As a divorced mom, I raised three sons, and for my two youngest, I was doing it completely without their father. I remember the weight of that and the realization that I wasn't "daddy" and I couldn't be, because nature just wasn't designed that way.
But I learned a secret while struggling to come up with effective ways to get out of survival mode. Mothering solo doesn’t mean parenting alone. I began co-parenting with God, relying on Him to fill the gaps that felt too wide for me to bridge.
The strategy started with a hard truth we have to help our sons grasp: God is nothing like men. If an earthly father was absent or unloving, a boy’s view of "Father God" is often fractured. We have to reframe that character through our own leadership and by diving into the Word to show them a Father who never leaves.
But it doesn't stop with us. I remember when my youngest was 13 and terrified of the calling on his life. I prayed for a mentor, and God provided a youth pastor who was also a court attorney. He was a man of stability and integrity who stayed. Twenty years later, they are still friends. That mentorship didn’t just give my son a role model; it gave him a blueprint for manhood.
I’ve always prioritized conversation and community. People used to stop me on the train and ask, "Is that your son? You two talk like you’re friends." I took pride in that because I knew I had to be the sum of his influences.
Yet, as Jim Rohn famously said, “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” With that in mind, being mindful of the company your sons keep is crucial int keeping him focused on what’s important in life. I had to oversee his "circle of five," ensuring he was surrounded by godly peers.
Note: The only reason I created a Facebook account was to oversee my son’s action on social media. I was terrified that they would connect with unsafe people online. But I needn’t worry and I realized I didn’t need to keep on eye on them all the time.
I encourage you also, to add another layer to your leadership when daddy is absent. Encourage your son to read about biblical role models like David, who was far from perfect but was humble. He recognized when he messed up and embraced God to help him escape trouble. Also, Joseph, who modeled integrity despite the many difficulties her suffered.
Finally by building consistent spiritual habits—reading the Word and praying together—our sons can move from fearing their future to embracing their calling.
We don’t have to live continuously in survival mode. We can help our sons shake the legacy of absence and raise men who will stand strong for generations.
While the heart of our mission is spiritual, we must also use the right tools to ensure this message reaches every mother searching for a lifeline.
If the idea of God as your Father intrigue you, I encourage you to check out Day 12: God, Our Father in Courage to Believe 21 Day Christian Devotional for Single Moms. It’s available in French, German, English, and Spanish on the free Kindle app: https://amzn.to/440sjVi
If you have a question or just want to talk, please leave me a message at https://www.jrosemarie.com/contact or WhatsApp: 1 917-994-1329.
Something to ponder today: Think about the concept of “co-parenting with God”. What would life look like for you (how would your life change) if you adapted the framework outlined in this episode?
Co-Parenting with God to Break the Fatherless Legacy and Raise Sons of Integrity
Parenting solo is not for the faint of heart. But we don’t have to do it on our own. This episode is a framework for mothers raising sons as a single parent. It explains how to help your son shake off the legacy of the absentee father. Whether the father is absent through choice or tragedy, this episode is a guide to help you get the help you need to raise boys of integrity and strength.
Co-Parenting with God to Break the Fatherless Legacy and Raise Sons of Integrity
Parenting solo is not for the faint of heart. But we don’t have to do it on our own. This episode is a framework for mothers raising sons as a single parent. It explains how to help your son shake off the legacy of the absentee father. Whether the father is absent through choice or tragedy, this episode is a guide to help you get the help you need to raise boys of integrity and strength.
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Transcripts
Hello, solo mom, how are you doing today? You know, I raised 3 boys. The 2 youngest one completely without their father. And I write and I talk a lot about this, about how I co-parented with God. I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time, but I relied heavily on God to help me raise those 2 younger boys. And so today, I want to talk about how to help your son to build a relationship with God when that is absent. And this works, whether dad passed away or if he left, or he's totally not in the picture. And one thing we have to remember is that even though we are mothering solo, we don't have to mother alone. And we are not, we're not daddy. We can't be daddy. Life was, nature was not designed that way. So today, I want to talk about how we can empower our sons to build that relationship with God, while you co-parent with God. So the 1st thing I want to talk about is how to reframe God's character. A lot of times it's hard, it's difficult to differentiate between God the Father and an earthly Father, especially if the earthly Father wasn't a loving father or is he's unknown to your child. So, so the 1st thing we want to do is to Allow the child to get to know God as his father. And a lot of that will come through your example, but also you can start to help him build that relationship by helping to read scripture and understand God's character through his words. And also, you we, and also we need to pray with them. pray for them, pray with them. The 2nd way is to, the 2nd way you could do this is, And and it's an additional layer. It's not an and or is to integrate godly mentorship in this process. When my youngest son was about 13 years old, he was going through some stuff, some challenges, and part of it had to do with, he had a calling on his life, and but it scared him. And so I paired him up with a youth, a youth pastor at our church, and the 2 of them developed an amazing relationship. The, I gave the youth pastor free reign to discipline, if necessary, and also to, to build a friendship with him. Thankfully, the pastor E also had a son, the same age as my son. And to this day, 20 years later, my son is still friends with that pastor. And I could see the change, I could see the stability that was established because he had this godly man in his life. And I've listened to them argue, I've listened to them, you know, talk to each other, and I gave, I prayed about it. Actually, I prayed about it. I didn't just throw my son to the 1st person who came along. This was done with wisdom and burn. And this man was an attorney. He worked for the courts and So he was like the perfect person at the moment to deal with my son, to communicate with him. In the absence of his father. And so that allowed my son to, Understand that not all men left. Not all daddies disappeared. And so, I really do strongly advise solo mothers to Get a mentor for this son. Especially a godly mentor, someone who is rooted in God's word and in the scripture. Now you may tell me that, you know, you don't believe in God or any of that, but this is not about you. This is for the son you're raising to be a man that will take care of his family. And so we, we may have to put aside our own feelings about things and focus on raising that sun in the way it should grow. So he will not repeat his legacy. This legacy he was left with. The 3rd um, the 3rd part of this, helping your son to build a relationship with God. Is to have him examine the stories of men in the Bible. like David, and yeah, I know David had some issues, but with good, with good guidance, he can learn to focus on the character of David. And how David loved God and how David Stuck to God and how David was humble even when he did something wrong. He was humble and came back and asked forgiveness. And about Joseph, how Joe, the promises of Joseph, the promises that were made to Joseph, and how Joseph suffered. before those promises were were established in his life. But Joseph was a man of integrity, and that's a good example for your son to, to aspire to and to know about, to know the history of these men in the Bible, who can be role models for him. The other part I want to. Next, I want to talk about prioritizing community. Now, a lot of times our sons will connect with boys in their class, in their classroom, or the boy next door. And sometimes those influences aren't good. So that's one of the things you will need to kind of oversee that is getting good influence from his friends. And, you know, um, I think it was Jim, Jim Ron, who says that you're the sum of the 5 people closest to you. And so you want to encourage your son to surround himself with other godly young men, or at least young men who have character, good character, good morals, and men, young men who are, who are, who are coming from a home that encourages integrity and good character. And that's not always easy to do, but it comes if you talk to your child. One of the things I loved about me and my children growing up, especially the 2 youngest one, is that we have, we are always talking. We're always having conversation. And there are a lot of times I'm walking on the street there, I'm on the bus or the train, and I'm talking to my youngest son, especially. And somebody would ask me, is that my son? And I would say, yes, and at times I would ask, why do you answer? They say, well, the 2 of you talking like your friends. And I said, that's my son. Because I pride myself in having conversation with them and knowing what's going through their mind. It's because it's not about telling them what to do. It's about modeling this, this, this persona, this, the person who you, who you, are, and who you, you would like them to be. The next, um, the next point I want to, I want to build is building consistent spiritual habit. Encourage your child to go to church, to pray, and to read scripture. That's the only way he's going to develop this relationship on his own. It's okay to listen to preachers and and even to listen to preacher at church. It's okay. But the only way you can get to know God for yourself is to read the word of God and to pray to God. And he needs to understand that none of this has to be complicated and, you know, holier than thou and any of that stuff. It, it just need, you need. You just need to understand that God requires a heart that's open to him. So, Your example, mama, your training, your Leadership is going to determine how your son progress in this way of life. So, I encourage you to understand that you may not be able to feel daddy's role. But you can co-parent with God, and Lead your son to build a relationship with him. When that is absent. If this makes sense to you, if this reservate with you, leave me a comment. Um. I have a contact sheet below that you could, they link to my contact form that you could just, um, respond to this. Because it's a, it's a series that I'm developing because I realized that as a mother of 3 sons, um, the last 2 I, I, I raised without any father. And I, I, I just know that these men, these young men, need role models, and even though we're not daddy, we can be role models and we can, by pointing them to other role models, to mentor, to the god who loves them, to guard their father, and allow them to understand that god is nothing like men. And it's not an opportunity to disparage the father. It's an opportunity to draw contrast. And to encourage them. to embrace God, so that they can shake whatever legacy was left to them. and become a better man. I hope this makes sense for you. Thank you.
