Amber:
00:00:00
I started my business before education was really
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00:00:02
a thing in our industry.
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And gosh, what I wouldn't have given to have it.
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And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don't take advantage
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00:00:11
of it, I'm just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don't know.
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I like what you're wasting such an opportunity.
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I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error and cost
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00:00:24
and all these mistakes if you just.
Amber:
00:00:26
Find the right education platform and lean in and you don't reinvent the wheel.
Becca:
00:00:32
I'm Becca Pountney, wedding business marketing expert,
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00:00:34
speaker and blogger, and you're listening to the Wedding Pros
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00:00:37
Who Are Ready to Grow podcast.
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I'm here to share with you actionable tips, strategies, and real life
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00:00:43
examples to help you take your wedding business to the next level.
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00:00:46
If you are an ambitious wedding business owner that wants to take your passion
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00:00:50
and use it to build a profitable, sustainable business, doing what you
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00:00:53
love, then you're in the right place.
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00:00:55
Let's get going with today's episode.
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00:00:59
Today I'm chatting with Amber Anderson.
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After a decade in weddings as owner of Heavenly Day Events in
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00:01:04
Austin, Texas, Amber now runs Refine for Wedding Planners.
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Amber Mentor's new, aspiring and struggling planners and is
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known for her radical honesty.
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I had the pleasure of meeting Amber in person last year and I knew I absolutely
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needed to get her on the podcast.
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Having attended her networking event at a selfie museum and having so many
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laughs, I knew she was on my wavelength.
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00:01:24
Life is too short to be serious.
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00:01:26
Amber, welcome to the podcast.
Becca:
00:01:29
Hi, thank you for having me.
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00:01:31
I am thrilled to have you.
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00:01:32
Now, before we get into this conversation, first of all, how
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much fun was the Selfie Museum?
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I feel like that was a really inspired place to have a networking event.
Amber:
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It was, and it was something a little different
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than we had done in the past.
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We do this event every year leading up to Wedding MBA, and we just wanted to
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branch out and do something different.
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And we felt like, You know, we, we try to make it a networking, a networking event
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and give help for guidance going into it.
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You know, how to be effective and efficient with networking and like
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what, what better way to network than, hey, can you take my picture?
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So lots of selfies, but also just vignettes where people were talking
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because we had a conversation starter in all these areas.
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It was super fun, super creative.
Becca:
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It was a really great idea.
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It was so much fun.
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And I'm still using the pictures sometimes on my social media
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because I went around that place.
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I got so many pictures in so many places.
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Yeah.
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We're like, let's help people create content and get
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to know each other, run around.
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Like, I don't know.
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You don't have to decorate that.
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I mean, it's just a bunch of art everywhere, you know?
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So it was fun.
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Yeah.
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We enjoyed it.
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00:02:34
I'm glad you got to come.
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It was a lot of fun.
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I'm interested to see where it's going to be when I'm back in Vegas this year
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because I don't know how you're going to top such a fun experience so we'll
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have to watch this space to find out.
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We're struggling to figure it out because F Formula One is now going to do
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that every year and so no one will take our, no one's letting out bids right now.
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They're like we're, we usually have it booked by now but they won't
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even talk to us this early now.
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It's frustrating.
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So who knows?
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We will, I'm sure we will find somewhere.
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It's going to be a lot of fun, but it was a, it was a great
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night in the selfie museum.
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So I'm glad to have you here on the podcast for my UK listeners
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and those further afield can find out a bit more about you.
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00:03:13
So take me back.
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I always like to take people back to the start of their journey.
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I think when we're at here as experts is important for people to understand
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where we've come from ourselves.
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So yeah.
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00:03:24
Take me back, how did you get into wedding planning in the first place?
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By complete accident.
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I have a kinesiology degree, so human health and anatomy.
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You know, sciences and was a personal trainer outside of, you know, my studies,
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I, and then the world fell apart in the first big economic dip for my
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generation, you know, the Great Recession.
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So everyone, you know, Jim jobs at the gym were like nothing at that point.
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That was the first person that people let go.
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So I ended up getting the nearest desk job and just kind of kept my head down.
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And I survived seven rounds of layoffs, which I'm, I'm just so proud of.
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I learned a lot through that, I think.
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And that has, you know, Carried over into owning a business.
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I think that was a really critical period of growth for me And but I'm not a desk
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job person And so this was at a big for accounting firm Deloitte and Touche
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and they do worldwide work but I was in Dallas and I Wanted to move my body.
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So I maneuvered my way over to the event side their corporate event desk And so
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that helps me me learn a lot about events and large gatherings and organizing people
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and the logistics behind all of that.
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And then I met my husband and we moved to Austin and I transferred to
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the Austin office and I did not enjoy the, the culture was very different.
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I didn't, didn't like that office here.
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And so after we got married, I, a friend of ours owns a wedding
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venue and he encouraged me.
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00:05:03
He's like, he wanted me to come consult with him on what I knew about.
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events in general, and he encouraged me to start my own business.
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He said, you know what you're doing, just do this.
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00:05:12
And so I started my business with You know, he, he basically handed me 16
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clients and that's unusual, but I also had to learn by fire that year because
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they ended up having a, a neighbor dispute with that venue and the fire
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marshal came out and revoked some of their permits and we had to rehome the venue.
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All of those clients, so here I am brand new wedding planner rehoming or
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I got to know people really fast and they saw my work ethic and doing that.
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And so I launched in that kind of wild way chaos.
Becca:
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Yeah, that is, that is wild.
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Sometimes that we learn the best when we're thrown into the deep end,
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because that's how we build experience.
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That's how we show that we're really worth our weight and worth our time
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because we, we can deal with those crises and you learn from those things.
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00:06:02
But I think it's interesting that you got handed those first clients,
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because one of the things I think particularly planners struggle with
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is where to land those first clients.
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How do they find those first people to take a chance on them?
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Do you remember finding your first clients outside of that venue?
Amber:
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Yes, I think that really it came down to networking, and it came down
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to my personal network to beyond just, you know, business networking, because
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this was before Instagram, Facebook groups, and we had Facebook, but, and
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Instagram had just and I think that's kind of popped up, but like we weren't
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using these social media platforms for business at that point, I guess, is,
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you know, where I'm going with that.
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This was, I didn't have Pinterest to plan my wedding.
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You know, this was very, we were all on our own.
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So I really had to push those doors open and it really came down to
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conversations, conversations, and just making, putting myself out there.
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And I think that's still the case for many of us today and good old fashioned.
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Putting yourself out there really does work, but it's it's it's hard and I did
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I don't think I should have done this I did I did what I tell people not to do
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now I priced myself too low and of course people booked me still like oh cool 500.
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00:07:19
I'll do that and But that's not sustainable, you know, and I
Amber:
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learned very quickly that that doesn't attract the right clients.
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I didn't care for those clients.
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I had to adjust a lot.
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00:07:30
So I don't think low pricing is the best way to do that.
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So that's what I did.
Amber:
00:07:35
Don't do that.
Becca:
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Yeah.
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And that is definitely a mistake.
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We see people.
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falling into all of the time thinking the cheaper I am, the more clients I'll get.
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But very quickly you realize, and I'm really busy and these clients
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aren't right for me and they're taking me for everything that I'm worth.
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So yeah, absolutely agree with you on that one.
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So when it comes to getting clients and I think what you said is very valid
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because actually I think I speak to a lot of people today here in 2024 who are
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relying far too much on social media and wondering why it's not working for them.
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And actually I don't think the landscape has changed as much as
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people think it is because like.
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00:08:09
do think the best connections are getting yourself out there, going and meeting
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other vendors, getting in the right rooms, going and meeting people face to face.
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I mean, we started this interview, we met because we were in the
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same room in the same place.
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100 percent from, and, and we are peers from across the world,
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you know, and, you know, I was leading a session earlier today and
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my guest was a social media blogger.
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And one thing that she was really, really emphasizing is that social media by and
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large for at least what we're doing or what our, what wedding pros are doing.
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Cause there's B to C, there's B to B and there's B to C.
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So like the model, the models are very different, but when it comes to
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being a wedding professional, what is the purpose of our social media?
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Is it to get leads or is it to be.
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A qualifier when a lead, when, when someone hears about you and comes
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and checks you out and make sure that you're the real deal and you look
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alive and you know, portfolios and information and everything checks out.
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I think that we as wedding professionals want it to be a lead generation and that
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doesn't mean we're not getting leads from it, but that's not our lead source.
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00:09:14
Our lead source It comes down to our network and our relationships and,
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you know, making ourselves known in, in, in conversation and asking
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our friends to tell, you know, Hey, do you know anyone getting engaged?
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Make the ask.
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We always assume someone's going to leave a referral or, you know, share about us.
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And it's not that they won't, but like, we have to ask them.
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Just ask.
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Absolutely.
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00:09:41
So you talked about some of the mistakes you've made early on
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00:09:43
in your own planning career.
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00:09:45
So pricing yourself too low was one of them.
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00:09:47
Is there anything else that you, now you look back and you think,
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I really shouldn't have done that.
Becca:
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I would never have taught someone to do this.
Amber:
00:09:54
Oh, so many things.
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I worked solo on the day and my, my area of weddings, I was a wedding planner
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and, and I just don't think that's wise.
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00:10:05
I think we need to always have an assistant and it
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worked out and it worked out.
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00:10:08
I mean, I never had anything go wrong, fine and fair, but Does luck last forever?
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00:10:13
Like at what point does that shoe drop it, and it creates damage in
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our relationships and our reputation?
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It hurts that network that we're talking about because that
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00:10:22
really is where we get our leads.
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00:10:23
They see that and they're like, this person isn't set up
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for success and I don't feel comfortable referring them anymore.
Amber:
00:10:29
So having an assistant, also just from the standpoint of labor and sustainability
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and You know, fine and fair.
Amber:
00:10:34
I did that at 27, but I'm 40 now.
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I'm not, I can't, I can't, I physically cannot do that anymore.
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00:10:40
So I think that it's important to have an assistant.
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00:10:43
I think also this was, I started my business before
Amber:
00:10:47
education was really a thing.
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00:10:48
thing in our industry.
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00:10:50
And gosh, what I would have given to have it.
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00:10:53
And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don't take advantage
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of it, I'm just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don't know.
Amber:
00:11:02
I like what you're wasting such an opportunity.
Amber:
00:11:05
I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error
Amber:
00:11:08
and cost and all these mistakes.
Amber:
00:11:11
If you just Find the right education platform and lean in
Amber:
00:11:15
and don't reinvent the wheel.
Amber:
00:11:17
Grab a template.
Amber:
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Just, yeah, I reinvented a lot of wheels.
Becca:
00:11:22
Yeah.
Becca:
00:11:22
I feel that frustration from you as well.
Becca:
00:11:24
And I see it too, because you think why is no one like, why aren't people seeing how
Becca:
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much further they can push their business?
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00:11:30
If they invest in education, however, I also see the flip side where
Becca:
00:11:34
there's so many educators out there.
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There's so many people out there speaking so many messages.
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And I think sometimes it can be overwhelming for people.
Becca:
00:11:43
So do you have any thoughts on how people do work out?
Becca:
00:11:47
Okay.
Becca:
00:11:48
Should I listen to this person?
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00:11:49
Who should I be following?
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00:11:50
Should I be listening to this person, this person?
Becca:
00:11:52
Cause there's so many choices all out there and they're not all equal.
Amber:
00:11:56
No, they're not.
Amber:
00:11:57
And I think a lot of it comes down to who's a good personality fit, who delivers
Amber:
00:12:00
content in a way that your brain and your learning style receives it and absorbs it.
Amber:
00:12:06
I, for example, my podcast episodes are 10 to 20 minutes and they're so low.
Amber:
00:12:11
And I just like get out there and I just like word vomit a point
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00:12:14
and an idea and a suggestion.
Amber:
00:12:15
I'm done.
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00:12:16
I'm in and out.
Amber:
00:12:17
That's a very different model than most.
Amber:
00:12:19
Right.
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00:12:19
And so that's not going to work for some people.
Amber:
00:12:22
They want the full hour.
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00:12:23
Some people are like, just give me five minutes and I'm done.
Amber:
00:12:25
So find, you know, your learning style.
Amber:
00:12:27
First off, find someone that aligns with your values as far as, and
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00:12:33
just beyond moralistic values.
Amber:
00:12:35
I mean, you know, your business model values, the kind of client
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00:12:38
you're trying to attract, the kind of client you're trying to repel.
Amber:
00:12:41
I think that there are some educators that are a little more hand holding and
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00:12:45
like, Sweet and gentle and then you've got educators like me that are like I
Amber:
00:12:49
can't be in your pocket forever So you got to learn to problem solve here's here's
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00:12:53
step a B and C to learn that and then Godspeed go do it And and I'm not gonna
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00:12:59
hold your hand I'm going to speak, you know truth into the situation so that it
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00:13:04
doesn't take you a year to figure out what You know, it could take you a month if
Amber:
00:13:08
you just hear me out, I want to deliver that with tact and grace and empathy.
Amber:
00:13:12
I don't want to be mean about it.
Amber:
00:13:14
But so like find, find the right personality fit, find
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00:13:18
the right learning style.
Amber:
00:13:19
And I also think find meat, find real meat and potatoes and make sure that
Amber:
00:13:25
that person provides quality because I can't tell you how many times I've bought
Amber:
00:13:28
something and I'm like, This is a canva template with like just a quick outline.
Amber:
00:13:33
I want real information and so downloading their freebies in advance to get an
Amber:
00:13:37
idea of how thorough they might be and You can't judge every freebie
Amber:
00:13:41
But I think just trying to vet it is helpful and getting on a phone call
Amber:
00:13:47
with them or a zoom call or asking them Can you point me to the right tools?
Amber:
00:13:50
This is what I need I think a lot of times if we just ask those educators.
Amber:
00:13:54
Am I a right fit for you?
Amber:
00:13:55
We're happy to tell you I have sent so many people You to someone I
Amber:
00:13:59
think is a better fit and I think, I think that's a fair thing to do.
Amber:
00:14:03
So find people like that that you can trust, like are they just trying to sell
Amber:
00:14:05
you something or are they really care?
Amber:
00:14:07
where you land.
Amber:
00:14:08
And last thing I'll say on that is make sure that they have their, their platform
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00:14:14
and their tools in a well rounded captures all of a certain angle, all of a certain
Amber:
00:14:19
topic, all of a certain, you know, A to Z on something so that you don't have
Amber:
00:14:23
to cherry pick everything on that topic.
Amber:
00:14:25
Can you get everything on social media from that one person?
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00:14:28
Can you get everything from, you know, your wedding planning
Amber:
00:14:30
process from that person?
Amber:
00:14:32
And then Go from there.
Becca:
00:14:34
Really, really great tips.
Becca:
00:14:35
And one thing I talk about a lot is smoke and mirrors.
Becca:
00:14:37
Be aware of the smoke and mirrors.
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00:14:39
So that means if people are promising the earth or promising the world,
Becca:
00:14:44
be really careful about it because
Amber:
00:14:46
yeah, I think getting into these summits, you know, wedding series
Amber:
00:14:51
summit, For one so free shout out.
Amber:
00:14:53
Hey Margo.
Amber:
00:14:54
Thanks for hosting that.
Amber:
00:14:55
I think when we sign up for things like that It's a really low hanging
Amber:
00:14:58
fruit ticket price point wise to be able to Get a good idea of what all
Amber:
00:15:04
these different how these different educators lead and deliver right?
Amber:
00:15:08
It's a great way to just get a feel for it and narrow down where you want to spend
Amber:
00:15:14
the rest of your time with education.
Becca:
00:15:15
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:15:16
Really, really great tips.
Becca:
00:15:18
Now you call yourself radically honest.
Becca:
00:15:20
I think a bit of that came out in what you were just saying as well.
Becca:
00:15:24
So I would love to know, as you go into 2024, you're speaking at various places.
Becca:
00:15:30
What are the radical honest truths that you are wanting to teach
Becca:
00:15:33
to wedding planners in 2024?
Amber:
00:15:36
I'm actually trying to put a spin on how I can do this appropriately
Amber:
00:15:39
because I don't want again.
Amber:
00:15:41
I'm so respectful of delivery intact and not being like Well, I see the problem.
Amber:
00:15:48
Here's how you fix it.
Amber:
00:15:49
That's just so hoity toity.
Amber:
00:15:50
I don't want to be that An observation i'm really making in the industry
Amber:
00:15:54
right now is a lack of problem solving skills and I want to bring a call to
Amber:
00:16:01
action on that and, and help, help us understand that I think we're
Amber:
00:16:07
all a little bit in denial of that.
Amber:
00:16:08
It's like, oh, I can, I think my team has problem solving skills, but I
Amber:
00:16:12
don't have problem solving skills.
Amber:
00:16:13
And, or I don't have, I don't lack those skills.
Amber:
00:16:16
And I.
Amber:
00:16:18
I really want to talk more about that and whatever, how and however
Amber:
00:16:22
many opportunities I get for that.
Amber:
00:16:24
I want to create opportunities to talk about, you know, slowing down
Amber:
00:16:27
and reading and searching and trying to solve the problem before we just
Amber:
00:16:31
make it someone else's problem.
Amber:
00:16:32
I'm not your secretary.
Amber:
00:16:33
I'm not your admin.
Amber:
00:16:35
You know, did you try to solve the problem before you made someone
Amber:
00:16:38
else try to solve it for you?
Amber:
00:16:40
You know, there are just so many ways to unpack that.
Amber:
00:16:42
So problem solving is one that I like to talk about.
Amber:
00:16:45
I think also just the general concept of so many of us are charging four
Amber:
00:16:50
and five figures without ever being willing to invest that ourselves.
Amber:
00:16:54
And I think it's really important for us to know what it feels like.
Amber:
00:16:57
I'm not saying go spend four and five figures just to know what it feels
Amber:
00:17:00
like by any stretch, but let's not nickel and dime when we're asking
Amber:
00:17:04
our clients not to nickel and dime.
Amber:
00:17:06
I think that if we know what it feels like to spend that, then we
Amber:
00:17:09
learn what that expectation, why our clients expect what they expect of us.
Amber:
00:17:13
And then we're not so frustrated by them and their expectations.
Amber:
00:17:17
We understand like, oh, that's fair.
Amber:
00:17:18
So that, and.
Amber:
00:17:21
I think the last one is just, I think wedding professionals often come into
Amber:
00:17:27
this industry based off of a creative skill set and a creative, you know,
Amber:
00:17:31
passion for serving and, and, and whatnot, but there's a lack of business.
Amber:
00:17:37
skill set that goes with that.
Amber:
00:17:39
And that's okay.
Amber:
00:17:40
That's why we're here, right?
Amber:
00:17:41
Like Becca has tools and this podcast and you know, we're
Amber:
00:17:45
all trying to help with that.
Amber:
00:17:47
But then for some reason it's like, Oh, well that's for somebody else.
Amber:
00:17:50
Or that's not, we, it gets dismissed.
Amber:
00:17:53
And I don't know that I understand that.
Amber:
00:17:55
It's like, there's a, there's a lack of, of acceptance for real business
Amber:
00:18:00
understanding and skill and strategy.
Amber:
00:18:02
And I think it's keeping, it's holding us back.
Amber:
00:18:04
I think the wedding industry is eons behind real business strategy.
Becca:
00:18:09
Yeah, I totally agree with you.
Becca:
00:18:11
And I think for some reason, because it's such a creative industry, often people
Becca:
00:18:14
fall into that hobbyist mindset where they don't feel like they're running
Becca:
00:18:18
a proper business because it's fun.
Becca:
00:18:21
And so it's changing that perception and going, You can have fun and
Becca:
00:18:24
run a proper business and it's okay to need help with that side of it.
Becca:
00:18:28
I always use the analogy to people I work with because I am a terrible
Becca:
00:18:32
baker, like really, really bad.
Becca:
00:18:34
And so I'll say to people like, I am terrible at making cakes.
Becca:
00:18:37
You're good at making cakes.
Becca:
00:18:39
I'm really good at marketing.
Becca:
00:18:40
You're not very good at marketing.
Becca:
00:18:41
So together we can create something great.
Becca:
00:18:44
And that's okay.
Becca:
00:18:45
It's okay to admit you're not great at everything because we can't all be good
Becca:
00:18:49
at every single aspect of business.
Amber:
00:18:51
We can't.
Amber:
00:18:52
And I think wedding pros really tried it.
Amber:
00:18:54
A lot of us, and this is very, I'm going to speak in a very
Amber:
00:18:57
blanket stereotypical statement.
Amber:
00:18:59
way.
Amber:
00:18:59
And maybe even this is more applies to the States in the UK.
Amber:
00:19:03
But you know, a lot of us left corporate America or started families and we
Amber:
00:19:06
think, Oh, I'm going to be a wedding professional because I'll get all,
Amber:
00:19:08
I'll have flexibility for my family.
Amber:
00:19:10
And then we ended up working 24 seven anyway, when we just don't have to like,
Amber:
00:19:16
you really can have the 20 hour work week.
Amber:
00:19:19
And have boundaries and, you know, saying yes to everything
Amber:
00:19:22
really is not the kindest.
Amber:
00:19:24
Like, we think saying yes is kind, like that's helpful, but it's
Amber:
00:19:26
really, like, if you say yes, what are you really saying yes to?
Amber:
00:19:30
What are you giving up to?
Amber:
00:19:32
You're, when you say yes to something, you're also, you're
Amber:
00:19:34
sacrificing something else.
Becca:
00:19:35
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:19:37
And that brings me on to the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about,
Becca:
00:19:41
Amber, because when I reached out to you about topics and things that you love
Becca:
00:19:44
to talk about ahead of this podcast, one thing you talked about in the email took
Becca:
00:19:50
me a bit by surprise because it wasn't something that I thought was going to
Becca:
00:19:52
be top of the list of things you wanted to talk about, and that was self care.
Becca:
00:19:56
And you kind of shared in there that that you've been through some stuff
Becca:
00:19:59
recently yourself and it's really changed your perspective on your own self care
Becca:
00:20:03
and people thinking about self care.
Becca:
00:20:05
So I would love you to just share some of that story with the listeners and to
Becca:
00:20:09
just talk to us about what happened and why that's changed your perspective.
Amber:
00:20:13
Of course.
Amber:
00:20:13
So in, you know, the too long didn't read nutshell, I got Lyme's
Amber:
00:20:18
disease in my twenties and I now have chronic Lyme disease.
Amber:
00:20:22
So my infection goes dormant and then comes active and back and forth.
Amber:
00:20:26
And so anytime it comes active, it wakes up some gene in my
Amber:
00:20:30
body that was otherwise dormant.
Amber:
00:20:31
And now I have some new autoimmune thing to deal with.
Amber:
00:20:33
So I hit a new autoimmune wall last summer and I almost died from it.
Amber:
00:20:38
And I had a real wake up call from how we operate.
Amber:
00:20:46
I think You know, in 2020, a lot of us slowed down, but that wasn't realistic.
Amber:
00:20:52
That wasn't a realistic thing to maintain.
Amber:
00:20:55
Right.
Amber:
00:20:55
And I think a lot of us, as we added things back, we were more intentional and
Amber:
00:20:59
didn't, a lot of us try not to overdo it, but at some point we kind of gotten there.
Amber:
00:21:02
And so what I have learned and know from my background in my health and science
Amber:
00:21:08
degree is that, you know, It's so basic.
Amber:
00:21:11
It's water, nutrition, move your body, get quality rest and, you know,
Amber:
00:21:17
but we don't do any of those things.
Amber:
00:21:18
And then we're like trying to fix it with a pill or fix it with
Amber:
00:21:23
the next freebie download or the next podcast or whatever it is.
Amber:
00:21:27
Like we're just seeking it in all the wrong places.
Amber:
00:21:29
And here in the States, we have lots of You know, our food is
Amber:
00:21:33
not, we have chemicals in our food that the UK doesn't have.
Amber:
00:21:36
And like, it's just, you know, our bodies are breaking down from it.
Amber:
00:21:40
It's causing cancer and all these things.
Amber:
00:21:41
And so I wish so, if I could get anyone to hear anything at all, I think it's
Amber:
00:21:50
You know, I would love for you to come to us and seek coaching and education,
Amber:
00:21:56
but I cannot fix any, I cannot help you with anything until you're taking
Amber:
00:22:02
care of those things that I mentioned.
Amber:
00:22:03
Water, nutrition, move your body, exercise, and rest.
Amber:
00:22:08
Every scientist everywhere.
Amber:
00:22:09
Every doctor everywhere that is that is the cornerstone of it and until
Amber:
00:22:14
those things are being you know minded We can't do anything else.
Amber:
00:22:19
We're just adding to the problem.
Amber:
00:22:20
We're just adding stress We're just adding more to do or just you know,
Amber:
00:22:22
and so I By being forced to lay down.
Amber:
00:22:26
I read a hundred and forty one books last year Becca and like what?
Amber:
00:22:30
Blew my mind didn't know that could be done, but I was on doctor's orders like
Amber:
00:22:35
every single day Lay in your bed, and I realized my business didn't fall apart.
Amber:
00:22:41
It changed a little, right?
Amber:
00:22:43
Like I was not as present, fair enough, but I actually made more money Not
Amber:
00:22:50
because I built these systems and I put it in place so that I could I I could
Amber:
00:22:53
withstand an emergency so those things are really important and but I I saw that
Amber:
00:22:59
water, nutrition, food is medicine, I saw that water and clean, clean, quality
Amber:
00:23:05
food, moving my body in the tune that's not more stress on my body, and quality
Amber:
00:23:10
rest have, it stopped a heart attack, like it backed all this stuff up that
Amber:
00:23:16
people usually just throw pills at.
Amber:
00:23:18
So those four things can save lives, they can prevent The stress of burnout,
Amber:
00:23:23
they can prevent, you know, having to overwork and now I understand when I
Amber:
00:23:27
come to my desk like that email does not have to be answered right now
Amber:
00:23:30
because guess what for the last year I didn't answer them all that fast
Amber:
00:23:32
and nothing, no, nothing fell apart.
Amber:
00:23:36
Yes, I want to be communicative.
Amber:
00:23:38
I don't want to be disrespectful, but I think that we put ourselves in this, you
Amber:
00:23:43
know, spiral of urgency that we create.
Amber:
00:23:46
It doesn't have, it doesn't have to be that way, so I just think if we can, I
Amber:
00:23:52
really would encourage everyone to slow down and really think about those things
Amber:
00:23:56
that we're told over and over and over and over again about self care, neglect,
Amber:
00:24:02
like, those are the things, y'all.
Becca:
00:24:05
Yeah, it is going back to some of those basics, really.
Becca:
00:24:08
But I mean, for you, though, because you're a motivated, driven person,
Becca:
00:24:14
you've got a successful business, and all of a sudden, you basically
Becca:
00:24:17
had to lie down and read 140 books.
Becca:
00:24:20
Now, for some people, that isn't the situation they're in.
Becca:
00:24:24
But they may find themselves in a situation where something happens in
Becca:
00:24:27
their family, they lose someone they love, and all of a sudden it feels like the
Becca:
00:24:30
world's fallen out from underneath them.
Becca:
00:24:32
They, they, it's an unexpected bump in the road in their business.
Becca:
00:24:35
How did you manage that?
Becca:
00:24:37
How did you stay positive?
Becca:
00:24:38
How did you keep yourself going?
Amber:
00:24:40
Admittedly, I'm not sure that I did stay positive.
Amber:
00:24:43
I think that you could ask those in my close circle or even those
Amber:
00:24:46
that just watched and observed, I think that they probably saw a
Amber:
00:24:49
pretty negative window from me.
Amber:
00:24:50
And I think that.
Amber:
00:24:52
You know, certainly on boxer, there were a handful of inner circle folks that got
Amber:
00:24:55
a lot of rants on the days and like, Oh, this stupid email, you know, and, but
Amber:
00:25:01
I tried my very best to keep it to that small circle and ensure that they knew
Amber:
00:25:07
what was going on so that they could be supportive and without judging me and, and
Amber:
00:25:13
also hold me accountable to, Hey, I think that I, I think my, this might not be what
Amber:
00:25:19
you're thinking it is or whatever it is.
Amber:
00:25:20
You know, you gotta use health, helpful language when you're talking
Amber:
00:25:24
to your peers in this way, but I, I tried to have accountability.
Amber:
00:25:28
I tried to have self awareness.
Amber:
00:25:30
That was important to me.
Amber:
00:25:30
You can't always know it, but I, I worked to At least try.
Amber:
00:25:35
And I think if we at least try, then we do catch it sometimes.
Amber:
00:25:38
But I do think that there was, I do think that my general, I think that people saw
Amber:
00:25:44
a side of negativity from me and I had to shift my mindset to not necessarily
Amber:
00:25:51
being okay with that, but Accepting it and knowing that it doesn't have to be
Amber:
00:25:57
forever and knowing that I have there is a real reason and that those that
Amber:
00:26:01
stay Are staying for a reason and that those that leave Might mean to leave
Amber:
00:26:06
for I just accepted that what happens needs to happen and then it'll all be
Amber:
00:26:09
okay and that so I I I don't think I stayed positive or you know, motivated.
Amber:
00:26:16
I think I really just put one foot in front of the other and took it.
Amber:
00:26:20
I, I, there were so many times last year, Becca, that I, I said to myself,
Amber:
00:26:24
hour by hour, just get through the next hour, just get through the next hour.
Amber:
00:26:29
That got, that did it for me.
Amber:
00:26:32
And again, we're all so different, but a lot of this comes down to making a choice.
Amber:
00:26:38
Get up, fill up your water bottle, drink it.
Amber:
00:26:40
You know, I don't want to do it anyway.
Amber:
00:26:43
And we just have to make those those choices.
Becca:
00:26:46
Yeah, and looking after ourselves is one of the hardest things.
Becca:
00:26:49
I think it's ironic because like you said earlier, so often people go into
Becca:
00:26:52
this industry, they think it's fun, they think it'll give them time back,
Becca:
00:26:56
they end up working all the hours, and so often I'll have conversations
Becca:
00:26:59
with people where I say, imagine you were your own boss right now, and you
Becca:
00:27:03
are working all these hours, you're getting no money, you're never taking
Becca:
00:27:07
a holiday, you're never doing anything, you would be really angry at that boss.
Becca:
00:27:12
So why are you doing this to yourself?
Becca:
00:27:14
So since you've come out the other side or you're where you are now,
Becca:
00:27:19
how has it changed your working week?
Becca:
00:27:22
Are you doing things differently?
Becca:
00:27:23
Are you taking breaks?
Becca:
00:27:24
Or is it a bit post COVID where you've just got back into the old rhythm again
Becca:
00:27:27
and you're just back to a hundred percent?
Amber:
00:27:30
Yeah.
Amber:
00:27:31
Well, I think, you know, when stressors are behind us or when health issues
Amber:
00:27:34
are behind us, we just naturally feel better and more motivated, right?
Amber:
00:27:37
So there's a level of excitement that hasn't existed for a while.
Amber:
00:27:41
And, you know, I'm such a visionary and I feel like that got dulled last year.
Amber:
00:27:47
And now I'm like, Oh, these new ideas and there's not enough time to do them all.
Amber:
00:27:50
And, and so I'm excited again, but I think now I'm, I'm, I'm going back to
Amber:
00:27:56
what worked before And then adding some things to what worked before was making
Amber:
00:28:01
sure that all those ideas get documented.
Amber:
00:28:03
So I don't feel like they all have to be done right now.
Amber:
00:28:05
And, you know, making sure they fit into the right quarterly bucket and,
Amber:
00:28:09
and right timeframe for my business.
Amber:
00:28:12
And, you know, so I don't overextend myself again, because if I, again, I
Amber:
00:28:16
say yes to too many things, then I'm just gonna be right back to where I was.
Amber:
00:28:20
And that, that serves no one.
Amber:
00:28:21
So, you know Managing my yeses and my nose is really big.
Amber:
00:28:26
It's a big, big thing for all of us.
Amber:
00:28:28
And then I think, you know, I'm really big on work less.
Amber:
00:28:32
Make more and I've seen that work really well in my life with both my planning
Amber:
00:28:37
business and my education platform.
Amber:
00:28:39
And so I know I like it works because I'm doing it.
Amber:
00:28:43
I know it works.
Amber:
00:28:44
I, it's not just like, yeah, work less, make more, come pay me.
Amber:
00:28:47
I'll teach you.
Amber:
00:28:48
It's like, no, I'm actually doing it.
Amber:
00:28:49
And so I stick to that.
Amber:
00:28:52
And so what I do is I end up finding, I make sure that I, I, I, I plan out my
Amber:
00:28:58
personal life the way I want it to be.
Amber:
00:29:00
And then.
Amber:
00:29:01
Whatever time is left, I will work.
Amber:
00:29:03
And that doesn't always work, right?
Amber:
00:29:05
Like sometimes you just have to go to work and be an adult, right?
Amber:
00:29:09
But like, I plan my personal life.
Amber:
00:29:12
I plan my business around my personal life and that has created a lot
Amber:
00:29:16
of, that's been successful for me.
Becca:
00:29:19
That's a really great perspective to have and I think so many people do
Becca:
00:29:22
it the other way around but you're right when you put the personal things in first
Becca:
00:29:25
and work everything else around it you leave space for those personal things
Becca:
00:29:29
otherwise business just crowds in and you just end up doing business all the time.
Becca:
00:29:33
Right.
Amber:
00:29:34
And it'll all get done, or if it doesn't, then did it need to get done?
Amber:
00:29:37
I mean, you know, and I think also one really valuable lesson I learned
Amber:
00:29:41
last year, and I'll give the credit to Jenna Kutcher she wrote How Are
Amber:
00:29:45
You Really, the book, and she, she launched it last year or the year
Amber:
00:29:48
before, and I read it last year.
Amber:
00:29:51
One of her big premises in there is finding your enough point.
Amber:
00:29:54
And I think that we as entrepreneurs and small business owners, and
Amber:
00:29:56
especially creatives and visionaries, You know, we, we have all these
Amber:
00:30:00
goals and then we accomplish them.
Amber:
00:30:01
And then it's, it's not uncommon for us to hit a, some level of depression.
Amber:
00:30:05
Cause it's like, well, now what the motivate we, we thrive on go, go,
Amber:
00:30:10
go and achieve, achieve, achieve.
Amber:
00:30:12
And once we achieve it, it's like, I, what am I like?
Amber:
00:30:16
I'm not, not like doomsday.
Amber:
00:30:17
What am I living for?
Amber:
00:30:18
But just like that, what, what's my purpose?
Amber:
00:30:20
We have to redefine our purpose.
Amber:
00:30:22
And, and she talks about, you know, a lot of us left.
Amber:
00:30:25
You know, our corporate jobs so that we could have flexibility and personal
Amber:
00:30:28
lives to build our businesses around.
Amber:
00:30:30
And here we are doing the opposite because we're just keep, we keep adding
Amber:
00:30:34
every time you meet the goal, we add a new one and that's not bad, right?
Amber:
00:30:39
But it, what is our enough point?
Amber:
00:30:42
At what point do we say, you know what?
Amber:
00:30:43
This is what I dreamed of.
Amber:
00:30:45
And this is enough and I am not going to add to my list.
Amber:
00:30:48
I am just going to live it.
Amber:
00:30:49
I'm just going to live it and be okay with it and I'm going to, I'm going
Amber:
00:30:52
to step on imposter syndrome and not worry about what everyone else is
Amber:
00:30:56
doing because my goals are different and I am going to live my life.
Becca:
00:31:00
So, so important.
Becca:
00:31:01
And we do have to remind ourselves of that for the benefit of the listener
Becca:
00:31:05
right behind me, as we're recording this, I have a sign to remind myself of
Becca:
00:31:08
this every day, right behind me, it says you are enough because I have to remind
Becca:
00:31:12
myself of that daily because we are as entrepreneurs, we're always striving to
Becca:
00:31:16
do the next thing to hit the next goal.
Becca:
00:31:18
And actually, sometimes we can just chill out a bit.
Becca:
00:31:21
We can just take a seat.
Amber:
00:31:23
I like knowing that.
Amber:
00:31:25
Yeah.
Amber:
00:31:26
If I, yeah, I can do it.
Amber:
00:31:27
I know I can do it.
Amber:
00:31:28
I've done a lot of really hard things.
Amber:
00:31:30
But do I have to do it?
Becca:
00:31:31
Yeah, exactly.
Becca:
00:31:33
You know, exactly that.
Becca:
00:31:34
Now, there's going to be a few people listening.
Becca:
00:31:36
But so before this, before we wrap this up, I just want to go into this
Becca:
00:31:39
little bit because I think there'll be some people listening who are in
Becca:
00:31:42
a bit of a dip in the road right now.
Becca:
00:31:43
It may not be a personal circumstance.
Becca:
00:31:45
It may just be to do with their business.
Becca:
00:31:47
I think businesses go through roller coasters and I think people will
Becca:
00:31:50
be hitting a point where they're maybe newer into the industry.
Becca:
00:31:54
Maybe they're trying to make it as a planner and they're just feeling like.
Becca:
00:31:58
I'm just going to give this up.
Becca:
00:31:58
Like, this is hard.
Becca:
00:32:00
I don't know what to do next.
Becca:
00:32:02
Have you got any kind of practical tips or advice for people who are in that space?
Becca:
00:32:07
What's a couple of things they could do to just try and move their business forward
Becca:
00:32:11
and kind of get out of that mindset?
Amber:
00:32:13
Yeah, I think experience sharing quite frankly.
Amber:
00:32:16
I When I found myself in that position about three years into my business I
Amber:
00:32:22
found a mentor and a coach and that's actually how I discovered Refine.
Amber:
00:32:25
I did not experience start and create refine.
Amber:
00:32:29
I, I acquired and purchased it in 2018 from my business mentor.
Amber:
00:32:34
And so I'm, I'm a result of refine.
Amber:
00:32:37
I went through the program and it, quite frankly, I will attribute
Amber:
00:32:42
that to getting my marriage back, my motherhood back, my joy in business back.
Amber:
00:32:46
Like I was just, I hit that wall.
Amber:
00:32:48
I didn't, it wasn't fun.
Amber:
00:32:50
I didn't want to do it.
Amber:
00:32:50
I was working too much for too little.
Amber:
00:32:52
And, you know, my kids were just.
Amber:
00:32:55
Growing up with, you know a mom behind a computer, a computer screen and our phone
Amber:
00:33:01
and so having found a mentor really helped me and making sure that my business was
Amber:
00:33:07
running efficiently with automation and that I was outsourcing and, you know, It's
Amber:
00:33:13
easy to say it takes money to make money.
Amber:
00:33:14
And that is true.
Amber:
00:33:15
It's absolutely true, but it has to be thrown at the right things.
Amber:
00:33:18
It has to have, you have to really evaluate and study ROI and where
Amber:
00:33:21
you're investing and outsourcing.
Amber:
00:33:22
And I think for me, it started with, what do I not like doing?
Amber:
00:33:27
And what, what am I not good at doing?
Amber:
00:33:29
Okay.
Amber:
00:33:29
Well, What would it mean to have someone else do those things or sometimes again?
Amber:
00:33:33
Like I said, you have to just show up and do hard things that you don't
Amber:
00:33:35
like is what it is Maybe there are some things that I like doing But it's
Amber:
00:33:40
not the best use of my time because I don't make money doing it, right?
Amber:
00:33:44
Like I need to spend my time where I'm making money.
Amber:
00:33:46
So maybe sometimes even those get outsourced But I find my motivation
Amber:
00:33:51
comes from fresh ideas surrounding myself with people You My whole mantra is never
Amber:
00:33:57
be the smartest person in the room, always surround yourself with brilliant
Amber:
00:34:00
people with, you know, creatives and visionaries and, and that can either be
Amber:
00:34:07
mentorship that you pay for, or it can be, I'm going to, I'm going to start a
Amber:
00:34:11
group of five people and we meet once a month and just download together.
Amber:
00:34:14
And Getting audits on my business, I think has always been really helpful.
Amber:
00:34:18
An outside look, someone willing to be honest and say, Hey, as a
Amber:
00:34:22
consumer, if I jump on your website, this is how I see it, you know?
Amber:
00:34:28
And so having real honest feedback on, you know, websites, social media,
Amber:
00:34:34
your, your offerings and how they're delivered, things like that can,
Amber:
00:34:39
can generate ideas and excitement.
Becca:
00:34:40
Yeah, definitely.
Becca:
00:34:41
I think an outside perspective on what you're doing is so important because
Becca:
00:34:44
we spend so long in our own businesses inside our own heads and I can go on to
Becca:
00:34:48
someone else's website and I could give them a full review of their website.
Becca:
00:34:52
But if someone else went on my website, they could probably do the
Becca:
00:34:54
same for me because, you know, we can't see what's right in front of
Becca:
00:34:58
us, what we're living all of the time.
Becca:
00:34:59
And I see that a lot, actually, with people.
Becca:
00:35:01
professionals when they're at a kind of a dip in the road.
Becca:
00:35:03
They do just need that outside perspective, someone to give them
Becca:
00:35:06
a new idea or something to come in to take them to that next place.
Amber:
00:35:10
And if you really want that, if you're listening and you really
Amber:
00:35:12
want that, you really want someone to be honest with you about it.
Amber:
00:35:15
When you go to them and ask them whether you paid them to do it or it's, you know,
Amber:
00:35:19
a case study with a group of friends or whatever, tell them that like, emphasize
Amber:
00:35:24
it as much as you can in the front.
Amber:
00:35:26
Like you only helped me by being honest.
Amber:
00:35:28
I, this only, the only reason we're here is because I desperately need.
Amber:
00:35:32
your true feedback.
Amber:
00:35:33
So don't sugarcoat it.
Amber:
00:35:35
Don't try to, you know, salvage my feelings here.
Amber:
00:35:38
Obviously deliver with kindness.
Amber:
00:35:40
Like, don't, don't tear me apart here.
Amber:
00:35:42
But like, really and truly, like, I, I can only grow with your honesty.
Amber:
00:35:48
And when they see that you're, you're going to receive it and
Amber:
00:35:51
you're teachable, you're more likely to get the help that you need.
Becca:
00:35:55
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:35:56
Amber, it's been such a pleasure talking to you.
Becca:
00:35:58
We've gone all over the houses.
Becca:
00:36:00
I've loved it.
Becca:
00:36:00
We've talked about so many different topics and you've given so many great
Becca:
00:36:03
pieces of advice, but I always end the podcast with the same question.
Becca:
00:36:07
So I'm going to give that one to you now.
Becca:
00:36:08
And it's this, what is one thing you personally wish you'd
Becca:
00:36:11
known sooner in your own life?
Becca:
00:36:13
business.
Amber:
00:36:15
It's funny.
Amber:
00:36:16
We were talking earlier.
Amber:
00:36:17
I was like, Oh no, I'm answering.
Amber:
00:36:18
I'm already answering that question.
Amber:
00:36:19
I think having a mentor, having someone that I could call or text or, you know,
Amber:
00:36:26
know is I have a meeting already scheduled with in a week or two was, I wish I
Amber:
00:36:31
had had that sooner in my business.
Amber:
00:36:33
I really do.
Becca:
00:36:34
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:36:34
And the accountability part of that as well.
Becca:
00:36:36
I always find if I'm meeting someone and I've got to have
Becca:
00:36:38
done something by the time I meet them, it always makes me do it.
Becca:
00:36:41
It's a bit like going to like Slimming World or whatever and knowing that
Becca:
00:36:44
you've got to stand on those scales, it gives you the motivation to do it.
Becca:
00:36:47
I'm exactly the same if I have a mentor in my business.
Becca:
00:36:50
Like, I do not want to let them down.
Becca:
00:36:52
If they've set me a task to do, I'm going to go back there and I'm
Becca:
00:36:54
going to show them they did it.
Becca:
00:36:55
So it sounds like you're the same kind of way.
Amber:
00:36:58
Same, but also having a quality mentor that allows you to show up
Amber:
00:37:01
because without having done it.
Amber:
00:37:04
not consist, not all the time, but will also extend grace and like,
Amber:
00:37:07
you know what, this does have a new business and, and then, and then
Amber:
00:37:10
leads you well through that too.
Becca:
00:37:12
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:37:14
Amber, if people want to find out more about you, if they want to find out more
Becca:
00:37:17
about Refine, where's the best places for them to find you on the internet?
Amber:
00:37:21
Thank you for asking.
Amber:
00:37:22
You can go to right now, Instagram is the best place.
Amber:
00:37:26
So, Refine for wedding planners.
Amber:
00:37:28
And then same with the website www.
Amber:
00:37:33
refinedforweddingplanners.
Amber:
00:37:34
com And I have I try to bridge the gap between all different categories.
Amber:
00:37:37
So focus is on planners, but I want to hear from all of you.
Amber:
00:37:40
if you, if you hear me teaching something, you're like, that hurts my category.
Amber:
00:37:43
Please.
Amber:
00:37:44
shoot me a DM and say, ah, reteach that.
Amber:
00:37:48
I want to hear it.
Becca:
00:37:49
Yeah, absolutely.
Becca:
00:37:50
Do reach out to Amber.
Becca:
00:37:50
If you've heard something in this episode that's resonated with you, or maybe the
Becca:
00:37:53
stuff around health, she's put together some great resources to help people who
Becca:
00:37:57
are going through similar health issues.
Becca:
00:37:59
So if that is you and that speaks to you, reach out to her in the DMs.
Becca:
00:38:02
I'm sure she would love to share that with you.
Becca:
00:38:04
Amber, it's been so much fun.
Becca:
00:38:05
I cannot wait to see you in person somewhere soon, maybe here
Becca:
00:38:08
in the UK, definitely in Vegas.
Becca:
00:38:11
I'm looking forward to more selfies.
Becca:
00:38:14
Thank you so much.
Becca:
00:38:16
You're welcome.
Becca:
00:38:18
I love that conversation with Amber.
Becca:
00:38:19
We went all over the place, but there was so many nuggets of gold in there.
Becca:
00:38:23
I always love hearing people's stories.
Becca:
00:38:25
I think we learn so much from other people's experiences.
Becca:
00:38:28
And as I said earlier in the episode, if something resonated with you and
Becca:
00:38:31
you want to talk about it further, do reach out to Amber, reach out to me.
Becca:
00:38:34
Don't face it alone.
Becca:
00:38:36
See you next time.
