from me.

And then all of a sudden I had this revelation is like, am I ghosting that person?

Am I the one that's ghosting?

And I just felt this immense amount of guilt.

And it's not that I don't want to respond to them.

It's the fact that some other things have just taken priority.

And so I've left this.

But it's not fair to that person that they haven't heard from me.

So I thought to myself, you know what?

I need to make time.

I need to make.

To complete this task and send it to that person.

And I was feeling embarrassed.

So I thought, you know what?

Let's talk about ghosting.

Have you done it?

Have anyone has ever done it to you?

Let's talk about this, this act of silence in ghosting.

I want to know your.

Your take on all of this.

Well, the first time I would, if I can offer up permission to offer up something.

Yeah, Yeah.

I would say, like, shame.

The shame.

Right?

Like, I. I think that when you acknowledge something and you recognize that.

That you have a part to play in.

In.

In what?

Like in the.

In the reality of what it is.

It almost goes back to our episode on intelligent thinking.

Yeah, I was like, don't be embarrassed.

I think.

I think all you do is you be honest and truthful.

Right?

Like, just respond back and say, hey, I asked for grace.

I recognized today that I have not responded to you.

So today is just acknowledging that I owe you response and if you can maybe give a date of commitment.

Anyway, I. I know, I digress.

But interestingly enough, I would not have termed that.

Because I'm hearing it from your vantage point.

Sure.

I would not have termed that ghosting.

Like, I do term that as procrastination or like there's things on your to do list that you haven't just gone to.

However, if I am the person, it's gonna feel like ghosting if you're doing a favor.

There's something that they've asked you for that they need.

There could be something that you got them excited about.

And then all of a sudden birds start chirping, right?

Like it's got, there's got to be a expectation on their end to be receiving something.

And usually I'm going to say within a committed time.

I have no idea.

I think we should actually maybe chat DPT and figure out what the, what the definition of ghosting is.

But tasks to me was when I would feel go like ghosting to me is like you're having.

All of, you're having all these interactions, all these interactions, all these interactions.

There's promises and promises and promises made.

And then all of a sudden maybe like I have a recent example where I paid a merchant quite a hefty amount of money for an item and they were, they were very responsive up until the point when they received a payment.

Ah, of course, yeah.

And then it just came to the point where I just recognized, yo, nobody's sending me a damn, they're not even sending me an envelope what I paid for.

You know what I mean?

And so, yeah, that would be ghosting to me.

You know, it's also sneaky and all this.

Any other.

So that would be ghosting.

Like I, I ghost people.

And I, like, now that I'm like, as you are providing your explanation, I would say that I ghost people.

And, and I'm sorry I've been talking for a really long time, but I just want to make one more point before I hand it off back up to you.

But I have, I have a lot of experiences, especially at work where I'm just inundated with like, like I have email, I have teams, I have meeting, I have my calendar, I have text messages and I start a mess, a conversation somewhere.

I get distracted by a phone call or I, I get into an email or get into a meeting.

And then days pass and I'm like, yo, I never went back.

I never finished that conversation.

So a lot of times I, again, back to what I was suggesting for you is I, I just acknowledge, I say, hey, I just, I want to acknowledge in my part.

And I wasn't ghosting, like, I actually wasn't ghosting you or I laugh.

I said, look, I ghosted you, like literally, like truly ghosted you on that last sentence and walked away for days.

So I do acknowledge when I, when I'm really aware that I've done it.

Yeah, I appreciate that you say that.

And, and you're right.

It's, it's acknowledging it and asking for the grace and being honest about it.

It's interesting because when sometimes I feel I've been ghosted, I think, wow, they're, you know, it's easy to label or judge.

It's like, oh, they're immature or they can't get it done or da, da, da, da.

But meanwhile, I had to really get real with myself this morning.

And it's like, oh my gosh, I hope she doesn't think that I'm procrastinating or I'm avoiding her.

It's nothing to do with her at all.

I'm inundated with a few things and this one wasn't at the top of my priority list, but it probably is hers.

I'm going to give you some more context.

And that is, it's someone who has created a video that she wants to put on social media.

She has asked me for one of my clips to put in her video so she can post it and make me a collaborator.

Yes, no problem.

I think it's great.

It's not as urgent for me, but for her it is because it's her business.

And I felt bad.

I felt bad today because I haven't gone through my Google Drive and found that one video, which probably shouldn't take that long, but I haven't.

It just wasn't a priority for me.

But, you know, after waking up today and thinking this is unacceptable, that this task has gone from day to day to day and I haven't followed up with her, that's not fair to her.

That's not fair.

I agree.

So I have a question for you.

What's the date?

The date of when I'm supposed to give it to her by?

I never said it.

She never said.

She's like, can you send me the video?

I said, yes, I'll send you the video.

And there was never.

So why could it.

Maybe because I'm in the corporate space and I.

So I always say to people, what is the most exciting thing about a football game?

The scoring.

Like when your team wins?

No, it's the clock.

Okay, Right.

If there's no clock, then the game just will go on forever and ever.

People just keep scoring in this.

Okay.

So I always say that in the sense that like, you know, put something on it.

Like, so put a data deliverable, like just.

Especially when you have competing priorities.

Like, like when people ask you for something.

Like the other day someone came and, and did put something on my, on my plate that really, truly, like, I I didn't have even in my vortex to do.

And I.

And I asked them, when do you need to buy?

And they said that they actually needed it by Tuesday.

And I know in.

In terms of, like, my schedule, like, I just.

I didn't.

I ended up getting it.

I actually ended up doing it the next day just to get it off my plate and get it.

And get it into.

Get it back to them just in case again and needed some revisions.

But I always say that unless something has a date, then it's up in the air.

Sure.

You're absolutely right.

Yeah.

So I would say in this particular case, I don't necessarily consider that ghosting.

I would probably just quickly respond back to her and say, hey, I know that I have an outstanding task.

Can you just confirm when you need the video by.

Oh, I'm sure she wanted it two weeks ago.

But I'm saying, like, I know that I haven't delivered it, and you probably.

But can you give me a deadline as to when I can get it to you?

Because I just.

I recognize.

I just remember today, and I have.

And I have a number of things on my plate, so I want to just make sure I schedule and get it to you.

Right.

Like, I would eat.

Like, that's probably.

So I. I did look up the definition of ghosting, and this should hold.

Okay, I did as well.

I have it ready on my phone.

It says ghosting is avoidance, and I don't think that's what you did.

And instead of communicating directly, which I do believe there was some communication that's needed in terms of a date, the person chooses to vanish.

So rather than saying, I need space or I'm not interested anymore or anything, they just vanish, leaving the other person confused, hurt, or questioning what went wrong.

So that's kind of what I found.

What did you find?

I appreciate, first of all, that you allow me to be vulnerable.

So thank you for that.

Without judgment.

So thank you very much for that.

So here it says ghosting is the act of abruptly and completely cutting off all communication with someone without explanation, often in the context of romantic relationships, friendships, or even personal.

Personal settings.

This sudden disappearance leaves the other person confused and without closure, with no response of text, calls or other attempts to connect.

Yeah, that's not what you did.

But I haven't responded to her.

Pardon?

But it's not what you did.

It kind of is because I haven't responded to her.

No, you just haven't clarified.

I haven't completed the task.

But she asked.

Yes, I'm just Embarrassed.

So.

Okay, so maybe it's not officially ghosting.

I thought that that was ghosting.

So it's good that we've cleared.

Yeah, I don't think that's close because I don't think you're like, I don't think in your heart she might think you've ghosted her.

Sure.

Yeah.

But I'm saying, like, you don't have to, like, you, like, it's not like you need, you need a time and you needed to make sure that you needed a date.

Like, I'm just gonna say this.

Okay.

So I would just respond back to her and ask her, hey, I know I've missed this task.

Yeah.

Can you give me, like, what's the drop dead date that I can get this to you?

And she might say, I need it today.

And then.

Yes, then you have the opportunity to be realistic and say, okay, give me 24 hours.

Like, yeah, you know what, that's great advice.

Again, thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable in a very safe space, non judgmental safe space with the entire world.

So thank you for anyone that feels they've ghosted the goal.

We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or have them feel worthless.

And, and if, yeah.

If you've ghosted someone, this hopefully will allow you to reach out to them.

If you feel that you have.

If someone's ghosting you, release it.

Right.

There's nothing you can do if they made that.

Unless you need your money back from a credit card company or something like that.

But that's different.

And I don't know if we've done really great justice on the topic because I didn't know why you.

I didn't know why you had thought that, that you'd wanted to do this.

So I, I just want to.

I just want to encourage everybody.

I think that the key word in the definition I read was avoidance.

Yes.

Okay.

And I think it's.

I think that's a heart.

That's a hard thing.

That's why I, I was saying, like, it's never about you.

Like, you were not like, in listening to.

You're not avoiding her.

Yeah.

I would say there was clarity needed in terms of deliverable.

But I think if, you know, you're intentionally avoiding somebody, you have to check your heart.

Check your heart.

Yeah, you're right.

And then do the right thing, which is acknowledge it and just respond back to them honestly, like, I don't have the capacity or the space of the time to like, to do what I've asked that I committed to do or to have a relationship with you or whatever.

Like just own it.

You will feel better.

Because I do believe ghosting attracts ghosting.

Yeah, you know what?

You're absolutely right.

And if this is a very good point.

If you have.

If you are feeling ghosted and look at what's on your desk and see if you've ghosted someone, clean that up.

Because then the universe will conspire.

They'll give you what you create.

So if you clean something up, then maybe it'll be cleaned up for you.

So here's the takeaway for me and for anyone listening.

Challenge yourself to have honest communication, even when it's uncomfortable.

Silence might feel easier, but the truth feels faster.

Yeah.

And so really, let's protect our peace.

If someone disappears.

Don't disappear from yourself.

Just.

Just deal with it.

And we might need a part two on this topic because I just thought about something.

You can actually still you can ghost a topic with someone that you're still communicating with.

Anyway, that's not for today.

We are going to say I'm Ink.

And I'm Gabby with one B and we're out.

Bye Bye.

There you have it.

I trust that you are feeling more empowered in your skin.

As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give.

When you learn, you teach.

So it would mean so much for us at Empower to My Skin Inc.

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