The Art of Changing Your Mind: How to Grow Without Guilt, Shame, or Drama

What if changing your mind wasn’t a failure but a sign you’re finally paying attention to who you’re becoming? In this episode, Sam unpacks why updating your beliefs feels uncomfortable, how to navigate Identity Lag, and how to evolve without blowing up your whole life in the process.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why “consistency” is the most overrated virtue
• How Identity Lag shows up (and why it’s completely normal)
• Why cognitive dissonance is actually a growth notification
• How to shift your beliefs without chaos or guilt
• The Future Draft method for rewriting your next version with intention

Resources & Links

📘 Get your free Guerrilla Marketing Guide: www.door2doorinstitute.com

🌐 Coaching & Training: https://www.closeitnow.net/coaching

👥 Join the Close It Now Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/closeitnow

▶️ Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Closeitnowsales

Let’s Connect

Website: https://www.closeitnow.net

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/closeitnow/

Final Thought

Changing your mind isn’t inconsistency — it’s evolution. You’re not betraying who you were; you’re honoring who you’re becoming. Give yourself permission to update your beliefs, rewrite your identity, and step into the next version of you with clarity and confidence.

Welcome to Close it Now, the podcast that's revolutionizing the H Vac and home improvement trades industries.

Get ready to dive deep into the world of heating, ventilation and air conditioning.

We're turning up the heat on industry standards and cooling down misconceptions.

And we're not just talking about fixing vents and adjusting thermostats.

It's about the transformative movement that's reshaping the very foundation of H Vac and home improvement.

We're the driving force, inspiring top performers who crave excellence not only in their professional endeavors, but also in fitness, nutrition, relationships, and personal growth, proving that we can indeed have it all.

This is Close it Now, where excellence meets excitement.

Let's get to work now, your host, Sam Wakefield.

So, question for you.

Have you ever noticed how weird it feels to change your mind?

Like there's some invisible referee following, following you through life, blowing a whistle every time you update your opinion.

It's like warning, violation.

You said the opposite thing seven months ago.

So there's this pressure sometimes from others, sometimes from ourselves, that we have to stay exactly who we are.

Last week, last year, or back when we were 18 and thought monster energy drinks were a food group, or even today, if you think monster energy drinks are a food group.

So the thing is, nobody teaches us how to update ourselves.

Not school, not family, not society.

But the truth is, changing your mind is one of the most powerful human skills.

And we're terrified of.

Terrified of being wrong, terrified of looking inconsistent, terrified of disappointing people who like the older version of us, the one we don't even like anymore.

So today we're going to talk about something no one ever taught, but everyone secretly struggles with how to change your mind without guilt, shame, or emotional fireworks, without having to burn the whole thing down.

So let's get into it.

But before we do, I want to take a quick second.

Let's have a what's in your cup moment today.

My what's in your cup is brought to you by English.

English tea time.

It's later in the day for me, so it's too late for me to be drinking high octane caffeine because I don't want to be up all night.

I am traveling tomorrow to Maryland for the maiden voyage of our door to door institute canvassing blitz for Beltway H Vac.

So that is going awesome.

So, quick update from Today was the first day of the blitz, and they set three, four appointments within the first hour.

So that was pretty awesome.

Two of them were live appointments, meaning the technicians were around the corner and said, hey, can you do it right now?

And so pretty exciting.

So really, you'll definitely be hearing more about that later.

But English tea time.

So I've got a little bit of cream in, little bit of cream and sweetener in here.

Staying away from processed sugar.

So we're using some natural sugar in here or natural sweetener.

But what's in your cup today?

Is it that monster energy drink?

Is it.

Are you hydrating?

You got your, got your water, you got a latte, you got some, got some good beans.

You want to recommend?

Actually, somebody on the YouTube channel recommended some mushroom coffee.

They're using it and it's really helping with their adhd.

So I'd love to hear from you if you have tried the different mushroom coffees, because I'm super intrigued by them.

I want to jump into a little bit more and check those out.

But let's toast this episode together.

So everybody grab your drink.

Three, two, one.

All right, cheers.

One other quick announcement, just super fast.

Let's see a couple things.

One is if you want to know more about coaching, my days of one on one are closing a little bit.

I've got to close my window of the opportunities for one on one coaching because of the other projects I have going on.

There's still a couple spots left.

So in fact, I'm shorting it to one day.

So one day of the week for me.

If you want to know more about one on one coaching, message me samoseitnow.net and also if you want to get me out to your location to do a training for your team, samoseitnow.net, of course you can go to the website closeitnow.net, fill out the form there and also go join our Facebook group.

You can find me on Facebook, just search Close it now or Sam Wakefield.

I'm everywhere.

Instagram, hereal, Close it now.

And I'm on LinkedIn.

If you're on LinkedIn, I've got a page there as well, so you can catch me at all of the different places.

Every single time I train on site, numbers go up so dramatically it almost pays for itself while I am there almost every single time.

If it's not while I'm there, it's usually within a couple days.

And then the lifetime value is incredible.

So many awesome stories from, you know, thousands of people across the country that I've trained in person that their numbers went up and stayed there because we don't just train.

Here's a word track and learn a script and go Role play and practice.

Yes, that is important.

Yes, we do that.

But also it's identity.

You know, we're up, literally up, leveling your team as people.

And so when you think differently, you act differently and you get different results.

And that is the difference when I do trainings on site for your team.

So message me.

Let's chat about that and get scheduled.

So I want to make sure that you have your spot locked in before those spots fill up.

All right.

And one other thing, super quick.

The other thing is if you want to be part of the Door to Door Institute launch where we put appointments on your calendar like I was just telling you about, it's happening in Maryland.

And also this is another reason to join the Facebook because I'm going to be sharing a ton of videos because I personally am going on the doors Thursday and Friday this week.

So I'm pretty excited.

It's been a minute since I've been on the door, so I'm going to go set appointments myself and lead from the front.

So if you want to know more about that, what it looks like, we're literally setting appointments at half the cost of which you can get appointments or leads for with any, any digital service online.

So it's super, super fun.

So message me if you want to know more about that.

And also, last thing, and we'll get into the content.

If you would like a copy of I wrote recently the Guerrilla Marketing Guide to have consistently flow year round without spending a dime online.

You can get your copy of that@doortodoor institute.com that's my website.

D o o r the number two d o o rinstitute.com go grab your copy of that and then you can stay in touch and get in contact with us about the Door to Door Institute and what canvassing for your H Vac company looks like.

Okay, let's hop in here because we've, we've got a lot to cover.

This is going to be a good one.

So this episode is part of something I call the invisible curriculum.

It's life lessons that we desperately needed growing up, but instead, what did we get?

Long.

And so it's going to involve a handful of things.

Self awareness, identity transitions, emotional fluency, reinvention.

But without needing to blow up your life in the process.

I've done that.

I've been through those moments.

I've literally burned everything down and started from scratch.

It is not fun, it's not pleasant.

So I'm Here to show you how to do it without having to do that, without having to completely abandon everyone in your life that you knew and move forward.

So there is a way to do it.

Yes, there are going to be some leveling up, but you can do it smoother than I did it.

Because every single thing I train, I want to save you from the pitfalls of running straight into a brick wall with your face first, because that's how most of my lessons in life have come.

And raise your hand if you've been like me and you'd like to know an easier way.

So you know, these are real human skills.

And today we're going to talk about one of the most important.

We're going to be talking about updating your internal software as you evolve without crashing the system.

So let's start at the beginning.

So the first thing is the myth of the consistent self.

You know, we've been told this idea, you know, and really sold on this idea that consistency equals strength.

How many times, especially if you've read or listened to any business people and you know, the quote unquote gurus out there, that consistency equals trustworthy, consistency equals reliable, consistency equals admirable.

Yes, absolutely, to a degree.

But let's be honest here, humans, we aren't exactly the poster child for consistency.

You know, your cells regenerate every seven years.

Every cell in your body.

Your taste in music changes every.

If you're like me, I mean, my taste of music changes every time Spotify drops a new playlist literally constantly in that new music section.

What's new?

What's new?

What's new?

You know, your values shift as you grow, your desires update every time you go through a life event or really just even just after a really good conversation.

So consistency, a consistent self, is a myth.

Yes.

How we show up in the world with our business and with our daily habits to create the life that we want.

Consistent, persistent, disciplined action.

Yes, but who you are along the way to stay consistent for your lifetime, that is totally a myth.

And yet what happens is we cling to these old identities like we're renewing our driver's license.

Why?

Because somewhere along the line, changing your mind got confused with being wrong.

But here's the reframe.

And I want you all to get this.

Consistency isn't strength, Awareness is.

Consistency isn't strength.

Awareness is.

And only an aware person can say, I learned something new, I understand something differently, so I choose differently.

Now, this isn't weakness, it's maturity.

So the first question I have for you and I really want you to pay attention to this and go.

Go deep, go inside on this one.

Is there something?

And ask yourself this question.

Is there something I'm still doing or believing simply because it's familiar, not because it's actually still true for me?

So one more time.

Is there something I'm still doing or believing simply because it's familiar, not because it's actually still true for me?

You know, there's a saying or this idea that I heard one time that immediately shifted the way that I think about change and think about belief, especially about belief.

Belief is a thought.

You continue to think, it's a thought.

You keep thinking.

That's your belief.

So if you need to change your beliefs, we just need to change our thoughts and be open to the idea that what we've always been told might not be the best fit for you.

So think about that.

Is there something I'm still doing or believing simply because it's familiar, not because it's actually still true for me or for you?

So.

So as we go through life.

So I want to introduce this idea to you.

There's something called identity lag.

It's the gap between the version of you that you've outgrown and the version of you that isn't fully downloaded yet.

The version of you that you're not fully stepped into yet.

And it's this feeling of, I'm not that person anymore, but I'm not entirely sure who I am now.

So it's like if you were looking at a computer screen, you got the wheel that's spinning that says loading, loading, loading.

Or your status bar.

That's what happens with us.

We get the status bar.

That's like, I'm not who I was, but I'm loading the person that I'm becoming.

And identity lag is uncomfortable, but it's normal.

This is where most people freeze, though.

And not because they don't want to grow.

It's because they're scared of letting go of the old script.

And I've been in that place.

I'm constantly in that place.

I challenge myself to be in that place all the time.

In fact, I'm going to do another episode on Comfort Zone because it's very similar to this, but slightly similar, but different.

The same, but different.

And so when.

So.

And here's how you know this is happening in your life.

When somebody says to you, hey, you're not the type to do that, or since when do you care about that?

When you start hearing those type people telling you, those types of things, suddenly we start to feel guilty for evolving.

So identity lag is simply the friction between who you were and who you're becoming.

It's not a warning sign, it's a milestone.

Raise your hand if you've ever heard the crabs in a bucket story.

So if you haven't, let's talk about crabs.

Anybody that's on the coaster has ever been crabbing, you know what happens.

So when you have a.

Usually when people go crabbing, basically you catch your crabs and you put them in a five gallon bucket.

That's how most people I've ever seen crabbing, that's how they keep their crabs.

And so what happens though is when you have, when you get your first crab, you have to keep a, like a big rock or a brick or something heavy on top of the lid because one crab will climb out of the bucket.

But the moment that you catch your second crab, you put it in the bucket with the first crab and you can take the lid off.

A crab by itself will climb out.

Two crabs will never make it out of the bucket.

Why is that?

Because the moment that one crab starts to make it up the side, the other crab will grab them and pull them back into the bucket.

So you can have a load of crabs in your bucket and they will never escape.

Because, I mean, not never, eventually they're probably going to, if you fill it up enough.

But this is the concept.

Crabs in a bucket, they're going to pull them back down.

And so that's what happens to us as we start to evolve, change, grow, our thoughts change.

We feel this pull from your people around you, also from our old identity, saying, hey, this is uncomfortable.

I don't know that I like this.

And so we start to, most of the time subconsciously readjust to match what that old identity was, even though we're well on the way to the new identity.

And this is why so many times if in your life you've experienced moments or seasons of growth and of new success, but then it seems like something always happens that smashes you back down to where you were.

And this cycle happens over and over and over again.

So this is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance gets treated like a malfunction, like the brain glitching.

Oh, no, two thoughts.

Who authorized this?

You know, it's, we have to be able to hold two thoughts that are opposing to each other in, in our hand at the same time and say these are both correct.

The minute that we can start to do that, then that is when we can understand that.

We can grow.

But what if cognitive dissonance is actually your mind saying, hey, you're leveling up.

We need new settings.

So it's not confusion.

It's a growth notification.

The minute you start to feel that, reframe it as like, hey, this is exciting.

This means I'm growing.

It's like your own internal software saying, update available.

So, you know, and here's another good example.

I mean, it's kind of like this.

Imagine, I'm sure you've all seen hermit crabs.

I had hermit crabs when I was a kid.

And so hermit crabs, when they don't make their own shells, they have to find a shell to live in.

So when a hermit crab grows too big for its own shell, the shell cracks, it feels exposed, everything's uncomfortable.

It leaves that shell and it has to wander around in the open.

A lot of times it finds the new shell immediately and can just move right into it, but sometimes has to wander around in the open without a shell until it finds a new shell.

That vulnerable moment that is the cognitive dissonance.

That's what happen is happening in our brain.

So I want you to know you're not broken, you're upgrading.

So ask yourself, this is the next question.

What belief or habit is cracking right now?

Not because it's wrong, but because you've grown.

So I'm going to give a few buckets, but it can be anything.

It's really interesting.

You could look across the United States anyway, right now, and you see a lot of people right now that are having this moment around the way they believe around politics, the way they believe around all of the different topics associated with politics in the country right now.

You had so many people that thought one thing until new information is released, and now we're in this mental struggle of, what do I believe now?

And so that's just an example.

And again, it's not a political commentary here, but it's a really easy way to recognize this happening in real time.

So what other areas of your life, what beliefs, what habits are starting to crack, not because it's wrong, but because you've grown past it.

So we've got to ask ourselves that.

And so then, of course, then you ask, like, well, Sam, how do you change your mind without burning down your life?

Because, you know, what we don't want to do is just excommunicate people and all these types of things.

Sometimes we have to, when someone's toxic in your life, et cetera.

But here's the big one.

People don't fear changing their mind, they fear explaining the change.

And so here's I'm going to give you a framework for how to update yourself without needing a dramatic monologue or abandoning civilization.

So the first thing is we have to just acknowledge the growth.

Simply, I learned something new.

We have to just be aware of it and acknowledge it.

That's it.

Growth doesn't require a TED Talk.

It is literally just acknowledging, hey, I learned something new.

Then number two, you've got to remember to honor your past self.

It doesn't mean you were wrong.

Past you wasn't clueless.

You were just operating with the information and emotional tools you had at the time.

So we have to honor our past self.

So if I was talking to myself, be like, Sam, you made the best decisions you could with all the information and the programming you had available.

But you've learned something new.

Now it's time to move on.

So number three is communicate without drama.

You can skip the six paragraph justification.

Basically, it's again, simple.

We don't need a TED Talk for this part either.

I see it differently now.

Just admitting that to ourselves that, wow, I see this differently now.

I understand this differently now.

There's a moment in my life where I've seen some growth that I'm not the person I was.

This can be around fitness, this can be around nutrition, it could be around the way you communicate in your relationships, all these different things.

So I see it differently now.

That's it.

Recognize it and being aware of it.

And then number four is to transition thoughtfully.

You don't have to pivot overnight.

You're not required to exile yourself from your old identity.

You can shift in stages.

And I think this is something that so many times when people talk about change and radical change and if you've ever been to a Tony Robbins event, yes, there can be dramatic instant change.

But this is also the reason so many people slide back into their old life.

Because it was such an instant thing.

Their identity couldn't keep up with the race.

So you can shift in stages.

It's remember, this is a journey.

We're all on a journey.

So think of it like dimming a light, not flipping the switch off.

And so life is built on edits, not explosions.

We're just editing who you are along the way and it's okay.

And then number five, the future draft technique.

So I'm going to give you an exercise and I want you to to build some time into your day, have some quiet time, block out a time in your schedule where you can sit and really go through this exercise because the clearer you can define this future version of yourself, the better and faster you're going, the smoother you're going to get there and the faster you'll be able to actually achieve that.

And so what you want to do, and it's actually really fun too.

So what we want to do is we want to write yourself like a character you're going to be revising, right?

So this is not new me version 6.0.

This is not a full rebrand, just an updated draft.

So here are four questions that I want you to use these as the starters in this process.

So the first question is, what does the next version of me believe?

Write down what your beliefs are, your beliefs about all the things.

What does the next version of me believe?

Number two, what habits do you finally let go of?

What habits does that future self?

What habits do they finally let go of?

Number three, what boundaries do they hold?

What boundaries with others, Boundaries with your parents, boundaries with your partner, boundaries with your, your work associates.

What boundaries does that better version of me?

What boundaries do they hold that I'm not currently holding?

And number four, how do they respond differently?

We all have these moments in life where we chose a response or we reacted.

There's a difference in reacting and responding.

Reacting is just acting based on habit or impulse.

Choosing a response.

We all have that, like millisecond, anytime anything happens to choose a response instead of just reacting, how would we respond differently?

What does that future better version of myself?

How do they respond to situations?

Because what's happening here, you're not erasing who you were.

You're editing that character into someone more aligned with who you're becoming.

It's not reinvention, it's refinement.

So here's what I want you to hear today.

You are allowed to evolve.

I give you full permission.

I needed someone to speak this into my life at once upon a time that I was allowed to evolve.

So I'm passing that same permission forward to all of you who are listening.

You are allowed to evolve.

You're allowed to outgrow old beliefs, old choices, old definitions of yourself.

You're allowed to become someone your past self might not even recognize in the best way possible.

So you are allowed all of those things because changing your mind isn't chaos.

It isn't betrayal, it isn't weakness.

Changing your mind is an act of self respect.

So let's recap this real quick.

The consistent self is a myth.

Identity lag is normal cognitive Dissonance equals upgrade mode.

So when you feel that pressure, tell yourself I'm upgrading.

This is the growth phase and you can pivot without chaos.

The future draft technique will help you to rewrite yourself consciously.

So your next version begins the moment you give yourself permission to change.

So if something hit you from this episode, share it with someone who's stuck between versions of themself.

Message me with your biggest shift.

I would absolutely love to have a conversation with you about this.

Or your smallest one, or the one you're scared to admit.

Those are okay too.

We all have these different phases and if you want more episodes like this, subscribe subscribe to the podcast.

Subscribe on YouTube.

Go like and subscribe because we're just getting started with the Invisible curriculum.

I would love to know how this episode had landed with you.

And I will totally.

I absolutely plan on doing more of this because this is the stuff no one talks about but is the difference maker between an average performer and a top performer.

You cannot get the results that a top performer gets until you become the person that is required to be that top performer.

I don't care how many scripts you learn, I don't care how many objection rebuttals you learn, until you become that person, you're never going to consistently sustain that level of performance.

So back to consistency.

Consistency is important in our actions, but consistent.

We have to constantly be growing and changing.

So if you got some value from this, please share it with your teammates.

Share it with somebody you know.

And I would love if you went and left me a review Apple Podcast Leave me a five star review on Apple Podcasts.

Go to Google and search Close It Now.

You can leave me a review on Google as well.

And until next time my friends, I'm so grateful that you're on this journey with me and this is part of working to become someone worth buying from.

You've been listening to the Close it now podcast.

Our passion is to dive headfirst into the transformative movement that's reshaping the very foundation of H Vac and home improvement and at the same time covering fitness, nutrition, relationships and personal growth, proving that we can indeed have it all.

We hope you've enjoyed the show.

If you did, make sure to like rate and review.

We'll be back soon, but in the meantime, find the website@closeitnow.net find us on Instagram at thereal Close it now and on Facebook at Close It Now.

See you next time.