In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, Leila Ainge explores the intricate relationship between accountability and motivation through the lens of self-determination theory. She shares her personal journey of goal setting in running, emphasizing the importance of social support and relationships in achieving personal goals. The discussion highlights the psychological needs of autonomy, competence, and relatedness, and how they interplay with accountability. Leila encourages listeners to reflect on their own accountability networks and the role these connections play in their success.

Welcome to Psychologically Speaking.

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Hi, I'm Leila Ainge and this is a podcast all about human behaviour, bringing together

fascinating research, insights and real life experiences.

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As a psychologist, I'll share how the spaces we live and work in shape who we are.

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This season, we're diving into the fascinating gap between intentions and actions, a

liminal space where plans meet spontaneity.

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and exploring what it reveals about our identity.

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I'm excited to delve into accountability as a helping hand between intention and making

things happen.

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What's deeply satisfying about accountability for me is how it fits into the fabric of our

social spaces and networks.

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In today's episode, we're dipping into the psychological pond of self-determination

theory.

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I'll be sharing my own experience of goal setting, which unfolded over several months and

resulted in one of my greatest experiences and achievements.

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We'll explore how accountability floated along the journey in both planned and unplanned

ways.

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And finally, we'll conclude with a reflection for you to try.

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helping you discover the type of accountability that works best for you.

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So let's start by skimming the surface of this metaphorical pond of motivation.

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What drives us to get ahead and get things done?

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And why is this important for understanding accountability?

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One of the most popular and widely accepted, one of the most popular and widely applicable

theories of motivation is self-determination theory.

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Now this is rooted in the idea that humans are living, evolving beings who grow and learn

through new experiences.

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But none of this happens in isolation.

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Support from others and our cultural environment plays a crucial role in shaping

motivation, a bit like the ecosystem of a pond.

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Self-determination theory is actually made up of six theoretical areas.

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Let's think of those as like kind of giant lily pads on our pond.

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But today we're focusing on two of these, basic psychological needs and relationship

motivation.

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These are key when we think about accountability because they highlight the

interconnectedness of social context and goal achievements.

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Self-determination theory identifies three core needs.

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So that's autonomy, competence and relatedness.

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Whether you're running a business or working for someone else, these might look like under

autonomy, having the freedom of decisions that impact your work or goals.

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In competence, it could be around possessing the right skills or working towards gaining

new skills to achieve your objectives.

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And relatedness is that idea that we feel connected whether through in-person activities

or virtual networks with other people or colleagues.

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When it comes to relationship motivation, the second of the theories we're looking at

today, this area focuses on close relationships and their impact, not only on belonging

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but on the circumstances that can undermine good relationships.

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Interestingly, relationship motivation coexists with autonomy.

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So one person supporting another space and boundaries is an essential balance.

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Most of us have experienced forms of accountability that don't work.

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Too much accountability can leave you overwhelmed and gasping for air, while too little

can make you feel like you're drifting away from your goals.

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Understanding how and why accountability works is key.

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And here's the reflection I've had on what works for me.

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On Christmas Eve, my brilliant friend, somebody I've run long distances with before,

WhatsApped me a link to the Thames Path Challenge, accompanied by the tempting words,

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actual goal next year.

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For context, the last time that we ran a long distance together was in 2019, across the

chalky South Downs.

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It was a double marathon distance in a barely lucid state.

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Fun, lots of laughs despite all the blisters.

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Since then, I've barely managed to run 5K consistently each week.

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But giddy with Christmas spirit, Santa does love a sherry in our house.

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I replied, can I do it with you?

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And followed by, we're doing the 100K, right?

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At 4.40 AM on Christmas day, I found myself awake wondering how I would train for an ultra

whilst juggling motivation and rediscovering my previous joy for running.

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I started analysing the evidence from my previous efforts.

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And in 2024, my average monthly mileage was a paltry eight miles thanks to a back injury.

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Although I managed closer to 15 miles a month in good months.

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Compare that to 2018, the year of my first ultra marathon, I was averaging 80 miles a

month.

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I almost messaged my friend to decline, but instead at 4.40 AM I typed, okay.

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because I've done this before and I can do it again.

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What I meant was I've started from scratch before.

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Reflecting on my running journey, I now see that success wasn't just about me.

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It took a village and a dose of privilege.

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had financial stability, childcare and good health, as much as asthma allows.

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And I also had an abundance of supportive relationships.

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If I go back in September 2017, the same friend

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challenged me to run 30 miles in 30 days to support her London marathon fundraising.

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Sharing sweaty post run selfies and tagging her on WhatsApp kept me accountable.

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Her expertise in long distance running, the fact that she'd done one before and I hadn't,

and her enthusiasm met my psychological need for legitimacy.

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This small achievable goal snowballed.

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I became more consistent and eventually ran my first ultra that following June.

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By the start of 2018, I was also training for an April marathon.

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Without realising it, the short-term target of the 30 miles in 30 days set a performance

monitoring environment.

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And my friend and I naturally used social presence, Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, to

strengthen and facilitate that bond.

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We've probably physically run together fewer than 20 times.

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But virtually, we were running companions.

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We'd post a video to each other before our morning runs, then check in again after our

runs.

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Accountability came not just from my friend, but from other sources too.

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I ran with my dog, I joined Parkrun, I participated in virtual running communities,

notably Twitter.

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And my husband supported me emotionally.

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When I say that, I cried to my husband when my legs ached.

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He'd run a cold bath, I've not missed those at all.

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I moaned when my long runs felt like they'd never end, when I got drenched or fell over in

the ice many times, I might add.

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He cheered me when I finished last in the local 20 mile run, possibly one of the toughest

runs I'd done mentally because I knew I would finish last.

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And at that point in time, it was definitely a race against me and my mindset.

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Training for a spring marathon followed by a summer ultra is such an unglamorous affair.

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You've got rain, snow, vertical rain, hail, mud and mini heat waves.

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No run is ever the same.

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My husband would pick me up miles from the house.

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He probably rolled his eyes when I decided to run commute down an isolated lane to a train

station to get extra miles in, but he accepted my need.

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to do long running and my need to do this extraordinary thing around work and a toddler.

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Under self-determination and the mini theory of relationship motivation, this need for

autonomy in close relationships looks like one person supporting another person's space

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and boundaries.

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Go team age!

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All of these things are important contextually.

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when thinking about goal achievement and accountability.

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I was fortunate enough to attend a lecture by the experimental psychologist Robin Dunbar a

few years ago.

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Robin's work centres on the processes that underpin social bonding under the social brain

hypothesis.

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His book called Friends is an accessible read and I'd urge you to have a look at it.

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It's all about the

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quality of our relationships and the impact on our health.

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He also theorised, it's quite intriguingly, that we can maintain a maximum of 150

friendships.

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I'm interested in Robin's work because entrepreneurial networks, how they work, how they

sustain connections, how they create accountability and opportunities is at the heart of

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my psychological research.

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In his paper from 2022, he looks at the subject of virtual touch.

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In the introduction, he talks about social grooming and the fact that despite humans

having lost most of their body hair over the years, grooming through touch and stroke is

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still important for us as it is for primates.

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It elevates endorphins and this leads to a sense of emotional closeness.

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and it's still an important mechanism in our social relationships.

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It just happens in a different way.

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He goes on to explore the changes and expansion of our social networks and the ways humans

have found ways to trigger that endorphin system without physical touch, such as through

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laughter, singing, dancing and storytelling.

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I've often wondered how I coped.

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with the physical exertion and pain that came with ultra-training.

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And virtual touch might have had a part to play in this.

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Other findings show that synchronised activity, so if you think about virtual running,

dancing, even singing, it encourages bonding more than unsynchronised activity.

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And we know that this can lead to higher pain thresholds.

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Dunbar links his thinking back to the role of endorphins using the example of a runner's

high.

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Now, I'm way off my running high of 2019.

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So it's been very useful to reflect on what was going on back then.

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The support networks I had in place and the relationships that sustained me and provided

those basic needs.

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I'm also reflecting because it's been useful

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now that I'm reviewing what I need to succeed in my PhD journey.

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Back then, when I was doing the ultra training, I had autonomy to pursue my goal in a way

that worked for me.

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I didn't follow someone else's rigid training plan, but I definitely learned from others

who had done training plans and I did a mix and match approach around my own life and

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circumstances.

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I squeezed in runs here and there.

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I failed a lot.

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I cried, but I chased those endorphins and there was a lot of enjoyment.

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I developed new competence and vividly remember one run where everything clicked.

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And when I got home, I had kept to a consistent pace for every mile I'd run.

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This took months and months of practice and it wasn't even a visible or gradual process.

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I was rubbish at pacing for months and then suddenly I wasn't.

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And finally, that third basic need.

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sense of belonging.

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I felt like a runner at every step of the journey even when I came last because there's

something very wonderful about the running community or at least the people I hung around

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with virtually in that you were just accepted for putting one foot in front of the other.

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So returning to the pond.

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As we close, let's return to that metaphorical pond of motivation.

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Each of us exists in our own unique ecosystem, surrounded by the lily pads of basic needs,

relationship motivation, and the countless social connections that ripple outward.

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Like the surface tension of water, accountability is a bit like the invisible force

holding everything together.

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It keeps us buoyant, it helps us to navigate and provides structure we need to move

forward.

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So now it's your turn to reflect.

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Who is your accountability pond?

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Who are the frogs on your lily pad?

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Are they friends, mentors or community helping you float?

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And how are you contributing to their ecosystems in return?

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Psychologically speaking, I suspect that when you look back at some of your biggest

achievements and successes, you will find some of these accountability cues.

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Perhaps there was social presence, clear expectations, a bit of performance monitoring,

legitimacy and bonds of friendship.

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I think these are all of the ingredients that you need.

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By reflecting on those questions, you can begin to see the ways in which your

accountability team strengthens your growth.

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And whether you're reaching for your goals of developing your business, running a

marathon, or simply finding joy in the process of doing what you love.

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I hope that you are able to take something from reflecting on how accountability shows up

for you.

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Thanks for listening.

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If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review and share it.

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And if you're looking for one-on-one coaching to build your accountability team, I have

three slots available.

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Do you get in touch?

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P.S.

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To my dear friend who I know will be listening, I've not entered the Thames path yet.

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I am very tempted though.

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But I am running further than I did this time last year.

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I'm keeping myself accountable.

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You'll also be amused to know that I've had my first injury of the year after tripping on

the ice.

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I think we can safely say that my knees are going to be permanently bruised this year.