Another Portrait to the gallery of poets - worthy of a thousand words or more's in store- Get ready for Paul Harris Steward. If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, Text or Call 988.

This episode delves into the profound and often tumultuous intersection of art, mental health, and personal narrative, as articulated by our guest, Paul Harris Steward. He candidly shares his desire to transition away from creating somber poetry, expressing a yearning to write about love and happiness—emotions that elude him due to his struggles with depression. Throughout the discourse, Paul recounts his journey through despair, highlighting the pivotal moments that led him to seek help and ultimately use his voice as a means of healing.

The conversation further explores the societal pressures placed upon men to suppress vulnerability, encapsulated in the poignant question of how long a broken vase can remain upright. As we navigate these themes, we aim to foster a deeper understanding of the role artistry plays in confronting personal demons and the collective responsibility to address mental health openly.

Keep It Reel

Links referenced in this episode:

• www.988lifeline.org
• www.americanfoundationforsuicideprevention.org
• https://www.youtube.com/@phsteward
• www.instagram.com @paulharrissteward, @scotttraven

Other links

JUST DO IT Go Fund Me Support

The Gift by Bruce M. Cohen a loving father's reflection on the loss of his son

Stay at Poem Dad see poem A Note To Suicide

A Note about Suicide *Trigger Warning ; Mature subject matter for a few of the poems. For younger children keep explanations simple and direct. However, talking about suicide doesn’t plant ideas in a person’s head or lead to suicide. It more often helps foster a safe environment where children can ask questions. Don’t avoid a conversation because it is difficult.

Let your kids lead a conversation to openly share how they feel gauging how much they have already picked up from outside sources and see how they are processing. Afterwards, express your feelings on the matter. What are some other ways people can deal with pain without harming oneself or ending it all? Make sure the right information is shared from a trusted source. And please reach out to the 988 Suicide and crisis line if you are in immediate distress.

I don't want to write any more sad, depressing poems.

I want to write about being in love.

I want to write about being happy.

Unfortunately, I don't know what that feels like.

I mean, I can write some good sh, but it wouldn't be my life.

The truth is, every night I take a pill.

The quiet voices in my head, they're supposed to kill.

They stop me from jumping over the edge.

But they haven't helped me.

Him.

Scott, I got a question for you.

How long can a broken vase stand?

Think about it.

How long can a broken vase stand?

I thought not for long.

But what if that vase was a man?

And every once in a while he puts a few pieces of tape on his back, but every year he notices a new crack.

See, I know that my mom knew that something was wrong.

I lived in Los Angeles for 13 years.

Every Christmas she would call.

I would turn the radio on because I didn't want her to know that I was sitting in a dark room alone.

I kept running.

I kept moving.

I kept hiding.

City to city, state to state.

Because I felt incomplete.

It took me 32 years to realize the problem was me.

But they tell us what?

Just to be a man.

Man up.

Because real men don't cry.

We hold it in until we die, right?

We got responsibilities.

We have to be providers.

We have to be the king of the house.

We have to listen.

Scott, don't you ever let the words I need help come out of your mouth, right?

If you don't go, who's gonna be there?

Listen, Lorenzo, you have no time for self care.

You have hurt from when you were a kid.

You got trauma.

Keep it head.

Keep it tucked.

Zip that baggage up.

The rappers are destroying our youth.

You have rappers out there bragging about buying fenty old boys.

Prosecutors back in Chicago, they're creating cemeteries behind the project so moms don't have to walk that far.

They say, hell, that's where all the young boys are.

If they're not dead, they're back there smoking weed.

I know the government's mad because they had a plot waiting for me.

But listen, guys, I'm glad that you made it.

I'm glad that you survived.

But trust me, one day you have to deal with the pain inside.

But you know what?

Never mind.

Just man up and be a man.

Real Poets is an audio only podcast that can also be visually read.

Like roses or when a director juxtaposes his or her most imposing reposes with characters, settings and themes composed of thrilling soundscapes.

Highest of stakes.

Dreams, hosted by a duo of real poets about real poets and the real poetry they've written and the films that have been written about them and their work.

Join us each week as we talk to another real poet with something to say and how a real poetry movie influenced them in some way.

Then we each write a new poem inspired by our most recent viewing of the film and share it with all of you.

All right, welcome back to Real Poets Portraits.

I'm Renzo del Castillo and as always with me is the man of three T's.

Yes, it is.

I tis I, Scott.

Raven Scott.

Three T's.

With a special portraits episode today.

Really, really excited about our guest.

First time where we're having the filmmaker, producer, writer of the said film that we're talking about.

But we're also here to get to know this, this gentleman.

From the looks of the title, you would think we're doing something about the, the Nike biopic, which.

Not which, which, which.

Not to throw you off, we do have an affinity on the show for Ben Affleck and Matt Damon movies who incidentally did that movie Air, which is about the Air Jordan.

But this, the, the, the topic of this film I feel is, is, is even loftier.

Loftier than that.

I, I was moved by this, this, this film.

I can't wait to talk to the one, the only, the phs.

Paul Harris Stewart today.

Welcome, welcome, Paul, to, to the show.

Yeah.

What's up, guys?

How are you doing?

Great, man.

And I got a little intro for you so people can put some respect on your name.

I came up with that from what you sent me, so I'm going to do it.

Originally from Chicago with chapters in LA and New York before making Orlando Home, Paul has spent years using his poetry and storytelling to connect with audiences more.

He's expanded that mission through film with, as Scott said, just do it, which is a deeply personal short documenting his battle with depression and his commitment to mental health awareness.

Today we're going to talk about poetry, film, teaching vulnerability and how art can become more than expression, it can become survival.

Thank you for joining us today, Paul.

Wow, that was good.

That was really nice.

It's great to be here, guys.

No, and, you know, it was, it was great.

We, you know, you reached out to us and you, you've been promoting this film and we're, I want to dive into that, but we always like to start with the artist before the art.

So I'm curious, what first pulled you towards spoken word?

Oh, wow.

I think I was in high school.

Well, I started Writing like poetry.

When I was in like fifth grade, fourth grade, and then my freshman year of high school in Chicago, Mrs. Miller, she introduced me to mythology.

And she was like, oh, you're a good writer, I think you might like this.

And reading that just opened my eyes to the, like, metaphorically, you can place yourself somewhere else.

So I just started loving writing.

And then after high school, I went to college and I received a degree in English literature.

Right.

Actually I wanted to become a nurse, but I couldn't pass Chemistry 101.

So my TA was like, oh, so what do you like to do?

I said, I like to write.

You know, she's like, okay, well try this creative writing class.

And I did.

And I fell in love with literature and I studied all the great poets of the 19th century and beyond.

And so four years I studied English literature and I had no idea what I was going to do when I graduated college.

And I told my mother that I told my parents I was moving to Los Angeles for grad school.

I was going to UCLA for grad school, but it was a lie.

I actually moved to Los Angeles to pursue a songwriting career.

And so while in Los Angeles, I attended a school called LA Recording Workshop.

I was doing audio engineering and one day I was sitting at a Starbucks outside and they were doing an open mic.

And that was the first time I think I heard about spoken word.

I didn't really know what spoken word was.

You know, I knew poetry, but I didn't know about spoken word.

And I had my songbook there and I was like, you know, I did a little theater in high school and college and I got up and performed.

And since then, you know, I've been performing.

So you mentioned your, you know, you have an English degree, you're a teacher.

What do young people teach you about poetry?

What do young people teach me about poetry that's great about never being scared to create and be vulnerable.

Right.

I think, you know, my.

When I tell people I have a degree in English literature, they're like, oh, you're a great editor.

No, I'm talking about, you know, reading the greats and having to write a 10 page paper on a, you know, on a poem that's four lines.

And so really dissecting, you know, the material and just learning.

I did a lot of, in la, a full time artist and a lot of people don't know what a full time artist is.

Like, I'm Talking about getting $50 a feature doing, going to universities for grants and, you know, paying Your rent off performing, you know, off you know, blessing the mic.

So that's why I encourage young people to, you know, really learn their craft and find their niche and find their lane as artists, as writers.

Yeah, because this, you know, it's eclectic group.

So.

So I want to take a second back to Chicago for.

For a minute.

I've spent some time there myself.

I don't know if you know Chicago, the birthplace of slam poetry.

If.

I don't know if you've ever encountered this place, the Green Mill, before.

I've heard of.

I've never been, but I've heard of it.

So that's where, you know, they kind of.

They formalized spoken word poetry where.

Where like the competition aspect with, like, holding up, you know, scores and stuff like that.

A chance.

Well, what was it in Chicago?

Let me go back to Chicago that.

That really connected you to.

To.

To the written word, to.

To language, to the way you.

The way you use words.

Both in your film, you said you had this English teacher, but what.

What was it that captivated.

Was it an intersection of some other art forms as well?

I think I. I think I was a church kid, so I enjoyed.

Even though I can't sing, but I enjoy singing, so I actually enjoy songwriting.

I had a gift for coming up with melodies.

Like, I would just, you know, the thoughts would just come to me and like, oh, I like this melody.

I'll write a chorus or something.

So it really started with songwriting, and once I moved to Los Angeles, I fell in love with spoken word.

And then I start interning.

This is where it merges, where I start interning for a production company.

Right.

And I was an intern to intern.

So I would do like, script synopsis for the intern.

Like, basically tell him if he should read it, the script, or, you know, toss it.

And so then I was like, wait, I have an idea.

I have a poem.

And actually, the funny thing is, my first script came from a poem.

It was called Mr. Tree.

It was like a metaphor for a tree and an abused woman, and I turned it into a whole script.

So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So there.

Wow.

I just.

You made me think of it.

It's like how my porch.

Yeah, yeah.

When they merged.

Yeah, it merged.

Yeah, that's.

That's great.

What was the name of that open mic in.

In LA that you went to?

I know the scene a little bit out there that.

Well, the biggest one I.

The poetry lounge, which is still around.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Of course it's still around, but it was a smaller one.

I can't remember the name.

Yeah, yeah.

So right out of Starbucks.

I know the poetry lounge.

Well, I, you know, I know Sheehan.

Oh, yeah, Sheehan.

And the other guy.

Dante Bosco, right?

Yes, yes, yeah, yes, that's right.

He's Joshua Silverstein.

He's got a. Joshua Silverstein.

Paul Mabon.

You know Paul.

He's the guy, the black guy on the commercial with the car insurance.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Progressive or, or, or no, no,.

The lady's name Flo.

But the, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, progressive.

So, yeah, yeah.

So the black guy, he's a big boy and we used to perform all the time in la, so.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh, cool.

Yeah, I, I, I enjoyed that scene.

And then so from what I know, that scene intersected with the theater world a little bit.

A lot of the poets out of that, they did that deaf poetry jam on Broadway.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And so a lot of them went to theater.

It's interesting that you ended up gravitating right into, into film, as you say.

And, you know, we talk, talk on that some.

Can you talk a little bit about your love of film and how, you know, what are the types of films that you like?

Maybe that, that where language plays plays.

A role in those.

Yeah, because we call, we call ourselves real poets.

Right.

Because we love exploring where poetry and cinema meet.

So I'm like, Scott, I'm curious, what films made you want to tell stories?

That's a great question.

Wow, you got me with that one.

I got to think for a while, but I'm trying to think of the merge.

What even, even, even think of some films that, films that meant something to you and maybe, maybe you'll make the connection after just something that, like, wow, I saw that and, and I was, I was moved by it.

Or, or, yeah.

You know, reminded me of a time.

Can I tell you my.

One of my favorite films?

I love great dialogue.

Yeah.

Have you ever heard of the film.

Stepmom with Julia Roberts and Susan Sherandon and Ed Harris?

I bawled like a baby next to my sister.

Watching.

When we were younger.

I remember watching that film.

I was in college and probably I was 19 something.

I was, my girlfriend, we watched it and I remember watching that film and it was like, it just the, the dialogue, the writing, the, the, you know, it was just, it was just so amazing.

I always remember that, like, I want to tell a story like that and I want to, I don't want to dump guns.

But fast forward, I was in Los Angeles performing.

I was booked, I had a manager and everything.

I was doing college shows and everything.

I was performing and I got a call from my mother and she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

All right?

And I'm 24 years old and I'm performing.

And you know, I don't know if you all have performed in like, in venues where you're the only poet.

There's rappers, there's comedians.

Sure, sure.

Those are the tough shows, right?

Ventriloquists every now and again.

And so I'm doing that.

And then I was like, wow, I'm thinking about my mom.

She's in Chicago and I'm in la.

And I was torn.

Should I go back and, you know, be with her or should I continue to pursue my career?

And we talked about it, she told me, stay out there, you're doing well.

So I couldn't just like, keep writing stuff.

Like, I couldn't write erotic stuff or whatever.

And I'm going through this.

So I started using my platform to talk about breast cancer awareness.

And I was 24 year old, young man, and I remember the first time I went to a show, it was in Compton.

And I was like, they don't want to hear about this.

I had wrote a poem about my mom and her, you know, her first mastectomy.

And I performed it.

And I remember the audience was quiet, you couldn't hear a penny drop.

And I realized that as an artist, if you tell your truth, someone will relate to you.

And so for the next five years, I use my platform to talk about breast cancer awareness.

So going back to it, that film in college that touched me about, you know, a woman dying from cancer, inspired me to, you know, want to write my own stories.

Right, right, right.

Renzo, you're on mute right now.

Boom.

We're going to keep that, keep it real.

If someone wanted to understand you, Paul, like Paul Harris Stewart, maybe through three films, what would they be like?

What.

What films give an insight into who you are as a person and an artist?

My.

One of my favorite films is Gladiator.

I love Gladiator.

Yeah, you like that one?

Yes.

That's one of the film Strength and Honor, you know?

You know, it's a great film when you can sit down and watch it.

Whatever you're, whatever you're doing, you'll stop and watch the entire film.

And gladiators one, I Just love the, the, the, the, the this, the layers of the messages that's in the film.

And you like just dissecting it.

You can just spend a whole day dissecting it.

I love Gladiator.

I don't know if you ever seen Boomerang.

It was with Eddie Murphy.

Yeah, I love that film because that was the first.

I think that was done by the Hutland brothers.

I love it.

Yeah, Boomerang.

It was a.

Because that was the first film that showed an all professional black cast.

Right.

He was a CEO of a company, she was a CEO of whatever.

So I just love that film.

It gave me, made me realize that, wow, there's a whole universe out there that I want to explore.

The possibilities are, you know, limitless.

Third film, probably House party.

I love house party, the first one.

I love it.

Yeah, that was, you know, what's funny is real fast, is that I tried to be a comedian in L. A because I thought that my writing was so good.

Like my joke, you know, my creative writing that was good at writing jokes.

I was like, I could be a comedian.

So I started doing stand up, which is different, which is totally different.

But I think there's an interest.

I think there's an intersection though.

I think there's an intersection.

I like to say if there's a poem, even though dealing with serious subjects, you can put a joke in that piece.

It doesn't have to be all serious.

It doesn't have to be.

But, but that's what I want to touch upon with you.

You, you mentioned your mom and the breast cancer journey and how that led you to a film.

What is it about poetry specifically, let's get to it, that you feel is the way to express those types of subject that maybe a comedy cannot.

Or maybe the other performers that you saw on that.

What is it about poetry?

And, and what is it?

What can a film do as well?

But what is it about poetry?

For me, poetry is a vehicle that allows you to be vulnerable until your truth, right.

Whatever you're going through, it could be entertaining, it could be however you want to create allows you to be your authentic self.

And I think for me as a 24 year old man in Los Angeles, you know, trying to build my career, trying to be a good son, right?

And my mom's going to chemo by herself or whatever, it was tearing me up.

It's like, what do I do in this point in my life, right?

Do I leave my dreams of whatever I'm trying to accomplish or do I go there?

You know, I was going back once a month, but I felt like it wasn't enough.

So my poetry allowed me to all that weight.

I was dealing with all that guilt.

I was dealing with the concerns of my mom losing the battle of cancer.

I put it in my poetry and every night I went out and I just.

I just let it all go on that stage.

And I think it helped me because it made me realize that I wasn't alone.

Regardless of where I was, at every venue I went to, there was a man that could relate.

Either his mom dealt with cancer or his sister or his wife or so.

And so it made me realize that I wasn't in this world alone with these emotions.

So I think that's what poetry can do, what it's done for me.

And I'll talk about it more later as we go on.

But saved my life, so.

So you mentioned, right, like, you, you went out there to la to.

You thought you could be a stand up comedian, but you became a songwriter.

I originally moved for songwriting, but then songwriting.

And then you thought stand up comedian, but.

But you became a filmmaker.

And I'm wondering, do you approach directing the same way you approach writing poetry?

What's the difference?

Are we fast forwarding to the film?

Are we talking about the film yet?

Well, we're gonna get into the film.

You can talk about the film now if you'd like.

We're about to get there too.

All right.

Well, you all know, like, the film is 100% true.

It's about my life.

And after my mother passed, I went through a really dark phase.

I stopped performing.

I lost my voice.

I was like, well, I'm almost 30 years old.

You know, I'm still bartending on the side.

You know how it is.

I still, you know, I was like, I need a career.

So I was like, I'm going to stop performing.

I also, I think I resented also poetry too, to be.

I was angry at the platform because I wasted so.

Not wasted.

I won't say wasted, but I spent so many years following this dream.

Chasing the mic, if you want to say, right?

Performing and stuff.

When I was like, well, I could have spent that time beside my mom, right?

I went back to.

I moved to New York where I received my master's degree in education early childhood education.

I became a public school teacher and I was just teaching.

But my depression got worse, as you can see in the film.

And it led me to a really dark place where, you know, I had to get help.

And if we fast forward.

Poetry is what saved my life because it wasn't for poetry, it wasn't for my writing, I wouldn't have had this outlet to express myself.

Right.

I guess I'll talk more about it after we watch the film or discuss the film.

Well, I mean, we can talk about the film.

Just do it is incredibly personal.

You.

You deal with your own depression.

You deal with guilt over.

I don't think you really get into specifics about what happens to your mother until, well, I don't want to.

Guys, go watch it.

We're going to give you all the links so you can see it.

But you deal with guilt over not spending time with your brother.

You deal with guilt over not spending time with your mother.

Was there ever a point where you considered keeping this private?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

I.

So my story is I was, I think in the piece I say that I had my first thought when I was 14 years old, my first suicidal thought, and I was 14 years old.

So I dealt with depression for a very long time.

And I just, you know, in.

In the 90s, it's like a man up, be a man, get over it, go to the gym, go to church, pray about it.

You know, be sexually active or something.

You just don't be weak.

And so I held onto this for a long time.

And after my brother, things got worse for me.

I moved back to Chicago.

My brother has three children from three different relationships.

So I'm trying to be Superman.

My brother and his wife died in a car accident and they had a newborn baby.

He was four months old, Prince Stewart.

And so I moved back to Chicago trying to help raise him.

And, you know, I was just trying to fix the world and I wasn't taking care of myself.

And it got too heavy for me and I had to check myself into a hospital.

And if you watch the film, I only had eight minutes left before I made a decision to seek help.

And swear to God, while I was in the hospital, as you see in the doctor scenes, I was being stubborn.

I was fighting the doctor.

I wasn't doing my part right.

But once I was ready to receive help and I got on the medication, I swear to God, all my creativity came back to me.

It was like a flood of thoughts came back to me.

I was like, oh, I have to start Back on this script, I remember this idea right here.

I swear to God, it's like, I'm not being funny, but Kanye west said that, you know, he's a genius.

I don't know.

He said he's a genius and he doesn't want to take medication because it stifles his creativity.

Right.

For me, it was the opposite.

I was so low that all my creativity was gone.

It was.

Or I just was suppressing it.

But once I started with the medication, like, I couldn't stop.

As writers, sometimes you can't turn it off.

Right.

Sometimes you don't feel like writing, but the thoughts come to you.

Like, you know, the idea, the thoughts for a new piece or something comes to you.

And yeah, I came up with the story.

I went to film school because I had a little money saved up and I said I was going to produce my first screenplay I created a long time ago.

And I was like, you know what?

Instead of spending 20,000 on, you know, hiring director, how do I learn how to direct myself?

So that's the reason I came to Orlando to go attend film school.

And so I finished film school last year and I actually have a. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I don't want to tell the whole story.

I'll let you all jump back in.

No, no, we're just applauding what you're saying.

Yeah.

Congratulations on finishing film school.

I mean.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, you know, you're, you're telling the arc in, you know, this five minute little, little.

This paragraph.

Yeah.

I mean, so impactful that, that you're able to, you know, have.

Have us feel these things in this, in this, you know, short, short, short film that, that you've presented.

I have so many questions that are.

That are popping up off of this, you know, like, I mean, getting back, like teaching.

You were teaching for a bit.

Was there something about teaching that wasn't scratching the itch for you in the creative, in the creative realm?

You know, I, I've never worked an office job in my life.

I guess I, I have adhd, so I can't.

I'm not a person who can sit down.

So I thought going back and becoming a, becoming an early childhood teacher would help me.

Right.

Because, you know, with pre K and kindergarten, you're able to be creative.

It's not a fixed curriculum all the time.

Right.

So, you know, I did that for like 5, 6 years, 10 years total, and it was fine, but I still wasn't happy.

I still wasn't.

I wasn't able to, you know, people will call me because I became a advocate for breast cancer awareness.

Right.

So people knew that every October you can call me and I'll perform at your venues.

But I stopped performing.

I didn't perform for a whole 16 years.

Yeah, but.

Yeah, just.

I mean, I love the kids, I love making a difference, but it just wasn't.

I was running from my true calling.

And I realized my true calling is writing.

And I can do it.

May.

It may not have the monetary gain that I want, but it's the gift that I've been given and I have to.

I can't do anything else.

I realize that I tried to do.

I've tried to go to the police academy.

I tried to go to medical school.

I have my barber license.

I have a massage therapist license, a teacher.

I've done everything right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I. I thought that, you know, as a man, you supposed to have this much money saved up, this much money, blah, blah, blah.

And so I realized for me, for my wellness, for my.

Just for the balance of my life, I'm meant to create.

I have to create.

I'm a creative person and I hear that.

Oh, Renzo.

No, I was just wondering if making the film change your relationship with your own depression and how.

Oh, yes.

It's two things I want to touch on real fast, real quickly.

So when I finished film school, I had these ideas going through my head.

I was like, well, you know what?

I was introduced to short films.

I wasn't that familiar with short films before school.

Right.

So, hey, I like short films.

You can get it done.

So I started writing a short film about my story.

But I had a different character's.

Right.

Because I wasn't ready to tell my truth.

I didn't want to tell my business.

All right?

I didn't want people to know that I was suicidal.

I was depressed.

I was in dark place.

So I had a whole character's name and.

And one day I was at work and this woman and she.

She's.

I know from work, and she had a little boy with her.

I said, hey, your son is getting big.

She said, that's not my son.

I said, oh, okay, the conversation is over.

So this is my grandson.

My son committed suicide.

I said, oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

He was 21 years old when he committed suicide.

And this is his new.

He was a newborn.

The baby was a newborn.

And so I have this story right here that I'm hiding behind a character with, right.

And this lady just told me that and just turned my stomach.

And I was like, speechless, right?

And so a week went by, two weeks went by, you know, I was like, you know what?

I'm still not telling my story.

I'm still not putting my name down on this script.

And one day I came into my office and she had left his obituary on my desk.

I didn't ask for it.

I didn't talk to her again.

Oh, it's right here.

She left his obituary on my desk.

His name was Jabril Muhammad.

Right out of the blue, this woman left her son, her 21 year old son's obituary on my desk.

And every day I came to work, I'm like, wow, I'm sitting here with this story that may be able to help a young Jabril, maybe help a young boy out there.

And I'm too scared to tell this story.

And so I changed it to my name.

I put it down, my full name.

It was me in the script.

And the script was like 15 pages, short film.

I had a car chase.

I mean, a car driving there, whatever.

I needed like $10,000 to make it.

So I put a gofundme up.

And I only raised 600, right?

I was like, well, I'm not going to be able to do this.

And then one day, like I said, when you're.

When you have this gift, the words will come to you.

And so the words for the piece, just do it, start coming to me.

And the way I write is I don't write like I write.

I create the piece in my head.

And I keep repeating in my head till it's done.

All right, so the first part was.

My heart was dark and so was my soul.

I was in a room with no windows on a 72 hour hold.

And that came to my mind.

I just kept building and building on that until I had the piece.

And then one day.

Have you ever heard of.

It's a spoken word place in Houston, Texas, called Wayne Poetry or something like that.

Let's talk about it.

It's really big venue.

So I went out there and I performed.

It was the first time I went public with my story.

And I had an amazing response.

And this woman came up to me.

She's like, that felt like a movie.

I saw every scene that you were telling.

I say, wow, bingo.

I could turn this piece into a short film, right?

I'm a spoken word artist.

I can turn this piece into a cinematic form.

And that's how the idea came together.

And, you know, I'm really proud of the project.

Sorry about that.

That mute button.

The way I've seen you market the film is, you know, you talk to people who respond to your piece or talk to people who respond to the.

To the.

To the video, to the short story.

I mean, to the short film.

And they share their stories and you highlight that on your platform.

Has anyone reached out whose story has stayed with you?

Like the story you just tell.

You just told about the.

The lady and her son, but after they've seen your film,.

Not seen the film.

I don't know if I was in Tampa, right?

So the great thing about being, I realized I had the ability to promote myself as an artist, right?

So every time I get on stage somewhere, I'm able to promote my short film.

So I was in Tampa.

I did I Am Poetry.

It's a large event out there.

I performed and a lady saw me.

She's like, you're great.

You should come into my open mic.

You know how open mics can be.

Nothing against rappers.

We all love rappers, right?

But, you know, sometimes when the show is filled with rappers, no one really wants to hear sad poetry, right?

I mean, honestly, you feel like no one wants to hear my story.

So it was late.

I got there at 7 o'.

Clock.

The show started at 8 o'.

Clock.

I got there at 7.

Show started at 8 o'.

Clock.

I'm an old man now.

I'm like, it's time to go home.

I'm like, all these rappers and comedians, I'm like, I'm too old for.

All the thoughts were going through my head, right?

I did this 20 years ago.

I did the whole open mic scene 20 years ago.

I'm too old to be.

You know.

You get what I'm trying to say, guys, right?

I.

No, I.

100%.

I know.

I know it the same.

You got to be in the scene sometimes.

People got to know you're out there.

But what better.

What do you have that is that calling card that can get people.

I mean, we doing a podcast that could get you to know you without having to, you know.

Yeah.

Wait all night and wait.

So let me tell you.

So I was telling myself, intrusive thoughts were telling me, paul, get up and go.

You have an hour drive home, right?

I performed.

I performed.

I was real low key with it.

I was tired.

I was like, no, I'm.

But they.

I closed the place down.

They were listening.

They hung onto every word.

And I was going to my car.

And on my IG page as a young lady, pretty young girl came out running after me like, hey, hey, stop.

First off, I was like, man, Unc, still got it.

I thought she was trying to talk to me for a second, but she stopped me and she was like, your piece touched me.

She was like, I've been having very dark days.

And you know, I felt like no one saw me.

I didn't feel seen.

And she talked to me for like an hour.

And her name was Emily.

And she shared that her first suicide template.

She was 14 years old.

14 Years old.

She's 24 now.

Right.

And with this disease, with depression, it's like a roller coaster.

Right.

Even though I'm on meds, you know, I'm trying to do my part, but I still have bad days.

I said, like, for example, yesterday I couldn't get out to bed at 2 o'.

Clock.

I just had a bad day.

Right.

I just couldn't get out of bed at 2 o'.

Clock.

I was just struggling.

Right.

So it made me realize that this is bigger than me, Right.

Because if I had left that young girl, Emily would have never heard my story.

She would have never been introduced to my film.

Right.

And I would never have been able to connect to her.

So the point is, is that as artists, as truth tellers, that's why I think poets are.

We're truth tellers.

Right.

We have a responsibility to tell our story.

We can't gatekeep a story that may help other people.

And so I forgot the original question, but that was my point.

Right, right.

Well, well, well, you, you, I mean, you say you got a little jaded with sometimes with the, with the spoken word scene, you, Mike scene.

But you, you have a story to tell.

You want to get this out, right?

And, and you know, you're here on this podcast.

We'd love to have you being able to, to tell the story, which is.

A great fit too.

Exactly.

And I want to throw out a couple other, you know, well, first hear from you.

What are other places you want to go with your film and with, with your story, you know, that, that you would like to hear.

You know, film festivals, is it, is it, you know, businesses.

I'm going to interject for a second.

I work for this organization, it's volunteer based.

The American Federation for Suicide Prevention.

Okay.

I'd love to put you in contact with this organization.

And what that is is they give free workshops, you know, where they're presenting, you know, like kind of there's like a slide Deck.

Some is to teens, some is to businesses, small businesses.

Some are to.

I guess, yeah, different.

Different.

School.

School groups, group homes, addiction facilities.

These.

These types of places would be great to get you connected with that, to be able to come to these venues and present.

Present the film.

Present the film to.

To talk about, you know, this is around young people.

And you said you got away from teaching, but, yeah, your film, as much as it entertains, it educates, it moves.

And, yeah, would love for you to have that chance to be able to spread that, take that down for those listening as well.

American Federation for Suicide Prevention, they got different chapters all over.

I know all over Florida.

I think it's nationwide as well.

To be able to.

To do some stuff.

Some.

Some stuff with that.

Well, back to the original question.

My.

Before, you know, when I was younger, I moved to Los Angeles with stars in my eyes.

I was like, oh, I want to be famous.

I want to be rich.

I want, you know, I went through that, the struggles of, you know, the grind.

And after I finished this film and I really show people.

And one guy was like, man, you're going to win a lot of awards if you enter festivals with this, right?

You're going to win a lot of wars.

And for first.

For a second, I was like, wow, I can win a lot of wars.

And I thought about it.

I mean, I don't care about wards.

I want to save souls.

I want to save lives.

I hear you.

And I'm going to be.

I don't want to get too deep on y', all because I. I don't know, kind of, you know, I won't get too heavy, but they're real poets.

We go subterranean.

Oh, you can.

Please, please.

We are Mariana Trenching.

The truth is, is that, like I said, my mother passed away, my brother passed away, my only sibling, right?

So basically, I'm left on next.

My Next Kin is 15 years old, his children, right?

He has a son that's 15.

He has a daughter that's nine.

And he has the newborn that's six years old now, right, who has no parents.

So honestly, I'm gonna say this.

I'm okay, but I'm not great.

And we'll be honest, right?

I'm still going through it.

It's still a struggle for me.

So I decided to.

I can't think of the word if you all can help me, but to create a legacy for my nieces and nephews, a body of work that they will be able to go back to if something is to happen to me.

Tomorrow, next week or something.

That makes sense, right?

It makes a lot of sense.

I'm the last, and my name is Paul Harris.

My mom and brother were Stewart, so I legally changed my name to Stuart so they can have an identity.

Right.

So that's why my name is Harris Stewart.

But I create.

I wanted to create this film, and that's why I record everything now.

So if I leave, I'm saying I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm doing better.

But I still have dark days, Right.

With this disease, it's a roller coaster.

But I wanted to create a body of work, like, record every performance, every video, every interview so my nieces and nephews or the next generation can have this and say, wow, my uncle was strong.

He told his story and he helped others.

And so that's my motivation behind everything I do now.

And that's the first time I ever told anyone.

The first time I told anyone on this.

But, yeah, that's the truth.

Well, thank you for sharing that with us because, like brother, you made the decision to turn one of the most private parts of your life into public art, and you've touched upon this, but I want to dive a little bit deeper with you on it.

At what point does she sharing stop being catharsis or release for the artist and start becoming service for other people?

Because you seem to want to help others with your story.

Wow.

Geez.

I was saving this for Oprah.

Damn.

You get a car, and you get a car, and you get a car.

I know, right?

Wow.

You said, when does this become service for others?

Yeah, it's like, because it's your release, right?

Like, you're.

You're telling your story, you're letting it out.

You're being vulnerable.

It's a catharsis.

You're.

You're releasing it.

Right.

But think about, like, art in general.

When does.

When does vulnerability or sharing stop being that release and start becoming service for other people?

And I ask you this question because I'm hearing it in your answers.

You're like, this is my struggle.

This is my pain.

I have good days, I have bad.

But look at this girl who came and ran after me.

Look at the legacy I want to leave for my family and my next akin.

Look at somebody.

I think of the ones that I can.

That I can help with live one more day or at least pause before they take a drastic action.

Right?

So when does.

At what point does that start?

Like, what's the line between release and.

And service, between personal and the other?

I think I'VE crossed the line of personal because I have the courage to come forward.

Like now, once I put it on YouTube, my job knows I'm in a place where I. I'm the general manager for a building with 145 tenants, right?

So one person found out.

Now the whole building knows my story, right?

And so I've released it already.

Like having these conversations are great for me because every time I talk to someone, every time I do an interview, I let go another piece that I've been holding back.

And I never told anyone what I just talked about, how the reason why I'm doing all this.

And I think now I'm 48 years old.

I just turned 48 last month.

And I feel as if I'm blessed with this gift and another day and I just want to use it to service, to help others.

And the other day I had a great meeting.

Have you ever heard 988-988, the hotline lifeline?

Yeah, yeah, shout that out.

Tell people about it.

988 Is the crisis hype lifeline.

It's the number that I use a couple years ago when I was in dark place.

So I had a great meeting on Monday with a co founder.

Her name is Christy Christen.

Kristen Christie.

She loved my short film, which is amazing.

She gave me advice and you know her son, if you ever look her up, her son committed suicide years ago.

And she said she had a dream where, wow, 911 has a number for people to call.

Why not one for mental health?

So she came up with the idea to create 988, which is the crisis hotline.

So I had a great conversation with her on Monday and she just inspired me and she thanked me as a young man.

Well, I'm not young anymore, but as a man, you know, because her second son also dealt with suicidal thoughts.

So, yeah, I just, it just feels good to be making a difference and telling my story.

It's, you know, it's like once I told the doctor and it's short film, if you notice the short film, the doctor pushes back on me, right?

He was a little strong with me.

And that's true.

My doctor was.

Because I thought I was like, hey, I got a master's degree.

I'm smart.

These people in here are banging the hit against the tables or walls.

They're pissing on themselves, right?

I shouldn't be Here, right?

I'm a poet, I'm a writer, I'm a teacher.

I got a couple dollars in the bank.

I'm better than all these people here.

I shouldn't be here, right?

So I start playing the mind game with a doctor.

I'm going to tell him what he needs to hear.

I'm going to say exactly what I can say to get out of this place.

But in back of my head, I'm making a new plan, right?

That's the piece.

That's a line in there.

It says, I don't think you understand.

I was safe in the hospital, but every second I was making a new plan.

Which is true, right?

The medicine was working, but I was still having those intrusive thoughts, you know, when I'm get out, when I get out of here, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do A, B or C because I wasn't ready to do the work yet.

And so the doctor called me out on my bull crap and pushed me to the limits and I had to share.

Yes, I was violated when I was 4 and 10.

Yes, because of my disease, I missed the last call from my mother.

Because of my disease, I missed the last call for my brother, right?

And so opening up in Belfast kind of freed me from all the weight you all got to cut me off sometimes.

I get a little long winded.

Now, now you do you.

You still have a relationship with a, with.

With a counselor.

To this day or main, it's mainly psychiatrists that you're.

That.

That you're still seeing every now and again, I imagine.

You know, the sad part is.

That's a great question.

The sad part is a person like me, I deal with adhd.

So I get bored quickly.

Okay?

I get bored quickly.

Like I said, I've tried every career and I thought, I have a new piece of.

I perform.

It's like I kept moving city to city, state to state, because I felt incomplete.

It took me 32 years to realize the problem was me, right?

And so, like, I'll see a therapist for a month and I get bored with them.

I work at a job for six months.

I get bored of the job, I stay at an apartment, I get bored there.

So I have to.

I don't know, I'm still unpacking, but unfortunately, no, I'm not seeing anyone right now.

So right now, this is why I ramble so much when I do get the chance to talk to people and I'm just letting it all out.

Let it flow, man.

Need to Find your Robin.

You need to find your Robin Williams.

Yes.

Right.

I got.

I got a question about the film directly.

Jennifer Lewis.

Is that.

Is that drawn from truth or.

She's used as a symbol.

Honest to God.

Truth.

Honest to God.

Honest to God.

I.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

No, no, I. I was.

I struck by that.

Because it works as a perfect symbol for your life.

You know, her from.

What I know is like.

Is like the mother of families.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, you know, knowing your story now, too, with your mom and that intervention, it works both as truthful, but even as.

As a powerful kind of symbol of that, of who's going to get through to you.

You know, I will say, yeah, yeah.

I mean, to have.

That is very, very, very resonant.

And have you.

Brian will be here already.

You know what the truth is, you're the first person to ask about that Jennifer Lewis.

I was, yeah.

I had made a plan.

And they say when you.

They are just intrusive thoughts until you make a plan, that's when it becomes dangerous.

And I had made a plan at that point.

I had the letters written to my nieces and nephews.

I had a plan, and I had made the decision already to end my life at that point.

And I was.

I had a couple hours left or something, and I was just looking at my phone, bored in my bed.

I had given up on life.

I stopped working.

I stopped taking care of myself, physically, stop paying my bills.

I just let go.

And I was in the bed and I was.

I was stuck.

And I looked at my phone and she was on the Breakfast Club.

It's a radio show.

Have you ever heard of the Breakfast Club?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was on a Breakfast Club doing an interview because she dealt with mental health and she was promoting a book and.

And she said these words verbatim.

Come out of those dark rooms and get some help.

And she said it.

You know, she's really animated.

You know, she's the typical black mother.

She's loud, she curses too much.

So I started hearing my mother's voice in my head.

And it seems like, you know, with the algorithm of social media, if you watch a video too many times, it just keeps popping up.

It keeps.

And so that video, I swear to God, that video just kept.

Every time I picked up my phone, the video will play.

And it's like I say in the film, that night, my mom fought for me.

My mom fought for me.

She took me out of his hand.

She gave me enough strength.

The next morning, I checked myself in because it became a mental battle.

You know, my mom was just talking to me throughout the day and that was game.

That gave me the strength to get help.

So, no, Jennifer Lewis is definitely Jennifer Lewis.

One day, if you ever listen to this, Jennifer, I would love for you to talk to you and work with you and say, just say thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, no, no, hopefully.

Yeah, it gets, it gets her.

It makes her way, way to her.

Well, let's, let's manifest that for you.

But, you know, as, as we begin to wrap up, just.

I wanted to.

I have a few more strands on this for a second.

I, I just, I know you're not seeing, you know, like a therapist now.

Right.

And something for me, I mean, I know this isn't about me.

I lost my mom when I was, when I was 15.

All right?

And throughout my life, there have been women who have been surrogates to me.

Right.

People that I've just encountered within life that have given me comfort.

Perhaps Jennifer Lewis, for you, I wonder if there's any other, you know, even women out there since your mom's passing that, that, that have that given you that.

That motherhood.

Because, because, you know, no one can give that unconditional love like, like a mother could.

And, you know, I would say I'm lucky enough to have found these, you know, other women.

Just in my travels, going through poetry, I just would.

Would wonder, has there been any, any other woman in your life maybe that.

That you have met, that have, that have given you that?

Yeah.

What's your support group, Paul?

Like you mentioned, you're not seeing the.

You're not seeing a therapist right now, but do you have a support group that you can rely on?

I do have a support group.

I have a couple friends who are great.

But Scott, just back to your real quick.

Sorry for your mom, your loss.

So you're part of this club, right, of not being able to reach out to your mom and hear from her at a young age.

Right.

And so for me, in addition to that, the guilt of my disease blocking me from seeing my mom for so long and not hearing her last phone call when she called me, that has haunted me for many years.

And so I'm the kind of person.

Where.

I describe it as having a social battery.

Right.

When my battery runs low, I can't talk to anyone.

I shut myself off in the world.

Right.

So I really haven't had the opportunity to let anyone get close to me, to nurture me, to give me that love.

And so I guess in that moment that from that interview, Jennifer gave it to me.

You know, if you ever, you saw the clip, her words were so powerful.

And she said it just like my mom would say, come out of that room and get some help, stern, like that.

And so I think that was the touching moment for me.

And real fast guy, I want you to check out my video.

It's called Slow Dance with My Mom.

That's my favorite piece I dedicated to my mom 20 years ago.

Yeah, yeah.

So I want you to listen to that.

And it brings me before.

Years ago, I wrote it when she was.

I was thinking about her second surgery because her cancer.

She had one breast removed.

And then a couple years later it came back and I was thinking about, wow, this might be the last time I danced with my mom.

So I wrote the song, the poem for Slow Dance with my mom again.

And before it used to bring me tears, but now it brings me happiness because I think about the good thoughts.

So I really want you to listen to it when you get a chance.

It's called Slow Dance.

It's on my ig.

I love to.

We'll link it in the, in the show notes as well.

So some other people maybe as well.

And, and I, I wanted to tie this a little bit in because you mentioned Jennifer Lewis.

And another thing that your film touched upon is that suicide, you know, when you were seeing that doctor, it affects not only, you know, your, your day to day, everyday person, but there have been, you know, obviously famous people who seem to have it all right, that end up taking their lives.

Twitch, you had mentioned, you know, a brilliant artist in dancing, a football player.

And I think, I think you actually watched the film.

Good job, Scott.

Of course.

And I, and I feel, you know, that that was very, very important and why that moment hit for me a lot was because at the end you have the actors, I don't know, spoiler alert.

But the actors then, you know, breaking the fourth wall and then they're talking to you, right?

And you can see that everybody that's part of this film, you know, like, is, is.

Is touched by this.

And they also want to join kind of, kind of this cause.

And that's, that's important for me.

What, what.

I don't know if there's a question here.

I just wanted to kind of highlight that.

But a question for me always is a little bit of is there an audience, though, that you feel isn't ready to take in this type of content?

Because I know I do workshops like this.

Teens, right.

And like, you know, like adolescents.

Is, Is this type of thing appropriate for, let's say, you know, middle school students or you know, even an elementary school student to be able to see something of this nature.

What did it for me was having that outside part like, oh, this is, this is fiction, but truth.

Like it's like actors doing this and then, oh, we're actually real, real people.

We're not doing this on, on the actual screen.

So that, that was very key for me.

But do you think, what is an age with which you can talk about mental health in, in, in your opinion?

You know what, Just to tie everything together, we're talking about poetry and films, right?

So I've been blessed to merge myself in both worlds.

And this film is a little, I guess it's a little unorthodox, right, because it's kind of like in the beginning, is this a live performance?

Then it goes into cinematic approach, you know, So I wanted to, and I had, I went against other people's like, well, you shouldn't use your voiceover for the whole thing.

They wanted dialogue.

I said, no, I, you know, that's a certain cadence with poetry, right?

That's a certain cadence.

And so the gentleman, J. Steiner, he wouldn't be able to match the cadence the doctor, right.

So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to make an executive decision and leave my voice here because this is my story, right?

And so I thought that worked really well and we talked about it offline.

Just your voice coming from the different characters, unifying the story.

Oh, see, some people, some people, the feedback, they love it.

But it's like, we wish you would have used their voices.

I'm like, no, it had to be my voice.

And I think it draws them in because even though I'm is my audio, you see the characters delivering the performance of my words and really quickly, I will never do this again.

I did the whole film by myself.

I did the wardrobe shopping, I did the craft service, I did the pre production, the storyboard, the shot list, right?

I did the assembly cut editing because I didn't want any give my story to anyone else, right?

And I'm not saying I'm not trying to take all the fame.

I had people on production day to help me, you know, the guys, they helped me.

But I didn't want anyone to deal with this story that didn't respect it and didn't treat it with importance and the respect that it needed.

So I will never do it again because it's way too much work to do pre production.

You know, posts and Everything.

But I wanted to tell my story and I'm glad.

And can I share the good news with you all?

Yes.

Exclusive.

Originally I was just, I created this for myself, right?

And this body.

I worked for my nieces and nephews.

That's why I use Just Do It.

We all know that Nike has way more money than I do, right?

So I just plan on releasing this on YouTube and just letting it do it, you know, whatever.

And right Now I hit 3,000 views.

But I've been talking to the Christy from the 988.

I'm trying to partner up with other organizations.

I've been motivated to enter festivals.

So I'm this weekend I'm doing a reshoot of some of the scenes and I'm changing the name to 8 minutes.

The new title will be 8 minutes and I will re release it.

And then, you know, I'll, you know, I won't use Just do it so I can do more with it now.

And going back to your original question, yes, I want to enter festivals because I feel as if this story and it's just not about me, what I've created, but I think this story, this conversation needs to be had.

Right?

And like you said before, those people I named had resources in Alexander Jr. That's Regina King, son.

You know Regina King, She's a director, actress.

Oh my God.

Yeah, she did, she did One Night in Miami was her last film that I saw that you directed, which was fantastic.

Very talented.

Right.

Her son committed suicide when he was 26 years old.

Right.

And people might wonder, well, wow, he has all these resources.

Twitch.

Very talented guy on the Ellen show, he committed suicide.

40 Years old.

NFL player Rondale Moore, he was 25 years old at the height of his career.

Right.

And the guy from the Disney show, Lee Thompson, young, he was 29 years old.

Right.

So as Scott said, like you might not think people suffer in silence.

I suffer in silence.

I can tell a good joke, I can smile.

But when I go home, I'm there for a whole week by myself.

So I hopefully this story.

And last point, just one thing I want to mention about the film, I hope that everyone received this, is that I wanted to bridge together the generations.

If you notice in the film, I'm only in the first part of it.

It's not about me anymore, right.

It shows my crisis.

It's broken up in three acts, right.

So I, you know, my little background theater, I did theater for a couple years and so I broke it into three acts.

The first act is spoken word.

The performance, the second act is Paul in crisis, and the third act is seeking help.

Right?

And the.

It finishes the arc.

The young boy in his stairs, who's not 10 years old.

Right?

The young boy, he's on the stairs.

And the young boy, a high school student, when he closes the computer, watching my live poetry performance, and he calls.

So I really wanted to bridge together the generations and show that we suffer.

A lot of people suffer at early ages.

I had the conversation with my nephew Scott, as you mentioned earlier.

He's 14 years old, and I wanted him to watch it.

I was like, you know what?

This might be a genetic thing.

Hereditary.

Right.

I dealt with depression.

My brother dealt with depression.

You're 14 years old now.

So I want you to watch this film and let me know if you have any questions or anything you want to talk about it.

And that's the best thing that we all can do, is start the conversation.

We have to be willing to have this uncomfortable, awkward conversation.

Yeah.

And I appreciate you.

Hey, well, I think I appreciate you guys for bringing me on, for being.

Don't say your goodbyes yet, brother, because we are.

We are wrapping up.

But I want.

The reason we're doing this is I want to give people the opportunity.

Opportunity to hear a little bit of your poetry.

So I know you have one piece you have for us.

If you could please bless the mic so that people would get to know you a little bit more.

Exactly.

Okay.

All right.

So since I've been, like.

I've been off the scene for a long time, and Just do it was my first piece I created in 14 years.

Right.

So I stopped performing.

Only times I performed in the last 14 years were at funerals.

My mother's funeral and my brother's funeral.

Last time I performed.

And I. I didn't want to do it, but I did it, so Just do it was my first time writing something while I was perform, been promoting, going around, going to different venues.

I talked to other guys who are suffering silence, and they would DM me, but they didn't have the courage to say it at the show, so they privately DM me or something.

So I wrote this piece.

It's called Man Up.

It's a little shaky.

You know, I'm still working out the kinks, but I need to start reading off my phone.

But my ADHD won't let me.

So I go off the top of my head, I don't want to write any more sad, depressing poems.

I want to write about being in love.

I want to write about Being happy.

Unfortunately, I don't know what that feels like.

I mean, I can write some good sh.

But it wouldn't be my life.

The truth is, every night I take a pill.

The quiet voices in my head, they're supposed to kill.

They stopped me from jumping over the edge.

But they haven't helped me heal.

Scott, I got a question for you.

How long can a broken vase stand?

Think about it.

How long can a broken vase stand?

I thought not for long.

But what if that vase was a man?

And every once in a while he puts a few pieces of tape on his back.

But every year he notices a new crack.

See, I know that my mom knew that something was wrong.

I lived in Los Angeles for 13 years.

Every Christmas she would call.

I would turn the radio on because I didn't want her to know that I was sitting in a dark room alone.

I kept running.

I kept moving.

I kept hiding.

City to city, state to state.

Because I felt incomplete.

It took me 32 years to realize the problem was me.

But they tell us what?

Just to beat a man, man up.

Because real men don't cry.

We hold it in until we die, Right?

We got responsibilities.

We have to be providers.

We have to be the king of the house.

Listen, Scott, don't you ever let the words I need help come out of your mouth, right?

If you don't go, who's going to be there?

Listen, Lorenzo, you have no time for self care.

You have hurt from your kid.

You got trauma.

Keep it here, keep it tucked.

Zip that baggage up.

The rappers are destroying our youth.

You have rappers out there bragging about buying 13 year old boys.

Prostitutes.

Prostitutes.

Back in Chicago, they're creating cemeteries behind the project so moms don't have to walk that far.

They say, hell, that's where all the young boys are.

If they're not dead, they're back there smoking weed.

I know the government's mad because they had a plot waiting for me.

But listen, guys, I'm glad that you made it.

I'm glad that you survived.

But trust me, one day you have to deal with the pain inside.

But you know what?

Never mind.

Just man up and be a man.

That's it.

Yay.

Wait.

That was super dope, man.

Bringing the heat.

Bringing the heat.

I'm retitling it.

Michael, man up.

Michael.

Michael, man.

So.

So.

Because you brought the heat.

Yeah.

So where can we find Paul?

Loved having you on.

Would love to have you on again.

Where can we find your work?

Watch.

Just do it.

Or now 8 minutes and follow everything you're doing.

I'm on every platform.

I'm on IG, YouTube, Facebook, Christian Mingle, but everything.

Look me up.

Paul Harris Stewart with a D. Yeah, I'm just.

I'm.

I'm investing.

I'm going to North Carolina.

I have my first feature in 15 years next month.

All right, first 15 years, and I'm going to North Carolina.

I met them on ig, and I'm paying for the plane myself.

And if you would like to support me, I do have a GoFundMe up, because it takes resources to print the flyers, to travel, to really get.

Use my platform to talk about mental health.

So if you'd like to donate, you can please donate at GoFundMe.

Just do it.

Yes.

I'm just trying to do my job.

I'm just trying to create a body of work that I can be proud of and that will help others.

And again, I want to thank you all for having this conversation, for inviting me on, for being my therapist tonight.

I really appreciate it.

And if you all want to, you may know October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, so I would love to come back in October and maybe, you know, talk some more about something.

Oh, you know what?

We can do stepmom in October.

I would love that.

Yes, Paul, let's.

Let's pencil that in.

Let's.

Because I would love to have you on the.

On the format.

All right.

That's right.

We watch that, we talk about that.

I. I feel you, Paul.

I wanted to just say one more thing, too.

I know, you know, you say to not suffer in darkness and.

And.

And alone.

And I'd like to flip that a little on the head to.