Most golfers believe they'll enjoy golf more once they start playing better.

But what if we've got it the wrong way round?

In this episode of the Golf Yourself Happy Podcast, Golf Mindset Coach, Kris Lynch explores why the happiest golfers aren't necessarily the lowest handicappers - they're the golfers who've built a version of the game that's authentic to them.

Drawing on Self-Determination Theory, one of the world's most researched theories of human motivation, Kris introduces three psychological needs that influence not only how we play golf, but how much we enjoy it:

• Autonomy – Are you playing the golf you want to play?
• Mastery – Are you continuing to learn and grow?
• Purpose – Do you know why golf matters to you?

You'll learn why judging every round by your scorecard can leave you frustrated, how to build more resilient motivation, and why lasting enjoyment comes from something much deeper than your handicap.

Whether you're trying to break 100, lower your handicap or simply rediscover your love for the game, this episode will encourage you to rethink what success in golf really looks like.

In this episode:

• Why scores aren't the best measure of a good round
• The psychology behind lasting golf motivation
• Why comparison steals enjoyment
• How to define your own version of golf
• Why learning is more rewarding than perfection
• The coaching question every golfer should ask themselves
• How purpose transforms performance
• Practical reflection questions to take to your next round

Key Takeaways

✔ Play the golf that's right for you—not the golf you think you should play.

✔ Measure progress, not perfection.

✔ Connect your golf to something bigger than your handicap.

✔ Build a version of golf that fits your life.

Memorable Quote

"The happiest golfers aren't necessarily the best golfers. They're the golfers who've found a version of the game that's truly their own."

Resources

• Book a free 30-minute Golf Yourself Happy Discovery Call
• Subscribe on YouTube
• Follow Golf Yourself Happy on Instagram

Most golfers think they'll enjoy golf more when they get better. I, however, happen to think they've got it the wrong way around.

Because the happiest golfers aren't the most talented golfers, they're the golfers who have found a version of the game that is truly, uniquely their own.

Hello everyone and welcome back to the latest episode of the Golf Yourself Happy podcast with me, Kris Lynch, your host, founder, and head coach here at Golf Yourself Happy. I coach everyday recreational golfers to use their mind as their greatest asset on the golf course, to move them from frustration to fulfillment, from anger to enjoyment, and to help you.

Have the happiest and healthiest relationship with golf that you can possibly have.

Before we dive into today's episode, I have one small favor to ask of you. If you are enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to follow and subscribe.

on your favorite platform, Not only will this mean that you never miss a future episode, it also helps other everyday recreational golfers to discover the show. And together we will help people enjoy this wonderful game even more.

Okay, so let me introduce today's episode. I'm going to start this off by asking you a question, a reflective question. What actually makes a good round of golf? Because if you asked most golfers, they would probably instantly point to the scorecard. Shoot a good score, good round. Shoot a bad score, bad round. Simple, right? I'm not so sure. I don't think it's that simple, to be honest.

In fact, I think that this is one of the biggest reasons why so many golfers end up frustrated by a game that they genuinely love.

We judge our entire experience by a single number that is influenced by hundreds of different variables, such as our swing, the people we play with, the weather, the bounce of the ball, the luck factor even comes into it too. This is a lot of weight and pressure and expectation to place on one number. So if the score

Isn't the best measure or whether or not we've had a good day on the golf course, then what is? Well, it turns out that psychologists have been asking a very similar question for decades now, not just in a golf context, but in day-to-day life as well.

What is it that makes us motivated? What is it that helps us to thrive? What is it that makes us want to keep coming back to golf? One of the most influential answers to this comes from something we know as self-determination theory, which suggests that human beings flourish when three basic psychological needs are met. Those needs are autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

Autonomy is the feeling that we're choosing how we get to play. We independently get to make decisions around how we play golf rather than simply playing golf in the way that we think that we should or that we're obligated to. Mastery is the satisfaction that comes from learning, improving and developing our skills.

And purpose is the sense that golf means something to us, that it serves some bigger intention, goal, or purpose than simply chasing a lower score or a lower handicap. When all three of these needs are being met, we are more motivated.

We are more resilient and we are more likely to stay the course. And perhaps most importantly, we are far more likely to enjoy golf. So today I want to invite you to stop asking yourself the question of what did I shoot? What did I score? And instead ask yourself these three questions. Firstly, am I playing the type of golf that I genuinely want to play? Number two, am I continuing to learn and grow?

And number three, do I know why golf matters to me in the first place?

Now, of the three psychological needs we are going to explore today, I think that autonomy is perhaps the one that golfers lose sight of most often. Because somewhere along the way, many of us stop asking, what do I enjoy? And start asking instead, what should I be doing? So if autonomy is defined as our need to feel in control of our own choices.

In golf, this could look like deciding how, when, where, and with whom we play golf. And the problem we see here is that many golfers are unknowingly, unwittingly surrendering their autonomy. They inherit an unwritten set of rules about what proper golf, quote unquote proper golf, looks like.

This could be, for example, competition play counts more than casual general play rounds. Lower handicaps equals greater success and more happiness. 18 holes is better than nine holes. Serious golfers should practice more or practice for a certain amount or length of time and in a certain way. And over time, we stop asking what we enjoy, and instead we start chasing what we think.

we should value or what we're being told to value or what other people define as good or bad.

The psychology and the research behind this is really interesting. It basically tells us that people are more motivated when they act from a place of making choices, independent choices and decisions for themselves, rather than obligation. External rewards, approval, social status, social pressure can become very controlling if that stuff replaces our own reasons for playing.

And of the golfers that I coach, I hear a number of things come up from time to time, such as I recorded a great score the other day, best card I've put in this season, but it was in general play, so it counts less or it doesn't count at all.

Or another one that I heard the other day was,

I struck the ball really well all day, but I scored above my handicap, so that's not acceptable. Or conversely, I scored really, really well, but you know, my my play was quite erratic. You know, I wasn't hitting the ball as well as I could, the ball flight wasn't great, you know. I I really felt like I was scrambling out there and it and it didn't feel like I was playing to my true potential. There are all these different

⁓ ways in which golfers are holding these beliefs about themselves, or lessening their achievements.

And and when I hear these things, it gets me to wondering who decided that that is the criteria, or that there is any criteria for good golf or bad golf, or a criteria for deciding when in which situations you get to have permission to give yourself credit and to feel good about how you performed on any given day.

so I'm going to use this opportunity now to invite you to again stop asking this question, which is, what should my golf look like, or what should good golf look like? And instead ask yourself, what version of golf genuinely brings me the most enjoyment, fulfillment, and motivation? Because I

I don't believe that there is any such thing as the right way to play golf. There's only the right way for you.

The secret to enjoying golf lies not in mastering the game. It's in falling in love with the process of getting better. mastery in golf isn't about reaching perfection or becoming an expert.

It's about experiencing the satisfaction of learning, improving and developing your skills over time.

In golf, where perfection is impossible, mastery is not a destination, it is a lifelong mindset. The challenge within the context of mastery here is that many golfers often tie their enjoyment to outcomes, to results, such as shooting a lower score, getting your handicap down, winning club competitions, these sorts of things. And the problem there is that these outcomes are.

Influenced by countless variables beyond our control. Let me stop for a moment and say this, however. There is nothing inherently wrong or bad about chasing these kinds of results or outcomes. I, for one, am motivated by these things, and I'm sure any of you watching or listening to this may feel similar.

But what I want to put across to you here is that if our enjoyment of golf is dependent solely on these things, we are coming at the game from quite a brittle and vulnerable place.

And again, if we look to psychology, if we look to research and science, then we find that one of our deepest psychological needs is to feel competent, to experience progress and growth. Golf, as we know, provides endless opportunities for this because there's always something new to learn or to unlearn or to relearn. That could be a new shot type, it could be a better putting stroke.

Improving your course management. It could be, and this is the primary domain I would say here at Golf Yourself Happy, is to better manage and regulate your emotions. And the reward from that is not simply about improved performance and lower scores and that kind of thing. It's the knowledge.

That your effort has made a difference.

And I know from speaking to peers in my golf coaching network, in particular, I'm thinking about PGA pros, swing coaches, for example, they often reflect to me on whether they're coaching tour players or club golfers, recreational golfers. This theme comes up time and again, which is some of the most fulfillment that they see and enjoyment and satisfaction that they observe.

Their coaching clients getting is from having developed a skill over time, working on certain things in coaching sessions, and then crucially being able to take them out into the course and executing those skills in live playing environments. And I pause for a second on this one and think about my own experience along these lines. You know, I remember the first time I broke 100. I look back on that and the pride that I feel about that achievement.

Was probably less about the score that I got. It was a milestone, great, and I'm I still have the golf ball with 92 written on it in in pink pen. but the satisfaction that came for me from that was knowing that I had worked on my mental game, I'd worked on my technical game. I it was the the fruits of my labor had come to bear that after putting concentrated, committed effort in.

I got my just rewards. And that stuff felt the most rewarding element of that. And I encourage you to reflect on similar instances, because I dare say that when you stop and think about it, that feel-good factor will often come from the way in which you generated that score and not the actual score itself. So again, in each of these segments, I want to

Pause and invite you to think about something, to ask yourself a question and to flip things around. And in this case, I want you to ask: rather than asking yourself, how good am I? I want you to ask yourself, what am I learning right now in my game of golf? What's the stuff that I'm working on? And why am I working on that? What is the reason why we have identified that that specific factor is going to

push me forward is going to help me progress towards the achievement of my goals. It's acting in service of my aspirations and motivations and goals in golf. It's good to understand the the purpose and the intention behind what you're you're you're working on, what you're learning. And in what way are you learning? Are you clear on the approach that you're taking and again the intended effect of that particular drill, for example, that you might be working on.

And in doing so, I want you to celebrate the progress that you're making. I want you to celebrate curiosity. And I want you to celebrate the golfer that you are becoming on your way to becoming and not just the scores that you're shooting.

Golf becomes way more enjoyable when you know why you're playing and not just how you're playing. Purpose is about understanding what role golf plays in your life. Not every golfer wants the same thing, and that's exactly as it should be. We assume that every golfer wants to lower their handicap, but in my experience, that rarely tells the whole story. I've coached golfers whose biggest goal was to get to single figures.

I've coached other golfers who are really just focused on playing with less fear, less anxiety, and more confidence. Others I've seen and spoken to who are really just looking to become competent enough to say yes to accept a golf day invitation. Some people play golf for the purpose of spending time with their kids, with their wives, their husbands, their partners.

Some use golf to escape the pressure and the stress of the day job. Some people play it for just a healthy hobby in retirement. There are a multitude of reasons why people play golf and it's not a one size fits all thing.

And so if we are here now talking about purpose, in other words, why do you play golf? The question I'm going to put to you in this section of this episode is: what do you want golf to add to your life? How do you want golf to enrich your life? And then also I want you to think about when when you next go out on the golf course and

You stand there on the first T. Are you clear in your mind what the purpose and the intention of you playing that day is? Let me give you an example of this. Just the other day, I went out and played nine holes at my local golf club, and I something was clear in my mind. I thought, well, first of all, look, you know, my time is quite limited at the moment between work and family. Nine holes is about as much as I can manage.

I want to make sure that today it's not just about score. I want to be working intentionally on something. And so I got my new driver out that I've just had a fitting for. And I thought I'm working on driver in my lessons at the moment. What better way to put into practice the stuff that I've been learning in my lessons than to get it out on the course and and to give myself the flexibility and the permission and the acceptance of saying,

It's a work in progress. I don't know where this ball's gonna go. I'm just trying a few things out. But the the sheer act of just giving myself that permission and having a clear intention and purpose meant that come the end of those nine holes, that was my benchmark. That is what I would judge myself upon was how did I how did I perform? How did it go using the driver? Never mind what I scored, because like I say.

You know, I was I was accepting that things weren't necessarily gonna instantly click and go my way. And and sure enough, that's what happened. You know, I hit a few stray ones, but I learned. Okay. Going back to mastery, I got some data, I got some feedback, I realized what wasn't working. So if I then summarize, okay, again, everything that we've talked about in today's episode.

We are saying that purpose defines where you're going in golf, why you're playing it, it defines the destination that you have in mind. Mastery helps you grow towards that destination and autonomy lets you choose how, the way in which you progress towards that goal and that destination.

And ultimately, rounding out on purpose, when we are connected to what truly matters to us, our motivation is on more solid ground. Setbacks become easier to navigate because our purpose extends beyond just a scorecard.

So really what we're saying here when all is said and done is that purpose is not just about becoming a better golfer, it's about understanding why becoming a better golfer is important to you in the first place.

Alright, thank you so much for watching or listening to this episode of the Golf Yourself Happy Podcast. If something or anything resonated with you in today's episode, and you would like to get some personalized one-to-one support to apply these ideas to your own golf game,

I would love to help you. I work one to one with everyday golfers who want to enjoy golf more, build confidence on the course, and perform more consistently under pressure.

If that sounds like the kind of support that you would like to receive, then you can book a free 30-minute discovery call with me using the link in the show notes. There is no obligation at all beyond this free discovery call. It's really just an opportunity to explore together whether coaching is the right fit for you.

Folks, a final reminder to get subscribed and to follow on your favourite podcast platform. And until the next time, please remember, always put your happiness first and your handicap later.