There's a very unsexy part of behavior change that I know we all know matters, but I really don't think we give it nearly enough credit. We love the new plan or the fresh start or the new beautiful workout clothes, but the thing that actually turns a behavior into a pattern, it is a whole lot less exciting.
I have three alarms set for Pilates. Three. And they are all two minutes apart. So basically every two minutes my phone becomes an increasingly annoying mother standing in my room. And it just screams at me like Amy, get up. And then two minutes later, Amy, seriously, get up. And then, yep, one more time, Amy, get out of bed, young lady.
For a long time, 6 a.m. Pilates, it was just a part of my life. I went. I didn't have to make some giant decision about it every morning. I didn't have to motivate myself or have a conversation with myself about whether I felt like going or not. It's just what I did. And then I got a little hurt and I got out of my routine and I started staying up late. And then little by little, something that had been completely habitual for me, it just wasn't anymore.
so I had to build it back. And yeah, there was some muscle memory there. Ha, no pun intended. I knew how to do Pilates. That wasn't the problem.
I had to rebuild the habit of being someone who gets up early, like really early, and go to Pilates. And that's a really important distinction because because sometimes we've done something before and we think that it means it should be super easy to start doing it again. I used to work out all the time, or I used to I used to have a decent bedtime or cook dinner at home every night, or I used to be good at staying in touch with my friends, or I used to read a lot, or whatever the thing is.
And when it doesn't immediately fall back into place, we're confused. Or worse, we start criticizing ourselves. Why can't I just do this?
knowing how to do something, it's different from having it built into the rhythm of your life. When I was trying to get back into my Pilates routine,
I had to be really deliberate about it. I went at the same time, I set my ridiculous three alarms, I got my stuff ready the night before. Then I kept doing the same basic sequence over and over and over and over and over again, which is really not very exciting.
There's a very
unsexy part of behavior change that I know we all know matters, but I really don't think we give it nearly enough credit. We love the new plan or the fresh start or the new beautiful workout clothes, but the thing that actually turns a behavior into a pattern, it is a whole lot less exciting.
It's consistency. You do it and then you do it again and then you do it again. And at first it takes a lot of thought.
You have to remember and you have to plan and you may have to talk yourself into it sometimes. You might, like me, have to literally set three alarms because it's not automatic yet. think about anything you do now without much thought.
Brushing your teeth or making coffee or putting on your seatbelt. I don't know, whatever your normal routine looks like. You probably don't wake up every morning and think, all right, I really need to find the motivation to brush my teeth today. No, it's just built in. But new behaviors aren't built in yet. They require more attention or more effort. They require more conscious decision making.
I think sometimes we interpret that effort as a problem. Like, why is this still taking so much work? When actually the fact that you're still having to think about it, it just might mean you're still in the part where you're building it. You're practicing the pattern. And also, if you want something to actually become the habit that you're after, you have to be able to mess up sometimes without immediately turning on yourself. I overslept one morning this week. I miss Pilates. And I didn't
beat the crap out of myself over it. I overslept. I missed Pilates and that was it. Consistency is crucial, but consistency is not the same thing as never missing. You can be consistent and occasionally miss.
You can be building a habit and have a weird week or stay up too late or get sick or go on vacation or have your kidney Jew or whatever comes at you in life. You can't create such a fragile routine that one missed day or one missed whatever destroys the whole thing.
Actually, that's probably a good test of whether you're building something sustainable. Can you miss one day and just come back? Come back without kicking yourself and come back without drama. No giant restart or waiting until Monday. You just you just come back. You know how I knew I was really back in it, back in my whole Pilates routine, like the locked and loaded, back in the game
routine? I missed a class. And I was bummed. Not bummed at myself. Not like, my God, I suck. No, there was no shame involved. I was just bummed because I actually missed it and I wanted to be there. And I got the feeling like, ugh, I missed something. Something didn't feel right in my day.
That's where I knew this is part of my life again. I am getting back into my stride. the thing that had required so much conscious effort to put back into my life was starting to feel like part of my life again.
I wasn't just making myself go. I was becoming someone who just goes. I just was going again. And I think that's what we're looking for when we're trying to change something. Not perfection. Never perfection.
Not some day when you wake up incredibly motivated and never struggle again. you're just trying to repeat a behavior enough that it starts requiring a little less thought, a little less negotiation and a little less effort
until eventually it starts to feel normal or becomes the habit that you're wanting it to be. and this applies to so much more than exercise. maybe you're trying to stop scrolling at night or eat breakfast every morning. Or maybe you want to go outside every day
maybe you want to call people instead of realizing three months have gone by and you've talked to like nobody. Or maybe you're trying to respond differently when you're upset. Or you're learning to pause before you say yes to something you didn't actually want to. These all are very personal to me. But you must have your own list on something that you want to set in as a pattern. All of those are patterns. And at first, the new response is probably going to feel awkward.
You're going to have to remember it. You're going to have to catch yourself and you're going to have to do it on purpose because it's not a built-in pattern yet. It hasn't become habitual. All of that conscious effort, that is how it becomes a pattern. So now what? Okay. Now what? If you are trying to build a habit or change a pattern or just be a little more conscious about how you're moving through your day, consistency matters. You got to do the thing and you got to do it again.
And you gotta do it again and again. But but but when you miss, because you will, cut yourself some slack. Actually, you know what? Cut yourself some slack in general. Always let that be the rule.
Be consistent without expecting yourself to be perfect. And when you get off track, don't turn it into some giant story about what it says about you.
Okay, you got this, stay curious and I will be back next week.
