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Mari and Trey dive into five different types of marital communion: spiritual unity, emotional intimacy, companionship, teamwork, and sexual intimacy. They share personal experiences, challenges, and effective practices to deepen each type of unity in marriage. They discuss what it takes to build a strong, God-centered relationship. Additionally, they address a listener’s question about the television series ‘The Chosen.’ Tune in for a conversation on nurturing love and connection in marriage.

00:18 Exciting New Launch

01:08 Five Types of Marital Communion

01:52 Ever Be Moments: A Trip to Columbia

04:37 Introduction to Marital Communion

09:18 Spiritual Unity in Marriage

18:17 Emotional Intimacy: The Glue of Marriage

31:22 Companionship: Sharing Life Together

39:33 The Importance of Teamwork in Marriage

48:16 Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

56:52 Summary and Final Thoughts

01:00:00 Ever Be Answers: The Chosen

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Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to The Ever Be

2

Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.

3

I'm so excited you're here.

4

Whether you're a new listener

or a longtime follower, I know

5

there's something here for you.

6

Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful, real life conversations and

7

actionable steps on how to claim the.

8

Full life God created you for.

9

If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ-centered life in today's

10

modern world, then this is for you.

11

Welcome to ever be.

12

m-t_10_10-29-2025_114645: Hello.

13

Hello.

14

Welcome back to Ever Be Today.

15

I've got Trey on as a guest again.

16

Yay.

17

I'm back.

18

It's been a while.

19

I feel like since you've been on

the podcast like for full episode.

20

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21

We do the after parties every week

that I'm on, but So now you're

22

on Ever Be stuff kind of a lot.

23

But not for a full episode.

24

It's while, but not for a full episode.

25

Yeah, and I'm excited for today's, um,

if you are on Patreon, you are probably

26

watching this on video or you're able

to, and you can see that I'm wearing the

27

brand new West Coast Catholic sweatshirt.

28

It's the Catholic varsity mock

neck one, and I've got the gold

29

dainty sacred heart necklace, and

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I just am so happy that it's

launched and that it's out there.

31

I've had it for a long time and

there's been so many times where I'm

32

wearing it around the house and I

sit down to record a podcast and then

33

I'm like, Ugh, you have to change.

34

I have to change.

35

Like I have to take the sweatshirt

off 'cause it's not launched yet

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and like people can't see it yet.

37

So I'm so glad that I just get to

wear it and just like have it on the

38

podcast and on video because I truly

wear it like I wear these sweatshirts.

39

Yeah, all the time.

40

You've been obsessed.

41

I've been obsessed.

42

They're so comfy and they're so cute.

43

So.

44

Anyways, that's that.

45

Today we're gonna be chatting about five

different types of marital communion.

46

I did a little bit of like a

story series on this months ago,

47

maybe like six months ago or so,

or maybe even, almost a year ago.

48

It's so wild, but.

49

It got so many story views and so many

conversations were happening in my dms.

50

Um, and so it seemed like it was like a

topic that really piqued your interest

51

that you wanted to learn more about,

that maybe you hadn't ever heard about,

52

um, in any sort of marriage like.

53

Formation or anything like that.

54

So I'm excited to dive a little

bit deeper in them today.

55

Yeah, me too.

56

I mean, this has been a big part of

our marriage and our relationship.

57

Mm-hmm.

58

And, uh, I do think it's gonna

be really, really beneficial and

59

helpful to a lot of you guys.

60

Yeah.

61

Well, before we dive in, let's start

off with our ever Be Moments segment.

62

This is your first ever be moment.

63

First ever be moments.

64

I was wondering if you

were gonna remember.

65

Yes, yes, yes, I did remember.

66

So, uh, do you have one?

67

Or do I have to go first?

68

How about you go first.

69

I usually have my guests go first.

70

Okay, great.

71

Well, we might have the same one.

72

Uh, the ever be moment was

going to Columbia last week.

73

We spontaneously booked a flight,

uh, last weekend on Saturday night

74

and flew out Sunday, uh, to fly to

Columbia, south America where Mari

75

grew up and, uh, visit her family.

76

Mm-hmm.

77

And it felt so like.

78

Peaceful and like we were meant to go.

79

Like I felt very driven and

led by the Holy Spirit mm-hmm.

80

Uh, to do that.

81

Like there was just, even though

it was kind of a crazy trip and

82

last minute, and, uh, it just felt

very like of the Lord and there's

83

a lot of peace in there and mm-hmm.

84

And then obviously the trip was

amazing and being able to see mm-hmm.

85

Mari's family, uh, and her grandma

and see the house and the place

86

where she grew up was really special.

87

And so That's fine.

88

Yeah.

89

I mean, I was kind of gonna say

the same thing, basically, like it

90

was such a crazy spur of the moment

thing, but for some reason it just

91

felt like God was working in it.

92

Like for some reason God called us to

go and I think it was a very special

93

trip that we're gonna cherish forever.

94

We made so many memories in such

a short amount of time together

95

and with my extended family,

and I just know the Lord was.

96

Really present in those moments,

and we also were able to give my

97

grandma holy water to bless her

house before she sold her house.

98

That's why we went down there.

99

Did you already say that?

100

Uh, not why we went down.

101

No.

102

Yeah, yeah.

103

So if you didn't see on Instagram, we

flew down to Columbia like literally

104

one day to the next because my grandma

told me she was selling her house

105

and I thought I was gonna be okay.

106

Not like saying goodbye to the house.

107

And Trey had never been to Columbia,

so he like never got to see the house.

108

And I was like, that's fine,

I'll, I'll get over it.

109

And a couple weeks went by and then I

couldn't get outta my head and I was

110

like, Trey, we have to go to Columbia.

111

And then it happened to be that.

112

My dad was flying the next day to

Columbia for like a work thing,

113

and he was like, just come with me.

114

Yeah.

115

And we were like, what?

116

Okay.

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And so we booked flights for the next

day and that's why we were down there.

118

Um.

119

But yeah, it was so beautiful.

120

Oh, yeah.

121

And we were able to give my grandma holy

water to bless her home and just have

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like a beautiful, like closing to this

chapter of my grandma's home in Columbia.

123

Although I still have very high

hopes that maybe I can convince my

124

dad to buy it or, or to not sell it.

125

Not sell it basically.

126

And, um, and keep it, so, yeah.

127

Yep.

128

Okay.

129

Now back to the episode.

130

Now back to the episode five

types of marital communion.

131

So where did we get this from?

132

We are not marriage therapists

or marriage experts.

133

Nope.

134

We've only been married, um,

like four and a half years or so.

135

And so we're still very much

learning, but we both are super

136

passionate about God-centered

marriages and healthy marriages.

137

So.

138

I feel like at this point in our

relationship, dating, engagement, and

139

marriage, we've actually dove into like

marriage resources like quite a bit.

140

Yeah.

141

And a few years ago we did a marriage

retreat with the JP two Healing

142

Center that's based out of Florida.

143

They flew here to Colorado and they

hosted a retreat and it was so incredible.

144

Yeah.

145

Like highly recommend for anybody.

146

It was amazing.

147

If there's ever a JP two healing center.

148

Yeah.

149

That's what it's called.

150

Uh, retreat going on.

151

In your state or even a few states

over that you can drive to or get to?

152

I would definitely recommend going.

153

So recommend the marriage.

154

One is called Unveiled and it is

like we went just like a year and a

155

half into marriage, or maybe it was,

it's like two years into marriage,

156

two years into marriage, and we were

like, what do we have to go for?

157

We're newlyweds.

158

We don't have like serious issues.

159

Yeah, like we have like.

160

You know, uh, kinks that

were working out Sure.

161

But like in normal marriage stuff,

but like, not like problems.

162

Right.

163

And we, and, and newsflash like,

you don't need to go to a, you

164

don't need to have problems No.

165

To go to a retreat.

166

Right.

167

Definitely not.

168

It's just an opportunity to

deepen your marriage, deepen your

169

relationship with the Lord, and

like root your marriage in Christ.

170

And so we went and we just were

so grateful that we went and.

171

In one of their sessions they talked

about five types of marital communion.

172

So this is like their content that

we are just gonna share with you guys

173

that we learned and we'll share with

you guys what those five types are.

174

We're gonna share a little bit about

like how we've experienced strengthening

175

that certain type of marital communion

in our relationship, and then they

176

taught us what are the obstacles.

177

To that like aspect of marital communion

and what are some practices you can

178

do to kind of bridge that gap and

strengthen that part of your marriage?

179

Um, so I really hope it's gonna

be like really like hands-on,

180

kind of workshopy style here.

181

Bring your husband, your wife,

and a notebook and like take notes

182

'cause it's gonna be really good.

183

Yep.

184

Um, all that to say, I just wanna

start out by saying that like.

185

Communion and unity in your marriage isn't

like automatic and doesn't just happen

186

because you're married and in love, right?

187

Mm-hmm.

188

Marriage takes work and you've probably

heard of that, and it doesn't just

189

take work because sometimes it's hard.

190

And you have to like work

at like loving each other.

191

It just takes work to have a

beautiful, healthy marriage because

192

it doesn't happen on its own.

193

It's cultivated and we have to put

in the time and the energy to give

194

to our spouse to recognize where

we can better love our spouse.

195

Recognize different ways that we can

connect, that we can stretch each

196

other, that we can connect and grow in

different parts of our relationship.

197

Yeah.

198

And every, like, everything you're

saying, Mari, like marriage isn't held

199

together by feelings or compatibility,

but it's held together by communion.

200

Which is the unity of

two lives becoming one.

201

Mm-hmm.

202

And so, like Mari said,

communion isn't automatic.

203

It's not like because you're

married, you have communion.

204

Mm-hmm.

205

It's takes work.

206

And so communion is cultivated

just like Mari said.

207

Mm-hmm.

208

Yeah.

209

And it happens over time too, right?

210

Mm-hmm.

211

And there's different facets of your

marriage that you can connect on and

212

that will strengthen your marriage

as you kind of like strengthen these

213

different like parts of your marriage.

214

And that can happen over time too.

215

So I'm sure that like.

216

There's ways that we've grown together

in these just four and a half years.

217

Yep.

218

That then like there's gonna be other

ways we grow together in our like five

219

to 10 years of marriage and then other

ways in 10 to 20, you know what I mean?

220

Oh yeah.

221

So also as you're listening to these,

definitely like lean into all of them,

222

but also know that like growth happens

over time and your marriage isn't gonna

223

be like completely transformed overnight.

224

Yep.

225

Okay.

226

Let's jump in.

227

Great.

228

What are the five types

of communion Marie?

229

Okay.

230

Five different types of marital communion.

231

I have my little chart up from the

workbook that we did on the retreat.

232

We have spiritual unity.

233

Emotional intimacy, companionship,

teamwork, and sexual intimacy.

234

These are five different areas of

marital communion that are going to

235

bring you together and strengthen your

marriage and give you an opportunity

236

to connect on so many different levels.

237

We'll go through one by one.

238

. Okay.

239

First one is spiritual unity.

240

What is spiritual unity?

241

Spiritual unity is the foundation

for a Christian marriage.

242

It is building your home in the Lord.

243

It flows from the graces of your

sacrament, and it's really about

244

living the true meaning of your

covenant with God and each other.

245

So it's that spiritual connection

that you both have in your

246

marriage that's rooted in God?

247

And I think an important part of

spiritual, spiritual communion

248

is recognizing that your marriage

is actually a sacrament, not

249

a legal binding arrangement.

250

It's not a contract, but it's a covenant.

251

Right?

252

It's like this, like how do

you explain covenant again?

253

Well, covenant is, it's like.

254

If there's relationship, like a covenant

takes a relationship to the next level.

255

Yeah.

256

Like it's a more serious, more um,

it's like in the Old Testament when

257

they would exchange covenants, there's

oftentimes like a blood type thing.

258

It's like you become family.

259

It's like family bonds are formed.

260

Yeah, exactly.

261

Right?

262

Mm-hmm.

263

So that's an important thing to remember.

264

Like your marriage is actually

a spiritual sacrament.

265

There are graces that flow through

it, and there's great spiritual

266

importance and like meaning behind that.

267

It's not just like an agreement or just

two people living in a house, right?

268

Yep.

269

And I think too, like.

270

Obviously us being Catholic, it's

like the spiritual part is very real

271

and it's like we're body and soul.

272

And so there's uh, levels of

unity in here that relate to your

273

emotional and your physical as

like the body and your emotions.

274

But then there's also like, we can't

forget the soul and the spiritual

275

and all, and like ultimately the.

276

The spiritual aspects of our

beings are often like the most

277

intimate parts of our being.

278

Oh yeah.

279

And so, uh, I know people like couples.

280

Like, pray like they would rather

like be, you know, in other areas

281

of intimacy are way easier for

them than spiritual intimacy.

282

Mm-hmm.

283

And that's like really challenging

because it's so deep and like

284

raw, vulnerable and vulnerable.

285

And so, um, so yeah.

286

I mean obviously it's

very, very important.

287

Yeah.

288

So what are some ways that we

have strengthened our spiritual

289

unity throughout the years?

290

Well, I know we've said this in the

podcast before, but, uh, I think

291

the biggest like strength and asset

that we have in our marriage for

292

spiritual unity is the fact that we

pray together every single night.

293

Yeah.

294

Um, every single night before we go to

bed, as right before we drift off to

295

sleep, we're laying in bed and we'll

just alternate who prays that night.

296

Mm-hmm.

297

And so it's just very casual,

just a free prayer, um, thanking

298

God for the day and mm-hmm.

299

Uh.

300

Sharing any intentions that we

have or petitions and praying for

301

people in our life, um, or things

going on in our lives, or if one of

302

us is having a bad day or a rough.

303

Time or there's like a certain, uh,

there's like anxiety or stress or

304

something, like a need that one of us has.

305

Yeah.

306

Then we'll like pray, like do

intercession prayer, uh, for that person.

307

Um, so, uh, sometimes it takes

like, it's a, it's a ten second

308

prayer and sometimes it's like a

five minute prayer, and so yeah.

309

Um, it, it, it varies, but that's,

I mean, that's like our anchor.

310

That's our anchor, and I can't recommend

that enough to other married couples.

311

It's such a simple practice that

once you build up the habit, like.

312

It stays forever and it's so easy

to do, but it's so anchoring in your

313

relationship so that there's always that.

314

Moment where you are like sharing

your marriage with the Lord and you

315

are like being open and vulnerable

with your spouse and like praying

316

together to the Lord and then praying

to the Lord on behalf of each other.

317

It's just, yeah, it's beautiful.

318

I love it.

319

And it's like.

320

It actually is so easy.

321

It is like, it's so easy.

322

I would say that's like the easiest way to

incorporate spiritual intimacy into your

323

marriage is a short, quick bedtime prayer.

324

Yeah.

325

Uh, also the friends that we have, we

have lots of friends who do have kiddos,

326

uh, and they'll do their family prayer

before they put the kids down mm-hmm.

327

For bed.

328

So that's seven or eight

or 9:00 PM like they'll.

329

Pray together as a family, do a very

similar thing to what Mario and I

330

do, or sometimes they'll incorporate,

uh, the gospel reading of the day.

331

Mm-hmm.

332

Or, uh, something, something else, but.

333

Uh, just a quick two minute

family prayer, they mm-hmm.

334

Like, invite the kids to pray for

their intentions and, uh, thank God

335

for things going on in their life.

336

Yeah.

337

Uh, and it's really beautiful.

338

And then they put the kids down to bed.

339

Um, so if you have kids, you

can also include them in it.

340

Yeah.

341

I love that.

342

Another way that we've connected

on spiritual unity is like

343

reading spiritual books together.

344

Um, and that's either been like

marriage books that are like

345

from a Catholic perspective or.

346

At least, like I know that there's

been times where we've either read the

347

same spiritual book at the same time,

or you've read it and you're like, oh,

348

that's so good, you should read it.

349

Mm-hmm.

350

And then we get to like chat about

that a little bit and so it just opens

351

the door for spiritual conversations.

352

Yep.

353

Yeah.

354

I think other things you could do

is obviously go to mass together.

355

That should be a given.

356

Um, but you can include a daily

mass, uh, together with your spouse.

357

Or like, what mine I'll do is

we'll go to adoration occasionally,

358

uh, where we'll just both go

to the adoration chapel mm-hmm.

359

For 30 minutes.

360

An hour.

361

Yeah.

362

Uh, and do that like once a week or, yeah.

363

Even once a month is beautiful.

364

Mm-hmm.

365

Yeah.

366

Because praying together is what's going

to strengthen that spiritual unity and.

367

It's cheesy, but it's so true.

368

Like the couple that prays together

stays together and prayer is

369

a weapon that you use against

spiritual attack in your marriage.

370

Mm-hmm.

371

Marriage is so beautiful and so powerful,

and it is our path to sanctity to heaven.

372

And so it's going to be very heavily

attacked in different ways throughout

373

your marriage, and so the more that you're

rooted and anchored in Christ Together.

374

The less susceptible you

are to spiritual attack.

375

Yeah.

376

Which actually the obstacle of spiritual

unity is apathy and spiritual warfare.

377

What do you think of when you hear

that apathy and spiritual warfare?

378

What does that look like?

379

I mean, the first thing I think of

is just How we have experienced that

380

in our life, uh, in our marriage.

381

Um, I think in the spiritual

life, there's always gonna be

382

constellations and desolation.

383

Uh, there's just gonna be a

natural, uh, rhythm to that.

384

And God will provide constellations and

he might, um, not provided constellations

385

and it'll feel like he's absent.

386

Mm-hmm.

387

Um, the important thing though, is

that during those times is desolation.

388

When you feel like God's far away,

you feel like there's dryness

389

and prayer, um, or you feel very

distant that the important thing

390

is that you keep the habits that

you had during the constellations.

391

That's one of the, pieces of

advice that Ignatius gives, uh, in

392

his spiritual exercises is that,

uh, when you are in desolation.

393

Don't change anything.

394

Mm-hmm.

395

And so just be consistent, be

diligent, um, have the discipline and

396

just continue showing up for prayer.

397

Um, and I feel like that's in our life,

that's where things can go awry or

398

where these obstacles get hard or where

there is disunity in spiritual, in our

399

spiritual unity, uh, is when there is

apathy and it's like, oh, I feel like

400

God's far away, so I'll just stop praying.

401

Altogether.

402

Mm-hmm.

403

And they'll be like, weeks I go

outta time and I'll be like, oh wow.

404

I haven't prayed in like a week.

405

Um, and so, and it's because I

just don't care about apathy.

406

And so the devil will always try

to tempt you with, uh, with apathy.

407

And so yeah, I feel like that's

definitely been an impact.

408

And then when we are conscious

of that and we are intentional,

409

are intentional to like.

410

Uh, resist that temptation and like

lean into prayer, then you can feel

411

like it's a very tangible effect

that you feel the spiritual intimacy

412

or spiritual unity coming back.

413

Yeah, totally.

414

Totally.

415

Okay.

416

The practice that will

restore, um, any gaps or.

417

Like breakage that you have

in spiritual unity is going

418

to be praying and worshiping

together, not just individually.

419

Obviously our individual spiritual

lives are super important and

420

should be a priority, but what's

going to strengthen that in your

421

marriage is doing that to together.

422

So that would be like what Trey

said, praying together every night,

423

attending sacraments together.

424

Um, even like worship

music together, like.

425

We don't do this a lot anymore, but

we didn't, we were missionaries,

426

like even as a group, but like

having us be together there, I think

427

helped like strengthen it for me.

428

But like playing worship music

and just like praying with worship

429

music on, you know what I mean?

430

Like moments where you come

together and pray and worship

431

is going to strengthen that.

432

Yep.

433

Okay.

434

That's spiritual unity.

435

Next, what do we have, Trey?

436

We have emotional intimacy.

437

Uh, so the definition

of this is, lemme see.

438

Emotional intimacy is essential.

439

And marriage for many reasons.

440

It allows you to feel close,

understood, and valued by each other.

441

It is also key for maintaining

teamwork, reconciliation.

442

Spiritual and sexual intimacy

and for finding joy in

443

marriage, it's so important.

444

So that's, yeah, I mean, I mean,

honestly, like if you think about

445

emotional intimacy, I feel like

that's when people experience

446

love, that's what they're mostly

experiencing is that form of intimacy.

447

There's obviously five different types of

intimacy, but when you experience like the

448

feeling of falling in love, it's typically

in this emotional intimacy category.

449

And it's also from what this

definition, from this retreat book

450

is giving us, it's the key for

maintaining teamwork, reconciliation,

451

spiritual, and sexual intimacy,

and for fighting joy in marriage.

452

So it's almost like the bedrock, it's

like the glue, like the foundation

453

that then can hold all the other stuff.

454

Yeah.

455

Because if you, you're not, if you

don't have emotional intimacy, then

456

uh, spiritual intimacy will be really

hard because it's very vulnerable.

457

Vulnerable.

458

And then sexual intimacy is very hard.

459

As well.

460

Um, so yeah, I can, it's very important.

461

Yeah, I was thinking about it as like

the glue that holds everything together,

462

or like you said, the foundation

that the house is built upon, like

463

that needs to be rock solid for the

other ones to also be able to thrive.

464

m-t_11_10-29-2025_121501: Okay.

465

So how have we tried to grow

in and strengthen emotional

466

unity in our marriage?

467

Well, I'd say you, Mari

are really good at this.

468

I think this is like your strength.

469

Oh, thank you.

470

And tell me how, so you'll like.

471

Like, there'll be moments where like

you are just craving emotional intimacy,

472

and so you'll like put everything away.

473

You'll like put your phone down or you'll

put your food down, or whatever you're

474

working on or whatever you're doing.

475

You'll like close the laptop and

you'll just like scoot up really

476

close to me and just like need

to have physical contact with it.

477

And either hold my hands, hold your hands,

or put your hands, my hands on your legs,

478

or, yeah, and then just like stare into

my eyes and be like, okay, let's connect.

479

Like, how are you?

480

Or Tell me how you're feeling.

481

Yeah.

482

Like tell me your emotions.

483

What do you feel right now?

484

I do ask you that a lot where

I'm like, tell me how you feel.

485

Yeah.

486

And then sometimes I'll like

do some follow up questions.

487

'cause I feel like, and correct

me if I'm wrong, maybe it's you or

488

maybe it's men in general, have a

harder time, like pinpointing what

489

a feeling is called or what they're

feeling like putting words to that.

490

Right.

491

So just asking how you feel.

492

Sometimes as a wife, you just

kinda get the answer like, good.

493

Yeah, I'm, I'm great.

494

You know, or like I told you

how I feel, it's all great.

495

Mm-hmm.

496

Or like, you know, it's

like, oh, I don't know.

497

I'm, I'm just stressed.

498

I don't know.

499

And there's only like one

word attached to it, right?

500

Yep.

501

And so sometimes I try and like do some

follow up questions to kind of dig deeper.

502

Yeah.

503

I prod your questions, not

prodding, just, but yeah.

504

Like, I'm just, I just want lovingly,

lovingly learning more about what

505

you're feeling internally, because I

think the more open we can be with our

506

spouse of how we're doing internally,

the more understanding and compassion

507

we have for our spouse, the more

we understand their behavior, where

508

they're coming from, what their needs

are, how we can support and love them.

509

Yeah.

510

Which is what we wanna do.

511

Of course.

512

And then also there's times where.

513

If it feels like, wow, it's been

a few days, or it's been a week of

514

just feeling, feeling a little bit

distant from each other, like we're

515

just not connecting, then we'll just

be like, okay, it is time for a date.

516

We gotta, we need a date night.

517

So then we'll go out to dinner and just

like make sure we put everything away

518

and just talk, talk and try to reconnect.

519

So, yeah.

520

And emotional intimacy, what it

is, is it's, it's vulnerability

521

without the fear of rejection.

522

And so, uh, I just think back to like the.

523

Uh, the Garden of Eden, where mm-hmm.

524

There's like the shame, like sin enters

the world and shame enters the world.

525

Um, and there's that like,

there's that fear of rejection.

526

There's that fear of like needing to

cover yourself and protect yourself.

527

Uh, so emotional intimacy,

it's like the opposite of that.

528

It's that, uh, true vulnerability with

your spouse without the fear of rejection.

529

, And it's just ultimately

being seen and know.

530

And just safe with your spouse.

531

Yeah.

532

And another thing that comes to mind

is like, it's about sharing truly like

533

your inner world, not just updates that

could easily be shared with anybody

534

or seen from anybody on the outside.

535

So.

536

Often when you ask someone

like, how are you doing?

537

You get a response of what they did

that day or like what they've been up to

538

versus like, we wanna respond, like how

are we actually emotionally, what have we

539

experienced interiorly that day or that

week or that month, whenever it's being

540

asked, because that is a window into.

541

Yeah, our interior world, which is

important to share that with our spouse.

542

Yep.

543

So an exercise that we learned to

be able to practice this well is a

544

sharing and a listening exercise.

545

And this works for.

546

Multiple scenarios for just having

good conversation and learning how

547

to share emotions and feelings, and

learning how to be a good listener.

548

Also, really works for moments of

conflict when you need to discuss

549

something and you really wanna make sure

that you're being understood and you're

550

seeking to understand your partner.

551

I would say not just conflict, like yes,

it is a very good tool for conflict.

552

It's also a really good tool.

553

Just for like important conversations.

554

Yeah.

555

Like, or when you're trying to

make a decision or work through an

556

important, um, problem or issue.

557

Yeah.

558

And I'll just say like trust the process.

559

Like at first you might be

like, really is that necessary?

560

But like we've done it

and it's really helpful.

561

So basically one person goes first, let's

say the wife goes first and she shares

562

for like five minutes and she shares

her thoughts on the matter or concerns

563

that she have, shares her emotions.

564

She gets to talk for five minutes.

565

Maybe she's sharing something joyful

and she just wants to express something

566

right, like she shares for five minutes

and the husband's role is to be a

567

listener and he's actively listening.

568

He's making eye contact.

569

Body language is so important for,

active listening and making sure that.

570

Like the two people feel like

actually connected and engaged.

571

So he's like making eye contact,

nodding, not distracted.

572

Right.

573

And then when she's done, he kind

of reflects back what she said to

574

him to validate what she has shared

as well as like clarify anything

575

in case he heard something wrong.

576

Right.

577

What you can do is like,

oh, that's amazing.

578

Right?

579

Like add some validation.

580

Thanks so much for sharing, it sounds

like, and then you kind of repeat back

581

a summary or what I heard you say, or

what I understood you to say is this, and

582

this is really helpful because one gives.

583

In this case, Mari or the wife, like the

validation that she's being understood.

584

And heard.

585

And heard.

586

And then two, it also gives the

chance for re clarification if

587

there was a miscommunication.

588

Yeah.

589

'cause so often, like the little

fights and arguments are all

590

just because of miscommunication.

591

Mm-hmm.

592

And so if I say what I understood you to

say is this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

593

And then there was something that I

understood her to say that was incorrect.

594

Then Mari can respond like, oh

yes, like that was all right.

595

But that one little part here, like,

that's not actually what I meant.

596

Here's another way for

me to say it, to clarify.

597

Mm-hmm.

598

What it's that I meant, and

basically when you're doing it in the

599

context of an a conflict or a hard

discussion or something like that.

600

You're technically supposed to keep going

until what the other person, the listening

601

person has reflected back is accurate.

602

Like if the person who spoke is like,

that's not actually what I said.

603

She gets a chance to like reiterate

what she said and then he reflects

604

back, okay, so is it this right?

605

And then once.

606

It's actually accurate,

then you're able to move on.

607

And that way both parties feel

like, I actually understand

608

and I am being understood.

609

Yeah.

610

Um, obstacles though, to doing this, to

connecting on an emotional level deeply.

611

It's gonna be wounds and bitterness,

and this is just part of life.

612

We all have wounds.

613

We all have ways that we have

been hurt in the past or even

614

hurt each other and our spouses.

615

And I think that's something that you, you

learn really quick as a married couple.

616

Like you think that you're never gonna

hurt each other because of course,

617

like your intention is not to hurt

each other, but because we're broken

618

and we're human like we do, mm-hmm.

619

We hurt each other, we ruin each other.

620

Things that we say or do have

a lasting impact on our spouse.

621

And these can be obstacles to

connecting on emotional unity because

622

it breaks trust in a sense, right?

623

It breaks trust and safety that you can

actually be so vulnerable and open up

624

in an emotional sense to your partner.

625

So.

626

Ways to kind of repair this that we

learned is expressing and listening,

627

which it's kind of like an interesting

cycle 'cause it's like you don't

628

wanna express and listen because

you've been hurt and you're bitter.

629

And often those things have been unspoken.

630

But then the anecdote to that is you

actually have to express and listen.

631

So my advice I think would be to like

start small and work your way up.

632

Don't start by sharing like.

633

The, the biggest thing that you've held

onto for like a, a long time and haven't

634

been able to share or your biggest

argument, but start off with like.

635

Sharing something joyful or like happy or

something that you've enjoyed recently?

636

Start by sharing something like

positive or maybe emotionally neutral.

637

Yeah.

638

And practicing that back and forth.

639

And then moving on to harder topics

over time or over the conversation.

640

And the more that you do that, the

more you build up emotional unity and

641

intimacy, because the more trust is being

built, the more safety is being built.

642

Mm-hmm.

643

When you're sharing your

feelings and emotion.

644

You're being listened to, received,

not judged, validated, and then

645

reflect back what you heard.

646

You're gonna slowly build up that trust.

647

Yeah.

648

Yeah.

649

And so that just puts a lot of emphasis

like the two, antidotes to the obstacles

650

for this is listening and expressing.

651

And so that puts a lot of

importance on the listener, like

652

the person receiving and what

their like body language is during.

653

The time that the person's expressing

and the way that they can show that

654

they understood the other person.

655

And just like the act of listening and

then like the gentleness that follows.

656

Mm.

657

Receiving the person who's sharing

like that, I think most of the emphasis

658

needs to be put on the listener.

659

Mm-hmm.

660

Um, yes.

661

You have to.

662

Go out in faith and like be brave

sometimes and share hard things.

663

Mm-hmm.

664

Uh, and be the person that's like

expressing and sharing things that

665

might be a little bit scary to share,

but I think the brunt of the weight

666

needs to be put on the receiver and.

667

Like the way you can cultivate emotional

intimacy is by receiving well, and that

668

means listening well, and that means

being gentle and receiving the other

669

Well, yeah, and I think that that's

something that I've had to work on too,

670

is like receiving versus reacting because

it's so easy, especially if you're

671

someone with a stronger personality

or you're very decisive or you don't

672

struggle with what to say, right?

673

You don't, you never have a

lack of words, like mm-hmm.

674

You immediately have a

reaction to something and.

675

You're so right that to build that trust

and emotional unity like you need to be

676

received when you do share those things.

677

And so really shifting our mindset from

like receiving our spouse, reflecting

678

back to them so that they're understood

and then sharing a reaction that is so

679

helpful to build up that relationship.

680

Last thing I would say is that going

back to the wounds and bitterness.

681

Another anecdote to that is

just gonna be forgiveness.

682

Constant forgiveness.

683

Yes.

684

Mm-hmm.

685

Forgiveness is really hard, and asking

for forgiveness is hard and apologizing.

686

It's really hard.

687

And so the more we can do that, like on a

daily basis, not even just waiting for the

688

really big thing, but on a daily basis, I

feel like we try and practice that a lot.

689

You know, we don't let little

things build up or just kind

690

of shove 'em under the rug.

691

Like if one of us is like.

692

Of not talking to each other in the nicest

tone, like you'll be able to tell, right?

693

And the other person will kind of

say something about it and the hope

694

is that we would be able to grow and

increase our ability to like ask for

695

forgiveness and apologize and forgive

frequently for little things throughout

696

our day so that then when the big

things come around, we already have

697

that foundation, that trust buildup

of like, we apologize and we forgive.

698

Yep.

699

That's huge.

700

All right, next.

701

All right.

702

Number three, okay.

703

Next is companionship and I, I love

this one because it reminds me of.

704

In the Garden of Eden, when

the Lord said it is not good

705

for the man to be alone, right?

706

Like he created a helper, a companion,

a partner for Adam to do life with.

707

And so this is a super

important part of marriage.

708

Um, and one of God's purposes in

creating marriage is companionship.

709

He wanted us to have partnerships, someone

to share life with, companionship is

710

spending time together in our work and

especially in recreation, to strengthen

711

the bonds of unity in marriage.

712

So this is like having common goals

that you are working towards together,

713

I feel like, and it can be both.

714

Like it was saying work or

recreation because it mm-hmm.

715

It provides opportunities for you to

do things together, like recreational

716

things together, um, where you are.

717

Yeah.

718

Sharing a common goal.

719

I think so often in marriage we

have a unique situation 'cause

720

we work together and we live

together and we have the same job.

721

Right?

722

Yeah.

723

But most.

724

Marriages, we know most friends that

we know, um, husband goes off to work.

725

Maybe the wife also works or she's

at home, and then they have separate

726

interests or separate activities.

727

Mm-hmm.

728

And that's not bad at all.

729

I mean, that's great.

730

Right.

731

But there are a lot of opportunities

to do things separately or to engage

732

in different interests separately.

733

Mm-hmm.

734

Strengthening your companionship

of marriage is going to be doing

735

things together to strengthen

friendship as the core of your

736

marriage so that you're enjoying.

737

Life together.

738

You're not just coexisting

together under the same roof.

739

So that's having moments of shared

joy, of play, of laughter, of

740

working towards something together.

741

And I feel like friendship is something

that we focus so much in our dating years,

742

and maybe even engagement, but then can

be a little bit more lost in marriage.

743

Yeah.

744

But really strengthening that friendship

aspect of marriage is going to make your

745

marriage so much stronger and going to

bring so much joy to your relationship.

746

Yeah.

747

And so.

748

What I would say is I feel like

there's that fear that we probably

749

have all seen, uh, or know couples

that are like this or we're afraid

750

of becoming this in our later years.

751

But like that saying like, we're

just ships passing in the night.

752

Mm-hmm.

753

And I that like your work, like Yeah.

754

Most couples don't work together.

755

But the work you could classify work

as the, like, running the household

756

operation, like getting the kids to

school, getting them fed, getting

757

the groceries done, getting uh,

them to all their extracurricular

758

activities, uh, like planning the, you

know, double dates with your friends

759

or like, whatever the outings are.

760

Like, there's a lot of like life that is

happening that's just like maintenance.

761

Um.

762

That is just kinda like the

requirement to just keep up on life.

763

And that can also like be

classified just as like work.

764

And you can, you can do all that

together, which is good, but it's like

765

if that's all you're doing together

and not doing the recreational stuff,

766

then it's like you're only doing the

work together and you're not doing the

767

recreational, so then you're not having

true companionship is what I would say.

768

And so then like that's how

you become, you know, to.

769

People living two separate lives,

just living under the same roof.

770

And like, that's not what anybody wants.

771

That's, you don't get, you don't go

into marriage with the desire to be

772

like, I wanna live my own life just

under the same roof as somebody else.

773

Right.

774

No.

775

Right.

776

So, yeah.

777

So I think the, the, the thing

that really strengthens this is

778

that recreational companionship.

779

Yeah.

780

And so what we're taught and

from this retreat is that the

781

obstacles to companionship

are isolation and selfishness.

782

And so I think that what that is

is it, is what I was just saying

783

about like living separate lives.

784

Mm-hmm.

785

Like you just wanna do

what you want to do.

786

And it's more, it's maybe it's

easier just to do it by yourself

787

than to invite your spouse into it.

788

Mm-hmm.

789

And so, or you are feeling

maybe a little bit emotionally

790

disconnected from your spouse.

791

And so just you choose to isolate.

792

You just choose to isolate.

793

And so the, like, the choice of.

794

Isolation or the selfishness of like,

yeah, I know, like Mari's inviting

795

me to, uh, join her to watch a show

with you, to watch a show with her,

796

but I don't like that show, so I'm

just gonna go watch my show upstairs.

797

Mm-hmm.

798

Like that, like choosing that

selfish or that isolating activity

799

instead of, uh, that companionship.

800

Mm, yeah.

801

Choosing moments to do things together.

802

Yep.

803

So that, those are the obstacles.

804

Do you want to share what the.

805

Solution is.

806

Yeah, so a solution I think would

be to find moments of recreational

807

connection together or activities

that you can do together in a way

808

to kind of explore what those are.

809

Have, you know, one, one spouse go

first and share different moments

810

that they have really enjoyed

doing something together with you.

811

And then the other spouse will share that.

812

Right?

813

And you kind of practice that

same like listening, reflecting,

814

kind of that whole thing to have

a good conversation about it.

815

But you both kind of reflect on, these

are moments when I really enjoy doing

816

this activity with you or doing this.

817

You know, working on this together

with you other spouse shares.

818

And then you see if there's any

commonalities or common ground,

819

maybe common memories that

you had that you both enjoyed.

820

Um, and then you can also just discuss

like, okay, moving forward, what is

821

something that we can work on together?

822

Or what are moments of recreational

activities that we could do together?

823

One way that I've specifically tried

to lean into this, into marriage is by.

824

Learning to play golf with you?

825

Yes.

826

Like once I realized how important

golf was to you in your life when

827

you, and how much time that you could

be spending with me that you weren't

828

spending with me because I was golfing.

829

Yes.

830

I was like, I need to learn to love

golf if I want to spend more time with

831

my husband, which is hilarious 'cause

we already spend so much time together.

832

But.

833

No, honestly, it was because I wanted

to do something recreational together.

834

Mm-hmm.

835

And I know like sports is something

that you love, but it's not something

836

that I really love and like this was a

sport that I felt like I could possibly

837

get into and I could be open to.

838

Yeah.

839

You wear a cute outfit,

you drive a golf cart.

840

And you, you, you were,

the outfit was the gateway.

841

And you, I'll say that.

842

You get to like, just go out and

hang out with your spouse in nature

843

without like being around other people.

844

It is, it's so fun.

845

It's so beautiful.

846

And so I was like, I am

gonna learn to love golf.

847

And slowly I did that.

848

Over time.

849

I started out with just like riding

the cart when he went to go play

850

golf, I'd be like, can I ride along?

851

He'd be like, oh my

gosh, that'd be so fun.

852

I'd bring some drinks or something.

853

We would just like.

854

Chat and he would play golf and then I'd

like take a couple shots here and there.

855

And he like kind of taught

me how to swing the club.

856

And then eventually I was like,

okay, like let me like play a couple

857

holes or a couple of shots in a hole.

858

And then slowly over time that would

build up and build upon itself.

859

And now I'm playing like

nine holes, you know?

860

And it's like super fun that we get to.

861

Do this together.

862

It's a recreational activity

that gets us outta the house.

863

It gets us moving, it gets

us like disconnected just

864

from like our daily grind.

865

Yep.

866

Gets us out in nature and we

can connect on something like

867

an activity that we both enjoy.

868

Yeah.

869

That builds up our friendship.

870

Yep.

871

So that, that's a great

example that Mari did.

872

You could also just do like the little

things that happen in everyday life.

873

You can just do 'em together.

874

So whether it's cooking or.

875

Cleaning or, you know,

drinking your coffee together.

876

Mm-hmm.

877

Uh, but like, just doing those things

like that are a part of just daily

878

life, but doing them together Yeah.

879

Can make a big difference as opposed

to just like, Hey, you cook, I'm

880

gonna go upstairs and be by myself.

881

You know what I mean?

882

Yeah.

883

And I think companionship really

just keeps marriage young.

884

Like I hope that we like can keep

this like young kind of dating energy

885

alive for like as long as possible.

886

Yeah.

887

Or like throughout our

whole marriage, of course.

888

And I want our kids and people from

the outside to look and be like.

889

They're just a bunch of GI kids, like

they're just a bunch of goofballs.

890

You know, like why are they always

like smiling and laughing and like

891

doing all these fun things together?

892

Yeah.

893

Like I want that like friendship and

youthfulness to kind of stay alive.

894

And I think these activities and

really leaning into companionship

895

is a way to accomplish that.

896

Yep.

897

All right, number four is teamwork.

898

Okay.

899

Trey, what do we got?

900

Teamwork The definition we have here is

submit to one another out of Reverence

901

for Christ Practice mutual submission.

902

Teamwork is really about

entering into this shared.

903

Mission of marriage together and

recognizing that there are two people

904

in this relationship and that your

job is to get each other to heaven

905

and your job is to be able to work

together to have a good marriage to, you

906

know, possibly raise children and to.

907

Get them and your spouse to heaven.

908

And so much of marriage is

working together, not just in like

909

things that we just talked about.

910

Were like a shared goal, but it's

really about like building your life

911

together and doing life together,

and there's obstacles that come along

912

and you have to face them together.

913

There's discussion or disagreements

and you have to work on that together.

914

There's need for compromise and

there's two sides that need to be

915

willing to compromise and understand

and let go of things and take things

916

on to be able to have a successful

and strong marriage moving forward.

917

I think to understand teamwork and

like how teamwork is a level of, or

918

an area of communion within marriage.

919

Mm-hmm.

920

It's.

921

It's helpful to see

what the obstacles are.

922

Yeah, so the obstacles, the teamwork

are stubbornness and control, and so.

923

Obviously if you're experiencing

stubbornness and controlling on

924

either end of the marriage, that's

going to create like separation

925

and it's gonna create disunity.

926

And so the solution here

is mutual submission.

927

when there is mutual submission

to each other, that shows.

928

A level of respect.

929

Mm-hmm.

930

And it creates a environment for freedom.

931

Um, and whereas when there are

stubbornness and control, then

932

that creates, a lack of freedom

and love, like love cannot flourish

933

when there is a lack of freedom.

934

Love can only flourish within

an environment of freedom.

935

And when there's control and

stubbornness going on, then that

936

will prevent love from happening.

937

And so that's like, I think like

seeing the, the obstacles and.

938

The solution to those obstacles

helps understand like how teamwork

939

is an area of communion and how

important that is in the marriage.

940

Yeah.

941

And like leading and yielding to

each other are both forms of love.

942

Yeah.

943

And both forms of teamwork.

944

And truly, it's such a selfless

mindset when you really lean into

945

teamwork because you're choosing.

946

To understand the other person.

947

You're choosing humility,

you're choosing, yeah.

948

To let go of control and to not

be stubborn and to not just do

949

things your way over, like winning

and making your way the best way

950

that needs to be moving forward.

951

Yeah, and I think this word mutual

submission can kind of, maybe.

952

Feel weird in people's

mouths or in their brains.

953

Um, and the, what that means in

like this biblical context, in

954

this Christian context mm-hmm.

955

Is submission is self-gift and

it's like radical self-gift.

956

And so it's not this like power

imbalance and like one person has

957

more power than the other person.

958

Yeah.

959

But it's this mutual self-giving of each

other, like for the good of the other.

960

And that's love.

961

Yeah.

962

So that's so good.

963

So.

964

Ways to overcome this obstacle

or to bridge that gap of

965

teamwork in your marriage.

966

Is to enter into a discussion over

something that has been maybe a

967

disagreement or something that you

haven't been able to come to an

968

agreement on for a decision that

you need to make in your marriage.

969

So I would recommend like building

upon the other types of unity

970

before you kind of go into this.

971

Because I feel like that's

important to lay a foundation.

972

Definitely.

973

Um, but I remember when we did this in

the marriage retreat, we were talking

974

about you quitting your job and going

full-time with West Coast Catholic.

975

That's right.

976

And at the time I had fears about

us being like financially prepared

977

for that or the timing being right.

978

Mm-hmm.

979

And you wanted to take that leap

to jump into work for West Coast

980

Catholic and close the chapter of

your full-time like corporate job.

981

Job.

982

Yep.

983

And so it's, it's similar to the exercises

we've done before where one person

984

shares their thoughts, their concerns,

and the other person listens and repeats

985

back and you continue to refine and

then the other person goes, then , he

986

shares his thoughts, his concerns.

987

You repeat back, you

absorb that, and then.

988

The goal in this conversation is to

get closer to making a decision and

989

to learning where can each of us like

mutually submit to each other to be

990

able to move forward with a decision.

991

And it's about compromise Yeah.

992

There's like the key,

is a mutual submission.

993

Um, because there's, it's like you

said, you said, you said it perfectly.

994

Like it's not about trying to

overpower the other one and convince

995

them that your way is better.

996

It's about, it's the submission,

like what I said is it's self-gift.

997

It's sacrificing what you desire

because you realize, because you love

998

the other person and you see what they

desire and you want them to have that.

999

And so there's like, if you both are doing

that, then you can find places for that.

00:45:41,564 --> 00:45:43,454

Like really beautiful compromise.

00:45:43,454 --> 00:45:45,764

Or even, it could not even be compromised.

00:45:45,764 --> 00:45:51,074

It could just be like a true act

of submission, not because the one

00:45:51,074 --> 00:45:54,974

person won the argument and they like

outwitted the other person and proved

00:45:54,974 --> 00:45:56,024

to them that their way was better.

00:45:56,024 --> 00:45:59,654

But because the other person, like in

their freedom, chose, Hey, I actually,

00:45:59,654 --> 00:46:04,034

after hearing you out and hearing

all your desire, like and willing

00:46:04,034 --> 00:46:07,124

to sacrifice what I want because

I want you to have what you want.

00:46:07,129 --> 00:46:07,309

Yeah.

00:46:07,409 --> 00:46:08,024

So, yeah.

00:46:08,024 --> 00:46:08,534

That's so true.

00:46:08,534 --> 00:46:08,924

There's both.

00:46:09,014 --> 00:46:09,584

That's so true.

00:46:09,704 --> 00:46:09,914

Yeah.

00:46:10,469 --> 00:46:14,519

And one final thought with this, uh,

activity, or I guess two short ones.

00:46:14,519 --> 00:46:18,179

One, start with something small that's

like not a really big, big deal.

00:46:18,179 --> 00:46:18,389

Yeah.

00:46:18,899 --> 00:46:19,619

And practice it.

00:46:19,799 --> 00:46:23,459

But then two, invite like

lean on the spiritual unity as

00:46:23,459 --> 00:46:25,559

well and invite God into it.

00:46:25,559 --> 00:46:29,969

And so like in prayer, you like

the husband should submit his will

00:46:29,999 --> 00:46:33,599

to God, to God's will the wife

should in prayer, like together,

00:46:33,809 --> 00:46:35,519

submit her will to the will of God.

00:46:35,519 --> 00:46:40,019

And ultimately, like what you're trying

to do together is do the will of God.

00:46:40,024 --> 00:46:40,204

Mm-hmm.

00:46:40,559 --> 00:46:41,604

In your marriage and in your lives.

00:46:41,604 --> 00:46:41,964

Mm-hmm.

00:46:42,089 --> 00:46:47,429

And so there's submission happening to

each other out of love, but there's also

00:46:47,549 --> 00:46:50,549

the submission to God and to his will.

00:46:51,059 --> 00:46:51,449

Mm-hmm.

00:46:51,866 --> 00:46:52,226

Okay.

00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:56,216

The last marital communion aspect

we're gonna touch on is sexual

00:46:56,216 --> 00:47:00,356

intimacy, and I love this definition

that they have here in the workbook.

00:47:00,926 --> 00:47:07,436

Love is a free, total, faithful

and fruitful gift of yourself.

00:47:07,466 --> 00:47:13,196

And sexual intimacy in order to be

loving, needs to express all of these

00:47:13,196 --> 00:47:19,919

areas Sexual intimacy is truly just

this bodily physical expression of total

00:47:19,919 --> 00:47:24,719

gift of self and on a spiritual level

because there's, there's physical and

00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:26,579

there's spiritual and emotional level.

00:47:26,819 --> 00:47:32,909

In sexual intimacy, it's a renewal of

your wedding vows through the language of.

00:47:33,524 --> 00:47:34,454

Your body.

00:47:34,784 --> 00:47:39,554

And so that's one of the reasons

why sex is so sacred and should be

00:47:39,554 --> 00:47:44,024

reserved within the context of marriage

because it is making these wedding

00:47:44,024 --> 00:47:47,144

vows to that person physically.

00:47:47,324 --> 00:47:51,944

So like what you say on the altar at

your wedding is being renewed and made

00:47:51,944 --> 00:47:55,664

promises to each other every time you

come together in the marital act as well.

00:47:55,964 --> 00:47:56,804

And so really that.

00:47:56,804 --> 00:48:01,604

Sexual unity is going to integrate

so many different aspects, physical

00:48:01,604 --> 00:48:05,984

communion, spiritual emotional,

communion, um, and I feel like is

00:48:05,984 --> 00:48:08,354

also like the glue in your marriage.

00:48:08,359 --> 00:48:08,649

Yeah.

00:48:09,434 --> 00:48:09,614

Okay.

00:48:09,614 --> 00:48:11,264

So if we look at the.

00:48:11,557 --> 00:48:12,487

Definition of love.

00:48:12,487 --> 00:48:16,297

Love is a free, total, faithful

and fruitful gifts of yourself.

00:48:16,987 --> 00:48:18,337

So free, obviously.

00:48:18,667 --> 00:48:21,637

Uh, for sexual intimacy to

occur, there has to be freedom.

00:48:21,997 --> 00:48:23,317

I think that's obvious total.

00:48:24,397 --> 00:48:26,407

Is giving the total gift of yourself.

00:48:26,407 --> 00:48:30,067

And so that's like Mario, what Mario

was saying, uh, this renewal of

00:48:30,067 --> 00:48:36,037

your wedding bs, um, and giving your

entire self and not withholding back.

00:48:36,067 --> 00:48:36,157

Mm-hmm.

00:48:36,487 --> 00:48:40,627

And then faithful, uh, this means

like, don't be adulterous, don't be

00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:44,317

like sleeping around with a bunch

of people, but be faithful to just

00:48:44,317 --> 00:48:47,467

your spouse and then fruitful that.

00:48:47,947 --> 00:48:52,027

Uh, like true love in its

purest form brings forth life.

00:48:52,237 --> 00:48:56,587

And so in the physical way, when you're

like connecting and expressing love

00:48:56,587 --> 00:49:02,137

physically through the marital act, that

is being open to what comes from that

00:49:02,137 --> 00:49:04,387

and that love and that bearing life.

00:49:04,387 --> 00:49:08,077

And so being, uh, sexual love, being

fruitful is being open to life.

00:49:08,527 --> 00:49:08,767

Yeah.

00:49:08,767 --> 00:49:11,917

And I, and I've also heard it

being talked about, about how,

00:49:11,917 --> 00:49:14,467

like life in more ways than one.

00:49:14,467 --> 00:49:15,727

Like, for.

00:49:15,727 --> 00:49:18,007

The marital act to be fruitful.

00:49:18,501 --> 00:49:22,641

It also is like bringing life into

your marriage and your relationship,

00:49:23,031 --> 00:49:27,231

and it helps to do that as

well as obviously biologically.

00:49:27,291 --> 00:49:27,561

Yep.

00:49:27,621 --> 00:49:33,141

What happens is hopefully a child

comes from that, so obstacles to sexual

00:49:33,141 --> 00:49:36,171

intimacy, lust, and insensitivity.

00:49:36,516 --> 00:49:40,836

So obviously, uh, lust is, if

you're looking at the like,

00:49:40,836 --> 00:49:45,546

virtues and vices, like the virtue

is love and the vice is lust.

00:49:45,546 --> 00:49:46,566

It's on the other side.

00:49:46,836 --> 00:49:51,496

And so lust, what that incorporates

is , it's, instead of it being

00:49:51,496 --> 00:49:54,136

self-gift, it's like selfish.

00:49:54,466 --> 00:49:58,506

It's basically like a distorted view

of love because it's selfish and , it's

00:49:58,506 --> 00:50:03,546

self-focused as opposed to self-giving,

and it's using instead of giving.

00:50:03,551 --> 00:50:03,631

Yeah.

00:50:04,181 --> 00:50:05,621

And then insensitivity.

00:50:05,981 --> 00:50:10,991

I would say that like insensitivity

harms the level of like vulnerability

00:50:10,991 --> 00:50:15,911

you're able to have within sex because

it is such a vulnerable opportunity

00:50:15,911 --> 00:50:19,871

in your marriage and you need to

be like sensitive to the need.

00:50:20,456 --> 00:50:21,686

Of your spouse.

00:50:21,746 --> 00:50:21,866

Yeah.

00:50:22,316 --> 00:50:27,476

And if you are insensitive or apathetic

or judgmental, that's going to

00:50:27,476 --> 00:50:31,766

close the other person off and not

make them feel like they can give

00:50:31,766 --> 00:50:33,236

that total gift of self or true.

00:50:33,236 --> 00:50:35,606

Free to to love completely.

00:50:35,606 --> 00:50:38,486

Because there's fear of judgment or Yeah.

00:50:38,636 --> 00:50:40,256

Harshness, right?

00:50:40,256 --> 00:50:44,756

Like there needs to be a tenderness

to the needs of the other person.

00:50:44,816 --> 00:50:44,966

Mm-hmm.

00:50:45,206 --> 00:50:45,296

Yeah.

00:50:45,296 --> 00:50:48,026

So insensitivity like prevents.

00:50:48,671 --> 00:50:50,711

That free and total.

00:50:51,341 --> 00:50:52,481

Uh, aspects of love.

00:50:52,631 --> 00:50:52,721

Mm-hmm.

00:50:53,261 --> 00:50:57,341

And then the solutions, uh,

is affection and love making.

00:50:57,341 --> 00:50:59,681

So obviously love making,

uh, we all know that.

00:50:59,681 --> 00:51:02,081

But affection, I think this is really

important because super important.

00:51:02,411 --> 00:51:04,991

Um, do you wanna use

your crockpot analogy?

00:51:05,921 --> 00:51:07,241

I think that was their analogy.

00:51:07,246 --> 00:51:07,696

Was that their analogy?

00:51:07,696 --> 00:51:08,651

That was their analogy.

00:51:08,651 --> 00:51:09,431

That wasn't me.

00:51:09,821 --> 00:51:13,181

They shared that at the retreat,

but they talked about how like men

00:51:13,181 --> 00:51:16,901

are like instant pots, like they're

ready in an instant at any instant.

00:51:17,261 --> 00:51:19,811

And women are like crock pots, like.

00:51:20,681 --> 00:51:24,821

Hours for us to like simmer

and like to be ready, right?

00:51:24,821 --> 00:51:24,911

Yep.

00:51:25,181 --> 00:51:29,501

And so one thing I've heard that

I think is brilliant is that like

00:51:29,501 --> 00:51:32,921

sex starts outside of the bedroom,

like way before nighttime, right?

00:51:32,921 --> 00:51:37,181

Like you set your spouse up for

success and this especially goes

00:51:37,421 --> 00:51:39,761

for like men towards their wives.

00:51:39,821 --> 00:51:39,881

Yeah.

00:51:40,211 --> 00:51:42,131

Um, kind of like, yeah.

00:51:42,131 --> 00:51:45,101

Being affectionate and loving her

outside the bedroom throughout

00:51:45,101 --> 00:51:46,751

the day is going to make for.

00:51:47,381 --> 00:51:48,941

A great bedroom experience.

00:51:48,971 --> 00:51:49,301

Yeah.

00:51:49,631 --> 00:51:53,471

And so it's, it's being

affectionate throughout the day.

00:51:53,471 --> 00:51:56,591

Like when she's in the kitchen

doing dishes, like going up

00:51:56,591 --> 00:51:57,311

behind her and hugging her.

00:51:57,311 --> 00:52:00,731

Or if, like, if you're gone from the

day and you get home, like dropping

00:52:00,731 --> 00:52:03,071

everything and going, going and

like embracing her wife, giving

00:52:03,071 --> 00:52:04,301

her a kiss and like saying hello.

00:52:04,391 --> 00:52:04,481

Mm-hmm.

00:52:04,781 --> 00:52:08,291

Um, or it's just like holding

her hand or like putting your

00:52:08,291 --> 00:52:09,941

hand on the my back on her.

00:52:10,616 --> 00:52:12,456

Shoulders are on her back, um mm-hmm.

00:52:12,521 --> 00:52:14,366

As you just like walk by her, like Yeah.

00:52:14,366 --> 00:52:16,061

Or if you're like walking

down the street mm-hmm.

00:52:16,141 --> 00:52:18,701

Like you can just like,

kind of guide her mm-hmm.

00:52:18,781 --> 00:52:20,636

In the direction you're going

with the hand on the back.

00:52:20,636 --> 00:52:24,956

So just like those little ways

of, uh, showing that affection.

00:52:24,986 --> 00:52:25,076

Mm-hmm.

00:52:25,406 --> 00:52:27,056

Um, mostly in like a physical touch way.

00:52:27,236 --> 00:52:27,626

Yeah.

00:52:27,836 --> 00:52:32,366

But I think also like emotional intimacy

plays a part here in the sexual unity,

00:52:32,366 --> 00:52:36,236

because connecting on an emotional level

throughout the day is also going to

00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:38,726

just strengthen that sexual intimacy.

00:52:38,966 --> 00:52:44,426

Because if you are providing moments

where your spouse can share about

00:52:44,426 --> 00:52:47,846

what's going on in their inner world,

that connection is being formed,

00:52:48,086 --> 00:52:52,826

which builds trust and safety so that

then there's more freedom and trust.

00:52:53,396 --> 00:52:55,046

And total gift in sex.

00:52:55,051 --> 00:52:55,121

Yeah.

00:52:55,436 --> 00:52:55,766

Yeah.

00:52:55,916 --> 00:52:57,356

So it all relates.

00:52:57,356 --> 00:52:58,281

It all relates.

00:52:58,281 --> 00:52:59,521

All piece, A big puzzle piece.

00:52:59,521 --> 00:53:02,606

All these, all of these areas of

communion are very, very important.

00:53:02,606 --> 00:53:05,816

So to summarize the five, again,

it's spiritual unity, emotional

00:53:05,816 --> 00:53:09,416

intimacy, companionship,

teamwork, and sexual intimacy.

00:53:09,836 --> 00:53:10,676

They're all very important.

00:53:10,946 --> 00:53:11,276

Yeah.

00:53:11,516 --> 00:53:12,866

And each of them like.

00:53:13,091 --> 00:53:16,241

Feeds on the other and

builds upon the other.

00:53:16,241 --> 00:53:19,961

And when one improves the

rest improve and deepen.

00:53:20,241 --> 00:53:24,081

So some advice would be to just kind of

take all this content right back with

00:53:24,081 --> 00:53:28,671

your spouse and kind of reflect like maybe

one area, like what is one area that we

00:53:28,671 --> 00:53:32,301

feel like we're kind of lacking in and

kind of what can we do in the future?

00:53:32,301 --> 00:53:36,531

What plan can we kind of put into place

to work on our marriage to strengthen

00:53:36,531 --> 00:53:38,241

that area of our relationship?

00:53:38,241 --> 00:53:41,271

And then once one area is strengthened,

like the rest will deepen and then

00:53:41,271 --> 00:53:43,011

you can kind of work on one at a time.

00:53:43,191 --> 00:53:43,521

Yep.

00:53:43,571 --> 00:53:44,681

Yeah, I totally agree.

00:53:44,771 --> 00:53:50,531

Uh, I think the other thing too, is

like , marital life is, it's a daily

00:53:51,251 --> 00:53:53,261

activity, like, and it's ordinary.

00:53:53,261 --> 00:53:56,891

And so like one big grand gesture

is not gonna fix all your problems.

00:53:57,596 --> 00:54:01,046

Uh, but it's doing the little things.

00:54:01,076 --> 00:54:04,826

And building on those small habits

and doing it consistently and daily

00:54:04,826 --> 00:54:06,086

is gonna have a much bigger impact.

00:54:06,446 --> 00:54:08,666

Um, so I would just

encourage you all on that.

00:54:08,976 --> 00:54:10,176

But that's all we got for today.

00:54:10,226 --> 00:54:10,766

Um.

00:54:11,396 --> 00:54:13,076

Yeah, I really hope this was helpful.

00:54:13,376 --> 00:54:16,616

Shoot me a DM if you wanna

dive into any one of them more

00:54:16,616 --> 00:54:19,676

deeply, but really praying for

all you guys in your marriages.

00:54:19,826 --> 00:54:24,326

Thanks so much for just trusting us to

walk with you and, and guide you in it.

00:54:24,326 --> 00:54:27,086

And just a reminder, again,

like we're right there with you.

00:54:27,086 --> 00:54:28,466

We're learning alongside you.

00:54:28,526 --> 00:54:31,226

Um, we're just really passionate about

this, so we like, have resources to

00:54:31,226 --> 00:54:36,806

share, but, um, but we are not marriage

therapists or officials by any means.

00:54:36,806 --> 00:54:36,896

Nope.

00:54:36,956 --> 00:54:38,906

So if you're really struggling, like.

00:54:39,716 --> 00:54:41,786

Take, take that to a professional.

00:54:42,836 --> 00:54:47,726

Don't, don't just go off of

our advice, uh, after party.

00:54:47,906 --> 00:54:48,416

Yeah.

00:54:48,476 --> 00:54:51,446

Let's move on to the after party,

but well, before we go to the after

00:54:51,446 --> 00:54:53,186

party, we're gonna do ever be answers.

00:54:53,456 --> 00:54:58,556

So this is the part where we answer one

question on the show, and then the rest

00:54:58,556 --> 00:55:00,506

will be answered by us at the after party.

00:55:00,531 --> 00:55:00,821

Okay?

00:55:00,836 --> 00:55:03,926

But you've never done, ever be answered,

so you'll be, no, you'll be here too.

00:55:05,096 --> 00:55:06,296

Um, let's see.