If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.

In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.

We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why emotions are energy in motion, not instructions
2. How emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity culture
3. Why the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying to
4. The difference between emotional intensity and mental illness
5. Why “never being activated again” is a scam
6. How DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real life

We also talk cicadas, kombucha shots, weaponized stoicism, BPD discourse on TikTok, why calm ≠ healed, and how regulation was never meant to make you quieter, easier, or more palatable.

This episode is nervous-system education without toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, or “rewire yourself once and for all” nonsense.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I still like this?” — this one’s for you.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Low brain power, re-recording chaos, and starting dysregulated
2. 02:00 – Real-life regulation: distraction vs. shifting state
3. 05:00 – Tea & Crumpets: unsettling movies, long-form content, and attention burnout
4. 09:30 – Step Into My Office: “If I still get dysregulated, is therapy working?”
5. 14:00 – Why “never being activated again” is a lie
6. 16:00 – What emotions actually are: energy in motion
7. 18:30 – Thoughts vs. emotions (aka: don’t believe every cicada thought)
8. 21:00 – How emotions get pathologized culturally
9. 23:00 – The DSM reality check (and why TikTok keeps misusing it)
10. 26:00 – BPD discourse, diagnostic criteria, and why labels are getting sloppy
11. 28:00 – What emotional regulation really means
12. 31:00 – Window of Tolerance myths & hot takes
13. 33:00 – DBT skills: urge surfing, TIPP, distress tolerance
14. 36:00 – Emotion naming & wise mind
15. 38:00 – Opposite action (what it is and what it is NOT)
16. 42:00 – Why skills work best outside of crisis
17. 43:30 – “But for real”: Regulation isn’t about being easier to deal with
18. 44:00 – Music picks & live reactions
19. 48:00 – Fire Dumpster Phoenix: restorative justice & peace monks
20. 53:00 – Final permission: you’re not failing, you’re responding

Connect with Us:

1. Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
2. But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
3. Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
4. The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
5. Val on IG: @valkaymartin
6. The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.