Shownotes
“I step up for everyone, but the second I need support, it’s
‘Well, that’s not my problem.’
It makes me feel like my effort doesn’t matter.”
This episode goes into the burnout dynamics behind this quote.
What if you're not the problem? Full report.
Access the full report here: https://sheridanruth.com/what-if-youre-not-the-problem/
Energy Management Pilot
This 5-week program helps thoughtful, sensitive, or neurodivergent professionals understand how their brain and body actually work — so they can rebuild focus, energy, and calm at work without pushing through.
If you love your work but end the day drained, forgetful, or tense — this is for you.
It’s not therapy or time-management hacks. It’s practical, body-informed psychology that helps you redesign the way you work so your system supports you instead of fighting you.
You’ll learn to:
✨ Read your energy in real time and prevent create-and-crash cycles
✨ Recover faster after stress
✨ Set boundaries that hold
✨ Redesign your workflow to fit your brain
✨ End the day steady, not spent
How it works:
- Short 30-min lesson on Monday
- Guided body practice on Wednesday
- 5-min reflection on Thursday
- Optional live call on Friday
- → About 1.5–2.5 hours per week, at your own pace.
Join the pilot: Click here to apply or express interest.
Your Next Step
“I’m ready for something else... but I don’t know what that is.”
If that’s you — start with a 90-minute Somatic Clarity Intensive. We’ll find your next step, the one your body can actually follow through on.
Or if you’re tired of circling between “almost-ready” and “total doubt,” the 6-month journey helps you rebuild energy, boundaries, and clarity — so you stop second-guessing and start leading from your center.
Burnout Is Weird PDF:
7 real stories of people who stopped trying to “fix themselves” and found steadiness in unexpected ways.
Let Me Know You're Listening
Connection is my love language! Let me know you exist and are listening along by sending me a ✨ on Instagram @_sheridanruth_ or LinkedIn
Read Somatic Intelligence for Success
Nervous system alignment to prevent burnout and leave an impact.
Regulation Your Nervous System At Work
Learn to regulate with practices you'll actually use. No need for more time, space or privacy. Download here.
Try the Burnout Prevention AI ChatBot
Soma helps you shift out of spirals, self-doubt, and stress-based decision-making—so you can lead from your most grounded, self-aware state. Access here.
This podcast explores the intersection of sales, money, and business success, offering entrepreneurial insights on overcoming the inner critic, burnout, and the unique challenges of ADHD and autoimmune conditions, while integrating polyvagal theory, Ayurveda, coaching, resilience, regulation, and trauma healing to support holistic growth and thriving in both life and business.
Transcripts
📍 I interviewed over 40 individuals about burnout and belonging across numerous different sectors, and one person I interviewed we're gonna call her, Emily, described her contribution, but lack of recognition very clearly. She said, I step up for everyone all of the time, but the second I need something, they say, well, that's not my problem, and it makes me feel like my effort doesn't matter. 📍
What she's describing here isn't kind of like an interpersonal dynamic. It's actually a foundational safety for your nervous system. In today's episode, we're going to go into the three patterns that I see most that contribute to these feelings, how conditional safety drains reciprocity and increases burnout environments, where speaking up has a cost and what to do about it.
Then the micro practices of recognition that you can practice today that rebuild a really safe, um, sense of I matter and I'm doing something of value inside of your system and what to do if you're relying on those alone. I. So your nervous system needs reciprocity to feel safe. Reciprocity tells us you're safe.
You value here. We care about you. If there was a big disaster, we would prioritize you and support you when. You constantly give energy and receive nothing back. Your system goes into threat conservation because it's, what it's feeling on a very primal level is like, I'm not really sure if these are my people.
I'm not sure if they would protect me if there was a disaster. I don't know if they have my best interests at heart, so I need to put energy into places that would protect me if. There was a big disaster, and I was vulnerable, especially as a female, because this female biology of us, we have this felt sense that at some point there will be a moment where we will be vulnerable.
Your biology is made to be vulnerable, to have babies, to do vulnerable things, to be around people that are stronger than you. And so there's this like little conversation going on underneath that's like, Ooh, do these people have my back? Can I rely on them in the moments that I need them? So if you notice that you're like.
I just like feel burnt out. I can't get motivated at work. Start considering maybe you're not. Like disengaged because you're unmotivated. Maybe your biology is actually stopping you because it's protecting you whether or not that is perceived. So maybe these people actually would care for you when you have some maybe trauma or maybe past experiences there, or just maybe uncertainty that's making you think that they wouldn't or maybe they wouldn't.
Maybe they're not there for you and they. They're, it's just the culture where it's more kind of like everyone for themselves. Um, this is this conversation about burnout that really misses something essential because when you are, like Emily, she was speaking about how she was consistently interrupted, how she was dismissed, how she was under-recognized.
And a lot of the people around her would tell her that she needed to be more assertive or speak up or set boundaries or be more vulnerable even. Um, like speak about how that affects you. In a safe environment where the, that would actually have helped. It would've been good. The situation though was that Emily had tried that and it didn't help.
So her nervous system is like, okay, cool. Well we are in a place where asserting my needs leads to being minimized, pushback, or some type of unfavorable consequence. Your body's not gonna give you energy to open up because, just because like they're like, oh, we do welcome feedback. If your past experience is saying, no, this actually isn't a real thing.
That's not resistance. There's nothing wrong with you that is protection, and I want us to be on the same page about that. There is a truth in this where she's like, you didn't create that pattern by yourself. So other people were, were involved. And also you can't shift that. By yourself. I'm not talking here about the times that we become avoidant and closed off because we're afraid of somebody else happening, someone, someone else doing something.
Um, and that creates a kind of downward spiral loop between that relationship and our past experiences of trauma. And then our present actions coming from fear actually create disconnection. I'm not talking about that. We talk about that in different episodes. What I'm talking about is that you. Might be in a place where your nervous system is not being supported by the environment that you're in, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
We just don't talk about this enough without being really blamey and like being really like, oh my God, like that thing is really wrong. So just, okay, well that, that. Workplace may not be speaking the language of reciprocity and appreciation in a way that I need it to be spoken to, or my colleagues might not be speaking it in a way that I need to receive it.
The natural step forward that I sometimes see people doing, which is a really, really wonderful one that I do love, is having almost like user manuals and like teaching the people around you how to, um, affirm you how to experience, like, how to share with you, say like appreciate you. And that requires a lot of vulnerability and we love vulnerability.
Um, you guys obviously I imagine would know Brene Brown and her work around vulnerability, vulnerability. And saying, these are the things that I need and require is so beautiful and I'm all for it. And I also wanna recognize something which is that vulnerability is actually a privilege when you haven't received, and it is, it works better for people who haven't received pushback for, I say kind of like being themselves.
So for women particularly being vulnerable about challenges, might, other people might experience them and perceive them as. Unstable. It's a sad reality, but it's real. Um, you and I don't probably have that stigma because you and I are here, but other people might, and I wanna just validate that that's like a real thing.
This is not about. You needing to overcome that, it can be helpful to overcome that. But I wanna speak to the other side then we have, um, like sensitive professionals or trauma provi survivors or culturally and diverse employees being a minority L-B-T-T-Q. Plus folks. I know that there's probably an I and an A in there.
I apologize for getting it wrong. Or anyone that has been criticized for being too much, their tone, their intensity, their honesty. Um, I think I even feel this as an Australian having spent so much time out of Australia going back into Australia, like needing to learn all these cultural norms. Sometimes being vulnerable is, hasn't worked well for me before.
It's actually been really costly and I still think about that. I'm pretty vulnerable with you guys on the internet and I still think about, oh, I'm aware that this for some people. It may not be the best, they may not be a, a kind of pull to it and I come to terms with that being okay, but not everyone is in the same position where they can come to terms with that being okay.
I'm incredibly privileged to be able to do that. So if you are like, uh, I don't know, like just ask for help or just assert your boundary or just speak up, it doesn't quite land. Know that that's okay. We don't have to go that path. Your body remembers where your openness was not met with support, and that is.
Valuable and that is honorable and that is wisdom. Which comes, brings us to the next point, which is psychological safety. Psychological safety and so much research around psychosocial safety. So you and your ability to feel safe, to be yourself at work, to feel like you can go to work and it supports your mental health, shows us that teams thrive.
Whether you are in a little team of you and your VA, or of really big organization of over 500 people or different teams, shows us that the place where we thrive in our life. Is when you can take an interpersonal risk so you can take, you can be a little bit vulnerable with somebody without fear. That's really important.
It means you can assert something, you can say something, you can play with something, you can be a little bit funny. You can learn something in some in front of somebody else without fear. And also reveals something that we skip over, which is that if you are in a place where you're interrupted, not believed, especially not believed for intuitive and sensitive humans, where you're talked over, where you're blamed, where you're minimized, where you're dismissed, or you're judged, you will self-center.
And sometimes that will be an appropriate response. So that you can get what you need and survive in life. So that ability of you self-censoring that part of you, that self senses, that is not wrong. It is not bad. We don't need to heal it. We don't need to fix it. That is not a sign of you lacking resilience.
It's a sign of like, oh, there are moments either in my past or in my present where it wasn't safe. Then we have this biological need of recognition coming in. You every time that you co you experience like a sense of completion of, ah, we did that. I achieve that. Or acknowledgement, oh, I achieve fat, or appreciation, oh, I achieve that, and it was appreciated by somebody.
Or even just clarity of like, these are the next steps and here's how you get it done. Your do and we're doing it together is really important as well. Your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is like your effort had an impact. Oxytocin is, you are connected and safe together. This makes this internal signal of it is safe to keep investing energy here.
I can keep taking these interpersonal risks and they will be received well when those things are absent. As they were for Emily, she was not receiving appreciation. There was a lack of clarity. There was a lack of acknowledgement and also completion. I didn't mention that in, in the. In the little excerpt, but like she had a lot of like moving goalposts.
Like, we're doing this project. No, we're doing this project. No, we're doing that project. It's like, okay. Like did we ever reach the goal? Even if you were committed and hardworking and resilient, you're gonna burn out. It's not 'cause you have a lot of work, it's 'cause there's not enough of that completion cycle, not enough of that reciprocity.
You don't feel like you belong, you don't feel you're not getting that dopamine and getting that oxytocin. This is so important as well. If you are a, um. Solo business owner. If you're not building in these cycles, that's you're going to come burn out. I think we have an episode on that, um, that was called, I think it's reclaiming discipline.
I'll, I'll put down the LinkedIn. I, and I'll put down the link down below in the, in the chat. Yeah. Building in those completion cycles is really, really important. New urgent every day. That's what it's called. So I'll put that down below in the chat so that you can listen to it. But before you go to that one, you can download it while you're listening.
But before you go is that I'm gonna give you three directions that you can influence this so that you can feel all of these things and doesn't mean that you need to change your job or change your career, or change your industry or, or change all anything else. There are three things that you can. Do today.
You can start doing them today. You can continue doing them over time. That will give you this sense of completion and reciprocity. So it'll free up energy. You'll have more energy inside of you for the things that matter, as well as shifting the ecosystem. So these small little actions that you make will over time change the systems that you are in.
We speak about that in my report. What if you are not the problem? I'll make, there is a link down below to that in the chat and I explain how incredibly important that is. But the three things are, number one, give your nervous system the cues of completion, of recognition, and I matter that me that, that it needs.
So that's like learning your own love language. What does that look like for you? For me, like I'm a words of affirmation person, so I like, oh, like I have a wins every single day. I wrote down all of the wins, all of the things that I completed, all of the things that werent went really well, and when I.
Feeling particularly low. I make a point to feel that in my body by either speaking it out loud or going on a walk while I feel it and like making myself like, okay, just like feel the fact that like everything else was shitty, but this went really well and making a point to feel the closing of that.
Also, in building rituals, like around completion of something, even if it doesn't logically make sense like com, when you complete something. And I mean like a big project over time. I'll finish up. I'm recording these podcast episodes and I'm gonna go take a walk and that's like, I did that great work, Sheridan, that's that recognition asking the people around you.
If you can't ask the people at work or you can't ask your clients, ask the people around you to give you that recognition. This is why it lands for me so much when you guys recognize me, because I struggle sometimes to see what I'm good at. And you telling me gives me that sense of like, oh yeah, this is landing, this is good.
Do more of that. It also helps me serve you better. So if you have any compliments for me, please let me know. Um, number two, you can advocate gently for conditions that support you. Yeah, not confronting people, not being like, do this all or nothing, but just like asking, Hey, I would notice that this structure would really help me.
I would notice that this would really help me. I would notice that this would really, it would help me if you follow through on this. I would notice like, is that a possibility? The book, um, nonviolent Communication is really good for this. If you haven't listened to that book or read that book, highly recommend you do.
I have so many. Clients who I'm like, have you asked them that? Have you asked your boss? Have you asked your co-founder? And they're like, oh, no. I'm like, okay, why don't you just ask? And then they'll come back to me and send me a message and be like, oh, I asked and it went amazing. I'm like, yeah, it's okay.
People want to help you normally, but other ways that you can do it is like when you're having tasks, who owns this task? Who is responsible for it? Who, what is the next step? Having visible, visible, especially for neurodivergence, like visible progress. So like using visual cues to say we've moved along this far in the thing, in the, towards the goal.
Um, Gantt charts, um, visual, like sticky notes, like colors, like color coding, things that can be really, really helpful. Um, and acknowledgement give and receive acknowledgement and build that into the practices that you do. And as much clarity and clear communication as you can, people around you will actually love you for this, but if you're not sure about something, ask if you want and make sure things are written down and like get yourself that clarity.
It's not about necessarily being like a micromanaging, it's about what can I do to build clarity in. That's actually what helps us build the rest in. 'cause then I know when to celebrate, then I know when I've completed something. Then I know who how to acknowledge and who to acknowledge what for. And number three, choose environments where your sensitivity is not a liability when your work style is understood.
Where it is, where it is, where it is loved, where someone says, I care about figuring out how to work with you, where people care about your strengths, be that person as well for other people. What are those things? One of the things that I recently heard that I love that really speaks to you choosing and creating environments where your sensitive sensitivity isn't a liability came from a man who I'm working with, with a, it's like a mental health, uh, project for never, not Creative. It's a marketing agency here in Melbourne where they really focus on supporting the mental health of, of humans inside of marketing agencies.
And we were working together on the curriculum for that. And one of the examples he used around. Creating these environments was asking your colleagues, what are the two things that you have to do each week that really supports you doing your best work? Could be like, I have to pick up my kids and I like, I know I need to know that I have to pick up my kids, or I have to get to like hockey on Thursday.
For me, it's like Monday has to have deep work time, otherwise I'm a cranky human being and then being like, oh, cool. How do we work as a team to make sure that we are protecting those two elements for each person so you know that somebody else has your back so you can get to those things and you're also helping other people do it.
So like not booking a meeting with them on 4:00 PM when they have to go and. To their hockey thing. Um, and also sometimes the most powerful act of regulation is by actually just placing yourself in a structure that recognizes your effort the first time and not the 10th. People will be scared. They will always talk about how money is scarce and how the job market is really bad and how everything is bad.
But the truth is it's actually all very abundant. There's more than enough to go around and. You don't have to put up with behavior that doesn't support you. You are resilient. You are smart, you are capable. You can figure something else out. And if you would like help figuring something else out, you have me.
You can connect, we can figure it out together. Down below, curiosity call, book it. You can learn about one-on-one coaching. You can learn about my energy management program. You are not in this alone and you can figure this out. I will remind you that reciprocity and belonging and being appreciated, not a perk.
You deserve it and it's totally accessible, totally accessible. Play around with the episode down below in the show notes. Reach out if you're ready for a new phase of your life where energy is abundant and so is your happiness, and I'll see you in the next one.