Ever wondered why your teen sometimes seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster? In this episode, I tackle a question that’s close to home for many parents: Why does my teen seem so moody? Instead of brushing it off as "just a phase," I explore what’s really going on for teens emotionally and mentally, from hormonal changes to the social pressures they face every day. If you've ever been met with a slammed door or an eye-roll, this episode will help you understand the bigger picture and respond in ways that support them.
I share insights into brain development, social dynamics, and how to create a supportive environment at home. This is all about building connections and helping teens feel understood rather than dismissed.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding that teen moodiness isn’t just “acting out”; it’s a response to many factors, including brain development and social pressures.
The impact of fluctuating hormones on emotions and behaviour, and how this is a natural part of growing up.
Recognising signs of overwhelm in teens and the importance of timing and tone when discussing sensitive topics.
Why criticism or constant reminders can feel like “nagging” to teens and might lead to defensiveness.
Balancing giving teens independence while staying available for support and guidance.
The importance of modelling emotional regulation as a parent, as teens learn by observing how we handle our emotions.
Simple, actionable steps to connect with your teen without pushing them away, like avoiding overloading them with questions.
Ways to validate your teen’s feelings, even if you may not agree, and how to create a safe space for them to express themselves.
Resources:
Connected Teens™ Course – My on-demand course designed to help parents connect with their teens.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future episode, reach out via the link in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you and explore the topics that matter most to you and your family.
[00:00:07]Marie Vakakis: If you've been met with eye rolls, slammed doors or emotional outbursts, it can feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. moodiness in teens is not just about being difficult. It's part of a much bigger picture. And I actually don't like saying moody because I think it can really set someone up to fail.
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[00:00:32]Marie Vakakis: So let's try and understand what's happening. Teenage years are a time of rapid change. Like so much is happening. Hormones are fluctuating. The brains are still developing. They're navigating social pressures and independent, and this can often lead to emotional ups and downs that are really common during this phase of life.
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[00:01:05]Marie Vakakis: It could be overwhelm, it could be anxiety. It could be a lot of things. There's chores. There's constant reminders. There's pressures. There's changes. There's school there's deadlines. As sports has academic achievement. There's part-time jobs as friendship stuff, family stuff. World news. I mean, there's a lot happening and they might react by withdrawing or getting defensive. When people ask them way too many questions or they feel like they're, maybe they're getting it wrong.
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[00:02:05]Marie Vakakis: Now I love working with teens. I think it is such an oh. Beautiful age to be able to do some really good work. And I've worked with hundreds of teams across a number of settings, and I think they're absolutely great. And. Let me send a stood very much so, so I'm hoping some of these episodes will bring the attention to. Bring attention to some of the things that they're struggling with or going through. And give parents a little bit of perspective.
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[00:02:50]Marie Vakakis: There is a lot happening in there. Teens might experience significant hormone fluctuations. Well, it's not, might they do. They experienced significant hormone fluctuations, which can impact their mood.
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[00:03:21]Marie Vakakis: So they haven't learned yet. Necessarily how to share how they're feeling and articulate that well, so it just comes out. It can kind of feel like it's bubbling over or like a volcano that erupted and it can come out of nowhere or it seems like that, but sometimes it does and they don't know why. And they don't understand and simply asking them what's wrong with you or what happened or how are you feeling?
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[00:03:43]Marie Vakakis: But they're still feeling all their feelings. And there could be some challenges with social pressure, navigating friendships, peer relationships. In a potential romantic interest, understanding their sex, their sexuality, their gender identity, what they like, what they don't like, who they are, what their values are. That's [00:04:00] really a lot.
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[00:04:20]Marie Vakakis: They might feel that they're not doing a good enough job that they're letting their parents down. That they're not. Enough of something and that's really devastating for a lot of them. And you can see how that might make you feel. Really. Disconnected or sad or overwhelmed. They might. Interpret constant reminders about school work or chores as nagging, which can lead to frustration or withdrawal. And so out of nowhere you might ask a question like, oh, have you done your homework?
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[00:05:05]Marie Vakakis: And so sometimes what seems like it comes out of nowhere. If we dismiss it as, oh, they're just being moody. We miss an opportunity to understand what's really happening or reflect on how was that question asked. Was the timing, right. Was my tone. Right? Does it feel critical? Did it feel micromanaging? And that can play a role in this as well.
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[00:05:29]Marie Vakakis: So it's very important to watch how some of those words are said and how some of those questions are asked because they can feel overwhelmed by long lists of tasks, responsibility, and expectation. If they're feeling nagged. That could feel critical to them. Okay. So constant reminders or criticism about the same issues. Can make them feel misunderstood. They can feel irritable and they might interpret it as not being trusted or valued.
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[00:06:05]Marie Vakakis: Another one of my favorite. , I guess cautions is too many questions. And I talk about these in a number of different ways is they need some space to process their thoughts and emotions. And when parents ask too many questions, especially at the wrong time, it can feel like an interrogation leaving them frustrated and defensive. And he didn't think he'd come home from school.
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[00:06:43]Marie Vakakis: What did you do? What did you learn? Why aren't you talking to me? He never talked to me and the questions just start. And they're just overwhelmed from the moment they've walked in the house. So sometimes too many questions can leave there, feeling frustrated and defensive. And they might respond poorly to those questions because they're not, they're not regulated yet.
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[00:07:26]Marie Vakakis: And I have an episode called why won't my teen. Talk to me after school or why doesn't my teen talking about the school. Put a link to that in the show notes. So you can check it out and save that offers a little bit of extra tips for you there. So how do we balance independence and connection? That's the million dollar question, right?
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[00:08:08]Marie Vakakis: So you might want to try something, but you know, you need help at some point, or there's a bit of autonomy here, but some responsibility that comes with it that you might not like there's. I want to give this a go, but my parents won't let me. And there's this tug of war. This push pull between growing up. Wanting independence, wanting autonomy. And needing some support, some reassurance, having someone there when you maybe get it wrong or fall over there's dignity of risk and being allowed to get things wrong. And having someone safe and reliable to come to when it doesn't go right.
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[00:08:49]Marie Vakakis: So how do we help manage some of those emotions? Their emotional regulation skills are still developing. They might struggle to cope with frustration, disappointment, or stress. And to someone who is looking from the outside that might seem like it's mood swings or irritability or shut down, but they're still figuring this out. So I want to encourage you to model healthy regulation yourself.
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[00:09:35]Marie Vakakis: I'm feeling a bit frustrated and I don't. Say things the way. I mean them, when I'm frustrated, you starting to role model that and owning that. Gives them some language to use and they follow that away and this needs to happen over and over and over again, so they can learn that language. So keep that in mind, how you respond to your own emotions is important. When you're responding to their emotions. I want you to use emotion, coaching steps, so see opportunities for connection. Rather than criticism.
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[00:10:27]Marie Vakakis: You don't have to agree with. It doesn't have to be your truth, but for them that's how it felt. And that deserves validation. Don't try and talk them out of it. Or you shouldn't feel that way. Or I wouldn't have felt that way or blah, blah, blah. Validate what they are going through.
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[00:10:43]Marie Vakakis: So instead of peppering them with lots of questions and nagging, trying to approach conversations calmly, and with empathy, maybe ask one or two open questions and give them time to respond with that pressure.
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[00:11:15]Marie Vakakis: And if you have a question that you would like answered on the podcast, Getting touched. You can email me, you can send me an anonymous form on the website, Marie Vakakis: .com.au . You or there is a link in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. [00:12:00]
