Ep. 103 How your story creates community with Courtney Hobbs

I want to hear all about this. Courtney, I'm going to let you talk about what it is that you do and why And You started it.

Courtney Hobbs: Sure. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. And I feel the same. When we chatted, I knew, oh, there's a connection here. We definitely have similar, heart led businesses that want to help.

And I, this vision, came to me after my first daughter was born. She was a premature baby, so she came a month early. She was a good size, you know, she was healthy, but we had to spend about two weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit. And I, that's not how I thought motherhood would start for me. It was isolating, lonely.

confusing, scary, and it was the moms who showed up for me that really helped me through that, so their messages, their DMs, all of their emails, you know, just sharing their stories of being NICU moms, specifically, I mean, motherhood in general, but those NICU moms, I knew they got it, and instantly I felt seen, heard, and understood, and I thought, we have to bring moms together, and as a I I'm a teacher by like education.

And, uh, now we're here, we're here ready for our second. Our second annual event. So

Andi Clark: amazing. Yeah. And that's one of the things, actually, there's two pieces to what you just said. There's one is I'm always putting you're not alone because we all feel we are going alone in our journey, which ties in the second piece is we were pulling out clips from the, um, somebody that I recently interviewed and one of the clips was about how you're not alone.

And we keep quiet because we feel, Oh, I'm the only one that feels this way. And then we get. Kids that are different or like with my first one where I thought I had it. I knew how to do this after the first one. And then I had a second one and he went, uh, yeah. You know what? We're going to throw you for a loop.

And everything you thought you knew is not going to work on me. And you feel all alone. You're like, do people struggle like this in raising their kids? And then they become neurodiverse or they have big emotions or there's some highly sensitive or there's health issues. And there's all of these things that happen.

Courtney Hobbs: Thank you. I Everything you just said. I mean, I got shivers when you quoted that guest that you had because it's so true.

We hold it in. We think we're alone. But once we start sharing, we realize, oh, and the beauty I find with storytelling is, even if we've not experienced the exact same thing, there are. Similarities woven into every mother's story that we can relate to on some level. So, it's not if, if I don't have a child who was diagnosed with autism, but I can listen to someone's story as she goes through that.

And I have similar doubts as a mom that she had as a mom. We might have been on a little bit of a different path with our children and their needs, but I can still relate to some, to a lot of the things she's saying, right? So,

So you need to word the story in a way that they're going to connect. And when you do that, It helps you learn how to say it in a way that others will understand in words that others will understand. And quite often when we are also out there not understanding another parent or judging them or whatever it is out in public, we're not able to connect with them.

We're now able to connect because we've been able to see it through their eyes, but in a language that we understand as somebody who's not experienced it.

Courtney Hobbs: Absolutely. And that's partly what my job is with working with the moms. So they, they do a 10 week program to prepare to speak on stage. I don't just throw them out there.

So I, I'm trying to remember to say the neonatal intensive care unit, because it's not people who have been in it, know it, but other people don't.

Andi Clark: Yeah. And that's, that's a big thing I'm learning. Huge piece I'm learning because I say neurodiverse a lot and I'll even talk to people like, Oh, you're so neurodiverse.

And I'm like, no, I'm not. I, I was just speaking. It was hilarious. I was speaking, um, at the end of January in Puerto Rico for this, like all these CEO tech people that had like exited their company. You don't grow a huge multimillion billion dollar company and exited if you're not. Neurodiverse. If your brain doesn't think out of the side of the box in order to be able to create such a business that can grow and scale like that, you just don't.

And they don't.

Courtney Hobbs: It's so

true. Or even remembering to add in like a short definition of, of how you view it or you see it, I think is important, but yeah, absolutely. You're right. Like somebody might take offense to that if they have a different understanding of what that means. Right. So.

Andi Clark: Okay. So I wasn't even thinking we go in this direction with today, but this is amazing.

So first off, how do you help them notice. That they're doing that. And then the second piece on that is how do you help them rephrase that in words others will understand.

Courtney Hobbs: Great question. So initially it's a brain dump. You know, we just write everything out from the story that we think we're telling or that we want to tell.

And it's Again, just saying it however you would say it, or writing it down however you would, you would write it down. I, I tell my storytellers you can record it like a voice note. You can write it by hand, you can type it, like it's up to you. And then, we get really clear on what the story is that we're trying to tell.

And I actually, I know this is not a mom example, but I had a client, like a one on one client I was working with who was discussing a story about her dog and dog shows. And There was a lot that I was like, Oh, you're going to have to do some educating through your storytelling. How can we do that? Let's figure out some creative ways.

You had a psychoeducational assessment and that they were given this diagnosis and this diagnosis that have like ADHD and On the spectrum and this you know, whatever whatever the words are because again, I'm not the expert on that But give us how you feel in that moment place us in that seat as a vulnerable parent who's scared and confused Bring us there And as an audience member, we can then understand a bit better.

You can then do a little bit of educating as the story unfolds, but if we can relate to the emotions, you've got us hooked. If that makes sense.

As well, sometimes, so if you are in a situation, okay, you're a teacher, we're going to throw out the word IEP, which not everybody knows, but an individual education plan, which is where when a child does have a certain diagnosis, they can fill out this form for the school, for the teachers to be able to have some supports for this child,

Courtney Hobbs: I don't know.

no, I love this. I love this. Okay. Do you mean as in like the cert, I mean, to use it, you know, like the special education resource teacher, um, their explanation of it or the psychologist or the parent or the kid, like, well, we

Andi Clark: can't, unless somebody here is an education resource teacher.

it's more the parents that are listening to this. So do I feel that honestly, if the resource teacher, like I know when I first went through this, had somebody actually explained this to me with emotions and, all of that as to like, really what was going on, I would have like been like, Oh, that makes so much sense.

But when they're using acronyms and terms and. This type of a meeting and that you need to book this type of meeting. I'm like, what's that type of meeting? What is this one for? I don't understand this. What's an IEP. Like it took me a while to understand and get my head around an IEP, versus a 504 and all of these things.

Courtney Hobbs: Okay, I love this and I'm going to draw on my experience as a teacher. So my best experiences with students who had IEPs were when either they themselves Because I always tried to get kids to, because I taught high school, I tried to get them to advocate for [00:14:00] themselves. And because I taught high school, I sometimes didn't have the same support from parents.

Or sometimes you just don't. But what I would always ask is, like, what does that look like for you? Like, what, what does, What does some of this, like I, I would try to chat with them and just say, what does this look like for you? Is this you needing to leave? Is it tears? Is it, a blow up? Like what, what does that look like for you?

And then what do you need to help you with this? So is that some headphones in? Is that to go for a walk? Is that to bounce a ball? Is that whatever it was? That was always helpful. And so the parents could do that too. I had a few key parents that like pop into my mind right away that were, this is what it looks like when he's frustrated, or this is what it looks like.

It's hard to see that and know what it means fast. It takes some time and especially with high school, you're semestered. So I would have them for five months and then they'd be gone. And then I'd have a whole new group for five months. So I wanted to get to know them and their behaviors on how I could support them faster.

So. them, the parents or the, the kid explaining this is what it looks like. That was really helpful for me. Cause some kids would have an outburst and I'd be like, I don't know really what's happening. Are they frustrated? Are they angry? Did they have a fight with, like, I don't know. And sometimes people don't know, but.

Andi Clark: amazing. Now that is super helpful because we don't always know. And just having those two questions. So if a parent can say, this is what it looks like.

Like you might see this in my child. This happens when they are feeling this way, this way, and this way. And. This is how we've found best to support them when this happens. Yeah, that would, yeah, that would be great for the communication. Yes. No, I love that.

Courtney Hobbs: I think the other thing I've really learned as cause now I'm supply teaching.

So I don't teach full time anymore cause I do my business, but I still am in classrooms supply teaching. And I take a lot of special education calls cause I love those classes. And I just. It's fun, but lean on like the EAs when I go in as a teacher, there's always EAs. Educational assistance in those classes and I do the same thing with them.

Can you tell me what this looks like? And I think that's important. Say anybody who's coming in to do a guest talk or visiting a school or a classroom or a room where there's people with any sort of special need, lean on the people who are with them all the time. And so that I ask those same questions to the EAs.

What, when it says like this behavior, what, what does that look like? What should I look for?

Andi Clark: Yeah, no, that's so great.

That being said though, the more information that we can gather, we can give them, that sometimes we take for granted as a parent how much information we actually know.

Courtney Hobbs: You are so right, the parents are the experts. Parents know so much, you know your kids so well. You're the greatest advocate. the things, yeah, you're right though.

The things that you don't even know that, you know, sometimes, but that's why some prompting questions by people who are working with your kid are really helpful. And if there's a good question, I'm just thinking as a parent, if somebody asks you a good question, like write that down, have that saved so that.

You can answer the question even if somebody doesn't ask because

Andi Clark: that

Courtney Hobbs: could be helpful,

Andi Clark: you

Courtney Hobbs: know,

This is where it is. It's like. It's kind of like non forcefully giving them the information that even if they don't want to listen if they've heard it. And then they see it, there might be a connection for them that goes, Oh, that parent was trying to help me. You know? I mean, these teachers are tired.

They've got so much on their plate. There's so much going on. As you're saying, like you can't know and see and do everything all at once. Like it's really hard, really hard.

Courtney Hobbs: And it is, I will say if there's any teachers or guidance counselors listening, we. Often at the school that I taught at, which I thought was brilliant.

Sometimes the kid was there and it was awesome. Cause it was like, this is, you know. What helped last semester. This is what can help this semester. yeah, it was very interesting as a Drama and dance teacher I often saw a different side of a kid when like they were in a math class the math teacher saw one side of them and then I saw them differently in drama and Often it was better I taught, I taught classes that had them up and moving and being creative and like that is rooted in my heart as like really, really important and it should be woven into every subject.

Andi Clark: I'm also just gonna say from from what I do know of you that there is this little fairy dust that you kind of sprinkle on them as well that I am sure that had you been teaching them in math or had you been doing any of those other subjects too, you would have also seen another side of them that maybe some other teachers have.

Yeah, they're probably very, thank you. So let me ask as well, just with schools and you being a have you seen a change through the years? There's been more and more studies on screens and how screens are affecting kids focus, kids, inhibition, the ability to pause and think about their actions before they're taking them on.

I'm not saying no screens ever. I'm just saying, understanding how and when and how it works in the brain. But are you finding that through the years that some of these things have been changing with kids in the class?

Courtney Hobbs: I partly feel unqualified to ask, answer this only because I've been out of teaching full time for seven years now. and I see a different side as a supply teacher. It's a little bit, it's a little bit different. They often get, like, computer work, desk work, things that they have to do. so I don't see it day to day, in and out.

So, you know, um, so yeah, I feel like. They are still socializing, but they're definitely, they're on screens a lot. Like, teachers use them as tools. Every kid has a Chromebook now, you know?

Andi Clark: You're amazing.

Courtney Hobbs: And they, yeah, I agree. It is amazing. And I used to use screens, like, especially in drama and dance. a lot for rehearsal.

I'd be like, you need to watch yourself. I tell this to my storytellers now as adults. I'm like, listen to, you have to listen to yourself, and you have to watch yourself. Like, watch your mannerisms. You might have a weird quirk that you don't know you do, that you don't want to be doing, like, but you have to watch yourself do that.

We're going to learn how to use our phones as a tool and a resource and not just as like a distraction method. And so I would say, open your calendar settings. Okay, this is how you're, you're going to put something in your calendar and make them put something in their calendar. Open your reminders. This is, and I give them like a task to like, when you get home, it's going to remind you to get this for Miss Hobbs.

And so I always tried to just instill that in them. It's a great tool. It's a computer in your pocket. Like how cool are you? Like, are we to be able to be living in this, but it doesn't also have to control our lives. Right. So,

And even like healthy eating, unless you're taught how to eat healthy, you don't know how to eat healthy. And because screens are newer ish, we haven't been taught how to have proper screen hygiene, right? Yes. So that's the thing. It's not that they're bad, it's just that we haven't taught how to use them in a way that is, that won't Pull our brain in and, and decrease our attention and our focus and our perception and our inhibition.

That's all. It's not that they're bad at all. So it's just fascinating because I have spoke with, with other teachers and stuff like that. And they are noticing it. There's more kids in my class with attention struggles. Now there's more kids with inhibition. And I just wonder if it's just that we're in this transition period of screens coming out and now we're learning.

Courtney Hobbs: I agree with you on that. The other thing that I would add, so in between leaving teaching and starting my mother telling storytelling business, I ran a personal training. Space a wellness studio, and that was kind of what transitioned me out. I had taught for a gym, you know, fitness classes for many years, and, it was just like an easy transition out of teaching, and I think also jumping off of like what I had said before about teaching dance and seeing kids move their bodies, I think.

And as we all know, movement is so good for our brain, for our development, for our mental health, for our physical health, for our endorphins, you know, all those things. I think movement is a key thing that comes with the bad habits around or the not so good habits around too much screen time.

If that.

Andi Clark: Yeah.

Courtney Hobbs: I can impart.

Andi Clark: I think it does make, bring it in too. All right. So let's go back to your storytelling. So these women, they spend 10 weeks, which I'm sure there is. There are so many breakthroughs in just in themselves during those 10 weeks, and then they speak on stage and go to over that absolutely scary, scary moment.

Courtney Hobbs: and

Andi Clark: breaking that silence and breaking through and having a voice.

Courtney Hobbs: Well, you, you were right on when you said healing. The journey itself is extremely healing. Sharing your story, saying it out loud is healing. I always say, This journey will be therapeutic. It's not therapy, and you should maybe have a therapist on your side depending on the topic of your story, but it's definitely therapeutic.

So all of a sudden it's a realization that your story is a beacon of inspiration. Just to someone, at least one person, if not a whole room of people, and that's empowering. And so what I've seen from my storytellers is this confidence to continue sharing stories in whatever capacity that is, whether that's a motherhood story or.

The confidence to give a toast, you know, at a birthday party or to just to use their voice for change, for good, for inspiration, just to use their voice, period.

Andi Clark: And I think we, we don't. It's been told, like the generation of my parents was to not talk about your health issues, not talk about, your struggles.

It's not like we're in the middle of a muck and we're, everything, it's just, everything's imploding around you and your brain is imploding. And the stuff that you're saying, maybe other people that are involved in that story are not, we're not throwing other people on the bus. We're not doing anything.

It's being told in a way that. Is coming from a healed place in them, and we do have to get to that other side before we can start telling those stories. in a way that people will be open to listening to and making change and sparking that peace in somebody's heart.

Courtney Hobbs: You're absolutely right. So I chat with every storyteller, especially for the, the mother telling stage, because they're speaking in front of a crowd.

Not that the emotion doesn't still show up, but, because there's still emotion, but it's like you're through that sobbing or, you know, whatever it is. So yeah, that's, we, I definitely make sure the women coming into the program are coming from like a, a healed place or they've done the work around it.

Andi Clark: and there's no shame in that. No, no. Oh gosh, right?

There's no shame. There's no, we're all at different stages of our journey. And the fact that you're in the middle of the muck and want to be on that other side and want to get to that place says so much about that individual that They want to help other people and the first person though that we do need to heal in that journey is ourselves.

Courtney Hobbs: Yes. Right. Absolutely.

Ugh. There's something powerful in that as well.

Courtney Hobbs: Absolutely. And I will say, it's, everybody's journey is different. So, my one storyteller, Anita, these aren't, their stories are public on YouTube, so it's fine, her daughter was diagnosed with autism, in grade two, maybe grade three, doesn't matter, in and around that time, but her daughter is now 19 years old, and so, Anita's story, I mean, we had to work really hard to, Um, I have a time limit on how long their stories can be.

That's partly for entertainment. There's always restrictions when you're doing creative work. So anyway, but I was like, you're trying to do a whole lifetime of your child. So we need to pick out, you know, the parts that work along, along with it. But my point to this is. She was ready to tell the story and, and her, her five second moment.

Like support other people going through maybe the diagnosis process, you know, whatever it was 15 years earlier than where she was at, but she had to be at that point. Whereas another storyteller that I had, Chris, her son was diagnosed with severe hearing loss. He was deaf or he is deaf. he's, I want to say five or six now.

Because it was small tea traumatic. It was a lot. It was, you know, it took me a lot of time to process and I think that's partly that's part of why my daughter was born in 2018 and I launched this business in 2023. There was a number of other things that played into that, but I think. The timing wouldn't have been right for me to get out of the hospital and be like, I'm ready to help people with their stories,

Andi Clark: right?

And that's it, that we do need to honor that we're all in different stages of all of this. And every stage is important because you need all of those stages in order to be able to, to have that story to tell.

Courtney Hobbs: Absolutely.

Andi Clark: You have the capacity and the energy and the bandwidth. To be able to put that story together.

Courtney Hobbs: Absolutely.

Andi Clark: That's amazing. I love that. I do. So Courtney, I know you're, you're in Ontario in Canada where I am, and you do these 10 weeks and then they're on stage. So does everybody that works with you have to be where, like come to you physically in person, or do you do anything with them online to help them with their stories if they don't live close by?

Courtney Hobbs: Yes. So there's some things coming up in the future where I'm trying to be a bit. more virtual and, and, my big goal, I, I put it out into the world is to have mother telling events like TED talks. So there could be a mother telling event in Mexico. There could be a mother telling event in Spain. I don't know.

I don't know why I'm clearly picking warm places because it's so cold here. So did you just

Courtney Hobbs: know.

Andi Clark: And there's like, where do

Courtney Hobbs: you put the snow? Oh, my gosh. It's wild. but yeah. So my big area, me too.

Sorry. Pardon?

Andi Clark: I live right in the city where her streets are small and everything. And we have no room for the snow. I can't imagine. Yeah, that's crazy.

Courtney Hobbs: Yeah, I get it. I feel grateful because we, we live on a street where we don't have a sidewalk. And so it's just like, it's really nice for the snow. but yeah, so my goal.

And so I'm, I'm working on. A community, a virtual community where we can build our storytelling and then I can have these micro events, these, not so much the big main stage event I'm hosting in May, but micro events, I mean all over the world. I'm going to start maybe all over Ontario as a start, but, so that's, that's coming.

Others looking to do better at presentations. How can they weave a story into the facts that they have to share, how can they make it more relatable? How can we play with their PowerPoint so that we can weave stories in? and then I have, like birthday parties, uh, weddings, you know, people who want help with just preparing their stories for those types of events.

And so that's all done. Like all my clients have been virtual for my one on one coaching. amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

Andi Clark: So yeah, I'm imagining your like mini Ted talks thing and it's just mothers need it. Yes. Like we just need to hear these stories that are to know we're not alone.

Courtney Hobbs: Exactly. Yep. To be in that room with other people.

Being a mom's really hard. It is the hardest job I've ever had. And to have, time to celebrate that, to celebrate that we've made it through hard moments and hard things, but also just to celebrate ourselves as being moms and we're out and we're having fun.

Andi Clark: No, that's amazing. I love this. I love this for you.

All right. if there is anything like what have we not covered that you feel that mom's parents out there. Need to hear that we haven't touched on yet.

So they can sometimes be hard, challenging, devastating moments, but they can also be fun, happy, lighthearted moments. And I have to tell you, since I have started this habit, it has felt like I have slowed down time. It's like I have these little celebrations sometimes at night, or reflections. It's not like a journal page.

It is literally One to two sentences or a couple point forms of just moments in the day that I want to remember and I gotta tell you, it has helped me. Because our kids grow so fast and they change so much and it's exciting to watch them grow, but it's also hard to watch them grow. And I just have found this daily practice of collecting my moments from the day has just really helped me feel like I'm slowing down time.

That just like are these fleeting moments that sure there's a few things that will stick out that you remember. But you're not going to remember everything, even if you think you will. Like life goes fast and it's busy and there's a lot we're keeping in our brains. And so that is like. One thing I'd love to gift to moms, start a daily momment challenge for yourself or momment habit.

Collecting story worthy moments.

Absolutely. Right. And yeah, if you could do that every day, cause I thought I'd remember their first tooth and, when, and now they'll ask me, when did I first do this? When did I first walk? I'm like, I don't know. I don't remember. I'm like, I just got through every single day and I'm alive. And that's the, you know, Oh my gosh.

I don't remember any of those things. And I didn't write them down. And I didn't, that I actually there, my kids are at an age now where at 11 and 13, where I can breathe and actually do that at night. And I could have that beside my bed. I'm going to sign up for it. I'm going to that's amazing.

Courtney Hobbs: Yes. Sign up and I will a little plug because I've been working hard on it.

Um, I have two journals coming out that are guided to help you if you're a pen and paper kind of person. So the challenge online is a spreadsheet, which some people love. That's generally how I do it, but I know some people are pen and paper. So I've made two separate journals, one's sentimental and one's funny.

Andi Clark: okay, but if they sign up for your, moments, then there's a link to the journals. Yeah, then they're going to get a link in there as well. Sweet. Okay. That's so awesome. Cause this is one thing is where like, when we're going through the trenches with these kids too, we're not ready to tell our stories and all of that yet.

Like we're in the trenches. We need to find those moments. we need to, because we need to start training our brain to be finding those good moments or to be finding the funny and the bad. Yes. To just honestly tell a story about how chaotic it was this morning, that what all spilt and what all happened and cat ran out of the house, whatever it is, right?

Courtney Hobbs: Thank you. No, I totally agree. Cause I feel like, we. Like I, I'm gonna use my daughter as an example. My second daughter was a terrible sleeper. She's bedtime's a struggle, but now she sleeps through the night. She's five. It's been a long time. And I've said to people, that is a story I'm not ready to tell yet.

'cause I'm still in it and it's still frustrating and hard and we're getting there. But I have all these like moments that I've been, you know, tonight was another, I was up at this time and this time, with my daughter and then I will have little um. Like poems that I'll write or like this 3am and I'm, and I'm like, this is going to be a good story at some point.

So then it, it almost lightens it a little bit. And I'm like, this is story worthy. So I'm just going to let this happen as opposed to being like, I haven't slept again. This is terrible. And I'm so tired. You know, it's a different way to look at it. And a little bit more positive, like good story.

You're saying if your kids go through and read it as well one day, then they'll be like, appreciate you. I hope so. Mom, how are you still alive? Yeah, no, that's so awesome. I love this. I love this. I love this. All right, Courtney, this has been absolutely amazing. I'm so, so grateful that we were able to find the time to do this.

I have in the show notes, I have your Instagram, your LinkedIn. I have this, this mom challenge that everybody could sign up for. And then you also have a podcast. So those links will all be in the show notes. So anybody who's listening, if you want to get a piece of Courtney in your life on a regular basis, join her.

Podcast and oh my gosh, get her free mom challenge. I'm going to be doing it for sure. I'm so excited. And

grab a little piece of Courtney.

So thank you so much for having me.

Andi Clark: My pleasure. Yeah. I never know what direction this is going to go either. Sometimes I have a plan and then somebody says something. I'm like, Ooh, that's the direction we need to go. So yeah, this is just amazing. So thank you so much. And to everybody listening, thank you so much for being here today.

If you do have any questions or wanted to reach out to me, my links are in the show notes below as well. And my support circle is. Always, always there for any parents of kids with big emotions that is full of other parents, just like you. So you will not feel alone in there and we will support you. That link is in the show notes.

So we will see you in the next episode.