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Are you missing connection? EP:17
Episode 1719th October 2021 • Soul Inspired Decisions • Carrie Lecuyer
00:00:00 00:34:33

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If you are feeling lonely, you are not alone.  Women are missing meaningful conversations and connections. On this episode, I will help you recognize where you are at in your life with connections and how you can make simple key shifts to creating new connections that will feel aligned with your heart. Simple tools for helping you to improve your levels of connections one day at a time.

About the Host:

When we are inspired by our own thoughts, we feel a true sense of joy, creativity, and the energy of infinite potential or possibilities that are available to us. Then someone needs a snack and the thoughts have gone. I am here to say YOU matter. My name is Carrie Lecuyer, I am an empowerment coach for moms with a feeling that there is more on their hearts and I want to help you reconnect and re-align with your souls purpose and passion and remain a great MOM.

As a mom of two little boys who love mud, I have visions, goals, ideas, and thoughts. Sometimes they only lasted for seconds, and the rest of the day I spend cleaning up after my kids. 

Over the past 20 years, I spent 15 years in a fast-paced career development and personal development environment. I have completed 26 half marathons, crossed the finished line at Ironman Canada, and became a mom. It has been the most amazing journey with so many lessons. I know for a fact that the moment I made a decision, clarity in all directions appeared.

I am here to help you connect with what lights you up, through 1:1 coaching.

You can learn more & connect with Carrie at:

Website: inspiredbycarrie.com

Instagram: Inspiredcoachingbycarrie 

Facebook: inspired@inspiredbycarrielecuyer



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Transcripts

Carrie Lecuyer:

Hello, my friends and welcome. You're listening to soul inspired decisions, a podcast for ordinary moms living extraordinary lives. My intention with this podcast is to teach, motivate and inspire by sharing stories, tools and strategies to help you unlock your greatest fears, annoying habits and old stories and make a move towards the things that have been on your heart. If you have been a little lost, or in a funk, and want to reconnect with your purpose, your passion and feel empowered again, then this is the best place for you to be hanging out. My name is Carrie liplay. And I'm an ordinary mom making extraordinary decisions. This is me putting one foot in front of the other, moving towards my next goal, and hoping to inspire you along the way. Let's get started. Hello, hello, how are you today? What's going on with you? I will I have had some really good conversations lately with women, moms of all ages. And my goodness, life feels really heavy for so many right now. But the common ground of all these conversations was there just missing connection, feeling alive, feeling hurt, people are feeling lonely. So I wanted to talk about this today. And hopefully it will help you gain some momentum on creating new connections and how you might start doing that, which sounds amazing. But when we have to take a step forward, it becomes reality. And it's hard and we don't know where to start. And we're worried about opinions and thoughts and what's going on in the world. So we tend to pull back. But we're in a society right now that feels lonely and closed in. And let's just dive into what I want to call powerful conversations. We need them, we thrive on them. They are what brings us to life and creates inspiration, it creates happiness if we feel validated. And it's not that we have to agree on things, which I think we've really forgotten that when we're in a friendship, you don't have to agree on each other's ideas and topics. But the thing is that you support them, because what drives me and and makes me move to the next level is certainly not what inspires my sister or my husband or my good friends. And we have similar interests, but they would never do what I do or what I'm interested in, that's okay. And vice versa. I'm not interested in flying helicopter like my husband does, or learning anything about it, quite honestly, it, I'll go for a ride. That's the extent of it. I'm not interested in talking about coffee all the time, my sister thrives on it and loves it. And it's really cool to see how happy she is. It's I'm not interested in pursuing

Carrie Lecuyer:

a big workload of course right now. But I have a friend who is dive right into it. And I'm so proud of her. And I'm really excited for her. And I love just seeing her light up and talk about it. Because I've been there, I know the pieces that from all of these things that people are doing that I've been through in my own journey, and I can relate and support. And that's what I want most of all is to just be there for the people around me because it's important to them. It's not about what I think is best for them, it's what they believe is best for them. And they're going after what they want. They're creating their life the way they want and feel excited to do so. But right now, we're just missing that connection of just meaningful conversations. Because we've been shut down and, and cut off from lots of things, activities, parties, all the things of life that we used to do. And we feel really disconnected and torn apart with life and family and friends and work and we just need to stop and recognize right now where we're at and what we're feeling that that's the first step in creating something new, that we don't have to stay in this funk of feeling lonely and wherever you are right now. That is okay. That's where you need to be. That's how we gain ideas. That's how we figure out what we don't want to we can move to what we do want. And it's just the first step in moving towards something different. So wherever you are right now know that you are okay. And I am here for you. And in this moment here with me. I just want you to breathe. In these moments while you listen. Know that you are a beautiful human being with the most incredible soul and you matter your thoughts matter your opinion matters. Your ideas matter. Your ability to be the Best Mom, you can be matters, your smile matters, your kindness matters. You are a beautiful human being. And you're probably not told that enough, because that's something we often don't say to each other. But we also just don't compliment each other on the things anymore, either. So whatever you're good at, you know what it is that you're good at that, you're good at that. And that's a connection piece that you're probably missing right now is just talking about, maybe the thing you're sewing, maybe that you're playing a sport right now again, and you really love it. I have a neighbor who's playing volleyball route right now. And just to see her light up and talk about it is amazing to see someone going after

Carrie Lecuyer:

starting a business right now is amazing. And it's okay to recognize that you're not where you want to be. And it's okay to admit to yourself, that you're feeling lonely, and you're feeling disconnected, and you're feeling really frustrated with the world right now. And to meet yourself where you are, it's okay to cry. And if you would just rather cry alone, and you're alone right now just shut it here, you'll just feel so much better just release it. It's okay to feel lonely. Whatever you need for inspiration is available for you, when you release some of the tension and the anxiety that's built up in you. And when you're ready, then new ideas and support will come to you automatically because it is available for you, you're just shutting it off connection is available for you, you're just shutting it off. So if you need to vent out, go outside and vent. If you need to go out in a field and talk to yourself then do so if you need to sit in your car and scream and yell and or hit a beanbag chair or hit your pillow. I mean kids, moms, don't forget that if you have a beanbag chair in your basement for your kids, go down and hit a few times or your pillow or be alone. Take the time, let out your frustrations. Let that anger go. And you'll just feel so much lighter. But that shit loose, don't hold on to it. Don't keep things in, you may not have someone to talk to in your home, your kids are in the middle, your spouse may not be around, he may not listen. But still you still need to let it out. Because you still can grow without having both conversation, that's fine. people survive and grow all the time. But you need to understand that you have to take control with what you have and where you're at on your own to start moving forward and the rest will just start to flow into you automatically. Because when you lift up your levels of opening your heart, then your husband may start asking you questions and talking to you again, you may have a neighbor that will come over and speak to you again. And once you release this wall and this fear and this anxiety that you have around you, people just start coming in automatically. But if your heart is closed, because you're protecting yourself from the outside world and your kids and your family, then that's felt by everyone around you as well. And it gets lonely, it feels tough. It may feel hard, crazy consuming, it may feel super frustrating, scary. I know for a lot of people as a last week we're in in October right now. And I know a lot of people felt really heavy, there was so much unknown, so much unbearable coming up. And for the first time ever in in two years, we felt that in our home too. And it was so unbearable. And I felt anger coming up with me with with my kids and it came out and the second time it came out I'm just like, okay, timeout, this is not who I want to be. This is nothing to do with my kids. This is just exactly how I'm feeling. This does not serve anybody. I just need to go. And you know, my husband didn't say anything because he knew exactly what was happening. But we didn't need to take it out on the kids. We didn't need to have the conversation in front of the kids or vent in front of the kids or protecting them from what's going on. But I'd need to remove myself and I need to vent my frustrations outside by myself and have the respect for myself that that's what I need. Everybody's gonna be okay just need to have a moment and you need to take your moment. However it may look to you. And if you're a home alone, and you have kids and it's overwhelming, take a break in the bathroom, lock yourself in the bathroom, I have a really good friend who locks herself in her bathroom. As soon as her husband comes home. She just locks herself in the bathroom for an hour. Or I have another friend who locks herself in the bathroom at night. So she feels like she's by herself. The whole world is

Carrie Lecuyer:

she's just kind of got it all together in that little room and our kids are safe, but she's just shot in a room in her own world in this bathroom. And that's where she hangs out. So I didn't know so many people did that. I've never really thought about doing that before I just go outside, that's my thing is just to be outside, in the fresh air and breathe, breathe in the fresh air and be present with the trees, the leaves the sky. That's my thing. So there are so many ways we can deal with what's going on with us to make us feel more connected. And there are many circumstances right now we can't control. But we need to look at we can control and we can read, we can control our responses, we can re control how we are interacting with each other. And we need to take ownership of where we are disconnecting with others, and where we have disconnected with others. That's the key point in all of this is what we think about is what we get. So if we're disconnecting and we want to disconnect, and we don't want to hear that person's opinion, or we don't want to hear that person's talking about work, or the heaviness of that person's life, or what's this person's always complaining about, we tend to remove ourselves from it. But eventually, we put up such high walls because we have this belief that we know how to live somebody else's life, and we don't understand what they're doing or why they're doing it. And we have to come back to having grace and compassion for the people around us. Because we're all trying to figure out how to live our own life the best way we know how. And if someone's asking your opinion, then give her opinion. But otherwise, just hear them out. Let them be who they are. Because the more we try to control and remove ourselves from other people's lives, the more we become lonely, so it's just an effect on us. And then over, you know, if we've been doing shutting ourselves down for two years, and you're that person, and you feel super lonely right now you probably get exactly what I'm thinking you've lived in fear you lived in criticism you've lived, critiquing others, you've lived in your hiding, whatever you want to call it, you're shutting the world out. So it doesn't affect you, you need to come to terms of what you've been doing, and where you want to go from here. So if you're happy with where you are, and you've made some new connections, and maybe you've made some better connections with friends, perfect, but if you're the person and what I'm hearing is that more people have been so disconnected with the world and friends and people that they're just feeling lonely. So if that's you, then this is the perfect place for you to be right now. Because this is what you need to hear you Your story is different than mine, your story and what you're going through is different than your neighbors, your friends, your mom, your sisters, your great Auntie Bessie, over there, she's, we've all got things going on in your world. And, you know, 30 years ago, people would unite together and work towards things together and really support and now we just closed the door, we build a higher fence. So we don't see the outside world or the neighbors and we're protected in our family. But then our family unit becomes so small that we can't let people in anymore. And the trouble with that is that when we surround ourselves with you know the for three to four people that you hang out with, that's what your world becomes a wrap around. So if your your your community is only ever talking about the crappy things going on at work, then that's what you're going to feel and hear. And that's what you're going to come that's what's gonna come out and conversations or if you're always hanging around someone who's super, super negative, that's what your conversations and that's the mindset you're going to bring out. I just talked to a mom who had completely hit rock bottom in life in marriage with kids. And they were able to ask her some really big questions where she actually, you know, she was at the bottom of everything so she had nowhere else to go but either up or just surrender to being miserable and she was tired of being miserable. And when she thought about it and took the time to actually think how she got there.

Carrie Lecuyer:

She admits that's her own fault. And that's the thing is when we can admit that we've created our circumstances we can we admit that we've created or not created the friendships or the relationships or at our work, we've not put in the best efforts or in the community. We've done that we've created it it's nobody else's fault but our own so when we understand that we've created it, that's the hardest thing for us as well it was to owning our own crap. Even more myself just going through periods of time in my life when recognizing that man, only ever talking about this person and being put in your face. Why? What does it serve me? What is it? What do I get from it? Do I feel really good about this? And having to ask myself these questions, I am not just, I don't just love personal development and career development, because it helps other people, it helps me all the time to grow to be the best person that I want to be. Because we all have patterns, and we can all fall into this category of being miserable. As always, we can all do that. And it takes a lot of effort to be the person we want to be, it's really easy to be miserable. Any one of us can do that, depending on circumstances, how we are treated, we can be the victim, and we'd be miserable. Or we can choose to rise above, but it takes effort, and it takes a lot of effort. And to even start moving out of that phase. It's dark. But once you know, by the 30 day mark of making an effort, you'll see it'll be like the curtains opening for you and suns coming in. And by 60 days, like, wow, the curtains are really open, and there's a lot of fun coming in. And by 90 days, you can see blue sky sun and you feel like a different person, but you have to go through the phases. You can't snap your fingers and think that connection and friendship and, and good conversation happened overnight. Anything we're doing is hard, and it's gonna take some time. So I want you to take ownership of where you're at right now and what you've created. In part where you're not happy with, I'm going to ask you to breathe. Because your breath resembles exactly how strong you are. You are strong, my friend, you are brave, you're, you have the most incredible gifts. And the most important thing I can say to you right now is just recognize where you're at and take one day at a time. Decide you are important, decide your families are important decide that your friendship is important. decide your spouse is important and your kids are important. And then one day at a time accept the change and how you can move forward. And how do we do this when we are exhausted? When we feel like there is no hope which many days we do, especially when you set out to have good intentions. And then your kids become ridiculous or like becomes crazy and you were on tracking. And you just kind of have grace with yourself. And understand that I can do this a little bit later. But I can always step into this a little bit more tomorrow. I think another key important thing for us right now is to accept change. So how do we do this, we are exhausted when we feel like there is no hope. We need to look inside and understand what our heart wants. For most of us. It truly connection is really what we do want our world is divided right now. And the women who are listening to this right now will probably gain a bit of perspective or a want to gain perspective in a new way. And they want to know how to open up and create new connections and friendships and get back to feeling valid, validated really. So we have to stand up and start again. The one day at a time is part of it, yes. But it's also to

Carrie Lecuyer:

accept the new reality of life. And when we find that we accept what's happening in life and move with it instead of fighting it, then the mental energy that's wasted on fighting things, and fighting what's going on in the world. And fighting what's going on around us with other people's lives. Then we surrender into just truly being present in what you can control instead of what's controlling us. So when we focus our energy on what everybody else is doing, and their opinions and their actions and what everybody else should or shouldn't be doing. We are wasting our energy on them. It doesn't serve us and it's controlling our thoughts and making us play small in our own lives. And that's not what we want to do we want to open up because women are on the rise right now into stepping into a better truer version of themselves. And it may seem really small and lonely right now but that's just because you're identifying where you're at right now and that you want more and that is a big, pat yourself on the back for that for getting to that place. The same you get what you think about is very evident in your life right now I'm guessing I'll say that again. It is a common known thing, a law of attraction, we get what we think about so if we are always thinking about the next Negative and what others should be doing, I shouldn't be doing how the world shouldn't be doing this, this or that. That's just taking all your energy sucking it all out of you and leaving you with nothing left to feel really wonderful about. So when you're only thinking about what you don't want, that is what you get. And it's kind of really crappy to look at what's happening in your life. And pinpointing. That's exactly what's happening. And if you are self aware person, and if you're looking to grow, this may hit some of you really hard. But it's the best thing that can happen for you. Because you can grow from that. So we all know what we don't want. That's very evident. You can probably think of one thing right now. So one thing right now that you don't want, say in your mind, right now, one thing you don't want. Okay? So that's, if that's been happening, that's been because that's what you've been telling yourself so much that you focusing on. So if you don't want that, what is the opposite of that? What do you want, and pivot, where's the most important place? Or the most important person that you can start building a connection with? If right now you're feeling really lonely? You've probably created that. So where can you start shifting and pivoting and moving to creating new levels of friendship, new levels of business, loot new levels with your family, because frustration will keep us in a frustration state, the worry will keep us in a worry state. The anxiety will keep us in an anxiety state of always wanting something that we're thinking about. Because it's actually what we don't want, but we're always thinking about it. So it's like creating our reality. Then we have endless sleeps, We're up all night, you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about the thing, and it just seems like life isn't there, then you're tired, then we're miserable to be around we're miserable to our kids are miserable to our spouse. And these patterns, make us feel really heavy till we become aware that this isn't what I want and make peace with what is. We don't want to be hard on ourselves anymore for what was recognized what is today. And we want to move from today, to tomorrow and create a plan for tomorrow. And that's what we need to focus on one day at a time I'm productive in my head. But being productive in your day is also key. day to day may make a plan and building a connection with someone new connection. A reminder that nature heals a source if you don't know what to do go for a walk. If you have to put your kids in the wagon, pull them in the way and give them lots of snacks so that they can you have some time to think in nature. If you have to push them in the stroller, and push them in the stroller, if you can go for they can go for a bike ride and you can block them do the thing, get outside, use something different. Some of you are really missing connection and really want to reignite friendships, maybe start friendships.

Carrie Lecuyer:

Some of you really want to just go for walks, talks counterparties appy nights, wine nights, Ladies Night, book clubs, races, work, conferences, training group playdates that has been missed drastically, and we feel so alone. Well, nothing may ever be the same for a long time. But you can create something different with what you know is going to work for you and your life. Because we can actually all do that we can create a plan for tomorrow with somebody doing something different. Have no expectations beyond that one day at a time. It takes the pressure off, you're not planning three weeks from now because we don't really know what could happen or, or, you know, there's just so many variables, I don't even want to talk about it. You just know, you know what's happening in the world. I don't need to bring it up and go into detail. You know what comes up in your life. You are not your neighbor down the street, you are not your mother in law, you are not your great Auntie Georgia who is always negative. You are a human being who wants more, but it starts with you. Starting today to just recognize where you're at that you do want connection. And these people in your life have been there for a reason. Now you get the choice to uplevel those connections or find new connections along this journey of where you're at. You have met new people and it's okay to expand your friendships. It's okay to shift friendships. The friendships you've had the connections you had the served you once they may serve you again in the future or they just may be part of your story and be okay with that. It's okay to rise. It's okay to build. It's okay because we want to have connection with people. who get us, and everything is shifted. So it's a really great way to build new connections with new people, and start something new, and be open. Right now I'm here for you, I have your space here, I know that you are safe. Hi, I'm happy to hear you and be present with you and honor what's going through your mind. And don't think that none of this has crossed my mind or that I'm not working through all of this myself. Because what I talk about is what I go through myself. So if you need to dance today, then put on some music to dance. If you need to smile today, then smile at someone new in the grocery store. When you pick up your kids just smile at somebody new. See where the connections roll. It's fantastic. When you put yourself out there and do something different. It's an effort. But the turnaround what you give is what you get back. be resilient be a role model you want your kids to see and look up to when things get really tough. Hopefully, your kids will not have to go through anything like our world is seen today. But I guarantee you, they will go through stuff, my kids will probably not go through what we're going through right now ever again. But they are going to go through stuff in crap and shit. And they're going to have to get out of their comfort zone and move and shift and do new things and pay us as women as mom's shifting and growing, we are teaching our kids to do the same. Because everything is figured out double everything we can shift towards and shift our minds. And if you're frustrated today, cry today and recognize you're feeling the fear that you're feeling the anger and identify why. If you're feeling alone, why and you can make peace with it. And then you can look for support and find it where you need to find a friend reach out to someone. Just say what just want to chat with them. When you have an idea you watch with someone reach out for mentor. Mentors are huge in this process of change. Right now. So many people are connecting with new mentors because they want to grow and they're waiting to connect with you.

Carrie Lecuyer:

Times are hard right now Yes, you may be struggling Yes. But you also need to understand your darkest fears and frustrations and angers are also blessings to help you understand that that's what you don't want, and to go after what you do want. And that's where good things start happening. That's where your tomorrow starts to look a little bit different because you pre plan and when we have a plan, we move towards it if you don't have a plan, if you don't have that little Northstar that you're moving towards, you will go nowhere. Understand, if you're listening to this, your heart has guided you here and it wants more for you. You are the creator of real life. And if you're missing connection, than just by recognizing that you can move forward, reaching out to someone new is being vulnerable. If you are an introvert, then it's gonna feel uncomfortable. But that's how we get to creating connections. That's how we move forward. When we see lack, the things you we wish are really hard to move towards. But if you see goodness and kindness and you see the connections and the friendships on the other side and the healing that you're going to do, then your vision of having this new connection of friends, family, meaningful conversations becomes very uplifting. make peace with your own friendships and no longer serve them make peace with the people that don't align with your vision. make peace with what the way you don't want to live life anymore. Maybe like hermit you're done with it, you're over it and move out of your box. If you want to attract more. The connection is to for you to understand that what you don't want is not serving you. And then make an effort to move to what you want. Send the text, make the call. He does an effort is someone on your mind. Trust that is your heart telling you to reach out to them that that you should connect with them. It's on your mind. It's on your heart. It's your own intuition, giving you a notch. It's easy to ignore, but trust me once you do something different it gets easier. Mama she was talking about how completely exhausted she wasn't it was just wanting to take a nap. But someone popped into her mind and she decided to text them and they ended up going for a walk and then after she had the walk she felt so refreshed. It's that simple. We can Give in to our old habits and the things that take our energy away. Or we can just follow the vibes and the nudges of what's happening out there. And we are slightly moved towards new things, and it happens quickly. But it's an effort and we have to be aware. We all want deeper, authentic connections, with ourselves with moments in our lives, someone we love. So I'm asking you just to put your hand over your heart right now, and, and promise yourself that you're willing to show up, I'm going to show up for myself on showing up because I'm tired of feeling this way. I want greater connections, I want greater friendships, I want a greater meaning to life. And through connection through conversation, you will feel inspired to move forward, it will shift your mindset.

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