We’re often contacted early in the New Year by people who have spent Christmas with their older loved ones and noticed increased frailty in the older person. This can be quite confronting and lead to some distress and uncertainty about what they should do.

Don’t panic. Enjoy your celebrations together and then start some gentle conversations about getting some help at home and what that might look like. These are not easy conversations so pick a quiet time and be prepared to listen to and support the older person.

 In this episode:

• This is our 35th episode and the last one for 2024
• The family gathering at Christmas and what you might notice
• Is your loved one getting frailer?
• When to broach this subject
• Enjoy Christmas and leave this conversation for another time
• Suggestions for gifts for your older loved one
• Spending time with your loved ones is the ultimate gift
• We’re offering podcast sponsorship in 2025
• Next episode is on Tuesday, Feb 4, 2025

Resources mentioned:

• Let’s Talk Consultation https://seemeacn.com.au/lets-talk-consultation/
• Podcast page for sponsorship proposal

Connect with Coral Wilkinson: 

• Instagram 
• Facebook
• LinkedIn 
• Guiding you through My Aged Care | SeeMeACN website

  

More about Your Aged Care Compass podcast: 

Are you supporting an older loved one at home and ready to give up because it’s just too hard? Your Aged Care Compass is aimed at anyone who is caring for an older loved one who still lives at home and is wondering what support is available to them.

We're Coral and Michelle, the sisters behind our business, See Me Aged Care Navigators.

Coral is a registered nurse with over 30 years’ experience in both health and aged care. A former assessor with the aged care assessment team, an advocate and author, there’s not much Coral doesn’t know about Australia’s aged care system.

Michelle is a former pharmacist with over 30 years in the public health and private sectors of pharmacy. Michelle is now client care manager for our business. 

Our story started as one of supporting our parents to remain in their own home, to be as independent as possible and remain connected to their community. We reached a point however, of needing extra support and we achieved this because we know Australia’s aged care system so well, we knew what programs could assist us and our parents.

This podcast, Your Aged Care Compass, brings together not only our personal experience in supporting our own ageing parents but also our vast professional experience in supporting other families to keep their loved ones at home. 

We will help you makes sense of Australia’s aged care system, from your first contact with My Aged Care through to the different funding streams and assessment workforces, management options for home care packages and extra funding that people might be eligible for.

There's so much more. Topics relating to dementia and legal and financial considerations will be covered, as well as real life stories of where it went wrong for people and how we guided them to get it right.

 

Your Aged Care Compass will guide you clearly and compassionately to the right support at the right time for your ageing parents and loved ones. 

Like what you hear? Please leave us a Rating and Review. We’d love you to share this podcast with any friends or family who have older loved ones.

Michelle: 00:00:32

welcome listeners.

2

: 00:00:33

I'm Michelle, and it's great

to have you listening in on our

3

: 00:00:36

35th episode of the podcast.

4

: 00:00:39

For those of you who have tuned in

for the first time, For those of you

5

: 00:00:44

who have only recently come across

our podcast, we launched your Aged

6

: 00:00:48

Care Compass podcast in May this year.

7

: 00:00:52

Our goal was to bring an educational and

empowering discussion to the community,

8

: 00:00:57

enlightening people about all the topics

they need to consider to age well at home.

9

: 00:01:02

Our episodes have dropped every

Tuesday since May, and there's been

10

: 00:01:06

no shortage of topics to talk about.

11

: 00:01:09

In fact, your feedback has guided us to

discuss the topics you've asked for most.

12

: 00:01:16

We've talked about some heavier

topics in the past few weeks, namely

13

: 00:01:20

about dementia and moving a loved

one into an aged care facility.

14

: 00:01:25

Being our last episode for 2024,

we're going to end on a lighter note.

15

: 00:01:31

But before we chat about what that

is, we did want to cover a topic

16

: 00:01:35

we're asked about every year.

17

: 00:01:38

Usually in January, when people contact

us after they've spent Christmas

18

: 00:01:42

with their older loved ones and are

shocked to see their decline since

19

: 00:01:47

the last time they were together.

20

: 00:01:49

Coral, I'll pass the microphone to

you and let you talk for a bit about

21

: 00:01:54

what can happen at Christmastime

when everyone gets together and then

22

: 00:01:58

what people ask us in the new year.

23

: 00:02:01

After they've considered how much

frailer their older loved one has become.

24

: 00:02:07

Coral: Thanks, Shel.

25

: 00:02:08

Yes, look, one thing we see each year,

and one of the reasons people make contact

26

: 00:02:13

with us early, you know, every new year,

is that they've been home for Christmas,

27

: 00:02:19

and they literally have been shocked

at the decline in an older loved one.

28

: 00:02:24

It causes a lot of concern, and

people contact us in a state

29

: 00:02:28

of panic about what to do.

30

: 00:02:32

Michelle: Explain what happens

in this scenario, Coral.

31

: 00:02:36

Coral: Everyone is gathering for the

annual family get together at Christmas.

32

: 00:02:41

All the siblings and the partners,

and that in itself can be anxiety

33

: 00:02:46

producing, as we know these kind

of big family gatherings can

34

: 00:02:49

be difficult for some families.

35

: 00:02:52

And Christmas brings with it its own

set of expectations, which frankly

36

: 00:02:56

aren't always achievable or realistic.

37

: 00:03:00

So Christmas lunch or dinner is

convened at someone's home, maybe the

38

: 00:03:04

elderly parent's home, and everyone

arrives to make the day special.

39

: 00:03:09

Family members cook so that the

elderly mum or dad don't have to.

40

: 00:03:14

It's all going beautifully until

Mum or Dad begin repeating the same

41

: 00:03:18

conversation or asking the same questions.

42

: 00:03:22

Someone will say, you've already asked

that question Mum, and it will be laughed

43

: 00:03:26

off until another few minutes later

when Mum asks the same question again.

44

: 00:03:32

Or Dad makes the same comment

about the neighbours again.

45

: 00:03:37

Or, you know, when everyone

arrives for the Christmas

46

: 00:03:39

party, the house is in disarray.

47

: 00:03:42

There are piles of newspapers or shopping

bags piled up in the spare bedroom, or

48

: 00:03:48

mum and dad are wearing soiled clothing.

49

: 00:03:52

And then an uncomfortable feeling

settles across the conversation

50

: 00:03:56

and whispered discussion about

how mum and dad are coping begins.

51

: 00:04:01

Michelle: What happens next, Coral?

52

: 00:04:04

Coral: What we've become aware of,

Cheryl, is that some family members

53

: 00:04:06

want to find out what's going on right

there and then, and then there are

54

: 00:04:10

some family members who don't want to.

55

: 00:04:14

Michelle: What do you think is the

best way of approaching this situation?

56

: 00:04:19

Coral: I really think this is

the kind of conversation that's

57

: 00:04:22

best left for another time.

58

: 00:04:25

I think it's more important to

enjoy the gathering rather than

59

: 00:04:28

instigating a confrontation about

why mum and dad aren't coping.

60

: 00:04:33

And it is often a

confrontation that happens.

61

: 00:04:37

Christmas Day is not the day to

have this kind of discussion.

62

: 00:04:41

Michelle: Absolutely.

63

: 00:04:43

And this is where we're often contacted

by people in the new year, recounting

64

: 00:04:48

their own experience of this kind of

situation, and stressed about what to do.

65

: 00:04:53

Coral: That's right, shell.

66

: 00:04:54

But it's okay.

67

: 00:04:55

It can be confronting to see how

an older loved one has declined

68

: 00:04:59

cognitively or functionally when

we haven't seen them for a while.

69

: 00:05:04

What I want people listening to this

episode to realize is that if this turns

70

: 00:05:09

out to being your experience of the

Christmas get together, not to panic.

71

: 00:05:14

It's okay.

72

: 00:05:15

And from this recognition, then you can

begin to work out what you're going to

73

: 00:05:20

do about having the conversation with

mum or dad about what you've seen.

74

: 00:05:24

And this, isn't always an

easy conversation to have.

75

: 00:05:28

And from there, you can begin

planning or introducing help at home.

76

: 00:05:35

Michelle: Great advice, Coral.

77

: 00:05:38

what we want to end this episode with, how

we wanted to wrap up this year, is another

78

: 00:05:45

question we see across social media, or

we're asked by our clients and friends.

79

: 00:05:50

And that is, what kind of

gift can I get for mum or dad?

80

: 00:05:56

Coral: Yes.

81

: 00:05:56

So we've had to become a little creative

with gift giving for mom, mainly because

82

: 00:06:02

if she ever needs anything, we buy it.

83

: 00:06:05

And also because she doesn't

really need anything else.

84

: 00:06:10

But Christmas is special and so is Mum.

85

: 00:06:13

So what I do is I, this year, I've

bought a couple of tickets to a

86

: 00:06:18

show that I'll be taking Mum to

when it's on later in the year.

87

: 00:06:23

So in March we are going to see

a Neil Diamond tribute show.

88

: 00:06:29

thankfully Mum won't be listening to this

podcast so I haven't blown the surprise.

89

: 00:06:33

Other things I've done for Mum is

design a personalised calendar for her.

90

: 00:06:40

Or our other sister makes wall

hangings using family photos that

91

: 00:06:44

have been taken throughout the year.

92

: 00:06:47

Other things we've done are buying a

low maintenance plant or an orchid.

93

: 00:06:54

buying a gift certificate for

a nice restaurant and then

94

: 00:06:57

taking mum out for dinner.

95

: 00:06:59

new clothes.

96

: 00:07:00

In fact, mum is also getting three new

dresses for Christmas this year as well.

97

: 00:07:07

Previously, I've also given mum a

subscription for a magazine for the year.

98

: 00:07:13

And, you know, shall my kids ask me what

I want for Christmas every year as well?

99

: 00:07:18

And honestly, spending time with

them is, all that I really want.

100

: 00:07:22

Um, you know, throw in a nice

cocktail and a board game.

101

: 00:07:27

and that's.

102

: 00:07:28

what I want, you know, that will

make me happy for Christmas.

103

: 00:07:30

So giving your time, making the time

to spend with your older loved ones,

104

: 00:07:35

I think is actually the ultimate gift.

105

: 00:07:39

Michelle: Yep, I totally agree.

106

: 00:07:41

But they are fabulous, all

fabulous suggestions, Coral.

107

: 00:07:46

Listeners, that brings almost to

the close of both this episode

108

: 00:07:51

and our podcast for 2024.

109

: 00:07:53

But there's one exciting thing

that we wanted to say before

110

: 00:07:57

we sign off for the year.

111

: 00:07:59

We're introducing something new with

our podcast next year, the opportunity

112

: 00:08:04

for sponsorship of the podcast.

113

: 00:08:07

Coral, could you explain this further?

114

: 00:08:10

Coral: That's right, Shell.

115

: 00:08:11

We're inviting purpose led

organizations and individuals to align

116

: 00:08:15

with us on the podcast next year.

117

: 00:08:18

So that will be sponsorship and

it will be for a four week period.

118

: 00:08:23

, the sponsor of those four episodes will

be offered a guest spot to, You know, talk

119

: 00:08:29

about their why, why they do what they do

and to talk about the organization that

120

: 00:08:35

they work for or the service that they

provide that is making a difference to

121

: 00:08:40

older people receiving aged care services.

122

: 00:08:43

And then, of course, that sponsor

will have their branding across our

123

: 00:08:48

podcast, our website, and in our email

newsletter that goes out every month.

124

: 00:08:54

We're lining up, our guest speakers as

we speak, and the themes we're curating

125

: 00:08:59

for next year are really exciting.

126

: 00:09:03

There'll be limited opportunity for the

sponsorship, given that the period of

127

: 00:09:07

sponsorship is for four weeks, and the

duration of the podcast is, uh, a year.

128

: 00:09:13

So we are already locking in some

absolutely wonderful organizations.

129

: 00:09:20

you're listening to this and thinking

you'd like to be part of the podcast for

130

: 00:09:24

2025, you can download the sponsorship

proposal from our podcast webpage.

131

: 00:09:32

And even though we'll be on our

Christmas break, I'll be working

132

: 00:09:35

on the podcast in the background.

133

: 00:09:37

So don't hesitate to contact

us and secure your spot.

134

: 00:09:42

We're recording next year's

episodes from mid January and, they

135

: 00:09:48

will be ready to go at relaunch

on Tuesday, the 4th of February.

136

: 00:09:53

Michelle: I can't wait for next year.

137

: 00:09:55

And I know who you have been lining up

as guests, Coral, and it's impressive.

138

: 00:10:01

On that note, we have

a small favour to ask.

139

: 00:10:05

If you're listening to us on Apple,

we'd love you to leave a review for us.

140

: 00:10:10

Or if you're listening on

Spotify, you can rate the show.

141

: 00:10:14

We would really appreciate your kind words

about your Aged Care Compass podcast.

142

: 00:10:20

It's been our pleasure to have

you join us each week, everyone.

143

: 00:10:24

We hope your time with your

families over the festive season

144

: 00:10:27

is special and may the coming year

bring you health and contentment.

145

: 00:10:33

Until February next year, take care.