Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this engaging conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the challenges and realities of the holiday season, the importance of setting realistic goals for the New Year, and the necessity of establishing boundaries in family dynamics. They emphasize the significance of embracing change, living authentically, and finding happiness amidst life's chaos. The dialogue encourages listeners to focus on personal growth and self-discovery, highlighting that true happiness comes from within and is not dependent on external factors. In this conversation, Robb and Tina explore the themes of happiness, relationships, and personal growth. They discuss the importance of self-worth, the impact of mindset on happiness, and the necessity of gratitude in overcoming negativity. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of setting boundaries in relationships, embracing change, and learning from failure as essential steps towards a fulfilling life. Ultimately, they encourage listeners to take risks, live fully, and prioritize their own happiness.

Explicit

DGTTwisted@gmail.com

Copyright 2024 Dont get this Twisted

This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show. Don't get this twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina? you know, trying to catch you off guard and hit and record before you were ready. I did. I thought, hey, you know, just catch you. That's better that way. But yeah, I'm doing all right, you know, getting by. It's December and Christmas is coming and...

I'm hanging in there, Rob. How you doing?

You totally did. I'm like, we're not talking about this anymore. Okay.

Yes, it works.

You know, just the holidays and being a bit humbug and you know, doing my thing. We'll see. Yeah. But, what about you? Mm-hmm. I see that.

I catch ya.

Well, you know, we're still in the process of doing our, our, it's supposed to be a kitchen remodel turned into a half the house remodel. My cat's actually laying here because there's construction going on. So I put it on her instead of me. We could see each other through the computer. So I just have it set up for the cat. The cat for some reason is really tired and all she wants to do is be with me. So she's in here chilling and

Nice. Yeah, there's a lot going on.

Yeah, so the construction's going on. There's life going on. I got to see one of my coworkers I hadn't seen since before COVID and she was like my work mom. So I just got back from dinner with her real quick and there's just so much going on. just have to, you just have to ask me what's going on next. What's going on next with, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. I think the same way and you know, everyone I'm talking to is either doesn't want to do Christmas or has so much shit to do that it's stressing everybody out. So I get it. I mean, I'm kind of lucky because I only have my kid. So and actually I bought his gift today and he told me what he wanted. So that was done. And then I got a couple of things.

Mm-hmm.

for my friend down the street's grandkids, like small stuff. So I really don't, I don't have a lot of people to shop for. And then I got her a little something, but that's it. So I'm kind of lucky when it comes to that. But yeah, besides that, not much, but I thought, you know, we've done shows before and I would love to tell you which year, but I can't remember. That's just me being honest. We talked about it before.

Nice.

Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha!

I know we've done them on New Year's resolutions and look, New Year's resolutions are a kind of a funny thing. Some people are great at them and stick to them. Most people, because we did the statistics, don't. mean, they fall off very quickly. Me and the girl down the street were talking about the gym as we go to ask crackadon. And she's like, I can't.

Mm-hmm.

Can't wait until March when all the people who you know come in January and February start going away come March Thankfully for us we go up four in the morning So I don't think even the new people are gonna go that early So I don't think that we're going to see that but I guarantee you people will see it come the five o'clock six o'clock seven o'clock Where it's just gonna be insane to go there But I get it

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely.

But I wanted to kind of talk about like, New Year knew me. More like a realistic goal to set, not something that's like, I want to lose weight or I want to, you know, do this or do that. Most of those. I hate to say nonsensical ones, but that the ones that most people say. I think.

how do we look at the reality of who we are right now and how do we change that? And I mean on whatever level it is you are looking at. Personal stuff, mental state, doing things differently with your mate, whatever it is, because there's so many real world things that I think that you should look at come the new year that we pawn them off on all these, you know,

Mm-hmm.

Like losing weight is the big one. It's like, okay, most people fail because they, they look at it from there instead of looking at it as a life choice. And I think that everything else should be a life choice. Kind of.

Mm-hmm.

yeah, especially losing weight. you're, if you're not liking something about yourself and you want to change it, like do it as a lifestyle, not as I'm going to try to do this and change it and then go back to the way you were. Cause that kind of defeats the purpose.

Correct. And that's what I mean when it comes to like your mental, your mental stage or, or where you see yourself with people. Cause I think that, look, some people, whether it's family, friends, relationships, some people you have to distance yourself from. So it's good for your mental health. Good for your future. Good for

Mm-hmm.

your present. And I think that the present is where you really need it to be where because the future changes based on what you do in the present. So you can't say, I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to talk to this person or I'm not going to see this person or I'm going to break up with my boyfriend and go things will be better in eight months. It's like, well, they better be better in eight months because that's the whole point. The

yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Present is what's going to change eight months from now. mm-hmm, go.

Mm-hmm.

I, you talk about not talking to people. I have a cousin and her girlfriend that don't want to have anything to do with me or my brother. So they don't have communication with us. They actually made it to where the families are split. The two brothers, my dad and my uncle now do a holiday separately. And I finally was like, you know, I'm tired of, of pussy foot and around the situation. And my aunt was sitting there and she's like, well,

since you don't have a kitchen, do the remodel. We'll just have Thanksgiving over at my house." And I said, no, we won't. We're going to have it over here so that my aunt could go. My uncle's ex-wife doesn't have anywhere to go. Sure, family is all gone. The only thing she has is her kids and her son is the one that feels guilty. So I said, just bring her. We'll do it over it. I still house it for my ex. So we're having, we had Thanksgiving at my ex's.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

He knew that everybody was coming and he was more than happy to open his home to us And so we made it over there so that she could show up because if we did it at my uncle's house She would not be invited. I don't have my mom. I know what it's like to miss my mom on the holidays So there's no fn way. I'm gonna put my cousin through it. So I include my aunt well my cousin's sister doesn't speak to me or have anything to do with me nor does her her wife and

So that's why the holidays are separate. So I finally told my aunt I said, you know We're doing it over here because everybody's gonna be included. I don't think this exclusive Family bullshit is working for me or my brother or my dad So we're just gonna go with the family that wants to be with us Well, lo and behold it ended up where that cousin was gonna be out of town, too So my aunt and uncle didn't have any family plans that they were gonna do so they

You

Had to ask me the next day if they could show up and I and I was like this is how my brother and I do things so Listen clearly if you want to show up on a holiday call and say what can I bring or? What time is dinner or hey? I'm showing up or you don't even have to call just show up. You know I don't if you're asking for an invitation I'm never gonna give you one This is your invitation from now until the day I die if you want to be around us show up

Mm-hmm.

and It ended up being just fine. They showed up everybody got along she kind of took over like well I'm gonna call so-and-so and tell them to bring this and I'm gonna go ahead like that's not the way I do things I let everybody call me and say hey are we doing it what time and What's what's left over to bring but everybody over the years brings the same shit? So it's not like anybody wants to change anything up We all do it and I don't have to communicate all that shit. You know, I'm too busy

Mm-hmm.

getting everything ready, helping my dad out, doing whatever I got to do. But I was proud of myself that I finally said something because family turmoil pisses me off. It's like, okay, so, and the reasons for it, I was told that they don't like me because I'm too Tina. I can't be anybody but Tina and that's not gonna change. So they should just get over

You

Nobody knows why they quit speaking to my brother or my dad, but at least I have an excuse You know, I'm to me, but I don't give a shit. I'm always gonna be me My brother's always gonna be my brother We're always gonna stay together and whoever wants to exclude themselves could see themselves at the door and I finally did that this year and it felt really good and then to hear that my uncle and aunt didn't have anywhere to go I thought that was hilarious too. I was like serves you right for trying to keep everything separate like

You

Y'all, you you got all your kids, that's great. You know, have them. But whose house are you still coming to? Damn it.

And I think that's kind of what I'm talking about. It's it's. Whether it's a new attitude. Right. Or a new way of thinking. We all need to do that. There's look there's there's always going to be turmoil and chaos. That's just. That's life. Real life is.

Mm-hmm.

finding the good in a bunch of turmoil. But I like what you're saying. You have to be you. You're not going to be liked sometimes. And I think that when you realize that not being liked is because you've put up a boundary, or

Yeah.

you

Yes?

you finally put your foot down and said look I can't do this or I don't want to do this you know I want to be happy too and that's what I think needs to be done on the new years for people find out who you are even if it's on a small level decide what it is and then move fucking forward with it

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I was talking to my friend today and we're sitting in the sauna and we just started talking about like life like in general and I looked at her and I said what do we have about 20 years if we're lucky and she said the exact same thing she goes I probably I don't think I'm gonna live that long and all right so for me I think

If we're lucky. Yeah.

I have a different outlook and I've had it for the last couple of years that look, I'm going to jump in feet first on a lot of shit now. Because look, the slow boat isn't working. And, and trust me, I've tried it. I've been trying like, look, I and I understand where people are at. And sometimes you have to

hell yeah, and you should.

you

inch the way in to make sure everything's all right but sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and jump in and go look sink or swim and if we sink whatever and that's with everybody nothing yeah

Really at this point, what are we losing? Besides time. That's it. That's all we're losing. it doesn't make sense to me to not do something because of whatever asinine excuse you have. I always tell my friends this. Look, I want to be on my deathbed. Hopefully I don't even have a deathbed. I just want to be dead. Like just up one minute, down the next. I just want it to be done like that. Everybody knows how I feel about them.

And they just need to remember. So for that, I don't even need a death bed. But if I have the opportunity to have to sit there and think about my life, I want to say, wow, I really shouldn't have done that. That was the dumbest idea I ever came up with. But it sure was fun. Instead of I wish I would have done that or what was I thinking? Why didn't I try that or whatever it is? But I think I've been like that since COVID.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I bought the Harley I I I got divorced. I gave up on a lot of friendships that weren't serving my peace. wasn't bringing me happiness. It wasn't it wasn't where I wanted to be. So I had to stop and be where I wanted to be. And, know, life for me is so much better. And maybe I am too much, Tina. I don't know how much is enough because I'm still working on that bitch. But if I'm already bugging you, just wait till you see what I'm going to do next, because

It's gonna piss you off and it's gonna piss you off because I'm the reminder that you're not living a life that makes you happy.

Mm-hmm. Well, and I think that's why people try to bring you down. You know, it's, it's, the thing is this is,

Mm-hmm.

You know, you can go down every the only live once all these things but the biggest thing I was watching some guy talk about he was a nurse or Somewhere in that medical field and he was around thousands of people's deathbeds and he goes the biggest thing for both men and women are regret I wish I would have done this

Yeah.

whatever it is, you know, I wish I would have jumped out of an airplane. I wish I would have asked the girl out, whatever, whatever they are. Regret is a big thing. And I think that these are the things we need to change every new year because, look, we should change them every day, if we're gonna be honest. But we're talking about coming to the end of this year.

You're going to ruffle people's feathers. That's just reality. Whether it's your best friend, your mate, your children, whoever. You're going to, they're going to not like something you do. You're going to have to just tell yourself, this is me.

I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore and move forward with whatever it is. And I'm talking anything move out of the state, get a new job, you know, get a divorce, break up with your boyfriend, whatever it is, because repercussions come with all those. But so does regret if you don't. So it's a fine line to where, you know,

Mm-hmm.

We let our children dictate a lot of things in our life, which I understand. Look, mostly when they're young. But once they get older, I think there's a part where you have to stand your ground. And I've had some issues lately with mine. I think that I did a good job as a single dad. I do.

But I also, without a doubt, look, he's never been to prison, you know, he has never done anything with the law, he's a good kid. He's lazy. And I probably didn't help that situation any. And I'm trying to step back and change this going forward where I told him not too long ago, look dude, I...

Yeah, you got a good kid, for sure.

This could all end in a few months and I might leave and I might change my attitude. I may, you know, decide to become a roommate with somebody, whatever it is. Because, you know, they need it. He needs a start. He needs a push. But I also need to have a life that I want to live, that I want to do something. Look, I've paid my dues. I love my child wholeheartedly. He's going to be 22 in a couple of days.

I want to try to live the last 20 years of my life or 25 or 30 if I'm lucky But I want to I want the front end years to be the better years You know, I heard this guy talk about he was a comedian He goes, know if you eat healthy and you do all this cool stuff and you know You're you can add five years to your life and he goes but it's the shitty five years you're adding when you wish you were dead He goes

Mm-hmm.

You know, I would rather live a better life on this end. And that's what I was telling my friend, like, yes, we need to live now and worry about the latter years when the latter years are here. You know, take your chance. Do something different, you know, whatever it is. And, and, you know, I might push her in a certain direction because I like her. But I, you know, my thing is it. What the fuck? Who cares? It's.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and that's with anybody. Anything that you're gonna try right now, you could, unless you have a career, I don't wanna say like go quit in your job at 25 years, but people have done that and been fine. But if you're, you know, and if you're not happy in the state, leave, I did it for two years and came back home. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Under the right circumstances, I'd pack my shit up and leave again.

Yep.

because we're at a point where things need to move forward and every new year should be a new me. You should continue to change yourself and morph yourself and find your happiness. Whatever that is. Look, I've heard people literally tell me that they don't know what happiness is because they don't think they've ever been happy. And I can

Mm-hmm.

sort of understand that because I can't tell you that I've been because I because I don't know I don't know what true happiness is have I had good parts of my life absolutely but

You know what true happiness is because you feel it when you're not paying attention and you're going along living your life and And you catch yourself just being in a place where you're happy. That's what it is. I Mean that should be happy happening every day

Yeah, I you're right and you know what sometimes being complacent is being happy I know people don't like to hear that

It's not being complacent. You got to be it's okay for you to be in the moment and Find the happiness in that and you should be you should be doing that every day You got it. You make your reality. I find my life is freaking hard right now. I'm living with my dad I'm doing all this construction to the house

The the contractors a pain in my butt even though I adore him like he's a friend of mine But he's he's rough around the edges and he's hard to deal with sometimes and he's demanding and so is my dad and You know I'm having to run in circles and I have a job and I'm Doing basket weaving because that's what I want to do and I got a Harley I can't ride because I always got to be here for this that or the other right now I'm house-sitting my ex's house Taking care of my animals over there. Like I'm doing some crazy shit

Mm-hmm.

Right.

That that is it's it's rough. It's hard. It's it's work. And but you know what? I was driving in the car today coming home from having lunch with my work mom from before covid and and I was thinking about it like I told her all these amazing things that I'm doing. It wasn't like, well, I miss this or I miss that. I was like, life is fun right now. And I thought to myself, I found it. I found the happy place. I found the good time and it wasn't in

It wasn't in a guy. It wasn't in my job. It wasn't like I was sitting there talking to her I'm like, even though all this is going on, I'm still happy and it's all coming from me. I don't know how that started and I didn't really know me and you were going to talk about this today because you tell me we're going to talk about this. like, all right, whatever. just in one ear out the other. I'm, ready for whatever you want to talk about. So I don't put a lot of, time in,

Mm-hmm.

thought into it, just, off the cuff. And I was like, I am happy. I did find it. I found peace. I found maturity. I found gratitude. And, and, you know, there's so many things I could, I could concentrate on the bad things about, you know, about a boyfriend or money or

Mm-hmm.

Sure.

You know, the list is long of things that we could bitch about, like I've got a ton of things, but truly, in my own heart, like, I'm kind of free from a lot of things that were keeping me down or making me sad or making me feel like I wasn't good enough. I got rid of all that. And now life isn't so bad. I mean, it's still trying. Of course it's trying, but is it really bad? No.

I couldn't say that when we started this podcast that I was in a good place at all. I wasn't happy. I was scared. It was COVID time. I didn't know what was going to come next. I was getting a divorce. I was moving home. I didn't know where any money was going to come from. didn't, I had, I had so many uncertainties that I had to find peace with the uncertainties and I did. And now I'm like,

I could do that. could do anything. I buried my mom. I was the one that found her. If I could do that, I could do anything. You know, the miscarriages, the divorce, everything. If I could do all that and still, and I'm still here, I could be happy. I could do it. I could find it. And sometimes it's just in letting all the stuff that you thought about. I like people, people in

You

Right.

My brain don't make sense to me. My my friend said God won't honor me unless I do this Nobody's going to love me unless I look like this or What I've heard so many things and I'm like, well shit, let's just talk about this. God's not gonna honor you Are you happy because that's being honored if you're not happy you're not honoring God so who's doing what to who?

Right.

There's that part then I'm like I have been heavy all my life and it's never stopped me from dating getting laid having a Anything anything I wanted my size did not stop me and I was always the tallest the biggest girl that I that I knew and I think I've had a pretty freakin full life or We could talk about like well, you know

When I save up this, I'm going to take that vacation or I'm going to do that. You've been saying that for 20 years. Quit spending the money on Starbucks every day and get your head, your, your self out of here. Go and do it. Like I found a way to just do anything I've wanted to do. And that is finding the happiness. I'm, starting to get the, I'm starting to get it. You know, it's, it's all in you and it's not coming from a love of another person or your kids like loving, you know,

Right. Right. Right.

It comes from you If you're not happy if your thoughts are all fucked up all the time change your thoughts It's that simple quit saying what's next? And start saying i'm gonna have a great life and i'm not gonna worry about what's next. You don't need to ask what's next Just keep moving

Yeah, because what's next will come. Yeah, right. Yeah, before right before you know it. Yeah, you know, you're right, though.

It does. And boy, comes. I'm going to say it. It'll come all over your face. it was supposed to be right before, know, but do.

We were talking today and my friend said, know, a person, she was talking about being in a relationship again. She's like, you know, I'm not gonna settle and I'm not gonna force anything and I'll be alone at the end if, you whatever, if I don't find somebody. And no, but I do agree with her to a point, but, cause look, a person cannot make you happy if you're not happy.

And you will with that train of thought.

No, that it's your feelings that come from your negative or positive outlooks.

Right, because if you are happy and you find somebody who's good for you, they're just going to make it better. Do you know what I mean? So, and I do agree with that. Look, I know that a person in my life is not going to make my life better if I'm shitty and down and not in a good place. I'm just going to bring them down with me.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. It could stop the loneliness though.

It yeah, but stopping the loneliness these days isn't We we have FaceTime, we have texting. I'm I'm talking about a real relationship that you're in with somebody that you see daily and and you do things with and. Look, I I. Posted something on on on Facebook that said. You know when when the sex stops.

right?

you realize that there was nothing in the relationship because you have to have a mental connection and I think that that's totally true. Sex is super important but what brings happiness to somebody is their their aura, their inside, their what how they make you feel. No I I'm not no but that's it physical intimacy is

And sex. Sex is important. I don't think that anybody should discard that.

is is very important. I don't I'm not trying to take that away. But what I'm saying is is that if but if you took it away, a lot of relationships would end. Because there is no mental connection, there is no, you know, thing for that. And I think that this is the vision that you have to start looking at going forward for this new year. Like, how can I change my way of thinking about everything? Like,

You have to change your thought process and and and look I'm not one to say that I know how to do it because I wish I did because if I did I'd be I'd probably be in a different place as well my thought process I'm an over thinker it will it buries me I mean and I mean can be very me bad to the point where like Years ago, I would wake up at 1 30 in the morning and never go back to sleep. I would stare at the ceiling and

Hmm.

thoughts would just butcher my mind horribly. They don't as much anymore. Now I can wake up and I try to tell myself, you know, I talk to myself and calm myself down and go to sleep. But I understand that, you know, it's not easy to change your mindset.

But it's not hard either. It's not.

Not in doses. I think we should micro dose ourself every day with positive thinking. mind will, whatever you feed your brain, it's going to believe. And if you feed it positive reinforcement, like this is gonna work and I'm gonna make it and we're gonna make this happen and we're gonna do this. Your mind when it sleeps actually believes it and starts thinking. But if you put negative thoughts into it, like

You know...

Absolutely.

I'm not going to be able to pay my bills. I'm going to lose this. I'm going to lose my, my girl. I'm going to do all these things. Literally it will drive you into the ground.

You also got to remember that your thoughts will manifest you manifest what you want and if you want things to be miserable and you talk miserable to yourself and you think miserable That's what you're gonna get out of it when I was going through the worst of the worst I had heard from somebody you cannot be unhappy if you sit in gratitude So I would literally think of all the things I had

Mm-hmm.

to be happy for, to be grateful for. And I would say them out loud, I was grateful for my niece and nephew because when they laughed, they'd crack me up. I was grateful that I had a roof on my head, it matter that it was my dad's roof, it was a roof. I was grateful that I woke up in the morning. so some of those are kind of like, they're not really all that worth being grateful for. I mean, they're not like big things, right? But.

you find that the little things all add up and that they start to they start to make you look at bigger things and and you get to see Bigger things that you need to be grateful for and you know, I was grateful for sunlight Because rain really depresses me and when the weatherman would say, it's gonna rain tomorrow I think fuck I'd get depressed from the get

Mm-hmm.

So when I'd wake up and I saw the sun, I'm like, hey, I'm grateful for the sun today. The sun came out. It wasn't rain. And you know, and I think about those things. know money can really stress people out and nobody has enough, but you could be grateful that you have a roof over your head and you have peanut butter in your jar and you're going to eat today. Like it could be that simple. Sure. It's not like the big

Right.

You know, you could have whatever you want in abundance life. It's not it's not that we're not supposed to live that way. It's OK to struggle, but we could be grateful for the struggle. We could be grateful for the people that are in our struggle and we could be grateful for the fact that we're going to live to see ourselves through the struggle. And and people need to start looking at that. And if you think that you're always going to be alone, you are always going to be alone.

You when I was younger I used to think nobody's gonna want to date me because of my size I'm not gonna probably not gonna go to prom and then I thought yeah, I am you're just gonna go to prom Well, I had a boyfriend all through high school. I don't know what my problem was I I dated it I dated several people and then I went to prom and I did everything that I wanted to But I I do believe it was because I manifested it. I kept a positive attitude I had faith I believed in what I was saying and I believed in myself. I was lovable

Mm-hmm.

You know, you could be lovable and still want to date assholes and you've if you picked a bunch of assholes and and that's what you're you're You're gonna Judge yourself on then then that's how it's gonna continue if you say yeah, you know what? I've learned all my lessons Now i'm going for greatness. This is what I tell myself all the time being single I'm not going to settle for the guy that won't show up. I'm not going to settle for the guy that won't dance with me

Continue.

I'm not going to settle for the guy that that puts everybody in front of me. You know, I'm going to be the priority. I'm going to be and not that not that I'm going to be selfish or insecure. I'm going to pick the guy that wants that for me. And I do believe I'm going to find somebody as a matter of fact, I believe I'm to find somebody this year. I'm out there. I'm doing my thing. I'm living a good life. I'm a good person and

Mm-hmm.

I kind of make people's lives better because I am honest and I am consistent and I do show up and I'm a great friend if a friend needs me I show up and I and always say can I help you do you need anything like I'm not worried. I'm not worried because I've worked on myself enough. I know I'm a good person and I bet you more than most people in this world

I believe that if you're a good person, you will have what you need when you let yourself need it. And most people in this earth, they don't believe that they don't think it they think gloom and doom they think there's something wrong with them. Your picker may be off when it comes to relationships, but that doesn't mean you're a bad person and you deserve what you got. You set the barrier for what you're going to have.

Yeah, you set the bar. And...

Yeah, it's a barrier though because you really will pick somebody that won't go over that line Because you feel shitty about yourself or you feel that yes Absolutely, and and I hear you know, I'm a hairdresser I sit behind a chair and I listen to people bitch all the time and I tell them the same thing You're right. You're gonna get exactly what you just said because that's what you're putting out into the universe

Yeah, you feel you don't deserve it. Yeah.

So until you change your shitty attitude, and I talk to them like that, until you change your shitty attitude, you're gonna get shitty people in your

Mm hmm. It's true. I mean, at the end of the day, yes. Look, I think that is again part of what I'm what I'm trying to say about just in general, like you you have you have to look at yourself and realize that if you've been in shitty relationships, try something new. If you're having a bad relationship with your family.

Boom.

Change your outlook.

It's okay to step backwards. you... and like friends. Look, I'm a big supporter that if you have friends that are doing nothing but bringing you down with their shit, sometimes you have to push people overboard. And it sucks. again, like I've talked about it on here before, if you're hanging out with single people...

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

and you're and you want something more they're going to generally be gloom and doom because they they're not happy but the first time they get somebody they'll you'll see that they'll disappear because they were only there because they wanted you to also be single because that's so were they so it's okay to get rid of people

So that happens, yes. I've had a friend for about 24 years. She's always been rather negative. And she started cheating on her boyfriend. Now her boyfriend, if he finds out, he will kill her. I have no doubt about that. You just have to trust that. Anyway, she's cheating on her boyfriend. And we went out to lunch and she didn't have her money with her, but she said she would sell me.

Mm-hmm.

She was she was basically texting this guy all through lunch saying look what I'm eating and he said well Bring me something and she said well, what do you want? And he like gave him gave her a list of like four different roles She's like I'm not buying that asshole all this I'm like Why are we buying him anything? But whatever and I told her I said, know, I don't want to be a part of this so you could buy his food you could do it I don't want to know because I don't I don't

Right.

Like being in a situation. I'd rather not know what you're doing with that You know if you're not happy with your husband or your boyfriend or whatever the hell he is do what you got to do However, I just don't want to be a part of it. Well, she she was pissed off and it ended up being a shitty lunch But it was going to be I wasn't I didn't even want to go but you can't ever You can't cancel on her otherwise it's a problem so I just went anyway

Then it was a problem anyway. Then we left and then that night I got a text saying, what kind of fucked up friend are you that you don't have my back? I've never done that to you. Yada, yada, yada. And lose my number by bitch. then she blocked and then she wrote blocked. She blocked me, guess, on something. I don't know. So I said nothing. The next day, she's like, I'm sorry I did that. But you know, you were wrong. Blah, blah. So wasn't an apology. It was just she didn't get out enough.

Right.

frustration and she went at me again and I Didn't answer her I'm over it and then she sent it she sent me a text with a period and again I'm still over it like I don't know about you But I don't shift gears that much if I tell you that I have a problem with something I'm gonna have a problem with it and I'm sorry, but I don't want to be I don't want to know that you were cheating on him if you're gonna cheat on him do your thing I'm okay with that

Now I have I'm I'm part of it.

I don't want to be drug into it because when he kills you, I'm stuck it. Yeah, I'm stuck in it now. Yes. And, and I was just like, you know what? You don't make me anywhere near a better person than I was before I walked into this situation. So why am I putting my attention into you? I just haven't texted her back or called her. I didn't fight. I don't defend myself. I don't need to defend my actions. I have to live with myself. And so

Right. Right.

She's, you know, putting her stuff out on social media about what a real friend is. And I know it's all thrown my way. And guess what? I don't freaking care because I'm standing by my standards that I have for the type of person that I need to be. Now, I may not have been that good of a person a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, but I am now. And get on board or get off the train because I don't have time.

to put up with this misery and shit that you're putting yourself through. I don't want it.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I've seen it around a lot with a lot of different people around me.

Mm-hmm.

And I think that that is the thing of, you know, how do we become a new person? And look, I don't have the answer. I wish it was, I wish you could just turn it off and on. It would be, it would probably be a much better world. But a lot of the things that are happening are with people that are, you know, very important to us. And when that happens, it becomes very difficult, like family.

Like I said, me and my son, I had said something to him about looking to move out. Not kicking him out, just saying, look, maybe it's your time. And first thing he did was, you're kicking me out. if you do that and I leave, I hate you and I'll never talk to you again. And I went, OK.

And see what he's saying is, I'm not prepared because I'm lazy and I'm not getting my shit together. That's really what it boils down to. So it's not on you, it's on him. He's got to some point take control of his own life and run with it, just like we all had to. And you can't be forced into a situation because he doesn't want to grow up. That's bullshit.

Correct. Right, well, and I want to do something else, you know, like a. You know, at some point.

Mm-hmm.

You know, maybe I'll meet somebody that I want to have a real relationship with. And I'm talking like move in, get married again, something, whatever that is. And look, I want we all want our children to be part of our life. You know, I don't if I meet somebody or or I end up dating somebody that I want to my son, I want him to like them. And it's funny because. The person that I do like.

She questioned him one time like, I don't think he likes me. And my son sent me a text one not too long ago that was like, hey, you know, you should invite her over more because I think she would make the house better like hanging out here. Because if anything, I usually go and hang out there because obviously I have a dog and she's allergic or and but he was like, you know, see if she can come here because.

We all had fun at her house one day and he goes, I think she'd liven up the place like her coming here. Because when we're together, like we laugh and we have a good time. And I think that, and she's a great mother figure. And I think he is missing that. And, and I liked that part. But those are the things that like, I know he'll still have, but he has to become an adult. And sometimes we have to tell our children, like that's the new.

me like or this is me and I have to be different because it's bringing me down and and I don't want to do that. I don't want to I don't have a lot of time left. So and I know that sounds horrible because it's 20 years but 20 years is a blink of an eye. My kid will be 22. So yeah, they're the clock is ticking and and again it shouldn't be you shouldn't settle because the clock's ticking.

Yeah, the older you get, the more you realize it's not a lot of time.

But you should also take chances because the clock is ticking. Because at the end of the day, yeah, because look, could things go horribly wrong absolutely, absolutely, at any moment. Well, but that's part of the, think that's what makes, I'm mostly in a relationship thing. That's what makes the relationship tick. I, you know, I,

You should just take chances because you're alive.

at any freaking moment.

Mm-hmm.

If you're if you're in with somebody good, it's, you know, you should not stress about your relationship, but it should always be fun and energetic. And because here's the thing, you could have a great relationship and it's going awesome. And I could drive to work tomorrow and die in a car accident. But at least you can say, hey, we had this, you know, great three years together, whatever it is.

Instead of me going to work and dying in a car accident and now you're like man I really wish we would have tried something while he was still here or why she was still here Because those are the regrets that I don't I will never live with I'm going to come this new year. I'm going to

change my outlook on how I do things. And, and sometimes you got to, you got to do new things and you have to take chances and you have to look at the world differently. And you have to deal with other humans differently. You have to put people under the gun, whether it's your children or not, whether it's your friends or not, whether it's your mate or not. You have

Well, and if you get friends, you find some that are good with change, find some that are willing to like do it with you. Gosh, there's so many wonderful things that we all should be doing and could be doing. And we should find people that want to do them with us.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I just think that like at the end of the day, the new year, the resolutions sound great on paper. They really do. And look,

that if you if you think that that can push you forward, absolutely do it. Decide on a resolution. But I think that we should really, really, really look at our our inner id us our our soul, whatever it is, and really change whatever you need to do to make yourself a better person and happier, whatever happy is to you.

And if somebody doesn't want to be with you, let them find out from a distance. I used to think that you needed to prove you were worthy or that you had worth in order to be loved. Now I'm like, fuck that. you're not interested, cool. Let me see myself to the door because I'm on to the next. You know, I'm there somebody for everybody. There's things for everybody.

Yeah.

You just need to own you and be happy with you and everything else will fall into place. And I'm telling you that because I'm living it, not because I'm just blowing smoke up your ass.

I think I think self-worth when you realize your self-worth everyone else will fall in line so or they'll get out of the way

or they'll get out of the, they'll get off the ride. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Look, if once you understand your self-worth, you're going to give the good guy a chance. If you find out your self-worth, you're going to take a stand against your children who take advantage of you or your friends that take advantage of you because. But I think that once you get to that, you're going to go, they need to leave.

And if you don't, then you think really shitty about yourself and you need to start working with that.

I need to do this with her or him and the kids are now going to understand this is the line in the sand. I love you guys, but this or and your parents as well. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand for your parents and go. This is the way it's going to be. I can't live any other way. I love you as my parent. You know, my mom, sometimes I had to put her in check because she could get out of hand. So.

you

My mom too.

And I think that you end up having a better relationship with the people that I'm talking about once you become that new person or you change yourself. So this is more or less not just a new year thing, obviously. I think that what we're talking about is just a daily grind of being a better person. But let's look at it in December, going into January is, look.

It's okay to change and it's okay to push fate, take risks, do whatever it is you're looking for. It's okay to and try it next year. Come the first.

Not only is it okay to, it's you're expected to. You're expected to live and to thrive and to be as... I don't even know what the word is. as...

Be as happy as you can be as ready to do jump, take the jumps, know, do what you need to do to live your life. And if you fall on your face, you fall on your face. You'll get back up.

Yeah. Well, at the end of the day, the reality of life is this. You've gone through a bazillion struggles and you're still here. So.

Yeah.

You'll always be here and you'll always, you know, pick your pull your bootstraps up, you know, whatever cliche thing you want to say. Just do your best in the beginning of this year. You have what however many days are left in this month. Come come the new year. Try to become a new you, whatever that is for you.

I know I think it's okay to live a little recklessly too so go for it balls out I'm I'm serious I bought the trike I'm telling you that thing everybody told me you're gonna die you're not gonna you're not gonna be around to live well I may not be anyway bad genetics so that I got that going for me however I could be happy while I'm here and if that's what it takes then that's what you do

Yeah.

Find what makes you happy and quit worrying about but I have to be this I should be I should be I could be I could be Shut that shit down and live Get out of your damn head I'm so tired of hearing people say that I look at them. I'm like really You're gonna let that affect you really you're gonna like and their excuses. I look at all of them I haven't found one yet. That was really good not one

Stop worrying. Because I think there generally isn't.

because all they're doing is excusing themselves from living. That's what they're doing.

There's an argument for everything. There's a great line from Ted Laszlo when this guy walks into an office and the owner of the team looks at him and goes, you know, what's wrong with you? And he's like, I just want to be left alone. And she goes, no, you don't. You you need to get out of your own way sometimes. But he goes, she goes, you know, you'd order a bowl of shit soup and then complain about the portions. And I think that that's a great thing. Like, stop. Get out of your own way and.

Mm-hmm.

Let things ride and if they fail pick yourself back up the next day and go on to the next thing Stop worrying about what other people think

failed. I was a straight A honor student and I only needed one class my senior year and that was my senior English elective and I failed that class because I didn't want to go. There was a teacher strike that year and I was working on my tan pre pre summer. I was going to have it by not going to work, you know school every morning. Guess what? It didn't affect one fucking thing in my life that when I failed miserably 39 absences.

Yeah. Yeah, didn't change.

I had like a 27 % grade, the only class I ever failed. But when I failed it, I failed it right. And guess what? It didn't ever hurt a thing. Pissed off my mom. She didn't talk to me until I was done with summer school, but it didn't change anything. I can't tell you how many times I've done things and failed and nothing in my life changed. But my attitude did my outlook on it.

Yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day, real winners know how to lose. It's that it's just a fact and and and look just.

my ability to see things a different way all that changed with failure fails when you fail miserably that's when you learn the most why fear that why quit fearing it just fucking go for it

I agree with that.

Do your best people out there to look at the new year as a new step to do something maybe that you haven't before. Do it all. All righty. Well, we're going to say goodbye for this week and. Check us out on the socials whenever I can post on them before getting kicked off. Check us out on every podcasting platform. Make sure to send this to friends and share, share, share, please.

And do it all. And do it all.

And yeah, anything last words to say? Awesome. It's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. Until next week, I'm Rob. That's Tina. Talk to you later.

If you don't find a way to be happy, you're never going to do it. It all starts with you.

See ya.