How to Deal with Raising a Highly Sensitive or Neurodivergent Kid

Episode Summary

Eli sits down with Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings, to dig into one of the most misunderstood parenting challenges: raising a child who feels everything — deeply, loudly, and fully. Together they unpack what it really means to have a "big feeler" in your home, why the goal was never to make sensitive kids less sensitive, and the three most powerful things parents can do to help these kids thrive.

Key Takeaways

1. There's a spectrum of sensitivity. Big feelers aren't just one type of kid — some push their feelings outward (intensity, drive), others turn them inward (overwhelm, collapse). Knowing your child's pattern matters.
2. First step: rule out or rule in neurodivergence. Many highly sensitive kids are also autistic, have ADHD, or both. Getting clarity on how your child's brain works is one of the most powerful gifts you can give them.
3. Believe your child. When the slide feels terrifying or the smell of salami is physically painful, validate it. Children who are believed learn to trust and advocate for themselves.
4. Teach the Zones of Regulation. Help your child identify what zone they're in (red, yellow, green) and what they need in that state — this is more powerful than simply validating feelings.
5. Diagnosis = understanding, not a verdict. Labels give children language, resources, and permission to stop wondering "what's wrong with me?"
6. Your home can be the safe haven the world isn't. You may not be able to change the world for your big feeler, but you can make home a place where they don't have to mask.
7. Resilience doesn't come from masking. It comes from authentic connection, belonging, and supported coping — not from teaching kids to suppress who they are.
8. Let them bloom on their own timeline. Attuning to your child and meeting their nervous system where it is creates the safety from which real growth — extroversion, advocacy, friendship — can organically emerge.

About the Guest

Kristin Gallant is a parent coach and co-founder of Big Little Feelings, one of the most trusted parenting resources on the internet. Alongside her business partner Deena Margolin (a licensed child therapist), Kristin has created research-backed, parent-approved courses used by over 500,000 families. Diagnosed with ADHD at 37, and a mom to an autistic child, Kristin brings both professional expertise and deeply personal experience to her work. Her newest course, the Big Feelers Program, was built specifically for parents of highly sensitive, ADHD, and autistic kids.

1. 🌐 Website: https://biglittlefeelings.com/
2. 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/biglittlefeelings

Resources Mentioned

1. 🎓 Big Feelers Program (Big Little Feelings Course) — The course built for parents of highly sensitive, ADHD, and autistic kids: https://biglittlefeelings.com/products/big-feelers
2. 📘 The Zones of Regulation by Leah Kuypers — The self-regulation curriculum referenced in this episode (red zone, yellow zone, green zone framework): https://www.zonesofregulation.com/ Also on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Zones-Regulation-Leah-Kuypers/dp/B008M7E0G8
3. 📗 Permission to Feel by Dr. Marc Brackett (Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence) — Referenced when discussing the importance of labeling emotions (mentalizing): https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Feel-Unlocking-Emotions-Ourselves/dp/1250212847 Learn more about Marc's work: https://marcbrackett.com/
4. 🏫 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc Brackett's research center on emotional intelligence: https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/communitypartnerships/ycei/

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Hello, my love.

Hi, hello.

I'm so glad you're here and that you want to geek out on this topic that is so

near and dear to my heart and my nervous system talking about our sensitive Bebes.

Sensitive kids, sensitive adults,

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So tell us a little bit about what y'all have been figuring out about our highly

sensitive, there's lots of language that gets used to apply to these kids.

When I geeked out on the research, one of the terms that

gets used is over excitability, which is an interesting term.

But you know, these are, these are our kids that just feel a lot

and often and incredibly, deeply.

Yes, and I think that there's so many different terms, by the way,

just for us, you and me, a geek out over.

I, hate all the terms.

I even hate the term that we came up with, which is big feelers, but

I hate highly sensitive, probably because I'm highly sensitive.

So I'm like, that's not me.

I'm not, you know, like that hurts my feelings.

And, we racked our brains trying to be like, uh, at first we were

like, oh, maybe it's tornado kids.

I'm like, I don't want them to be called tornado kids.

You know?

And I don't necessarily like deeply feeling you know, when I was interviewing

a nanny a few years ago I had asked, their experience with a highly sensitive,

or, just describing the type of child.

Because I have one and.

One nanny called them.

She was like, oh God, I love working with really passionate kids.

And I was like, bingo, bingo.

You're hired.

And

I love that description.

Like highly passionate feels right to me.

Well, I think we also get into a little bit of thicker

waters around this because there, there are nuances around this.

I think sometimes a bunch of different types of kids get grouped into one

category and then, we start generalizing.

So, we'll use your your term even though you don't like it.

the deep, the deep feelers, is that what you said?

No.

Big feelers,

feelers.

Okay.

The big feelers.

Yeah.

Uh, you know what, that does actually make sense because some of our big

feelers feel big things about their passions, and so they drive really hard.

But some of our big feelers are really tender, and I call them our

tender hearts and our tender hearts.

What happens?

It's not the so much that they drive their feelings into the world, it's that,

that the feelings of the world drive into them really hard, and so it doesn't

take much for them to kind of like.

Just collapse 'cause they're overwhelmed.

So I think there's a lot of different traits and personalities involved in this,

but basically we're talking about any kid that we wouldn't describe as chill.

Right?

I know those kids, there are

accurate way to put it.

that's a real thing.

But, so we have our chill kids and God bless them.

And then we have our kids who.

Either feel deeply in a way that leads them to fall over often or

feel deeply in a way that leads them to push other people over often.

Does that feel right how I'm

Yeah, and I think it can be, it can vary so much throughout

their lifetime too, don't you think?

And they can also feel so deeply that they lash out at themselves instead

of other people, or they feel so deeply that they're just explosive

all day long, and they can go through very different variations of how, I

think the common denominator is that.

The world generally is very overwhelming for their nervous system.

I think that's the common denominator for all of these kids.

And then how it looks is just something that is quite different than when

you're looking around at the playground or you're looking around at the

other quote, unquote, the other kids, and you just are like, man, my kid

does not react that way to a slide.

You know?

Yes.

Well, it's interesting for me because all three of my kids

are different in this way.

So let's just talk about the slide.

One of my kids, it took her a long time to go down the slide

because she was processing.

All the things that could possibly go wrong on the way down.

And the, the thought of falling, the thought of doing it wrong,

those are all there for her.

So it takes her some time.

She's the kid who would sit on the sidelines during, the soccer shots

thing and just not wanna go in because she's processing everything about it.

But I have a kid who's the opposite of her, and just for

jokes on me, they're twins.

So that's always fun to watch this process.

Oh, I love that.

But her relationship to being sensitive is that she

feels desire very sensitively.

So she sees the slide and she's like, not only am I gonna go down the slide,

I'm gonna go down it backwards, upside down, and probably with my pants down.

'cause I think that might make someone laugh.

And so it's like both my, both of those are my big feelers and it's.

Hard sometimes to do the gymnastics of recognizing that, because

it plays out so differently.

What do you think?

Yeah,

and as a

I deal with them?

mean.

Like, I understand so much because I am, and I was a big feeler But,

but as a parent, you just want them to go down the damn slide too.

You know?

And that's the hard part of parenting is you zoom out and you feel nothing

but empathy and you can really see these specific traits and how they

are overwhelming their nervous system, how they are processing

differently than other kids.

But also in the moment it can be really hard 'cause you're

like, can you just, can you just.

Go down the side or can we just have one birthday party where

you're, you're going out there, you know, one easy, I hate that.

It's like my mom always used to say, right, can we just have one easy moment?

Can we just have one easy day?

It's, it's, it's hard.

It's

it, yeah.

Can we just go down the slide the normal way?

Can we just not, you know, have to like push that other kid because you like

him so much that you're like trying to make friends in this very physical way.

Well I think that also brings up the point of whether or not we

are that and how that affects it.

'cause the part of me that's like, can we just, I think that's a part of me

that's overstimulated by parenthood.

don't, I so I'm not sure anyone ever described me as a chill person either.

I'm not sure that's ever been a descriptor to you.

Me neither.

So we were not the chill kids

No.

are not the chill adults.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm sturdy and I'm caring, and I have a, I have a very intact

relationship with myself and with my kids, but I'm not chill.

And so when my kids are going.

Either they're stuck at the top of the slide and it's time to

go, and then they're like, but I need to go, and they won't go.

Or they're, you know, going on it over and over and over again

because they just find so much delight in that sensory experience.

I'm like, can you just be like my other friend's kid where

she's like, time to go home.

And they're like, I'll get my shoes on and here we go.

Yeah.

That sounds so lovely.

Yes.

What have you found to be the most helpful information for parents

in terms of what these kids need from us, this specific special group of kids

and how we can deal with raising them.

So i'm gonna say three things.

One is something that, I think is, is being sort of debated on the internet and

I love it, which is the first thing I will say is find out if your child is highly

sensitive or if they are neurodivergent.

We like to group neurodivergent kids into big feelers because there is such

a commonality between the two, the crossover, and also a lot of parents

will not get their child diagnosed or they're too young to be diagnosed, and we

don't want these kids to fall through the cracks and not have the same strategies.

So my biggest piece of advice is first, if you're on the fence at all and you

think you have a highly sensitive kid, definitely seek out some help and see

if they are neurodivergent in any way.

Now.

You find that out, they're not neurodivergent or they are great.

Knowing how your child's brain works is so important.

And I've seen even some clinical psychologists, they'll say,

you know, labels don't matter and labels don't matter.

And to me, somebody diagnosed A DHD, I have an autistic child.

The diagnosis to me matters so much because their brain works in a

completely different way, and when you can understand how their brain works.

There is so much good on the other side of that.

Now, I'll also say when your child understands how their brain

works uniquely, there is so much good on the other side of that.

So number one, find out if they're neurodivergent or not.

Okay?

Number two, big feelers.

Neurodivergent, either one.

I think the biggest thing you can do as a parent is believe them.

I think that's the biggest bang for your buck.

Short term, long term, is when the slide is terrifying.

The slide is terrifying.

Right?

It's not a, it's so hard, but it's not a You're fine.

It's good.

The slide feels terrifying for you.

That's valid.

It's this group of kids feels overwhelming to you.

That's fair.

I get that.

The smell, the smell of salami.

My child cannot be in the room with salami.

And that might feel ridiculous to some people, but it is very real for her.

Very real.

And so that is fair.

So believing your child so that they believe themselves later on in life.

So many of us who were big feelers or neurodivergent, we're just trying to mask

our way through the world and push down.

Our needs that are very different than a neurotypical person's needs.

And what ends up happening is we burn out, we explode.

We find ourselves in jobs.

We're not meant for relationships, we're not meant for.

So believing your child is the baseline of having your child

understand who they are and listen to what they need within themselves.

Number three is.

Giving the child the power to understand their own zones of regulation, meaning

red zone, yellow zone, green Zone.

It's not as common practice.

You know, I think validating feelings is really common right now, but that

tends to make big feelers really explode.

They don't like that.

They don't want you to see that they're sad, they're ashamed of that.

They're very ashamed of all of their feelings 'cause they're

huge and they know it's really overwhelming to everybody else.

Teaching your child who is a highly sensitive kid or a neurodivergent

kid, how to recognize the sensations within their own bodies.

Okay, I'm feeling Orange zone and that feels like yucky in my stomach

and this and that, and heart and clenching, and then red zone.

Teaching them the zones.

And then what they specifically need after is also I think the biggest

thing you can do for your big feeler.

I love this and be, when we think about emotions, we think that when we

can mentalize, that's a fancy schmancy psychology word, but when we can.

Recognize with a label.

This sensation has a name and it's called this, or this sensation has

a need and it's called this, which is what we do when we potty train.

I know you all have a potty training class.

You know, it's like this is that.

That means I need to pee.

Ooh, that means I've got a bowel movement.

Like that's mentalizing.

So when we do that with highly sensitive kids.

We're saying, Hey, when you're in the orange zone, this

is, this is the orange zone.

We can call these sensations the orange zone.

And then this is what you can do when you're in the orange zone or what you

need when you're in the orange zone.

Their brain has a less primal response to that zone.

So even the red zone becomes less red over time when a child can

label it, recognize it, and connect it to the needs that it has.

So I'm, I'm all in on this.

I also think when, when you're talking about labels, I wanna talk about that.

I think that some people are traumatized from being labeled in ways that felt

denigrating or, lacked dignity, right?

So like, you are a disorder, you have a disorder, you are

broken, you're weird, you're off.

And, and so there's a protective response in our generation I think

of, I don't wanna label my child, but.

When we go that far of, I will never label my child, don't do that.

Then we do a couple of things.

We restrict our kids from resources that they need,

especially in education settings.

And we actually stigmatize it more because it's like, oh, I

don't want you to have that.

I don't want you to have this thing.

Instead of being able to understand, I, I might think you're on the same

page as me around this, but I don't see neurodivergent brains as broken or wrong.

I see them as specialized.

And so every A DHD person I know is freaking phenomenal in the way that

they create and engage and think.

And yes, that A DHD brain creates other patterns and other

things that can, can cause.

Strife and stress for you and people you love.

However, without that, you wouldn't be you.

And that's, I mean, that is true for my autistic daughter.

You know, she is so fascinating and incredible.

She is probably gonna be the next Jane Goodall.

I'm pretty convinced that that's her, her passion and the way that she dives deep

into things, which can be called fixation.

Is powerful so that label, if I labeled her disordered and like something's wrong

with you, and that's different than going, ah, you have this specialized brain.

Then we can reference other people in our life.

You know, aunt Chichi, she also has a specialized brain

and you love Aunt Chichi.

And so, you know, being able to see it less as a label

and more as an understanding.

An understanding of who you are.

Yep.

And that for me, as somebody who was diagnosed with A DHD at 37, it's exactly

that, understanding who you are, and it's so freeing when you understand

who you are and you accept who you are.

And I only did that through books on a ADHD and, and not

the executive functioning books.

And those are great.

I mean, maybe someday I'll learn something there.

But, the books by, you know, other women with a ADHD where it was like,

here's the secret hack, except.

Your brain accept the fact that you will be 10 minutes late to everything in your

entire life for the rest of your life, and you actually don't have to feel shame.

What you could do is tell your friends and family and say, Hey, I have a ADHD.

No matter how hard I work at this thing, I will be 10 minutes late.

I have something called Time Blindness.

There you go.

You just removed.

Years of shame over one thing, let alone everything else.

And in our children, even at, six years old.

I can see the same thing happen where pre-diagnosis of autism,

it was what's wrong with me?

I don't understand people.

I can't connect to people why I don't talk to people the way

that other people talk to people.

Just all of these really high level things at six years old.

And then the second there was a diagnosis, there was so much pride.

In what their brain can do and going, oh, that's why I'm so good at these

things, was the instantaneous reaction.

But then permission to understand, oh, this is why my brain has a hard

time with interacting with people.

Okay.

And relationships have soared since understanding this because

there's not so much shame.

There's not so much trying to be like everyone else.

It's like, okay, I'm just gonna try to be like me.

And we'll see what happens.

For me as a parent, we made the decision to get a diagnosis for

one of my kids when the internal narrative was, what's wrong with me?

Why am why do I do bad things?

And what I needed as a parent was to be able to go, okay, is this this or this,

or which is this, so that I can then.

Garner what I need to be adapting, and when the diagnosis for my kid came

back, it was autism, A DHD, and anxiety.

It was like, okay, I know how to deal with the anxiety.

That's one of my specials, but it's the autism piece and the ADHD piece.

I needed to adapt the environment for my kid in a way that I wouldn't have.

Naturally done without understanding why.

So, the why of, oh, this is what it, this is what's happening in their brain.

The sequential, processing that is very different than how I operate

in the world and very intuitive.

And so being able to go, oh, we need to make this more clear, more sequential.

What's so powerful to me is what has changed more than anything in that

dynamic between us is the comfort and the affection and the connection between

us, because without that understanding, I wouldn't have been able to get

the treatment that was needed there.

And.

I was on edge 'cause I could feel that the things I was doing weren't working, but

I didn't know why or exactly what to do.

So I think, can an understanding, can finding an understanding, maybe we should

just ask psychologists to change the term from diagnosis to understanding

here's the formal understanding of this neurobiology, of this child.

I want a formal understanding of my child's brain so that I can adapt in

a way that helps them get what they need from me, and it's been worth every

single step of that journey for us.

Yep.

Every single one.

And it, even if the diagnosis is just a highly sensitive kid, I say just a

highly sensitive kid as if that's, you know, but it's its own, separate thing.

And you're gonna handle that kid very differently than you would.

A kid that is not highly sensitive.

So the same way if your child gets a, a diagnosis of autism, like you're

saying, very different than how you need to set up the world and interact

with them versus an A DHD kid, or they have both, which sounds like maybe

yours does very different and then also highly sensitive, very different.

So understanding and then setting up.

Their environment.

Because the truth is, and this is the hard part for me, is that

the world was not made for us.

It just was not highly sensitive.

A DHD neurodivergent in general, the world's not made for us.

And it's my belief that our home has to be the place that is made for us.

And so when you come home to a home and you have felt.

Broken all day, but also you're masking and you're trying to be somebody else

and you're trying so hard and you come home and you still have to wear that mask

and you still have to pretend and you're still wondering what is wrong with you?

And you're still hearing those 10,000 negative comments by age 10.

Like a DHD kids are.

It is too much.

But I think that if the world can't catch up yet, and I think they

might because this is becoming more of a thing, which is great.

If the world can't catch up yet, your home can still catch up.

You can still create safe, cozy spaces for your.

Big feeler, neurodivergent kid, you can still understand them and believe them.

You can still have patience with them.

You can still do all the things that you know are gonna

work for your child at home.

And that almost matters more than what's in the world because someday they're gonna

be able to create their own home and their own relationships, and they will seek

out that comfortable feeling, and they might even make a career out of that.

Isn't that incredible?

Instead of fighting against who they are and what they need.

I was gonna ask you the question, what do you say to the people that

are like, oh, we're gonna coddle 'em.

Okay, we gotta put the salami away and get 'em special underwear.

But I feel like you just said it already, like that was the answer to that question

and.

I think that we have to get over our shame because that voice is around all of us.

It's like, oh, I'm not supposed to coddle my kids.

We have to get over that shame and trust our actual instincts.

When my most sensitive child was a really tiny, I mean, if someone

looked at her, it was nervous system overwhelm and, and she was very cute.

So people loved to look at her and I had to.

Kind of override that sense that I could feel from people of like,

are you gonna let her do that?

Are you gonna let her bury her head in your arms?

She's, someday she's gonna have to learn to make eye contact someday.

She's gonna have to learn to interact.

And I'm so thankful I did.

I overwrote it thousands of times because I just knew, I mean, it's part of my

clinical work that it won't help her feel better if I push her where she's not

ready and that I knew she wasn't ready.

Her nervous system was freaking that.

Out.

So I didn't, and what's wild is that at this point, that child of mine is

currently my most extroverted child.

Yeah.

And it was like, because I could give her the chance to be ready.

There's a real confidence and freedom around that that is, is very unique,

and I think that's what you have to hold onto as a parent is yeah, the people out

there are like, are you gonna coddle 'em?

Are you gonna let 'em?

Don't do it.

But the truth is, salami will become tolerable as that kid's brain develops

or they will adapt ways to cope with it.

So I think if we, if we're believing our kids and we're allowing them their

process, they get there, you know, and they're not gonna be 28 and unable to

be in the room with a piece of salami.

They're going to be able to tolerate that.

Now, they may not like salami or like salami in the room, but they'll

figure out some adaptation in order to cope and deal with that.

I guess I should say that differently.

Maybe they will be 28, but what they'll learn how to do is say to their friends,

Hey, I love you, but I don't love you enough to eat a salami sandwich with you.

I just can't do salami.

And their friends will be like, it's fine.

We don't have to do salami.

We'll do something else.

Right?

So

I shouldn't say, I shouldn't have said it like that.

I take that back.

I was gonna say.

And some do.

Now, my experience with autism, is not that experience because, you

know, I have, Dina is autistic.

So my business partner is autistic.

My husband is autistic.

I now have an autistic child.

Turns out I love autistic people and I just surround myself and a

DHD and autism, apparently it's like peanut butter and jelly.

So in my experience.

They may never, ever be able to tolerate salami, especially

varying levels of autism.

And I know levels is a, is a controversial term too.

So we really, you know, when I say that, take it as a grain of salt.

They may never tolerate salami, but what I wanna do is raise a kid who, if

salami feels like a physical assault.

On their nervous system and body.

It feels like physical pain to them is how it's been described to me is

when something is off, when there is a tag, when it's the wrong sweatshirt.

And I watch my husband just ringing it out as if like a bear is chasing him and

he's just, and it's a sweatshirt, right?

Everybody's like, it's a sweatshirt to them.

This feels very, very, very real.

The salami is painful, the sweatshirt is painful.

I want them.

To be an adult.

When you are an adult, you don't have to be in a room with salami.

Like, I don't want my kids to have to override the things that are not okay

with them in order to fit in to this narrative of, well, that's ridiculous.

You have to make eye contact.

This is 2026.

Like, let's let them not make eye contact anymore.

Because then they can function in better ways.

When we don't force autistic people to make eye contact, it is

better for their nervous system.

So let's find a different way.

And so when my child is 26 and if she really still.

Cannot handle salami.

She'll walk into that room and just like I do about me being late, she's

gonna walk into that room and say, hi, I'm autistic and I love you guys.

You guys are my best friends.

And salami makes me feel like there are needles all over my skin.

So if you guys are gonna need salami, I just gotta step outside.

That's just my thing.

I'm gonna put on my sunglasses.

I'm gonna go for a walk, I'll come right back.

That's what I want her to do.

That's what I want her to do.

Yes.

That's what we want.

Well, and you know, it's, as you were, as you were saying that

too about, the eye contact thing.

I was thinking, isn't it interesting that we're like, Hey.

You need to adapt so we feel comfortable.

So what if, what if someone who is not autistic can learn to be connected

without eye contact instead of asking the autistic person to have

to be connected with eye contact?

Resilience comes from a place of connectedness, authentic

belonging and coping.

Not from masking or obeying or.

You know, trying to be something you're not or feel something you're not.

I mean, the dissociation that would have to take place for pregnant

me to stay in the room with a piece of salami is pretty severe.

That's not what we want for anybody is to be able to do that.

I'm so thankful for you because what you're talking about is, there's so many

layers here, but what we're doing is getting underneath this incredible myth.

That says the way you deal with sensitive kids is you teach

them to be less sensitive,

Yeah,

you teach them to be quote unquote normal.

I would say they use the word normal, not neurotypical, but teach them to be normal.

And that's not personally, how I'm going to raise my kids.

It's not personally how I think any of these kids should be raised.

I'm sure you know, how many clients have you had that are

adults who are highly sensitive.

They don't even have a diagnosis.

They're simply very sensitive nervous systems, very sensitive souls,

let alone an A DHD neurodivergent.

If you've spent any time with neurodivergent adults or just

people who were like, I'm just too sensitive for this world.

Like I, you will know that those people are not okay.

Like, we can't, we all faked our way through.

Mm-hmm.

We are not okay.

I want my children to be okay.

There is no fake your way through, and then you end up, okay.

I would also argue that neurotypical people and the guy who's saying

this on the Instagram comments, who's like, oh, you're just gonna

coddle your kids your whole life.

That guy's a nightmare.

And we all know it.

That guy's not okay.

I'm like, that guy's the standard.

The men are clearly not okay.

So this is not the baseline.

You've been shoving down all of your needs and you know mommy didn't let

you cry and mom told you to buck up.

And so now you're like on this weird power trip.

And I know I'm going into like a little bit of crazy territory

here, but this is why I think men are not okay, is because they were more than

anyone else taught to be strong and to suck it up and to not have any needs

feeling.

Stop

feeling.

And it's never gonna happen.

You're just gonna shove it down.

It's gonna come out in some way.

Whether that is anger and rage or some weird other thing, you're gonna do power.

It's gonna come out in one way or another,

Yes.

Or, or you're gonna have to mechanically continue to shove it down

through addiction, through whatever

else.

will never, yeah.

And, and so you are not in the room, so you know this metaphorical,

commenter isn't even actually in the room.

They're just yelling at other people for being in the room.

They're like, if you would just not be in the room, you wouldn't feel so much pain.

And then everything would be fine.

I could continue to not be in the room without disruption.

But yeah, that's not our goal.

Our goal is present.

Present people.

Empathetic people.

Attuned people.

And so our kids need permission to feel, which I don't know if

you know Mark bracket's work, but that makes me think of him.

Like, we need to be in our bodies and, and so some of our bodies don't do salami.

And some of our bodies don't do scratchy tags, and some of our bodies

need extra time on the sidelines and everyone will develop resilience.

The child I was talking about who became extroverted is not on the spectrum.

So it's two, two different kids.

I'm talking in and out.

So that kid is not on the spectrum, and I think that was such an important

clarification on you is you don't become not autistic, so you remain autistic.

But from a developmental perspective, what I want to hear and what I

want every parent to hear is.

When you attune to your child's emotional state and you believe them and you support

them and supporting them doesn't mean you, you don't ever have to do anything,

but you help scaffold them through the sensory needs they have, through

the emotional social needs they have.

They will be free.

And in that freedom they will bloom.

And so blooming for one kid might be becoming extroverted after being very,

introverted but, blooming for another kid.

They may continue to stay introverted, but watch that kid write a fiction story.

Watch that kid, advocate for, I think about Greta Thornberg.

She's gotta be on the spectrum.

I'm not positive, but I would assume so.

Watch that kid get passionate about climate change and

go out there and try and.

Heal the world.

Like there that bloom is what I want you to hear.

Your child will bloom even if you don't push them to bloom.

Like if you try to open up a flower that's not ready to bloom, kill it.

It

And if you try to

bloom.

don't know how to make this analogy, but if you try to

make a flower into a different flower, it's never gonna happen.

But

when you analogy here.

It for highly sensitive kids, autistic kids, A DHD kids.

It can be so hard to want the outcome to be what you're saying, where it's

like, well, my kid is really shy and they're really nervous and, and they

have a hard time making friends, so how can I make them have more friends?

And that's not a, that's not an unfair question.

Like, absolutely.

You, OT is wonderful.

There's a lot of wonderful resources that can help out with that.

But like you're saying, meeting your kid where they are, supporting who they are,

what they like, what they don't like, what they're interested in, what their needs

are, how they can regulate their zones of regulation, putting them in charge of that

rather than you being in charge of it.

All of those things can lead to a kid who is secure in who they are.

And then.

Those kids thrive, like you are saying, but the way that they thrive is going

to look perhaps very different from what your idea of having a quote

unquote perfect child or great child.

It might not look that way.

Your kid might not wanna be around a lot of people.

You might be a sports family, and your kid is a bookworm who gets

really overwhelmed at baseball games and cannot handle a baseball game.

You bring headphones, you bring a blanket, they cannot handle

it, and it's devastating for you.

But when we do all of these things, we let our kids thrive.

I will say the autism will never go away.

The, the traits will never go away.

But I will say this is anecdotally seeing my kid thrive, understanding

who they are and what they need.

Those.

Setbacks, explosions, hours and hours and hours of hysteria and

crying and, just things you'd be so worried about as a parent.

Those things have almost disappeared for us, and I know we will go back through

other phases and things will come up, but when you can help your child thrive

and just be exactly who they are, they're actually able to handle and manage life.

A whole lot easier, and even in my husband's case, when he allowed himself

to no longer make eye contact in public, he had so much more energy and reserves

to show up for us as a family at home because he wasn't out in the world masking

and making eye contact and lowering, diminishing, diminishing, diminishing

his low reserves that he has, and instead, he was authentically himself.

He stops making eye contact.

It may might make other people uncomfortable, but that's what he needs,

and now he can thrive a whole lot better.

Oh, I love this so much.

Tell everybody about how they can get connected to the big feelers.

Resource and everything that you are up to, because I know that

literally anyone who's listening to this and has a big feeler is like,

I want more Kristen in my life.

I wanna hear more of what she's saying.

How can I learn this better?

How can I give my kids what they need?

Yes.

So we have a program, it's called The Big Feeler Program.

It's for highly sensitive kids, A DHD kids, a SD kids, and we,

Dina and I, Dina's my wonderful best friend, child therapist.

We poured our hearts into this because again, I'm a DHD D's, Dina's, autistic.

We thought before this, we were just very, very sensitive and we created.

The program that we needed as kids, but also that we need as parents,

trying to make it to bedtime.

So it's really both.

You're going to learn how to meet your child where they're at.

Foster that fire within them.

Do not put out that fire.

Support them fiercely while also getting some better behavior.

If your house is kind of a nightmare and things feel really out of control,

there's a lot of things that we can do to make these kids feel safe today

and secure and really actually kind.

Like, listen to you.

You know, that's, that's not something that these kids do well,

until you have the right tools, until you go about it the right way.

So we are really proud of this program.

It's big feelers@biglittlefeelings.com slash courses.

Oh, well, we'll have the link in the show notes, and I just adore you

and thank you for being here and just loving kids so deeply and loving yourself

and loving your spouse, and being such an incredible advocate and educator.

We're so thankful.

You too.

Right back at you.