Lacey:
00:00:05
welcome to sharing the middle ware that we share the messy metals of life.
2
:
00:00:09
I'm Lacey, your friend
in the middle in guide.
3
:
00:00:11
My claim to fame.
4
:
00:00:12
This week is making it to the
second trimester of my pregnancy.
5
:
00:00:16
It's a lot, but we're making it.
6
:
00:00:19
In today's episode, I'm
chatting with Shannon Klein.
7
:
00:00:21
And we get deep into health,
chronic illness, motherhood, and.
8
:
00:00:26
Ah, I love it.
9
:
00:00:27
You know, I love talking to
someone else with chronic illness.
10
:
00:00:30
I really think that you'll enjoy this
talk between me and Shannon and I am
11
:
00:00:34
going to continue to do my best to get.
12
:
00:00:36
Episodes out.
13
:
00:00:37
I've got some really awesome interviews.
14
:
00:00:40
hope to talk to us.
15
:
00:00:41
Um, other folks in my world too, but.
16
:
00:00:44
Pregnant.
17
:
00:00:45
Tired.
18
:
00:00:45
Lacey's just doing her best.
19
:
00:00:47
With that, let's jump
into my chat with Shannon.
20
:
00:00:56
Lacey (2): welcome to
Sharing the Middle, Shannon.
21
:
00:00:58
Thank you so much for being here.
22
:
00:01:00
Shannon: Thank you for having me.
23
:
00:01:02
Lacey: Of course.
24
:
00:01:03
So I usually like to start for
people to actually introduce
25
:
00:01:05
themselves because it's a lot better
than me reading off of a script.
26
:
00:01:10
Shannon: I am a lover of life.
27
:
00:01:12
My name is Shannon Klein, but
most people call me Shannon K.
28
:
00:01:15
I'm a coach, so I help coach women
and that's what they call me.
29
:
00:01:18
They're like, Hey, Shannon K.
30
:
00:01:20
So that's what I go by.
31
:
00:01:21
Nobody ever says my actual last name.
32
:
00:01:23
I really focus on podcasting and
just encouraging, inspiring women.
33
:
00:01:26
So that's like my day to day work, right?
34
:
00:01:28
We're defined by roles in our
society when we tell about ourselves.
35
:
00:01:32
that's like my first passion.
36
:
00:01:33
I have Children.
37
:
00:01:35
So I'm a wife, mom, lots of kids.
38
:
00:01:37
I have grandkids.
39
:
00:01:38
I work with education, adult
education with a nonprofit.
40
:
00:01:41
So just really living my dream life.
41
:
00:01:43
And I know it sounds like I do
a lot, but I do very little.
42
:
00:01:46
And that's by design.
43
:
00:01:48
through my messy middle, I
designed my life to do little
44
:
00:01:51
so that I can enjoy life.
45
:
00:01:53
So when people say, who are you?
46
:
00:01:54
I'm a person that just enjoys life.
47
:
00:01:56
That's who I am.
48
:
00:01:57
That's my whole goal focus of who I am.
49
:
00:01:59
Lacey: I think that is awesome.
50
:
00:02:02
And I also appreciate that you started
off I'm going to do the typical
51
:
00:02:06
introduction, but then get into
this is what's actually important.
52
:
00:02:09
to me because I agree.
53
:
00:02:11
Like when somebody asks
me, tell me about you.
54
:
00:02:13
I'm like, what?
55
:
00:02:14
I don't, I don't know what to start with.
56
:
00:02:15
For so long it was like, well, this
is my job and that kind of stuff.
57
:
00:02:18
And now my job is so many different
things and all that stuff.
58
:
00:02:21
So I understand.
59
:
00:02:22
So when you first thought the messy middle
or that kind of thing, I find people tend
60
:
00:02:27
to have a really visceral reaction to it.
61
:
00:02:29
So what was your initial reaction?
62
:
00:02:32
Shannon: I thought it was very like the
messy middle to me is a beautiful thing.
63
:
00:02:36
Cause my messy middle was a very
traumatic, but It was also the best
64
:
00:02:42
thing that ever happened to me.
65
:
00:02:44
So I feel like it's this paradox place
where we can end up, that takes us until,
66
:
00:02:51
just different things in life, right?
67
:
00:02:52
When I heard that, it's a
beautiful thing to explore.
68
:
00:02:56
I think these days and age, we don't
want to explore the messy middle, right?
69
:
00:02:59
We want to do the highlight reels,
but life is not all highlight reels.
70
:
00:03:02
Life is truly life.
71
:
00:03:04
My messy middle to me was the best
thing that ever happened to me.
72
:
00:03:07
It was messy and it was a middle,
73
:
00:03:10
but then I came out the other side.
74
:
00:03:12
Lacey: tell us about it.
75
:
00:03:13
I am so excited.
76
:
00:03:14
This sounds so much like me.
77
:
00:03:15
I can't wait to hear the intricacies
of it and that kind of stuff.
78
:
00:03:19
So tell us about your messy middle.
79
:
00:03:22
Shannon: I was that person
like talking about society and
80
:
00:03:24
even how we introduce ourself.
81
:
00:03:25
I was that person who I had the great job.
82
:
00:03:28
I'm moving up.
83
:
00:03:29
I'm all the things that society says
you're supposed to be for a successful,
84
:
00:03:33
that person that just works all
the time and always looks the best.
85
:
00:03:35
busy and that's what it is.
86
:
00:03:37
And doing all the things for my
kids and the birthday parties and
87
:
00:03:40
the events and the Pinterest worthy
life house is always looking great.
88
:
00:03:43
Like that person that's constantly go.
89
:
00:03:46
And I've truly identified
with that person.
90
:
00:03:48
that became my identity just
through those habits in my life.
91
:
00:03:52
And then I'll never forget it.
92
:
00:03:54
June of 2020.
93
:
00:03:56
And it was a rainy night.
94
:
00:03:57
I live in Texas and it was very
rare to have rain in June and it
95
:
00:04:01
was cool and rainy and stormy.
96
:
00:04:03
And it was just coming down.
97
:
00:04:05
And I had my first episode of what
I would later learn are many other
98
:
00:04:09
episodes, just a sudden onset
of what was a chronic illness.
99
:
00:04:13
And I couldn't breathe.
100
:
00:04:14
I kept telling my
husband, I can't breathe.
101
:
00:04:15
I can't breathe.
102
:
00:04:16
And I thought I was
having an anxiety attack.
103
:
00:04:18
And so he took me and he threw the garage
door open and he let the rain fall on
104
:
00:04:23
my face, just trying to calm me down.
105
:
00:04:25
And so nothing's working.
106
:
00:04:27
I can't figure out what's going on.
107
:
00:04:28
I'm just like, just something's
wrong with my throat.
108
:
00:04:30
Something's wrong with my throat.
109
:
00:04:31
I don't know what this is.
110
:
00:04:33
And he takes me to the ER.
111
:
00:04:34
Of course, it's like COVID time.
112
:
00:04:36
Like COVID was very new at this time.
113
:
00:04:39
They aren't trying to look in my throat
from Across the room in the doc, like
114
:
00:04:43
in the ER, he says, say, ah, like he,
the doctor wasn't even close to me.
115
:
00:04:47
And he's I don't really see anything.
116
:
00:04:48
Maybe you're having an allergic
reaction, all this stuff.
117
:
00:04:52
So my life just changed
forever in that moment.
118
:
00:04:54
Like it would never have been the same.
119
:
00:04:55
It never was the same from that moment.
120
:
00:04:58
And I went to many doctors and
they told me that I was crazy.
121
:
00:05:03
They told me.
122
:
00:05:04
you're nuts.
123
:
00:05:05
Like you just have anxiety.
124
:
00:05:06
You haven't depression.
125
:
00:05:07
Everybody's suffering
with that stuff right now.
126
:
00:05:09
Let's get you on some
depression medication.
127
:
00:05:12
And I was really being gas lit.
128
:
00:05:14
And what really happened was I was
feeling like I was choking all the time.
129
:
00:05:17
So I wouldn't eat.
130
:
00:05:18
I was, it felt like somebody was
just squeezing my throat closed.
131
:
00:05:22
So I wouldn't eat then I just had this
fear of eating and then I thought I was
132
:
00:05:25
crazy, but I was just too scared to eat.
133
:
00:05:28
So finally, cause my regular doctor.
134
:
00:05:30
Was like booked up
135
:
00:05:32
and I finally got in to see her
in August, like the end of August,
136
:
00:05:36
beginning of September of 2020.
137
:
00:05:38
And I'm like, all these telehealth
doctors, ER doctors, I had been
138
:
00:05:41
to the ER a few times since then.
139
:
00:05:42
they're telling me, I'm crazy.
140
:
00:05:44
So I just need help because
I'm also taking, trying to take
141
:
00:05:47
these depression medications.
142
:
00:05:48
But I just, this, nothing's working.
143
:
00:05:50
I can't get off my couch.
144
:
00:05:51
And I was just paralyzed in fear.
145
:
00:05:53
fear.
146
:
00:05:53
It's so hard to describe the
feeling of what it's like.
147
:
00:05:57
But I try and tell people it's like
somebody has their hands wrapped
148
:
00:06:00
around your throat all the time.
149
:
00:06:02
And sometimes it's worse
and sometimes it's better.
150
:
00:06:04
And I just, I have no idea
what's happening to me.
151
:
00:06:06
And she said, maybe something
really is going on with you.
152
:
00:06:09
Let's just send you to a
specialist just in case before
153
:
00:06:12
we say, it's just in your head.
154
:
00:06:14
So I go to an ENT and he's wow,
you have all this scar tissue in
155
:
00:06:17
your throat and all this stuff,
and I see stuff's coming up.
156
:
00:06:20
Let's get you on some antacid.
157
:
00:06:22
Maybe you have a reflux.
158
:
00:06:24
And I came home that day and I told
my husband, Oh my God, I have reflux.
159
:
00:06:27
I was so happy.
160
:
00:06:29
I was like, I'm not in my head.
161
:
00:06:30
wrong with me.
162
:
00:06:31
And he's you're so happy you have reflux.
163
:
00:06:33
I'm like, Yeah.
164
:
00:06:33
And he says, let's send you
off to the next specialist.
165
:
00:06:36
And so I go through all these tests,
all these procedures, and it comes
166
:
00:06:38
to find out my esophagus muscles
have just suddenly stopped working.
167
:
00:06:42
They collapse on each other, which
is this choking feeling I'm feeling.
168
:
00:06:46
The bottom muscles push up,
the top muscles push down.
169
:
00:06:49
Everything's getting stuck in my middle.
170
:
00:06:51
They're getting stuck in my middle.
171
:
00:06:52
and then the muscles at the bottom
aren't holding anything in the stomach.
172
:
00:06:56
So stuff's coming up.
173
:
00:06:57
I'm regurgitating, stomach
acids coming up all the time.
174
:
00:07:00
Like all this stuff's happening
and I'm still not eating.
175
:
00:07:02
And I still can't eat food and I
have all this trauma around trying to
176
:
00:07:06
swallow stuff because I wasn't nuts.
177
:
00:07:08
something was in my throat.
178
:
00:07:09
It was there.
179
:
00:07:10
It was stuck
180
:
00:07:11
all this time.
181
:
00:07:12
It was like I was choking without the
gasping choking thing, but I was choking.
182
:
00:07:16
So I was like, now what?
183
:
00:07:17
And I get different medications.
184
:
00:07:19
I have different procedures done
on my neck and I keep losing
185
:
00:07:23
weight during all this time.
186
:
00:07:23
So before this, I was slightly
overweight, like for my size.
187
:
00:07:27
I'm a small person.
188
:
00:07:28
So overweight for me for most
people is normal because I'm short.
189
:
00:07:32
So I'm about 140 pounds
and I keep losing weight.
190
:
00:07:35
I can't eat.
191
:
00:07:36
I fall into malnutrition.
192
:
00:07:38
So now I'm at a stage where they're trying
to fix it where I can get nutrients.
193
:
00:07:41
But now I have malnutrition.
194
:
00:07:42
I have no energy.
195
:
00:07:44
I'm a hundred and one pounds
and I have about maybe six,
196
:
00:07:48
six hours of energy a day.
197
:
00:07:49
Can't get out of bed.
198
:
00:07:50
I've just exhausted that busy
person that I was no longer exist.
199
:
00:07:55
I'm having this existential crisis as
if I don't matter in this world anymore.
200
:
00:07:59
I'm useless.
201
:
00:08:00
What can I do?
202
:
00:08:01
And it got to a point where.
203
:
00:08:04
I just had to sit with myself
and there's so many things that
204
:
00:08:09
go on with, I think, illness.
205
:
00:08:10
we talked about the illness part of it,
the medical part, but for me, a big part
206
:
00:08:14
of it was I had to finally stop and sit
with myself in life and be in my own head.
207
:
00:08:21
And it was quiet and I
could no longer ignore.
208
:
00:08:24
And I had to heal
209
:
00:08:26
my inner self.
210
:
00:08:27
And to me, when you say like the
messy middle, there was all this
211
:
00:08:30
physical stuff going on and that
stuff was the bad stuff, right?
212
:
00:08:35
The thing that made it hard every day.
213
:
00:08:37
But then there was this other part
that was becoming very beautiful.
214
:
00:08:42
For the first time in my life,
I learned to love myself just
215
:
00:08:46
for authentically who I am.
216
:
00:08:48
Like I didn't have to be anything.
217
:
00:08:49
I didn't have to fill a role.
218
:
00:08:51
I didn't have to conform to anything
because all I could do was go to
219
:
00:08:55
work and come home and get in my bed.
220
:
00:08:56
That's all I could do and just be there.
221
:
00:08:59
And so it was transformative.
222
:
00:09:02
It was like, the messy part is
that it's, a lot of faith and
223
:
00:09:06
it's a lot of self discovery and
it's a lot of an inner journey.
224
:
00:09:09
And even though I had my family around
me, so supportive, like my kids,
225
:
00:09:14
they just blow my mind all the time.
226
:
00:09:15
They're all older, except one, like I'm
going to be an empty nester next year.
227
:
00:09:18
I just have the baby at home,
during that, like they were just
228
:
00:09:21
how they really just pulls for me.
229
:
00:09:24
So I had that support.
230
:
00:09:26
And even when you have support though, On
the inside, it still can feel very lonely.
231
:
00:09:30
Lacey: Absolutely.
232
:
00:09:32
Shannon: so I was in this lonely place
and I thought, gosh, this feels so lonely.
233
:
00:09:35
And that's really, I learned to love me
234
:
00:09:38
and really find who I
am and find what I want.
235
:
00:09:42
But also in all this, the beautiful thing
was I just had to stop the world changed.
236
:
00:09:48
Because I noticed all the really cool
conversations I was missing with my
237
:
00:09:52
kids because I was too busy being busy
238
:
00:09:54
and I realized the sunsets I didn't
see and just relaxing on the porch,
239
:
00:09:58
all these parts of life that we
just zoom by because we're busy and
240
:
00:10:04
I'm like, why is this happening?
241
:
00:10:05
This is life.
242
:
00:10:07
This is life all around me.
243
:
00:10:08
And I realized the biggest change
for me was I don't want to go back.
244
:
00:10:13
I don't want to go back to that person.
245
:
00:10:14
I can't go back to that
person who's always going.
246
:
00:10:19
which was hard for me because
the hustle culture, right?
247
:
00:10:22
Like you have to
248
:
00:10:23
work more to make more
to have this good life.
249
:
00:10:26
And so through my journey, you.
250
:
00:10:29
And I know everybody's journey is
different and people find solace when
251
:
00:10:31
you're going through medical stuff, you
find solace somewhere in something and
252
:
00:10:36
my solace was finding manifestation.
253
:
00:10:39
I found manifestation and just
how can I work on my thoughts?
254
:
00:10:44
How can I work on my self worth?
255
:
00:10:45
How can I work on?
256
:
00:10:47
My inner world and let that be
reflected in my outer world because
257
:
00:10:51
I know what I want to feel like.
258
:
00:10:53
Now I just need that to
happen outside of me.
259
:
00:10:55
And so I really tapped into
that and I decided, I don't have
260
:
00:10:59
to, I don't have to work more.
261
:
00:11:01
I'm gonna work less than
I'm gonna make more.
262
:
00:11:02
Like I just made this decision.
263
:
00:11:03
it took a long time.
264
:
00:11:04
I think a lot of people think,
you just wishfully think
265
:
00:11:07
stuff and it makes it happen.
266
:
00:11:08
Doesn't all of this was a
road, but it was a decision.
267
:
00:11:11
It's making this decision and
sticking with it and believing in it.
268
:
00:11:15
And I believe what you believe.
269
:
00:11:16
You know what you believe you can have.
270
:
00:11:18
so I said, how can this happen?
271
:
00:11:19
I don't know how this can happen.
272
:
00:11:20
I just opened myself up to these new
opportunities, It was really about opening
273
:
00:11:23
myself up to a different world, a world
where people actually do just chill and
274
:
00:11:30
they work some and they do what they like.
275
:
00:11:32
But then they just do
all this other stuff.
276
:
00:11:34
And I was like, I want to tap into that.
277
:
00:11:36
And so that's it was like this
whole transformation of myself.
278
:
00:11:41
So as time goes on, I'm 101 pounds.
279
:
00:11:43
Now I'm malnutrition.
280
:
00:11:45
I have malnutrition and, I'm just weak.
281
:
00:11:48
And my doctor finally said,
nothing we're doing is working.
282
:
00:11:51
We're going to have to put you on a
feeding tube for the rest of your life.
283
:
00:11:55
You need a feeding tube.
284
:
00:11:56
Because if not, you're
just going to wither away.
285
:
00:11:58
You're not going to be here
and I'm a very stubborn person.
286
:
00:12:03
Just, I am.
287
:
00:12:04
I'm stubborn.
288
:
00:12:05
I think stubbornness gets a
bad rap, but stubbornness can
289
:
00:12:07
really take you a long way.
290
:
00:12:09
I don't accept that.
291
:
00:12:09
I don't want that.
292
:
00:12:10
I don't want it.
293
:
00:12:11
I was like, no, I'm not doing it.
294
:
00:12:13
And he was like, we're going to
have to, I said, give me one month,
295
:
00:12:16
give me one month to gain a little
bit of weight, just one month.
296
:
00:12:20
And so I started working on
doing different things with my
297
:
00:12:22
puree foods and things like that.
298
:
00:12:24
Cause by that time, I had enough
procedures that I could have puree food.
299
:
00:12:28
So I was basically eating baby food.
300
:
00:12:30
woohoo, fun.
301
:
00:12:30
I'm sitting here, baked beans, anybody?
302
:
00:12:33
Yeah.
303
:
00:12:33
As long as you're like
completely liquefied.
304
:
00:12:36
so I said, just give me a month.
305
:
00:12:38
And I worked so hard.
306
:
00:12:39
Like I put all of my efforts
into I'm going to gain weight.
307
:
00:12:45
So then I go back, I'm 102 pounds.
308
:
00:12:47
He goes, okay, you're 102.
309
:
00:12:48
He said, if you ever drop below a hundred,
we're not having this conversation
310
:
00:12:52
anymore, which now that I think back
to it, it's I always had a choice, but
311
:
00:12:55
I see where, it's but, he's we're not
going to have it under a hundred pounds.
312
:
00:12:59
And so I said, I want to eat again.
313
:
00:13:00
I don't want to live my life not eating.
314
:
00:13:02
Cause another thing I realized
is food is very important.
315
:
00:13:05
Like for social time and family time,
like we do a lot of stuff with food
316
:
00:13:10
and then when you can't do anything
with food, you feel very left out.
317
:
00:13:13
If I'm going to put food in my body,
what's the best way to do this?
318
:
00:13:17
And he says, okay, you're going
to eat mashed potatoes, then
319
:
00:13:20
maybe some chunky mashed potatoes.
320
:
00:13:22
this whole, if you want
to try it, we can do this.
321
:
00:13:24
But if this happens, you
need to stop immediately.
322
:
00:13:27
And you can't have, I love
salad and things like that.
323
:
00:13:30
And he's you can't have vegetables
because they have this, waxy skin on them.
324
:
00:13:33
that could be very bad for you.
325
:
00:13:35
So I started, and then I
did like soft, solid food.
326
:
00:13:37
And I just started working my way up
and I'm still on all these medications.
327
:
00:13:42
but finally the end of my story,
this is a long, like three year
328
:
00:13:44
story, but at the end I can eat now.
329
:
00:13:47
They told me I would never eat again.
330
:
00:13:49
And now I eat solid food.
331
:
00:13:51
I enjoy it.
332
:
00:13:52
I'm off all of my medications.
333
:
00:13:54
I slowly had them weaning me.
334
:
00:13:56
Yeah.
335
:
00:13:56
I slowly told him, take me
off of all of my medications.
336
:
00:13:58
Cause I don't want to live like this.
337
:
00:13:59
They made me tired.
338
:
00:14:01
They mess with other functions in my body.
339
:
00:14:03
and I said, I want to be medication free.
340
:
00:14:06
I want to eat.
341
:
00:14:07
I got up to 125 pounds and I'm eating now.
342
:
00:14:13
I still stay away from the spicy stuff,
even though I like it just cause little
343
:
00:14:16
bits every now and then, but not a lot.
344
:
00:14:18
Cause I'm like, I love it.
345
:
00:14:19
I gotta have a little bit.
346
:
00:14:20
Lacey: especially in Texas, you guys
have a lot of good, spicy stuff.
347
:
00:14:23
Shannon: We really do and I moved to Texas
and I was like, this is good I want more
348
:
00:14:29
and oh, yeah So I'm like I don't want
to give that up and for probably like I
349
:
00:14:32
went on a bender like once I finally knew
I could eat and because With anything,
350
:
00:14:37
like your stomach's gonna shrink, right?
351
:
00:14:39
So I
352
:
00:14:39
hadn't eaten for so long,
my stomach was small.
353
:
00:14:41
So if you got me a combo from Sonic,
I could only eat probably like a
354
:
00:14:46
fourth to a half of the burger.
355
:
00:14:48
And I just, I was too full.
356
:
00:14:50
Whatever, I stretched my stomach back out.
357
:
00:14:52
And I was like, I finished
a whole Sonic meal.
358
:
00:14:54
I was so proud of myself.
359
:
00:14:56
And then I was like,
I'm eating everything.
360
:
00:14:57
I'm buying Cheesecake Factory
every night for dessert.
361
:
00:15:01
And I just went on this bender and
I ate all the food in the world.
362
:
00:15:03
Like now, of course, I'm trying
to like, get back in balance.
363
:
00:15:06
It'd be like, girl, put
good things in your body.
364
:
00:15:07
But I was like, I'm tasting everything.
365
:
00:15:09
It's almost like a kid, like
for the very first time I'm
366
:
00:15:12
experiencing this, cause I forgot it.
367
:
00:15:14
it was almost, like getting high.
368
:
00:15:16
Like when
369
:
00:15:16
people say they love food
or they're addicted to food.
370
:
00:15:19
I really feel like that can be true.
371
:
00:15:21
now it was like, when I would eat things.
372
:
00:15:23
It gave me this euphoric feeling.
373
:
00:15:26
This food in my body was very euphoric.
374
:
00:15:28
And I was like, wow, but going through
all this, it just taught me so much,
375
:
00:15:33
like it taught me that I'm going to be
me and I'm going to not be these other
376
:
00:15:37
people that everybody wants me to be.
377
:
00:15:40
And I'm literally going to enjoy.
378
:
00:15:42
Life and people who knew me
before and now they're like,
379
:
00:15:46
You're so different.
380
:
00:15:48
But I think when you go through something
like that, and I came out on the other
381
:
00:15:52
side and I'm so grateful for that.
382
:
00:15:53
cause I wasn't ready to be somebody.
383
:
00:15:55
I didn't want that to
be the rest of my life.
384
:
00:15:57
I have a whole lot more life to live.
385
:
00:15:58
Learning to love myself so fiercely.
386
:
00:16:02
And I think it's something that
we're not taught, like what I
387
:
00:16:05
realized, like laying in my bed, I
388
:
00:16:07
realized, we'll just tell you all
the things you need to improve
389
:
00:16:10
about yourself or what you could
do better or what you're missing.
390
:
00:16:14
And I just.
391
:
00:16:15
It was this beautiful.
392
:
00:16:16
So it is messy.
393
:
00:16:17
It was so messy because it was very
depressing and I had depression.
394
:
00:16:21
I had those things going on.
395
:
00:16:23
I did.
396
:
00:16:24
Lacey: you did.
397
:
00:16:25
Shannon: right?
398
:
00:16:25
it's so messy.
399
:
00:16:27
And I think it's messy because it's good
and bad and up and down and all around.
400
:
00:16:33
And it's a whirlwind.
401
:
00:16:35
But I really feel like.
402
:
00:16:36
Once I embraced it, once I
said, okay, this is where I am.
403
:
00:16:41
This is what's going on.
404
:
00:16:43
I'm going to love myself through this.
405
:
00:16:44
there was a time, a good friend
of mine, all my clothes, none
406
:
00:16:47
of my clothes were fitting me.
407
:
00:16:48
And I was like, none of my clothes
fit, but I don't want to go shopping
408
:
00:16:51
because the thought of buying smaller
clothes just reminded me of my sickness.
409
:
00:16:55
And she said, you have to just
love your body wherever it is.
410
:
00:16:58
in whatever stage that's in and just
go love your body and it'll be okay.
411
:
00:17:03
And so once I started buying clothes to
dress my body and started to embrace,
412
:
00:17:06
okay, I'm changing, but I'm just going
to embrace the change for whatever it is.
413
:
00:17:10
That really just set off something
in me that says, okay, we can
414
:
00:17:13
love ourselves in the good.
415
:
00:17:15
We can love ourselves in the hard.
416
:
00:17:16
We can love ourselves when
we don't know what to do.
417
:
00:17:19
And when we do know what to do, We
can just love ourself wherever we are.
418
:
00:17:23
And I think that's what you
learn in the middle, it's coming
419
:
00:17:26
from one place and you're not
quite at a place you want to be.
420
:
00:17:29
That's for darn sure.
421
:
00:17:30
You're
422
:
00:17:30
not at that end point, right?
423
:
00:17:32
It's this in between space of
just being and picking all those
424
:
00:17:38
parts of where you're being.
425
:
00:17:39
So it just taught me so.
426
:
00:17:42
much about me.
427
:
00:17:44
And I think sometimes we hyper focus
so much on what's going wrong, that
428
:
00:17:49
it's hard for us to think what is going
right, or what can I get out of this?
429
:
00:17:53
And I've always been like,
the cup is over flowing.
430
:
00:17:55
Like it's not even half full.
431
:
00:17:56
It's overflowing.
432
:
00:17:57
There's nothing in the cup.
433
:
00:17:58
It's overflowing.
434
:
00:17:59
that's always been my thing, but
I'm like, what can I get from this?
435
:
00:18:03
Lacey: I
436
:
00:18:04
Shannon: I think I also learned that,
sometimes in life, maybe it's good
437
:
00:18:07
if people just stop and sit with
themselves and be with yourself.
438
:
00:18:14
Lacey: you're like two years
ahead of me and your journey.
439
:
00:18:17
So I'm like, Oh my
gosh, this is my future.
440
:
00:18:18
I'm so excited.
441
:
00:18:20
but just a few months ago, I had this
moment of, Oh, I don't wish to be the
442
:
00:18:26
girl I was before I got chronically ill.
443
:
00:18:30
Like I look at her like
she's like my little sister.
444
:
00:18:32
She's cute.
445
:
00:18:33
I appreciate her for what she
was, but I don't want to be her.
446
:
00:18:37
Which was one of the most liberating
things that I had ever like
447
:
00:18:43
consciously thought of because
for so long I was fighting myself
448
:
00:18:49
and thinking I wasn't, like all of
these things were wrong with me.
449
:
00:18:52
I'm good right here.
450
:
00:18:53
It doesn't mean I like it a hundred
percent, I don't want to go back.
451
:
00:18:57
And I think it's so profound
what you said, we are never
452
:
00:19:01
taught to like ourselves.
453
:
00:19:03
We are always taught to,
how can we be better?
454
:
00:19:06
what does this other person have
that we don't or that kind of thing?
455
:
00:19:09
It can be such a hamster wheel that
having a moment like that makes
456
:
00:19:14
you stop can feel like a gift.
457
:
00:19:17
Shannon: it really is.
458
:
00:19:18
And when you talk about just like
the freedom and what you realize
459
:
00:19:21
when you're chronically ill,
you just don't have the energy.
460
:
00:19:24
I don't have the energy
to fake it anymore.
461
:
00:19:26
I don't have the energy
to hold up pretense,
462
:
00:19:28
When you're trying to like move
through the world and, Be what
463
:
00:19:31
other people want you to be.
464
:
00:19:32
That takes a lot of energy.
465
:
00:19:34
And then when you just don't
have the energy for it, you're
466
:
00:19:36
like, Oh my gosh, what a relief.
467
:
00:19:37
Like you don't realize.
468
:
00:19:39
How much you've been expending and
then you have this thing where it's
469
:
00:19:43
I don't have the energy for that.
470
:
00:19:44
And even when I don't want to
give it away that way anymore.
471
:
00:19:47
I want my energy to be just like, it's so
much easier to just be you in this world.
472
:
00:19:52
You don't have to second guess yourself.
473
:
00:19:54
And I think.
474
:
00:19:55
That's a blessing of chronic illness
because you don't have that energy
475
:
00:19:58
and it's okay to let that person go.
476
:
00:20:00
You appreciate her, , she served
me well through many other trials
477
:
00:20:04
and tribulations in my life.
478
:
00:20:05
She served me well and
I love her for that.
479
:
00:20:08
But I noticed also that she did a
lot of that because of other traumas
480
:
00:20:12
and things she needed to heal from.
481
:
00:20:14
And once I was able to heal,
then I didn't have to, most of
482
:
00:20:18
us function in trauma responses
through life, I think is what we do.
483
:
00:20:21
But once I was able to just stop
and heal her, like you said,
484
:
00:20:23
stopping that hamster wheel.
485
:
00:20:25
And it's just, you don't have a choice.
486
:
00:20:26
It's beautiful.
487
:
00:20:27
But what I try to teach people
now is don't wait until you
488
:
00:20:30
don't have the choice, right?
489
:
00:20:32
Because then you're going to
490
:
00:20:33
be dealing with all this other stuff too.
491
:
00:20:35
So that's what I really try and encourage
the people that I work with to do, do it.
492
:
00:20:40
Now, like the time is now,
don't wait until your world come
493
:
00:20:44
crashing down on you because mine
just, it changed in an instant.
494
:
00:20:48
I could have never foresaw that and
they don't even know what caused it.
495
:
00:20:51
They cannot figure it out.
496
:
00:20:52
They thought it was a stroke.
497
:
00:20:53
They tested.
498
:
00:20:54
Nope.
499
:
00:20:55
They don't know.
500
:
00:20:55
It was just some random thing.
501
:
00:20:58
So love your life now.
502
:
00:21:00
Love yourself now.
503
:
00:21:01
Lacey: it was interesting
cause you were just talking.
504
:
00:21:03
I actually have had some of the similar
symptoms of like things feeling stuck
505
:
00:21:07
in my throat and that wasn't like the
worst thing for me, but it like, it's.
506
:
00:21:13
Is esef cephalic esophagitis.
507
:
00:21:16
I can never say it's eoe, but essentially
my throat produces too many, cells.
508
:
00:21:22
And it created a really rigid
pathway that food would get stuck.
509
:
00:21:27
And I'm sure you know this, the
minute that food stuck in you,
510
:
00:21:31
like for me it was, would be
eating, I didn't feel it yet.
511
:
00:21:34
And then I would drink something
and the water wouldn't go down.
512
:
00:21:37
So then when the water doesn't go
down, it's got to come back up.
513
:
00:21:40
And Oh, if you want to scare some people,
run from a table in a Mexican restaurant
514
:
00:21:46
while being like, take care of my kids,
I got to go spit stuff out and hopefully
515
:
00:21:51
Shannon: you know, it will.
516
:
00:21:52
Yeah.
517
:
00:21:53
So they, narrowed my down to
dysphagia because that's about
518
:
00:21:55
as close as it would get.
519
:
00:21:57
and I, yeah, those medical
terms are crazy, right?
520
:
00:22:01
they're like, what do they call it?
521
:
00:22:02
I'm like, they call it this.
522
:
00:22:04
Lacey: I, one of the big things too
that I've learned in my journey, and
523
:
00:22:06
I think you would, hearing you be
like, they still don't know what it
524
:
00:22:09
was, diagnosis is nothing to do with
what's actually going on with you.
525
:
00:22:14
It's just a way for
people to categorize you.
526
:
00:22:17
Shannon: It really
527
:
00:22:18
is.
528
:
00:22:18
It really
529
:
00:22:18
is.
530
:
00:22:19
Lacey: And so what my main, diagnosis
ended up being is chronic fatigue
531
:
00:22:23
syndrome, which is like this whole
host of it could be this and this.
532
:
00:22:27
but when I realized I'm like, oh,
you don't have any solutions for it.
533
:
00:22:31
So you just needed to be
able to give me a label.
534
:
00:22:33
And then I'm now figuring out
the right ways to take care
535
:
00:22:36
of myself because of that.
536
:
00:22:38
A diagnosis is important in a
lot of ways, but it's also so
537
:
00:22:42
arbitrary, and sometimes not helpful.
538
:
00:22:45
Shannon: we can't really
do anything for you.
539
:
00:22:46
The best they could do for
me as I had medications that
540
:
00:22:49
relaxed my throat muscles.
541
:
00:22:50
Cause my throat muscles would spasm.
542
:
00:22:52
Like I could feel these like spasms.
543
:
00:22:54
And so I had medication for spasms.
544
:
00:22:57
I've had medication for the acid to reduce
the acid because it would just come up.
545
:
00:23:00
Like I tell people, you don't, Understand
what it's like to go to sleep and
546
:
00:23:04
you wake up and nothing's working and
stomach acid, like you, I was blowing
547
:
00:23:07
it out of my nose every morning.
548
:
00:23:09
And so it's yeah, there's
one thing is wrong with me.
549
:
00:23:12
Because they have to put a
label, like there's one thing's
550
:
00:23:14
wrong, but then there's all these
subsequent things that happen.
551
:
00:23:18
And it's, I think it's it's
different for everybody, right?
552
:
00:23:21
everybody's little nuances that come out
of that one big category that they have.
553
:
00:23:25
Like I had the regurgitation
and all of these things.
554
:
00:23:28
I had pain.
555
:
00:23:30
It was so painful at times.
556
:
00:23:31
And I feel like I know my
experience because I experienced it.
557
:
00:23:34
But if somebody told me.
558
:
00:23:36
That they had something
else going on with them.
559
:
00:23:38
I could only sympathize.
560
:
00:23:40
I couldn't even empathize, And I could
only imagine because I do sometimes
561
:
00:23:44
feel like when people say, what's
going on, what's wrong when you say it
562
:
00:23:47
out loud, it doesn't sound terrible,
but when you're experiencing is you
563
:
00:23:51
don't understand, there's nothing,
there's no words that I can give you
564
:
00:23:56
to tell you how this truly feels.
565
:
00:24:00
I can try to describe it.
566
:
00:24:01
And I think even going to
medical professionals, right?
567
:
00:24:03
how do you feel you describe it?
568
:
00:24:05
And you're like, it's like this,
but it's because it's so hard to
569
:
00:24:07
describe, when stuff like that
happens, it's very traumatic.
570
:
00:24:10
I think for a long time, I didn't want
to say Oh, this was traumatic for me,
571
:
00:24:14
but it was, especially in the beginning,
it was very traumatic, I think now I
572
:
00:24:18
can finally say, yeah, it was traumatic.
573
:
00:24:20
cause at the time I was just in it, when
574
:
00:24:22
you're in that, maybe
you're just in it anyway.
575
:
00:24:24
so now I can say it was probably
one of the most traumatic things
576
:
00:24:26
I've ever been through, in my life.
577
:
00:24:28
And I think what made it the
most traumatizing is that it's
578
:
00:24:33
your own body hurting you.
579
:
00:24:35
Like other people have hurt
me and caused me trauma.
580
:
00:24:38
But it's like your own body attacking you.
581
:
00:24:40
That's how I felt.
582
:
00:24:41
I'm attacking me.
583
:
00:24:42
I can do to stop it.
584
:
00:24:43
that was like one of my lowest
of lows was just like feeling
585
:
00:24:47
like I was at war with myself.
586
:
00:24:50
And I just was trying to tell my
body like, get your act together, stop
587
:
00:24:54
this, it's like this helpless feeling.
588
:
00:24:56
There's nowhere you can run and you have
to be there and you have to be with it.
589
:
00:25:01
it can be very lonely.
590
:
00:25:02
Even if you have support,
it can be very lonely.
591
:
00:25:04
You can feel like a burden.
592
:
00:25:05
There's all these things that
go through your mind yet, right?
593
:
00:25:08
Like the feeling like a burden.
594
:
00:25:09
Lacey (2): all the time
595
:
00:25:10
.
Shannon: A caregiver.
596
:
00:25:11
A teacher for 15 years and I know
what it's like being a caregiver
597
:
00:25:14
and what that can take from you.
598
:
00:25:15
And then I have my own kids
and, just doing the things.
599
:
00:25:18
And I'm thinking when you really have
to care for somebody who's sick, like
600
:
00:25:22
sick, sick, it's just not normal.
601
:
00:25:23
Like normal caretaking
can take it out of you,
602
:
00:25:26
but you know, my husband.
603
:
00:25:27
To make sure I was taking my medicine
and make sure I'm trying to eat,
604
:
00:25:29
make sure I'm doing all this,
everybody's always checking out.
605
:
00:25:31
I'm like, I know that where's a person
that wears the other person down.
606
:
00:25:35
And then you feel bad about that too.
607
:
00:25:36
Lacey: I'm actually really curious
about, so I have two small children.
608
:
00:25:40
I have a three and a five year old
and motherhood and my chronic illness
609
:
00:25:44
is one of the most difficult parts
for me because caretaking is a lot.
610
:
00:25:50
Like you said, I saw this woman
who, and now I wish I remembered her
611
:
00:25:54
name so I could send people to her.
612
:
00:25:56
She talked about how
motherhood is a relationship.
613
:
00:25:59
But being a mom is caretaking.
614
:
00:26:02
And if you separate those two
things out, you can really embrace
615
:
00:26:05
motherhood and not like caretaking.
616
:
00:26:07
I'm like, Oh, I don't like caretaking.
617
:
00:26:09
And for me, it's also important to that.
618
:
00:26:12
Like I struggle with caretaking
because I don't have the energy to
619
:
00:26:16
do it, but I'm still a good mom.
620
:
00:26:18
You know what I mean?
621
:
00:26:19
I still have that good
relationship with my kids.
622
:
00:26:21
And so I'm curious, since your kids were
older, like, how did that feel for you?
623
:
00:26:26
I'm just curious if it was more
emotionally difficult instead
624
:
00:26:30
of like physically difficult.
625
:
00:26:32
Shannon: I actually felt cause they were,
some of them were grownups at the time.
626
:
00:26:36
Like my, one of my
daughters was still at home.
627
:
00:26:38
there's six of them all together.
628
:
00:26:40
the older ones, there was, they
were on doing their own thing,
629
:
00:26:42
the ones that were still at home.
630
:
00:26:43
I actually felt like it brought
us closer emotionally because
631
:
00:26:46
teenagers typically pull away
632
:
00:26:48
from their parents.
633
:
00:26:49
They want to do their thing, but my
kids would come because, I would go to
634
:
00:26:52
work, I'd come home, I'd get in my bed.
635
:
00:26:54
that was my life.
636
:
00:26:55
I lived in my bed when I wasn't at work.
637
:
00:26:57
And they would come and lay in bed with
me every night and just talk to me.
638
:
00:27:01
So I feel like it actually brought
them closer to me in a way.
639
:
00:27:05
I think they just felt
really sorry for me.
640
:
00:27:07
And I know they were worried about me.
641
:
00:27:08
But, they had the mind that they
wanted the time and sit with me
642
:
00:27:11
and they made an effort to do that.
643
:
00:27:13
So I think it brought us closer.
644
:
00:27:14
But what I will say is during
all that time, that's when I
645
:
00:27:17
started having my grandbabies.
646
:
00:27:18
And so I could see where
you're coming from.
647
:
00:27:20
Cause the medications I were on the
night medication, once I took it dead
648
:
00:27:25
to the world, you could not wake me up.
649
:
00:27:27
I was done.
650
:
00:27:28
I'll see you in eight hours.
651
:
00:27:30
And when my daughter had her baby and then
my other daughter had her baby because
652
:
00:27:33
I was still on those medications when
my other daughter had her baby, one of
653
:
00:27:37
the things I always wanted to do when
my girls had children was to go over
654
:
00:27:42
and help them through the night, all
those hard parts at night when you're
655
:
00:27:45
tired and all this stuff and I couldn't,
656
:
00:27:48
and they're very understanding,
you know what I'm
657
:
00:27:50
saying?
658
:
00:27:50
Lacey: but I
659
:
00:27:50
feel that in my soul for you
660
:
00:27:52
Shannon: Cause I always wanted that.
661
:
00:27:53
Like it was like me and my husband, my
kids, like I didn't have I guess to me
662
:
00:27:56
it was always that dream that you see
on TV where the mama comes and stays for
663
:
00:27:59
a week and she helps clean up and cook.
664
:
00:28:01
And had any of that.
665
:
00:28:02
I always had to do all of
that on my own with my kids.
666
:
00:28:04
And it's hard enough to do it
on your own when you're healthy.
667
:
00:28:08
And I wanted to be that help for my kids.
668
:
00:28:11
And I felt really crappy that I couldn't
like that hurt my heart because I was
669
:
00:28:14
like, let me help you change a diaper
or just sit here so you can take a
670
:
00:28:17
shower so I was there during births
and I got to experience that with them
671
:
00:28:23
and like during the daytime, but other
than that, I just wasn't very helpful.
672
:
00:28:26
And so I can see when you have a
young, don't have this option, right?
673
:
00:28:30
Lacey, like you don't have the option.
674
:
00:28:31
I had the option as a grandma
to say, okay, he could come
675
:
00:28:34
over here for two hours.
676
:
00:28:35
I have two hours in me.
677
:
00:28:37
But you don't have that option.
678
:
00:28:39
Like I tell them right
now, I could not do that.
679
:
00:28:42
Even to this day, I'm still
getting my life back together.
680
:
00:28:45
I'm still trying to get
my health back together.
681
:
00:28:47
yeah, I gained weight,
but I need to get healthy.
682
:
00:28:49
There's a difference, How
you look, your body doesn't
683
:
00:28:51
necessarily mean you're healthy.
684
:
00:28:52
As far as I need good foods and
good nutrition and all this stuff.
685
:
00:28:55
And I'm getting older.
686
:
00:28:56
I try to blame it on my
health instead of age.
687
:
00:28:59
It's just, but I always tell them like.
688
:
00:29:01
once I got off all my medication,
I'm like, okay, they can spend
689
:
00:29:04
the night, but not if they still
get up in the middle of the night.
690
:
00:29:06
Cause I still but it was just
different things to tell him.
691
:
00:29:08
This is my capacity.
692
:
00:29:09
And Once that capacity is gone,
you gotta come get your baby.
693
:
00:29:13
Or you gotta ask your daddy if
he's going to take over because.
694
:
00:29:16
I can't.
695
:
00:29:17
And for you, full time mom, you
can't be like, well, I ain't
696
:
00:29:21
got the capacity right now.
697
:
00:29:22
You know what I'm saying?
698
:
00:29:23
You can't do that.
699
:
00:29:24
And so definitely finding
ways to navigate through that.
700
:
00:29:27
I don't know how you do it because.
701
:
00:29:29
Lacey: I have a fantastic partner.
702
:
00:29:31
That's how I do it.
703
:
00:29:31
My husband is wonderful and I
do have the mom that can show up
704
:
00:29:36
and help and she absolutely does.
705
:
00:29:38
And I'm so thankful for that.
706
:
00:29:39
But when you were talking
about with your kids.
707
:
00:29:41
That's what my kids do too, though.
708
:
00:29:43
So it made me happy.
709
:
00:29:44
Like they'll come in randomly
and lay with me and snuggle in
710
:
00:29:49
and they might bring a tablet and
watch it and I'm like, that's fine.
711
:
00:29:52
And we're just laying there
together and that kind of stuff.
712
:
00:29:54
So my, my son, he was three
when I was first, struggling.
713
:
00:30:00
And we like came up with a song
that we were doing cuddle chats.
714
:
00:30:04
And so we called them cuddle chats
and sing a song, that kind of stuff.
715
:
00:30:06
there's something so beautiful
about it being universal that was
716
:
00:30:10
something that you got with your kids.
717
:
00:30:12
Cause I agree.
718
:
00:30:12
My kids chose to come lay with me.
719
:
00:30:15
my kids are great chatters because I'm
a great chatter, but it was another way
720
:
00:30:19
to do that, and it has made them more.
721
:
00:30:22
empathetic in a lot of ways.
722
:
00:30:24
And I'm very proud of them for that.
723
:
00:30:27
Shannon: Yeah.
724
:
00:30:27
And I think as women in general, I
think one of the things that I learned
725
:
00:30:30
is that we take on so much of the
responsibility of so many things, but
726
:
00:30:35
like even cultivating relationships,
whether that's our kids, our spouses,
727
:
00:30:39
just people in general, I think we're
raised like the woman cultivates
728
:
00:30:43
the relationship in those ways.
729
:
00:30:45
Like you go see, do your
kids need something?
730
:
00:30:46
Do you want to talk to you?
731
:
00:30:47
And I think this is a beautiful Testament
to say, That you can actually sit back
732
:
00:30:52
and receive, that's another thing that
I learned too, giving is beautiful.
733
:
00:30:55
I love to give, but I gave
so much I had nothing left.
734
:
00:30:59
And what I learned from this is
that the receiving, and I think
735
:
00:31:02
sometimes it's uncomfortable.
736
:
00:31:03
Like for me, at first
it was uncomfortable.
737
:
00:31:04
I felt weird.
738
:
00:31:05
do you just pity me?
739
:
00:31:06
You know what I'm saying?
740
:
00:31:07
Like these things, I felt weird about it.
741
:
00:31:09
But then it allowed me to receive
and allowed me to receive love
742
:
00:31:13
that just came to me, right?
743
:
00:31:15
Like I don't have to do anything.
744
:
00:31:17
I don't have to clean stuff.
745
:
00:31:18
I don't have to do cute things
for like just genuine love.
746
:
00:31:21
And it just really opened
me up to the idea that.
747
:
00:31:24
I can receive, cause I always had a
hard time receiving like anything.
748
:
00:31:28
And so it just really
opened that up into me.
749
:
00:31:30
And it was, it's just this
beautiful connection, right?
750
:
00:31:32
It's so beautiful when like your kids
come and they lay with you and it's
751
:
00:31:36
they just want to be here with me.
752
:
00:31:37
and it can make like the worst days.
753
:
00:31:38
Like it just makes you smile.
754
:
00:31:40
This is it right here.
755
:
00:31:42
Lacey: first of all, thank you for sharing
so openly I just don't feel like we hear
756
:
00:31:46
stories of chronic illness very often.
757
:
00:31:49
our society and I don't want to say
this, like one is worse than the
758
:
00:31:53
other, but like you hear a lot of
stories when maybe somebody has a
759
:
00:31:55
terminal illness or that kind of thing.
760
:
00:31:57
But when it comes to chronic illness,
People don't know how to deal with
761
:
00:32:01
it because there's not an end.
762
:
00:32:02
The entire thing is a messy middle, right?
763
:
00:32:05
and so I just really appreciate when
anyone with chronic illness talks about
764
:
00:32:09
what that looked like for them and
how they make it work and that kind of
765
:
00:32:12
stuff and really get to the other side.
766
:
00:32:15
Cause it to me like you have
really gotten to the other side.
767
:
00:32:18
I'm sure it's always going to be a worry
and a concern for you that you're always
768
:
00:32:22
going to be taking care of and managing.
769
:
00:32:24
But you've gotten to a more livable place.
770
:
00:32:27
Shannon: I really have.
771
:
00:32:28
And I think at the end of the day, even
if I was still eating puree food or even
772
:
00:32:32
if it had got to a point of having to get
that feeding tube, I think coming out of
773
:
00:32:37
it, Was more of the mental shift, right?
774
:
00:32:40
Like even if your
physical never catches up.
775
:
00:32:43
So I would say to anybody, if your
physical never catches up your
776
:
00:32:47
mental, I believe it will because
my mental and where I felt how I
777
:
00:32:52
thought and all of that healing that
I went through that happened before.
778
:
00:32:57
The medical condition improved.
779
:
00:32:59
That happened when I was at my
worst of my worst physically.
780
:
00:33:03
And so I feel like there is always
something to gain in even the worst of
781
:
00:33:09
times and the worst times of my life from
the time I was five until this happened.
782
:
00:33:14
Something always good came from it
783
:
00:33:16
I don't know.
784
:
00:33:17
That's just me.
785
:
00:33:18
That's just how I see life.
786
:
00:33:20
I might have rose colored glasses on it.
787
:
00:33:21
I don't care.
788
:
00:33:22
I'm going to wear them because
it feels good to me, And there
789
:
00:33:25
are going to be struggles.
790
:
00:33:26
And I mean, I'm still working on things,
I don't ever believe there's an end.
791
:
00:33:29
There really never is an end.
792
:
00:33:31
It is truly a journey and
you just walk your journey.
793
:
00:33:35
You keep going.
794
:
00:33:36
There's highs, there's lows,
but just love it and love life.
795
:
00:33:41
that's really what I got from this.
796
:
00:33:42
It's just stop worrying about the
past, stop fixating on the future and
797
:
00:33:46
just be where you are in the present
moment and enjoy everything around
798
:
00:33:51
you that life just passes us by on.
799
:
00:33:54
Because even with chronic illness
Society as a whole is no, we just
800
:
00:33:57
need you to be productive for whatever
we need you to be productive for.
801
:
00:34:00
they don't want to acknowledge it.
802
:
00:34:02
I think, because then it puts a kind
of a wrench in, different things in our
803
:
00:34:05
society, but it's real and it's true.
804
:
00:34:08
And our society, that's just me.
805
:
00:34:10
I think society is a little
too fast paced anyway.
806
:
00:34:12
I don't think are
supposed to live this way.
807
:
00:34:14
But when you add chronic illness into
it, it makes it that much harder.
808
:
00:34:18
think there's, sometimes
people like just get over it.
809
:
00:34:21
Or I think I saw a video the other day
about like someone go to the doctor and
810
:
00:34:24
they're like, what's your pain level.
811
:
00:34:25
you don't look like you're in your pain.
812
:
00:34:27
you get used to the pain, right?
813
:
00:34:29
people are suffering through every
day and they don't look like it.
814
:
00:34:32
But they are, because they're just
going to show up with their best foot
815
:
00:34:35
forward or whatever we want to call it.
816
:
00:34:37
But they're truly in pain
and trying to just make it.
817
:
00:34:41
Lacey: I feel like that was really
good advice, but is there another
818
:
00:34:44
piece of advice you'd want to give?
819
:
00:34:46
Shannon: I think what I would give
specifically to a person who is in
820
:
00:34:49
their messy middle, whatever they're
experiencing is to love yourself fiercely.
821
:
00:34:54
And I want them to know that
loving yourself, isn't selfish.
822
:
00:34:57
It's the best thing that
you can do for yourself, for
823
:
00:34:59
everybody around you is to just.
824
:
00:35:01
Love on you and be okay with where you
are and just love every messy little
825
:
00:35:06
part of it, whatever that is, because
I really think you will find strength
826
:
00:35:11
in the love that you have for yourself
to move on and to get through and to
827
:
00:35:16
just keep going through what you're
going through because you love yourself.
828
:
00:35:21
And you know what?
829
:
00:35:21
I'm going to love myself no matter
what it feels like right now.
830
:
00:35:24
I love me.
831
:
00:35:25
And I think that love that we're not
taught to give to ourself is some of
832
:
00:35:29
the best medicine that we can have
because sometimes it's all we have.
833
:
00:35:32
Lacey: thank you for
chatting with me today.
834
:
00:35:34
Where can people find work
with you, that kind of stuff.
835
:
00:35:38
Shannon: So you can find me,
I have two Instagram channels.
836
:
00:35:40
One's coaching with Shannon Kaye.
837
:
00:35:41
I have another one for my podcast, the
live life unapologetically podcast at
838
:
00:35:45
Shannon Kaye pod talk, but mostly you
can find me at coaching with Shannon Kaye
839
:
00:35:48
on socials, or you can connect with me
through the live life unapologetically
840
:
00:35:52
pod, , live life unapologetically.
841
:
00:35:54
com.
842
:
00:35:55
Has all of my information on there
and how you can work with me and
843
:
00:35:58
the different things that I offer.
844
:
00:36:00
Lacey: And it'll be in show notes
people can always find it there too.
845
:
00:36:03
Well, thank you for sharing
the middle with me today.
846
:
00:36:06
Shannon: Thank you for having me on.