Stuart:
And welcome to winning without college.
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The podcast that helps you develop the
mindset, habits, and skills you need
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to get ahead in business and in life.
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And it tells the algorithm that
you've enjoyed this content.
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My name is Stuart Takehara your
transformational career coach dedicated
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to helping you unstuck your life.
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And today we're diving into a topic
that can make or break your success.
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And we're talking about assumptions.
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Now, I know what you might
be thinking, Stuart, we all
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know about assumptions, right?
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They make an ass out of you and me.
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Nah, that's, that's not
what we're talking about.
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Today, we're going to go
much deeper than that.
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Today, we're going to dissect
an assumption through the
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lens of our childhood.
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Today, we're going to dissect the
assumptions through the lens of an old
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school nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty.
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Now you will know the
story of Humpty Dumpty.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty, say it with me.
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Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
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All the King's horses and all the
King's men, couldn't put Humpty
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Dumpty back together again.
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Right.
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You remember this?
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Here's the kicker.
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At no point in this nursery rhyme, did
it ever say Humpty Dumpty was an egg.
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Right.
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Isn't that crazy.
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How do we think that he was an egg when
it never even said that he was an egg?
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This little nursery rhyme that we
all learned as kids has this powerful
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lesson hidden in plain sight.
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The assumption that Humpty Dumpty
was an egg is so ingrained into our
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minds that we don't even question it.
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We just automatically
make that assumption.
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And that's what we're
going to talk about today.
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How assumptions sneak into our lives
and shape our beliefs and actions
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without us even realizing it.
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How do they do that?
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See, it's the power of
implied information.
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We assume that Humpty Dumpty was an
egg because that's how he was depicted.
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Every storybook, every illustration
shows him as this fragile egg with
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a face and maybe a little blue
shorts or something like that.
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It's an implied piece of information
that we all just accepted.
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But it's not in the original
text of the nursery rhyme.
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This shows how powerful implied
information can be when someone
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implies something, we often take it
as truth without even questioning it.
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It's a natural human tendency.
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You see, we fill the gaps with what
seems to make the most sense or
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what we've been told to believe.
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And those implications solidify
into our version of reality.
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Let me give you an
example from my own life.
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When I was in high school, one
of my teachers told me that my
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research skills we're lacking.
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She implied that I wasn't thorough enough
and I didn't pay close enough to detail.
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I didn't pay close enough
attention to details.
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And I don't know where she got this.
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I can't even tell you what the, what.
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What the task was that I
didn't do the research on.
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I can't tell you any of this other
stuff, but all I can tell you is
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that one conversation that probably
lasted 20 seconds for years,
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I carried that assumption with me.
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And every time I
approached a research task,
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I did so with a sense of inadequacy.
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It brought my levels of stress
up high anxiety, because I was
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getting into something that I
didn't think that I was good at.
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And it wasn't until well into my
first job that I was told my research
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skills were actually very solid.
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So much so actually got promoted
because of my abilities to research
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topics over other people's.
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I had taken this teacher's implication,
this one teacher's implication.
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And I made it my reality
without even questioning it.
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And I don't know, maybe that teacher was
just having a bad day and took it out
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on me or maybe I was cramming for other
classes, and this project was just the
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lowest on my to-do list for that thing.
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I don't remember.
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But that one statement, that
one conversation, those few
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seconds, stuck with me for years.
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You see there's dangers in
assumptions in our lives, and it
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just isn't about nursery rhymes.
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This happens all the time,
day-to-day in our daily lives.
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As we go about our work, as we
go out through a career, as we go
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about through our relationships.
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When you think about it, when your
teacher says you research sucks.
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Or your parent tells you
you're never going to get it.
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Or your counselor claims that you're
never gonna make anything of yourself.
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You start to believe you statements.
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You get it into your head and you go,
well, if no one has any expectations
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of me, I'm just going to go do
whatever I want because no one cares.
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You know, we treat these assumptions
as facts because they come from people
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we see as authority figures, it's
like believing Humpty Dumpty was an
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egg because someone in power told us
it was an egg or they implied to us.
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That it was an egg and these assumptions,
they start to shape our identity and
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they start to shape our potential.
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They become self fulfilling prophecies.
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If you believe you're not good
enough, you'll start acting in
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ways that reinforce that belief.
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But here's the thing.
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We need to recognize these false
beliefs, and break free from them.
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Just because someone in authority says
something, it doesn't make it true.
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These assumptions actually become
baggage from our past that weigh us down.
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But we don't have to carry
that baggage anymore.
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We need to challenge these assumptions.
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And when you let go of the
ones that don't serve us.
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Imagine if we all walked around
questioning the implied facts that we've
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been told, if we question assumptions.
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How liberating would that be for us
to be able to recognize when someone
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is just giving us a total line of BS?
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How liberating would that be, when
we have the power to rewrite these
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assumptions and reshape our realities.
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You see, we need strategies to
break free from false assumptions.
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So how do we do that?
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First, we need to question the source.
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Ask yourself.
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If the person making this statement
really knows what they're talking about.
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Are they really an authority in your life?
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Are they in authority in anyone's lives?
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What qualifications do
they have to judge you?
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Often we find that people making these
assumptions about us are projecting
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their own limitations or biases onto us.
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They think that because they can't
do it, you can't do it either.
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And that's just not true.
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Second.
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Seek evidence.
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Look for proof that either supports
or contradicts what you're being told.
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As someone says you're not good at
something, find instances where you
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excelled at it or look at reasons as
to why maybe it wasn't good this time.
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If it was your first time doing something.
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Yeah.
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You're going to suck at it
compared to someone who's done it.
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20 times or 30.
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30 times or a hundred times.
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If someone says you're not good at
something, find out why, and then find
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reasons where you Excel at it, or come
up with a game plan on how to get better.
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Next reframe your thinking.
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Replace negative assumptions
with positive ones.
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Instead of saying, I'm not
good at this, try thinking
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and saying, I'm learning this.
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I'm improving at this every day.
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And one of my favorite
TV shows the west wing.
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I know it's been off the air for
like, I don't know, a decade or
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two, but give me a break here, okay?
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There's a scene where president
Bartlett and his secretary, Mrs.
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Landingham are having a
conversation in the oval office
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about the phone's Intercom system.
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And president Bartlet says, it's not
that I don't know how to use Intercom.
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It's that I haven't learned it yet.
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See this shift in mindset can have a
profound impact on how you approach
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challenges and opportunities.
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If someone says you don't know how to
do it, you go, oh yeah, you're right.
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I don't know how to do it.
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And then that's in the conversation
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.
You say.
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I haven't learned it yet,
now, all of a sudden it's an
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opportunity for improvement and
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an opportunity to get better,
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an opportunity for you
to step up in your life.
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So now let's dig into this a
little deeper and, and find out
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why we believe assumptions from
authority figures are true.
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You see authority figures, whether they're
parents or teachers or bosses, they, they
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tend to hold a certain power over us.
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We give their words, weight, and we
often accept their opinions as facts.
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Whereas this isn't
necessarily a bad thing.
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It's human nature to do that.
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We look to others for guidance.
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We look to others for support.
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We look to others for affirmation.
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However, it's important to remember that
these authority figures are not perfect.
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They're human too.
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And they have their own biases
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and they have their own limitations
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and they have their own perspectives.
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Just because someone has a title or
position of power, doesn't mean they
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have all the right answers or that
their assumptions about you are correct.
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There are human too.
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And they have bad days and
they get tunnel vision.
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They get tired, they get irritable,
they get angry, just like all of us.
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And just like all of us, sometimes
they misplaced their anger and
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they misplaced their frustration.
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However sometimes.
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It's not on accident.
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It's on purpose.
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Sometimes it's just plain wrong.
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Sometimes, it said to you to make you
angry, to get you believing something
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is false or to pray on your weaknesses.
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And I don't know why, but maybe
they're threatened by you.
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Maybe they're jealous.
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Sometimes you're going to be told
something by someone who just doesn't
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like you to make you feel worthless,
to put you down to prop themselves up.
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You got to go back to that situation
to say, does this person actually
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have any authority over my life?
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And when you realize that
they don't, you just have to
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learn to kind of brush it off.
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You need to stop.
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Breathe and focus and truly take
a moment to decide if what you're
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being told is truthful, assumptive
or just quiet out of flat out lie.
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You just never know.
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But once you can start to look at these
situations and then frame this question,
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you'll learn that negative thoughts
or negative assumptions will no longer
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have the power on you that they used to.
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So let's try this.
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I want to do this little exercise.
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Think back to a time, when someone
made an assumption about you, that
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you accepted without questioning.
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It could be a teacher that says you're
not good at math or a friend implying
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that you're not athletic or a boss telling
you you're not leadership material.
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Someone saying you're just
never going to get it.
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You know, we've all had that kind of
moment where someone just kinda like
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the life they just give up on you.
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Now, either write it down if
you can, or just put it in
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your head over and over again.
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And I want you to go back to that
moment when this thing was there.
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Just go back to this moment
and think about this.
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Where did that assumption come from?
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What evidence supports it?
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What evidence contradicts it?
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And how has this assumption
affected your life's decisions?
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How has this assumption.
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Affected the decisions
you've made ever since then.
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See, this exercise is a powerful way
to start unpacking and challenging the
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assumptions that have shaped your life.
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So what now?
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It's time to let go of that baggage.
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We all carry around assumptions
from our past that don't serve us.
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These are all things that we
falsely believe that hold us back.
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That whisper in your ear.
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You can't.
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Letting go isn't easy.
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But it's necessary for growth.
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You need to take all these assumptions.
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You can't do this.
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You're not good enough.
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All these things that you've been told.
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You need to let it go.
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Because it's necessary to shed
that old skin, and regrow a new.
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Start by acknowledging these assumptions,
recognize them for what they are.
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Unfounded, not true false beliefs,
based off of someone else's opinion.
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Then actively work at replacing them
with positive empowering beliefs
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about yourself, you know, to be true
things that, you know, are right.
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I have a friend from high school and
back then he had this reputation of
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being the lazy F up in our friends group.
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He never focused on his studies.
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He never went to class.
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He only worried about his
next little hookup things.
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He worked dead end jobs one
after another, after another.
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Everyone thought that he would end up
just like his father being a lazy person,
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working, you know, short term, dead end
jobs all the time, just waiting for his
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parents to die, to get an inheritance that
would never come, but that didn't happen.
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Later in life, he went school and he got
his bachelor's even got his master's and
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now he's a chief information security
officer for a major public university.
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You know, that is not easy stuff.
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That is hard stuff.
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It's detailed stuff.
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It's detailed learning.
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That nobody thought he had the
commitment or the attention
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span to be able to handle.
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But there came a time in his
life where he said, I'm not going
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to listen to the people who are
telling me all these things.
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I'm going to change for me.
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I can do it and I'm going
to prove everyone wrong.
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And he did.
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You see, he shed his old skin and people
telling him he couldn't do something.
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And he worked hard to prove them wrong.
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So the next time you find
yourself accepting an assumption
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as fact, remember Humpty Dumpty.
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Challenge the implied
information and don't let false
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beliefs shape your reality.
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You need to question the source,
seek evidence, reframe your
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thinking, and let go of that baggage.
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You have the power to
define your own potential.
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Before we sign off here.
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I want to hear from you.
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What are some assumptions
you've had to overcome?
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How did you do it?
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Share your stories with me on
social media or send me an email.
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Your journey could inspire
someone else to break free from
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their own limiting beliefs.
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So that's all I got for you today.
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If you enjoyed this episode, make sure
to subscribe and share and leave a review
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and as always keep pushing forward.
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Keep winning without
college until next time.
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Take care.
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Keep challenging those assumptions.
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Remember your success
doesn't come with a syllabus.
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We'll see you in the next episode.
