If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it, apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or changed your opinion halfway through a conversation just to keep the peace, this episode is for you. The fawn response is one of the least understood nervous system patterns and one of the most invisible. It looks like being easygoing, warm and accommodating. From the outside it can be indistinguishable from kindness. The cost of it is paid quietly, and over time.
What this episode covers
What the fawn response is and how it sits alongside fight, flight and freeze as a distinct nervous system pattern
The research behind it including Pete Walker's clinical work and what polyvagal theory adds to our understanding
How fawning shows up day to day: constant apologising, abandoning your opinions mid-conversation, shape shifting between social groups, and checking behaviours in relationships
Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person and how it gets culturally rewarded, particularly for women
Where the fawn response comes from and why it almost always starts in childhood
What fawning is actually costing you: chronic low-level resentment, disconnection, and a gradual loss of your own sense of self and preferences
The difference between fawning and genuine kindness, and the body test that tells you which one you're doing
Whether fawning is always a trauma response
What to actually do about it, starting with low-stakes moments and one phrase that changes everything
Whether the fawn response goes away once you recognise it
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
1:00 What the fawn response is and where the research comes from
3:00 Fight, flight, freeze and fawn explained
4:30 How fawning shows up in everyday life
10:00 Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person
12:00 Where the fawn response comes from
16:00 Why fawning rather than fight or flight
19:00 What it's actually costing you
22:00 How fawning creates distance not closeness
23:00 What to actually do about it
26:00 Low-stakes practice
30:00 When to seek support
31:00 Q&A: Is fawning the same as people pleasing?
32:00 Q&A: Is fawning always a trauma response?
33:00 Q&A: How do I know if I'm fawning or just being nice?
35:00 Q&A: Can fawning develop in adulthood?
36:30 Q&A: Does fawning go away once you recognise it?
Keep the Conversation Going
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