Lexi Burt:
00:00:05
Lex, welcome to a quest for wholeness podcast. I'm
Lexi Burt:
00:00:09
your host. Lexi Burt, a fertility advisor and
Lexi Burt:
00:00:12
endometriosis advocate together, we're diving into the journey of
Lexi Burt:
00:00:17
understanding what it truly means to be a healthy, complete
Lexi Burt:
00:00:21
individual, biologically, psychologically, socially and
Lexi Burt:
00:00:25
spiritually. In solo episodes, I'll share my insights on
Lexi Burt:
00:00:29
fertility, holistic health and endometriosis, plus we'll have
Lexi Burt:
00:00:33
conversations with incredible guests, all exploring the same
Lexi Burt:
00:00:37
burning question, what does it mean to be a whole, healthy and
Lexi Burt:
00:00:41
satisfied person. I'm so grateful you're here.
Lexi Burt:
00:00:47
Today's guest is James Donaldson, author, mental health
Lexi Burt:
00:00:51
advocate and founder of the your GIFT of Life Foundation, former
Lexi Burt:
00:00:56
NBA All Star with the Seattle SuperSonics and Dallas
Lexi Burt:
00:00:59
Mavericks. James's journey took him from the pro basketball to
Lexi Burt:
00:01:03
global tours with the Harlem Globetrotters and eventually to
Lexi Burt:
00:01:07
a powerful mission off the court. After facing his own
Lexi Burt:
00:01:11
mental health challenges, he now dedicates his life to suicide
Lexi Burt:
00:01:14
prevention and mental wellness. His book celebrating your gift
Lexi Burt:
00:01:19
of life, shares his inspiring story from struggle to purpose.
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00:01:23
This episode contains discussions about mental health
Lexi Burt:
00:01:26
challenges, including depression and suicide. If these topics are
Lexi Burt:
00:01:31
sensitive or triggering for you, please take care of yourself
Lexi Burt:
00:01:35
while listening. You aren't alone, and support is available.
Lexi Burt:
00:01:39
If you are in Canada, you can call or text 988 anytime for
Lexi Burt:
00:01:43
free and confidential help in the US. You can also dial 988 to
Lexi Burt:
00:01:48
reach the suicide and crisis lifeline
Lexi Burt:
00:01:52
I am so excited to get right into the meat and potatoes of
Lexi Burt:
00:01:57
this episode. James, your NBA career spanned 14 seasons,
Lexi Burt:
00:02:03
including an all star title and international play. Looking
Lexi Burt:
00:02:08
back, when did you first notice that mental health was something
Lexi Burt:
00:02:12
being neglected in professional sports, either personally or
Lexi Burt:
00:02:17
among your teammates?
James Donaldson:
00:02:18
Well, you know, I never really personally
James Donaldson:
00:02:20
noticed it when I was playing, although I did see year after
James Donaldson:
00:02:24
year after year, a lot of the guys that come to the league,
James Donaldson:
00:02:27
they try out, they put their whole heart and soul into it,
James Donaldson:
00:02:31
and they wouldn't make the team, and they'd be devastated. And
James Donaldson:
00:02:35
I've felt for them. I mean, I of course, they moved on, and they
James Donaldson:
00:02:38
went on with their life, hopefully, and found something
James Donaldson:
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else to get into, but you kind of run into that brick wall. I
James Donaldson:
00:02:44
mean, after being all everything in grade school and all
James Donaldson:
00:02:48
everything in high school and all everything in college, then
James Donaldson:
00:02:51
you get to the pros, and they say no, because there's only so
James Donaldson:
00:02:55
many spots in that team, and you got to be really, really good
James Donaldson:
00:02:58
and very competitive to make it. Not everybody's gonna make it.
James Donaldson:
00:03:02
Lot of guys don't have a backup plan. They're not ready for
James Donaldson:
00:03:05
something to kind of kind of kind of roll into, in case this
James Donaldson:
00:03:10
doesn't work out. And that's why I encourage the guys, hey, make
James Donaldson:
00:03:12
sure you have a backup plan. But I saw it year after year,
James Donaldson:
00:03:15
especially in training camp, we'd have 3040, guys come to
James Donaldson:
00:03:18
camp. Only 12 are going to make the team, and so a lot of
James Donaldson:
00:03:23
disheartened and broken spirits at the end of the camp, and I
James Donaldson:
00:03:28
always wondered and felt, you know, for the guys and how they
James Donaldson:
00:03:32
made out with life after the game, which is what I dedicated
James Donaldson:
00:03:36
a lot of my post basketball career to, is being on the board
James Donaldson:
00:03:39
with the retired NBA players and helping them make that
James Donaldson:
00:03:43
transition from professional sports into real, everyday life
James Donaldson:
00:03:47
again. Most of us aren't ready for it, but it's coming sooner
James Donaldson:
00:03:50
or later, and you just have to really get yourself prepared for
James Donaldson:
00:03:54
it.
Lexi Burt:
00:03:55
I wonder was mental health? Was it specifically like
Lexi Burt:
00:03:59
caught in that framework, back in the day when you were kind of
Lexi Burt:
00:04:04
in the NBA, or was it something, that word and that idea kind of
Lexi Burt:
00:04:09
was more, yeah, I guess aware to you after the fact.
James Donaldson:
00:04:14
It was after the fact. I mean, it was really
James Donaldson:
00:04:15
stigmatized when I was playing. I played in the 80s and 90s most
James Donaldson:
00:04:19
of my career, and so mental health wasn't something that the
James Donaldson:
00:04:22
players talked about, the coaches, the teams. Of course,
James Donaldson:
00:04:25
all of us have big, strong testosterone field heat men. And
James Donaldson:
00:04:30
you know, we don't dare cry, we don't dare show weakness. We
James Donaldson:
00:04:32
don't dare, you know, show that you're injured or anything like
James Donaldson:
00:04:35
that. You just keep playing through it and cover it up. You
James Donaldson:
00:04:39
put that mask on. Not good for these guys, I tell the guys out
James Donaldson:
00:04:42
there now, it's not good. I mean, that's such a detriment to
James Donaldson:
00:04:46
you to be so they call it toxic masculinity now, where you just
James Donaldson:
00:04:52
do you play that role to the hilt. You know, the strong,
James Donaldson:
00:04:54
silent type, but never cry type. And I tell the guys, hey, it's
James Donaldson:
00:04:58
okay to be in touch with your feelings. It's okay. Not to be
James Donaldson:
00:05:00
okay and to reach out for help. I wish I had known what I know
James Donaldson:
00:05:04
now back in the 80s and 90s, because I could have helped a
James Donaldson:
00:05:07
lot of the guys that came through could have helped myself
James Donaldson:
00:05:09
as well. I had some serious injuries that put me on the
James Donaldson:
00:05:14
couch and knocked me out for six months, eight months, and mental
James Donaldson:
00:05:17
health was a big part of that, the depression, the loneliness,
James Donaldson:
00:05:20
the isolation becomes the crowd. The fans are no longer cheery.
James Donaldson:
00:05:24
They're roaring for you every night you're home all by
James Donaldson:
00:05:26
yourself. And life is just totally different. So all of
James Donaldson:
00:05:32
these things come into play, and I really hope to be able to work
James Donaldson:
00:05:34
with a lot more athletes, especially men, and particularly
James Donaldson:
00:05:38
because us guys are a different sort of animal that's, you know,
James Donaldson:
00:05:43
from from childhood, from boyhood, were taught not to cry
James Donaldson:
00:05:47
and to be tough and to suck it up. And we believe that, and we
James Donaldson:
00:05:52
carry that into adulthood, and it starts to affect us when we
James Donaldson:
00:05:55
start having problems. So we have to be better prepared for
James Donaldson:
00:05:58
that, and that's what I hope to do more and more of
Lexi Burt:
00:06:02
Was there ever a moment like during the time that
Lexi Burt:
00:06:05
you were playing in the NBA, like you felt like you had to
Lexi Burt:
00:06:08
perform emotionally, not just physically, but like you were
Lexi Burt:
00:06:12
expected to be on in every kind of way
Unknown:
00:06:16
you are, you are. I mean, emotion is a big part of
Unknown:
00:06:19
the game. Of course, physicality is the book. The best part,
Unknown:
00:06:22
biggest part of it, you have to be physically able to play in
Unknown:
00:06:25
the NBA, but you have to get yourself up every game. And I
Unknown:
00:06:29
think that the toughest part for a lot of the guys who aren't
Unknown:
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don't have that good balance, is how to handle the tremendous
Unknown:
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highs when you win and how to handle the tremendous lows when
Unknown:
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you lose 82 games in a season, that's a lot of highs, a lot of
Unknown:
00:06:43
lows, and the playoffs roll around and everything is on, the
Unknown:
00:06:47
chips are on the table, and you're playing everything for
Unknown:
00:06:51
the playoffs and for that championship ring, tremendous
Unknown:
00:06:54
emotionally highs you're riding the whole time, and then boom,
Unknown:
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it just crashes to an end if you Don't walk away with that
Unknown:
00:07:00
trophy. So that's the emotional part of the game. And the guys
Unknown:
00:07:04
who are well balanced, I noted, I had a lot of teammates who had
Unknown:
00:07:08
substance abuse problems, and they would take the drinking way
Unknown:
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too much after a win, or drinking way too much after a
Unknown:
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loss, doing drugs way too much after a win, doing drugs way too
Unknown:
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much after I mean, they just couldn't find that balance, that
Unknown:
00:07:21
equilibrium, and that's the emotional part of the game that
Unknown:
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you have to be in touch with in order to perform consistently on
Unknown:
00:07:28
a nightly basis like we have to.
Lexi Burt:
00:07:30
You know, I don't know if you're a fan of hockey,
Lexi Burt:
00:07:34
I usually jump on the bandwagon at the end of the final, but it
Lexi Burt:
00:07:38
was an American team, the Cougars, against the Edmonton
Lexi Burt:
00:07:42
Oilers last night. And you could even see that right, like the
Lexi Burt:
00:07:45
Oilers law had a devastating loss. They lost one to five last
Lexi Burt:
00:07:50
night. And you could see the there were some tears the camera
Lexi Burt:
00:07:53
caught in the goalies face, and you could see how devastating
Lexi Burt:
00:07:57
that was. And for them, that's like going to be one of their
Lexi Burt:
00:08:00
worst nights of their careers, and then you saw the celebrating
Lexi Burt:
00:08:04
team that's going to be the one of the best nights. So I think
Lexi Burt:
00:08:07
that's a good example of just those highs and lows that you
Lexi Burt:
00:08:10
just mentioned.
Unknown:
00:08:11
That's exactly right. And I mean, in one locker room,
Unknown:
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they're they're popping champagne, and everybody's
Unknown:
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cheering. The other locker room, they're in tears, and they are
Unknown:
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just physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted, and you
Unknown:
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just don't even want to take your uniform off, chances over.
Unknown:
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But what can you do? And so I hope more and more teams are
Unknown:
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providing the mental health support that's so crucial for
Unknown:
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these players as they go through a long season, and not only
Unknown:
00:08:38
that, but to prepare them for life after the game, because
Unknown:
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that's when the that's when the cheering really stops. That's
Unknown:
00:08:46
when you know your identity that you had as a player. You go back
Unknown:
00:08:50
to your hometown, and yeah, there might be a handful of
Unknown:
00:08:53
people who know you and recognize you, but for the most
Unknown:
00:08:55
part, you're just a regular, average, you know, overly tall
Unknown:
00:08:59
guy, but you know, regular, average guy, that nobody's
Unknown:
00:09:03
cheering for you anymore, and it's hard for a lot of guys to
Unknown:
00:09:06
make that adjustment
Lexi Burt:
00:09:08
Right, like assimilating back into
Lexi Burt:
00:09:10
civilization as essentially,
James Donaldson:
00:09:12
Yes, finding a purpose, finding that purpose.
James Donaldson:
00:09:15
What is life all about? And who am I really for guys, especially
James Donaldson:
00:09:19
what we do is our identity, we really tie it into our I our
James Donaldson:
00:09:23
identity. So I'm an NBA player, and that's what I'm going to be
James Donaldson:
00:09:26
the rest of my life. Well, you're not going to be that the
James Donaldson:
00:09:28
rest of your life. That's what you used to do. But if you still
James Donaldson:
00:09:32
think that, I watch a lot of social media now, and guys I
James Donaldson:
00:09:35
played with back in the 80s and 90s are still talking about the
James Donaldson:
00:09:38
matchups and the games and things 40 years ago, like you
James Donaldson:
00:09:42
guys have to let it go. That's way in the past. Nobody
James Donaldson:
00:09:46
remembers you guys now, but they talk about it as if it happened
James Donaldson:
00:09:49
last week,
Lexi Burt:
00:09:51
Right? Yeah, and I think you make such a good point
Lexi Burt:
00:09:53
about you know, teams aren't they're setting people up for
Lexi Burt:
00:09:57
the career and to make them super good players. In that time
Lexi Burt:
00:10:00
frame, but in your experience in the past, or even what you know
Lexi Burt:
00:10:05
now about how that operates, is there any like off boarding
Lexi Burt:
00:10:10
process or support for these players?
James Donaldson:
00:10:13
Well, I'm not real familiar with it, although
James Donaldson:
00:10:15
I'm aware that most teams, if not all teams, have a mental
James Donaldson:
00:10:18
health counselor of some sort on the staff around the team, so
James Donaldson:
00:10:23
the guys can reach out. This is the role I'm trying to play now
James Donaldson:
00:10:26
with the NBA, as a former NBA player, a guy who's actually
James Donaldson:
00:10:30
been there and done that, a lot of these mental health
James Donaldson:
00:10:32
counselors have never dribbled the basketball. They don't, they
James Donaldson:
00:10:35
can't, they don't know the first thing about the game, you know.
James Donaldson:
00:10:37
So we don't talk to the guys about the stress surrender or
James Donaldson:
00:10:40
the anxiety, but I can talk to them about, hey, actually,
James Donaldson:
00:10:43
you're living through this and playing through it and dealing
James Donaldson:
00:10:46
with it myself. And so I hope I can find my way into the NBA
James Donaldson:
00:10:50
somehow and actually work with the players and be that guy that
James Donaldson:
00:10:55
the players can call at three in the morning if they just can't
James Donaldson:
00:10:59
get to sleep. They're just so filled with anxiety and dread
James Donaldson:
00:11:03
and anxiousness and the whole works. I've been there. I know
James Donaldson:
00:11:07
that. I know it's part of the game, and I know I can help them
James Donaldson:
00:11:11
more than most people can, absolutely.
Lexi Burt:
00:11:13
And I mean the culture of professional sports
Lexi Burt:
00:11:16
often discourages vulnerability, right? What did it take for you
Lexi Burt:
00:11:22
to start speaking publicly about your mental health, and how did
Lexi Burt:
00:11:26
that contrast with the mindset you had to maintain as an
Lexi Burt:
00:11:30
athlete?
James Donaldson:
00:11:31
Well, my mental health challenges came about
James Donaldson:
00:11:33
after a series of real serious medical incidents I had with my
James Donaldson:
00:11:38
heart I had emergency open heart surgery to save my life back in
James Donaldson:
00:11:43
2015 and it was touch and go for several weeks. I was in the ICU
James Donaldson:
00:11:48
for three, three months flat on my back for the whole year, and
James Donaldson:
00:11:52
had to go through it again in 2016 Wow. Two year back, and
James Donaldson:
00:11:57
here I am. Up until that point, I'm still this big athlete, even
James Donaldson:
00:12:02
though it was an older athlete. I'm in the gym five, six days a
James Donaldson:
00:12:06
week. I'm running, you know, three or four or five kilometers
James Donaldson:
00:12:09
every day, and just in tip top shape. And boom, it was all
James Donaldson:
00:12:13
over. And so this caused me to go through this mental health
James Donaldson:
00:12:17
spiral, downhill, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,
James Donaldson:
00:12:23
suicidal ideations, loneliness, isolation, and I went through
James Donaldson:
00:12:29
that for a whole year. 2018 was my worst year, and so that's
James Donaldson:
00:12:35
when I had to deal with it. Now I was about 5758 59 at the time.
James Donaldson:
00:12:40
So after my basketball career, but still very much tied to
James Donaldson:
00:12:45
sports and to the NBA. I mean, you know, I'm, I'm over two
James Donaldson:
00:12:49
meters tall, you know, 218 I guess in your country, 218 so
James Donaldson:
00:12:53
people still recognize me as a basketball player. They still
James Donaldson:
00:12:56
see me and think that I'm a basketball player. So I can't
James Donaldson:
00:12:59
get away from it. But this really caused me and being laid
James Donaldson:
00:13:04
up pretty much all 215 and 216 I ended up losing my long running
James Donaldson:
00:13:10
business I had for 30 years physical therapy business. I
James Donaldson:
00:13:13
ended up going through a bankruptcy, losing my life
James Donaldson:
00:13:16
savings, all my NBA savings, losing my all in foreclosure,
James Donaldson:
00:13:21
losing my my marriage, my wife and my stepson. Everything that
James Donaldson:
00:13:26
could fall apart fell apart, and everything that could leave left
James Donaldson:
00:13:33
except for my old life, which I was just in my mind toying with
James Donaldson:
00:13:39
at my own fingertips and ready to throw it all away at any
James Donaldson:
00:13:42
point. And so I went through all of that, and that's why, when I
James Donaldson:
00:13:47
finally came out of that, at the end of 2018 2019 I had this talk
James Donaldson:
00:13:53
with God, you know, and I said, Hey, God, I always took care of
James Donaldson:
00:13:56
myself. I've always been a good guy. Always done the right
James Donaldson:
00:13:59
things. Why? Why? Why do I have to go through this? He's like,
James Donaldson:
00:14:01
he's like, Hey, James, I let you go through that so you know, and
James Donaldson:
00:14:06
now you understand what mental health challenges are all about.
James Donaldson:
00:14:09
You got a big platform, you know, people know you, people
James Donaldson:
00:14:12
like you, people respect you. I want you to use your platform,
James Donaldson:
00:14:16
get out there and speak and talk to people about mental health.
James Donaldson:
00:14:19
Be an advocate, be a voice, help people, channel them to the
James Donaldson:
00:14:24
resources that are available. And that has become my whole
James Donaldson:
00:14:27
next chapter of life, from 2019 on, with your gift of life
James Donaldson:
00:14:32
Foundation, which I started up in 2019 and all of the work I do
James Donaldson:
00:14:37
now with middle school and high school students and men in
James Donaldson:
00:14:41
particular, constantly, constantly talking to them and
James Donaldson:
00:14:44
showing them that, hey, help is readily available. You got to
James Donaldson:
00:14:48
ask for it, because mental health, like unlike most things,
James Donaldson:
00:14:53
you can't tell something's wrong with somebody from the outside.
James Donaldson:
00:14:57
They have to let you know. So you have to let. People know
James Donaldson:
00:15:01
that you need help and you need them to be there for you.
Lexi Burt:
00:15:06
You literally gave me shivers, because I think if you
Lexi Burt:
00:15:09
go through those experiences, it's really about the meaning
Lexi Burt:
00:15:13
that you take away, right? And you came out the positive side
Lexi Burt:
00:15:17
of that and found meaning in that. And I think that's where
Lexi Burt:
00:15:21
people really can impact communities and other people, is
Lexi Burt:
00:15:27
by taking their adversity and turning it into something that's
Lexi Burt:
00:15:31
going to help other people. That's a lot of work that I do
Lexi Burt:
00:15:34
in women's health. I had kind of been through the ringer with the
Lexi Burt:
00:15:37
medical system for like, 12 years to finally get a diagnosis
Lexi Burt:
00:15:42
and find treatments and support that work. And I feel almost
Lexi Burt:
00:15:46
responsible to be able to share this information with other
Lexi Burt:
00:15:50
people, because it's like, maybe it doesn't have to be like that
Lexi Burt:
00:15:54
for everybody.
James Donaldson:
00:15:55
That's right. That's right. Yeah, exactly. And
James Donaldson:
00:15:58
so, you know, sometimes you just don't know until you have to go
James Donaldson:
00:16:00
through it yourself, and then you come out being that advocate
James Donaldson:
00:16:04
and that voice and on fire read the word and help other people
James Donaldson:
00:16:08
out. And that's exactly what I've been doing and what I plan
James Donaldson:
00:16:12
to do the rest of my life. My long running business is over
James Donaldson:
00:16:15
with. You know, I have to rebuild my nest egg. Got to find
James Donaldson:
00:16:19
another girlfriend who can be my wife one day. I got to rebuild
James Donaldson:
00:16:22
everything from the start, but I'm still here to be able to do
James Donaldson:
00:16:25
that.
Lexi Burt:
00:16:27
What was something that you learned about yourself
Lexi Burt:
00:16:32
going through really the darkest times of your life with your
Lexi Burt:
00:16:37
mental health?
James Donaldson:
00:16:38
Yeah, that's a really good question. You know,
James Donaldson:
00:16:41
I've always been a man of faith. You know, I grew up in a
James Donaldson:
00:16:44
Christian home, and I really have a strong sense of faith,
James Donaldson:
00:16:48
and God is real, and God is in control. And so I knew all along
James Donaldson:
00:16:53
that even though I was going through a real difficult time,
James Donaldson:
00:16:56
that God wasn't so much putting me through it. He was allowing
James Donaldson:
00:17:00
me to go through it. He was waiting for me the other end
James Donaldson:
00:17:04
saying, Hey, come on, you're learning a little lesson. I'm
James Donaldson:
00:17:07
teaching you a lesson. I'm going to equip you with all you need
James Donaldson:
00:17:11
to get out there and make a difference in the world. And so
James Donaldson:
00:17:15
it was tough. It was 12 months of, I say, pure darkness in
James Donaldson:
00:17:19
hell, 2018 where some days I didn't think I'd make it
James Donaldson:
00:17:25
tomorrow, some days I didn't think I'd make it to the next
James Donaldson:
00:17:29
hour. But I had a small group of friends, five, six, real,
James Donaldson:
00:17:32
intimate, close friends, and I asked them all. I said, Hey
James Donaldson:
00:17:35
guys, I need you to check in on me two or three times a week.
James Donaldson:
00:17:39
Just call me and ask me how my day is going, and I need you to
James Donaldson:
00:17:43
allow me to call you at two or three in the morning if I need
James Donaldson:
00:17:46
to. And they all put their hand up say, yes, yes, yes. God, you
James Donaldson:
00:17:51
know that made a big difference having a support group around
James Donaldson:
00:17:57
me. And we all need a support group, even if it's just one or
James Donaldson:
00:18:01
two people, you've got to have that person that you can go to.
James Donaldson:
00:18:05
And these, these little phones that we're talking about,
James Donaldson:
00:18:08
they're not going to do it. They're not going to cut it.
James Donaldson:
00:18:11
Yeah, they got all these apps and things for mental health and
James Donaldson:
00:18:14
meditations and calm and everything else. But it's not
James Donaldson:
00:18:17
the same as talking to a real, live person who's actually
James Donaldson:
00:18:21
looking you in the eye or taking you by the taking you by the arm
James Donaldson:
00:18:26
or giving you a hug, that that makes all the difference.
Lexi Burt:
00:18:31
Well, Said, I think that's the thing. We live in
Lexi Burt:
00:18:34
North America, where we are. We're really in this epidemic of
Lexi Burt:
00:18:38
loneliness. We're more connected than where we've ever been in
Lexi Burt:
00:18:41
history, but we're experiencing the highest levels of isolation
Lexi Burt:
00:18:45
and loneliness, which I think are contributing to these mental
Lexi Burt:
00:18:50
health crises that we're really seeing all across the board.
James Donaldson:
00:18:55
Yeah, I really agree with that, and I've met up
James Donaldson:
00:18:58
a blog every single day, also about mental health and
James Donaldson:
00:19:01
different articles and things, and I brought out what the US
James Donaldson:
00:19:04
Surgeon General said two or three years ago about
James Donaldson:
00:19:07
loneliness. That's right, being the number one epidemic in this
James Donaldson:
00:19:11
country. I mean, it's mental health is way out there, but
James Donaldson:
00:19:14
loneliness is above that. And so many of us, I really feel for
James Donaldson:
00:19:20
our kids, though, because our kids are just living their own
James Donaldson:
00:19:25
life through this, this little phone gadget in their hand. They
James Donaldson:
00:19:28
just can't put it down. They can't look up from it. And, you
James Donaldson:
00:19:32
know, studies show now that a lot of kids are up to 12 hours a
James Donaldson:
00:19:35
day on social media platforms, 12 hours. I mean, you're trying
James Donaldson:
00:19:40
to go to go to school for four or five hours. You're trying to
James Donaldson:
00:19:42
eat for an hour or two. You should be out playing with your
James Donaldson:
00:19:45
friends for a few hours, but they're on their phones for 12
James Donaldson:
00:19:48
hours a day on average. And I feel for them as they get a
James Donaldson:
00:19:51
little bit older into their 20s, and they got to go out and find
James Donaldson:
00:19:55
that first little girlfriend or first little boyfriend, and they
James Donaldson:
00:19:59
won't be. To talk to them without texting to them right
James Donaldson:
00:20:03
across the table. You know, it's not going to work very well.
Lexi Burt:
00:20:07
I think about that often, particularly like two or
Lexi Burt:
00:20:11
three years ago, I guess three years ago now, there was a
Lexi Burt:
00:20:14
whistleblower came out about metas, data about teenage girls
Lexi Burt:
00:20:19
on social media and mental health, comparing, you know,
Lexi Burt:
00:20:22
Body, body image, like issues. And I was thinking it made me
Lexi Burt:
00:20:27
really angry, and I even notice it. I'm 29 but I notice when I'm
Lexi Burt:
00:20:32
on those platforms too much, I can feel this depression come in
Lexi Burt:
00:20:38
and this comparison, and I'm feeling bad about my body, I
Lexi Burt:
00:20:41
have a fully developed frontal lobe, and I am recognizing that.
Lexi Burt:
00:20:45
And there's children who don't even have these cognitive
Lexi Burt:
00:20:50
capacities developed, and it's really frightening to see where
Lexi Burt:
00:20:54
that might go when they've been indoctrinated by these tools
Lexi Burt:
00:20:59
from so early
James Donaldson:
00:21:01
on, yes, yes, it's scary, very, very scary.
Lexi Burt:
00:21:04
I want to ask as well, because you're such an
Lexi Burt:
00:21:08
advocate for, you know, suicide prevention. And when we talk
Lexi Burt:
00:21:11
about even the word suicide, there's a lot of stigma around
Lexi Burt:
00:21:15
it. And before we hit record, we were talking about how, you
Lexi Burt:
00:21:19
know, suicidal ideations isn't something that's abnormal. It
Lexi Burt:
00:21:24
doesn't mean you're broken and it doesn't mean that there's
Lexi Burt:
00:21:27
something wrong with you. So I'm wondering, when you're speaking
Lexi Burt:
00:21:29
about, you know, suicidality, suicidal ideations and suicide
Lexi Burt:
00:21:34
prevention, what is kind of the vibe that you are receiving or
Lexi Burt:
00:21:38
experiencing from people?
James Donaldson:
00:21:40
Well, you know, my presentation and talks are
James Donaldson:
00:21:43
received very, very well from the middle school and high
James Donaldson:
00:21:46
school kids that I speak to all around the state of Washington,
James Donaldson:
00:21:49
although YouTube just pulled out one of my videos, of course, I
James Donaldson:
00:21:53
know, like, come on, because it said it violated their term or
James Donaldson:
00:21:56
condition or something. I was even though it's made for kids,
James Donaldson:
00:22:00
I checked the box made for kids. I'm speaking to the kids about,
James Donaldson:
00:22:03
you know, suicide and possibly taking your life and reaching
James Donaldson:
00:22:07
out for help. YouTube thought I violated their terms, so they
James Donaldson:
00:22:10
took that video down. I still got dozens of other videos up
James Donaldson:
00:22:13
there saying the same thing, but they took this one. But the
James Donaldson:
00:22:16
kids, the kids appreciate the fact that you're straight
James Donaldson:
00:22:20
shooting, straight talking. You're not dancing around, you
James Donaldson:
00:22:24
know? And at the end of my talks, I usually have questions
James Donaldson:
00:22:28
and answers for the kids. And there's always three or four
James Donaldson:
00:22:32
kids in the in the audience that will tell you that they're
James Donaldson:
00:22:34
suicidal right now, and they'll say it in front of their peers,
James Donaldson:
00:22:38
especially in the small town small school settings, they'll
James Donaldson:
00:22:42
say it in front of their peers and let everybody know that
James Donaldson:
00:22:45
they're really struggling the transgender things that kids are
James Donaldson:
00:22:48
going through, the gender identity things that kids are
James Donaldson:
00:22:51
going through, the bullying the kids are going through, the body
James Donaldson:
00:22:55
shaming, and all these things that kids go through. They are
James Donaldson:
00:22:59
really struggling with these things, and so I'm a straight
James Donaldson:
00:23:03
shooter, and straight talk with them. I just let them know that,
James Donaldson:
00:23:06
hey, I've been through all these things I'm talking about, and
James Donaldson:
00:23:12
you might go through them too, but I made it through, and you
James Donaldson:
00:23:16
will too, but I reached out for help, and you must reach out for
James Donaldson:
00:23:20
help. And so that's how I like to talk to them. And they
James Donaldson:
00:23:23
really, really, I'm more than just, you know, the school
James Donaldson:
00:23:26
counselor or the school principal holding the school
James Donaldson:
00:23:29
assembly, and they're just rolling their eyes over they see
James Donaldson:
00:23:33
me come through, and they're like, Wow, that's James. And you
James Donaldson:
00:23:36
know, he's, he's bigger than life. You know, he's right here.
James Donaldson:
00:23:40
And, and I have a whole new video that plays, and it's got
James Donaldson:
00:23:43
some little basketball highlights in there, but mainly
James Donaldson:
00:23:46
it's telling my story of how often the great heights I was at
James Donaldson:
00:23:49
to the great lows I went to, and then be able to work my body
James Donaldson:
00:23:53
back up. This is life, and it may happen to you, and if it
James Donaldson:
00:23:57
does, let's let's get you as best prepared as we can.
Lexi Burt:
00:24:02
I'm sure they really appreciate being spoken to
Lexi Burt:
00:24:06
straight up. Because I think, you know, just as we infantilize
Lexi Burt:
00:24:12
older adults, right, and talk to them like babies, and we talk to
Lexi Burt:
00:24:15
children like they don't really get it. They get it. They get
Lexi Burt:
00:24:18
it, and they want someone to talk to them respectfully, like
Lexi Burt:
00:24:23
an adult
James Donaldson:
00:24:23
That's exactly right. And my little video shows
James Donaldson:
00:24:27
that I actually went through these things, you know. So it's
James Donaldson:
00:24:29
not like I'm just talking and a little rah, rah, motivational,
James Donaldson:
00:24:33
inspirational, like I used to do way back in the day, before I
James Donaldson:
00:24:36
knew about this stuff. Now I'm in there with real life
James Donaldson:
00:24:39
experience and sharing that with them, backing it up with a nice
James Donaldson:
00:24:43
video to spray in. And they're really into it. And then I let
James Donaldson:
00:24:47
them ask questions, whatever questions they have. And a lot
James Donaldson:
00:24:49
of them, you know, kids being kids, they don't have the
James Donaldson:
00:24:53
filters on that US grown ups do.
Lexi Burt:
00:24:55
So what kind of, uh, questions, if you don't mind
Lexi Burt:
00:24:59
sharing. Or do you kind of like commonly receive, or what has
Lexi Burt:
00:25:03
been some surprising ones.
James Donaldson:
00:25:06
Well, you know, they asked me about, you know,
James Donaldson:
00:25:08
things like, number of ways I thought about killing myself,
James Donaldson:
00:25:12
and that's, it's still touchy this I'm getting emotional now.
James Donaldson:
00:25:17
It's still touchy to talk about those things, because that was a
James Donaldson:
00:25:22
place in my life and a whole different mindset I was in. I
James Donaldson:
00:25:28
would never think about that, no, but to think about the fact
James Donaldson:
00:25:32
that I thought about those things, I write about in my
James Donaldson:
00:25:35
book, and I tell people, Hey, I had my plan all planned out. All
James Donaldson:
00:25:40
I had to do was execute it. Every once while, I got that
James Donaldson:
00:25:44
impulsive voice in my head that kept telling me, James, go ahead
James Donaldson:
00:25:47
and do it. Just do it. You got it all mapped out. You got your
James Donaldson:
00:25:51
plan ready do it. And I'm like, Whoa. I gotta fight this voice
James Donaldson:
00:25:55
off. I gotta get this out of my head. And that was the toughest
James Donaldson:
00:25:59
part of that whole 12 month journey I went through to get
James Donaldson:
00:26:03
that little voice out of your head, especially at two or three
James Donaldson:
00:26:05
in the morning, when it hits you most, and when you're all by
James Donaldson:
00:26:08
yourself and you can't get back to sleep. So I share with these
James Donaldson:
00:26:13
kids that, hey, that's what I went through, and I don't have
James Donaldson:
00:26:17
anything holding back from you. And so, you know, we we talk
James Donaldson:
00:26:22
about it, we all, we have some laughs during the talk, but we
James Donaldson:
00:26:26
also have some tears and some crying. And most, so I end up
James Donaldson:
00:26:30
crying, but they're crying right along with me.
James Donaldson:
00:26:32
It sounds like, just like we were talking about, you know,
James Donaldson:
00:26:38
with professional athletes like these highs and the lows, right?
James Donaldson:
00:26:42
Even in your in your presentations with these kids,
James Donaldson:
00:26:45
there's the highs and the lows, and then it's like, how do we
James Donaldson:
00:26:48
get back to to equilibrium? Yeah, and it's, it's funny that
James Donaldson:
00:26:52
we're having this conversation. I always find in interviews I do
James Donaldson:
00:26:56
there's always a common theme that kind of ends up emerging
James Donaldson:
00:26:59
through our conversations. And this morning I was thinking
James Donaldson:
00:27:03
about, you know, I deal with a lot of chronic health, right?
James Donaldson:
00:27:06
And it was just like you were saying about suicide or even
James Donaldson:
00:27:09
depression, right? You look fine. You don't look sick. And I
James Donaldson:
00:27:13
think that happens a lot with some invisible chronic health
James Donaldson:
00:27:16
diseases. And I was thinking about how, I don't think it's
James Donaldson:
00:27:20
always avoiding those low points or trying to stay at all the
James Donaldson:
00:27:26
high points, but it's how do you get back back on the horse, once
James Donaldson:
00:27:30
things have, you know, gone awry, or once they've been
James Donaldson:
00:27:34
really good, because you're not going to stay up there the whole
James Donaldson:
00:27:36
time, but it's how do you bring yourself back to balance? And I
James Donaldson:
00:27:40
think that's a really underrated skill that we don't talk a lot
James Donaldson:
00:27:43
about, is getting back to equilibrium and kind of back to
James Donaldson:
00:27:47
that baseline. Yeah,yeah. And unfortunately, with so many of
James Donaldson:
00:27:51
us living socially isolated lives, we don't have a lot of
James Donaldson:
00:27:56
role models to emulate. We don't have a lot of mentors to walk us
James Donaldson:
00:28:00
through these things not readily available. We have to search
James Donaldson:
00:28:03
them out. Whereas growing up, back in the day, you know, we
James Donaldson:
00:28:06
had our parents, we had our neighbors, we had the village,
James Donaldson:
00:28:09
raising us, everybody was part of our life. Kids don't have
James Donaldson:
00:28:12
that anymore, and so it's really more on them. The onus is on the
James Donaldson:
00:28:17
kids to reach out for help and let people know they're not okay
James Donaldson:
00:28:21
at the moment, but we can get you back to being okay again
James Donaldson:
00:28:25
with some help.
Lexi Burt:
00:28:27
If your 25 year old self could sit in on one of
Lexi Burt:
00:28:31
these school talks today about mental health and suicide
Lexi Burt:
00:28:35
prevention. What do you think you would find surprising or
Lexi Burt:
00:28:38
even hard to believe?
James Donaldson:
00:28:41
Wow, that's I would have never imagined. I
James Donaldson:
00:28:45
would have gone through something like this. For one
James Donaldson:
00:28:47
thing, 25 I was on top of the world. I was in the NBA. I was
James Donaldson:
00:28:52
and run all day, jump all day. You know, everything was just
James Donaldson:
00:28:57
picture perfect. I couldn't have dreamed of better existence. But
James Donaldson:
00:29:00
you know, you never know how life is going to give you those
James Donaldson:
00:29:04
twists and turns or throw you that curveball that you you just
James Donaldson:
00:29:08
can't, can't even get the bat off your shoulder to hit it and
James Donaldson:
00:29:14
and what can you like and turn upside down in a moment. What I
James Donaldson:
00:29:17
tell other folks about me is that, you know, you don't have
James Donaldson:
00:29:20
to do a lot of bad things for bad things that happen in life
James Donaldson:
00:29:23
sometimes lacks just happens, especially when it's health
James Donaldson:
00:29:26
related or financial related, relationship related. I mean,
James Donaldson:
00:29:31
people go through breakouts and divorces all the time. There's a
James Donaldson:
00:29:34
lot of heartbreak with that. So there's a lot of things we can't
James Donaldson:
00:29:38
control, but there's a whole bunch of things in life we can't
James Donaldson:
00:29:41
control, and so you'll have to just be able to hang on that
James Donaldson:
00:29:45
little piece that you can control and make sure that
James Donaldson:
00:29:48
you're you're the best you you can be at that moment, get
James Donaldson:
00:29:51
through whatever you're going through
Lexi Burt:
00:29:53
That's well put that makes me think of this story a
Lexi Burt:
00:29:57
client shared with me the other day. She's a fertility client.
Lexi Burt:
00:29:59
Client trying to achieve pregnancy and had a miscarriage,
Lexi Burt:
00:30:03
and she's a NICU nurse, and she had to take some time off right
Lexi Burt:
00:30:07
from work, but you still got to go back to your job seeing
Lexi Burt:
00:30:10
babies. How devastating, right? And I said, Wow, that must have
Lexi Burt:
00:30:16
been really hard. How did you manage that time? And she said
Lexi Burt:
00:30:19
it was quite healing for her, because she realized we can
Lexi Burt:
00:30:23
control these things that we can do, we can eat healthy, we can
Lexi Burt:
00:30:27
be kind and be generous. Can exercise, you know, be socially
Lexi Burt:
00:30:32
involved. But there's this other aspect that we can't control,
Lexi Burt:
00:30:37
and she said she realized that when she saw babies come in who
Lexi Burt:
00:30:40
are addicted to heroin. The mother never had prenatal care,
Lexi Burt:
00:30:45
but the babies were full term healthy. And then there was the
Lexi Burt:
00:30:49
parents who did all of the prenatal care. They were eating
Lexi Burt:
00:30:52
healthy before trying to conceive, and their baby, you
Lexi Burt:
00:30:56
know, was ill upon delivery, and she said, that's when she
Lexi Burt:
00:31:00
realized that there's this, this thing that we can't quite
Lexi Burt:
00:31:05
control, and that's okay. We can do our best and control the
Lexi Burt:
00:31:10
things that we can, but there's just things that happen.
James Donaldson:
00:31:15
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life does happen. And you
James Donaldson:
00:31:18
know, you don't have to be a drug addict or alcoholic or
James Donaldson:
00:31:22
doing devastating things to your life, and bad things happen to
James Donaldson:
00:31:25
them too. But when you're doing the best you can to be the best
James Donaldson:
00:31:28
you can, and things still happen. It seems like Life's not
James Donaldson:
00:31:32
fair sometime. But you know, these are the challenges that
James Donaldson:
00:31:36
come with the journey that we're on, and that's challenges to
James Donaldson:
00:31:39
make it through, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep
James Donaldson:
00:31:43
on going.
Lexi Burt:
00:31:44
James, were you this empathetic before your mental
Lexi Burt:
00:31:48
health crisis? Or do you feel like you developed a lot more
Lexi Burt:
00:31:51
empathy? Because I feel like you're very intuitive and kind
Lexi Burt:
00:31:56
person.
James Donaldson:
00:31:57
Yeah, well, much more than ever before. Much
James Donaldson:
00:32:00
more empathetic, much more sympathetic, after going through
James Donaldson:
00:32:03
what I've gone through, you know, being an athlete, I was
James Donaldson:
00:32:06
very competitive. So I was one of the guys. I pushed myself. I
James Donaldson:
00:32:10
pushed the rest of the guys. You know, we rear each other if we
James Donaldson:
00:32:14
start crying or you fall down, or you double over it, because
James Donaldson:
00:32:17
you got to hit in the stomach, you know, hey, no, you don't do
James Donaldson:
00:32:20
that. You just keep on playing it. Don't worry about it. I
James Donaldson:
00:32:24
learned a whole bunch going through my mental health
James Donaldson:
00:32:27
experience, because now I see how people who talk about mental
James Donaldson:
00:32:34
health challenges how they feel or how they must feel, I
James Donaldson:
00:32:38
empathize with them right away, whether it's, you know, dealing
James Donaldson:
00:32:43
with bullying at school or going through a divorce or financial I
James Donaldson:
00:32:49
mean, I've been through most of these things already, and I know
James Donaldson:
00:32:53
intuitively now how they must be feeling. And I encourage them to
James Donaldson:
00:32:58
talk to me about it, or talk to somebody about it? Because, hey,
James Donaldson:
00:33:02
it's the loneliest film in the world when you're on that mental
James Donaldson:
00:33:05
health Island, that mental health challenge Island, all by
James Donaldson:
00:33:08
yourself, because you feel like you're all by yourself. You know
James Donaldson:
00:33:12
you.
Lexi Burt:
00:33:13
Your mind tricks you. It lies to you as in fact,
Lexi Burt:
00:33:16
actually it says nobody wants to help you, nobody wants to listen
Lexi Burt:
00:33:20
to you, so you just keep it to yourself, but it's a lie. Yes,
James Donaldson:
00:33:26
yes, yeah. It is a lie, yeah. And you feel
James Donaldson:
00:33:29
like actually nobody cares. I mean, my little video I show the
James Donaldson:
00:33:33
kids, I'm sitting there, I talk about my scenario, talking with
James Donaldson:
00:33:37
my family physician, sitting six feet away from him. And he said,
James Donaldson:
00:33:42
James, if you take your life, people are going to miss you,
James Donaldson:
00:33:44
people going to people care about you. People love you. And
James Donaldson:
00:33:47
I look back at him as serious can be. I said, Doc, nobody's
James Donaldson:
00:33:50
going to miss me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody loves me. And
James Donaldson:
00:33:54
that's exactly how I felt. Now I know better. Now I know people
James Donaldson:
00:34:00
love me, people care about me, people don't miss me. But back
James Donaldson:
00:34:03
then, 2018 I was ready to check out any day
Lexi Burt:
00:34:10
Going through any sort of mental health crisis,
Lexi Burt:
00:34:14
especially an elongated one. You develop skills, right and things
Lexi Burt:
00:34:18
to add to your toolbox. What's something in your toolbox now
Lexi Burt:
00:34:22
that really supports you when things get tough?
James Donaldson:
00:34:25
Yeah, well, I keep my face going. My faith in
James Donaldson:
00:34:28
God is really paramount. You know, they nightly prayers to
James Donaldson:
00:34:34
the man upstairs. Journaling is a big part of my day. Every
James Donaldson:
00:34:38
night I journal how my day went so I can recollect these
James Donaldson:
00:34:43
experiences months down the road, years down the road, and
James Donaldson:
00:34:47
also having a good friend or two nearby, almost on a daily basis,
James Donaldson:
00:34:52
making sure that I can talk with them, that can be with them,
James Donaldson:
00:34:55
that can share with them what I'm going through. I've got two
James Donaldson:
00:34:59
or three. Little groups of men friends that we meet a Tuesday
James Donaldson:
00:35:04
group, there's a Thursday group, there's a Saturday group. We
James Donaldson:
00:35:07
meet for breakfast and to be able to talk with guys,
James Donaldson:
00:35:10
especially, you know, guys, guys are a little different when the
James Donaldson:
00:35:14
women aren't around. You know, yeah, who can actually lay it
James Donaldson:
00:35:17
out there and talk? And that's that's so helpful for me and for
James Donaldson:
00:35:20
them too.
Lexi Burt:
00:35:22
Well, what would you tell young men these days? I'm
Lexi Burt:
00:35:24
curious on finding those groups or those connections, because,
Lexi Burt:
00:35:29
again, like we were talking about with the kids and even us
Lexi Burt:
00:35:32
as adults, it's so easy to get sucked into this isolation and
Lexi Burt:
00:35:37
just being online playing video games, and especially for young
Lexi Burt:
00:35:41
men in North America, again, it's, it's a common trend where
Lexi Burt:
00:35:45
there's this more, yeah, isolation and internalization.
Lexi Burt:
00:35:49
What would you say to those young men? Well,
James Donaldson:
00:35:52
I encourage them to make sure they have a
James Donaldson:
00:35:53
good friend in their life. Most men are lone wolves. You know,
James Donaldson:
00:35:57
we go at it by ourselves. We end up isolated. We might give a
James Donaldson:
00:36:02
relationship a good try, but if it works great, if it doesn't
James Donaldson:
00:36:06
well, you're out there hitting the bars the single seal and
James Donaldson:
00:36:09
strip joints and the gambling halls and all these detrimental
James Donaldson:
00:36:13
behaviors that just don't serve you well. And that's because he
James Donaldson:
00:36:16
doesn't really have a good a good friend in his life that you
James Donaldson:
00:36:20
can lean on and talk to. And so that's the most important thing.
James Donaldson:
00:36:25
I was blessed, and still am blessed, to have tremendous role
James Donaldson:
00:36:28
models in my life, most of my old basketball coaches, who are
James Donaldson:
00:36:33
20 years older than I am. They're in their mid 80s, now
James Donaldson:
00:36:35
late 80s, and I still talk with them all the time. And you know,
James Donaldson:
00:36:40
they helped me tremendously, just by their experience, by
James Donaldson:
00:36:43
their wisdom, by their encouragement to keep on hanging
James Donaldson:
00:36:47
in there. I remember my old university coach told me, he
James Donaldson:
00:36:50
said, Hey, his slice didn't really turn for the better. Even
James Donaldson:
00:36:52
though he was a very successful college basketball coach, he
James Donaldson:
00:36:56
really hit success when he hit 63, years of age. And he says,
James Donaldson:
00:37:00
days you haven't got started yet. I'm like, wow, you know?
James Donaldson:
00:37:03
And it gives something to look forward to. It gives you
James Donaldson:
00:37:07
something to say, Wow, I get to that point and boom, life can
James Donaldson:
00:37:11
see. It's never too late. Life can be so much better as we keep
James Donaldson:
00:37:14
on plugging away and keep on working at it.
Lexi Burt:
00:37:17
I love that 63 you know? That gives a lot of years
Lexi Burt:
00:37:21
to to look forward to.
James Donaldson:
00:37:24
He went, he went to work for Nike, and
James Donaldson:
00:37:26
became a big Nike, Nike, global ambassador for Nike, one of Phil
James Donaldson:
00:37:30
Knight's right hand men. And I mean, he, and he had a
James Donaldson:
00:37:34
successful coaching career for 40 years, but he never really
James Donaldson:
00:37:39
got to to the highest height of coaching, winning championships,
James Donaldson:
00:37:43
and then he moves over to Nike, and, boom, his whole world
James Donaldson:
00:37:46
opened up.
Lexi Burt:
00:37:48
That's so cool. That is so cool. I mean, on that note
Lexi Burt:
00:37:52
too, you said you were once the guy who had it all a career, the
Lexi Burt:
00:37:57
success businesses. How do you define having it all now, and
Lexi Burt:
00:38:02
has that definition changed? Kind of post depression?
James Donaldson:
00:38:06
Well, you know, I was never very materialistic,
James Donaldson:
00:38:09
even though I did have material trappings, you know, but I
James Donaldson:
00:38:12
didn't have multiple cars and multiple houses and multiple
James Donaldson:
00:38:16
everything. I had a nice car, had a nice house at a wonderful
James Donaldson:
00:38:20
wife, but you know, my back then I, I think again, my identity
James Donaldson:
00:38:26
defined me so much. I was a former professional NBA player,
James Donaldson:
00:38:31
I was a business owner, I was a community leader. I was very
James Donaldson:
00:38:35
involved with, you know, everything in town, and so that
James Donaldson:
00:38:40
all kind of went away when I went through my depression, I
James Donaldson:
00:38:42
kind of retracted somewhat on my own, and I just didn't feel like
James Donaldson:
00:38:47
those things were still at my, at my within my reach. And so
James Donaldson:
00:38:52
I've been able to come back out and remake myself, minus the
James Donaldson:
00:38:55
house, minus the money, minus the out the wives, minus the
James Donaldson:
00:39:00
family, mine is everything, except for my own sense of who I
James Donaldson:
00:39:04
am and what my new purpose in life is, and the purpose of
James Donaldson:
00:39:08
something, you just get up in the morning. You're just going
James Donaldson:
00:39:11
at it. You just, I mean, like I did with basketball, like it did
James Donaldson:
00:39:14
with business, like I've done with everything, running my GIFT
James Donaldson:
00:39:19
of Life Foundation and helping people with mental health
James Donaldson:
00:39:23
challenges is right, really my new passion, and it's something
James Donaldson:
00:39:27
I get up in the morning. I'm raring to go. I'm shooting my
James Donaldson:
00:39:30
blogs off. I'm doing my social media posts, I'm speaking at
James Donaldson:
00:39:34
schools. I'm everywhere, doing this kind of thing. And that's
James Donaldson:
00:39:38
my true sense of my new passion, my new purpose, and that's the
James Donaldson:
00:39:42
title of my book, celebrating a gift from the verge of suicide
James Donaldson:
00:39:46
back to a life of purpose and joy, purpose and joy.
Lexi Burt:
00:39:52
Have you heard of the term, Japanese term, ikigai? I
Lexi Burt:
00:39:56
don't think so. It's basically that thing that. Gets you up in
Lexi Burt:
00:40:00
the morning, that thing that gives you energy and gives you
Lexi Burt:
00:40:03
purpose, and we all need to have that icky guy in our lives, or
Lexi Burt:
00:40:08
else. What's the point, right? If you don't have that thing
Lexi Burt:
00:40:12
driving you?
James Donaldson:
00:40:13
Yeah, that's exactly right. No, that's so
James Donaldson:
00:40:15
true. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't have a purpose
James Donaldson:
00:40:19
in life. I mean, they get up, they, you know, they punch the
James Donaldson:
00:40:22
clock at work from eight to five, they go back home that,
James Donaldson:
00:40:25
you know, in commuting traffic for an hour or two. They just
James Donaldson:
00:40:31
don't realize they don't really have much of a purpose. And, and
James Donaldson:
00:40:34
I think it's, it's paramount to find a reason that you're here.
James Donaldson:
00:40:39
What? What are you going to make of this existence that we all
James Donaldson:
00:40:42
have for these 7080, 90 years, whatever you're going to be
James Donaldson:
00:40:46
here, you got to make them count, because they do go by
James Donaldson:
00:40:48
pretty quickly.
Lexi Burt:
00:40:50
Yeah, and you know, like, I think just people going
Lexi Burt:
00:40:53
through a mental health experience, you really learn to
Lexi Burt:
00:40:59
figure out, okay, what? What do I want to make my purpose
Lexi Burt:
00:41:02
because we aren't just predestined to something. You
Lexi Burt:
00:41:05
get to choose, and it doesn't have to be something grand you
Lexi Burt:
00:41:09
don't have to be like my purpose is to only be an NBA player, and
Lexi Burt:
00:41:13
that's it. It could be to tend to the garden in your yard,
Lexi Burt:
00:41:17
right? To be a caretaker of plans like, it doesn't have to
Lexi Burt:
00:41:21
be something so successful and extreme, but just something that
Lexi Burt:
00:41:25
when you wake up in the morning, you're like, I get to do that.
Lexi Burt:
00:41:29
And I think that's so exciting. That's
James Donaldson:
00:41:31
right, whatever brings you joy, that purpose and
James Donaldson:
00:41:34
joy is success for everybody, and it's everybody. So find,
James Donaldson:
00:41:40
find what that is, pursue it and do it with gusto.
Lexi Burt:
00:41:44
I love it so James, when you walk into a school or
Lexi Burt:
00:41:48
youth group now, what do you hope young people hear most
Lexi Burt:
00:41:52
clearly from your story? What do you say to them that makes them
Lexi Burt:
00:41:56
start stop scrolling and start listening?
James Donaldson:
00:42:00
Well, you know, being lower, seven feet tall,
James Donaldson:
00:42:03
all eyes are on me when I walk into a middle school. That was
James Donaldson:
00:42:09
good. That's a good, a good attention grabber. You know,
James Donaldson:
00:42:12
itself I command command attention when I get in there.
James Donaldson:
00:42:16
But I think, more than anything, because there's some of these
James Donaldson:
00:42:19
stereotypes that come with professional athletes. You know,
James Donaldson:
00:42:22
you live in a big gated mansion up on the hill, away from
James Donaldson:
00:42:26
everybody else. You've got half a dozen cars in the driveway.
James Donaldson:
00:42:30
There's stereotypes Money, money that's just flowing off of you.
James Donaldson:
00:42:34
Well, that's true for a few, a very few, guys, but not most of
James Donaldson:
00:42:38
the guys and the kids buying that too, because you see it all
James Donaldson:
00:42:41
on social media. This is what they think and they believe. And
James Donaldson:
00:42:45
so I went to show them that, yes, I was very, very good
James Donaldson:
00:42:48
basketball player. I was very successful at it, but, you know,
James Donaldson:
00:42:52
along came some serious medical issues that really derailed me
James Donaldson:
00:42:56
in my life, and I put myself back on the track of getting
James Donaldson:
00:43:01
back on my feet again. And these things happen in life. You know,
James Donaldson:
00:43:05
nothing's guaranteed, so I show them that, hey, I had it all.
James Donaldson:
00:43:10
I'm working on rebuilding that all again. I'm making some good
James Donaldson:
00:43:14
progress doing that. And you guys, you kids, can do the same.
James Donaldson:
00:43:18
So no matter what you're going through right now. You might be
James Donaldson:
00:43:21
bullied, you might be laughed at, you might feel awkward and
James Donaldson:
00:43:24
socially inept. Keep going through it. Be the best you can
James Donaldson:
00:43:29
be a little bit better tomorrow.
Lexi Burt:
00:43:32
There you go. I think, yeah, you made a good
Lexi Burt:
00:43:34
point. Your fight makes people stop. The kid stops
James Donaldson:
00:43:39
That's too. That really does that's
Lexi Burt:
00:43:41
a good one. James, if people have questions or want to
Lexi Burt:
00:43:44
learn more about you or connect with you, where's the best place
Lexi Burt:
00:43:47
that they can do that?
James Donaldson:
00:43:49
Best place you can catch up with me is through
James Donaldson:
00:43:51
my foundation, which is your gift of life.org, which is my
James Donaldson:
00:43:55
website. My email address is James D, like Donaldson. James T
James Donaldson:
00:43:58
at your gift of life.org. Please shoot me an email. I always
James Donaldson:
00:44:02
respond to them. I've even got a secondary phone number up there
James Donaldson:
00:44:06
that I answer, and if people need to talk to me, need to call
James Donaldson:
00:44:09
me. I always put this out for the guys that are listening,
James Donaldson:
00:44:13
because a lot of these guys, they do call, you know, they
James Donaldson:
00:44:16
won't talk to their girlfriend or their wife or their doctor,
James Donaldson:
00:44:20
but they want to talk to me. I'm like, Cool, hey, let's talk. And
James Donaldson:
00:44:24
I've helped a lot of them back from the verge of suicide and
James Donaldson:
00:44:27
just really throwing their lives away. So guys, if you're
James Donaldson:
00:44:31
listening out there and you need somebody to talk to give me a
James Donaldson:
00:44:34
call. I'd be more than happy to talk with you so you can reach
James Donaldson:
00:44:38
out to me on those couple means my book is available on the
James Donaldson:
00:44:42
website as well. You're celebrating your gift of life. I
James Donaldson:
00:44:45
personally autographed and signed everyone and dropped it
James Donaldson:
00:44:48
back in the mail to you. So get it through my link, or you can
James Donaldson:
00:44:52
pick it up on Amazon, or, you know, Books a Million, or Barnes
James Donaldson:
00:44:56
Noble and all the rest of those things too. They're not the.
James Donaldson:
00:44:59
Nice little note in there for you, but I will,
Lexi Burt:
00:45:04
so go to the website. Is what he's saying. I'll have
Lexi Burt:
00:45:08
all of that linked up in the show notes if listeners want to
Lexi Burt:
00:45:12
connect or touch base. And thank you so much for blessing us with
Lexi Burt:
00:45:16
this conversation. James
Unknown:
00:45:18
Lexi, this has been fabulous. Thank you so so very
Unknown:
00:45:21
much. It's it's been a real pleasure. I yeah, I never know
Unknown:
00:45:24
what to expect when I'm coming on somebody's somebody's show.
Unknown:
00:45:27
But hey, this is just fantastic. It worked out perfectly. Thank
Unknown:
00:45:31
you.
Lexi Burt:
00:45:35
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I
Lexi Burt:
00:45:38
hope you feel inspired and empowered to embrace your whole
Lexi Burt:
00:45:41
self in mind, body and spirit. If you're ready to take the next
Lexi Burt:
00:45:46
step in understanding your fertility or women's health
Lexi Burt:
00:45:48
needs, I would love to support you. Book a free consult with
Lexi Burt:
00:45:52
me, and Together, we'll explore how we can work towards your
Lexi Burt:
00:45:56
healthiest, most vibrant self until next time, take care you.