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79: Ask Me Anything: Regrets From My Early 20s, Chastity in Dating, Budgeting Tips & More!

Episode 79 • 12th December 2025 • Ever Be • Mari Wagner

Speaker: 00:00:06

Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to The Ever Be

: 00:00:11

Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.

: 00:00:14

I'm so excited you're here.

: 00:00:16

Whether you're a new listener

or a longtime follower, I know

: 00:00:19

there's something here for you.

: 00:00:20

Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful, real life conversations and

: 00:00:24

actionable steps on how to claim the.

: 00:00:26

Full life God created you for.

: 00:00:28

If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ-centered life in today's

: 00:00:32

modern world, then this is for you.

: 00:00:36

Welcome to ever be.

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mari-wagner_2_12-11-2025_143640: Hey guys.

: 00:00:43

Welcome back to Ever Be.

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I am sorry, this is going up a day late.

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Our episodes release on Wednesdays,

as you know, and it's been a

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little bit crazy this week.

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So we're preparing for, um.

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Our spring magazine for

West Coast Catholic.

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You might have seen, we came out with

a winter magazine for Christmas, and

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in case you didn't put it together,

or I don't know if it's supposed

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to be a secret, honestly, but I'll

just tell y'all, we're coming out

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with a bunch of magazines, right?

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Like for the whole year,

all these different issues.

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And so we're already working on the spring

one, um, and the photo shoot is happening.

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This week, and we had so much prep

we had to do yesterday, and it

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just completely got away from me.

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But, um, excited to be

here with y'all today.

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Today we are doing a q and a, the last

q and a of the year, and I haven't

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fully looked at every question.

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I've glanced over them briefly.

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I saw a couple fun ones, a couple serious

ones, so I think it's gonna be fun.

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And these are always a good time.

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I always love knowing, like, what do you

literally wanna know about me, about,

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um, our lifestyle or things you wanna

just know my opinion on or advice on.

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Um, I am the eldest daughter in my family,

so I love giving people advice because

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that's what I was literally bred to do.

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Basically all my eldest

daughters listening know.

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And can relate to that.

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Um, so before we dive into the

questions, let's do a little

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bit of an ever be moment.

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My ever be moment is that a couple

weeks ago when we were in Mexico

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with my family, we got to have

the a first Class Relic of St.

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Carlo Auti.

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And he is a brand new saint.

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He was canonized.

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Um.

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Late summer or early fall, I can't

remember the exact date, but very

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recently, just like a few months ago.

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Um, and so I don't even know like how

do people have first class relics of

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him already, but the opportunity arose

and we got to have the relic in our

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apartment in Mexico and pray with it.

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Um, we prayed as a family for all of

our personal intentions, and it was

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just such a beautiful faith-filled

moment that we will never forget.

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So.

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Was such a blessing, was so beautiful.

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but that's my ever be moment.

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Um, I wish I could know what all

your guys' ever be moments were.

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If you have one, you wanna share

it, you should GM it into the Ever

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Be podcast, uh, Instagram dms.

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'cause I wanna know your ever

be moments too, you know?

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Okay, well, we'll leave it at that.

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Let's dive into the questions.

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Um, by the way, we won't have a, , ever

be answers at the end of this episode

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because this whole episode is gonna

be basically be an ever be answers.

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And then for Patreon, our after

party, you won't be a q and a because

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again, this whole episode is a Q

and a, but we're gonna do a little.

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Christmas house tour.

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I've gotten a lot of questions asking,

like to see the Christmas decor that

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we have set up and so I thought it'd be

fun to kind of vlog a little like what

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our Christmas decor is like right now.

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So I think it'll be fun.

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Trey and I will do a little house tour.

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Um, so that will be on Patreon if

you wanna join the Kingdom Club

: 00:03:59

to get access to all that extra

content, you know what to do.

: 00:04:01

The link is in the show notes,

but let's dive into questions.

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I'm gonna try and get

through as many as possible.

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Okay.

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First one up.

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Oh, this is funny.

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It literally relates to

what I was just saying.

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How many siblings do you have?

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Is your whole family Catholic?

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Are your parents siblings,

Catholics, et cetera?

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Um, I am one of three kids.

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I am the oldest.

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Um, we're all five years apart, so

in very different stages of life.

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I'm 28, my sister's 22, and my

brother is 17, still in high school.

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Um.

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And we are all Catholic.

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My family is from Columbia, south

America, where it is very culture.

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It's, it's the cultural

norm to be Catholic.

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Um, at least in like a cultural sense,

like most people are baptized and

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have their first communion because

that's just what you do there.

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Um, but a lot of people

aren't actually practicing.

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And so that's kind of how

my family was growing up.

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Up until high school.

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My mom had a huge reversion.

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Um, and then.

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Kind of brought her whole

family along with her.

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Um.

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And that's a story for another time.

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But basically, yes, being Catholic

my whole life and then since high

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school, like mid to late high

school, really dove into my faith

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in a much more intentional way.

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And then I had my own personal

reversion in college, um, and my.

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Parents over the last few years

have deepened their faith so much.

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And same with my siblings.

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Um, they're all on their own journeys, but

everybody is Catholic, so what a blessing.

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Right.

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Like such an incredible blessing to be

able to go home and have family, like

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my direct family practice the same faith

and we get to support each other in that.

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So that's amazing.

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Um, what was your biggest

regret of your twenties?

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Wow.

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Okay.

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I'm still in my twenties, girl.

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Okay.

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Just let's get that out there.

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Um, okay.

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First thing that comes to mind.

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Okay.

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First thing that comes to mind

is like, I don't really have

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regrets in my twenties, honestly.

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I feel like I've lived it to the

fullest that God has called me to.

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And I've been able to experience so

much adventure and beauty and so many

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gifts that God has brought to our lives.

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Um, and so I don't feel like

I look back and I'm like.

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I regret this.

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Maybe the only thing I regret is

I wish I had saved more money.

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And it's, it sounds lame and honestly,

I, I wouldn't say that it like really

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set us back a ton financially, but that

would've been a smarter thing to do.

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Like I was just always the girl

that like spent my money in

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college, like I worked and I got my

paycheck and then I went shopping

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or something like that and I didn't.

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Even have a savings account.

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And so that was kind of

dumb on my part, I think.

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So I think that would be like

something that I would say I

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kind of regret not saving more.

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I started to save when I actually

got a job, which was I was a focus

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missionary and by the time that I

started my job as a focus missionary,

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I had eight months until I got married.

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And so I actually started

saving once I got a job.

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And once you get a bigger old

job, you get bigger old paychecks.

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Then you can put real money away,

but I could have done so much

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more the years leading up to that.

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So I would say that, but honestly,

no big regrets, which is awesome.

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So awesome.

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Um, how do you study the Bible?

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So, me personally, when I first started

reading the Bible, not necessarily like

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studying it to like learn, but like just.

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Praying with and getting familiar

with scripture is I would do lexio

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Davina paired with a method of

scripture that a mentor taught me.

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It's called wrap, um, write,

reflect, apply and pray, and

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you apply that framework to.

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Different gospel passages and I was

challenged to do 30 days of reading

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scripture and 30 different gospels,

and that's how I started getting into

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reading the Bible and familiarizing myself

with at least the books of the gospels.

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So that would be my advice.

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I have a resource on my website called

the Gospel Habit, which is literally

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a 30 day scripture challenge that

breaks down this method for you more,

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gives you the framework and gives

you the 30 passages, that I think are

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amazing to start with for the 30 days.

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Um, and it has a couple more

resources in there as well.

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So that's a great idea.

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If you wanna get started on

reading the Bible, tips on how

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to study the Bible would be to.

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Do a Bible study that is more like

educational, more than like prayerful.

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Um.

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And focuses, Bible studies

have taught me a ton.

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So the crux or salvation history

specifically are like forming

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Bible studies that teach you what

is the Bible really trying to say

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and , , like what conclusions can we

draw from what we're learning in the

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Bible or what teachings does this

coincide with, with the tradition

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of our church and how does scripture

and tradition kind of go together?

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So those two are really good.

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Um, and then.

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The other one I'm thinking of,

I think it's called the St.

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Paul's Center.

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They have incredible bibles

as well, bible studies as well

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that are very informational.

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So, um, look through those and

see if those are helpful at all.

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Okay.

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Let's see another question.

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Next question.

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I wanna start content creation,

but I don't know if I might just be

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seeking validation or importance.

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This is a really good, just like

self-aware reflection to have.

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Why do you want to start a platform?

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What is your purpose?

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Um.

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I'll tell you right now, it's not easy

and it, you don't just blow up overnight.

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Right.

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And I think a lot of people like

the idea of the end result and it

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takes a lot of intentionality to

get there, especially because the

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creator space is so saturated now.

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Everybody wants to be a creator.

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And if you're really feeling

called to it, go for it.

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And I think that if specifically,

you know, I can speak to Catholic

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content creation, um, it's.

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It's a balance, right, of

evangelization and sharing your life.

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Like the end goal is not

to glorify your life.

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The end goal is to glorify God.

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And so what are you doing to show

people, right, how they can live the

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faith in their everyday life and how

you can encourage and evangelize them

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in their lives by sharing your life.

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so if you're wanting to

do it in a more like.

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Faith centered context, that would

be some advice to really take that

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to prayer and ask the Lord like,

what is it that you want me to share?

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What is the message that you

want me to share on my socials?

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And am I doing it for you

or am I doing it for myself?

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Because if you're doing it for

yourself, then God's not calling

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you to do it, and it's gonna be

really hard and not super worth it.

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I'll tell you that.

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Um.

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I never started what I am doing now

because I wanted to be an influencer.

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Honestly, like I never thought that

that, that was like never my intention.

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It was literally like I loved my faith so

much and was so inspired by other young

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women in real life that taught me how

to be a Christ-centered woman and how

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to be a good Catholic that I was like.

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Other people need to be walked

with in this way that don't have

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people like this in real life.

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Right?

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So that was like the deeper motivation

that the Lord put on my heart.

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And then it just kind of

like turned into what it was.

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Um, so hopefully all that is is helpful.

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Let's see.

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Have you ever found yourself wrestling

with some of the church teachings?

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Honestly, no.

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I don't think there's been

a church teaching that I've

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really sat with and wrestled.

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Um, I'll be honest though, too, like.

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A lot of people engage with

the faith, either from the

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heart or from the head more.

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I totally did that backwards.

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If you're watching the video, um, from

your heart or from your head more, and

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I'm so much more of a heart person.

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I'm so much more of a charismatic person.

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Um, an approach to my

faith than intellectual.

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Not that I don't care about it

or think it matters, but it's

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just not where I don't have.

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Dove in, in, is that how you say it?

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Where I've dived in.

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Um, and so maybe if I like

really dove into teachings, I'd

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maybe wrestle with them more.

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But like, as I have learned more

about my faith, there really hasn't

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been moments where I've been like,

Hmm, I really struggle with that.

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Like, let me wrestle with it and do more

research because like, I don't agree.

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You know what I mean?

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If I had to pick one right.

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The two things that bother me sometimes.

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One is how I think the church doesn't

have a technical stance on it.

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You guys okay?

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But, or maybe it does, but I've heard

conflicting things from different priests.

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Um, you know how like the church

says, like, dogs don't go to heaven.

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Yeah, I have a hard time with that one.

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Like, God gave you your cute little

dog to be your companion on earth.

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Why wouldn't he want that cute little

guy to be in heaven with y'all?

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And it's his creation.

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You know what I mean?

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So I don't know.

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I'm kind of iffy on

that, I'll tell you that.

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And then the other thing that kind of

bothers me sometimes is how like you're

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not married to your spouse in heaven.

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I do believe that there is,

and I think this is all like

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literally church teaching.

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Like there's like a special connection

you have with that person in heaven,

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um, but you're not like married to them

in the same way that you are on Earth.

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And I love my whole husband so much

that I'm like, what do you mean?

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I'm not gonna be married to him in heaven.

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I wanna be married to him in heaven.

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But I also know you're married

to Jesus and God in heaven.

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And so then it's like.

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Okay.

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Your soul doesn't really long

for anything else because it

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reaches complete fulfillment when

it's in full communion with God.

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So you know that those are just like

my human little worries that are

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so minuscule and they don't really

bother me in, in my faith journey.

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So, all right.

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Let's see.

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What are some other questions

we have going on here?

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You mentioned you listened

to the rosary on your phone.

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Can you post the site app

link that you use the.

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Most common way I listen to the Rosary

audio version instead of just praying

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it myself is through the Hallow app.

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And I'll link it in the show

notes, but with my link, you can

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get three months of the Hallow app

for free so you can check it out.

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I love listening to the Daily Rosary

and I put Jonathan Rumi's voice on

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'cause it's so calming and soothing.

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But they have a bunch of different

types of rosaries on there too,

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spoken by different people.

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Um, so.

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Yeah, go check it out.

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I mean, it's awesome, and if you're

having a hard time praying the

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rosary in your life, this is a great

way to just kickstart the habit.

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There's no shame in it.

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I know a lot of people that don't feel

like they're actually praying it if

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they're playing it on their phone.

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And that's not true.

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Okay?

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What is better?

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No prayer at all.

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Or playing it on your phone

and praying along with it.

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So I do that often as I'm

getting ready to go to bed.

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If I didn't pray a rosary at other

time in the day and I really wanna

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get it in that day, um, I'll start

playing it while I brush my teeth

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and do my skincare and get in bed.

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And it's such a peaceful way to

wind down from the day and just

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give the Lord um, my prayer.

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To close out the day.

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So that would be my

recommendation question here.

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Thoughts on NFP?

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My thoughts on natural family

planning is that I agree with it.

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All right.

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That is the teaching of our church.

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Um, and that is what we have always done.

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For anybody wondering Natural

family planning is the teaching

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of the church on how to.

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Work with God's creation of your

fertility to plan for children

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and space them accordingly.

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So it is your responsibility as a

husband, wife, and potential parents

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to discern when your family is ready

to grow and welcome children into it.

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And when you have your first child

to discern when to open that again

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for a second child and a third.

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Et cetera.

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Um, natural family planning states

that, um, avoiding children should

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happen based off of really grave

reasons, and the church doesn't

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specify what those grave reasons are.

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In its wisdom because the church

doesn't personally know the situation

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of every family, so I'm not going to

sit here and tell every newly married

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couple that they should be having kids

right away because I don't know the

331

: 00:16:40

situation of every newly married couple.

332

: 00:16:43

I will say.

333

: 00:16:44

If you are preparing for marriage, if

you're wanting to be engaged or are

334

: 00:16:49

engaged and you are fearful of having

children and you are completely closed

335

: 00:16:54

off to the idea of having children

in your first year of marriage 'cause

336

: 00:16:57

you think it's too soon, then you

might not be ready for marriage.

337

: 00:17:01

Because marriage comes with an openness

to children, um, and an openness to life.

338

: 00:17:06

And so.

339

: 00:17:07

You have to discern that in your heart

if you're like, okay, maybe I wouldn't

340

: 00:17:10

feel quote unquote ready because

who's ready ever to be a parent?

341

: 00:17:14

But if God brought us children, we

would happily, um, you know, accept them

342

: 00:17:19

and welcome 'em and, and raise them.

343

: 00:17:20

Right?

344

: 00:17:21

Like that is a totally like, to be

fearful of like becoming a parent.

345

: 00:17:25

Like that's totally normal, right?

346

: 00:17:26

But to be closed off, that is

where I would say like, you need

347

: 00:17:30

more guidance and discernment.

348

: 00:17:33

You need to talk to spiritual director

and other Catholic couples to kind of walk

349

: 00:17:36

with you in that, to kind of figure out

like why is it that you feel that way?

350

: 00:17:39

And if that's the case, am I really

ready to take the next step in marriage?

351

: 00:17:42

Because under the guidance of natural

family and planning, it states that

352

: 00:17:45

contraception in marriage is not allowed.

353

: 00:17:49

So every act of intercourse

has to finish with.

354

: 00:17:55

The man literally inside the

woman finishing in the woman.

355

: 00:17:58

Sorry to get graphic here, but that's

just the reality and that is the truth

356

: 00:18:02

of what natural family planning states,

and there cannot be anything that blocks

357

: 00:18:08

the conception of life or fertility.

358

: 00:18:11

So, um, no condoms, no IUDs, no birth

control pill, all of these are forms

359

: 00:18:18

that, that are blocks to the miracle

of life that God creates in you.

360

: 00:18:25

Um, and you coming together.

361

: 00:18:27

Marriage.

362

: 00:18:29

If you are blocking that somehow

you are not actually receiving

363

: 00:18:33

your spouse fully for who they are.

364

: 00:18:36

You're saying, I want part of

you, but I don't want all of you

365

: 00:18:40

because I don't want your fertility.

366

: 00:18:42

Um, and that.

367

: 00:18:43

Is not the fullness of love you guys

like, that's like not what true love

368

: 00:18:50

in marriage was actually created to be.

369

: 00:18:52

You're not experiencing the

fullness of love in marriage,

370

: 00:18:55

um, if that's what you're living.

371

: 00:18:56

So I encourage you to look into it

more if this is new news to you.

372

: 00:19:00

Um, I was chatting with

a girlfriend group.

373

: 00:19:03

We're all Catholic married wives and

um, it came up recently in a friend

374

: 00:19:07

group that they have that like.

375

: 00:19:09

Like the pullout method really works

and everybody was like, hold up.

376

: 00:19:14

That's actually not okay, and not

in line with Catholic teaching.

377

: 00:19:17

So just if y'all needed to know

that, that also doesn't fly because

378

: 00:19:22

your end result there is not.

379

: 00:19:24

Right.

380

: 00:19:24

Like what we talked about.

381

: 00:19:25

So.

382

: 00:19:27

So those are, that's a

little crash course on NFP.

383

: 00:19:29

I'll tell you, NFP is incredible.

384

: 00:19:32

We did the Creighton method for

a long time, um, when we were

385

: 00:19:35

first avoiding in marriage.

386

: 00:19:37

And Trey charted everything.

387

: 00:19:40

I told him what I was seeing

that day and he charted it all.

388

: 00:19:43

So he knew exactly what part of

my cycle I was at, and it brought

389

: 00:19:47

us together in a whole new way.

390

: 00:19:48

And I think it's really important

for men and husbands to get really

391

: 00:19:51

comfortable with your body as a woman

and your fertility and understanding.

392

: 00:19:56

What all happens and what to expect.

393

: 00:19:58

Um, and then that way too, the woman

isn't the only one who's like, it, it,

394

: 00:20:04

it doesn't, it makes you feel like you're

not the one like gatekeeping, right?

395

: 00:20:07

Because if you're not trying to

have kids, you're supposed to

396

: 00:20:09

avoid intercourse when you're.

397

: 00:20:12

Ovulating.

398

: 00:20:12

When you're in your most fertile,

that's when you can get pregnant.

399

: 00:20:15

People think that you can get pregnant

a hundred percent of the time.

400

: 00:20:17

You literally can only get pregnant during

like a week window basically of the month.

401

: 00:20:22

And there are like days before and after

that that could be like likely, but

402

: 00:20:27

you know, they'll teach you all that

in your NFP course if you're taking it.

403

: 00:20:30

Um, so anyways, that way as a woman,

you're not like gatekeeping sex

404

: 00:20:35

and you're making these decisions

together as a couple depending on what

405

: 00:20:38

your goal is right now in marriage.

406

: 00:20:42

It's really, really beautiful.

407

: 00:20:43

It strengthens your marriage, it

brings you together as a couple.

408

: 00:20:46

Um, and yeah, those

are my thoughts on NFP.

409

: 00:20:50

I probably should record an

episode on this because Wow.

410

: 00:20:53

I just got like really deep

into the weeds of that.

411

: 00:20:55

I hadn't talked about that in a

really long time, really long time.

412

: 00:20:59

Um, so thank you for asking.

413

: 00:21:00

I hope that was helpful.

414

: 00:21:01

Okay.

415

: 00:21:02

Let's see.

416

: 00:21:02

Oh my gosh.

417

: 00:21:03

So cute.

418

: 00:21:04

Someone says, not a question,

just wanna share how many people

419

: 00:21:06

compliment the nativity sweater.

420

: 00:21:07

That makes me really happy.

421

: 00:21:09

I'm obsessed with it, so I'm

glad you're obsessed with it too.

422

: 00:21:13

Um.

423

: 00:21:15

If you weren't doing West

Coast Catholic right now, what

424

: 00:21:17

do you think you'd be doing?

425

: 00:21:18

What a great question I, I've probably

said this before, I didn't plan

426

: 00:21:23

to be doing West Coast Catholic.

427

: 00:21:24

I didn't plan to be a content creator.

428

: 00:21:26

That's not what I thought,

what my life would look like.

429

: 00:21:28

So if all those things hadn't

happened in college and set me

430

: 00:21:32

on this path, I probably would be

431

: 00:21:37

working at a marketing agency.

432

: 00:21:40

I'm also, I've also been super

entrepreneurial my whole life, so

433

: 00:21:43

I could also see myself owning a

marketing agency or a branding agency.

434

: 00:21:47

I could have seen myself going back to

school to get a graphic design degree.

435

: 00:21:51

So I had more of like the

hard skills with softwares and

436

: 00:21:54

stuff, um, to do graphic design.

437

: 00:21:56

I love marketing, but I'm

obsessed with branding.

438

: 00:21:59

So I, I could see myself, yeah, either

probably right after college, working

439

: 00:22:03

in some sort of marketing firm for a

while, or a branding firm, um, and then

440

: 00:22:07

maybe going off and starting my own,

but we'll never know, I guess, right?

441

: 00:22:11

Because, 'cause we do have WCC,

so, but that's a fun question.

442

: 00:22:16

Ooh, this one is so good.

443

: 00:22:17

How to deal with parents that disapprove

of young marriage in your early twenties.

444

: 00:22:23

That's really tough.

445

: 00:22:25

Um, and I experienced that to an

extent when we got engaged because

446

: 00:22:31

I was senior in college, my.

447

: 00:22:34

I was about to say my boyfriend, LOL

Trey, Trey was a junior in college

448

: 00:22:40

and both of our parents actually got

married young, which is hilarious.

449

: 00:22:46

Trey's parents, right outta

college, my parents got married.

450

: 00:22:52

Let's see when they were, yeah, I

literally think 23 and 25 and my

451

: 00:22:59

mom was still finishing up college.

452

: 00:23:01

Um, but my parents had a very

different situation, um, which

453

: 00:23:05

is why I think it made them.

454

: 00:23:07

So fearful.

455

: 00:23:08

So our situation was, we felt

very strongly that we were

456

: 00:23:11

being called to marriage.

457

: 00:23:12

We were very prayerful in our decision.

458

: 00:23:15

It was not a rash decision.

459

: 00:23:17

We discerned it and spoke with several

spiritual directors and friends, um,

460

: 00:23:22

who maybe had just gotten engaged or

who went through a young engagement

461

: 00:23:26

and were getting married and talked

about like, what should we be preparing

462

: 00:23:28

for and all this stuff, right?

463

: 00:23:30

So we knew that we were called to marriage

and, and we were ready to pursue that.

464

: 00:23:35

And when I brought it up to my parents,

'cause my parents were the ones

465

: 00:23:39

that were a little bit more kind of.

466

: 00:23:43

Apprehensive about it being so young.

467

: 00:23:46

They were not apprehensive about

Trey, but it was like, why are, why

468

: 00:23:49

are you in a rush to get married?

469

: 00:23:50

Like, just wait.

470

: 00:23:51

You know?

471

: 00:23:52

But that to them, or like their fear

came from their own life experience.

472

: 00:23:58

They got pregnant, um, with

me unexpectedly in college.

473

: 00:24:02

They were boyfriend girlfriend,

they weren't married.

474

: 00:24:05

It was.

475

: 00:24:06

Auto plan, pregnancy.

476

: 00:24:07

My mom was, I think 19 when she was

pregnant, and I think she was 20 by

477

: 00:24:11

the time she gave birth, and my dad

was 22 or 21 or something like that.

478

: 00:24:15

So.

479

: 00:24:16

Super young parents and their whole

life started kind of backwards, right?

480

: 00:24:20

Like they started with the kid and then

had to get their life together, then got

481

: 00:24:24

married and then moved to the states and

like really started living their life.

482

: 00:24:30

Whereas we were coming from

a very different place and we

483

: 00:24:34

wanted to do things the right way.

484

: 00:24:35

We wanted to get married

before we lived together.

485

: 00:24:38

Um, we were waiting until

marriage to have sex.

486

: 00:24:42

Wanted to start our life right after

college because we wanted to start

487

: 00:24:46

building that future for our family

and that foundation early on because

488

: 00:24:49

we knew we were called to marriage.

489

: 00:24:51

And so we were really confident

and really set on what our plan

490

: 00:24:54

was and what this call was.

491

: 00:24:56

And my parents were kind of fearful.

492

: 00:24:57

They were just like, you have no money,

you're not prepared, you're too young.

493

: 00:25:02

Um, you guys need to mature more.

494

: 00:25:04

You need to at least be out

of school, blah, blah, blah.

495

: 00:25:07

And it's gonna be hard.

496

: 00:25:08

And like, why don't you guys

just spend some time like.

497

: 00:25:11

You know, getting established

as an adult in the real world

498

: 00:25:14

before you get married and, and I

mean, bless their hearts, right?

499

: 00:25:19

I respect them and, and I.

500

: 00:25:21

We had a lot of conversations.

501

: 00:25:23

We had a lot of conversations.

502

: 00:25:25

Y'all and I have Hispanic

family and, and parents.

503

: 00:25:29

Okay.

504

: 00:25:29

So they're not super

easygoing, very opinionated.

505

: 00:25:33

And so they were emotional

conversations and they weren't easy.

506

: 00:25:38

Lots of tears.

507

: 00:25:39

Um, and it was hard because I felt

like I kind of had to fight for that

508

: 00:25:43

a little bit at the beginning to

be like, no, look, this is really.

509

: 00:25:47

Something God's calling us to do

and we are ready and we don't want

510

: 00:25:52

to start our adult lives separately

only to then start over again.

511

: 00:25:56

When we're together.

512

: 00:25:57

We wanna build that foundation of

adulthood together and the things that you

513

: 00:26:01

have to tackle as an adult are literally

going to be easier if you do it together.

514

: 00:26:07

They're very worried about finances

because they had literally had

515

: 00:26:10

nothing when they started and when

they moved to the US they had like

516

: 00:26:12

$400 cash in their pocket, right?

517

: 00:26:13

So that's also a big concern of theirs.

518

: 00:26:16

And I was like, look like

we have real jobs lined up.

519

: 00:26:19

We're gonna be making money for

a year, almost a year, like eight

520

: 00:26:22

months before we actually get married.

521

: 00:26:24

Um, you know, we're starting

to save here are our plans.

522

: 00:26:28

Like, it was mostly about just

like laying out the plans to

523

: 00:26:32

kind of calm all the fears.

524

: 00:26:33

'cause their fears wasn't like.

525

: 00:26:35

Oh my gosh, it's gonna end in divorce

because you got married young.

526

: 00:26:38

That was not their fear.

527

: 00:26:39

It was mostly like out of a place of like

woundedness themselves and the background

528

: 00:26:43

they came from where they just wanted

right us to have the best life possible

529

: 00:26:49

and the most successful life possible

and the least amount of resistance.

530

: 00:26:53

And because they experienced a lot

of resistance with young marriage,

531

: 00:26:55

they wanted to save us from that.

532

: 00:26:57

But I had to constantly remind them

like, my situation is not your situation.

533

: 00:27:00

I don't have a child before marriage.

534

: 00:27:02

We.

535

: 00:27:03

We're starting from the

beginning, you know what I mean?

536

: 00:27:06

Um, we're not moving to a

new country either, and like

537

: 00:27:09

completely starting a new life.

538

: 00:27:11

Like it's, it was very different.

539

: 00:27:13

And so I had to really just kind

of break down what our plans were.

540

: 00:27:18

I think parents really wanna know that,

like, you've actually thought about

541

: 00:27:21

it, that you're not just like, ah,

yeah, we wanna get married 'cause we're

542

: 00:27:25

in love and we wanna live together.

543

: 00:27:27

You know what I mean?

544

: 00:27:27

, And, and it shouldn't be like emotion led.

545

: 00:27:29

Right?

546

: 00:27:30

And they shouldn't.

547

: 00:27:30

They're worried that that's probably it.

548

: 00:27:32

And so you need to show them your maturity

and your plan for what this life is

549

: 00:27:38

gonna look like once you get married

and address all of their concerns.

550

: 00:27:42

Have conversations where you

sit down and you really listen.

551

: 00:27:44

Like what are your concerns?

552

: 00:27:47

I just wanna know so I can

open my eyes to see maybe.

553

: 00:27:50

Things that I'm not seeing, um,

that you all, that you are seeing

554

: 00:27:54

because you are older and wiser.

555

: 00:27:56

Right?

556

: 00:27:56

And you're my parent.

557

: 00:27:57

So listen to them.

558

: 00:27:59

Take those and find the

answers to all them.

559

: 00:28:02

Create the plans for all them, and then

bring 'em back and be like, look, thank

560

: 00:28:06

you so much for the perspective on that.

561

: 00:28:07

Like we didn't.

562

: 00:28:08

We didn't know that.

563

: 00:28:09

We didn't think about that.

564

: 00:28:09

Here's our plan.

565

: 00:28:10

Or maybe you have thought about these

things and you're like, oh yeah,

566

: 00:28:13

no need to be concerned about that.

567

: 00:28:14

Here's our plan for this.

568

: 00:28:15

Here's our plan for finances.

569

: 00:28:16

Here's where we're gonna live.

570

: 00:28:18

This is what our jobs are like lined

up, and this is our plan for, um,

571

: 00:28:22

you know, family and, and what the

future's gonna look like and where

572

: 00:28:25

we're gonna live and all that stuff.

573

: 00:28:27

So hopefully that was helpful.

574

: 00:28:29

I'll just say navigating it like.

575

: 00:28:31

It can be really, really hard.

576

: 00:28:33

And I remember in that season

always telling myself like,

577

: 00:28:35

it shouldn't be this way.

578

: 00:28:36

Your engagement period should

be so joyful and celebratory,

579

: 00:28:40

because that's what I grew up with

seeing in all the rom-com movies.

580

: 00:28:43

I'm such a romantic and I just have

watched every rom-com movie out there.

581

: 00:28:48

And.

582

: 00:28:49

What I came to realize is two things.

583

: 00:28:51

One, yes, it should be right.

584

: 00:28:54

Like you deserve that.

585

: 00:28:55

You deserve to be celebrated and supported

by the people around you, um, in this time

586

: 00:29:00

as you prepare for engagement or marriage.

587

: 00:29:03

Um, but the reality is

that like life is life.

588

: 00:29:06

Life is messy, and engagement

is just another part of life.

589

: 00:29:09

And.

590

: 00:29:10

It's never gonna be picture perfect.

591

: 00:29:11

Your engagement's not

gonna be picture perfect.

592

: 00:29:14

Um, your marriage is not

gonna be picture perfect.

593

: 00:29:16

Your wedding is not gonna

go exactly as it seems.

594

: 00:29:18

Your wedding planning is not

gonna be picture perfect.

595

: 00:29:21

So.

596

: 00:29:22

The sooner I realized that and was

like, this is just a part of life.

597

: 00:29:25

There's not really a picture of

like how things should be because

598

: 00:29:29

everybody's life is different and

everybody's situation is different.

599

: 00:29:32

Um, but I had a few friends that

were really supportive and other.

600

: 00:29:38

Adults that were really supportive

because they had gone through it and

601

: 00:29:42

they were confident in our decision.

602

: 00:29:44

And that really helped me to kind of

keep going and trust in our decision.

603

: 00:29:48

And eventually my parents did come around.

604

: 00:29:50

They did come around and they were

supportive and they were excited for us.

605

: 00:29:54

Um, and I mean, as the

wedding came closer, I, they

606

: 00:29:57

were just, they were all in.

607

: 00:29:58

We were all, all in.

608

: 00:29:59

So, um.

609

: 00:30:02

Oh, another thing in that whole process

was our parents, both on both sides,

610

: 00:30:05

really wanted us to push the date back

more because we were getting married in

611

: 00:30:09

the middle of COVID, and um, logistics

were just super difficult to actually

612

: 00:30:14

plan for what was gonna happen by the day.

613

: 00:30:16

The wedding came around 'cause stuff was

changing all the time, but we felt really

614

: 00:30:20

confident in the date that we picked.

615

: 00:30:21

So you need to discern that too, right?

616

: 00:30:23

You need to discern like between you

and your, your future spouse and God.

617

: 00:30:27

Like what is it that you are being called

to and when do you want to get married?

618

: 00:30:32

What does that timeline look like?

619

: 00:30:35

Um, and try and really stay,

stay grounded in that because.

620

: 00:30:39

Marriage is just you guys, you know,

it's not your parents anymore and

621

: 00:30:42

it's not their opinion anymore.

622

: 00:30:44

You can always respect your parents

and receive their opinion, but you

623

: 00:30:47

don't have to do what they say anymore.

624

: 00:30:49

So, um.

625

: 00:30:50

We felt really, really strong about the

date that we had picked and we didn't

626

: 00:30:54

want a longer engagement than we already

had, and so we never moved to the date.

627

: 00:30:57

And we said if there's one person

at the wedding or a hundred people

628

: 00:31:00

at the wedding, we're getting

th,: 2021

629

: 00:31:04

And that's what happened.

630

: 00:31:05

And it was beautiful and we

were able to have everybody that

631

: 00:31:07

we wanted to at the wedding.

632

: 00:31:10

Okay.

633

: 00:31:11

There are also.

634

: 00:31:13

There's also an episode

from a long time ago.

635

: 00:31:15

That's like everything I recommend

to you in a season of engagement.

636

: 00:31:18

So if you are engaged and you're

listening, go listen to that.

637

: 00:31:21

Okay.

638

: 00:31:21

Wow.

639

: 00:31:21

We're really on like a

relationships train here.

640

: 00:31:23

So this question says how to

explain chastity to a Catholic you

641

: 00:31:27

are dating who doesn't understand

or necessarily agree with it.

642

: 00:31:30

The biggest thing that was important

for me, I heard, I believe it was Jason

643

: 00:31:36

Everett who said it in a talk once, maybe

644

: 00:31:39

I heard him say that sex is the

physical vows that you make on.

645

: 00:31:47

The altar on your wedding day verbally.

646

: 00:31:50

Does that make sense?

647

: 00:31:51

So the verbal vows you say on your

wedding day are renewed and are

648

: 00:31:55

professed to each other every time

you come together in marriage.

649

: 00:31:59

Therefore, when you are having

sex outside of marriage, you are.

650

: 00:32:04

Physically and spiritually.

651

: 00:32:06

'cause there is like a sacramental

component to sex within marriage.

652

: 00:32:11

Right.

653

: 00:32:12

And the purpose of sex, because it's

made for the confines of marriage.

654

: 00:32:17

there is a emotional.

655

: 00:32:20

And physical and spiritual component

of making those vows to the person

656

: 00:32:25

that you are being intimate with.

657

: 00:32:27

And if that's not your spouse, you are

making those promises to that person.

658

: 00:32:32

And it is extremely difficult

to be detached from that

659

: 00:32:36

person once you're doing that.

660

: 00:32:38

And I wanted to look at my spouse on the

day of my wedding night and say like.

661

: 00:32:46

I have only promised these to you, like on

my wedding day, I'm going to verbally say

662

: 00:32:52

these vows to you for the rest of my life.

663

: 00:32:54

And every time we come together

in marriage, I'm renewing

664

: 00:32:57

these vows to you and only you.

665

: 00:33:00

Now, this doesn't mean that if you've

already had sex outside of marriage,

666

: 00:33:04

that you can't renew this commitment

and renew those vows, and it doesn't

667

: 00:33:08

mean that that is not like as beautiful.

668

: 00:33:10

It absolutely is.

669

: 00:33:12

So I really encourage you

if that's, if that's you.

670

: 00:33:15

To, to do that and to not feel

like this doesn't apply to you

671

: 00:33:19

because it absolutely does.

672

: 00:33:20

Now the other thing is like, there's,

there's many levels of, you know,

673

: 00:33:25

physical intimacy that you get

through before you end up having sex.

674

: 00:33:29

And so chastity applies to

from the very beginning, right?

675

: 00:33:32

It doesn't just mean don't have sex.

676

: 00:33:34

I think that's a misconception

I had for a long time.

677

: 00:33:36

Misconception a lot of Catholics have

for a long time that chastity just

678

: 00:33:39

means don't have sex until you're

marriage and everything else is fine.

679

: 00:33:42

And that's not true.

680

: 00:33:43

So, anything beyond kissing

is saved for marriage.

681

: 00:33:47

That is true fact.

682

: 00:33:48

And all of that is technically

for preparation of sex, right?

683

: 00:33:55

Foreplay, like that's all

part of the sexual act.

684

: 00:33:58

And to think that doing

that is not leading you to.

685

: 00:34:04

Sin is to be naive because it's

really hard to do that and then

686

: 00:34:09

have the willpower to stop.

687

: 00:34:11

And so therefore, it's considered a near

occasion of sin where you are putting

688

: 00:34:15

yourself in a situation where you are

very likely to fall into mortal sin.

689

: 00:34:20

Um, so if that's something that you're

experiencing at all, go to confession.

690

: 00:34:25

If you didn't know now, you know,

um, and I will say my advice to this

691

: 00:34:32

person that's asking this question.

692

: 00:34:34

The person that you date needs to

be on the same page and needs to

693

: 00:34:37

be on board with chastity just as

much as you are for it to work.

694

: 00:34:42

They can't be doing it for you

and they can't be doing it.

695

: 00:34:46

Because of you.

696

: 00:34:47

Right?

697

: 00:34:48

They can't just be like, okay, I'm

gonna respect and agree to this

698

: 00:34:51

because it's important to you.

699

: 00:34:52

They actually have to

believe it themselves.

700

: 00:34:55

And I know this 'cause I experienced

this time and time again with different

701

: 00:34:58

relationships I had where I was the one

who cared about chastity and they didn't.

702

: 00:35:01

And anytime that you slip up or you get

weak is like their opportunity to be like,

703

: 00:35:06

okay, I'm gonna like, this is my chance.

704

: 00:35:07

Right?

705

: 00:35:08

That's not true Love.

706

: 00:35:10

And our job is to get

our spouse to heaven.

707

: 00:35:13

Not like we're saving them, right?

708

: 00:35:15

Because that's Jesus.

709

: 00:35:15

But like we are tasked with

helping our spouse get to heaven.

710

: 00:35:21

And so.

711

: 00:35:23

I wanted to protect Trey even in

our relationship because I don't

712

: 00:35:27

know if he was gonna be my husband.

713

: 00:35:29

I mean, I was pretty sure he was

gonna be my husband, but you never

714

: 00:35:31

know until you're on the altar.

715

: 00:35:32

And I don't want to lead him to

sin or lead him to anything that's

716

: 00:35:36

going to be a block between him and

the Lord and him and his sanctity.

717

: 00:35:40

And.

718

: 00:35:41

If the other person you're, if the person

you're dating is not on board with that,

719

: 00:35:46

they are, they don't have that mentality

and it's going to be really hard.

720

: 00:35:50

So for me it was kind of a

non-negotiable to date, someone

721

: 00:35:53

that was on the same page as me.

722

: 00:35:55

And it made all the difference.

723

: 00:35:57

It made all the difference.

724

: 00:35:59

And it is literally the only

reason Trey and I were able to

725

: 00:36:01

wait until we were married because

we were both on the same page.

726

: 00:36:05

Okay.

727

: 00:36:06

This question says, I'm an OCIA.

728

: 00:36:08

How do I choose godparents for my

children if we don't know other Catholics?

729

: 00:36:12

And should I choose a saint

name for confirmation?

730

: 00:36:15

How to begin my search?

731

: 00:36:16

Wow, how beautiful.

732

: 00:36:17

Were Well, congratulations that you're

in this journey of becoming Catholic.

733

: 00:36:21

That is so exciting and so beautiful, and.

734

: 00:36:24

Wow, it's gonna be amazing.

735

: 00:36:26

Um, how to choose godparents when

you don't know other Catholics.

736

: 00:36:30

That is a tough one.

737

: 00:36:31

I mean, I, I will say I can't

speak from experience, but I have

738

: 00:36:36

been a godparent to several of my

friends' children and I believe.

739

: 00:36:42

I know this because I had to

fill out a form recently, I

740

: 00:36:44

believe, and I might be wrong.

741

: 00:36:46

So fact, check me, please ask your priest.

742

: 00:36:48

Um, I think you actually can also

pick, if you don't have any Catholic

743

: 00:36:53

people in your life, I think you

might be able to pick really faithful

744

: 00:36:56

Christians, um, to be godparents.

745

: 00:36:59

So I would ask in case that's.

746

: 00:37:02

Not true.

747

: 00:37:03

Um, but then my other piece of

advice would be to get really plugged

748

: 00:37:07

into your community at church.

749

: 00:37:09

And if you have kids, plug them

into the kids programs, any sort

750

: 00:37:13

of catechism that they have.

751

: 00:37:14

Um.

752

: 00:37:15

Get to know the parents in

the same like sacramental prep

753

: 00:37:19

classes if they have those.

754

: 00:37:20

And maybe ask people that work at the

parish or that are very well connected

755

: 00:37:24

at the parish, like is there another

family you can connect us with?

756

: 00:37:27

Like, we wanna learn, we wanna

get to know other families in the

757

: 00:37:29

parish and maybe make it a point

to get to know other families in

758

: 00:37:34

the parish for the next few months.

759

: 00:37:36

And then from there.

760

: 00:37:38

Hopefully somebody would, you know, be

fit to be a godparent for your children.

761

: 00:37:43

Um, that's kind of all I

can think of right now.

762

: 00:37:45

And then for confirmation Saint,

I would say start researching, um,

763

: 00:37:51

start looking up, you know, top

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