We need to talk about sex addiction — because culturally, this phrase gets thrown around a lot. And depending on who you ask, it’s either a legitimate disorder… or a moral panic wrapped in clinical language.

Either way, it is certainly true that some people need expert support to realign their sexual behavior with their values and intentions, and heal any wounds that may underlie sexual acting out. But is addiction the one best model for doing this work?

In this episode of But For Real, we’re diving into the messy, controversial world of sex addiction, porn use, and what clinicians actually mean when they talk about “out of control sexual behavior.”

Because here’s the truth: the phrase sex addict gets used everywhere — in couples fights, celebrity scandals, religious communities, and treatment centers. But clinically, the picture is way more nuanced.

We’re asking:

1. Is sex addiction actually recognized as a mental health disorder?
2. Why does the DSM not include it?
3. What’s the difference between a high libido, a porn habit, and something that’s truly out of control?
4. And how much of this conversation is shaped by moral judgment, religion, and cultural discomfort around sex?

Because here’s the thing:

Not every high libido is pathology. Not every porn habit is addiction. And not every relationship betrayal means someone has a disease.

But if your sexual behavior feels compulsive, secretive, or deeply distressing, that matters — and it deserves real support, not internet armchair diagnoses.

In this episode, we break down the history of the sex addiction model, why many sex therapists challenge it, and what a more nuanced understanding of sexual behavior actually looks like.

Plus, we explore the role of shame, porn culture, religion, attachment, and emotion regulation — because sometimes behavior isn’t the real issue. It’s the coping strategy underneath it.

From there, we unpack:

1. The origin of the sex addiction model and its roots in the 12-step world
2. Why “sex addiction” has never been officially recognized in the DSM
3. The difference between sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behavior
4. Why labeling someone a “sex addict” can sometimes pathologize normal sexuality
5. The cultural factors (religion, gender norms, and shame) shaping the conversation
6. How porn use actually fits into this discussion
7. The difference between sexual acting out vs. sexual offending
8. Signs sexual behavior might truly be compulsive or distressing
9. Why shame and secrecy often keep people stuck in the cycle
10. How sex therapy approaches this topic differently than addiction treatment

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Life hacks: hiccup cures & anxiety nausea tricks
2. 05:30 – Tea & Crumpets: internet rabbit holes and cultural commentary
3. 09:30 – Step Into My Office: porn, shame, and being labeled a “sex addict”
4. 14:00 – The DSM: is sex addiction a real diagnosis?
5. 17:00 – Val’s experience training as a sex addiction therapist
6. 20:00 – Why the DSM rejected hypersexual disorder
7. 22:00 – The shift toward out-of-control sexual behavior frameworks
8. 24:00 – Moral shame vs clinically significant distress
9. 30:00 – Porn, masculinity, and cultural narratives about sex
10. 36:00 – A healthier way to understand sexual behavior

Resources Mentioned:

1. The Myth of Sex Addiction by David Ley
2. Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior by Doug Braun-Harvey & Michael Vigorito

Connect with Us:

1. Submit a story for The Lore segment
2. Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment
3. Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com
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5. Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
6. The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
7. Val on IG: @valkaymartin
8. The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.