Have you ever had the moment where you're absolutely certain that you nailed communication only to then walk into work the next day and realize nobody got the message? Or maybe you've been in the meeting where everyone's nodding along but later it seems like we were all having a very different conversation. If you are leading a team, whether it is two people or 200 people, you have probably felt that frustration. That moment where you think, I literally just explained this.
Well, today's episode is for every leader who has ever wondered why their crystal clear instructions turned into complete chaos. If you haven't experienced that yet, well, stick around because trust me, it's coming. When it does, you're going to want these tools in your leadership toolkit to help support you through it.
Welcome to Legacy Lounge, the podcast where you'll discover how to lead with purpose and build a legacy that matters. If you're ready to step into your full potential, show up authentically for yourself and others, and create a lasting impact on the world, you're in the right place. Let's begin.
Today, we're talking about something that hit me right in the gut as a leader. Honestly, it still makes me both laugh and cringe at the same time every single time I think about it. You know that feeling when you're absolutely very certain that you gave clear instructions and then, well, not so much.
Stick with me because this story opened up my eyes to how I communicate as a leader and how I allow others to be heard that I am leading. Before I dive in, let's talk about something that we often forget as leaders. While we cannot control everything around us, and trust me, I am one who has tried, there is one thing that we do have 100% control over, and that is our attitude.
Think about it. Every time you walk into a room, every time you hop on a Zoom call, every time you're about to have a tough conversation, you have a choice. What attitude are you choosing to bring into the conversation? Are you showing up with enthusiasm? With courage? With empathy? Now, let me take you back to my target days.
Picture this. I'm running 10 different target stores, varying in volume, feeling pretty confident about my own leadership style. We have these weekly team calls, right, like every team does, and I am giving what I think is crystal clear directions.
Then the wake-up call happens. So there I am, visiting my stores in person, store visit after store visit, and I am getting so frustrated. The first store, totally off track.
Second store, totally missed the mark. Third store, nowhere near what I had asked for on the team call that everyone was on and heard at the same time. By the seventh of 10 stores, I am practically just coming out of my skin, pulling my hair out, thinking, why is nobody listening? Why is no one listening to me? And then, then comes a moment that I will never forget.
One of the leaders who was one of my direct reports said something that physically stopped both of us in our tracks, and all he said was this, boss, if seven out of 10 stores of your direct reports missed the mark, are seven people really that confused? Or could it be the direction was clear to you, but not to those who needed to then go execute the direction that you're giving? I literally stood there just like this, jaw dropped, like yours might be, for probably a good 30 seconds. You know that feeling when the truth just gets you right between the eyes? Yeah, that was, that was me. But then in the moment, I chose the attitude that I wanted to have.
And I chose, I wanted an attitude of, okay, this is good news that you feel comfortable giving me this feedback. This is good news. I learned a new way of thinking and observing myself.
And now what matters most is what I do with what I just learned, the turnaround. So instead of letting my ego take over, I did something that definitely surprised my team. And I still think kind of surprises me when thinking about it.
But I don't regret it. I called an immediate meeting with my direct reports, which I hate the fire drill culture. I love to be planful and organized and my team respects that aspect of me.
And so dropping something last minute with no context on everybody's calendars was like, oh my gosh, what's happening? Something big, right? So I call a district meeting. And because I never did this, everybody thought something terrible probably happened. But I started the call by saying, hi, everyone.
Thanks to your courageous peer over here. I think I owe most of you an apology. And you could hear a pin drop on the call.
You could also see their reactions like, what did we just miss? And what happened was an incredible moment of transformation for my team. Instead of just re-giving instructions, we completely changed the approach, which would stay with our team and the direction of my district for future years to come, which positioned us in a very different caliber of executing and delivering than I had even known was possible prior to this moment. So on the call, we broke down the end goal together.
As a high-level leader, as a senior director, my job is to ensure that the team understands the direction and the vision of where we're going and that they know their next step and that they know I am there to support them in removing the roadblocks along the way. So I asked for a redo and we broke down the end goal together and I went person by person having each leader share where they saw their own potential roadblock in their specific store based off the current state of their business, their operations, their team. And you know what's amazing? The team actually started supporting each other because we did this as a group, as a unit, as one team.
Someone would mention a challenge and another store's leader would jump in with, hey, we dealt with this last month. Call me after this. Here's what worked for us.
We'll talk through it. I am telling you right now, the impact that that one single call had changed so much for my team in the best of ways. Not just the execution in particular of this project, but of our entire team dynamic.
And here's what I continued to learn. Being heard is not the same thing as being understood. Think about it.
Every single person on your team filters what you say through their own experiences, their own challenges, their own context. And when I was giving those clear instructions, I was giving them through my lens, my experience, my context as a former store leader. This is what authentic leadership looks like in real time.
It is not about being perfect. It is about being real. When 70% of your team misses the mark, it's probably not them.
It's the message. And more importantly, it's okay to own that. Be accountable to that.
That makes you human. So here is what I want you to think about as we enter this next week. First, before every interaction, take a deep breath consciously.
One, two, three, inhale and exhale. Pause and consciously choose or identify your attitude in that moment. What energy stands out to you that you are bringing into the situation regardless of what happens next? Can you name it? If not, give yourself time to because you get to choose your attitude.
You get to choose how you show up and how you impact every single conversation you have every single day. Second, when you're giving direction, stop and ask yourself, am I being heard or am I being understood? Because that is a huge difference. And finally, if things aren't working, look in the mirror first.
Okay. Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs of a leader come from the biggest aha moments when you're simply face to face with yourself. And you know, what's really funny is that moment of being called out by one of my own direct report leaders.
That moment could have been super embarrassing, very demoralizing. It could have been defeating and allowed the imposter syndrome to come into play or, oh my gosh, you're right. This is like, how long have I been doing this to myself? What do all of you think this about me? So many distractions that take my time and my energy that just aren't worth it.
Yeah. It was embarrassing, but it was also powerful that he had the courage to point it out to me and to say it and to be supportive through how I went around making it a turnaround opportunity. And it turned out to be one of the proudest moments that still to this day, stick with my team.
Not because I got it right the first time. Clearly I did not, but it's because when I got it wrong, I was willing to personally call a timeout. I was willing to stop.
I was willing to listen and I was willing to change. And that changed the course of the dynamic of my team and what the culture of the team is about. Because here's the truth about leadership.
It is never about being the smartest person in the room. It is not about having all of the answers. It is about creating an environment where your team feels safe enough to tell you when you are missing the mark and where you're humble enough and mature enough to listen.
So here's my challenge to you this week in your next meeting, pay attention to the signals. Are people nodding but looking confused? Are they saying yes, but their body language is screaming, I have no idea what you want. Take it as a moment of self feedback.
Pause. Observe it. Even ask for feedback in the moment.
And most importantly, prepare and be ready to hear it. Whether you are a seasoned executive, a new manager, or someone aspiring to lead other people, here's the truth. Communication is not about what we say, it is about what others hear.
And sometimes that gap between those two things, it's where real leadership and real leadership lessons live. Remember, your attitude is your superpower. It's authentic to who you are.
And it's the one thing that you can always control. And sometimes the best attitude you can bring to a situation is humility. Until next time, this is Brin’na reminding you that your biggest leadership challenges often become your greatest leadership stories.
That's it for this episode of Legacy Lounge, a podcast dedicated to empowering you to lead with purpose. Remember, leadership begins with you. When you're connected to your values, strengths, and authentic self, you show up powerfully for your team, businesses, and everyone you lead.
To authentically lead others, you must first lead yourself. I challenge you to consider, how are you investing in your personal growth to create a legacy that you envision? Thank you for joining me in the Legacy Lounge. If this episode sparked any thoughts or inspired action, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm your host, Brin’na Rollins-Williams. Connect with me on LinkedIn or other socials and let's continue the conversation. Remember, your legacy is built one intentional step at a time.
